HAPPY YESTERBIRTHDAY, MY LOVELIEST LOVELY.
I've told you this before but I LOVE THIS. Poor Scorpy :( I do hope everything works out.
Yummy Matthew ♥
Yummy everything ♥
xxAuthor's Response: Thank you! Scorpy will be fine, don't worry. ;) Report Review
IT'S OVER. WEEPY WEEPY WEEP WEEP.
Love Matthew/Rose. Scorp/Rose shippers for this story are delusional. He's too much of a weirdo.
Can't wait to see what you *cough*I*cough* come up with for the sequel ;)
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE
xxAuthor's Response: NO, I love YOU more than life.
You, naturally, inspire all of the story. Get yourself back into my life and help me make a fabber sequel ♥ Report Review
So I'm not going to reread this chapter but I want to review before I go away.
I KNOW THIS WAS FAB. I LOVE YOU LOTS. HAVE A NICE LIFE.
xxAuthor's Response: Enjoy your holiday! Report Review
Okay, so I don't really remember what happened earlier but THIS WAS FAB. Short but simple and so, so beautiful as ever. Lovely angst and I love this world that you've created so (seemingly, even if it's not) effortlessly. It's so uniquely yours and nobody else has a patch on you.
xx Report Review
Aw, apologetic Dom. Not that it makes it any better, mind you, but aw.
LOVELY MATTHEW. I WANT HIM. I CAN EVEN COPE WITH THE BISCUIT HATING. He is so fit in my head...
Sad Boris times but YAYS FOR ROSE'S LIFE GETTING BACK ON TRACK.
This is all complete rubbish. I know what's coming. Mwahahaha.
PS HAVE I GOT IT??? Report Review
YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON AND I HATE YOU.
You know I think you're fab and I know the truth about Boris so HIS NAME WILL LIVE ON ♥
xxAuthor's Response: Sorryy :( It's a necessary evil! Report Review
Hm, I'm going to disagree with that other reviewer who may now be below me (or a couple below me) and say that I think Rose is no better than Molly. Her self-righteousness in this chapter kind of grated on me, especially given the way she's treated Scorpius through the story. She doesn't have much right to decide what makes a good person after the way she behaved towards him. I'm not entirely sure how Molly and Lorcan's relationship presents an issue with her character either...
Or maybe I'm biased ;)
However, I'm glad Teddy is unhappy. I don't think he deserves complete hating for what was basically a one-night stand. It's not like it's a recurring thing. Mind you, that's my general dislike of Teddy/Victoire coming through, I think :P
ON THE PLUS SIDE, DOES THIS MEAN WE GET ROSE/SCORP SOON? AND WILL MOLLY/LORCAN MAKE IT? AND WILL DOMINIQUE'S BABY BE CALLED ANDREAS?
xxAuthor's Response: All right, grumpy guts :P We know you're waving the Molly fan flag. Rose has got very carried away with being the person on the 'right' side of the argument this time, or so she thinks. More than anything she's really really hurt and embarrassed, so she's just taking that out on everyone else to distract herself from it.
Yeah, Teddy's an idiot, but he's not exactly dealing with it well, so he can be hated for that :P
Um... Andreas? No. No no no. Report Review
I like Lucy ♥
No Jesùs :(
Lovely Boris ♥
Gorgeous Henry and Matthew, even if he does hate biscuits.
Silly Rose and Molly.
Hate you for not telling me it was up.
xxAuthor's Response: I have mentioned it in many places! Needy. JesÃºs... oh my god, have we had the last chapter with JesÃºs? We can't have!! Oh my god I'm going to have to write him in. We can't have no more JesÃºs. -crying- LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE. Thanks. Report Review
Okay, I have the biggest grin on my face at the minute ♥ My mum's just about to come upstairs to bed so I'm trying to get rid of it before she asks me what I'm grinning about but that was oh, such a perfect ending. I had wondered about the title, about how you'd chosen it but to round off with those words, it makes the whole thing come full circle and I feel so content now.
I'm so pleased that I finally read this. I won't be making the same mistake again with your writing. I can't believe how talented you are and how much your writing has improved since the first (still amazingly well-written) chapter. I'm just in awe of you, lovely. You're so creative and talented and imaginative. You have two perfectly crafted characters here who take on elements of their canon selves (and their daughter) yet are wholly yours.
I loved every minute of reading it. Thank you for writing such a gem.
xx Report Review
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
I'd keep going but I don't think it's allowed.
