What I like about this story is it's originality, first of all. While I find it hard to see Ron as a violent wife-raper, it's put across in a quick, simple and painless manner, something for the reader to quickly digest as they read it and move along. You don't make a big thing out of it, which is intriguing.
It began and came to an end on a cliff egde, somewhere too far for us to find.
Don't think I missed that Paramore reference either ;)
However, amongst all that, I think it was too abrupt. Not the ending, but alot of points that could have used more elaboration were cut short, the alcohol in particular. I will never see Hermione as an ethanol abuser, but whatever. Some extension on that part could really help improve the general flow of the story overall. The length, aswell. I admire that you managed to fit this whole story into 700 words, but I think it just needs more elaboration, because it obviously has alot of backstory from what we're told, yet it's too abrupt for us to focus.
I really liked this though, Brad. Honestly, I did. Sorry if I seem too critical, there are just a couple of things that need tweaking.
I hope you write more ♥Author's Response: ^_^
Thanks Liam,to be honest, I was expecting more evil nasty comments. ;D
I quite enjoy writing on hpff, I just need more inspiration!
Yayy half term, hopefully that'll give me time to write more stuff.
First off, I want you to know that that was absolutely amazing, definitely one of the best things I have read in a long, long time. I enjoyed every single word of it, it was just brilliant.
Your characterisations were just flawless. Draco is very sick and twisted and vile, it's like taking him from the books and just upping that cruelty to a whole new dimension. It was brilliant, if not slightly disturbing, to read that ^_^
Descriptions were brilliant. Your metaphors especially drew me in, really made me think, and reading them was just a pleasure.
Amazing, Kate :]
10/10Author's Response: oh god i completely forgot about this review!
i am truly sorry liam!
right, im so pleased you enjoyed this!
i love twisting draco into something warped and evil. its fun, lol!
thanks so much hun!! Report Review
A work of pure and unimaginable genius.
That's really all I have to say about this story. Perhaps that seems like a little bit of an over-exaggeration, but from where I'm sitting, it really is not.
In the mere 518 words you've used, you've captured the very essence of Snape/Lily, and that takes true talent, which we all know you have anyway, but that isn't the point.
Very interesting that this should be set in a potions class, aswell. Perhaps I'm just seeing some irony that isn't actually there, but seeing Snape's longing for Lily in the classroom he would come to spend many years teaching in himself is very interesting.
Your descriptions were to die for, absolutely perfect, and the way you ended it was so ... crushing. I really did feel sorry for Snape, which, by the way, is something that never ever happens as a rule for me.
Brilliant, Susan. I really did love it ^_^Author's Response: Oh wow, Liam! I've tried to respond to this review a few times now, and it's very hard to figure out what to say in response to all these compliments. ^_^ It was such a one-off story, something that just came out without a lot of thought or planning - maybe it's because of that that this story worked out, haha.
It's wonderful that, in so few words, this story was able to capture the essence of their relationship. It's such a classic unrequited love tale, which makes it easier to write in a way, following along the same pattern that JKR did in "The Prince's Tale." I liked the idea of having them together in Potions class, though I didn't think of it in the way you did, with Snape in the place he'd spend a large amount of his adult life. That is indeed a cruel fate, and one has to wonder how much Snape thought of Lily while in that classroom.
Yay! You felt sorry for Snape! That's more than I could have asked for in response to this story. :D Thank you for that! And for this review as a whole - it was wonderful to receive and I'm very thankful that you took the time to read and review this story. ^_^ Report Review
Rin! Oh my God!
I found this totally by chance. I just clicked on horror/dark looking for some new stories to read, and I found this! And YAY! I remember you mentioning this a while ago when we spoke, but it's awesome to actually read it!
This was such an interesting question. You're right, it does move very fast and with little explanation, but really, that's a good start. This is the kind of opening that really draws the reader in and makes them want to know more, and I just loved reading every moment of it!
Rose is very, very creepy. She's obviously consumed with grief and anger, aswell as some kind of flawed logic about what happened, whatever it may actually be.
It must have been something major for Rose to kill her own brother, who, from what I understand, have a good relationship (I'm just going on the epilogue here).
