Reading Reviews From Member: Slide
141 Reviews Found

Review #26, by SlideHamartia: one.

24th April 2015:
This is tremendous. I haven't been sucked in by prose in a long time, and from the Ominous Opening, a killer of an introductory line, and incredibly efficient exposition without ever feeling clunky, I've struggled to find a gap where I could pause to note down thoughts.

'She looked like a hard frost on a winter morning,' has made me flail and start writing so I can get my opinions in as I go along. Gorgeous description. Just perfect for the visual and atmospheric. Athena's not done a thing but exist in the story and yet she is THERE and I want to know more.

So, yes. I love Slytherins, I love moral ambiguity, and I love, I LOVE stories set alongside canon which deal with the hardships of the war. I also adore Amelia Bones so that's a random hook you've caught me on. As such, this story promises to be catnip for Slide.

I would say more, but I haven't been grabbed by the throat by a fanfic in a long time, and I shall go revel in this for the second chapter. Onward!

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Review #27, by SlidePainful Bliss: Love

2nd April 2015:
I like starting with the memories. It's an interesting atmosphere being set up, something slightly off-kilter amongst the emotions. I'm not yet sure what to expect, but it's keeping me curious.

Good use of the different senses for setting the scene; keeping consistency on smell for description and characterisation is a nice touch.

Ah, so I see there's trouble in paradise. Nice move to contrast the current tensions with the dreams/memories which implied much simpler affection. Also I find it interesting how there's a lot of Draco ruminating on how much she's made it difficult for him, how she doesn't care about stuff - these things are never this simple, so it makes me curious to see what *he's* done to push the situation to this.

There we go. Intentional or not, he's certainly emulating his father in his frustration, isn't he?

Interesting to go into Astoria's head. You'd drawn attention to her being thin, now we're seeing she's got problems keeping down food; I'm guessing that Astoria's got problems which were already there pre-Draco, and he's probably not that equipped to cope with them.

No wonder Astoria can't stand dinner with Blaise and Isabella. Anyone who says 'we're' pregnant isn't worth that dinner. ;)

I'm enjoying the premise of this story. I enjoy romance as a primary focus of a story when the romance is complex, and this one is. Both Draco and Astoria are proving themselves very flawed, and I appreciate that; it's all too-easy to demonise just one side or the other, and you're not doing that.

Good stuff!

Author's Response: Me too! I don't remember why I wanted to start with memories but I think I felt like the prologue was almost dream like, was it reality or not? You know what I mean?

It's definietly not intentional for Draco to emulate his father. You see Lucius later on in the story and he's a little different but still familiar. I think some of him is still ingrained in Draco though so he can't help it. It's just who he is.

Yes, trouble indeed. Marriage, so I have been told, isn't easy. There are ups and there are downs and right now they're experiencing a major 'down.'

Haha! Don't you hate that? We're pregnant? Nah, unless the man is also carrying the baby for 9 months SHE'S pregnant.

So glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for the review!

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Review #28, by SlidePainful Bliss: Prologue: Beginnings

2nd April 2015:
Right! Here for the review exchange. I may not get the whole lot done yet but I DO intend to give this all a good old crack. I don't read much of Draco-centric fic, so I'm looking forward to reading something different.

I can see Draco in an awkward place after the war, to put it mildly. Everyday domestic and family stuff just wouldn't happen. Or even just life-building. It'd be difficult, anyway. It's a good place to start a story.

I like the description on Astoria. Tying in the flaws with her appeal make both her more real as a character, and any of Draco's blossoming affection for her more real.

I chuckled on Blaise advising him to not smirk. Little things like that do rather suggest Draco has the capacity to change - and the desire, which I reckon is rather necessary to make him sympathetic for a story.

It ends simply and effectively. We've not seen much of their interactions to get a handle on any dynamic the two of them might have, but it was fun to see this from Draco's perspective, to see him ruminating on her and what he felt about her. It's a good establishing piece and I'm looking forward to seeing more of the relationship.

Good stuff!

Author's Response: Hello!

I love Draco actually. I don't read too many fics with him anymore either. I think they are hard to come by. I think Draco would have struggled after the war. He would have been in between the new and the old war, trying to find a balance with his beliefs but accepting the way things are now. It would have been hard so he would have been lost.

I wanted Blaise to be his go-to because for one I don't think Draco would have had too many people to talk too. Blaise wasn't exactly thick into the war and the Death Eater movement so he's a good choice for Draco to be friends with. A safe choice.

I didn't want to give too much away in the prologue. Thinks are different in the first chapter. Time jump!

Thanks so much for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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Review #29, by SlideDerailed: dos

26th February 2015:

Oh James. You're a terrible influence. First names with the kids, they know they can get away with things? I love you so dearly. Good Carla. Don't feed the runaway kids alcohol. They need to learn to be more sneaky. They've got to EARN it!

NEVER MIND YAY BRIGID. D'aww, Brigid WEASLEY. This makes me happy. Oh, the family drama of dealing with Malfoys. Hilarious and inevitable and kind of sad - not that anyone's reasons for not going near the Malfoys aren't 110% reasonable. And I adore that Louis is just going to party. Bless Louis. Oh JESUS you can't just have one tiff in the Wotters, can you? It starts small then ripples and the moment you think you're free, someone's found a whole new point of contention. Poor Lily. Poor Rose. Probably poor Rose. Not yet sure how much of a prat her Scorpius is.

And it's gotta SUPER suck when the Wotters are just your in-laws. Carla's point about not having the right to one's own opinion is a harsh way of putting it, but I can see why they feel like that. It affects them directly and yet DOESN'T, but they still have to deal with it.

WORD OF GOD Freddie is a saint to Brigid. Case. Closed. :D

Oh noo, Carla, James' breakdown is not your fault! I mean, it's very sweet that James is taking such responsibility for what happened, and it's probably worth considering if he has a rocky relationship with alcohol - not necessarily sure he does, but it's certainly a question worth asking himself. But there were so many things other than Carla going wrong, and STILL!


Yesss James. You rip the system apart. It IS completely ridiculous. Except for - oh yeah. Harry. It's like you're beating me to the point. Flying lessons - MORE flying lessons - make so much sense! Fandom kind of has everyone happily Apparating and getting Portkeys easy (*cough*, guilty as charged), but canon explains that Apparition isn't everyone's cup of tea and Floo doesn't get you everywhere, so flying is a VALID form of magical transportation. Witches and wizards should be properly taught how to fly! Aww, I assumed the Unicorn League was for first years, but this makes a lot more sense. I mean, especially IF Hogwarts is assumed bigger than the ~300-odd mark on size (bloody JK maths), the idea that you play Srs Quidditch or no Quidditch at all is silly.

Ohhh it's another little pigmy puff it'll die a horrible death.

I'm with you, Carla. Stubble on men IS a double-edged sword. Okay, no, I wouldn't let anyone shave my legs, definitely not a man, definitely not with a wand, and what the HELL is Hugo and Alice's relationship?! Have I forgotten something integral here??

On with the show! To the dinner of DISASTER! I can't wait.

Author's Response: Apparently I'm as terrible at answering reviews as I am at leaving them. HNG.

Ha, can you imagine James as a strict teacher though? It would never happen. I like to think of him trying his hardest to enforce his authority, but the students knowing he's the biggest pushover ever.

Brigid makes me so happy in Derailed. She and Carlotta have the most adorable friendship. NAW. And yes, big rifts, poor Wotters - still, at least they're not the type of family to bear grudges, and we'll see what - if any - long-lasting effects this event will have on the family fairly soon after.

I think you'll like Rose's Scorpius. He's adorable.

The single biggest "what if" I've encountered in the Rails universe is, what if Carlotta hadn't gotten mad at James for not telling her everything at that exact point in time? She - inadvertently - hit him at his lowest moment (at that point in time) and it went and made it all worse. And I can't help but think to myself, WOULD HE have broken apart in that way if he'd gotten home to a supportive, happy Carlotta who'd have calmed down his anger and not stoked it? I think he'd have had some sort of Moment, but I don't know if it would have been quite so bad. But then, he was a very messed up and confused poor kid at that point in time, so something else would probably have pushed him over the edge instead. Still, it happened the way it did, and poor Carlotta sees herself as the catalyst that broke him for good. And forgets that she also FIXED him.

Had so much fun creating the new Quidditch curriculum. SO MUCH FUN. It really makes no sense at all - I mean, I expect we missed a fair few flying lessons in PS because Harry didn't necessarily go to them, but even so - flying lessons for a year tops, and that's it? Yeah, that's not at all fair. Enter James.


Haha, you haven't missed anything of Hugo and Alice's relationship, don't worry. They were the "are they, aren't they?" couple of Rails, and now they're very much a couple, and what's more, they're THAT sickeningly sweet couple that does everything together. If only because that's the sort of thing that would annoy Carlotta. I am cruel to my characters.

Ta for the review :)

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Review #30, by SlideUnconfirmed Reports: [S1:E1] Pilot/"The Pluckley Anomaly"

18th February 2015:
Here for the Gryffindor monthly review exchange! And first off I must say I am an absolute SUCKER for Investigative Duos and OC fics.

Very good scene-setting at the beginning, a nice slow build of the atmosphere and environment to bring us into the situation. I could very much see the Department of Mysteries being subject to bureaucratic demands, both internal and from the rest of the Ministry, not to mention getting diverted by their own research obsessions. I snorted pretty loudly at 'assiduously documented attempts at resurrecting amoeba'!

You're building a good degree of curiosity as to exactly what it is Samuel DOES. Obviously he's a field operative of some type, but I'm keen to know precisely where his expertise/purview lies.

Food-based metaphors about boring conversations is inspired and pretty accurate. And I got inordinately excited by the idea of magical microfilm. For all your gritty-and-yet-magical investigative needs!

I see Kieran is equipped with an official JK-esque accent. :D I get the impression Samuel is drawn more to the cynical and misanthropic types, based on their conversation? Aand the reference to the mysterious 'Cassie' kind of confirms that. So Samuel's a walking disaster of work commitment and emotional avoidance, I take it? And he's obviously winning Landreth over nice and quick with his manner!

I'm feeling very much we're seeing Landreth through Samuel's eyes only; he's immediately very dismissive of her, even if her offences are, 'Showed up to work dressed formally,' and 'sat in his chair.' Even that she had the foresight to dress appropriately for field work has him ruminating on how she's likely a carrier of vicious old pureblood beliefs. I will be curious to see how the layers of her are peeled back, both to Samuel and to us as readers. And yet she knows how to put up a tent without magic and how to dress in public. HMM!