I'm going to keep this one extremely short. Beautiful doesn't cover it. Stunning almost evokes the right image. Flawless? Will that do? I'm not sure even that is enough. I can't get over how much I love everything in this story and it deserves so much more attention than it has had so far. I shall be shouting my recommendation from the rooftops and insist that people read and review.
xx Report Review
I think this chapter just broke my heart in a way it's never been broken before. I've read some heart-wrenching angst in the past but this gave me a completely different emotion to anything I can recall feeling after reading a story before. It's like a rather profound sadness and disappointment and curiosity rolled into one.
Capria's character definitely developed here and I really like how you make the loss of her family an echo of her daughter's future. There are a lot of similarities between her and Luna which is perhaps what makes her feel so canon.
I find it interesting that you never name the girlfriend. It dehumanises her a bit and separates her from Capria, whose name is like a part of her (it's a terribly pretty name, by the way). The namelessness also makes her feel less important and blends her into 'a thousand other girls', marking Capria out again as something very special.
Two chapters left! I'm so interested to know why Capria refused the invite to the wedding!
xx Report Review
FORGET NASTY MUGGLE WOMAN. CAPRIA ♥
It's so sad that he's had to deal with her for so long. I can't imagine what that would do to someone's confidence. It does make me wonder why she's stuck with him until now because it seems like they weren't a perfect match.
Capria, on the other hand, is a breath of fresh air and I mean that as literally as possible. She is something so new and so creative, so beautifully crafted...I don't even have words but I wish I had the skill to form a character like her and make her believable.
Gina, I always knew you were a talented writer but this story is reminding me just how special your talent is. And also reminding me that I'm an idiot who needs to actually read what she says she will...
I love it
xx Report Review
It really breaks my heart that Xeno thinks he's in the wrong and at fault for his girlfriend's behaviour. You've made me feel very protective of him, even in this short space of time, and I want her to understand why he is the way he is. He's almost childlike in the way that he doesn't understand why she reacts like she does and it's very endearing.
Capria is such a sweetheart too. We know little about Luna's mother in canon but you make it hard to imagine anyone else in the role. She's so cute and I can just picture their relationship, their wedding, Luna's childhood etc., even after only a few scenes with her in. They both have such a special and unique way of looking on the world that you capture in their characters, their dialogue and your beautiful writing style.
I just have two little tiny Britishisms to suggest: perhaps change the baseballs he collects for tennis or cricket balls, because we don't play baseball over here, and change the diner for cafe as we don't have diners here (only mock-American ones but they're rare).
Other than those two tiny nit-picks, this is another wonderful chapter!
xx Report Review
How long ago did I say I was going to read this, Gina? I hate saying the word years but it is exactly that. I know I've promised for so long and I honestly thought I'd at least started to read it without reviewing but I definitely haven't. It would be impossible to forget something as special as this. I shall be giving great words of thanks to whoever devised the fifth review challenge at TGS and encouraging people to come and read.
This is what fanfiction should be, in my mind: taking characters who we barely know and digging so deeply and perfectly into them that you start to wonder where the line between JKR canon and the story's canon begins and ends. When it's impossible to discern any difference, you have to consider the piece of fanfiction to be as close to perfect as writing can ever be. I think this is one such example.
I wouldn't say I particularly liked Luna or Xenophilius in the books (and even less so in the films) and. I admit to rarely reading about either of them on HPFF but when I do, I hate them being done wrong, perhaps more so than people having difficulties with the trio, Snape or Dumbledore. Here, however, you are with a small handful of people who I feel have captured the very essence of the Lovegoods in their writing.
Despite this being only the first chapter, I think Xeno's character came alive. He is obviously very much your own yet I could see him growing up to be the man we met in the books. I could see him as Luna's father. The way you have set up his future as owner of a magazine, the support of his brother, his seriousness about what he believes in, it all rings true with canon. He's wonderful.
I did wonder, to begin with, whether the girlfriend was Luna's mother and was quite alarmed by her characterisation. However, after a few lines, I realised that it wasn't and as soon as Capria made her appearance, it became impossible to imagine him with anyone else. She has this very mystical quality to her, a kind of vibrancy that comes off the page and made her very clear in my mind. I can't wait to see where you take her.
I want to try and review the whole story tonight so I'll move on to the next chapter now but I'm still kicking myself for not getting to this sooner!
xx Report Review
BAD ROSE. DON'T BE MEAN TO MOLLY. So mean :( Molly needs Rose like Rachel needs Marina. ALL OF THE TIMES.
