Ahhh Breaking the Quidditch Code.. itís been so long. Iím so happy James is back. I was beginning to think he may have run away from us and wasnít going to come back.. and I think he was close to as well. Fortunately you have great readers who support him in all his endeavours! ;)
Oh and while I remember, the name Abigail has been popping up everywhere for me lately. I has been very odd!
1.She was encouraged to date my baby brother because he was a man.
I like this coz there was baby brother and man in the same sentence. James is very funny :)
2.The only thing I saw was Avery Flynn walking with her chin raised, down the steps to where the snowball fight was planned.
Oh I love this side of her! The feisty side. She and James match so well. I canít wait til I see a bit of lover action.. just like nice holding hands when they both realise they have feelings for each other. Itís going to be very cute.
3.I even saw Freddieís eye twitch, though that could have been from the addled brains or the sexual frustration from not having sex with Abigail.
Hahahahaa! Why isnít Abigail putting out, I ask myself? How can she resist Fred? Fred is like a complete sex god right? Man.. there must definitely be some testosterone at the Weasley/Potter family Xmasí. I canít wait to see what goes down. And it will probs have nothing to do with Fredís testosterone. Gosh, Iím making no sense. Oh well. I just want to know why Abigail isnít putting out haha!
4.ďThe other captain is Avery Flynn because I am going to demolish the Bludger right out of her.Ē
Fred coughed a word that sounded oddly like ďgrades.Ē
Hahahahahahahahaahahah! This was amazing too! You should have put ďIím going to destroy herĒ and Fred to have coughed grades. I would have laughed myself stupid. But this was pretty good anyway. Love them.
5.ďShut up, toe rag,Ē Lily snapped.
Yeah! Go for it Lily! I love that Ginny-ness in her.
6.I wrenched her away from the tree again, pulling on the fabric of her cloak and she landed on top of me. Then I shoved snow in her face and down her shirt and in her hair.
Woah! Woah woah woah. James. Be careful. Youíre going to see the blatant truth soon. And hell, itís going to tear him apart. And this chapter has already pulled down his world. Holy hell, I donít even want to imagine what it is going to be like when it changes for him and Avery. What on earth is going to happen with the code!?
7I stared. Well, bollocks.
Damn right, James.
8.And the land of Oz!
I put this in here purely because I think its cool and IM FROM THERE EVERYONE!!! That really was just a little shoutout to me wasnít it? Hahaha. Did you deliberately put it in there, or it just came to you? Iím just probably being heaps precious.
9.Meta looked around, a devious smirk on her face. ďJust so you know, itís not that common and it doesnít happen to every guy.Ē
Hahahahahaha Oh no she didnít! Go Meta. Youíre a cow and everything, but that is flipping hilarious. Poor Bink. Does it really happen to him?
10.Breaking the Quidditch Code is going to ruin everything.Ē
Oh yes Jamsie, it certainly is! As I said in the previous quote, I canít wait to see what his reaction will be when he figures out that he fancies Avery. His world will fall apart and I wonder if a talk with Harry will make it better? Hopefully. Iíd love to see a little James/Harry bonding time.
This is a pathetic excuse for a review, but you said you were going to forgive me. When the queue reopens, I promise I am going to read and review straight away. That way I can make them a bit better quality.
Now, I think the next chapter is going to be on holidays? If it isnít... then I think it will be the aftermath of everyone finding out about Meta and Bink. I think Avery might console James as well. And then maybe he might be alarmed at another too close moment?! That could be interesting. But Iím sure you have it all planned out and nothing like this will happen haha. I can dream.
I reaaly want to know about what is going to happen on Xmas holidays. I feel like itís going to be something huge. And heck, we are only 18 chapters in. We have SO many to go. I want more Harry/Ginny! But Iím assured they are coming soon! :)
I love adult harry. He is so nice. So weathered and wise.
Anyway, brill chapter. Looking forward to more drama drama drama!!! :) 10/10!Author's Response: Ding ding--round two! Onto BTQC! I am so fortunate that so many people support James. I'm sitting at 390+ favorites right now. That's insane! I'm so lucky. And as for Abigail...weird that it has been popping up so much. That happens to me every once in a while, though not with Abigail.
1. James just has something wrong with him. Loyalty to his family and superiority to his siblings. What a weird combo.
2. Avery is very feisty. We haven't seen much of that side of her yet, but it's going to start coming out. :)
3. Actually, you won't get to see the Weasley family Christmas, but I'm sure there will be plenty of manly testosterone. Poor Freddie. I guess we'll have to find out more about Abigail (hint: we will).
4. Those boys are crazy.
5. Lily is starting to come even more out of her shell. She needs to. For a specific reason.
6. Wouldn't you like to know? Makes me giddy just thinking about it.
8. I'm good at shoutouts haha
9. Nah, Meta is just a jerk. Bink doesn't have any problems. She just wants no one else to date him.
10. What do you think James's reaction will be?
Next chapter won't be on Italy, but in chapter 20 they'll be heading south for break. Yeah, we really do have a lot of chapters to go. You'll get to see Harry/Ginny and Harry interact with James and plenty of drama to keep you busy. Thanks for the review! I appreciate it! Report Review
Well first of all, who wouldnít like the chapter that was titled, ĎBrowniesí? I was very excited to read this since it is like your comeback month for me at the moment :)
It was a while since I have read this, but from looking at the quotes I have copied, it is coming back to me pretty quickly.
Now, Iím going to have to apologise for these reviews. I know they arenít going to be up to my usual standard because I have waited so long to review and that means all the fresh thoughts wonít be in it... but I think youíll forgive me since I am number one reviewer anyway. I canít believe I have set myself up to this standard, so that now when itís not over 1000 words, I feel guilty haha! Oh well. Iíll stop procrastinating now. On with the review! Oh and this time, I will remember to number the quotes! I donít know how I could have been so silly before lol!
1.Mumís eyes stopped scanning and she turned the book toward me. It was Emma. Her slender fingers pointed to the line, ďOne half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.Ē I stared.
Emma was her mumís name? I may have that wrong..
I canít really remember why I put this quote in.. but I think it was to do with the fact that its very well written and fairly emotional. The slender fingers part... and it reminds me a lot of Jane too. Good one.
2.I went back to filing through clothes and found a nice tank top with professional ruffles.
Hahaha! I laughed at this and Iím laughing now too! And I have to say, ruffles ALWAYS look good on girls, especially if it is around the cleavage area. My favourite top that I own has ruffles all the way down the centre.
3.Unless her date is a burly bloke, then no can do.
Hahaha! Oh Dodger! You could take on the burly bloke for sure! I love their relationship. It has turned out to be so natural. I love how you worked it out to be just so. Who would have thought that back in Keep Away that this would have happened!?
4.Oh, by the way I still have feelings for him and Iím going over there with the hopes that heíll return them.
Donít be silly Jane, of course he will return them... itís Oliver! Youíre meant to be! I like that she is being very honest with herself this chapter. I think it is the first step to happiness!
5His brow was sweaty. It was adorable.
Only on Oliver would I find this adorable. Usually sweat grosses me out.
6.ďI hope you do better.Ē I paused. ďIíd definitely love to tag along to a couple games.Ē Was I out of my bleeding mind? I came to tell him off.
No, youíre going fine the way you are, Jane! She is just trying to be angry, but seriously, youíre in love with him, you canít help it!
I canít wait til she tags along to games again. It will be just like old times.
7.Oliver leapt out from the hallway, standing in the light from the window, and I gasped. Literally, I nearly choked on nothing at all.
Hahahaha! That was hilarious! What was he thinking the weirdo! But I nearly choked too! I have a very good mental image in my mind about what Oliver would look like all naked and muscley... very nice indeed!
8.ďWhat are you thinking?Ē Oliver asked, doing a little dance in front of me. That smirk. Cocky, sexy smirk.
Hahahaha! Oliver doing a dance! I was seriously cracking up the whole time. Another good mental image right here. I also love that smirk too. It wouldnít be an Oliver story without the smirk!
9.Fame, fortune, being waited on. Is that what I wanted? I didnít know Liam that well. Who was to say he was like Bastian? The moment he talked about sailing the Mediterranean Iíd have to stop speaking to him.
Yeah, thatís not Jane Perry, is it? No. She needs someone that is on the same level as her. I have her and Oliverís future planned out in my head. Itís amazing.
10.ďWhy do you care so much, Jane Perry? What the hell does Liam Denters have that I donít have?Ē
Liam just isnít you. That would be the perfect response. Wouldnít really make sense, but I donít care... lol itís clichť and beautiful!
11.ďI know. And for nearly a month I couldnít stop thinking about you.Ē
Aw! :D What a line. This was amazing. As is the next quote. Gosh, I love you Oliver!
12.ďBecause I let you go once,Ē he said, squeezing my fingers. ďIím not letting you go again.Ē
Ahhh! Yay! I love it so much. The rest of that scene is brilliant! I think you should make it into a movie!
13.ďWait.Ē He swatted my hand away and then grabbed it, kissing each knuckle. He pulled me closer and then kissed me again. I forgot all about brownies until he broke it and stared at me, pompous smirk playing at his lips. ďI havenít been able to do that for a month. I have to make up for lost time.Ē
Oh goodness. This stuff is amazing. You need to make this into a movie. It would be so incredible! Lol.
Wel finally, after a bleeding huge amount of chapters, they are finally back together! Iím still suspicious.. like I always am after a chapter coz it just seems too good to be true... but you have informed me that they have been broken up for like 11 chapters or something.. and it seems like it is going to be okay... but Iím still keeping my guard up just in case! If I let it down and they break up, I reckon I would cry.. so Iím staying suspicious for now.
I have no idea what is coming up now. I know you have a bunch of scenes up your sleeve and I have absolutely no idea whatís going to happen!
Sory for the long wait! Itís over 1000 words tho! :)Author's Response: Okay, I'm finally here to respond. Sometimes I have to set aside a big chunk of time to respond to reviews just because it takes me so long to go through this. But it takes you just as long to write it so I appreciate it. Won't you just love seeing all of your crazy reviews when I get the books printed? Anyway.
1. It's a quote from Jane Austen's "Emma"
2. I have a professional ruffled top too. They're just wonderful.
3. I think that's my favorite part--that back in Keep Away people wanted to throw Roger off a plane and now everyone loves him now that he isn't in it for Jane's heart. Well, so we think.
4. Step one--check. Go Jane!
5. Sweat is rather gross, but on Oliver and his nervousness, it's kind of hot I think.
6. Jane tagging along should be fun. I have some things planned.
7. Could you just imagine that moment? Jane sitting awkwardly in the living room and Oliver just leaps out and he's wearing that crazy gettup? I would have lost it laughing, haha.
8. Dance plus smirk equals wonderful. It wouldn't be my story without a smirk.
9. Do you have Oliver and Jane's future planned? I'm interested!! haha.
10. haha, you know I couldn't put that. I do love it.
11. He's adorable.
12. It's pretty much so many other movies, with the addition of brownies, haha.
At least for now, you can be off your guard. For now. You have some time. Some...well, I can't tell you what else you have. I do have a bunch of scenes up my sleeve. Lots of rando stuff. Thanks for the review! As always, I loved it! Report Review
Here I am finally to get this review done for you. I had a sick day today, so I decided to do something productive.
I found myself very much in line with Laura this chapter. The whole throwing a snowball near Sirius, just so I could look at him very much realistic. I would so do that... in fact, I think I have before. Just not snowballs, coz it doesnít snow where I live. But like deliberately sending a text message, or throwing something at them or near them... or asking someone a question that is near them. Iím quite bad like that. It is such a girl thing to do. So in this banter of a paragraph, what Iím really trying to tell you is that I love that the way you write is so realistic. That is the actions of any normal girl. Wel done! :)
You know, for someone who was so good at dodging spells in a duel, he was surprisingly slow in a snowball fight.
Somehow, I think Sirius meant to dodge that one quite late. ;) Although, perhaps I amr reading into it too much.
He was looking at me strangely as I fussed over him, an odd look in his eyes that I couldnít place.
Bloody hell... itís always a look that the person canít place and it leaves the audience high and dry. Youíre certainly a tough one mel! Driving me up the wall with this sexual tension... my goodness!
Lily clearly agreed, as she beamed at me once we had all finished and promised, ďYouíll knock his socks off.Ē
Oh Lily, youíre a sneak. I wish that we could have a little interlude from Sirius in there, describing how Laura looked to him. That would be to die for... but we do get a little bit of that at the end. GAH! Iím so in need of this next chapter!
James, in very stylish dress robes of dark green, seemed unable to speak for a full minute
Aw! I love this!!! :D
and I used the conversation as another excuse to not look at where Sirius was. I even pulled it off: I had to admit, my self-discipline was getting better.
I have to admit, this is another thing I would be doing as well. Trying very hard not to look at the object of my affections, cept I fail at this hands down. Itís true though, when you like someone, you ALWAYS look at them. I love that stage of the relationship. Itís so cute. Ahhh I love this story.
Charlotte and Remus were dancing together, closely but somewhat awkwardly, but that could have been due to the fact that Irving Mulciber and Scylla Pritchard kept intentionally bumping into them, trying to knock them over.
Hahahahaa! I loved this one. Those Slytherin freaks are awful.. but I had to laugh. Iím a meanie.
ďMy turn now?Ē he asked easily, offering me his hand.
My goodness. I died from this point onwards. It was like a slow stabbing in my side of happiness... gradually building. I particularly liked the part where you used the word devastatingly. Very fitting.
whereas Sirius, while he had broad shoulders and wasnít what you would call small by any stretch, had a leaner, more wiry build.
You donít know how much I was waiting for this. This is my absolute favourite type of man. You have confirmed my love for a fictional character. Give me broad shoulders and Iím done. I need nothing else, but tallness and broad shoulders. Oh, sigh.
I rested my chin on his shoulder, feeling his heart beat rather quickly through the robes.
Pick up on it! Come on Laura, you can do it!
ďThe thing is,Ē he said, still quietly and almost nervously, ďnow that Iíve got you, I have absolutely no intention of letting you go.Ē
My goodness. I was the quivering wreck at this point. I couldnít believe it. Sirius is just the most amazing creature ever.
