Reading Reviews From Member: elisalinguine_x
  
97 Reviews Found

Review #1, by elisalinguine_xThe Third Man: The Third Man

25th February 2011:
I really liked this! It's really well written. The voice you gave to Sirius is believable and us readers can really feel what he is feeling. we can understand what he goes through and why he made the choices he did. I don't normally read Sirius/Lily but I think your one-shot might have just turned me towards that ship xD anyways, thanks for the great read!
Elisa

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm really glad that Sirius's voice was believable because this isn't how I normally write him and I wasn't certain whether it would turn out sounding properly like him. It's even better to have turned you toward the ship. :P It's one with a lot of potential and that's really interesting to read and write. :D

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Review #2, by elisalinguine_xAll Our Future Sins: Sins and Sinners

4th January 2011:
Okay, you know how much i love this story already... and you just managed to make me love it even more! I think you know this by now but I think you're story is wonderful and I personally think you're an amazing writer. You write with such passion that we can all feel what the characters are feeling.

And you've made me cry, yes cry! One because the ending was absolutely perfect. Two years I've followed this wonderful story and it's finished. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW? :( I'm sad but happy at the same time. The ending was simply wonderful, the way you used Lily (the girl I HATED at the beginning of the story) and made her into the heroine of the story. She "saved the day" and made sure that Rose and Scorpius are together. She convinced Ron! WOW! Kudos to her for accomplishing that! :P

I hope that one day you publish you're own book and I can proudly say to everyone HEY, I READ ONE OF HER FIRST STORIES AND IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER. BEAT THAT SUCKERS :D

The two "Forevers" at the end were just the cherry on top of the cake! I now want a Scorpius all to myself - jealous stare towards Rose! - the lucky girl got herself the perfect boy. But to be fair, she is the perfect girl for him and you know I love them together and I adore how you ended it with a happy ending.

I'm so happy you like the banner I made - squee.
My banner on one of my favourite stories :D YAY!

Right, I will end this insanely long review now.
Please write more stories? I love your writing and I know all the other stories will be just as good as this one!

Your faithful reader,
Elisa

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Review #3, by elisalinguine_xAll Our Future Sins: Say "Goodbye", my baby...

4th December 2010:
NO!

this is so sad! NO, i wanted them together! i wanted the baby to be born and everything to have a happy ending :( :( I felt so sorry for Rose even though she seemed like she knew it was going to happen. It's so sad, it's like with the baby gone, Rose & Scorpius little dream world is gone too :'( soo sad.

another reason why it's sad is because IT'S THE LAST CHAPTER!
i don't know what i will read after this fic! I've always been searching for updates and every time a new chapter is posted i was so happy.. and now it's finished >:(

all good things come to an end.
^ wait, isn't that a song? hhmm...

okay xD I'll stop rumbling now.
amazing chapter as always and as much as I would have wanted a happy ending I actually think this ending suits the story more. I think a happy one wouldn't have suited the story. They were doomed from the start and it kind of wraps it all up nicely.

and, you know, just a little thought/idea/hint a R/S sequel would be great :D i'll definitely check out the L/D one-shot :)

Really great story!
1million/10!

- Elisa

p.s. oh and I'm happy you liked the banner I made. when you requested it i squee'd! I was so happy one of my favourite stories was going to have my banner xD

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Review #4, by elisalinguine_xAlong Came Sirius: Epilogue: Crash

15th August 2010:
I cried. Wept and wept. That so sad. When Sirius came and she saw him but then he walked straight through her... ah, so sad. But it had to happen, at least you kept it canon. This was an amazing story, I loved it all. When you do get the sequel out please let me know because I'll be sure to read it. You're a great writer! :)

- Elisa

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Review #5, by elisalinguine_xAll Our Future Sins: Miracles on the edge

28th June 2010:
ahh can't believe it!

1. Draco still loves Hermione!

2. Ron and Astoria.. that's the biggest shocker!

3. Rose is pregnant!

Ahh, so many twists! This story just keeps getting better and better. I love it, as you probably know by now since I do try and tell you in every review just how much I love this story! I really hope they never get caught, I want them to stay together and not be torn apart by their families. They're 17, technically legal to do whatever they want!

Please update soon! I don't know how long I can wait for the next one :)

- Elisa

Author's Response: Hello, my dear, faithful reviewer. :)

Yes, I twist and turn and play this game until the very end.