You're fab. This is fab. So much fabber than Fab.
xxAuthor's Response: You are fab! ♥ thank you! Report Review
SOMEONE ELSE HAS WRITTEN MY NON-NEXT GEN OTP. Life is good, even if this doesn't have a happy end ♥
You know all of the squee I'm going to come out with, the beautiful description, the range of emotions, the slow build up to the climax of the story. I say it every time I review anything of yours. You're so consistent, it's scary. I know what I'm getting every time I read something you write and it's always, always breathtaking.
So to bypass that and move onto your critique focuses. The flow isn't choppy in the slightest. On a first read, I didn't really notice it but on a closer second read for the review, I saw the fragmentation but probably only because I was looking for it. It definitely works and doesn't disrupt the flow of the story at all.
Now the last line is interesting. It's necessary because you couldn't end on the dialogue. It would sound very odd if you did that, anyway. It does sort of fade away but that packs a punch at the same time because so is he and so is she and it's like the rain is washing them and the story away in that final line, wiping the slate clean and wiping them apart. I'm still not sure what the genre of this is and that last line keeps the ambiguity hanging in the air. I think the only problem with it might be the use of 'acting'. I don't know why it sounds very odd to me and the implications of the word perhaps paint too much of an image. On the other hand, you can't take it out because then it doesn't completely make sense and a replacement probably wouldn't work either. I guess that's completely your decision but those are my ramblings :P If you can make any sense of them, well done!
Seriously though, this is another work of art by you. I don't know how you do it, time after time.
xxAuthor's Response: Honestly, I think I chose Daphne/Dean because they're couple name just sounds so amazing: Daphne, Dean. Daphne, Dean. Daphne, Dean. I could say it over and over.
ANYWAY. I'm really very pleased that you think the flow is good. It was a little choppy on purpose, but I didn't want anything to be jarring or... something like that. Anyway. Thank you so, so much for easing my fears on this flow.
Gah, you totally understand my problems with the last line! You're right - you can't end on dialogue, but you still want something to pack a punch and arsglasdflkj. Huh. I never noticed the "acting" part of the sentence. Maybe I'll go back and revise it - thanks for pointing it out.
Thank you for such a lovely, lovely review, dear. Your feedback and comments are always so helpful and lovely and they completely make my morning/day/week. You are very, very kind, and I cannot begin to thank you enough.
xx Rin Report Review
Aww. Good awws and sad awws. Lots of awws.
I really have very little CC for you. I wish I could be of more use but I think you have a very special story on your hands. This is a very fresh and original take on the Next Generation and you write them as they should be written: as children in a far better world than their parents and with very different worries.
I'm going to leave it there because like I said, there's not much else for me to add. I hope you get some inspiration back for this soon!Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I did enjoy writing the kids just worrying about their own daily problems and not about saving the world. These kids don't automatically think "well, my problems are nothing compared to mum and dad's, there's no Voldemort hanging around these days." They see their parents as ordinary, embarrassing people, and if they are heroes besides, that is even more mortifying. (though the kids are proud too... secretly!)
I have really fallen in love with Alfie and Lysander (and even Rose and Albus) and when the plot bunnies start to bite again I will be a happy writer :) Thank you!! Report Review
Aw, poor Lysander :( He's definitely showing his Gryffindor colours already ♥
I love your characterisation of Rose and the fact that you've written this lot as they are: kids. It has become common practice to see children written with the dialogue and looks of an adult on HPFF but that definitely isn't an issue here. You've got them all perfect for their ages.
It's a small detail but to my knowledge, we don't use 'coach' in quite the same way as you do in the US. It'd be rare for anyone to call their coach 'Coach', if that makes sense? I would imagine that he'd just be Mr McLaggen and called 'sir' by the kids.
Victoire seems more consistent with the way you wrote her at the end of the first chapter here so I'd definitely think about toning her down a bit at the start of the story. She seems really lovely and very normal, which is a rare thing to see.
Everything else was in fine form. I've got nothing to say on it! This is again a really solid chapter with lots of little bits of humour (but not too much) and a strong cast of characters. I just hope you're not going to make Neville into a monster!
Onwards I go!Author's Response: Thank you for the notes on "coach!" I really appreciate it. :) I'm glad you thought Victoire balanced herself out, I will definitely scan her first appearance and fix it up next time I edit.
You've been so helpful Rachel! Report Review
Hi Mary ♥ I'm so sorry it's taken me a month to get to these reviews. I'm not entirely sure I'll squeeze all three in tonight but I will do my best! I'm a bit confused because I know I've read this chapter before and must have been a very bad person and not reviewed. I shall slap my wrist on your behalf.