And then you finished the chapter just after this. Just after he said he couldnít take his eyes off all her all night! It was on the verge of crying and laughing hysterically coz I was so happy that theyíre almost there. Almost together. I reaaly hope things donít get interrupted next chapter and it gets screwed up for a few more chapters.
And I realy hope she believes him.
This was so good, Mel! I loved it! Please get us out of our misery soon!Author's Response: Hi again!
Wow, this was a fantastic review. Thank you! I shall try to do it justice ...
Okay. You're dead right in that Sirius wasn't really trying to dodge those snowballs. Let's just say that he didn't have the same motivation to get out of their way as he would with dodging hexes in a duel. And you're also right in that Lily wasn't thinking of good old Bernie Carmichael when she said, "you'll knock his socks off". I think you're the first person to pick up on that! Or, at least, say it in a review. :D
I'm so glad you liked the description of Sirius because that's about as detailed as you're going to get. As I've said before I don't go into much detail with that because I don't want to ruin other people's images of him. However, this does appear to have hit the spot with more than one person so that's a good thing. :)
Oh, and I have written this one from Sirius' POV. So you will eventually find out what he thought when he saw her all dolled up. Just thought I'd throw that in.
And, well, that end scene. The one that's got everyone hopping up and down. To be honest I'm gobsmacked to have got this reaction from this chapter, but then again I have been building it for a while so I guess I shouldn't have been shocked. Anyway, it's just lovely to have people liking it so much. *beams*
Oh, and can I also say that I'm stoked that you can relate so well to Laura and what she does. You're much closer in age to her than I am so I'm really really pleased that I remember those feelings at least semi-accurately. You know, how to behave around a crush and that sort of thing. So thank you!
Anyway, next chapter will be up either today or tomorrow so you will be put out of your misery then. And now all I have to do is hope to goodness that it's good enough!
thanks again, Mel
PS hope you feel better soon :) Report Review
Now, Iím finally sitting down to do this. I have a horrible memory, so Iím going to re-read it so I can review properly, but from what I remember there was a few things I needed to bring up. Iíll get to them in due course... and even though you had to do a lot of editing and motivating to get this all up and running again, itís still insanely good and know that you are amazing. If I were in your position, I would have spat the dummy. And for that... as that person said, weíre very grateful.
Anddd of course, youíre nothing but thorough. You put a Ďlast timeí in for us. That was sooo good for me since I have a bad memory. I have trouble remembering my own story.
I do love that we started out with a bit of a domestic. They are just so perfect for each other. They so donít realise it yet. Or perhaps Avery is beginning to now. I think I remember reading a particular sentence and loving it coz seemed like she was finally seeing after this long period of blindness. But I shall get to that.
I wish Avery could see that James argues with her about this stuff because obviously, she deserves the best. And I know James will eventually be the one to give her that, but until then, Iím glad he is constantly reminding her that she needs her standards set up, and if she doesnít he is going to be nagging her about it.
1.She waved to me and I waved back slyly.
I had a nice chuckle at this one. I know itís bad, but I am sort of picturing that hot guy from Glee at the moment. He does those kinds of things. I love that James is so in tune with women lol.
2.ďIf I was, would you still come in?Ē
This is another good one.
3.What did Avery see in Emerson?
Ah yes. Thank you subconscious.
4.ďIíll keep that in mind, Professor. Thanks.Ē With that, I left, thinking about asking Longbottom if he could just stick Clint Lawson in detention for the rest of his sodding life. If only. If effing only.
I wish James would start opening up to someone. He canít handle everything by himself. I really hope that this trip away with his family will make help him to be a little bit more dependable on some people. Including his dad.. with the whole listen to your dad, he knows what he is doing thing.
5.ďAre you all right, James? Youíre going through a lot lately.Ē
I love scenes like this.
6.ďYouíre as much part of my family as I am,Ē I said. ďSo pack a damn dress.Ē
And one day legally :D
And okay... that last scene. If I could, I would put the whole thing in there. I donít know if I am making premature statements here, but it seems as if Avery is finally beginning to see that she likes James more than just a friend. And the word, plethora, - amazing! That little paragraph was so good. It was like I could hear a clock ticking, but going in slow motion. Totally could see the whole thing being played out in my head.
Ohhh and this sentence: ďThe wind picked up and was now taking its toll on the water, creating ripples and blurring the mirrored forest.Ē
Was that totaly trying to draw a parallel on how the outline on their relationship is getting a bit murky? Or am I again just being a bit silly?
Ah how I loved this chapter. Very keen for the next one! Good to have you back! 10/10!Author's Response: Aww, look at the little tiny review! You're so right about James. He wants the very best for her. No one can deserve her. He wants to make sure of that.
1. James is such a ladies man.
2. He's wonderful.
3. Subconscious, AND in bed.
4. Yeah, he really does need to open up. He's getting better, I think, but not much. He'll figure it out. Hopefully soon. Harry and James have a long way to go, but it's looking up. Things can only go up, right?
5. Such a warm fuzziness.
Parallel found. Nice job! It's also a play on everything getting murky in the coming chapters. For the Quidditch team, things have to get worse before they get better.
I'm very excited to see what you think of the next chapter. I loved it--thank you so much for the review! Talk to you soon! Report Review
Okay here I am. I have been putting this off this afternoon because I have been wanting to do an extra special job for you. Now, I canít really remember if I had any expectations for this chapter that I wrote in my last review, but let me tell you, I certainly wasnít expecting this. The fact that Oliver would come back amicable, unbelievable! Well, unbelievable until I actually read it.
Oh and while I remember, I do love the chapter image. I have already told you, but it is amazing. The way his eyes are the most prominent thing and the fact that it goes extremely well with the background are all amazing attributes. One of your best, I feel. And to be honest, I never pictured him that way, but I still love it. I pictured him like Charlie from Twilight. My apologies, I know you will hate me for that haha.
I knew the umbrella would get to her. I knew that she would probably find a way to give it back if nothing happened between them. And to be honest, I was surprised Liam didnít get in contact with her. I thought for sure he would check on her. He is very like that.
I wasnít expecting for George to turn up in this one. Poor Georgie! He seems so miserable. I really donít have any clue as to what might happen with him. From our conversations it seems that they donít get back together, but then I think that you might not do that to us... and then I wonder how you will make it all okay.
But then I also realised that I should just try stop making predictions, stop worrying, and read the story whilst being patient lol.
Here are some quotes as per usual. I reckon you could probably pick out the ones I chose. I think I must be pretty predictable by now.
ďHey, you,Ē I said softly, not really sure exactly what to say. I touched his leg.
So soft a gesture. I really liked how intimate this was in a friendly way. It was just one friend looking out for the other. Making sure they were okay. You certainly get the friendships down pat dude. Loving it.
I kept my legs up on the bench for a while, thinking about him and Katie and me and Oliver and Liam, and just for shits, Roger too.
Hahahaha, I love how Roger just gets mentioned every so often. He is really one of my favourite characters, that Dodger.
ďNail-biter, Perry?Ē Oliver said
Typical Oliver getting his sarcastic remark in there... I just didnít expect he would say it at this particular point. Kudos to him for getting the courage to go up to her. [Iím just assuming there had to be a small amount of courage gain in there]
I could feel my stomach twisting. ďThatís unfortunate,Ē I managed after a while. ďBeing subjected to constant laps isnít a good time.Ē
Oo! Good one Jane! Iím glad that he didnít really take offense to this as well. He must be working on keeping the retaliating to a minimum. Is Oliver Wood really growing up for good?!
ďWhich someone else happened to get.Ē Oliver narrowed his eyes playfully. It annoyed me. ďAll in all, didnít expect you there. The wounds are still fresh from the lipgloss incident.Ē
Iím also glad that he is admitting it is a wound. Up until this point I think she has only heard through third people that he had been affected by the whole situation. Of course deep down she probably knew that already, but itís good for her to see that she wasnít the only one that was hurt/having a hard time. And Oliver seems to be taking the whole Liam thing pretty well. Again, kudos to him.
ďI wanted to know if everythingís okay.Ē
I certainly wasnít expecting that. Something has certainly changed in Oliver Wood.
ďLet me guess, sheís lovely too and you just donít want to compete for attention?Ē He surveyed me, licking the rest of the chocolate off the tip of his spoon. His brown eyes captivated me.
Yay! She is falling back into the trap and they are going to live happily ever after. And sigh, brown eyes. Makes me smile. I love you Oliver.
ďDo you want to stop by the flat for some tea?Ē
One word. Wow.
ďIím going to just have my say. Do you remember when we first got together and you made me tell you that long story about how Iíd fancied you since the mistletoe incident? Well, Iím going to talk now and youíre going to listen and when Iím done you can just leave if you want or throw something or whatever you think you need to do.Ē He was sweating.
This is probably the most needed and appropriate thing he has ever said. Iím really enjoying this more mature Oliver. I really want to get into his head and see what happened to make him this way.
ďI miss you, Jane.Ē
ďI miss you too, Oliver.Ē
As I have previously stated in several facebook status updates, Iím concerned. Iím concerned that this is just the calm before the storm. I realy donít want it to be.. and I hope that they are able to fall back into things eventually after they have talked about everything and worked it out. Wouldnít want them to rush into things too quickly and ruin it all. That would be awful. I feel like I have just been repeating myself over and over again this review. Iím so tired that Iím not really thinking about what I am typing.
Oh and I loved the transition from it being very impersonal, he calling her Perry etc etc, and then towards the end they were basically shouting their undying love for one another and called each other by their first names. Oh love.
Over 1000 words to hopefully make your day. And please everyone... number one reviewer is right here! No need to fret!
10/10!Author's Response: Okay, here I am! Finally. I got through all 100+ reviews yesterday and today I needed to catch up on and oddly enough yours was at the very end. The last one. (Well, besides the one it won't let me respond to) And so now I'm here to give you just as fab of a response as you did a review! Because you're wonderful.
Pff, there are no mentions of Twilight in my reviews, haha. Also, I have Mr. Perry wearing glasses and probably a tiny bit more worn than the picture, but you know it's impossible to find a perfect picture of someone older like him. Thanks, though. I really love this chapter image too.
As for Liam, I'm not sure he is the sort of "call a girl the next day" sort of guy. He follows man code for the most part. Or maybe he is doing something that is distracting him. Who knows?
Be patient with George :)
And shame on you! You didn't put numbers with the quotes! What am I upposed to do? I'll number them.
1. There is not enough George/Jane friendship stuff in the story. She is very close to Fred, so I figured I'd throw some George in there too. Not originally planned actually.
2. Oh, Dodger. What's he up to?
3. Definite courage after what he went through at the fundraiser.
4. Well, judging by his apartment and lack of getting defensive at certain parts, I'm going to say he's starting to learn his lesson. When he's a bit of a jerk, things happen that are negative.
5. On the surface, he is taking the Liam thing well.
6. Oliver has a learned a lesson in being alone in his dark flat for a month.
7. Happily Ever After the end!
9. I wish we could get into Oliver's head, but alas, probably never going to happen. But he does spill his thoughts a few times. He's a wreck without her.
Oh, you're always concerned haha. Though by now you know what happens in the next chapter. I think if they learn to COMMUNICATE things could be better (hence the conversation with Angelina at Katie's) and if they learn to see each other more and do things that make them happy instead of stress them out, it could really work. They need to apprecaite each other.
Thanks so much for the review! I know I'll talk to you soon! Thanks! Report Review
When I saw this at the top of my list I was like, oh good! She has fixed up her earlier chapters. Unbeknownst to me that you had in fact updated with a new chapter!?! Has it been two weeks already? I canít believe it. I was so looking forward to the new one and now Iím so keen for the next one as well. I thought we were going to get a little taste this chapter, but nope. Iím still high and dry. It just seems that more people are beginning to find out. But I will write more about that when I talk about some of the quotes I like.
At first when I opened this chapter I looked at the first couple of lines quickly and thought that the ĎSiriusí part was actually Snape!!! And I was like.. why on earth is she becoming obsessed with Snape!?!? Lol. Turns out I just got myself in a bit of a premature tizzy and all is fine now haha!
Her moods are driving me up the wall! Well, she does have a reason but it all comes down to the fact that she just doesnít even regard herself to be appealing/attractive at all. I know she has seen the same Sirius over and over again in the younger years just asking girls out and not really caring about them, but surely she has seen that he has definitely changed over the last year!? Itís craziness!
Reading her thoughts this chapter was almost sending me into my grave early! She was so on the tip of iceberg, just about to crack it, and then she would knock it all down with just not giving herself enough credit. I seriously hope that something happens at this bloody Yule Ball. Surely Sirius will come and ask her to dance for old times sake and then she will be bloody silly again and put it off to the fact that he was doing a dare or something ridiculous like that.
I wonder and wonder to myself about how she is going to find out. Who is going to tell her, or is she going to work it out herself, or is Sirius going to find the courage and let her know himself. The latter would be funny coz I can just imagine her totally not believing him and it could be a total disaster. Fingers crossed that if that does occur, then it will not end badly!
What a rambled paragraph! My apologies!
Unfortunately Sirius Ė the unwitting cause of everything Ė wasnít fooled, and had noticed that I wasnít exactly myself. Worse still, he seemed concerned enough to tackle me on the subject...
Of course he would. You would do anything for the person you have fallen hard for. That makes me so happy. Iím actually beaming right now.
I just think itís so thoughtful that even though she is kinda avoiding him, that he is still able to see that there is a problem and tackles it with her, despite her mood towards him. I wish she could see herself clearly too!
Lily just sighed and looked at Martha. ďRemember how you said once, ages ago, that when he falls for someone, heíll fall hard?Ē she asked, leaning against the door frame.
Can I just say, that you write Lily so well. Every time she speaks I get the biggest mental image of that exact scenario in my head. I canít work out why itís her though. Perhaps itís something about the description. This quote and the next two I listed were amazing! Good job man!
but Lily just looked thoughtful, pleased this was confirming her theory
She is just too smart for all of us. I seriously hope that when she confirms it with James that she starts to help them.