1. Draco... ah, a challenging character that one is.

2. Well, did no one saw it? Two people with the same condition, but with such different upbringings... Pain is what ties them, the same kind of pain. betrayal, and feelings they never knew how to express.

3. :)

Maybe we'll try not to make you wait too long. ;)

Hugs, my dear!


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Review #6, by elisalinguine_xAll Our Future Sins: For the sake of our Children and the wellbeing of our consciences

16th April 2010:
Ahh, I love it.

There isn't much else to say other than I love it and I can't wait for you to update.

This has to be one of the best stories on here. It really has everything a good story should have: drama, adventure, romance, plot twist, a miz of good & bad guys - but you don't know for sure who's really good and who's really bad... it has everything.

I love Lily at the moment even though I hated her to begin with but I still hate Astoria, that hasn't changed. Ron isn't particularly one of my favourites as well but I think that's just because of the way he's reacting to the whole situation - it's reminding him of Hermione/Draco.

Interesting plot twist at the end, I loved it. I bet Hermione planned to have that fight with Harry & Ginny because she was going to find Rose & Scorpius with Draco and not with them!

Please update soon!
Your number one fan!
- Elisa

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Review #7, by elisalinguine_xFalling To Pieces: I Shouldn't Speak In Case I Get It Wrong, I Always Do

15th March 2010:
ahh, loved it as always. The whole Ray-Dee-Sirius part was literally making me LOL. I could just see the awkwardness between them, it was funny. Yep, I do hate Dawlish... but I think his detention kind of helped them a little - at least they're speaking a bit more now and even though he stopped her when she was apologising he kind of knows she's sorry and she knows he's sorry and... I'm just being really optimistic and wishing for them to get back together xD I love Sirius though, he's adorable. Just want to give him a big bear hug :)

Update soon with another lovely chapter!
- Elisa

Author's Response: Ah good, glad you liked it! Yeah thats true... they're getting a little further with the whole talking thing each time.. even if its just like one word further... an improvement! thanks for reviewing, i hope you keep reading!

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Review #8, by elisalinguine_xCoiled and Ready to Strike: Aboard the Hogwarts Express - For the Last Time

13th March 2010:
Hi, here with your second review!

I really enjoyed this chapter. As the story gets going I can definitely see the plot line developing. I really like how this chapter is from Albus' POV. His character has a lot of depth and when he was explaining how he wanted to live his life for him I really felt sorry for him, for all the pressure that everyone was putting on him without noticing.

I like his relationship with Lily as well. They seem to have a really nice brother-sister bond that you don't see often in NextGen fics. And good on Al for approving Rose & Scorpius. Brilliant way to end the chapter. I just wish I could see Ron's face when she said that :P

Ron instantly began hyperventilating, saying, "Youíre not engaged, are you? Pregnant? Married?" - haha, that is just soo in character.

I don't really have much crit for this chapter, it was a great improvement from the last one! I hope you found my reviews helpful.

8/10
- Elisa

Author's Response: You have no idea how happy I am that you think that Al has depth and his relationship with Lily is nice. Those were some of my favorite parts of this chapter.

xD You think that line from Ron is in character? I was afraid it might be a bit too much, but I liked it too much to leave out.

I definitely found your reviews helpful! I'll be sure to rerequest soon. :)


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Review #9, by elisalinguine_xCoiled and Ready to Strike: Prologue: Flashbacks of Hogwarts

13th March 2010:
Hi, I'm here with your review!

It was a good opening chapter, you explained each scene really well and as readers we understand the background of the story perfectly. Ilike how you've focused on certain parts of his life instead of going year by year. You picked out a few years and explained important decisions he had to make etc.

To improve I would try and make your description more interesting so that it really drags your reader into your story. Especially as it's a very long chapter you want the reader to actually read it all and not skip through paragraphs and some scenes which could have really important information for later chapters in the story.

I liked the humour you used, but I think sometimes you went a bit overboard with capitals - but that's just a personal opinion, it doesn't really effect the story so much.

"I'M HARRY POTTER'S KID, TOO, YOU KNOW!!!" This last one was very obviously from James, Al's older brother who was now in his second year - and Gryffindor. - made me laugh :P

"I did not mean it in a positive way, Dumbledore." - haha, that's just SO snape like.