I think this chapter is a really strong start to the story. I love how you skipped over the Sorting (I find those scenes a bit tedious) and threw us right in with the action. The characters have been comfortably set up - Lysander especially - and Alfie fits seamlessly in with the characters we already know.
I think the fact that you're a mother means that the way you've written Lysander's relationship with various others in his childhood, namely the Potters, is much more real and original than in other stories. 'Lily the pest' made me laugh and the fact that Luna expected them all to play nicely struck a chord with me for how real it was. I was constantly forced to play with children I didn't much like!
The style is very smooth, it flows nicely and the different sections of the story were broken up well. The dialogue was pretty much spot on with one or two small exceptions (I'd maybe get rid of the 'totally stinks', swap 'kid' for son/daughter/child/other, and change 'man' for 'mate'). No issues there.
I couldn't really see the problem with Victoire's character here so I looked through your reviews to try and see what other people thought. To me, she does seem very changeable but most 17-year-old girls are. She struck me initially to be a little Percy-ish so maybe you could tone down her anger at the start to something a little milder if you wanted. It might suit her a bit better. Other than that, I don't see any issue with her thus far!
It's only a small issue but I would add that Luna's Giant Squid dialogue seemed a bit OOC. I couldn't really imagine her saying that in my head so perhaps you could fix that up so it sounds a little less like Molly and a bit more like Luna.
Aside from those tiny niggles, I think this is a really strong opening chapter! You grab the reader's attention, have a set of interesting characters and a fantastic title and summary to match :D
RachelAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the dialogue and Britishisms help! I will also look again at Victoire's mood swings or at least try to explain better what I had in mind. Percy-ish is what I was trying for in a way.
I so appreciate your comments on the Britishisms in particular! That is definitely a weakness of mine :)
I really hope I can get going again on this story soon, it is such fun to write (it's delightful to have a story I can share with my kids) Report Review
LOLS PIANO MONSTER ♥
Out of interest, why would Audrey be mad about Roxanne dropping out of law school? Am I forgetting something...?
OMG. I'D FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT. NOT AS GOOD AS SHOVEL OF DEATH BUT YAYS REVELATIONS.
Milkman of the Year ♥ I love Lorcan.Author's Response: Erm. You read it wrong. It says Angelina... or it will do after I edit haha.
SHOCK HORROR, RIGHT? Things gonna get angsteh. Report Review
Oooh. I'd never given much thought to the relationship between Ariana and Kendra before but this really brought it to life. This is so wonderful, lovely. WRITE NOW.
xxAuthor's Response: Kendra and Ariana's relationship is a key part of this, so hopefully you'll like the rest too :D love youuu Report Review
Keeping this short. You are so, so, so, SO talented. Ariana's voice is so tragic and I just feel so much of what she sees and lives through your writing. This world comes to life with your words and I just adore reading it.
Beautiful ♥Author's Response: ♥ I really was going for tragic. It was so sad what happened to her and I think her being stuck in that world must be real torment for her. Thank you ♥ Report Review
ROSE LOVES SCORPY.
I love this/you/life/all things beautiful
xxAuthor's Response: Haha your reviews are ridic, so are you but thank you and ILY Report Review
WHY IS THE SEQUEL NOT UP YET? FORGET A-LEVELS. I NEED MORE.
But what a sweet ending and such a promise for more to come. I'm so glad Evie and Noah are together and lovely and sweet and everything. Love how things seem to be somewhat normal for a bit and SPARKS! WHOO! EVIE'S MAGICAL.
I'm so happy that you finally finished this. I hope summer will bring the sequel and oodles more readers. I'm going to advertise this story everywhere!
SO YAYS AND IT'S FABULOUS AND I'M SO JEL AND I LOVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS.
xxAuthor's Response: Haha, it is now at this point in time! ;) and yes, that's the main thing - the sparks. But will they present themselves again? Who knows...
I am ridiculously happy it's finished too and THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! You are the best, better than Marms â¥ thank you so much! Love you lots and lots! xxx Report Review
WOW. Lots of dramas! What a penultimate chapter!
KISS ♥ ABOUT TIME TOO. Noah/Evie for life.
Oh Jenny, what an almost-ending! Poor Eden :( I'm so glad she came to her senses though and redeemed herself in the end ♥
I'm moving on because HPFF has decided to go and a go-slow and I want to read the next chapter before it breaks again
xxAuthor's Response: YESSS, the kiss! Was literally so happy to finally write it! And yes, Eden :( she was really a good guy all along in bad circumstances. I'm really glad you liked it as I was a bit iffy about it, but yay! xx Report Review
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