I am totally on board with runic markings and runic magics; I love stories which extrapolate on the canon (which you'll have to do with Unspeakable stuff) and I think Anglo-Saxon culture has clearly had a huge influence on wizarding society; it's a logical place to start looking for inspiration.

Very much enjoying how the dynamic between Hatch and Landreth is developing; she's starting to show more of her merits and seems already to be figuring out how to drive him better. Asking the right questions which make him more effective at setting his experience and talents to the specific case. And, well, being pretty sharp at reacting to problems, like the barrier hurling them back.

Oh hoo, wooden cages. That is NEVER a good sign. So much, as Samuel thinks, for this being accidental. I do wonder what the wizard was up to? Likely nothing good with such abductions. And by the end of it, Landreth is showing her mettle and Samuel's actually acknowledging it! Progress. I look forward to seeing how the two of them develop in a partnership; this was very much an establishing sort of shot, but the dynamic is settling in nicely.

But, yes, thoughts on the main plot. It's very hard to develop stories like this, because you as the writer have to make up lore things and then immediately make them into mysteries, which can be a bit baffling for the reader. I'd put this case down into two 'halves' as it's presented; the sequence in the house, and the later sequence with the runes. The latter, I would say, stands up stronger for one simple reason: you introduce the basic pieces in play to the reader, and then have the characters figure them out while we, the audience, are along for the ride. Even if we can't figure out the mystery ourselves, because we have no way of grasping runic magic, the prose still very effectively led us through Samuel's thought process and I felt like he (and you) were bringing us to a solution quite sensibly.

So I think the first half would have been stronger with more of a 'briefing'; it's not until after the sequence in the house that we really get details on who's gone missing and what the situation is, and I confess I was a little lost on what Samuel was UP to with marking out the spot above the disappearance, etc. It's sometimes good to surprise your readers, but I'd suggest handling that kind of trick one of two ways in future: either equip your reader with more information on what the mystery is, so we can have our own little conjecture as to what Samuel's trying to figure out, or maybe put us in Landreth's POV, where she can be just as confused as us readers on what samuel's up to. Of course, I recognise that this particular story was more about Samuel than about Landreth, so I'm confident we'll get more of her being bewildered alongside the reader in the future.

But that's really my only criticism, and mysteries - especially fantasy mysteries about fantasy magic - are quite tough. I really enjoyed the rune magic elements, and how Samuel figured out that puzzle, and moving on to the obelisk; it's exactly the kind of lore extrapolation I love, so I will definitely be checking out future chapters.

Very much an enjoyable story, and I think a very worthwhile idea for you to continue. I love my episodic TV show-esque tales, and I really like the idea of Unspeakables X-Filesing their way across Britain!

I hear you on not necessarily making the relationship between Hatch and Landreth a romance. I think you're taking the right stance; if the story starts demanding it, listen to the story, but otherwise we're good with our mystery solving duo... probably complaining at each other for a little while longer, heh.

Great work. Oh, and I'd absolutely be up for bouncing ideas or the like if you wanted a sounding board with magic and mystery stuff; like I say, I'm a right sucker for the genre, and I was stoked when I realised what story I'd got in the exchange.

Rock on! (Oh God this is maybe my longest review ever)

~ Cath

Author's Response: Howdy Cath! Let me start by saying thanks a million for this long, thoughtful, detailed review. It's EXACTLY the kind of review I need before editing and then pressing beyond what is essentially a "pilot episode" for this story!

Ahh Samuel... Like Churchill said of Russia, both he and the Department of Mysteries itself are something a of "riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma" - naturally that won't ALWAYS be the case for the life of the story, but that's where we're starting. And you're quite correct about the type of people Samuel is drawn to at present. While I'm not certain it will happen in a big way this first season, we'll get to see more of why that is through a variety of different mechanisms.

The Hatch and Landreth dynamic is something that I hope to continue to develop into a complex one. For now Hatch definitely has Landreth under heavy scrutiny and that probably won't change soon for a variety of reasons that will also slowly be revealed. While some of his reasons are based in legitimate professional concerns, others lie a lot deeper and more at the heart of who Hatch is and his experiences.

I definitely understand what you're saying about the first half of the story and that's something I'm going to probably include in some way when I go back and edit. I originally had some of that included in an early draft of the duo's arrival in Pluckley, but cut it in hopes that people could look past that bit and be more intrigued. I think the total absence of it was too much though and that's something I'll look at for sure.

Like I said, I really appreciate all the detailed and thoughtful feedback you gave here. It's going to be hugely instrumental when I edit this bit soon - including a little more at the back end so the ending doesn't feel so rushed (which it honestly was to an extent because I wanted to get it into the January review exchange).

Now that I've beaten back some of my outstanding professional and HPFF obligations from even before the exchange pairings, I'll be by to check out your story soon!


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Review #31, by SlideYear Five: Recreational Magic Abuse Recovery

20th December 2014:

I'm sorry, I'm just - I'm dead. I laughed loud enough to scare the cat and it's early morning and he's not impressed. Right. Sorry. GOOD. HERE. REST OF THE REVIEW.

ISOBEL, you slept with her sister! ...okay, no drama. Emily is cool with it. Lucas seems cool. I must amend my previous concerns: good for you, girl! I think this was handled with about as much attention and gravitas as it deserved. Addressed, fussed over 'cos they ARE teenage girls, and yet the world hasn't bloody moved and it's not the romance of their lives or any such.

Her crash and burn over this eating disorder is not going to be good. I'm glad Emily's noticing it; she's much more likely to DO something about it than I suspect Isobel was going to do anything about Laurel. I give Isobel credit for observing and analysing, but for something delicate and emotional and requiring that kind of social confidence? Call Emily. OR they could continue to be teenagers and fail to do anything about anything.

That does sound more likely.

'Succeeded by proxy.' Yeah, Emily, close enough. I hope Iman's noticing what's up with Isobel, though sisters aren't always the best people to hear these truths from!

Oh nooo anti-charming pamphlets. They're about as awful as one would expect. Oh, small Luna cameo, yay! ...oh, Xenophilius is laid up in rehab... less yay, not surprising.

YES, Emily. SECOND GUESS THE WISDOM OF SMUGGLING DRUGS INTO REHAB. These kids. It might only be biscuits but the principle is entirely ill-founded! You wouldn't smuggle in booze, either!

Poor Laurel. Kid doesn't deserve this. I mean, it could have been a lot worse, even aside from almost dying, but she's still in a hell of a place. I'm not surprised her mother blames Tristan, even aside from him being in cahoots with her, it's just natural to want to blame somebody, but I hope that never reaches his ears, he doesn't need that. I'm glad Isobel's being told she did the right thing, it seems she entirely did.

Well, all of this rehab stuff was thoroughly and appropriately depressing. It seems Laurel's in the right place, but it's a long as all hell road, and Luna needing to be with a social worker is just icing on the depressing cake.

HA no baby photos, I'm onto you. Oh, so's Emily, I feel less smart.

So this chapter veered wildly between making me almost suffocate from trying (and failing) to not laugh, and depressing me. GOOD WORK.

Author's Response: I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKED THAT LINE! I first got that idea sitting in a university dorm--like, so much has probably happened in those walls...

I really wanted to show a lot different First Times, and different reactions to them. Whist on Holiday and Not A Big Deal is definitely a thing. You can also think of it like a calculated and logical decision--because OF COURSE Isobel would make a calculated and logical decision.

Yeah, it's funny that Isobel is kind of the Mum of the group, because Emily might actually be better suited.

Pamphlets are necessarily terrible, by their nature.

I'm SO GLAD the Xenophilius thing makes sense, and seems to fit. That's a rather BIG backstory to give such a major canon character; a dangerous game.

Oh teenagers... They're perfectly well meaning, and then they smuggle special biscuits into rehab...

Isobel definitely did the best thing, and definitely in a difficult situation (I wanted Finite there to kind of mirror the real world, where withdrawals can be really dangerous, or even fatal).

*Shuffles feet* They lost the baby photo album in the MOVE.

Thank you so much for all these reviewwws!

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Review #32, by SlideYear Five: Muggle Magic

20th December 2014:
Sneaky Isobel, with all of her cooking for the family only to dodge it herself. I was wondering how she got away with it, but it seems hers are the domineering kind of parents, having a good old time trying to care and instead contributing to those body issues, sigh. They seem well meaning, but, well, parents. Her dad's job is AWESOME, though. Poor bugger, nasty Department of Mysteries.

HA, I bet Dumbledore and Doge were a thing at one point, too. Poor Doge, clearly way more into Dumbledore while Dumbledore was into Grindelwald.

And the Amazing Hippy Family of Emily's! Yipes, they really are dedicated hippies, aren't they? Oh noo, hot brother. Alert, Isobel. Don't go for the brother. It's rarely a good idea. Still, Lucas seems cool and SENSIBLE, checking up on them. Alas, he'd probably be able to be a much more useful tempering influence if he was physically capable of it, but, Hogwarts isolation. I'm glad Emily's clearly capable of being honest with him about her habits... even if I suspect she's pretty dang wrong about Tristan being 'off all that now.' Maybe not magic, but...

I suspect Isobel's not going to have as big a problem with food when it comes in Baked Form! Heh, fun chapter. It was nice to see the girls' family lives, explained an awful lot more about them. Everyone has such a rich and distinctive home life and family!

Author's Response: Oh yes, her parents definitely aren't EVIL or anything. I was really interested in showing different types of families and parenting strategies. Isobel's lucky in a lot of ways, but then there are very unique problems that come out of privelege :(

Oh Dumbledore and Doge SO had a thing! I mean, RIGHT?! My mom originally thought Doge was female, because the obituary was so CLEARLY written by a former lover. But then Dumbledore got confirmed gay, explaining EVERYTHING!

Ha, I snort-laughed at your 'alert Isobel' comment.

I definitely think there are some real problems associated with the concept of Boarding School--at least for SOME kids. Emily and Tristan would definitely benefit a lot from less isolation from their families.

Oh man, mind-altering foods are actually an EXCELLENT method of convincing anorexics to eat (assuming they're into that kind of thing). It's basically exploiting one problem (substance use) to combat another (eating disorders).