Grammar and spelling was really good. I only spotted one mistake:

"Ever though of Slytherin, though?" -the first though should be thought.

Overall great effort, I should be done with the next chapter soon! 7/10!
- Elisa

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

I'm always iffy about where to place description -- I'll definitely go back and see where I can add some more.

I think the reason that I put the capitals is because I wanted to show them yelling across the Hall -- but I'll go look back and see if it's a bit much.

Ugh, typos. I'll be sure to fix it once I make a big edit of the chapter. (Which I've been meaning to do for a while -- I really do need to get to it.)

Thanks again for the review -- can't wait to see the next!!

--propertyoftheHBP


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Review #10, by elisalinguine_xPassion for Publication: Chapter 1

13th March 2010:
Haha, this was really funny :P
I love Hermione's voice in this, it seems really Hermione-ish but with a humor twist that you don't see in many other fics. The ending was hilarious, it was funny how oblivious she was to the situation. I think this would make a really good story *hint* - it seems like a great opening chapter to a funny Dramione. I don't normally read D/H but this one was really good, you did a great job on this.

Anyway, I really liked it!
- Elisa

Author's Response: thanks so much! :) if i made a sequel (which i seriously am considering now) it'd have it be in a loong while when i finish my other story. I'm just not that big of a fan of starting two things and putting more effort into one than another. it just kind of annoys me so I'm going to try and not do that :) but definitely keep your eyes open!

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Review #11, by elisalinguine_xDear Angel: Tell Me The Answer

13th March 2010:
Personally, i love Rose. Her character is amazing, it's like she knows what she's doing but at the same time she makes it seem as if she doesn't notice what effect she has on him, as if it's normal for her to act that way with everyone. She doesn't seem calculating or fake for that matter like some characters would if they acted like that. does any of that make sense? Lol. And I love Scorpius as well, he makes me laugh. He's really sweet and your portrayal of him is really good!

Update soon!
- Elisa

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Review #12, by elisalinguine_xDear Angel: The Game Begins

10th March 2010:
That was a really good first chapter! The interaction between the two characters is really believable and funny to read as well :) I'm glad you're writing in third tense but in Scorpius' pov rather than Rose. It's refreshing to see because so many stories are from Rose's pov and not many are from Scorpius' pov. You're characters seem real so thumbs up on that. I like this story, the plot is really interesting and I can't wait to see how it develops.

Update soon!
- Elisa

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Review #13, by elisalinguine_xCry For You: Alter-Egos;

24th February 2010:
I'm so happy you updated! *squeee*

I really liked this chapter especially how Nat and Sirius are getting to know each other more rather than just sticking to the plan. Maybe Sirius likes her more than he thought he would have? Is that the reason why he 'stole' her from Klara? I love Sirius. He's just so lovable and I really like Nat as well. It's nice to have a good Hufflepuff rebel for once xD

Update soon!
- Elisa

Author's Response: Yes, I admore him with Natalie too. And alot of people have been catching on to the whole 'why did he STEAL her from Klara' thing. But onlytime will tell...

Hufflepuff rebel! Yes, that's exactly what this is about! Maybe Nat will be the rebel she's been waiting to be :P thx for the review, babe.


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Review #14, by elisalinguine_xFalling To Pieces: I'd Rather Be Any One Else But Here, Or Any Place Else But Me

24th February 2010:
I'm loving the quick updates :)

I really liked this chapter. The description of how Debbie feels when they were duelling was really good. I loved the duel... it just fitted the situation really well y'know? I expected them to act like that, especially Sirius. At first I thought Debbie was just going to let him get away with what he was saying but then when she talked back it just seemed to fit more with her mood. Anyway, it was really good.

Lily & James' plan was genius xD haha. It's a good old plan that always works... well kind of... i somehow don't think this truce will last for long. They will probably try and Sirius will probably just try and forget but it isn't in Debbie's character to just forget, she'll want to talk to him about it sooner or later.

Great chapter!
Can't wait for the next!
Update soon (again)
- Elisa

Author's Response: I know! I'm so overly proud about the updates, it's verging on cocky, I need to stop. It's really not that amazing! Anyway I'm glad you liked it, wasn't sure if Debbie was being too unpredictable at the duel but that kind of is her character I suppose! And I was kind of thinking that Sirius will be the one to not forgot (that made no sense) he's still under false illusions about her and Ray so he may or may not be a little bitter... but hey, that's all to come. Anyway thanks for a great review!