From what I gather, though, Hugo killed Ginny? I think ... Well, Rose keeps thinking "it's what Ginny would have wanted" in any case. Just guessing ^_^
Great job, Rin!
I really cannot wait to read more of this hon :]
xAuthor's Response: OMIGOD Liam, you have no idea how happy you have just made me. I mean... Oh my god. Thank you so much! You've totally made my day.
Yes, it does move really fast, but I SWEAR I'll explain it all later. :) You've realized what I wanted the reader to realize so far, so THANK YOU for giving me some confidence that it wasn't totally crap!
Gah. I love you. :)
- Rin Report Review
Oh. My. God. Kalina.
I am absolutely amazed by this. No, really. It's such an original style, and so interesting to read. I actually love that you are keeping it so short, strangely enough, it makes the whole thing seem very bittersweet and snappy, it's very interesting.
I love it, and I can't wait to read the other five chapters :')Author's Response: Liam, I love you. You're amazing. Point in case. You flatter me when no flattery is deserved. *huggles* Thank you so much for the review, I'm so happy you're liking it! (And I think part of the reason I was writing short chapters was to say "hey! I can finish a WIP!")
But thank you so much! *hugs*
XOXO, Kalina Report Review
Rin, that was fantastic.
The whole thing just felt so ... real. You captured Draco's emotions and his attitude so well. Even in his despair in Half-Blood Prince, he never gave up until the end, he still went through and almost did it, and I can imagine he had many more moments like when Harry saw him in the bathroom.
It was so interesting to see it from his point of view, I really enjoyed it.
Loved it, Rin. I really did :]
10/10Author's Response: Aw, Liam, I wake up this morning and suddenly there's this lovely review! AND it was left by you, so that was definitely a plus. Thank you so much, Liam, you have no idea how much this means to me. I'm really, really ecstatic that you enjoyed it. :)
Wonderful chapter, as per usual.
It was good to see so much of Flitwick. His character is usually forgotten in fanfiction, of which most of us are guilty, so it was nice to see more of him, and hopefully there will be more of him throughout the story.
Forbia's dream and vision are slightly creepy. Well, not slightly. Very XD I can't wait to see what happens there!
Wonderful story, can't wait to read more of it (:
10/10Author's Response: Hiya Liam!
Thanks so much for the awesome review! I really do appreciate your comments. ^_^
I'm so glad you enjoyed Flitwick's appearance in this chapter. He's such a great character with so much spirit. I would love to have him as a professor. ;)
I do hope you have a great weekend. ^_^ Take care!
celticbard Report Review
Another wonderful chapter.
Freddy is such a believable, interesting and relatable character, which is brilliant. She's a normal person, with normal insecurities and realistic emotions, which is hard to find in a lot of fics, so well done on that.
I thought the shutters prank was horrible, and when we found out the motive behind it, and what it meant, I couldn't help but feel so sympathetic for Freddy.
The goat's head prank was also very mean. Freddy's sudden and unexpected outburst was very surprising, and yet over the last two chapters we can see how that has grown and why she suddenly exploded.
I can't wait to see what happens with her and Lupin, either. They certainly didn't start on the right foot, did they? ^_^
Great job, Lee Anne [:Author's Response: Hi Liam!
Haha, you're quite right. Lupin really did not make a good impression on Freddy, although it wasn't entirely his fault. Just bad timing, I suppose.
I'm so happy to hear that you like Freddy as a character, especially since she isn't exciting or attractive like most OCs.
Again, it was wonderful hearing from you, Liam. Thank you so much! I hope you have a fantastic weekend. ^_^
celticbard Report Review
Once again, I am in awe.
This chapter was so interesting. The little hints to the canon timeline also added a seperate element to the story. The Boggart in the Wardrobe, for example. That reference was wonderful, very intriguing to read.
I wonder why the shutters bothered her so much ... Hmm. I suppose we'll find out later, but I'm already extremely interested to find out why she should care so much about shutters ...
This darker side of Freddy, which we're seeing through Hermione's point of view, is very interesting indeed, and in stark contrast to both the first chapter and the first half of this chapter, it makes me wonder if she has more sinister motives than we first experience.
God, this is so interesting!
Wonderful work, Lee Anne, really.