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Review #33, by SlideYear Five: War Children

20th December 2014:
It might not be a very KIND thought, but I can't really blame Tristan for being a bit relieved Laurel's not 'his problem' any more. It's not explicitly cowardly to be relieved to be out of a very stressful and difficult situation. The guys COULD have done more for Laurel - but realistically, they weren't equipped to do so, and while it's horrific it degenerated so badly, they're kids. There are a lot of complicated issues here, and Tristan can't HIDE from problems, but, yeah. He's not a bad person for this thought.

Why am I pleased to see Snape? I guess he's been pretty mysterious in this so far. OH NO HE'S BEING MORE MYSTERIOUS, DAMN IT SNAPE.

This is not his birth family. Can't be. I recall the reference a few chapters ago to him thinking of his mother as 'Mary'; it's been weeks since I've read this so I couldn't remember if that oddity had been addressed sooner. Longbottom reference (did he witness what happened to them?), his name being a 'nickname' which stuck... no. HA. Taking him home from the hospital. I see through your allusions intended to throw me off the trail.

Sega and old Sonic. PERIOD. DRAMA. (apparently, I see from the Author's Note, complete with mild anachronisms. We'll forgive you)

Oh, Tristan. Right, amazing time for you to completely descend into a spiral. Inevitable, but you don't do anything by halves, do you? I really like the direct comparison between this and Laurel's charm blend; when it's recreational charms there's an inherent sense of whimsy or harmlessness for us, readers (Cripes, I almost called us 'Muggle readers'). Even with what happened to Laurel, it's magic, fiction. Tristan descending into harder mundane drugs and describing the sense as being comparable to magic ties everything together in a very Real sort of way.

Poor kid. Very curious on how this will all pan out.

Author's Response: Oh good--I'm very relieved that I'm toggling 'realistic and flawed' with 'still sympathetic' well. It can be such a difficult dance!

I LOVE writing Awkwardly Nice Snape :) He's one of the most interesting characters to me, and also tricky to get right, because it's so hard to kind of tease apart his feelings and motivations. I really love writing him, in all his weird complexity, and the challenge of coming up with inscrutability like the books. Like, he's at once this weirdly controlled person (amazing Occlumens, managed to be a double agent, etc), but then he's also weirdly ardent and passionate and loses his temper and stuff. DELIGHTFUL.

Hahahahaha, you are too clever for my 'taking home from the hospital' tricks!

IN MY DEFENSE, they take turns with the sega controller, rather than playing in a multi-player mode, so NOT AN ANACHRONISM! (I originally had them each have a controller and play together--before being compelled to look it up and check!)

Laurel's blend had been intended to be an analog to opiates, and I'm really glad this sequence did it's duty in explaining how TERRIFYING that is! Because, yes! It just seems so clean and easy and fine, using a spell. But the more you think about it, the more you HAVE to think that the concept of mind altering charms is a dangerous one. There is simply NO WAY that that doesn't have serious consequences!

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Review #34, by SlideYear Five: The Big Thing

20th December 2014:
Sooo I've just been full of fuzzy feelings for a certain recently-concluded animated show and its romances, and obviously this means I need to throw myself back into this old ball of angst.

I just realised I was predicting Laurel's self-spelling in the chapter called "Self-Spelling". IT'S LIKE I'M A FREAKING DETECTIVE OR SOMETHING.

Oh good, Emily. We need someone with their finger on the emotional pulse right about now. Also, Emily's clearly too stable for this group. I'm waiting until we discover that she's secretly a pirate and nobody understands, or something. She can't be this even-minded. Though a part of me's wondering if Isobel's going to have a much greater reaction to Laurel's self-spelling than the others; weirdly, this didn't occur to me before, and all of them are entirely entitled to freak out as much as they please over the incident. But Isobel definitely suspected, was Laurel's housemate, knew her longest. And, above all, was there at the crash moment. That's going to sear in your dang mind.

Don't take the trippy as all hell Divination potion, kids. Or - or, okay, take the potion. That's good, too.

Oh my God she's so high. I shouldn't be giggling like hell over this but I totally am. It might be magical but I couldn't possibly comment on conversations I've had just like this. And it's an entertaining ambiguity as to whether this is magic or just some trippy substance which is prompting honesty in Emily of ideas and questions she's contemplated all along, and is prompting Tristan to be honest in his replies. Well, until she reads his mind.

I'm a little more sympathetic to wizarding society, and would assume it has some greater elements of art and culture than the books show, than Tristan. But he certainly has a point in his assessment. I also don't think that fearing the loss of culture which is going to be at the heart of a lot of pureblood prejudice got very explained in the books. We saw prejudice stem more from superiority than fear.

And then we get the hate of it in Marcus Flint's mind, which is very believable and yet still pretty sickening. Aw, this is all good stuff, with clues on the Big Thing and a very believable show-down with the Slytherins and reactions to it. But there's definitely something with Tristan's family that isn't sitting right. Didn't he say his mother was a Gryffindor, and Muggle-born, except he's commenting in the flashback that it runs in families... Hrm. I may just be sleep-deprived and mixing my clues. OH nope, Emily's noticed it too.

And again Snape doesn't react badly. Something up with him. Though I suspect he's sympathetic to Tristan's situation in Slytherin House, but, hrm.

Fun chapter! All the clues and ruminations of Stuff alongside the emotional arcs.

Author's Response: In your defense, I did throw in a little red herring in the self-spelling chapter (namely, Isobel self-spells to induce vomiting).

BAHAHAHA, Emily secretly being a pirate--YOU ARE ON TO ME. (And you're right, she will have her day in the, erm, 'angst spotlight.') And yeah, Isobel and Laurel are the closest, so Isobel's definitely more affected.

YEE! The ambiguity of the magical potion! You may have noticed that I'm a BIG fan of ambiguity and ambivalence ;) There's definitely a literal magic element, but how much is debatable. And either way, the magic is of a much subtler variety than, say, Charms.

Hah, Tristan is basically speaking to the silly complaints of people on the internet (mostly Cracked videos and the like).

So much of blood purity prejudice is CLEARLY absurd--like, even if there ARE 1000 students at Hogwarts, and even if only a minority of British magical children attend rather than being homeschooled (which seems unlikely), that is one TINY population. They'd have LONG since died out if not for intermixing. I had a lot of fun trying to conceptualize these attitudes, and the sources and manifestations of these prejudices (and I'll admit, the whole 'loss of culture' thing was very inspired by, say, certain people rattling on about 'the birth rates for immigrants' and stuff).

I shall keep my lips sealed as per your analysis of Tristan's 'big thing!'

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Review #35, by SlideYear Five: Self-Spelling

19th December 2014:
Yaaay, Isobel. Being right about Emily and cheating. Putting things together with Laurel and Tristan, though the theory that the two of them have hooked up is not an unreasonable one to reach under the circumstances. Oh, and then she seemed okay coming out of the bathroom? Self-spelling. Jeez. DISASTER in the air.

(It's 2 AM and I MUST read on so you're just going to get my sleepy ramblings for this review)

(I think the differences between Transfiguration and Alchemy sound interesting)

Poor Isobel and her weight! I bet she's perfectly healthy... er, aside from what she's cutting out of her diet... and could happily rock around with a rocking body, but noo, being a girl and being a teenager and being remotely curvy is time to have body issues. I want to grab her and tell her she's BRILLIANT already. Don't get an eating disorder, girl. Ugh, more catastrophes looming.

But for now she's noticing Laurel, and good for her by being too busy being concerned by her friend to be proud about her schoolwork. I mean, she deserves to be proud for it, but when her back's to the wall, we're seeing Isobel's priorities.

Aw, Ced. You're a good egg. I kind of like how Flitwick's becoming an 'antagonist' teacher here! In a very mild way, but like with the last chapter mentioning him overlooking the gang's skills in Charms because he knows it comes from some charm 'abuse'. It would make sense that he'd be a teacher a bit too disconnected from teenagers and their problems to understand the right way to deal with it, and to end up throwing around some mild disapproval and perhaps some power as an authority figure. Perhaps well-meaning, but not understanding and not being helpful.

ISOBEL. NO. BAD. 'The delicious feeling of it being empty'? No! You're going to kill me with these kids. No wonder she's getting worse with controlling her eating when the situations with her friends are spiralling out of control. This girl seriously needs a hug with her self-defeating; she's competing with Tristan for failing to recognise her own qualities.

Aaand this situation with her eating habits escalated 'quickly'. Not in terms of it not being seeded, because it absolutely was, but it's degenerated at a much quicker rate than I'd expected. This is painful to read, in the... satisyfing, well-written sort of HORRIBLE way. The way she still goes back to the same sort of habits - trying to out-do Laurel in knowledge in the corridor, committing to working on her essay a good while longer needlessly, is almost unsettling. We have the climax of the scene of her making herself vomit, but everything goes right back to that unsettled drive and struggling for control, which makes sense but is also really just like trouble's barely ducked back beneath the surface.

I like it.

And at the end of it all she still manages to pull through in this frankly HORRIFIC incident with Laurel, possibly saving her life by being smart and decisive.

Ack, you're gonna be the death of me with this story. SO GOOD. Aside from the tackling of sex, drugs, rock 'n roll like the books never did with hormonal teenagers, I think it's the differing perspectives on canon characters I'm enjoying... not the most, but a lot. Oliver being seen as something other than a good-hearted, Quidditch obsessed nutter, while still being sympathetic. Flitwick who obviously has no idea how to handle this. Oddly I'm not sure I take Snape's reaction as COMPLETE indifference, though Snape's a terrible and unsympathetic teacher. I suppose I'm used to him being outright HORRID if he doesn't like someone; mild indifference is practically affection from him. But he can't have a vested opinion in every student.

ANYWAY. Good stuff. The descent into darkness begins!

Author's Response: Going in reverse chronological order because I am a rebel! THANK YOU FOR THIS REVIEW FLURRY :D You have made my day!

Oh man, coming up with fake magical academia, or just generally having scholarly discussions was SO MUCH FUN.

One of the most exciting things about having this ensemble cast is seeing how different readers have their favorites! I really enjoyed making each of these characters, and it's amazing to see how they resonate with people!

And yes, her self esteem issues are particularly upsetting for me for incredibly superficial reasons. I just happen to think that her faceclaim (Kat Dennings) is THE PRETTIEST PERSON EVER ZOMG. It would be a TRAGEDY if Dennings ever lost her curves!

Yes about Flitwick! Ah! Your analysis is so on-point! I definitely don't have any bad feelings about Flitwick, but yes--he just doesn't really know how to handle them, and his sort of style just doesn't gel very well with them.