Lily smiled. ďI think Iíve got a fair idea,Ē she said slowly, as if to herself.
ďTheyíd discount him because of a rabbit?Ē Charlotte was incredulous and I noticed Remus looking a little uncomfortable.
Hahahahahaha! I laughed so hard at this and the next quote. They are so devious talking about it right in front of other people. Poor Remus seems a bit uncomfortable though. I canít begin to imagine how hard it would be for him. And oh my gosh, while I remember... Yay, he asked Charlotte! I wonder what brought this over. Defeated? Decided to live a little!? Trust himself? Whatever it is, I like it. Iím hope that Laura follows in Remusí footsteps and gains a little confidence too.
ďYouíd be surprised,Ē Sirius said almost ominously.
All in all, an amazing chapter. I was very excited to see the story progress even further, even though nothing has happened between the two stubborn main characters yet!
So looking forward to the next chapter. Hopefully it comes soon. And thank you for my latest review. I think I have replied?! Haha.
10/10Author's Response: Hi Erin!
I laughed out loud when you were wondering about Snape. Now that WOULD be an interesting twist! Kinda glad I'm not going that way, though - he's a bit creepy for me. But that's by the by.
Now, I will answer your question about why she hasn't seen that Sirius has changed over the past year. And the reason for that is, a year ago she barely knew him. So while he's been going through this transformation, she has just thought that this is what he's been like all along, she just didn't know it. And as that's been progressing, she's been assuming that it's because she's getting to know him better that sh'es noticing it, not that he's actually changing (though that's because they've been getting to know each other anyway). Does that make sense?
As for your speculations about the Yule Ball, well of course I'll say nothing. You'll find out soon enough.
I'm very pleased that you like the way I've written Lily. I know that she's one of your favourites so to have you say that is especially flattering. As for whether she and James will push things along, well I will say that James can't talk about it to Lily because Sirius hasn't said he can, and that would be betraying a trust. So they're a bit hamstrung. I have written that scene though so I'll load that up in the short story collection. It made me smile, in any case.
I'm also pleased that you liked the furry little problem conversation. I looked up the full moons for that year and one did actually fall on Christmas Day so this was how I thought they would deal with that.
As for Remus asking Charlotte to the ball, well I'll just say that the timing of him asking her was the most important thing at that point.
(Oh, and yes you did respond to my review, so thank you. I hope to get back to your story this week so hopefully there will be another review shortly.)
thanks again, Mel Report Review
Oh what an amazing chapter. I was bumper to bumper on the highway when I was coming home one afternoon when I decided to read this. I honestly just did not even want to have to look at the road anymore, just pull over in the break down lane and finish it. Thankfully there was lots of traffic [I donít think I have ever said that happily before] and I got to finish it in time.
Unfortunately that meant that I was unable to review straight away which is always a pain because I want to get all my thoughts out and down onto this review quickly before I forget all of the Ďheat of the momentí thoughts. Luckily I have 2 days off now to read it again and respond [New Moon came out so I worked up my hours and took two days off Ė ridiculous right? Iím such a teeny].
Anyway, Iím sure you donít want to hear anymore about that, so Iíll get straight onto the review now.
Okay I was literally cringing for the first sentence. I was like crap, whatís going to happen!? I was seriously hoping that it was all a mixup Ė which I found out eventually that it was. Thank goodness. I loved how defensive he got when Laura turned up and the girl was trying to convince him/Laura that they were in fact going out. I can just imagine how mortified he would be Ė Laura turning up in the wrong place at the wrong time, all on a fluke. And I was so mad at the Hufflepuff girl! Running her hands through his hair!?!?! Who in their sane mind would do something like that to a stranger, or someone they hardly know. Ridiculous. Girls like that are bad for our name!
I loved the line ďQuivering wreck has just caught the snitchĒ... thought it was so clever!
Remus is so kind :) He makes me so happy when I read about him. In fact, all the Marauders do that, but there is so something so refreshing about Remus. I have never been able to explain myself properly about him. But yeah, in that situation, I loved that he made a joke, and didnít immediately try to seek revenge or bad mouth her [well not horribly]. I was a little confused in that awkward moment when Remus was taking Laura to the hospital and they saw James, Sirius and Peter at the bottom of the stairs. Itís been a while since I read it, so perhaps I just skipped over something, or maybe it is because itís something I will find out later, in any case, Iím very curious. Oh yeah, I remember now .Something about someone breaking the code. I wonder which one it was. I have a feeling Iím meant to have more of a clue.
When Sirius and Laura were talking at the end of the chapter... I was getting really frustrated about how he kept trailing off and how she doubts herself. She is so adamant about the fact that Sirius could never like her. I suppose if I put myself in her shoes, I might be the same. And the mistletoe Ė I couldnít work out if he was actually trying to look for it or not. Or if he was, why is he so nervous about kissing her? I suppose he might want to try and convince her once and for all about him liking her before he starts kissing her. She might take it the wrong way.
And, the last sentence to him about what is realistic and what isnít. I was wondering if he took that the right way. I donít want Sirius to end up thinking she is the one that doesnít like him. That would be completely awful, but I also have a feeling that is going to happen too.
Wel I think they are all my thoughts for this chapter. I apologise for not doing any direct quotes like I usually do. But I put in a bit more content and thoughts so I thought it might weigh out.
Loveeellly chapter. I donít think I have read the latest chapter... Iím a bit confused coz you have deleted chapters , I think, but how exciting if you have!
10/10! I love this story, Mel!Author's Response: Hi again!
Now first of all I'd like to say that I definitely don't condone reading my story when you're supposed to be driving. A passenger, fine, but not driving, it's not a ecipe for arriving in one piece. And I love your reviews and want to keep reading your story so I definitely want you staying in one piece if I have anything to do with it. :) And no worries about the lack of quotes, it was a great review anyway. :D
Ah, that giggler. A few people worked that out, that it was a misunderstanding, but I will say that it wasn't quite so much of a fluke that Laura was there as you seem to think. Just remember the Marauder's Map! Of course, Glenys Marsh wasn't supposed to be there, so yeah, poor Sirius. He was horrified. And I wouldn't have wanted to be Glenys Marsh afterwards.
I'm glad you liked Remus there. He's a nice guy. But I'm sure you can understand that it did look suspicious, him and Laura with their arms around each other moving very slowly, and he'd cleaned the blood off her face so it wasn't obvious she'd been hurt. James and Sirius kinda got the wrong idea when they saw that, so that's what the argument was about. It's that Marauder loyalty we all love so much. :)
As for the mistletoe, well Sirius was looking for it so he knew where to avoid. I think I threw something of that sort in the early chapters when I revised them, too - him getting caught by the gigglers at Christmas time. However, he soon recognised the opportunity it afforded so he tried to make the most of it. And then, along came Peeves.
thanks again, Mel
Yay chapter 38!!!
We placed our orders and he took off towards the bar, where over my shoulder I watched him flirt unashamedly with Madam Rosmerta, the curvy publican, as he ordered the drinks.
I always find that hilarious. Of course Madam Rosmerta is gorgeous and I love that there is a bit of unsaid jealousy there. I also love the charm that Sirius has.
he insisted on footing the bill, saying almost ridiculously that if he couldnít buy drinks for some friends then he had no business having friends in the first place, and I had the feeling this was part of the strict code of honour the boys seemed to share.
Oh Sirius, what a gentleman. I really like that loyalty was a huge part of the Marauders friendship. And you have been showing that tremendously in this story, especially the last couple of chapters. It wouldnít be a Marauders story without the loyalty.
Remus, coming back to the table with the drinks, caught my eye and just grinned, his eyes flicking towards Peter. Right, I thought, that pretty much confirmed it Ė this was his usual behaviour.
Peterís behaviour kinda makes me cringe haha. And the fact that Remus smiled at her, confirming that this is what he usually does makes me cringe even more. I really see how you are building the story in relation to him. Youíre slowly beginning to show more personality traits that will eventually lead to his demise. And itís all a bit sly too. Good job man!
I gripped her arm fiercely. ďFor goodness sake keep your voice down,Ē I hissed, having noticed Remus in front of us pause ever so slightly and turn his head at her remark.
Haha! I love this! I hope Remus goes off and tells Sirius. That would be amazing. Or I hope they donít get it all mixed up and think she likes someone else. And i reaaly hope she doesnít take Maryís advice and go snog someone else. That would be awful!
Sirius leaning lazily on the wall behind the marble staircase, throwing his wand in the air and catching it with a satisfied smirk on his face. Peter, not far away, was looking at him with what could almost be described as reverence, though Remus looked more annoyed than anything else.
This was such good visual imagery. Your characterisation of the boys is great. And as I said before, you can definitely see things progressing.
Itís almost like Siriusí mind is on something else.Ē
Damn right it is!
Remus looked at me seriously. ďWith all due respect, Iíve known him for longer than you have and I think that I have a better idea of what heís going to regret in the morning than you do,Ē he said, and his voice was measured but his eyes were flashing. ďBelieve me, if I think heís going too far then I definitely will step in.Ē
Oh! I love it! I love how defensive he got! That was amazing!
As I rounded a corner on the second floor I almost walked right into the subject of these musings, who seemed to be entwined with a girl I didnít know.
Oh no! This is crap! No no no no! Sirius!!!
He had another girlfriend. And it wasnít me.
No donít apologise for the cliffhanger! Itís great! I love a bit of tension, even though I want to read the next chapter right now. Iím definitely looking forward for the coming explanation where we will learn all about why he is entwined with this unknown girl. Iím thinking that it might perhaps be something far less extravagant than we think it is. It might be a cousin or something. I think this is my hopes up high though.
Iím wondering if you will start the chapter from that point? Will you let Sirius see her and get all flustered and run after her and such. Itís exciting all these possibilities!
Haha, donít mind me, Iím being a bit of a weirdo. I am such a fan of this story though.
Wel... this story is definitely gaining huge popularity! Nearly 1000 reviews! Well done! Iím fairly sure I have asked before, but how long is it going to be? I think last tme you said you didnít know, but shall I be expecting more than 50?
Loved the chapter Mel! The tension and the progression of characters is fantastic! Youíre a brilliant writer! I also love the musings of Laura as well. I can so totally get into her head!
10/10!Author's Response: Hi again! Another brilliant review that I will try to adequately cover ...
I'm glad you liked the loyalty thing with the paying for drinks at the bar there. The code of honour I think is pretty big with them, and I've got a scene about it which I'm toying with whether or not I should include it in the next chapter. It might make it, it might not, but yeah, I think the Marauders need to have that really up front in these fics. It's such a key part of that friendship.
Ah, good old Remus. He got a bit surprised that Laura got all tetchy at him at the party and got rather defensive. I kinda liked that little speech of his. :)
As for the cliffy, well, you can of course see why that chapter needed to end there. It was such a good spot! I will of course say nothing though about your speculations, you'll have to read on.
And yeah, close to 1000 reviews. I'm flabbergasted. (Though I will say that if I'd known I was going to get this many I may not have established the policy of responding to all of them - it's rather time consuming.) To answer your question, the story will be between 55 and 60 chapters I think (or maybe between 50 and 55 if I delete any of the early ones to consolidate them). But yeah, certainly more than 50. There's still a lot to get through. :)
cheers, Mel Report Review
Wow, it has taken me such a long time to review! I said to myself that I wouldnít read your new chapter until I had reviewed this chapter first. There is no way Iím going to miss out on a review when I have come this far! You deserve every single one.
So here I am to review 2 chapters! Hopefully this first one will be good enough. Iím just so keen to get onto the next chapter! Anyway, on to my favourite quotes.
We saw very little of Lily and James over the next few days.
This makes me so happy. Iím so glad they are together.
Charlotte replaced her at my table.
Ohhh damn! Here I was, hoping that it was going to be Sirius.
And just on a side note, I really love how James is just putting up that really powerful shield charm. Iím glad he is just going about his life without retaliating. Iím glad he just wasnít putting on an act for Lily rather he changed himself, matured, for Lily. Itís totally romantic and I love James.
ďDid I hear that right?Ē he asked almost angrily. ďHeís been teaching you for over six years and he canít even get your name right?Ē
Oh Sirius. Youíre so sweet. Look at you, being all protective of her. Just ask her out already. I would so love it.
And I also like it when you described his grey eyes as Ďflashingí. It gives me the best mental image... especially which his long hair falling all over the place. Totally gorgeous.
me trying my hardest to ignore his proximity, his smell, his hand resting on my back as we made our way to the Gryffindor table.
I like how he is touching her more now. Iím not sure if it is subconscious that is doing it, but I like it. If it is deliberate on his part, I think that is so cute.
In fact, everything about Sirius draws you in. Love it.
Lily blushed a little but James took it in his stride. ďOf course it was an excuse. Weíre just using up the plans Lily had made at the start of the year to make it look like weíre doing something productive. Good thing sheís so organised, really.Ē
I think the thing that makes this sentence is the Ďtaking it in his strideí. He doesnít back down from people stirring him. He is just so glad that he is with her. I think that is so lovely. And he compliments her too. Ahhh, love.
ďJamesí orders,Ē he said almost a little smugly. ďHe doesnít want you wandering around the castle or the grounds alone after dark, which it could well be by the time youíre finished.Ē
Or rather, Siriusí orders that he made James take the credit for. I hope it was like that. It must be hard for her. She doesnít know that Sirius is probably trying to go out of his way to spend time with her, and she is such a quivering wreck that she is trying to stay out of his way.
I thought about that. ďYou might be right,Ē I said eventually. ďOkay, Iíll see what I can do.Ē
Yay! Iím looking forward to next chapter!
Now as much as I want to keep talking about the chapter, Iím desperate to read the next one...but I will definitely make up for it in 38ís review.
Loved it!Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for a simply lovely review! :D I shall try to do it justice.
Ah, I couldn't have Sirius going to Laura's table in Potions, could I? That would have been too obvious. (And besides, Leda Madley is at that table so it would have been really awkward.) As for James and the Shield Charm, well that just seemed rather like James as he is right now. Though he doesn't stop hexing Snape, he just does it when Lily's not around.