10/10Author's Response: Awww, thank you Liam! I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter and the little references to POA. I just love it when authors use details from the book, though I often have to remind myself to include them. ;)
There will be much more on the shutters in the next chapter. It's sort of an obscure reference, though just the sort of thing that would bother Freddy.
And as to her motives, my lips are sealed. I dare not give any of the plot away! Haha. ;)
Thanks again for the awesome review! Take care!
celticbard Report Review
Wow, Lee Anne!
Forgive me, but I've been meaning to read this story for a long time, yet every time I have just forgotten. I am truly sorry for that, really. How I didn't start reading this before is just beyond me, to be honest. (Sounds confusing, I know ^.^)
Freddie's character is very intriguing already! Her flawed character is something I find very interesting. Already you've set her up brilliantly, her self conciousness about her weight, her natural interest in more exotic magical practices, everything about her as a character just seems perfect, and knowing you, I'm sure it will only get better!
I'm really not one for AU, but this was fantastic. The ending, especially, was a wonderful cliffhanger, and I honestly cannot wait to find out what happens next!
10/10Author's Response: Hi Liam!
Thank you so much for the wonderful review! And please don't apologize. I'm just pleased to hear that you enjoyed this opening character. ^_^
I'm so very glad that you like Freddy's characterization. I personally love OCs, though I know they always run the risk of turning into Sues, (which is my greatest fear). ;)
It was wonderful hearing from you, as always. And I really do appreciate your thoughtful feedback. I hope you have a pleasant weekend!
celticbard Report Review
This is win on so many levels :')
Nikki's sarcasm makes me laugh so much Jess, it's really well written. And oh my God, the pineapples were so awesome and fun to read :'D
Gah, this is such a short review, but I honestly don't have much to say! It was so good ^_^
xo Report Review
Jess, you just keep impressing me. It's like you can do no wrong with your writing! And after just reading Lacrymosa, it's nice to read something less dark xD
Nikki is a really interesting character so far. And maybe it's just the banner, but I am reminded of Juno (minus the pregnancy and all :P). I think she has alot of potential to be a really awesome character. You've already taken her away from cliches and Mary Sue-ness, which is always good, of course. That's refreshing, because it annoys me to no end when James or Albus are involved, and suddenly, MARY SUE AND HER INFINITE WISDOM shows up >_<
Aha, I love Slughorn's eyebrows on fire xD I could actually picture it with Jim Broadbent. Damn that would've been hilarious ^_^
I shall read moar.
xox Report Review
Okay, that was amazing. Like, uber, uber good. I am so glad I started reading this!
It's a little odd that Teddy has a cell phone, but I'm relatively open minded, so whatever xD
Sophie seems like a really interesting character. A total bitch, clearly, but interesting all the same. Her characterisation is just perfect. I love how she calls Victorie "Doll-Face" and "Blondie" XD
This is absolutely brilliant, I really can't wait to read more of this.
and favourited, of course ^_^Author's Response: LIAM BB
I'm glad you started reading it too!
I figured since like, it was the 21st century, and everyone has one, Teddy would too. Especially since he has some non-wizarding friends in this, who will show up later. So there actually was a purpose for it. xD
I'm so glad you like Sophie. I put alot of work into her, trying not to make her your typical OC, if you know what I mean.
Oh. My. God.
Hi, Melanie! I've seen this around alot and I've been wanting to read it for a long time, and I'm glad I finally did!
Wow, that was so funny. I was sitting here cracking up at this. When Molly was on the show, oh my, I was in hysterics.
"Well, dear, it's just been so long since you've come over, and you hardly ever write. You know, we're having everyone over for supper this Saturday, and I was rather worried you'd forgotten."
LMAO! Oh my God, this was just so funny.
The whole thing just had me cracking up.
Wow, I look forward to reading the rest later!
10/10Author's Response: Hey, Liam! Thanks so much for stopping by and reviewing! I'm so glad you like it so far. Especially the part with Molly...she's so much fun to poke fun at, with all her worrying and fretting. XD
Hope you like the rest...thanks again for taking the time to review!
Melanie Report Review
Kara, as I write this, I am in tears. As I've already told you over MSN, this has to be the best one shot I have ever read. Without a shadow of a doubt. Although everything you write is amazing, this has to be one of your best, just behind WTB (that's mah babeh).