Isobel definitely sort of internalizes the problems that are around her. She tries so hard to stay in control, and definitely can't see that she's actually LOSING control to her eating disorder :(

[Also, so stoked that you found that scene 'horrific!' I rewrote it SO MANY TIMES to get the tone down!]

EE! I'm so glad you like these little different POVs of people! I never wanted to get too far off the reservation with any of them, or go OOC, but it was fun playing with whatever wiggle-room there was around more minor characters!

And you are SO SPOT ON about Snape! Yes, 'indifference' here is most definitely a calculated and intentional kindness! (There's so much dramatic irony available for writing Snape circa 1991).

BLARGH, thank you sososososo much for these amazing reviews!

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Review #36, by SlideYear Five: Troll in the Dungeons!

19th December 2014:
Oh, Tristan. It's the date of your birthday, be a little more chirpy. He's so SOULFUL (by which I mean, such a moody teenager). Bless. He and Laurel got 'stuck' there to drink all of the booze? Not their smartest move ever. Sounds like they paid for it if he had a multi-day hangover. Of course, no lessons learnt. Or, no good ones. As it should be.

I cannot believe that all other Slytherins are not worth Tristan's time. No doubt there's a whole slew of odious personalities, but I'd be confident half of this is Tristan refusing to give individuals chances. If he can give Oliver Wood the wrong impression, no doubt his moods can drive other Slytherins away. Poor fellow and his self-loathing.

Laurel has to have started self-spelling or something else equally unsuitable. There's no way she's just suddenly skipped off the habit without the others picking up on it. I do appreciate their rather innocent ignorance, leaving her kind of alone to her bad habits from not realising how bad it really is/could become. It's realistic without painting them as utterly irresponsible.

I had just been pondering the Auguamenti issue about it and him using it to hydrate them in the room and conjuring food. I'd absently assumed it to just be... well, non-nutritional water, a kind of empty substance which one could consume but which wouldn't actually sustain the body. And here Tristan demonstrates he's got a perfectly good brain when he finds where he wants to apply it, but isn't going to recognise this as a valued trait in himself.

"Free Time, and Also: Animals." I love it.

Oh, TRISTAN. I want to shake him and also hug him. A tremendously apt display of how anything can be twisted into a negative with depression.

I SEE. Tristan's in on what Laurel's doing these days? I look back and realise that Isobel and Emily, earlier, were doing the theorising while he remained judiciously silent. I'm still feeling there's more of this to sniff out, though. Crisis is looming, and if Laurel crashes while doing something Tristan's keeping schtum on, this isn't going to help HIM, either. There'll be tears before bedtime...

Isobel continues to earn favourite points from me for assessing the troll situation and de-charming her friends in a crisis. Smart cookie.

Oh, I see the 'more to sniff out' is that this new charming is making her need to charm EVEN MORE - Bloody hell. Nothing good can come of this.

...Isobel gives Hermione hair-care advice and is NOW CEMENTED AS MY FAVOURITE. Sure, doom and gloom is coming, but that girl rocks. Good stuff!

Author's Response: Tristan is the actual MOODIEST. There are times I want very badly to slap him. And no, no lessons learned EVER (because of course they're like totes immortal and everything).

You are so right about Slytherins! But that's the thing--Tristan really IS a Slytherin, albeit the traits manifest differently than they do in someone like Draco. The tendency to pre-judge people is a long established fault many Slytherin's share, so ironically, Tristan is prejudiced against SLYTHERINS. I'm certain there's a few good ones wandering around, he just refuses to give them the time of day.

I'm so so so glad you dig that whole thing of their being a little ignorant, and arguably yet REASONABLY irresponsible. I definitely wanted the characters to be realistic, and flawed, and TEENAGERS--but I hoped they would still be sympathetic and likable too!

Tristan is definitely very clever and very talented, but as his professors would say, doesn't 'apply himself.' [I suspect the water issue has something to do with it being inorganic? Or maybe it isn't really making water out of nothing, but like, pulling water vapor out of the air???]

Your analysis of Tristan (and desire to both shake and hug) are tremendously on point :)


Oh man, I am a survivor of Hermione Hair. It took until I was about 15 to figure out NEVER BRUSH IT DRY! It's a one-way ticket to puffy-town!

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Review #37, by SlideYear Five: Behind the Mirror

19th December 2014:
The Last Good Day - yeah, I was feeling like we've kind of finished our Ordinary World, now it's time to start ruining everything with all of the setup in place!

Fred and George, I love you. You write them well; sometimes it's so easy to get them being a bit too... creepily prescient in terms of finishing each others' sentences. But this feels like a natural banter and routine than anything else.

Laurel... you are absent for a reason. I HAVE MY EYE ON YOU. Spellotaping a note to her head sounds like what friends do.'s what I'd do. Okay, even though she shows up later, missing something as significant as the birthday cocktails is not irrelevant. And nobody really reacts to it; they should, but they're clearly too jaded by now. But her not using any charms at the party is WEIRD.

Transfiguring rocks for decoration and furniture... this makes sense. There are times Potterverse's magic makes the whole rest of the world, and economics, make no sense! Oliver Wood being a good dancer is pretty amazing. Having a great dance with Isobel is even more excellently fun.

I take back what I said about the twins and their weird synchronising - kidding. This is what happens when you give 13-14 year-olds booze, people! Let that be a lesson to you! And I can't fault the Hufflepuff password logic, which upsets me.

I really enjoy this chapter, there's just not a huge amount to say about it! The party's well-written - parties can be a pain to get the atmosphere of, young characters doing silly dancing and drinking and all that flows naturally, when it can be hard to get such an essentially physical kind of environment down in prose without it being clunky. Tristan and Emily are clearly getting closer, though it's hard to gauge what's 'progress' and what's just how it's always been, when we're coming to these characters several years into their relationships. Perhaps she's always been this overt. Perhaps he's always been this clueless. BOYS.

Ah well, Onward, to Torment and Angst, I'm sure!

Author's Response: Oh yes--there's only so long they can keep going as they are.

I was so intimidated to write the Twins! Luckily, because I love them so much, it's like KNOWING someone--they very much wrote themselves!

Your reviews make me giggle out loud a LOT :D So all has been revealed to you already about Laurel, but I'm really happy to see that you had those reactions at this point! (And liked the spellotaping bit--I was particularly proud of that, though it hadn't gotten any comments before)

Bahahaha--I so nearly didn't write that dance-off, and then felt like, SCREW IT I AM WRITING A MICHAEL JACKSON DANCE OFF. (Plus, I wanted to redeem Wood a little. Like, 'sorry I made you such an aggressive prat before. Here's some sweet dance moves to make up for it!')

Synchronised puking, bahahahaha. SORRYNOTSORRY. Gosh this is a self-indulgent chapter... Like keeping the Hufflepuff password joke even though it broke pottermore canon.

I don't usually listen to music when I write, but ended up making a playlist to get into the mood of this chapter. I'm so glad you think the whole tone and writing and all came off!

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Review #38, by SlideYear Five: Three Times Charmed

19th December 2014:
Somehow you've done the 'character looks at themself in a mirror' excuse to do a full description and made it work. I think it works cos you're combining it with 'action' of her getting ready, which stops it from being info-dumpy, but kudos! Much amusement at labouring over the issue of spots. Teenagers. Also much love for poor Isobel with her weight woes, and I rather appreciate that she cares about her looks and her grades.

Oh, Laurel. Counting down the days to your inevitable disaster. Ha, good for you, Tristan's old love life. Angelina's awesome.

The character assessments going on here are great. They're painting further pictures and yet are very much through Isobel's eyes. And she, while probably the most attentive and logical (by my reading) of the foursome, is also STILL a teenaged girl, with all of the biases and attitudes therein. It makes her flawed but not demonised, and you can kind of see the sort of person she'll grow up to be once the veneer of teenagerness is over. As such, I'm reserving judgement on if she's JEALOUS of Emily and Tristan, or if she's simply being a bit of a snobby, judgemental teenager.

Enjoyed the segment on Tristan changing his tune re: Filch, and Isobel's frustration with his attitudes. Very realistic. Young people indignant about things they should care about but also being undiplomatic! More apathetic friends not enjoying being told they're wrong for not caring!

Oh my God, the high antics of Laurel and Isobel are giving me life. Doilies are hilarious. ...socks knitted with plugs. That - I can see that. Never occurred to me before. I'm kind of upset by how much sense this makes. Just, this whole segment has got me ugly giggling.

TAPES. This is such a period drama. And Blondie.

I am going to run on the theory that Quirrel likes Isobel because she is justifying his inner evil.

Fun chapter! A really good one for the girls, especially, in terms of teenaged girl dynamics, mentalities, and friendships.

Author's Response: Bahaha, yes, totally guilty of mirror description! I'm glad you think I was able to get away with it!

And yes--there's a real coolness to Angelina (I mean, she ends up with GEORGE), so she seemed an obvious choice for a former fancy!

Eee! Rotating POVs is SO FUN because they do see things differently (and then since this is FAN FICTION, I can also toggle with all of the preexisting knowledge readers have!) As for the Emily+Tristan thing, there's definitely a mix of factors at play.

Isobel's definitely something of a sheltered pure-blood, with a decently liberal family. The sort of people who think Death Eaters are awful, but still far from social justice warriors. She's definitely complacent (I mean, she assumes Voldemort is dead after all, and that the worst is already behind them).

Those antics were SO fun to write! I'm so glad you enjoyed reading them. And yes, TAPES. This story is very 'hey look, the 90s!!'

I feel like Quirrel's reasons for aligning with Voldy had a lot to do with a desire for knowledge/being attracted to the power available in dark arts. So yeah, his liking of her is definitely motivated in part by his the opportunity for self justifications.

Yee, I'm so stoked on settling in and replying to these reviews! BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER THANK YOU!

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Review #39, by SlideYear Five: Loose Lips

26th October 2014:
Huzzah, a Tristan chapter. Looking forward to seeing him in his school environment. Though Isobel is fast becoming my favourite; I do love the snarky-stoic ones. I regret never writing more Sir Cadogan in my fics. Or any at all. Poor Tristan, with his stoned consideration of a portrait's life.

I love Tristan's ruminations on the perspective of wizard-Muggle relations, though. It's so true that most magic users, even if they're being kind to Muggles, treat them in a kind of indulgent manner, like cute pets. I've often assumed Muggle Studies at Hogwarts to fill a similar ground, though we have NO examples of canon, and considering Charity Burbage died for her job it's nice to think that she is actually teaching her students about proper Muggle society and history.