I'm glad you liked the conversation after Potions about the Slug Club, too. I thought it was a nice way of showing a shift in priorities. :) And if I happened to make him sound gorgeous in the process - well that can only be a good thing, can't it?
Oh, and yes, it was James' idea to have Laura chaperoned to and from the Quidditch pitch. It's a total set-up, of course, which is why James was a little surprised that she actually made it, but yeah, it was his idea. Of course, if it wasn't Laura then he wouldn't have bothered with a chaperone at all ...
But yes, poor Sirius is trying his hardest to get close to her and she keeps running away. It's very typical I'm afraid, but still a bit of a shame. (Says the person who wrote the damn thing ...)
thanks again, Mel
This time it was James who dropped his fork and stooped beneath the table to pick it up. I suspected he was trying not to laugh, as his shoulders were shaking so much he knocked my knees as he scrounged around trying to find the wayward utensil. Eventually he resurfaced, face a bit red, glasses askew, and wordlessly reached for more eggs. For the life of me I couldnít work out what was so funny.
I think Iím blind. I canít work out what he is laughing about either. I really love James in this scene though. He is so funny. Good old obvious James. Perhaps itís because he is focusing all his blasť self on Lily so he can get her well and truly into his charm.
Eh, iím so not making sense this review!
ďHeís too much of a gentleman,Ē Lily repeated, trying in vain to make the Gryffindor lion on her parchment change shape and replicate. ďIíve been waiting since we got back to school for him to ask me out, or even make some sort of lewd comment that I could respond to, and he hasnít done it yet. He keeps on being polite and respectful and concentrating on Head Boy duties. Iím starting to lose patience.Ē
Yes! How flipping exciting! I canít wait. Good on you James! Youíre doing well!
ďGot it in one,Ē he said, smiling again. Sirius and Remus grinned maniacally and high-fived each other with gusto.
Hahahahaha! Another great one! And also the bit where she said they were giving their tongues a work out without any words. That was brilliant as well. Hilarious. She is being a bit lewd too eh!? :D
Lily sighed, sitting down on her bed. ďAbout five seconds, actually,Ē she admitted. ďI took him to an abandoned classroom, and he looked at me with those eyes and said, ĎRight, whatís up?í, and I just kissed him. I couldnít help myself.Ē
Aw! I smiling maniacally as well now! That is so cute. And the eyes part. Oh goodness. Makes my stomach do little flips for them. I love it, I love it! And yep, James and Sirius Ė both amazing kissers. Weíll jsut have to wait to read evidence about Sirius.
She seems so happy. Iím so happy for both her and James. I just hate that they ended up dying. Ah! Why am I thinking about it again!
And we all settled down into our beds and pretended not to notice the occasional contented sigh coming from Lilyís direction.
Last quote. So cute :D
Awww totally amazing chapter. Your authors note made me smile. Iím smiling at the very thought too. Itís such a darn shame about what had to happen. But I know they would be together wherever they are. :( Iím just getting myself so depressed now. Sigh.
But yes, I love how you got them together. It was very realistic. I hate it when they get together too quickly Ė especially when they have been in a horrible relationship before. This wasnít the case with you though. Their relationship before wasnít hideous. They were generally okay with each other, so how they got together was very plausible.
I loved their conversation at breakfast. I thought that was a great insight to what the guys are thinking and they are planning to help Sirius out to get Laura. Iím sure James is going to play a big part. Even if it is all behind the scenes.
I also loved that we got to see Laura get the spotlight at one of the things she excels at. Adds to her characterisation. And you could totally tell that Sirius was loving it. Itís cute coz she has the muggle side, and rebuilds brooms and Sirius is completely pureblood and ends up building a flying motorcycle. Ahhh, itís love :D
10/10! Loved it Mel! Canít wait for more!
[ps - i saw that you had nearly 80 reviews last chapter! That is amazing! Well done!]Author's Response: Hi again! Responding to yet another mammoth entry from you ...
Right. Back to it. That scene where James was laughing underneath the table was just after Laura had said that she didn't expect anyone would want to go out with her anyway. James thought that was pretty funny.
Ah, yes, Lily. Her making the first move seems to have been a popular way for me to do that, people are liking it. :) I do admit that I've seen it in other fanfics (perhaps not on this site, I lose track sometimes of what I've read) but then again it's not all that common. It did fit the way I'd structured their characters though for this fic so I did it that way.
Oh, and my trick for James and Lily? Think about their life, not their death. They enjoyed life, I think, while it lasted. (Doesn't work for Sirius, but then again he really drew the short straw with just about everything, didn't he?)
And yeah, almost 80 reviews for that chapter! I was astonished. But then again I did ask for feedback as to how often I should update so I suspect that had something to do with it. Everyone wanted to get their two cents in. But yes, very flattering and it took simply ages to respond to them all. :)
thanks again, Mel Report Review
Okay! Here we go! After your long absence weíre both back with a vengeance! Iím still claiming to be number one reviewer out there and I still think youíre the best author out there as well. No one does foreshadowing and surprises like you do!
Iím so very keen for this chapter. As much as I want to read it, I donít want to coz Iíll probably want there to be more, more, more. I had to go back quickly and read the last bit of the chapter to catch myself up a little bit. There is no excuse for not being up to date.
And might I add, anyone who reads this and hasnít read Keep Away in its entirety, youíre being very silly. Go back and read it. Not only is it going to be a great help, itís bloody amazing too.
Anyway, Iíll end my rant and get on with the review. Whatís up first, you ask? Favourite Quotes!!! :)
1.The amount of exposed collar bone I could see was making me ill.
Now, I must admit, I am actually a fan of exposed collar bones.. but I think Iím led to the conclusion that hers is sickly. Iím sure Jane would have amazing collar bones. How Oliver dates her when he can see her bones like that, I donít really know. And when I think about Oliver I know that he would be a bit more of a Ďmore to grab, more to loveí kinda guy. Am I right lol?
2.ďBridget, stop talking to Perry. Understand sarcasm before you go up against it,Ē Oliver muttered.
Oh wow. I wasnít expecting that. Jane and Oliver are perfect for each other. How they donít really see it at the moment sure beats me. It makes me smile that he got the sarcasm, even though Iím sure it was very evident.
3.ďJaóPerry, thatís great.Ē He couldnít hide the excitement in his voice. ďDid you just meet her?Ē
Aw! I can barely stand it. That was lovely! He was happy for her! Yay! It was so short lived though, and that makes me sad.
4.I allowed Liam to spin me again. He pulled me back to him and I felt a hand on my lower back. His chest was against mine. Just as quickly Liamís lips were against mine and my breathing stopped. I went practically stiff, my knees locking and my arms finding their way around his neck.
I pulled away seconds later and my eyes darted over his shoulder.
Oliver was gone.
I had to put all of this in. I went through several stages of emotions. The first my stomach went all weird from giddiness at him being such a dish by twirling her and then kissing her. What a move! And then i was like NO what about Oliver! So i got a bit upset at that and then when she looked over to find Oliver and saw that he was gone I got fairly depressed... and now Iím wallowing in pity. Poor Oliver! Itís so upsetting coz they are clearly not over each other and at least you can tell he doesnít actually like Bridget. But then again I canít help but think Janeís reactions are fair because Liam is a complete DISH! Iím all over the place. Itís ridiculous!
5.ďTake it.Ē His brown eyes were fierce and lit, reflecting carefully off the street lamps and nearby cigarettes.
Oh Oliver, what is going through your head?
6.I thought about Oliver and how I wanted him to see the picture of my mum. It was stupid. I felt stupid.
Let it be known that there is no Liam at this point. As much as I like the bloke, Oliver has my heart. And he has Janeís too. And Jane has his.
7.I needed to go to sleep. I left Oliverís umbrella by the door.
Man you finish chapters well. It makes me happy when you finish them, whether its a cliffy or not. You always finish non clichť and its always interesting. Youíre very good.
Iím feeling oddly satisfied but still yearning for more... not to mention a little depressed at the way things are between Oliver and Jane at the moment. I canít see it going back to the good old days any time soon, and that makes me sad coz I just really want them to sort out their differences now.
I just had a little thought... perhaps they are going to have to become friends again before they go back to dating. I think that will probably be the way to go, but I think perhaps they might eventually start hanging out maybe? And Jane will get to see the differences between Oliver and Liam and realise that she only ever thinks about Oliver and his reactions and what he might say to her when she says something... or how he makes her feel when he kisses her or touches her. It will be a shame to see Liam go, but when you have Oliver there to compare, there is just no competition. As awful as they get along sometimes, you canít mess with whatís meant to be.
Iím interested to see what Roger has to say in response to Janeís owl. And Iím also interested to see what happens next with Liam and with Oliver. I imagine that even though they still Ďhate each otherí, their relationship might become a little more civil. Hell, they might even get to the point where they drink red wine and make brownies again. That would be lovely. I quite possibly might die.
This was amazing. Iím so glad to have you back. You donít understand how lost I was without you for that month and a bit.
ps - I just remembered the umbrella. PLease Jane make and excuse to give it back to him! :DAuthor's Response: Okay, Erin. I saved your response for last because I knew I needed some time to devote to it. And so here it is. Ages later when the next chapter is already in the queue. But better late than never, right? First of all, thanks for the compliments about my surprises and foreshadowing. I do love it. Thank you, creative writing courses. I have used you well. haha. I agree about the Keep Away stuff. It actually breaks my heart that people haven't read the whole thing.
1. We did already talk about this, but it was a reference to the amount of skin exposed, not the skinniness of Bridget. Though she is really slender so it makes sense either way. Oliver is sort of that type of guy, but not completely. He likes meat on the bones I think, but not too much. He likes athletic girls. (with leggies)
2. Things are bringing them closer than ever these days.
3. Better short-lived than not at all :)
4. Here's what I think about that. What do you think is really going on in Jane's head? She's happy with Liam. She's having fun. She's thinking about Oliver. She enjoyed the kiss. But did she enjoy it because it was a good, connecting kiss or did she enjoy it because of the reaction she got out of Oliver?
5. This: "Miss you."
6. Let it be known indeed.
7. I really loved that ending too! I'm so glad you included it. One of my personal favorites.
I'm not so sure you're entirely correct. Look at how many leagues they've come from breaking up and screaming to seeing each other in public and throwing things, to realizing things about each other (it was stupid), then to seeing each other with other people, and sharing things (Valerie Gig) and then suddenly helping each other (umbrella). I'm not so sure it's as far off as you think.
Interesting ideas you have there.
Brownies are in the future. Sometime in the story at least.
I'm glad you're glad I'm back. I'm here to stay (hopefully haha). Next chapter is already in the queue and I have chap 17 of BTQC ready to post when I can.
Thanks again for being my number one reviewer! I mean it when I say I wouldn't update as fast and have as many clever ideas without you. You're my Aussie muse :) Thanks so much! Can't wait to see what you think of the next one! Report Review
Getting to their Heads huh? Something about James and Lily finding out that they both Heads this year? Thought I might do a little guesswork before I start reading haha.
Iím so happy that you got TA by the way. I knew it wouldnít be long! How could they resist it, youíre brilliant and heaps trust worthy :)
Anyway, in my opinion you should just keep updating how you like. When you are ready and when you want to. Not too often coz people wonít give their feedback... and I want to make sure I keep reviewing diligently!
Onto my favourite quotes!
and James in particular I noticed looked awestruck by Lily when he saw her short dress and platform heels.
Aw James. He never fails to disappoint. I would so love for him to be in love with me like he is with Lily, but I know that can never be. And Iím weirdly content that he loves Lily like that.
ďMorning, ladies,Ē he said airily with a grin. ďUh, Lily, can I have a word please?Ē He was already in his school robes as well, which was most out of character for him, but maybe he did it to impress Lily.
Oh I knew I was looking forward to seventh year for a reason. I wonder if Sirius or someone else has been helping him out over the break. He is such a cutie. So mature and polite.
but she nodded her acquiescence and followed him to a spot about five yards away.
Just thought I would add this quote because I love the word acquiescence. Absolutely my type of thing. I sometimes just smile and nod my head at some of the words you use. Haha, Iím a weirdo, right?
and Sirius, the tallest by at least four or five inches, had obviously seen me coming over everyone elseís heads and moved over to make room for me.
Oh man, what a turn on! I like that he is heaps tall and could see her coming and was a gentleman and moved over for her. So cute. How much taller than Laura is he?
I hadnít seen him since weíd bumped into him at the Ministry back in July and was almost awestruck by his appearance - his hair was at just the right length, his eyes had a most attractive sparkle to them and I wasnít convinced that cheekbones that perfect were even legal.
His grey eyes, teamed with his hair is likely to turn any girl week at the knees... and itís at just the right length as well! I donít really know how Laura is holding herself together. Man, youíre amazing at writing Sirius in a non-cliche way. Good one!
Due to the warm weather, we both had short sleeves on so that contact meant skin on skin. I still had tingles from it. (Quivering wreck 2; Laura 0. But whoís counting?)
Lol who cares Laura. I would be rubbing up to him on purpose. Or smelling him. Thatís how much of a weirdo I am. Iím sure he wouldnít care. Take the leap, you wonít regret it. By the way, I love how you are conveying this awkward, sexual tension. Itís great. I totally feel anxious and all over the place as well.
Sirius shrugged as he sat down next to Mary, his movements almost awkward as he tried to find room for his long legs. ďThat? Oh, heís just been Stunned. No permanent damage.Ē He looked slightly disappointed by that fact.
Hahahahaha! I love how blasť he is about the whole situation and I also love that no one reprimanded him. He seems so relaxed.. but I know he is probably a little bit of a mess inside. Well I hope so anyway, that would be totally cute.