The imagery in this is amazing. I could visualise everything so clearly, it was fantastic to read and so sad! I really started to cry, it was so good.
When young Scorpius was begging Astoria not to go ... that was the saddest part, for me. How he ran around picking up his toys and cleaning up in the desperate hope that it would keep her fro leaving ... oh my. So brilliant, so sad.
I hate Draco. I really do! And the emotion at the end was just ... amazing. Part of me wishes to know what happened with Scorpius and Draco after he discovered what has been going on, but another (stronger) part of me knows that was the absolute perfect place to leave this fic.
Oh God. Amazing, absolutely amazing.
Ilysm. And this story? Impeccible. Fantastic. Brilliant. Genius. Perfect. Amazing.
Sorry, but there are not enough adjectives in the English language to describe what this story is.
xox Report Review
Woah, another brilliant chapter!
I've mentioned before that I don't really like AU stories, but this is so ... captivating. It's so interesting, and I love the idea.
The note was truly chilling. I read that line over and over, and it actually did send a shiver down my spine. It was so creepy and perfect, but I think Hermione has it all wrong. Surely it wouldn't be that obvious? No, there must be something more to it!
I think it's a little convenient that Draco just happened to be there, but I have an idea why he is, so that's okay.
Another very good chapter, I'm truly enjoying this :]Author's Response: Hey Liam!
I am so glad that you are enjoying this- and seeing as you don't like most AU stories I am all the more flattered ^_^.
You are the FIRST person to think that Hermione has the note wrong. There's an A/N about it in the next chapter- and I'm probably going to be hounded for saying this- but that isn't the end of it either. It comes back in much, much later chapters ;-). And no, it's not all it seems to be. You are incredibly perceptive!
And Draco is there for a reason- which you also find out in much, much later chapters. You're going to make me give the story away in my giddiness so I'll stop talking :-).
Thank you SO SO SO much! You are incredible- and I really appreciate it!
I've favourited this now ^_^
Such an interesting story!
Draco's character is perfect. This remorse and guilt he seems to hold, and at the same time he's trying to be kind to Hermione and Harry, it just seems so ... real. It's like a double personality, and it's very good.
I felt so sorry for Ron when he was crying, it made me angry with Hermione >_>
I can't ait to see how those two interact in the next chapter!
Brilliant ^_^Author's Response: Hey Liam!
You have me quite speechless- thank you so much for the favorite =). I feel truly honored and I cannot thank you enough for your help in this story.
I am glad you are finding Draco realistic- and the phrase "double personality" is a very, very good way to describe it. So many Dramiones have Harry and Draco being friends by the first chapter- and I've never found that to be realistic.
I am floored that you feel sorry for Ron- and I mean that in a good way =). I've never had anyone take his side before and I really love readers who take an unconventional approach and step outside the box. I hope you find his portrayal consistent in later chapters- he certainly is not completely one-dimensional.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! =) Report Review
I'm so glad I found this story, it's magnificent, really.
It was nice to see this part of the plot get resolved, such an interesting opening couple of chapters must mean we have alot to look forward to later on in the story ^_^
The dialogue in thsi chapter, particularly McGonagall's, was extremely well written, it flowed naturally and smoothly, and it fit in exactly with her character, in my opinion. It was very interesting to read that XD
Harry's characterisation was very good here, he fit in with his canon character, which was great.
I loved it :)Author's Response: Honestly, I think I'm going to have to find some undiscovered talent to perfect - and then use it to thank you =) Your reviews are spectacular and I am definitely taking every word into account! Thank you SO much, Liam!
I am glad you found the first chapters an interesting read- and I'm very, very ecstatic that you want to keep reading.
I am relieved that you found McGonagall's dialogue in character- that was definitely one of the major concerns I had with the chapter. =)
And the fact that you found Harry's characterization realistic is a relief as well- I'm so glad you are enjoying the story!
I owe you. Post in my review thread and I'll get to it this weekend ^_^. *attacks with hugs* Report Review
Hey again ^_^
I enjoyed this chapter far more than the first one. That's not to say that the first chapter wasn't good, but the writing of this chapter has definitely improved, and your style and flow fit well.