Ha, yes. All jobs connect to government in the wizarding world. With some exceptions, but it's the majority of what we see. Isobel's goals are curious, and I wonder what it's stemming from. But obviously magical theory is heavily western-based (with the root words of most spells being Latin, or Anglo-Saxon, or Greek).

Poor Wood. Though imagine knowing someone like Wood and NOT caring about Gryffindor Quidditch. You'd go absolutely spare. Though I like that this scene, while casting Gryffindors in the imperfect light, doesn't make Tristan seem like a poor, innocent Slytherin. Aw, I was afraid Sprout was being anti-Slytherin, but it's sweet that she'd be looking out for people - and would make perfect sense for the Hufflepuff head.

Okay, I take back my comments on Wood. Admittedly I can see why he'd view Tristan that way, but his slight on Emily loses my sympathy. Sigh. Silly teenaged boys.

And more layers on Laurel. She is quite the mysterious one of the bunch, hmm? I note not just her motherly issues, but the 'Ms' on her mother, which is... telling. Also, I totally reckon most of the rest of the Houses would be utterly sick of Gryffindor. Love 'em, but they are so bloody overbearing. Still! It's 'nuanced' teenager hijinks, as neither side is the absolute victim here, and both have precipitated this conflict. I like it.

'Brycey.' Poor Tristan. That's, like, the worst punishment ever. Oh-ho, not even half-blood! Good for him. Also that makes a lot more sense, a Muggleborn marrying a Muggle; not everyone would want to give up their entire Muggle upbringing to be so completely immersed in the magical world as it tends to demand Muggleborns become.

I like these end notes of little factoids not in the prose! It would be clunky to exposit about wand-types for more than one person, but *I* care, anyway! :D

Author's Response: Oh man, portraits! What a can of worms! I couldn't not throw in some examination there ;)

I definitely wrote this story at a time when I was deep into studying colonialism, racial constructions, prejudice, etc - so that's a thing! Definitely wanted to point out the paternalism even in Good Wizards.

And a LOT of this story is inspired by the fact that Rowling came up with the idea of Harry all at once, when he was an adult, and then reverse engineered him to create the story. So in a very real way, the entire wizarding world revolves around Harry, since she designed it to suit his story. I was interested in how it might affect different people, who don't quite fit. (Tristan is very much my Anti-Potter - kind of like a mirror image, in some ways identical, but inverted).

Isobel is of mixed ancestry (English and Egyptian Arab - her uncle is Hassan Mostafa from GoF), so she definitely gets ruffled by Western bias.

Tristan is definitely a flawed person, and hardly in the right in that situation - just lashed out. In the conflict between Wood and Tristan, my sympathy lies with the geranium.

Heehee, I'm a Gryffindor myself, so I figured I could get away with showing how some of their characteristics could be obnoxious. (And as Rowling suggested in PS, there's rather a fine line between Brave and Stupid).

"Reluctant Slytherin" was such an exciting idea to me! I'm so glad you like! (And I dunno if it totally came across, but his mum is Mary MacDonald from Snape's DH memories!)

And I'm so glad you like all my little end notes! I did like, an embarrassing amount of research for this story, and not all of it ended up in the story explicitly, but I couldn't resist sharing certain things! And the Pottermore thing about Ebony wands was just TOO PERFECT!!!

Yee, I am SO STOKED on this swap! Thank you so much for your amazing reviews! I'm gonna have to ramp up my review game :D

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Review #40, by SlideYear Five: Some Sacred Questions, Some Marijuana

26th October 2014:
Right, here for more. And this story is so far proving just as much fun as the hype has led me to believe, so this is an absolute pleasure of a review exchange! If I'm being slow, it's because... well, I could plough through reading, but stories like this I want to sit down and Properly Review. If my incoherent 'thoughts as I read' ramblings count as Proper.

Ooh, wand lore. I've got way more into that since I found the Pottermore info.

It's got to be hard, having friends across Houses. There's not much indication of social spaces outside of common rooms, and not much (if any) indication of mingling at mealtimes. I'm guessing at this stage that Emily, for all her being alone, has an easier time than Tristan of having friendly acquaintances in her house and roommates.

OH he's a Slytherin. For some reason I didn't see that coming, I don't know why. A half-blood in Slytherin? I have all the more affection for him now.

Weasleys being an institution at Hogwarts, generation by generation, must be so true. You can just imagine the teachers' faces, at least between canon generation and Next Gen, of, 'It's that time again. I bellow "Weasley" down the corridor and ten students turn their heads, each of them equally guilty of SOMETHING.'

Curiosity on Tristan having some clue about Neville, but now I'm too busy melting over the story of Emily's first evening. I can totally see Tonks being that kind of superb protector of Hufflepuffs, the assertive kind of loyal - the woman was an Auror, after all - but we know she loved making people laugh. And the Dumbledore bit is heartening; I love deconstructing Dumbledore but for all his flaws, he clearly cared so very deeply for the students, and little gestures like that are so perfectly in-character. I have all the squee for this tale.

There's something ridiculously apt about introducing us readers to Emily smoking by having her break her own rule about never smoking alone. Limited access to cigarettes would really only stop kids from smoking so much at Hogwarts anyway.

I can see people using owls even in school. E-mail before e-mail. Huzzah for Muggle literature on top of Muggle music (and trolling uptight Slytherins)! Though... Emily asks a good question with regards to the Slytherin common room and owls.

...I should not have snort-laughed at Laurel's guess of Tristan's middle name. Oh, you irreverent, horrid teenagers.

Okay, Hufflepuffs being more open with their seats in casual dinners makes the most sense. I couldn't see the other Houses being as open to it; even Gryffindors are kind of proudly territorial. I just realised there are NO Gryffindors in your protagonist line-up - I approve! The other Houses need love, too (especially non-evil, differently-angsty Slytherins).

I sense long-term problems with Laurel and Cheering Charms.

Oh SNAPE. You typical, horrid, hilariously predictable man. I'm curious as to why he's protective of Tristan - protective of a fellow Half-Blood? - but being horrendous to Hufflepuffs and then Emily being safe *presumably* because she helps Tristan do well tickles me in that way wot it shouldn't.

Yipes, Blur were around back in 1991? Nirvana are pretty much essential for canon-era Potter stories which have any consideration for music, especially with, as you say, angsty teenagers. I thought it added colour (even though I'm no expert on the errata of early-90s rock), though it helps that I at least recognised all the names, even if I couldn't necessarily name a song from any of them.

Avoidance of paradox by contradicting yourself as much as JK is a pretty much genius way of dealing with the problem, though I entirely get the stance of recycling extant minor characters in the wizarding world wherever possible.

I'm really enjoying taking each of your protagonists at a time; it's doing a good job of fleshing them all out. Of course we learn more about the POV character at the time, but seeing the other characters through someone else's eyes also helps a great deal. I'm looking forward to the due Laurel chapter, partly because she's the one I've got the least grasp of yet, but this chapter did a very good job of solidifying Emily. Excellently fun chapter, loving how the introduction of extant characters and dynamics is being weaved together. It's blasted hard to do versus just writing all of your characters meeting. I like, very much!

Author's Response: I was SOOO stoked to find all these wand types for my characters!!! They work SO WELL! And crazily, my first instinct for everyone tended to be the exact right one (because obv Rowling was going on the same associations I was). I checked out other types just to check, but then my first choices fit best :)

Yes this story was VERY much about examining all the things conspicuously absent in Potter, cross house fraternization being one.

YEE, I'm so glad the Slytherin reveal came as I surprise! I really wanted it to be a shock moment with impact, but then also make sense :)

Oh my gosh, that quote you just wrote about Weasleys is BRILLIANT! I sort of want to write a NextGen now from the perspective of McGonnagall!

Heehee, curiosity overwhelmed by melting was the definite goal there :D Also, I liked the idea that Neville's Sorting was more of a significant moment than Harry's (META).

Hufflepuffs definitely don't get enough love, and Hufflepuff is my FAVORITE house, so I really wanted to show its awesomeness (and Tonks was an excellent way to do that!) And then, Dumbledore had this really important relationship with Harry, and is also nearly an omniscient person (which we can explain through magic). I wanted to suggest that he has important and meaningful relationships with ALL his students, to varying degrees, and cares about their well being also.

Yeah, everyone has cigarette rules when they start, and EVERYONE breaks them eventually :(

Haha - getting owls at Slytherin. Basically, since it's under the lake, I realized it was a hole in the story. Instead of closing said hole, I just drew attention to it, and then it's sort of a joke that I never explain HOW. *Waves hands* MAGIC!

Oh yes, the middle name thing. I wrote that at a time when I'd been having Important Conversations with my friends about whether or not it was ever possible to make a rape joke that was OK. This was my attempt.

Yeah, I didn't include any Gryffindors because I thought they got enough play in canon, and really wanted to examine the other houses :)

So, I LOVE Snape. From a literary perspective, he's my FAVORITE character. BUT, I remember when I was 9, and I first read HP, and how much he DROVE ME CRAZY. So I really tried to channel that angst here, and write Frustrating!Snape.

Oh yeah! The books thing. So like, no one in Potter ever read a NOVEL. Literature never even got MENTIONED. Had to fix that!

I definitely wanted to write music in such a way that people didn't really have to know the bands for the point to come across. I definitely didn't want to do a self-indulgent LOOK AT THE MUSIC I LIKE thing, and so I tried to focus on what was era appropriate, and suited the characters. (Although, for those that are familiar, sometimes there is FORESHADOWING in the music! But it's just a nice extra, and not important to know) (Also, researching 90s music, DUDE, Pulp is SO OLD. They've been around since FOREVER). OH, and I got the idea for this around the time I was reading the Phonomancer comics, which are about the 90s music scene in England, and also music being magic.

Laurel's POV is very intentionally excluded until the second act, because I really wanted to kind of build up everyone else's perspectives on her. And yee! I'm so glad your liking how I develop things through different POVs! There's like, THEMES about that that emerge later. (I started writing this after reading the Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas by Gertrude Stein, and got all stoked on the idea of Literary Cubism :D) [MY FANFIC IS VERY PRETENTIOUS]

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Review #41, by SlideYear Five: The Hex Head Express

23rd October 2014:
Huzzah, more protagonists! I have read so many depictions of the departure of the Hogwarts Express, but it must always be *chaotic* and this captures such deliciously so. Poor prefects.