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Review #15, by elisalinguine_xFalling To Pieces: Nothing Matters But Knowing Nothing Matters

6th February 2010:
YAY!
im so happy you made a sequel.
i loved 'Fall for Anything' and now i'm going to love this one as well :D and I think you protrayed Sirius perfectly, just perfect. It really fitted him and his mood and with everything that happened I think fixing the bike was the best thing he could do to forget. Even though he kicked it at the end xD
Update soon please!
x

Author's Response: thank you! glad you like it so far, i really hope it lives up to fall for anything! and glad you love moody sirius still, bless him its not his fault (well it is) but anyway thanks for reviewing!

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Review #16, by elisalinguine_xA Love to Remember : Quidditch Victories

27th January 2010:
Hi :) I just started reading this story today and I really like it.

I love Dominique, she makes me laugh a lot. And her and Sirus are realy cute together. You make their relationship seem really real and it's kind of refreshing since there are too many Sirius/OC stories where the relationship isn't believable. I love how you made her and Remus close. Instead of having the usual Sirius/OC/Remus love traingle you made the two boys sit down and talk about it like real friends would and I really liked that part.

Sorry I haven't reviewed the other chapters, I was too caught up in the story I forgot xD But I promise I'll review every chapter from now on :D

Update soon!
- Elisa

Author's Response: I don't mind that you didn't review all the chapters as you went, one big review is just fine with me! ^_^

I am happy to hear that my Sirius/OC pairing achived the believeablilty that I wanted. I too have read other stories where, well they are good, the relationships are not very real to life even if they are in the magical wizarding world. So my goal was to make Sirius's and Dominique's relationship as real as possible. It's nice to know that I did that. ^_^

When I stared developing Dominique's character her personality meshed well with both Lily and Remus as friends that and I didn't want her to dislike all of the Marauders, mostly just James and Sirius.

Personally I am not a big fan of the Sirius/OC/Remus love triangles, one reason being I can't see them doing that and two it really doesn't seem like a Remus thing to do, or even a Sirius thing for that matter. So well I wanted to go with the fact that Remus liked her, I also went with the fact that he didn't believe he was good enough for her because he's a werewolf. Therefore he stepped aside when he saw how much Sirius liked her.

Thanks again for the review!


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Review #17, by elisalinguine_xAll Our Future Sins: Disaster

26th January 2010:
OH MY -

I don't think you realise how amazing this chapter is?
Because it is. Best. Chapter. Ever.

Ever.

Ever.

I mean seriosuly, this is THE best chapter of your story
*even if I say that everytime, I MEAN IT this time*

Starting with Rose & Scorpius running away, it was just perfect. Lily and Molly plotting the plan and then Molly's hand 'on fire' then they were running. And I loved the part where Lily was counting down the minutes. It seemed so real and I could imagine her trail of thought in my mind. It was beautifully written.

The last part especially. The part where Ron got angry and shouted at Lily, the way Lily started crying and how Dom slapped her. Everything was just so real. It could happen. I can imagine it happen to any family... (well any family with the same problems haha)

In the last paragraph I thought at first that Lily was under the cruciatus curse but then when you said that Damien "grabbed her by her waist and roughly pulled her down on the ground" I realised that it was something else. A different kind of magic? Almost animagus, but not completely... I'm guessing you will explain it in the next chapter.

I LOVE the quick updates, so please do grace us with another beautiful chapter soon :)

BEST STORY EVER! Ahem, yes...

10million/10!
Elisa x

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Review #18, by elisalinguine_xThe Observer: The Gathering Storm

14th January 2010:
Hi, i'm here with your requested review.

I have to say when I began reading this I didn't think that I would enjoy the way you wrote and the way you were addressing the reader but to tell the truth, I loved it. It was kind of indirect. You weren't really speaking directly to the reader, you were just using Lucy to describe what was happening and to be honest, it worked perfectly! Wow, I'm really shocked, because I don't normally enjoy stories written this way but this one simply blew me away.

And I love the no dialogue idea, it fits very well with the mood of the story. You're telling the story through Lucy - the quiet, shy girl who doesn't really say anything. And the fact that you don't have any dialogue kind of reflects her personality.

The only criticism I would have is to make the last scene a tiny bit longer. Maybe you can explain more about how Victoire found Dom & Teddy and how Lucy felt when she witnessed the situation.