Martha was smiling. ďSo are we taking bets? How long before he jumps you? Or do you think he might even have grown up enough to not even try without getting permission first?Ē
Hahahaha! I have always liked Martha. Totally a woman I can relate too. I think I may have said that in a previous review. I think Lily might initiate something. Well I hope she does. I would love for her to finally tell him and make his day. I think James deserves to be unbelievably happy for just one day :)
Wel, I know I say it every chapter... but they are seriously [siriusly] just getting better and better. The sexual tension is building and building and I find myself yearning to see just a little bit more of Sirius every chapter. Just to read about his reactions... just to see if I can figure out a little bit better about what is going on in that elusive mind of his. He seems to be amazing at keeping his emotions hidden. I imagine that they might make themselves a little better known in the coming chapters. [Did that sentence even make sense haha!?] He will probably find it harder and harder to keep them at bay. Just as Laura will, I think. How exciting!
10/10 Mel! Amazing stuff!
erin :)Author's Response: Hi again! Another lovely review, thank you! :D
Nice bit of guesswork with the title, well done! Though I don't usually use capitals except at the start of the chapter title so that may have been a bit of a giveaway. :) As for frequency of updates, it's looking like every 5-7 days at the moment so I'll see how I go with that.
Okay. Yes, James is an absolute sweetie. I too think Lily was a lucky girl. And you're right in that he's been steeling himself for this all summer and is determined to behave right so he doesn't stuff up his chances.
And you're not weird for liking words! Like I said I too am a bit of a nerd that way. And "acquiescence" just seemed to fit in that sentence. :D
Right. Sirius. I've made him about 6'2 or thereabouts (which is about 188cm) I think in this story. We know he's tall and, according to JKR, "rather taller than Snape" (OotP) so I figured that if old Severus is about average height (5'10 or so, 178cm) then I'd give Sirius an extra 4 inches (10cm) on that. And that would also give him about 7 inches (18cm) on Laura because I think of her as also being a little taller than average (which has been hinted at already in the narrative), so 5'7 (170cm) or so. (I wasn't sure if you were familiar with imperial or metric there so thought I'd better use both!)
As far as describing him in a non-cliched way goes, well first of all thank you!, but secondly I think I've said before that everyone has their own idea of what he looks like, and I don't want to intrude on that too much. So I am being deliberately vague about specifics of his appearance like the length of his hair, for example, so people could picture that how they wanted to. But I too liked the line about the cheekbones - it just came out as I was typing and it was vague enough to mean just about anything, so it stayed. :)
The incident with Snape in the corridor I actually added quite late, but we do know that the antagonism they had towards each other stayed right throughout school (and beyond) so it seemed believable. And yeah, none of the girls were worried enough about Snape to chastise him for doing it - that does happen when you're perceived as being a greasy git, unfortunately, so he didn't have a lot of cheerleaders.
As for Sirius being a mess inside, well yes there was a bit of that. He sat down opposite her quite deliberately (as he saw it, that spot had the best view) but yeah, he did manage to project a mostly calm facade. However it did come out a bit with the hand injury - he wouldn't have been nearly so concerned about that if it had been, say, Mary.
A brilliant review! Thank you!
PS Before I forget, I actually did go back to my MTA page and do a cast list for this story like you asked for yonks ago. SO sorry it took so long! Report Review
Now first of all, before I even start reading I want to say Iím really looking forward to this one coz its like 6000 words! Yay! How exciting! Shouldnít be a detriment at all! Unfortunately this isnít going to be as huge as my other reviews, but hopefully you will let me off just this once :)
James found his voice first. ďLaura! Mary! What are you doing here?Ē
Oh yeah! And do you know what, I totally wasnít expecting it at all. I usually guess that type of thing! And also, when I read that bit about James first, it didnít even occur to me that Sirius would be with him. So it was a double whamy. Good one!
ďBoth passed, I see,Ē said Sirius, smiling as he raked his fingers through his hair distractedly. ďBut isnít that downstairs somewhere?Ē
Sirius getting a little anxious there? The ever charming, calm Sirius is feeling the heat. Well, I hope he is anyway.
Sirius was looking uncomfortable and changed the subject. ďHey, weíre about to head out for a bite to eat Ė did you want to join us?Ē
Oh poor Sirius. He just doesnít remember how to be his usual suave self when he is around Laura. He gets all embarrassed and uncomfortable! Actually its prob coz they are talking about his issue about living off someone else. I do understand his discomfort. I would feel bad after a while too.
Martha and Charlotte looked surprised and demanded more information, though through their questions I could hear Lily muttering something that sounded like, ďOf course he did.Ē
Hahah! Wow. Lily and James to figure it out first. They are the best couple ever. I donít know why anyone would diss them/think Lily could ever end up with someone else. They were totally meant to be. So perfectly in tune :D It makes me so happy to think about them. And then of course I get depressed when I think about how they died. Bloody hell. Here i go again.
Lily was looking at me shrewdly and I could almost see the cogs in her brain moving. I hoped ardently that she hadnít guessed my guilty little secret about Sirius: Lily was pretty cluey and I wasnít sure I liked the look on her face.
Deja vu. I seriously was brought back to the time when she thought James was figuring it out. As I said in the last comment, Lily and James are so meant to be and it makes me happy to see them both clued in. I bet she approaches Laura as well. :D
Ahhh yay! Nearly into seventh year! I canít wait til we get to see Sirius a far bit more. Is he going to be very involved in the coming chapters? Iím so keen to see how it all falls into place.
I also love how mature Sirius has become. Itís oddly satisfying. And is pretty alluring... him having his own place and all.
Canít wait for more. 10/10!Author's Response: Hi again! Another lovely review. And no worries if it's not as long as usual :D
Glad I surprised you with that thing at the Ministry. And yeah, Sirius was a little nervous, as well as a bit self conscious because, as Mary pointed out later, he wasn't exactly dressed to impress.
And yes, Lily's figured it out. I needed to have someone do that! As to whether she confronts Laura ... well that remains to be seen. :D
I'm saying nothing about the coming chapters but I will say that I got TA Status! Yay! So I can post the next one whenever I like and it just goes straight up there. :D So that'll be on Sunday or Monday, depending on when I get some time.
Oh, and yes, his own place is pretty alluring, isn't it? And I'm glad you think he's grown up a bit, that was definitely the intention. Though he's still a bit of a scallywag as you will see. :D
thanks again, Mel :D Report Review
Iím back! I canít believe how quick these are going up. It seriously makes me happy to have a favourite story updating regularly. I should be doing work, but I decided to read and review this instead. Even though the sexual tension is driving me positively loony, I keep neding my regular doe of Laura and Sirius.
Onto my favourite quotes.
ďShe got a bit worked up about it,Ē Remus went on, ignoring the fact that I was starting to get increasingly embarrassed, probably due more to who was sitting directly opposite me than anything else.
I tend to be feeling exactly as if Iím in Lauraís shoes lately. Itís really odd. Like before when she wasnít really his friend and she was fine to be around him, I was totally fine too. But now that she is starting to fancy him, I find myself pretty worked up too. Itís weird. Youíre an excellent writer.
Sirius cut him off. ďNo, she can be a bit of a wild one, Laura can. I caught her months ago sneaking into the common room at two in the morning after a night on the piss.Ē
Hahaha. Wow. I wonder if Sirius likes the closet wild girls?
That shut me up: I had no intention of getting Lily into trouble. Besides, I suspected James would probably find that story a bit of a turn-on (Iíd noticed that Lily breaking the rules usually got him a little bit Ė er Ė enthusiastic), and I figured that he already fancied her enough without me adding any ammunition to his fantasies.
Hahahahahaa! That is so fricken hilarious. And so spot on James. It never really occurred to me before that he would like her rule-breaking ways, but thatís totally how it would be... and I can imagine James just getting really worked up about the whole thing. Hilarious.
He turned towards Sirius. ďYou donít have anything on this afternoon, do you, Padfoot?Ē
Oh James. Conspiring? I hope so. Also, does Laura have a good poker face? Iím wondering if her frozen state was seen by them or not? I wonder if they realise that she fancies him yet or not. Hmm... after reading this chapter through Iím thinking that the other boys realise that they both have a bit of a fancy for the other and they are trying to help work up the courage maybe? Iím not sure.
And I definitely didnít know why Remus seemed to be finding the whole thing so amusing, but he definitely was Ė I could feel the bench we shared shaking a little as he tried not to laugh.
Hahaha. Oh Remus. Yeeah he must know. Remus does catch onto everything though.
ďOoh, would Lily know that game?Ē I had to smile at his enthusiasm. James even took NEWT-level Muggle Studies in an effort to learn more about the world Lily had come from.
Hahaha. I think this is so cute. I love that she is his first priority.
James laughed. ďAnd that of course is why,Ē he said with a grin. I looked at him, confused Ė what on earth did that mean?
:) And that of course is why Sirius likes you so much and has fallen for your charming and amusing ways.
Went to see McGonagall,Ē he said noncommittally, looking absently around the room.
He certainly is a man of mystery.
He hesitated, looking at me out of the corner of his eye and apparently pondering the idea. ďMy uncle died,Ē he said eventually. ďOne of the only people in my family I actually liked. And no one bothered to tell me.Ē
:( Awww Sirius! One of the things that bugs me about Sirius is that he doesnít really let people in to help him. I know Iím the pot calling the kettle black here, coz Iím like that, but I wish he would tell the boys a bit more. Iím definitely not complaining that he is letting Laura in tho! I think it is the best. Itís working for sure.
In fact, the only thing that stopped me from giving up my revision entirely and just watching them was the fact that soon enough my eyes had caught Siriusí enough times for me to realise it must have been blatantly obvious that I was checking him out, and I was sure heíd be convinced that I was just like Elvira. In fact, the only thing that stopped me from giving up my revision entirely and just watching them was the fact that soon enough my eyes had caught Siriusí enough times for me to realise it must have been blatantly obvious that I was checking him out, and I was sure heíd be convinced that I was just like Elvira.
Hahahaha. This was awesome! I literally smiled the whole time as soon as you mentioned shirts off. In the last chap of my story Sirius was without a shirt as well. So fabulous. You cannot fault the boyís abdomen at all. :D
Not much of a nitty gritty chapter, but it was a good filler. A nice way to end the 6th year with a bit of friendly half-nudity haha! Iím loving the continual/gradual friendship between Sirius and Laura. I think youíre doing an awesome job. I also think this chapter was definitely a bit more of an insight to the fact that the people around them are realising whatís going on. I think it will be hilarious come seventh year to see how the boys prod Sirius along. Iím sure James will be.
Iím looking forward to see if you are doing a summer or not. Skipping over it, or doing a bit of a catch up over summer now that they are better friends.
I realy hope she tries out for the Quidditch team for her last year. It would be great to see her and James get a bit closer and he prodding her along as well.
Oh and one -shot request :D, I would love to read about James confronting Sirius about his feelings for Laura. I donít know if it has already happened in the story or not, but it would be a good read. I would love to read about Sirius getting a little flustered.
I think they are all my thoughts and comments now. Looking forward to more of your updates. Itís fantastic now that I get a bit of warning from twitter. Gets me all jittery and anxious for it! Especially since the queue is so short as well. Gotta love it!
10/10! rinAuthor's Response: Hi again! And thanks for another sensational review! *beams*
Okay. I'm glad that I'm getting Laura's tension across because that was certainly my intention. :) She does get worked up about things.
Yes, I suspect the "bit of a wild one" impression was certainly a contributing factor in Sirius' feelings for Laura. We can't have someone like him falling for a complete goody-two-shoes now, can we? It just wouldn't be convincing. The same goes for James - I get frustrated with James/Lily stories where she's never ever had a detention, because I just can't see James finding that all that attractive. Lily breaking the rules, however, well that would be something else entirely. :D
And yes, James is definitely conspiring. He likes to help his friends out a bit. As for Remus, well he doesn't know what Laura thinks but he does have suspicions.
"That of course is why" - you put it more eloquently than I did, I was just thinking "that's why my friend likes you so much" but yeah, you got it spot on. Not that it was that much of a stretch, though, was it?
With Sirius, the way I see it is that he does open up to the boys, but he likes to get things sorted out in his head first. He could talk to Laura because - well, (a), it's Laura, but (b) he had overnight to work out what he was thinking about it all.
With the half-naked boys scene at the end, well to tell the truth I thought it might be a little cliched because that sort of thing seems to pop up in all Marauder fics, but I just couldn't resist. And besides, people seem to like it! *grins*
I agree it is a bit of filler, as are the next couple of chapters *cringes*, but there are bits dotted all through them that are important so that's how I'm justifying it. And besides, how can we finish off sixth year without a run-through of the exams?
Next chapter is called Summer Holidays - I've already told someone else that so it's not too much of a spoiler. But that's all I'm saying about what's coming up. :) As for that one-shot, well I have covered that in one that I've already written so that will have to do.
thanks again! :D
Mel Report Review
When I read that you had uploaded the next chapter in the queue, I smiled. I love knowing that you update quick and that it wonít be too long coz the queue is so short at the moment. Loves it. Good work validators.
And here are my fave quotes!
and word was that by way of rewarding him she was pressuring both Dumbledore and McGonagall to let him off a couple of detentions he had yet to serve. He had refused reimbursement for the chocolate, though we understood this was down to pride more than anything else as since heíd left his family the previous year heíd had very little gold of his own.
I heard one person telling anyone who would listen that Voldemort himself had been behind the attack and was now bound to come after James and Sirius for personal revenge for preventing his taking over the village. Instead of being worried by this suggestion, upon hearing it the boys just grinned at each other and said, ďBring it on!Ē They never were ones to shrink from a challenge.
I wonder if you count this as the first time that James defied Voldemort? Itís funny that they say bring it on, coz really... they do both come up to him in the future and it certainly aint pretty. I suppose they were born to fight though.
What I do love about this situation though, is that James go the thanks. Iím glad he did coz in so many stories he is always in the shadow of Sirius, even when it is a James/Lily story. Iím glad that you can show that James is a leader and powerful in a Sirius/OC story. It makes me happy that you have everything so well balanced.
This was pretty typical of Jamesí attitude to the whole thing. While he generally enjoyed the attention the events of Hogsmeade had inevitably given him, he did pass off as much credit as he could to Sirius, and to a lesser extent to Remus, Lily and me, and by the end of the week he was almost getting uncomfortable with how far the story had been exaggerated as it was re-told around the school.
Love James. Love love love love love him.