'Had a charm'. Ah, we're getting into our magical abuse early, I see! Nothing good could come of teaching young kids Cheering Charms, really, could it. And it makes sense you couldn't cast such a spell on youself. I sense Isobel may be more of the straight man of this group, not to mention seeming more insightful than the others so far. I always have sympathy for such figures.

A short, sharp, but distinct description on Laurel. Effective.

I forgot to mention in the previous review (this is what happens when I don't review as I read, but I got a bit sucked in), but I'm liking the references to our 90s Muggle bands. Potter's becoming more of a period piece, huh? I enjoy it when characters like Tristan are used as links to Muggle culture, it helps stories feel more grounded in reality. Y'know, alongside all that -magic-. Poor Muggle music-lovers, stranded at Hogwarts without the chance to listen.

Laughs for Isobel trying to be introspective and clever but being too stoned to succeed. 'Hex Head' is a good and apt name! And now I feel sorry for Percy, having to contend with this Cheerful Band, but it's always good to see the twins and they're spot on. Good-hearted, but I can see them wanting to burst around with the news about Harry.

Hooray for cross-House friendships, not enough of those around. And an effective exposition of character appearance and mentality by contrasting their behaviour when it comes to getting changed.

D'aw, poor Tristan. I forgot to say last chapter that I really liked the gut-stab of, 'Does it count if she doesn't remember it.' The woes and perils of a teenaged boy, amplified by the woes and perils of, well, mixing magic and Muggles. And this scene of them talking is doing good work in further defining the group dynamics.

Oh God, little Hermione. Oh, the Toad was Trevor - I did not twig that. *facepalm* How long did she spend on that hunt? Girly gossip against Penelope has oddly pleased me. It's fun to see the petty side of teenagers, especially amongst the protagonists.

...the twins got Arthur high. *dusts off hands* I'm done. Nothing will ever top that.

...alright, I'm back again. Eyyy, Hufflepuff stoner jokes. And now I'm sad because of Tonks. It's still always cool to be reminded of her life outside of canon; of all such characters, she's the one I envision having had a full, vivacious life.

Ah, JK and maths. I feel you. I tend to just hand-wave it myself; I only ever develop around 40 students per year ('develop' can just include 'name') and assume the rest are all background filler. They're there, they're just silent extras. Though it would change the dynamic; 150 students a year means there'd be people in your own year you'd only know by name and sight, while with 40 you'd probably have a pretty good idea who everyone was. I admit, things like the '1000 students' leads me personally to believe the magical world is bigger than JK presents it to be.

Loved the adventures on Trevor the Toad. But then I'm a real sucker for works which go alongside canon and address tiny things like that in passing. It's fun, and it makes everything feel connected. I'm really enjoying this story! The characters are starting to come together as a collective, I'm liking the obvious fun and flaws of them, and I adore good OC-centric Hogwarts fics. Honestly, this is making me want to go back and edit and spruce up a lot of my old work because you're really hitting the nail on the head in making Hogwarts feel inhabited by *teenagers*. I shall trot on with this in time! Good work.

Author's Response: Hello!

Yes, the CAN OF WORMS that is cheering charms gets more pronounced the more you think about it! And Harry learned them in third year! DO NOT TEACH 13-14 YEAR OLDS MIND ALTERING SPELLS!

My faceclaim for Laurel is a young Chloe Sevigny (confirmed beautiful), but young people can be judgmental. I definitely stared at photos of her trying to think of critical things to say.

YEE! Underlining the era was something I really wanted to do here, because the films were set in ambiguously 'present day.' I think that was a mistake, because casual movie-goers ended up calling plot holes on things that aren't (how can they keep all this stuff secret with twitter and camera phones around???)

And yes! Having to spend months on end without your favorite music, AS A TEENAGER, must be excruciating!

I'm especially proud of the term Hex Head :D

And the twins TOTALLY WOULD, amiright?!?! That idea was particularly delicious to me, as I'd imagine Arthur thinking of it as some muggle curio, not really understanding the implications ;)

GUH, I know what you mean about Tonks D: When I realized they would have overlapped with her at Hogwarts, I definitely wanted to give her a presence!

Based on actual canon, Hogwarts would have just under 300 students. I'm basically working with that number (or less). But whatever, magic. I kind of liked thinking of the magic population as being SUPER TINY. That's why I gave every single OC in this story some sort of connection to a canon character.

That you think this fits alongside canon, and feels properly Teenagerly, is huge praise! Those were basically my goals in this story! I figure that every school has its 'smoking under the bleachers' clique - even Hogwarts!!!

Thank you so much for the reviews! I am SO HAPPY about this pairing :) I ended up staying up WAY too late last night reading Ignite, but will definitely go back and review all the chapters!


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Review #42, by SlideYear Five: Prologue (1991): Dozens of Little Televisions

22nd October 2014:
Here for the Gryffindor review exchange, though I'm not going to lie, this was on my reading list for a good long time. And I'm glad I've got the excuse/prompt to start!

This is an excellent opener. An excellent introduction to Tristan as a character, and an excellent dangling string to make me want to know more. Families are often left by the wayside in stories, so I'm glad to see that's not the case for at least one character. Even if we never see more of his parents as the story goes to Hogwarts, seeing just a glimpse of them rounds out this glimpse of Tristan. Muggles married to wizards would be relationships with their complexities, also hinted at!

From a more technical perspective, it's a well-written piece. An evocative delivery of Sophie's environments, mentally and physically as we move from her reflections to Tristan's room to the rest of the house. The slow-boiling move from the very mundane issues of a teenager to the increasingly magical environment slides in the fantasy layer by layer. And boy, while the resolution was inevitable, I felt sorry for poor Sophie. Another Muggle a 'victim' of the wizarding world's need to protect itself.

Plus, the inevitable: teenagers acting like teenagers. Sex, drugs, rock and roll. Always refreshing to read about in the somewhat-twee environment of Hogwarts. Love it to bits, but the Potterverse teens act only occasionally like teenagers. Even in my own writing of OCs at Hogwarts, I don't embrace my mad-cap teenaged years as much as I should have, so kudos!

This might happen piece-by-piece over the next week plus, but I will definitely be cracking on with more reviews! Good work!

Author's Response: YEE! Thank you!

Yes, the details of a mixed muggle and wizarding household were such an interesting idea to me, and something we didn't get the chance to see much of in canon. I'm glad you like the family stuff as much as I do!

I really like your interpretation of Sophie as 'victim.' I was really interested in the ways that the wizarding world could create unique difficulties for teenagers. And just realistically, this sort of thing MUST happen from time to time (raging hormones: the largest threat to the statute of secrecy).

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll is basically what this whole story is about! They were the three things conspicuously absent from canon, and I super wanted to see how they play out in a magical context! I figure that these things could have been going down in the periphery at Hogwarts, and Harry and co. were just too distracted fighting evil to ever participate.

I am so stoked about this pairing! I've been meaning to read Ignite for AGES, and I've fallen in love!


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Review #43, by SlideThe Last Snowy Feather: Biding Her A Silent Farewell

29th September 2014:
Here for the review exchange! And just from the summary I suspect this is going to upset me.

Not much in the book was made of Hedwig's death, which is sad because it was the first, shocking gut-punch of the story. It's good to see an analysis of Harry's feelings on the subject, as they were skimmed over very much in the books.

So I like that this is picking it up after it's all over, after Harry can stop and reflect on what's been, and realises that he misses her. I like the idea he found the feather after going through his stuff, or the like, and was just hit with this grief. It's natural, because Hedwig was all the things this story addresses - his tether to the world, as well as his first friend, even on top of being a beloved pet (which is still important!). So, the story handles Harry's grief very effectively and believably.

Hermione's role in the story works. I took a canon-reading of this by default, viewing this as them being just friends, and it didn't jar at all. It's entirely believable that Hermione would be the one to get why Harry's upset, and to be able to come up with something magical which would make him feel better. It's a nice way to say goodbye, and with all the two have been through, it's apt for them to say goodbye to Hedwig together.

So, I really enjoyed this! Short but sweet and tackled something I hadn't consciously realised was lacking in canon, which I always like to see in a story. From a technical perspective, my only comment would be that your prose can get a bit wordy, describing every little physical movement or tone of voice more than is strictly necessary. Have faith in your dialogue! It does a good job communicating what it needs to; don't worry too much about every tiny detail. This is something I've struggled with in my writing, too; trust your simple descriptions to convey what you want. The pieces you need are in place, just take a hatchet to excess words, is my advice (see, even this review section gets wordy, I can't judge).

Nevertheless, this was a very sweet piece, and one I enjoyed a lot. Both as a reflection of Harry's feelings on losing Hedwig, and what she meant to him, and as a snapshot of the understanding relationship between Harry and Hermione. Good work!

- Slide

Author's Response: Hi!

Yeah, it is sad that in the books, Harry didn't really had the opportunity to mourn over really those who've died. It was something I wanted to see... at least at the ending of the book - after Harry defeated Voldemort. I think it'd have made a better epilogue had Rowling wrote about maybe Harry reminiscing the past... what he lost... then a straight-forward 19 year happy-ever after. Not that I hated the ending. I just expected different that's all.

Aw, yeah... I don't know why I can't write what I imagine properly. I know when I be sounding confusing in my writing, and just at those times, I can't think of anything that would sound better when I want to replace it. I will try to be careful of how I word things.

I am glad too that you enjoyed this overall, and I want to thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

- Asphodel

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Review #44, by SlideJigsaw: Piece #2

11th September 2014:
I have been meaning to sit down and get to this. So! Sitting down.

This chapter starts with a good use of the present tense (proving my dubiousness kind of wrong), dumping us into the moment with an immediacy which helps set the scene. It's a good job painting the picture of the environment, and I certainly got a sense of creeping isolation which is starting to apply to Roxanne, too. She's out in the middle of nowhere, starting her own story on her own.

Ooh, Daniel's a Hit Wizard. So, reckoning whatever went down between them might have been conflict of law enforcement vs press. Or there WILL be such a conflict. That's my current bet.

I love stories dealing with the press because there's such an ambiguity to their work. The truth, but at what cost when it comes to legality, to privacy, to fairness? Those ideas are being seeded, and good on Roxanne for wanting the opportunity. I like that she's hungry for a chance, it's very realistic.

Richard's painted well as a character from the get-go. A less-than-attractive trait like yellow teeth makes him all the more real in a matter of sentences, and then the personal details keep him interesting. It's kind of nice that I can't tell if he'll be a regular character you're building up, or if he's just a part of the wider world who we'll move on from; either way it feels natural.