My only criticism is that there wasn't enough detail for me in some parts. I'm a detail junkie, so, yeah, but I would have liked to see a little more of how the water felt when she hit it, more of an eerie atmosphere in the woods ;)
But other than that, this was a very good chapter. Hermione's feelings on lying seem spot on, and I really enjoyed it, well done ^_^
10/10Author's Response: Hello Liam! Thank you so much for another spectacular review!
I am glad you found this chapter to be an improvement over the first one- my hope is that the story improves as it goes along. I take no offense and understand exactly why you would say that ;-). Thank you!
This chapter should be quite detail-specific, and as a fellow detail junkie I will definitely go back and add a bit ^_^. I appreciate your honesty and I agree, it's definitely needed.
I'm glad you found Hermione's feelings spot-on- I've never thought I was terribly good at introspection and that's the vast majority of this chapter.
Thank you so much for your review! I really appreciate you taking the time ;-) x Report Review
Hey Sarah, I'm here from Aparecium to review ^_^
On principle, I usually don't read AU or Dramione, but there was something about your summary that really caught me straight away and made me want to read this, so here I am xD
That was a good opening chapter, and I absolutely loved the ending. There are far too many stories where authors just give you the characters going to the station, getting on the train, et cetera et cetera, and it's so generic and boring. Forgive me, but I thought the story was heading that way, when BAM, here's this big Death Eater attack! Aha, that was awesome, but we'll get to that in a minute xD
There were a couple of things I noticed that bothered me, so I'll just point those out quickly.
Ron came out, panting, seconds later, holding his trunk with one hand. He threw it haphazardly into the trunk before slamming the lid shut.
I was really confused by this part. You use the word "trunk" twice in the same couple of sentences to refer to two completely seperate things. Perhaps you could call Ron's trunk his "school trunk" or something like that just to differentiate between them?
Also, just a few paragraph apart you've used the same sentence:
and he walked beside her, laughing at her observations.
and laughing at each other's observations.
That just threw me off a little bit, you might want to consider re-wording one of them slightly ^_^
And one more error I noticed:
"Harry, if you ever tell her I said this I happily kill you-"
That should be "I'll"
Right, I bet I seem really harsh and mean now. I don't mean to, sorry D:
But this was really very good, I enjoyed it! I really want to know what happens to Hermione :D
9/10Author's Response: Liam! =)
You are not harsh at all- your reviews are exceptional and incredibly helpful! I am definitely in your debt- and let me offer my personal congratulations to you for becoming a Temp! ;-)
I am very grateful to you for reading- especially as Dramione's aren't your cup of tea. I really appreciate your take- and I'm glad you didn't find the opening chapter quite as predictable as so many are ^_^. I certainly didn't want to open with a train ride, Dumbledore's speech, a Hermione/Draco moment where they look across the hall and make eye contact - knowing that each is irrevocably changed, etc etc. Haha, you get the picture ;-).
Thank you so much for the smaller details as well- I will definitely fix those in editing when the queue reopens! I really appreciate you taking the time to point those out- it will help the story tremendously and I cannot thank you enough.
Thank you for your amazing, detailed, insightful review! And I truly hope you enjoy the next chapter ;-) x Report Review
Ooh, this would have been so awesome in second person! (You actually can put it in second person now - because they decided that if it's told from a canon character's POV, it's acceptable xD)
Anyway, on to my review!
So I don't read many Dramione's for the same reason that everyone else who doesn't read Dramione's doesn't - I find them cliched, boring and totally unoriginal.
But this was so interesting. It's a very detailed, emotional and atmospheric piece, and to be honest, I didn't even notice the tense changes o.o
So that must say something about how good the writing of this story was!
It seems like both Hermione and Draco have something to hide. Really Draco is a sensitive person, but his exterior and behavior suggest the exact opposite, where Hermione acts like the good girl, when really, she's a total and utter cow, and those Jekyll/Hyde personalities you have for them both are really interesting to read!
I'm favouriting this, because I loved it. I thought you did an excellent job with it :)
Brilliant.Author's Response: ZOMG THANK YOU! Did not know that. I always miss these things, haha. Thank you for letting me know!