Other than that, it was simply beautiful!
Feel free to re-request any other story, if it's anything like this I will surely enjoy it. Thank you for requesting!
10/10!

Elisa x

Author's Response: Sorry for taking so long to respond Oo. Have been busy, and I haven't been quite sure how to reply to this. It's just- thank you.

Yeah, normally I'm not that keen on this style either. I like setting myself challenges though, and I'm insanely glad it worked :P.

Hahaha, I'm glad you liked that. It was not a conscious decision- more from my inability to write proper dialogue.

I can try- I just felt it was best to end when it was over, and I sort of wanted to encapsulate the short amount of time this scene would be over in.

I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and will almost definitely be back to re request!

Thanks so much for the rating, and the review! ^^

-Becca x


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Review #19, by elisalinguine_xAll Our Future Sins: Once Upon a Time Ends Tonight

11th January 2010:
OH MY GEE!

What a chapter! I loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it! And yes, it was a quick update which I like a lot :) So Lily cracks me up, she actually does. At first I hated her but the way she acts like she doesn't care it's absolutely hilarious. The way her and Damien talk is hilarious.

And I really feel for Scorpius and Dom as well. I don't understand though, does Dom love him? I'm happy that Scorpius is speaking up though. He told her straight he isn't going to marry her and that shows his courage. It would be easier for him to just drag on the engagement but he's telling her straight out what the facts her - he wants to be with Rose.

Love James & Lily. They were hilarious. Their bickering is so brother-sisterly, you write it perfectly!

I might have said once or twice before but... i love it? Yep, I really do :)

And feel free to make more quick updates :D
Your faithful reader,
Elisa x

Author's Response: My faithful Elisa...

Lily is incredibly fun to write, it's like she's in my head and dictates me her lines. I have to admit she's one of my favorites. As Damien.

Dom is... hard to explain. I'll try to clear things in the next chapters, but she's a woman with a heart sensible enough to be broken. I know that many of my readers might not sympathize with her, but she too has a story to tell.

James and Lily... Perfect brothers, aren't they? :))

Next chapter in the queue! ;)


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Review #20, by elisalinguine_xBeyond Reasonable Doubt: Of Winks and Links and Kinks in the Plan

7th January 2010:
Hi I'm here with review number two!

This was definitely an improvement, a HUGE improvement. I really enjoyed this chapter, I understand more of the characters and you're showing flaws which makes them more real and less plastic like.

I know it seems weird but I love what you did to the Potters. It's refreshing to see because I've never read a fic where the Potter family was divided and full of problems. Making Lily a squib was a great idea as well and making Albus have OCDs was great too. Congrats on that, it was a brilliant idea.

Unlike the last chapter I don't seem to have much criticisms. Once again careful on the over explaining, sometimes it tires the eye and I found myself skipping through certain bits. I didn't find any grammar or spelling mistakes so really well done on that.

Hope my reviews helped :)
8/10!
Elisa x

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm (unbearably) glad you liked the way I portrayed the Potters, as I was very nervous about the whole thing. There are some pretty big canon-fans out there who just scare me with their 'THAT'S NOT FROM THE BOOK!' attitude, and they leave (left?) me unkind reviews.

Thanks again for taking the time to read and review these chapters, I know it's laborious and time-consuming, but it really does improve my writing skills.

-civilized


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Review #21, by elisalinguine_xBeyond Reasonable Doubt: Of Elves, Twins, and Ministers of Magic

7th January 2010:
Hi I'm here with your requested review!

First of all I'm really sorry that it took me so long to get this review to you! I've been really busy at school with exams and completely forgot until today :/

Onto your story!

I think your style of writing is really good and professional. I hardly noticed any spelling mistakes which is always good. However I would be careful with over-explaining. Sometimes it seemed to drag on a little and didn't really hold my attention. But most of it was really well written.

To improve I think you should have given a bit more of an overview of what's happening. The reader is suddenly introduced to so many different characters, all the names are jumbled up in my head and I'm finding it a bit hard to assosiate names and characters and who's who.

I think the ending of the chapter is really good. Kind of a cliff hanger but not so much at the same time. I like the characterization of Rose, it seems very Hermione-ish which is always fun to read.