Martha Mockridge. ANOTHER good wizard name. And I like the tidbit about the Prophet now being fully independent; just a nice bit of world-development. That and the existence of wizarding press other than the Prophet itself or the Quibbler, entirely believable.

Seems Roxanne's question has stumbled on something; Mockridge's 'no comment' screamed, 'yes,' especially shutting down the questions afterwards. Good fact exposition of what's happened without getting clunky, too.

Ahaha, Daniel is here. Less analysis from me, more popcorn. He's all softening to see her, now he's getting protective, now he's giving a warning. Hm, he wouldn't give a warning if something weren't up, just as Hit Wizards wouldn't be here if it were nothing. But I like that her wishful thinking starts to interpret him as wanting something BETTER for her, it's a believable sort of misunderstanding.

Good second chapter! I feel we're getting more of a grasp of Roxanne and you didn't waste time progressing with the plot after the last chapter did a good job of introduction. Plus, pulling back more of the layers of Roxanne, her personality, her life, is always more interesting. I look forward to more!

Author's Response: Hi again!

I'm really happy that you think the present tense is still working, and that it's kind of doing what I intended it to here, throwing the reader into the action with Roxanne as she starts on her first story.

Hmm, those are interesting theories about Daniel! I can't confirm anything of course, but I think you might have some good ideas there!

The ambiguity around the press here is something really interesting for me to explore, because Roxy's so driven and wants to make it as a journalist, but at the same time she's not had as much exposure to these high profile stories which really call into question the ethical/moral side of what she does.

Richard was one of those characters who came to life and kind of wrote himself into this chapter, when I wasn't intending him to be more than a passing mention originally. It's great that he feels real, and you'll be seeing more of him in the future, although in what capacity, I couldn't possibly say.

The wizarding names have been so fun for me to try and come up with, and I'm glad you like Martha Mockridge's name! The world development has been fun to write, as well as the question session. You might be onto something with Mockridge's response...

I'm glad that you liked Daniel's appearance at the end of this chapter - I really like reading your theories about what has happened between them and this encounter at the end too. Thank you so much for these reviews, they've put a massive smile on my face!

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Review #45, by SlideJigsaw: Piece #1

3rd September 2014:
Here for the swap! And you left me such a lovely review I better make this a good 'un.

First up, it's a good opening. Lots of questions to ask. Who is he? Why is he thankful he's alone? Why 'for once', who's normally there? His shaking hands raise questions (and certain theories) as to what he's 'lacking'. Some stories start with action and some start with atmosphere; while there's action here, this one's way more about mystery. The Imperius gives it a nice, Serious sort of feel amongst the mundanity of tea-drinking and Mysterious visitors, but I'm feeling there are nice clues here which will make sense in time. I'm a sucker for mysteries.

And then to our intrepid lead. I must confess out of the gate: I'm not a huge fan of the present tense for storytelling, *generally*. I'd be curious as to why you're using it - but I know it can work well for mysteries, as then the narrator is learning facts at the same rate as the audience. And, rest assured - as I got into the story I just got into the flow, the tense wasn't a problem for me At All.

Our introduction to Roxanne and her Ordinary World is effective. The scene is set for the Prophet office nicely, a good drawing on all of the senses to give us her environment. Violet Toots (great name) is introduced perfectly - it takes a certain kind of lady to wear orange fingernail polish, and I enjoy how Roxanne is introduced kind of in contrast to her. Roxanne makes Violet talk about herself more, dodges questions, which makes me think of Roxanne already as pretty canny, good with people, and underestimated. And boy, do I feel sorry for Roxanne. Rotten, entry-level stories indeed. A rivalry with an unpleasant person who seems to have rocketed up the career ladder far faster.

I totally agree that wizarding society would have to start catching up with Muggle technology. With recent developments, I think it makes no sense that wizards would remain LESS capable than Muggles at communication. Either adopting and adapting that tech or finding purely magical ways to get the equivalent of a mobile phone make perfect sense. You may find in my reviews I'm easily distracted by little world-building nuggets like that, but I like it! It makes sense! Which leads us right into wizarding locations in London NOT in Diagon Alley, of which I also infinitely approve. Love the off-the-beaten-track feel of the Grindylow.

I shake my fist at you for putting clues at Mysterious Family Problems. Even if I do this myself to readers! Trouble with Fred! Trouble via proxy with James! I want to know all the secrets. And it always makes me sad to see George struggling throughout his life with his twin's death. It makes perfect sense, and perfect sense it would impact his marriage, and it's realistic - but sad.

So it seemed Roxanne dodged Violet's question about her love life for a reason more specific than just not wanting Violet to know personal things! I'm enjoying these little clues of Roxanne's life; I'm always a fan of stories which throw me into them and then tug away the layers as the story continues, revealing the personal alongside the plot. The relationship with Jane is well-crafted; you establish early on their strong connection and their rapport, the lives they're in as struggling young twenty-somethings. It's believable and very real while remaining rooted in the magical world.

And then Higgins comes along with our Call to Adventure (I'm feeling very Monomyth today), no doubt to link back up to prelude. So this was all setup, Ordinary World, but I enjoyed it greatly. You do a fine job of introducing Roxanne and her life, professional and personal, and it's full of conflicts and ups and downs which still feel believable, relatable, and compelling. You give the audience a taste, and dangle the threads to leave them wanting more. And I want more! Especially the family woes. I'm a sucker for family conflict.

I shall crack on with the second chapter, as this was plenty of fun, though I may sleep on it first. Glad I finally got around to this!

Author's Response: Hi Cathy! Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this amazing review, it's kind of intimidating to respond to something like this from someone who's such a fantastic writer!

I'm really pleased you liked the opening and thought that I built up the mystery there and had you asking questions about what was happening. I can tell you've already picked up on some of the hints that I was leaving, so I hope that I won't disappoint you with the way that it works out!

To be honest, the narrative voice used for this story changed completely from the first time I wrote it. It started off in third person, past tense, so the switch to first person and present was quite a big one - a lot of it stemmed from the fact that the story didn't feel like it was flowing when I wrote it the first way, and also because I like the immediacy of present tense. Hopefully that makes sense, and I'm glad you felt that it didn't detract from the narrative!

I'm really happy you liked the introduction to Roxanne and her ordinary life, before the mystery starts properly. I was worried that people would find it a bit boring, but at the same time I want to give people an insight into what her life is like - the dynamics at the Prophet alone are interesting, with the other workers there and the fact that she's so frustrated with getting all the rubbish stories instead of anything exciting.

I'm not going to complain about you noticing the world-building details :P I'm happy you find the mobile phones believable as I know a few people absolutely hate the idea, although I do think they'd start progressing a bit by this point! And the Grindylow was so much fun to write about, I really like including settings that aren't just in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade!

Haha yes, Mysterious Family Problems - that's a good name for it! And there are definitely plenty of clues about Roxy's life in this chapter, so it's great that you can pick up on all of those things. Jane's one of my favourite characters in this, and their friendship is so fun to write - plus, it was important to me to write characters who don't have everything going perfectly for them at this age, because in my experience there aren't many people in their early twenties who have everything sorted!

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this first chapter, and thank you so much for a brilliant review - it means a lot, especially coming from a writing like you!

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Review #46, by SlideSunshine: Hero

19th August 2014:
Here for our noble House's review swap! Yay, Neville. Who doesn't love Neville?

The beginning here's effective; starting with dialogue and then attaching the sounds around the voices, adding details on the speakers - then the environment. The story feels like it starts out of focus and then builds up more and more detail. Which puts us rather neatly, I think, into Neville's headspace. He's shocked. Exultant. Numb. And then reality rushes in.

Needless to say, I like it.

I'm always a sucker for people feeling loss in victory when that means a turning point in their life. The bittersweetness is a human, natural, and conflicting thing, as is the guilt over the apprehension.

It's all too easy to write a hero being bashful or self-effacing, and it's even easier to imagine Neville being such a hero. Neville contemplating his own courage and admitting/accepting it without arrogance is done very believably and effectively here, though. You build up nicely how much people like his Gran, Luna and Harry have faith in him, so who are we, the readers, to argue with them?

The ending could have been a slightly clumsy, 'And here's the girl he'll marry!' shoe-in. The connection to his courage, to the blurry awareness being filled in by details, changes it, and makes it a nice focal point. She's one of the details he can fill in after the years of struggle. The hero still needs to screw his courage to the sticking place to face the girl.

Like the whole story, it's sweet and human, very Neville and perfect for the immediate aftermath of the battle. Heroics and mundane reality falling into one. I highly enjoyed this!

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Review #47, by SlideWarning: There are no cliches present in this story: Illogical

23rd June 2014:
Harry's line made me laugh loud enough to scare the cat. Good stuff!

Author's Response: You have no idea how happy it makes me to see you posting here! I remember people raving about your stories when I last frequented fandom sites *reminisces'. Also you have a cat, which is completely awesome. Harry's line is personally one of my favourites so I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for taking the time to review.

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Review #48, by SlideDerailed: uno

2nd June 2014:
First! *makes excitable high-pitched noises* It's heeere!

Okay. It's super-weird to see James being called James in the prose. Brain needs changing gears. And now my brain's weird because I approve of the reminder that Hermione was tortured in Malfoy Manor. Or, rather, it takes more than everyone holding hands and saying they're sorry to get over war-scars. But! Not an insurmountable problem. I look forward to how it goes down.

And already I need popcorn. Ginny's concerns are not ill-founded. James moving with the future is a positive sign for his generation. But Malfoy Manor for a Squib fundraiser is a wee bit beyond the pale! In fact, Ginny's entire explanation is exactly right. You know me, I hate these kinds of issues getting swept over, and any story dealing with the Next Gen has to eventually tackle it.

Then Ginny continues being awesome by channelling her mother. I know I keep gushing over your Ginny being maternal and obviously being her mother's daughter while still being Ginny, but it's TRUE.

Huh. Running the Three Broomsticks! I did wonder how she and James would cope with him working at Hogwarts; for some reason Hogsmeade didn't occur to me. And the ruminations on the wizarding world's much more lax standards for running a pub is... worrying. Not that canon ever established the wizarding world as halfway responsible with... anything. OFSTED would have a fit over Hogwarts.

But it works for them! And Carla. And I can imagine that there will be future problems with her family - that does not seem like a sustainable problem. She can't keep them out of Hogsmeade for the rest of her short-term life. Or, rather, they will EVENTUALLY demand to see where she lives. Surely.