And on to the real response:
I love making people like Dramiones, there is nothing more satisfying - I think the horrible reputation of the ship makes me want to do something for it, lol. But thank you so much for the amazing compliments!
I'm glad you liked Hermione and Draco. I was going out on a limb, a bit, with their characterisations - Hermione is a cold hearted vixen, and Draco is more vulnerable than he likes to think.
Anywayyy, thank you so much for this lovely, kind review! It really made my night, thank you :D Report Review
Hey Alicia, I'm here to review from Aparecium ^_^
Well first of all, this is a very nice idea you have here. I have to admit the summary is very powerful, it draws you in, so kudos on that.
The angsty Ron is very good. To see how happy everyone is in comparison to him is just overwhelming, and yet his character remains realistic and believable, without going overboard and turning him into some kind of depressed emo Ron *eye roll*, so again, well done on that, I enjoyed that.
The tension is also something that I liked. To me, atmosphere is very important in writing, and it's something alot of writers skip over. I was loving that.
The only problem I had with it was that the ending was a bit, "BAM! THAT'S YOUR LOT" ... you know, sudden. While it was a good place to end the chapter, I think it could have been a little smoother ^_^
Great job, though, Alicia! I'd love to read chapter two when it's up :DAuthor's Response: Liam! -glomp-
Thanks so much for takin' the time to stop by and read, even though you didn't have to!
Honestly, that was just a line in my first chapter (as you know) and I needed something to put in there for the summary so I could post, but I think I will keep it. To get others interested and wanting to read!
That was my flaw I had with the chapter too. The ending. It's like it doesn't want me to end it or something. I do great with the beginning and then at the end it's crappy. *sigh*
Thank you so so much Liam for stoping by and reviewing! I'll definately let you know when the second chapter is posted! xD
xoxo Report Review
That was fantastic, do you know that?
I'm not one for such short pieces, and I was surprised when I saw that word count (I forgot about you mentioning it!). But wow, it was so poignent and atmospheric, I really felt engaged in the whole thing.
Such an odd ship, aswell. I've never seen a Filch/Rosmerta, and I definitely never would have considered going to look for one, but you've peaked my interest now.
Thank you for writing such a brilliant one-shot ;)
xoAuthor's Response: thank you so much :) Report Review
TIS I. LIAM.
That was awesome! Okay, it was really short, I would've liked a little more, but it was fantastic! Scorpius seems very emo xD "I hate everyone. I hate America. I hate the Potters" et cetera.
Gah, a crossover with Repo, of all things ♥
Short review, I know, I fail.
xoxAuthor's Response: MY LIAM.
I'm glad you liked it! And yes, Scor is uber-emo-betch (much like a certain mr. potter xD ) but he is going to change a lot in the story. I can't say whether its for the better or worse, cause that would ruin things, but there will be a significant change in him.
I'm so glad you love it!
-squishes- Report Review
Hey Shiloh, I'm here to review as part of the Round Robin at Inkstains ^_^
First of all, I'm going to admit something that will tear away the very last shred of any former masculinity I may have had once (:P) ... I cried. I really cried.
And believe me, when it comes to fanfictions, it takes alot to make me cry. But you managed it.
Kudos to you for that.
You have such an interesting and well characterised Molly here. I think she's exactly in character, right down to her dialogue. I've never really thought of things from her perspective, but looking at it again ... Shiloh I just don't have the words to describe to you how beautiful this story is already. It was so emotional and wonderful, so delicately written, every word was just wonderful to read.
At the end, where she calls George Fred ... My heart ripped apart. I just ... you know, I don't even have the words for it. I have of course favourited this, it is absolutely amazing and you should be proud of it.
Also, I'm replying to your PM @ TGS now (I had computer problems! Don't hurt me Dx)
♥Author's Response: Aww, Liam :) That was a wonderful review. I'm glad you liked the story so much. You'd have laughed if you'd seen the original...
I wrote the original version for a challenge at FanLib, like two years ago, and then it sat forever. I found it a couple months ago and decided that it might actually have a bit of merit if I cleaned it up and worked out the kinks. So I'm glad that it was successful :)
love and squishes babeh!
~Shiloh Report Review
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