As he pushed the attention aside, it was becoming clearer and clearer that Lily was starting to take him much more seriously as a potential partner.
Consider it harder Lily!
He had barely even looked up from his veritaserum to cast the spells before turning back to his cauldron, though I was sure I saw his eyes dart very quickly towards Lily in the process.
Hahaha! I love him. Whoever is giving James pointers is certainly doing a good job... or perhaps itís just maturing and I say good on him! Itís winning over his woman.
Or maybe heís just growing on you, I thought, but I decided not to say that.
Hahaha! Nice one! And good on her for not dobbing on James. Iím glad she realises that they are meant to be together! :)
ďWell, yes, thatís certainly possible,Ē he agreed, ďbut if I have to have someoneís leg up against mine, Iíd rather it ÖĒ He trailed off, a rather uncomfortable expression on his face.
Oh Sirius. lol. Nearly stuffed that one up there. Lucky she is still a bit insecure about herself.
Btw Ė you wrote the Quidditch game well. Very hard to write it in an interesting way... but you certainly achieved that!
She and Mary were holding each otherís arms tightly as they watched their respective love interests dodge, defend, bash, throw and score.
Awww so cute! Ė Mainly Lily and James. Sorry. I seem to be a little biased. Haha.
I was having trouble understanding exactly what the two brothersí relationship was. Sometimes they appeared to be at constant loggerheads, exchanging vitriolic attacks and leaving no stone unturned in their efforts to outdo the other, and other times I noticed a fondness and respect there and a reluctance to hurt or offend each other. It seemed to be a constant contradiction and I wasnít quite sure which extreme it was at now.
Yeah Iím with her. Iím just as confused. I would love to get inside of Sirius Blackís head! And might I add that I bloody love Lauraís vocabulary. Which means yours. I love words haha. Iím a weirdo.
When it came to hugging Sirius, though, I noticed an awkwardness in the action, though whether it came from me or from him I couldnít have said. In any case, we seemed to hold on to each other for a little longer than necessary, trying to shake off the discomfort I was sure we both felt.
I had been half expecting Lily and James to pair up that night as well, but she obviously wasnít quite ready for that yet, though she spent a tidy spell early on watching him through her hair, thinking that no one realised what she was doing.
Hahahaha! I love that. Oh Lily you funny thing.
Oh I thought it flowed fine... but then again Iím hooked on this story so I quite possibly could love anything that you wrote.
Totally loved this chapter... mainly because of all the tension between her and Sirius. I know that itís getting closer and closer every day! Yay!
And also coz James and Lily are getting closer as well. Because Lily is finally seeing the amazing guy that he is!
Totally keen for the next one as always! :)
ps - yay! i think i got first review!Author's Response: Hello again! Yep, first review - I AM impressed :)
Okay. No, I'm not counting this as the first time James and Lily defied Voldemort because it doesn't quite gel with what JKR has said that they did while they were still at school. But I guess it could be counted ... didn't think of that! Well done! :)
As for James getting the thanks, well from all accounts of that era James was the leader with Sirius a close second-in-command, so that's how I've tried to portray it. I see there as having been a definite pecking order which was James, then Sirius, then Remus, then Peter, and I've tried to keep it that way all the way through. So yeah, even though this is a Sirius story I do think we need to give James his due.
As for Lily, well we're right at the end of sixth year now (or almost) so she's got a whole summer to consider. And that's all I'm saying about that. *evil grin*
And yes, Sirius nearly stuffed up at the Quidditch game there, didn't he? I'm glad you picked that up. And thanks for saying I kept the game interesting because they're a pain to write. I looked up a few moves though because I figured that Laura as a Quidditch fan would know all the terminology.
And wow, you like my vocab? How flattering! I'm a bit of a word nerd myself (I even have favourite words) so I guess it's coming out.
Anyway, yes they're all getting closer, so to speak, so there is movement on that score at least. :D
thanks for another simply brilliant review!
Mel Report Review
Woah that was the quickest update ever. I took advantage of it as well and uploaded my 12th chapter which I was very excited about. Anyway, Iím here to talk about you!
On the other hand, the boys who looked after you when you found out sound much more dependable. Maybe next time you should be looking closer to home for someone to bestow your affections upon?
I love her mum. I love how she talks and I love how clued in she is with the situation, even thought she is on the other side of the country, well, in another country and she knows that there might be something lurking behind the shadows with herself and Sirius. I think she would most definitely like him a lot better. How could anyone hate Sirius?
ďIím sure I heard James saying something about his furry little problem cropping up again. Which reminds me, Iím not sure Iíd want someone whoís always running around after a rabbit anyway.
It always baffles me to think that people believed the rabbit story... and that he actually had to go home to care for it. Itís hilarious. I love that James made up that cute little name too. especially when its the complete opposite to cute.
ďYou okay?Ē he asked, looking at me sharply as we fell into step again.
Oh he is so delightful. I love that he is so caring towards her. I love that he changed. That he got to know her. That he isnít like the guys were they only think about themselves. He has such a good heart.
He appeared even more uncomfortable and I got the impression he was choosing his words carefully. ďI think heís a prick for doing what he did, and I think he should have appreciated what he had. But I also think youíre better off without him.Ē He paused, as though trying to decide whether or not to continue. ďI think you deserve better.Ē
I totally loved this. I agree with him. At the very least, she deserves for someone to to treat her right. She is a great girl. Although I do only want Sirius to be the one.
As it turned out it wouldnít have mattered, because James turned around from his conversation with Lily at that moment and saw us, and Siriusí arm dropped abruptly to his side.
Hahah! Iíve actually been wondering for a couple of chapters if he has said something to Sirius yet... or he has been counselling him... or if he is trying to help him approach Laura about it. To not jump in too quickly after he break up. I hope he is.
Sirius made a noise that sounded like he had been about to laugh but then thought better of it. ďIs that whatís been bothering you?Ē he asked, pushing his hair out of his eyes as he looked down at me. ďíCause he wonít be the last person to say that. You are beautiful.Ē
Maybe it was a scoff... like he thinks she is daft for thinking of herself so shockingly. I have a feeling that he is going to be the one to change it all around. To get her self esteem up. And also, he is so nice. I love him. I love the little pushing his hair out of his eyes as well. Totally cute. I know itís little, but it helps the scene. I really like it.
It sucks that she doesnít really believe him.
He looked like he was about to say something again but checked himself, choosing instead to grab my hand and squeeze it, and dropping it straight afterwards.
So badly want to know what he was going to say.
James looked around at Lily, who hadnít moved and had a determined look in her eyes. ďLily, please,Ē he said softly, almost pleadingly. ďWe want you to be safe.Ē I looked at her, wondering if she realised it was probably the first time heíd called her by her first name.
I totally loved this. I love that he was pleading with her to stay away. I can just imagine how he was when she was pregnant with Harry and wanted to keep fighting. He would have been so adamant about her staying home and safe.
I hope Lily realised that he called her by her first name. Totally cute. The Ďsoftlyí bit i loved as well.
They waited until the army of Dementors were less than fifty yards away, and then suddenly their wands moved in unison as they bellowed ďExpecto patronum!Ē A silvery stag and a huge dog erupted from their wands, charging down the approaching army and scattering the first onslaught.
Itís great to see how close they are, that they are practically brothers.
I want to know what they are thinking about though to cast such fantastic patronuses.
So I couldnít understand just why James was still looking so worried.
That interested me also. Worried still for the safety of them, for Lily?
ďIím pretty sure he can take care of himself,Ē Remus reassured her. ďMcGonagall wouldnít have taken him if she didnít think so.Ē She looked unconvinced and started shaking uncontrollably.
Definitely a good way to get James as head boy!!! I really liked it! I also hope that this little situation gets them together, and if not together, then closer. So they can become good friends and be on a first name basis.
ďDonít worry,Ē he said quietly, putting an arm around me. ďTheyíre all gone now. Itís over.Ē I nodded vaguely, still finishing my chocolate, as we watched Remus march across the street to where a number of dazed teenagers were slowly emerging from the safety of the Three Broomsticks.
Ever the protector. I like that the boys have taken on a brotherly role. Itís at a good point coz it doesnít feel too family like. Just the right amount of worry. I hope that makes sense. In fact, I hope this review makes sense. I just had so many quote and needed to get them all out to show you what I liked. Itís bit all over the shop.
I so enjoyed this chapter. I couldnít stop reading. I was enthralled. Iím really liking the gradual build up of relationships between all the characters. It is flowing nicely. I would love someone to get together, btu I know it will all happen in due course.
10/10Author's Response: Hi again!
Ah, yes, mums always know, don't they? And I didn't see any reason why Laura's mum should be any different, even though she's several hundred miles away. *grins*
Hmm, furry little problem. I think I mentioned earlier that everyone had thought it strange to start with that Remus had to go home for the rabbit, but after a few years no one paid any attention any more. When you're used to something you stop questioning it, I think.
As for Sirius, well I did like that little conversation with Laura. And you have something spot on in that he's trying to avoid being the rebound, which was why he was watching his words so carefully there.
With the Dementors, well yes, James was terrified that something would happen to Lily. And I'm glad you thought it was a believable way for him to get the HB job because that was definitely what I was aiming for. As for how Lily reacts, well you'll see more of that in the next chapter. Which should be uploaded sometime this week I think.
Thanks again! :D
Mel Report Review
Iím so behind!! I have been so busy lately and I have hardly been home to read, let alone review, but itís the weekend now and I can finally spend some time reviewing! [I donít like being in debt Ė in reviews haha]
Fortunately the other sixth-year Gryffindors had taken my side and provided a protective barrier between us.
Oh I love them. Protective and loyal Gryffindors. They are the best. Of course I couldnít see why they wouldnít take her side. I would be angry if they didnít!
Remus was slow to anger but when he did it could be terrifying, something Bertram was just discovering.
Ohhh man. That would freak the heck out of me as well. I know Remus is soft and lovely most of the time, but itís true, he would be terrifying when angry. Something about the wolf in him I believe.
Siriusí wand still trained on him. Whatever spell he was being held with was obviously a powerful one.
Love that. I love it when I get to hear that Sirius is powerful.
ďNo,Ē agreed Lily. ďItís almost like someone else has been in here.Ē
Pleasseee be the Marauders.
ďDear Lily, Laura, Charlotte, Mary, and Martha. Thanks so much for allowing us to have a look at your dorm. We found it so much more interesting than ours is! Sincerely, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter.Ē
Hahahah! Yes! I love that they were there. That made my day. That sounds like such a Sirius way of putting it as well. :)
ĒHang on,Ē Mary said suddenly, a broad smile on her face. ďJames was ií here? Lily, hae ye checked tí make sure yeíve still goí all yer underwear?Ē
Hahahaha! Oh James would never do that. Especially now that he has matured a little.
ďWhat about Lily Potter?Ē
Oh that name makes my heart swell. And Iím glad she secretly thinks so as well. And Iím also glad it eventually turned out that too. There is nothing that makes me more happy than them getting together. And then it sucks coz I think about how they die and Sirius is left by himself coz Remus thinks he actually betrayed them. How awful to spend all those years in Azkaban. Sigh. I shouldnít think about it...
a new name came into my head. Laura Black. And it sounded good.
You bet it does.
That does sounds good. :) I know you are keeping this story to canon, but are you keeping the story to canon in relation to Sirius? Does he still go to Azkaban? And what happens to Laura? Or is that something you donít wish to tell until after you finish the story? And are you going to write about? I hope not coz I get so depressed.
ďI think Iíve got a crush on Sirius.Ē
Yes. She finally admitted it.
ďThanks,Ē I said with a smile. ďAnd with any luck Iíll just snap out of it like you did with James. It shouldnít take me too long to come to my senses, should it?Ē
I hope Sirius is standing right there. Or James. James would be good since he knows that Sirius likes her too. Sigh. That would be amazing.
Faaanntastic chapter. We finally got some of the denial out of the way. Iím glad it finally occurred to her. I just wish I could get into Siriusí head so badly! He is driving me crazy! :)
10/10Author's Response: Hello! Yet another lovely review! I feel so guilty for not having time to get back to your story but I am hopelessly behind on my reading at the moment and it's taking me a while to catch up.
Anyway. Thanks for reviewing! :D Yes I thought the wolf in Remus would be a contributing factor in how angry he could get, it did seem to fit. And don't you think he just seems the type to absolutely blow his top when he does lose it?
And yes, the boys made it inside their dorm. They did threaten to, didn't they? :D
I'm glad you liked the conversation about names. It seemed to me something pretty normal for a bunch of 17 year olds. And yeah, I like the sound of Laura Black too. *grins*
Oh, since you asked, yes Sirius does still go to Azkaban. The idea of this fic is that it can be something that fills in the blanks for the canon that we do have. So yes, I couldn't exactly change that, could I? As for how it all pans out, well my lips are sealed. Sorry!
Anyway thanks again for the review! Your reviews always make me smile.
cheers, Mel Report Review
Okay again! I think I smiled to myself for five minutes when I checked up on updated stories on HPFF on my phone yesterday and saw that you had again amazed us all by the quick update! One long sentence that doesnít really make much sense, but you understand what I mean, right? :)
The queue must be really short at the moment? I keep forgetting to check it every time I go on, but is it something like three days? Thatís amazing. Good on you validators.
You are very good to us by uploading the next chapter so soon Ė especially coz it was a cliff hanger and all. I get so excited when I know itís a cliff hanger and I click on the next chapter and get to read the very first line. Totally didnít disappoint either.
Shirt half off, belt undone and trousers open, and her robes pulled up around her thighs.
Oh what a complete loser. It is one thing to be kissing the stupid claw, but to be fooling around as well... not on! Total idiot. Iím impressed with her as well. I would have got my wand out straight away and started firing hexes at his head. I suppose she didnít see it coming at all though... so she was shocked and all... but still, good job Laura.
ďLaura! Itís not what it looks like! I can explain!Ē He sounded panicked, fumbling as he tried to do his trousers back up.
That response makes me so angry. I hate it when people say that. There is absolutely not possible way to explain that and the other person to expect it. Itís good that everyone gets to hate him properly now.