One thing I would watch out is making all the characters seem too perfect and overconfident. It's always nice to see their flaws here and there, it adds depth to the story and makes it seem more realistic. However this is just the first chapter so it will probably change in the next few.

I hope I wasn't too harsh and this review helped you.
I'll move onto the next chapter now :)
7/10!
Elisa

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading/criticizing this. I've only just got a beta, and she's in the process of editing, so (hopefully?) that will improve this chapter a little... I wrote it forever ago and honestly it's a little embarrassing, but like I said, my beta should be able to help me out with that.

The edited version (coming out soon?) will definitely be better than this, as I'm taking your advice and changing around some of the things with the characters, making them less plastic-y.

Once again, thanks for the review! You definitely are good at handing out criticism without the harsh tone, and for that I thank you!

-civilized


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Review #22, by elisalinguine_xAll Our Future Sins: An alternate reality was all we needed

28th December 2009:
LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT!
you know i always do :)
I like Nott, his character is just like i imagined a perfect ex-death-eater's son. Lily's warming up to me more and more and of course I love Rose & Scorpius. A Hugo as well, he's warming up to me too. Just one quick question, was it Rose at the end of the chapter? I was a bit confused but I think it could only be her...

Great chapter!
Update soon!
Elisa x

Author's Response: My dear, dear, Elisa, who always comes back. I am sorry for not answering your reviews so far, it's been a while since I've been able to do so.
About this chapter... I think I made a terrible mistake, the girl in the end of the chapter is Lily, not Rose, I'll get that fixed as soon as the queue reopens. I'll update this soon, this story is making me fall in love with it again.
Thank you for your support and I hope you'll be back!
Lynn


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Review #23, by elisalinguine_xIt's a Kind of Magic: Enter 101

14th December 2009:
LOVED ITTT! :)

and please carry on with the voices thing, it was hilarious.
i liked how deNile Inc. sounds like denial - that was the point right? And i like voice 101, it seems like the voice of reason... maybe it is? I think that's the only one you haven't mentioned. Hhmm maybe 101 is the voice of reason! is it? :)

I wonder if Sirius will actually believe her or if he will still think she's lying. The dialogue between them is too funny, i cracked up each time.

please update soon!
10/10!
Elisa

Author's Response: thanks so much! great to hear you liked it!
And I really appreciate the feedback on the voices...it looks like I will continue with them ;)
Yes, deNile = denial. Glad you caught on.
101 is a mystery *evil grin* All will be explained...eventually. Maybe you are right, maybe wrong, maybe kind of on the right track...
mwahahah.
Thanks again for the lovely review!
Cheers.
~Saint


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Review #24, by elisalinguine_xOnce Defied: Power, Potions, and Professors

30th October 2009:
Here's your second review!

Definitely an improvement. I found it more interesting than the previous one - maybe because the plot picked up a bit. Once again I didn't find any mistakes and I really like how you're trying to stick to canon as much as possible. It's ironically refreshing to see a canon story. Your characterization was great again and my only flaws would be to cut down a bit of the description and try to really get your reader interested in the story. Short, quirky lines and dry witty humour normally does the trick :)

7/10!
Elisa x

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked the second chapter a bit more! And it's wonderful that you like the canon-ness (I don't think that's a word, but oh well), because it's really important to me.

Thank you so much, elisalinguine_x. The constructive criticism you gave was really wonderful--it revealed that some of the ideas that I have about my writing might be incorrect (i.e. use of dialogue vs. description) and also confirmed some things that I already knew (that I should really work on humour, as it's not my strong suit). Even if you know some of the weaknesses in your own writing, sometimes it takes another person to point it out to really motivate you to work on them!


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Review #25, by elisalinguine_xOnce Defied: The Great Divide

30th October 2009:
Hi I'm here with your requested review.

It was a nice opening chapter but I think sometimes it dragged a bit too much. I found myself skipping parts of description, especially when talking about Anna's family. Maybe try using a bit less and using more dialogue to really drag your reader into the story. I didn't see any spelling mistakes so that's a really good plus :) and I think the characterization is great too.

7/10
Elisa x

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! I really appreciate your thoughts on the story. The chapters are a bit long, and I think the first chapter may have been a bit extra-tedious just because of the whole business of setting things up...and it's so strange, because I usually feel like I have to force myself to not use so much dialogue! I may have been wrong all along...haha. I'll have to keep your suggestions in mind from now on.

Thanks again!


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