Good with the canon bit too! I didnít even remember that in HBP Ė that James blew up his head. Youíre totally tying everything together so well.
My eyes were dry but I wasnít sure how long theyíd remain that way
I was surprised that she was like that too. I like her.
he grinned, dropping his arm from my shoulder and taking my hand instead.
That was sooo cute. I loved this.
He watched me in silence for a while, distractedly raking his fingers through his hair.
I just so want to know what is going through Sirius Blackís head right now. He is such a mystery to me.
Finally he reached into his robes and pulled out a blank piece of parchment and, unfolding it, laid it on the nearest desk and tapped it lightly with his wand
Woah! He is telling her one of the Marauder secrets!?!?!?! Thatís craziness! He obviously trusts her heaps. But then again, I suppose he had to explain himself somehow.
And he did look somewhat distracted, eyes glazed over a little, though I couldnít for the life of me think why that might be the case.
Yeah Iím confused. I wish I knew what he was thinking.
Sirius waved a hand impatiently. ďYeah, yeah, he has an Invisibility Cloak.
Hahaha. So blasť. So two year ago.
ďOutside Dumbledoreís office, by the looks of things,Ē he said.
Hahaha. Thatsí hilarious. Good on James. I love that will do things for their friends even though they will get into trouble. + this next quote. Itís so nice. He even gets defensive about it. Aw so cute.
He raised his eyebrows. ďSo? Weíll cop that. It was worth it.Ē I looked at him quizzically. ďLook, Laura, itís not like weíve never done detentions before,Ē he said defensively, pushing his hair out of his eyes. ďIt will probably even be fun, if they donít split us up again. And he deserved it, he should never have done that to you in the first place.Ē
ďJames, thaí is. Filch foond him ootside Dumbledoreís office tryiní tí dump Bertram.Ē
The more appropriate place to put him bit was hilarious. I laughed so hard.
Lily looked at me sternly. ďDonít you ever think this is your fault because of that,Ē she said almost severely.
See her and James are perfect together. So loyal to their friends. Always sticking up for them, supporting them, telling them when they are being silly coz they know they are worth more than that.
And then, out of the blue and surprising me by how reassuring it felt, it occurred to me that Iíd just spent the best part of an hour and a half holding hands with Sirius Black.
Yay she realised! Now itís starting to tick over in her head. Not long now... well... quite a significant amount of time Ė but still, weíre getting there! :)
Awesome chapter. I was so happy to be relieved of my cliff hanger state.
Canít wait for the next chapter. I read in a review response that it was going to be a little bit longer on this next one... but thatís alright! Worth the wait.
10/10Author's Response: Hi again! Another lovely review! And apologies for the amount of time it's taken me to get to responding to it ...
Yes, the queue is very short right now. In fact I just checked and it's only 1 day. So I"m hopeful that when I do get a chance to put the next chapter up (hopefully today or tomorrow) it won't be long before it's validated.
Yes, she was shocked. Hence not pulling her wand out. She had no idea it was coming so she just kinda froze, then dumped him and walked away. I wanted to give her a bit of dignity here.
I can tell you that this scene from Sirius POV is one of the one-shots that I have written, so you will eventually find out what's going through his head. Though with that bit where his eyes were glazed over, well just read over it again and picture it and you might be able to work out what he was thinking. Your hint is that it's not nearly as noble as you might wish.
I liked where James dumped Bertram too. He did say "somewhere prominent" so that seemed a good spot. And yeah, Lily and James do make a good couple, don't they? I love that pairing. :D
Anyway I'm very pleased to have relieved you of any cliffy-inspired tension, and since this chapter didn't end with a cliffy hopefully you can wait until my very hectic life subsides a little and I can load up the next one :)
thanks again for another brilliant review!
Mel Report Review
You have got to be kidding me!!! How the heck are your chapters coming out so quickly!?!? Iím so impressed! You must be quite happy? Or no so much?
Either way itís made me a very happy person!
all I wanted was to go in, grab a couple of books for that Herbology assignment
Maybe she can tutor Sirius? Yeah that would be excellent.
he looked at his watch Ė ďthree quarters an hour?Ē
I never imagined Sirius to be one who used a watch.. but I can totally see it on him now. Just a bit of a random thought :)
ĒWhat, the smooth-as-a-babyís-bum look doesnít appeal to you?Ē he asked with a grin.
Well this has certainly got me wondering about what is behind that shirt he is wearing! Perhaps she should have taken the tux off all those chapters ago! Iím starting to regret my initial response!
Sirius stopped laughing for a second and looked sharply at me,
Well thatís all a bit mysterious. I know that he knows about silly Bertram, but Iím quite sure what he is trying to say here. Itís very late at night, so Iím not quite on the ball. I would have thought Laura looked a bit more into it though. I suppose itís only a matter of time until she found out.
And I waved cheerfully as I crossed the common room and set myself up next to Lily and Mary, only vaguely aware that he just stood there for a while looking thoughtful before disappearing up the boysí stairs.
Insert one-shot here. I reckon that would be a great one. That might have been the catalyst to him figuring out the fact that he likes her. Now, Iíll agree with you, I know he doesnít love her... I have just been over exaggerating in the last couple of reviews coz Iím mad keen for them to get together. Just ignore me when I say it Ė I really mean I hope one of them realises they are a bit keen for the other and decided to do something to stop the sexual tension.
Anyway Ė yes... one shot right there. Siriusí thoughts from that point on. Am I on the mark for the time he figures it out? Perhaps you can tell me at the end of the story when you arenít giving anything away... or even Sirius might tell her when they get together Ė when he fell for her. I would die reading that. That would be absolutely amazing.
in a vain effort to locate my Charms textbook.
Is it with Sirius? Did their books get mixed up yesterday when they bumped into each other? Or perhaps it is with Bertram Ė she goes and tries to find it from him and then she sees him cheating on her? Two possibilities. I could be far off the mark but I just thought I would voice them before I continued reading.
ĒShe is almost perfect, isnít she,Ē said James quietly as if to himself, a dreamy look coming to his face as he obviously thought about Lily. He snapped out of it at a growled ďProngs!Ē from Sirius and went on.
I like this for two reasons. One, coz freaken James is amazing and yes, he is still totally doing it for me. Your characterisation is spot on :)
And secondly coz Sirius growls. Oh what I would give to hear that.
ďHas she ever said anything about you?Ē
Put this with the fact that he was Ďfrowningí and you can almost see that his brain is ticking over into Laura mode. Well, I hope so anyway :)
Sirius frowned again. ďBut thatís not right, youíre just as good as they are.Ē He sounded eerily like Remus had a year or so earlier.
He forgets that he himself didnít even notice them that time last year either when Remus was just starting to. Itís all a bit of a shame. Iím glad they are realising that they are just as worth it, they should be able to get rumours about them [as ridiculous as that sounds].
it had turned up, torn and a little crumpled around the corners and generally looking the worse for wear, wedged between my bed and the wall and hidden behind a jumble of shoes and other oddments
Huh. Thatís weird. Perhaps Sirius delivered it back up there in his dog form?
James and Remus appeared from nowhere, James raising an eyebrow at Sirius who promptly let go of my hand.
Invisibility cloak? And is James catching on to it quicker than Sirius is? :D
Sirius looked at me and said again, very quietly, ďI am so sorry.Ē I was about to say something but James held up a finger to keep me quiet and let me catch my breath before grabbing the tapestry and tapping it with his wand. It immediately came crashing to the floor, revealing yet another secret passageway and, at its entrance, a couple locked in a tight embrace. Their surprised faces turned towards us and revealed a seventh-year Ravenclaw girl and Ė Bertram
Idiot. I wanted to use some more choice words, but Iím being careful at the moment to watch what I say haha. But seriously, I knew it was coming, but it still makes me rotten mad. The guy is a complete loser! I canít believe he put up that fake, happy front to her, like nothing was wrong. Itís so frustrating. No wonder Sirius was so angry. Even if he didnít like her [well just about to like her], anyone with a conscience would know that was definitely crossing the line. What a completely horrible thing to do. Iím so glad they got her and made her see it, as opposed to just telling her.
I like that he apologised to her softly before. I thought that was really sweet.
Oh and oh my goodness! Finally a full blown cliffhanger! All these chapters I have been dying for on, but I completely did not expect to be this disgruntled by it! I think itís coz itís at such a crucial point and youíre a fantastic writer so I was feeling all of Lauraís confusion and Siriusí tension. That was a good scene. I wasnít expecting it to happen like that.
Iím so looking forward to the next one! Hopefully you donít mind me putting my two cents in where the one shots should go. Ignore me mostly. Iím just giving my opinion. I know you have already written them. I just get far too into it sometimes and need to be reprimanded occasionally haha!
10/10 erinAuthor's Response: Hi Erin! Thanks for yet another awesome review, it just makes my day to read these. :)
Okay. You can request all the one shots you like. They may or may not get written but it is interesting to see what other people want to see in writing. :)
Now, to get to this review bit by bit ... Like I said the whole thing is written so as soon as one chapter is validated I load up the next one. It's all dependent on the length of the queue. :)
You can wonder all you like what was under that tux. I don't actually go into much detail with that sort of thing in the narrative because everyone has their own idea of what Sirius should look like and I don't want to ruin that. So wonder away. *evil grin*
And I hate to break it to you but there's nothing to be learned from the Charms textbook. She just lost it. She's not always the tidiest of people and it got jumbled with her other junk under the bed. Sorry!
"Has she ever said anything about you?" Nice pickup. You is a great word to use in the English language because it can be singular or plural. In this case Laura interpreted it as plural when it was intended to be singular. :)
And yes, invisibility cloak. Though James isn't more clued in than Sirius is ... he's worked it out for himself by now.
Ah, Bertram. Yes, not the world's brightest spark I'm afraid. And perfectly happy to pretend nothing was going on, thinking he'd be able to get away with it because Laura's so trusting. But I had to break them up somehow didn't I?
Sorry about the cliffy. But you did ask for one! But like I said the next chapter is already in the queue so you wont' have too long to wait.
Thanks again for yet another brilliant review!
Mel Report Review
I like your characterisation of Sirius. I like how light hearted he is. Itís nice to have some comic relief in a time that is so dark. It seems like he just isnít brought down by it Ė and Iím sure that was probably what he was like, always trying to lighten the mood when he could so people could get some relief from the hell they were living in. Iím sure underneath he is probably just as scared as everyone else.
There is a bit of a fine line though with Sirius Ė there has to be a point where he gets his by the mania as well. As I havenít read the rest of your story, I donít know if you have included a situation like that, but it would be good to show that even the people that donít take life too seriously, will be affected by the trauma sometimes.
Iím glad you have highlighted the issues that Remus would have had trying to get a job. I think most people just flutter past it, but Iím sure he would have been quite upset and hated himself for not being able to be a normal person.
I was quite interested that you have made James a healer and Lily a housewife. I have personally never encountered that before. I think that is also a good change :) I like originality.
I also like that they are storing their memories. It also seems like a good idea for them to do. I like that they get to bond over it. Obviously they are going to die, so itís a nice way for the audience to see the good times, you know?
The relationship between Lily and James is nice. Itís cute that he is so infatuated by her, but it seems that she doesnít love him enough. I would like to see something come from her where she has a moment appreciating what he does for her, or how he makes her feel. I think that could definitely balance it out a little more.
I really liked the last sentence of the chapter. I thought it was a good way to end :) It left it on a bit of a sober note, but I liked how the atmosphere coincided with the dreary weather. Nice!Author's Response: I'm glad you think I wrote Sirius well because he is quite fun to write, being light hearted and all. I also wanted to highlight the issues that Remus had because I'm sure it wasn't such a piece of cake.
Lily's and James' jobs were only chosen at the last minute. I first thought of them both as Aurors but changed my mind. I will also try to make Lily seem to love James too; I admit I wrote this rather hurriedly but don't worry, I'll edit.
I'm glad you liked the last sentence. I just thought to myself, 'What do you do when it rains?' and then I answered myself, 'Duh, close the windows.' So I thought it fit rather nicely too.
Thanks for reviewing; I really appreciate it! :) Report Review
To start off with, I really like your chapter image! I read a lot of James and Lily stories, but I donít think I have seen any with those people in it! I think the James looks exactly like I imagine him, but with glasses as well. But yes, I definitely think it goes with the tone of your story.
ďHey, Iíve been thinking.Ē Lily started saying, trying to shift the attention away from Peter.
I like that she tries to shift away. Great characterisation. It says lots about her. I think she must have always had a soft spot for Peter and thatís why she and James used him in the end. JKR says that she was an uncommonly kind woman, and Iím glad that is kind of conveyed here.
Then they went back to Sirius' apartment.
At the beginning it was situated in Remusí apartment Ė well I think so anyway. Perhaps I misread something, but I thought I would mention it anyway.
I liked their friendship. Apart from Peter, it just seemed really effortless. They just seemed to play off of each other, and I think that is definitely an important thing when writing Marauder fics, especially when you are writing the guys. There is something so special about the way they interact with each other Ė and I think you have started to capture it in the first chapter.
It was a little choppy for my taste, but Iím a bit more flowy, if that makes sense? However, it wasnít too bad. I can see how it worked for your story.
I might suggest you work on Peter. I understand that you are trying to make him suspicious, but they are pretty smart guys Ė I donít think they would be fooled easily by some mis-said words and such. But again, perhaps that is also my taste.
Good chap. Original plot line, and some funny moments! :)Author's Response: Hey! I'm glad you like the chapter image; I picked out the people and it was made by dare4distance from TDA. She's really good. Anyway, Lily was always a nice and kind woman in my mind so I made her that way because it fit her best.
I didn't notice that slight mistake about the apartments so I'll be sure to edit that. Marauder fics are fun to write and I'll also try to make the story flow better, work on Peter, and continue writing.
Thanks for reviewing; I really appreciate it! :) Report Review
First of all, I really love your banner. I think it fits perfectly with your summary. It also draws me in. If I saw it in the list, I would definitely click on it. The text I especially love. Oh and your summary also is fantastic! Itís hard to come up with summaries, but that is fantastic!
Iím not usually one to read Molly (II) stories, but as I said, Iím looking to open my eyes a bit in the world of Harry Potter fan fiction.
Now, onto the actual story!
Now, I know Iím only first sentence in, but I had to highlight this part:
I have to say, when it comes to James [all James included Ė first and second generations], Iím fairly keen to read anything to do with him! And so Iím pretty excited that this might have stuff to do with the rest of the family.
Iím also hoping that you can change my opinion of Molly Weasley.. coz I know we have all read Delicate/Still Delicate and letís face it, she isnít a very nice person. I have a feeling that this will be the story to change me completely! :)
I know itís a little crude, but I love a good olí swear. It makes me giggle, so the choice words you have used in this chapter are quite amusing.
"Don't yell obscenities in my hallway, please."
Hahaha! Iím like the sound of Molly. And Iím glad that Dom has [well it seems like] a good relationship with Molly. I get annoyed when her and Lily are ostracised from the rest of the family because they are Percyís daughters.
Dominique had made her fortune by writing smutty romance novels
Dominique sounds like my type of person. Iím into those smutty romance novels a well.
So far I do like your characterisation of Dom. I know a lot of the time she is characterised as being vivacious, beautiful and a bit of a potty mouth, but your Dom seems to be a little different. I canít quite place my finger on it just yet, but I will let you know.
Iím glad she is picking up Mollyís pieces. And Iím also very impressed that she is sorting out that apartment. Iím always quite happy with people that like a bit of organisation.
"Rosie? I'll tell her that she can't bring that idiot bloke of hers Ė that bastard, Malfoy.
I hope that she is talking about Scorpius. Well, who else is there really? I am glad that Rose is with him though! Iím glad you are keeping it a bit clichť... as you know, Iím very keen on the clichť! :)
[You should know that I review as Iím reading, so now that I have moved on, I have read that is actually Scorp].
"Yes, yes," She shrugged. "Teddy sends his love."
Again, Iím very glad you kept it with the swing of things. True to canon! :D
"Who wants his love?" Dom retorted, "Disgusting Ė sending his love while his wife leaves on a hen's night."
Yep, I love her. I think she is fantastic! Itís these types of comments that will definitely keep me reeled in.
"Honestly," Dom chattered from the driver's seat. "I was surprised that any sperm of Teddy's would be able to impregnate you."
I do love this, however, from recent experiences, I have heard that in the ToS it apparently states that you arenít allowed to refer to any bodily fluids. I donít know if you are a TA or not, but if you arenít, sometimes the validators miss things. So perhaps you should ask, or perhaps change it so you donít get in trouble.
Hopefully you donít mind me suggesting that.
Itís interesting that Lily is the annoying cousin in this story. As I have said earlier, itís not often that Lily is the cast-off. Itís an interesting change. Iím looking forward to find out why.
I find myself very angry with Spencer. Almost to the point where I would like a full blown prequel haha! He seems mysterious at the moment, since I donít know much about him. The way you have described him is very appealing as well Ė the whole scar, crinkly smile and such. Itís a shame he screwed her over. I hate that she is depressed. It makes me upset.
Though, Molly supposed they weren't as gooey as Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny. Albus had told her many times that they had been caught doing more than holding hands underneath the dining tableÖ
Hahahaha! I canít wait to hear a bit more about Albus as well.
I do quite like this story so far! I know that itís only first chapter, but your worries seem not needed! The story flows very well and your characterisation is amazing!
I think I would need another couple of chapters to fully comment on Molly as a character. I would like to find out a bit more of the back story... but so far, I really enjoyed reading about her. Itís a shame that she has all this upset. I donít know how it feels to lose love, but I can sympathise with her, for sure!
I couldnít see any spelling mistakes from what I read.
Great story! You have definitely changed my opinion over that side of the family! Itís good to read some originality as well! :)
erinAuthor's Response: Argh, I had an entire response typed out, but then it was too long - so I had to go edit it and then I clicked 'cancel' instead of preview. I fail at life, but yes! This review absolutely flabbergasted me! (isn't that a lovely word?)
Anyways, onto an unfortunately shorter response than what I had before @_@.
I'm so glad that you like Molly and I know what you mean with the Delicate/Still Delicate. She wrote Molly so nastily that I couldn't help but become a little sad - you can say that I wrote Percy's children differently because I see Percy and Audrey differently. I imagine Percy to be changed, especially after witnessing the death of his brother, Fred.
Dom and Molly definitely have a great relationship. They're foils of each other, so they compliment each other well (in my opinion, anyway :P). Dom has this weird, obsessive habit of being a neatfreak. She hates clutter and mess; Victoire is like this too :P.
I'm glad you like Dom! She's a very bold character and even though she's quite unfeeling sometimes, she still loves her family a lot. I just see her a smutty romance novelist - not only does it tie into the plot later, it's just amusing to me..hehe.
Yes! I did stick with some mainstream cliche Next-Gen relationships! But, I changed the characterizations of all the characters. I love Victoire/Teddy and Rosie/Scorpius - & oh my gosh, you are SO right about the tos thing. Strangely enough, it's gone through validation twice (original version - validated; edited some punctuation - validated) and was accepted both times. I suppose it's going through a third time, seeing as though I just changed it! Thank you so much for pointing it out ^_^!
I wrote Spencer as being someone who is extremely good looking, a seemingly 'good' guy that ends up being a jerk. Or so it seems? I dunno, we'll see more of it later ;) *evil laughter*. Though, I'm really sorry for upsetting you :( Molly tends to overreact emotionally, sometimes.
Oh, geez. Again, THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU! You were far too kind with this story! I'm so glad that I've managed to change SOMEONE's opinion on Percy's family! I'm definitely flushing out Molly's character some more within the entire story - I don't know if that's too slow, or what, but I think that we can't actually gasp how she is until the very end :P Again, thank you so much ♥ Report Review
Iíd found someone who thought I was beautiful and was treating me like a queen, and what more could any girl want?
Mary, Lily, Martha and Charlotte had gotten together and bought me a selection of lacy lingerie, which they insinuated would be useful in the coming months with Bertram.
Stuff Bertram! Use it on Sirius instead! Hahahah, hilarious! I bet Martha would have been at the root of that evil though lol.
It contained a small box, which contained a golden clasp, elegantly engraved with daffodils.
AW SIRIUS! Lol! This is amazing! He saw he picking those daffodils before and remembered! That is so delightful. My heart is just about to burst! I love it! He is the best.
with a strange symbol below that I didnít recognise.
Black family emblem maybe? Or perhaps Sirius made up for himself? Either way, i love it. I think it is adorable.
ďWaiting for James,Ē he said. ďWe had separate detentions tonight and heís not back from his yet. Penrose can keep you pretty late sometimes.Ē
I bet James wasnít even in detention. I reckon he was waiting up for her because he is in love with her. Hahahah. Iím pathetic, arenít I?
Oh and I canít believe they didnít know they called themselves the Marauders yet! That was a brilliant idea!
Aw damn, I only have one chapter left until Iím up to date! Then Iím going to be waiting like everyone else!
Have you got TA status yet?
10/10!Author's Response: Hi again!
No, I do not have TA status. I have to wait on the queue like everyone else. And the next chapter should be up hopefully sometime early to mid next week. Sorry!!
Okay. You're spot on, Martha was at the root of the lingerie idea, though Mary was a very willing co-conspiritor. I did like it though.
And yes, cliche secret gift time. You've picked up on a couple of things that no one else did but that's all I'm saying about that. I can't have too many of my plot points let out too soon can I?
And I'm sorry to disappoint you but James WAS on detention and Sirius WAS waiting for him. He had forgotten it was Laura's birthday (that "Oh, right, that was today" was quite genuine) but I think he was glad he saw her. And he thought her being drunk was hilarious, as I'm sure you gathered.
Thanks for the feedback on the Marauder idea. I'd just never heard them called that until I found fanfic and so I thought it probably wasn't a widely-known thing. If they called themselves that at all - the Map may have just been christened that as an aid to marauders of Hogwarts. So I thought I'd throw that in. :D
Thanks for another fantastic review! My head is expanding as I type. *goes off to get it back to its proper size*
cheers, Mel Report Review
The following Monday was Valentines Day, and Bertram surprised me at breakfast with a bouquet of roses and a box of Honeydukesí finest.
Hahaha. Oh Bertram. How cute. But Iím sure Sirius could plan something far better than that. I think Iím a little biased though.
James was gazing at Lily, pretending not to notice that the necklace he had sent her still lay unwanted on the table where she had tossed it aside that morning.
Aw James! Thatís so sad. Heartless Lily needs to get the hell away and nice, Ďi love you too Jamesí Lily needs to make an appearance.
had a decidedly sour look on his face and was scowling at the roast beef when Bertram and I sat down. Remus was concentrating steadfastly on the shepherdís pie on his plate, which made me suspect he did know about Charlotte and was trying to pretend he didnít.
One, why is Sirius looking so sour? I didnít think he had realised yet that he liked her. Or perhaps he is jsut put out coz someone is showing some interest?
And Remus. Oh Remus. Why! He doesnít need to push her away because what he is. No need at all. I know he doesnít ever get over it, so I should stop wishing it would.
Just as I think of it... him and Sirius would be related in the end... since he married Tonks. Cool! :)
ďI swear, heís driving me crazy,Ē she said hotly. ďHeís been in a foul mood for days, and Iíve got no idea what Iíve done to make him like this.
Oh yay! It is because of Lauraís new found love. Hooray.
Martha shot me a wicked grin. ďYou never know, maybe Bertram likes them kinky.Ē
Hahahahaha! Nice one Martha!
ďYouíre probably not, but you looked it sometimes,Ē he explained. ďProbably something to do with those high cheekbones. You look almost regal.Ē
Hahahaha! Oh Bertram. What are we going to do with you!? But itís cute that he has so much interest in her.
ďIf we could just stop here for a bit,Ē he whispered to me, his mouth going from my ear to brush over my jawbone before kissing my neck. I got tingles all over and pulled him closer, losing myself in the moment.
This is pretty good... but I keep wanting it to be Sirius! Look at me, Iím bloody harping on about Sirius every review now! Iím such a girl! My apologies for my constant whining. Just ignore me.
ďAt this point,Ē Martha said loftily, ďIím thinking that any bloke whoís halfway decent looking, is taller than me, and is mature enough not to refer to me as ĎMartha Hornyí, will fit the bill.Ē
Love it! Hahahah. And that fits my standard as well. Definitely the taller bit. Thatís first on my list. Iím a bit judgemental I think.
I wonder how long it will take Sirius to figure it out? Iím cery curious!Author's Response: Another lovely review! I just couldn't resist logging back on to see if you were still reading ... *shakes head*
Ah, Bertram. He's kinda sweet, isn't he? And just what Laura needs right now. But enough of that. You're dead right with the Sirius thing, he has no clue why he's so ticked off and of course that compounds it because he's frustrated with himself for not knowing. I thought that sounded rather like him. :) And you're most welcome to whinge about him, everyone else does. My own fault for pandering to a Sirius-centric audience, I think. :D
As for how long it takes him to figure it out ... actually it has to be pointed out to him, but I'm not saying now when that happens. Or who points it out. It does however happen off page (obviously I couldn't have Laura witnessing something like that) so you'll be wondering for a while I think. I've written the scene though so it's clear in my head - another of those one-shots I was talking about.
And I'm glad you like Martha. She's a bit of an acquired taste (brash, outspoken) but I'm rather fond of her all told.
Glad you're still enjoying it! THank you!!
Mel Report Review
As sad as it is, Lilyís mum illness is a good plot twist and very different from most Marauder fics. Iím glad youíre original. Canít say the same for myself.
Hopefully James, the knight in shining armour can take over here. Although, Iím not sure how itís all going to go. Lily isnít going to take his concerned side very well.
ďWhatís wrong with Evans?Ē he asked, his face full of concern as he fell into step with us.
Good on you James. I knew I could count on him to be concerned.
He blanched at the implied insult but soon recovered himself and nodded. ďIíll be good as gold,Ē he promised. ďBut do me one favour?Ē We looked at him curiously. ďLet me know if there is anything I can do for her? I mean, anything at all.Ē
Youíre lovely James. I love you.
Interesting DADA lesson. I wonder when people will start finding out about Remus. I wonder if Lily knows already? Iím not sure how close they are in this instance.
I hope that Laura is the most calm and loving towards Remus when she finds out. Iím sure she will be. It would suck that when Charlotte found out she will think of him differently. I think that would be awful... but Iím just thinking of different ways it could all go. I could be completely wrong with my crazy predictions.
Lily looked almost uncomfortable for a moment before her face broke into a grin.
I guess Lily does know about it then.
I looked up and saw Bertram Aubrey, seventh-year Hufflepuff.
Oh no! No no no no no! Thatís meant to be Sirius! I just know how this will end up. But thatís okay, hopefully Sirius will get jealous and realise that he is in love with Laura.
Well, there better be some sort of internal battle going on.
Oh and while I remember... I think that those one shots from Sirius perspective would be brilliant! I would love that! Definite fan!
10/10Author's Response: Wow, you're still reading! This is a lot in one go. And I have just enough time to respond before I get my youngest up from her nap. *grins*
Ah, I had to start killing off parente eventually. They're all dead by November 1981 (Lily's and James', I mean) so why not start now? And JKR said Mr & Mrs Evans were normal Muggle deaths so ... cancer it was.
And yes, good old James. He's a bit of a sweetheart isn't he?
I thought it was important to have that DADA lesson in there, especially once I realised that book was a recent release. (Gotta love that Lexicon!) And you're right, Lily does know by now. My lips are sealed as to how/whether the others find out though.
And yes, Bertram. He very obligingly filled a number of plot points for me when he first appeared as a character in my head. But you'll have to read on to see how! *evil grin* As for Sirius, well, the same! Not telling in advance. That would spoil the surprise.
Okay, I've taken the request on board for those one-shots. Mind you I'm not doing it till the whole thing is up so it'll be a while off before I even think seriously about posting them. But thanks for the heads up!
cheers, Mel Report Review
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