I would have more thoughts, but Ginny accepting Carlotta as part of the family so openly is giving me the fuzzies, and I'm all a-flutter for the Malfoy Manor Shenanigans. So, good first chapter! Establishes passage of time, implies developments of relationships in the period, and sets up future conflicts, all in a nice, bite-sized chunk.

I need more bites. Good stuff!

Author's Response: It's taken me the best part of a month to reply to this? SHAME ON ME.

I'm finding it really weird to write James as James in the prose, too. It's not hard to adjust to Carlotta's head, it's just when it comes to actually writing it throws me.

This story definitely has much more focus on the war scars of the older generation, and how people have dealt with reconciliation after fighting on opposite sides for so long. It's certainly not one of those which brushes it all under the table. And that's why Rose/Scorpius exists in Railsverse; for the payoff in Derailed.

Ginny's almost MORE awesome in Derailed than in Rails - in Rails she's James' mum so she's going to be all motherly towards him, but in Derailed her maternal nature is much more apparent from Carlotta's perspective. So awesome is she.

Yeah, Carlotta's running the pub! This is one of the bits I was most excited about introducing. She's now well and truly living in the wizarding world, and putting her in the pub means I can orchestrate almost any scenario I want. Fabby. Not to mention the increased comparision between the wizarding and Muggle worlds. Including, yes, bureaucracy.

How does Carlotta balance living in the wizarding world with maintaining relationships with her family? Well, that will be well and truly dealt with here. :)

Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #49, by SlideOff the Rails: epilogue

14th May 2014:
OH MY GOD this is the end. Ooh, time-skip. Ooh, James and Freddie. Ooh - WEDDING? OH MY GOD WEDDING. WHOSE.

It's so vague. I swear I could give a thoroughly coherent assessment of this setup, and the people, and how adorable that it's another Weasley wedding in a marquee out in the back garden of the Burrow and that's very sweet but WHICH ONE OF THEM IS GETTING MARRIED.

...I wonder what sort of qualification/cultural role 'old wizards who conduct weddings' have in magical society. I mean, obviously it's not religious; is it just a Job People Go Into or is there some sort of tradition of a community elder or the like? Wait. Now is not the tme for this kind of rumination.

Okay, Carla's shown up - too soon, yes, no - RIGHT! Not the bride. Yeah, you would mess with us at the last minute, wouldn't you? You're cruel.


I'm sorry, you wanted this to be a coherent review? You have picked the wrong circumstances in which to set your epilogue if that's the case, bucko. Oh, of course it begins with a wedding and ends in a wedding; I was too distracted by my sheer, uncertain squeeing terror to be able to analyse that properly. But a nice case of beginnings, a nice opportunity to nod at how much James has changed over the course of the story. D'aww, and Carla noticed how happy it made him, and that it made him so happy for his friends makes ME happy.

But he's not changed that much, because marriage is still pitting him into blind terror. That's my boy! Nooo not Cordelia. She had so much to live for! The final tragedy to remind us of the frailty of life amidst all this happiness and new beginnings!

Derailed Derailed Derailed. *hops up and down*

Okay. Right. Phew. Post-story analysis and overview and stuff. FIRST, your James is a sweetheart, and the James Potter to end all James Potters for me. I've adored him and adored following his story. I think what I've enjoyed the most is that you set him up as the typical arrogant playboy, learning the error of his ways and growing up, but most of all he was ALREADY a lot older and more mature than the first glimpse implied. The story wasn't just about seeing him change, it was also about peeling back the layers.

The James Potter we thought we knew was neither the James Potter he became NOR the James Potter he was in the first place. A play-boy, but with reasons for his apprehension - and nevertheless a devoutly loyal friend, the furthest thing from selfish. A Quidditch player star keen to succeed, but who hated the fame - and on the pitch was where he was his most sensible, level-headed, and mature. And these presented both beautiful contrasts in him but also the beautiful conflicts for him to resolve.

That, and the side characters. Carlotta's a darling, though for me my adoration does fall all the more on Brigid, Lily, and Maddie. Two original characters who just dominated every scene they were in - one with raucous hilarity, the other just by being such a solid friend and solid character as to stand out. And Lily - the best, most original take on Lily, and yet one which somehow fits so perfectly. Honourable mention in the end to your Audrey, too. The coolest aunt.

Three moments stand out for me in the story. The Lily twist, the one which was set up all along and so OBVIOUS when it came out, but which I never saw coming. The first proper conversation with Harry, which I had been so keen for, to finally discover what James' daddy issues were - and I remember you put it when he was at its lowest, where something I'd been hankering for just made me SAD, because it hurt him so much! And, of course, the Carlotta revelation, the one we knew was coming in some way, shape, or form, and yet anticipating it didn't make it any less satisfying, any less heartbreaking.

I got into your writing (aside from returning the favour on the reviews) because I was ALL ABOUT the war-time angst of Frozen, and mostly checked out Rails Because It Was There. But there are reasons I can get snobby about Next Gen dramas; they need to feel like logical continuations of characters and the magical world, not just high school hijinks with Next Gen names slapped on, and this does everything a genuine continuation of the Potter world should do.

I'm hyper-excited for Derailed, but if nothing else this is a superbly well-rounded and finished story, and if they rode off into the sunset at this point, I would have no regrets.

Good story, bro.

Author's Response: ...I don't even know how I'm supposed to respond to this review. It's like having two reviews in one - the wonderful incoherent mess and then the good wording bit. It makes me oh so happy.

THE WEDDING SWITCH. Oh, there was much evil cackling as I wrote this. OF COURSE James and Carlotta aren't getting married. And yes, we both start and end with a wedding because I am clearly Very Good at doing symbolism things. I think it's a nice way to see how James has changed over the course of the fic though, bless him.

Yes, Cordelia's fate is evidently a reminder of the frailty of life. Or just demonstrating that James still isn't quite capable of looking after a pygmy puff. But he's getting there. :)

James. Oh, James. I always knew he was going to be a deeper person than who we thought we knew at the beginning, but he honestly surpassed my expectations in every way. Initial plans for Rails were different to how things turned out - because Carlotta was meant to have a bigger part to play, she was meant to be the person who grounded him. But in the end I had to change it, because James saved himself. And I'm glad that happened because I think it makes for a far better story than "girl saves guy". He's been so lovely to write, and I know I'm going to miss being in his head for Derailed.

I do hope Carlotta wins even more of your adoration come Derailed, but even so I can see why Brigid, Lily and Maddie get the love. The Lily twist was so satisfying to write, and it gives the opportunity for all manner of wizarding/Muggle contrasts which I never get sick of exploring. Much more of THAT to come in Derailed.

Oh, that Harry moment. It absolutely broke me, having to post that chapter, when I knew you were so keen for the Daddy issues but the conversation that came wasn't quite the one you were hoping for... that was James' lowest point by far, and it was nice to be able to write the HAPPY father/son conversation a few chapters' later.

Derailed WILL happen. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't get that plot written. Trust me, I'm as excited as you are for this.

I was so surprised when I saw your first Rails reviews. I saw your username and thought "ooh, she's come for Frozen" - and then I looked again and got VERY excited. It's been so lovely to have your reviews and support while I've been writing, because I know your thoughts on Next Gens and it's very satisfying to know this is a fic you've genuinely been able to enjoy. And the reviews have all been so helpful, especially when I've had worries about a particular chapter. THANK YOU.

Good review bro.

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Review #50, by SlideLike a Rat in a Maze: Coal-black Eyes

8th May 2014:
Ooh, first person present. I'm always nitpicky about this as a tense choice, but I think you're using it effectively. It's at its best when it's very immediate and personal, and starting this in a kind of dream-state for Peter helps emphasise that; we start in his head and pull out.

Cool description on the growing awareness of Snape. It meant I'd figured it out before we were sure, which was good! And Snape's voice in this is just as strong as Peter's is proving to be. And I'm liking the descriptions in general - effective depiction of the pain Peter's in, effective catch-up exposition. I love the point that James and Lily would recognise Snape immediately after all these years, but not Peter.

It's good to see Peter with a spine, not just as a Death Eater but in his interactions with Snape. He was part of the gang who harassed him as a kid, after all; he'd know how to give as good as he'd get. And it's good to see him THINKING; I love his panicked rush to lie, to proclaim just how foolish he is so of course he couldn't sell them out.

And Peter's manipulation of Snape, without an Unbreakable, is good. I really like your Peter; sympathetic, worthy of pity, but at the same time with his own fire and strengths. I don't see how Peter would have been so successful a Death Eater if he was ONLY pathetic and snivelling; sure, some of it was Voldemort having limited options, but the guy was a Marauder and one of the Dark Lord's closest. He's got talents.

Nice depiction of Legilimency. Like a version of hypnotism but more, er, magical. And a vivid depiction of what went down at Godric's Hollow, but it was fun to see it from Peter's perspective. I like that the regret is distant - it's there, but it's not what keeps him up at night. It's something more slow-burning, simmering under the surface, while Snape...

Well, I did wonder if Snape was originally trying to see Peter's memories to cover up an Order attack, but he's obviously got different agendas. Love the description of Voldemort as 'elemental' - he's like a force of nature, it's hard to HATE him for choices. He doesn't make choices, he just IS.

Though that ending is just chilling. This was really good! I thought it was going to be more about Snape being a spy, so this had a nice underlayer of me assuming I knew what was going on and being WRONG. While it was perfectly seeded. I like that!

Top work.

Author's Response: Hi, there! Sorry to take so long to respond.

This was the second story that I've written in first person and it's definitely painful. I spent a lot of time going back and fixing places where I accidentally slipped into the wrong tense when I was editing this.

Thanks for your compliments on the descriptions. Solving the "mystery" of this story was very dependent on what Peter was seeing and feeling, so I thought it was important to get that right.

I think you and I see Peter the same way. I never liked the portrayal of the character in the films, the way they made him so cowardly and fawning and almost scared of his own shadow. It took a perverse sort of courage to make the choices he made when he betrayed his friends. I wanted to show some of that here.

Like I said in the A/N, I do owe a credit on the description of Legilimency to my pal GingeredTea. She came up with the excellent "cool fog" description. I think that Peter regrets what he did, in his own way, but you're right. It isn't foremost on his list of worries.

Yes, Snape! I had loads of fun stripping away that cool, calculating mask he always wears and letting some genuine anger out. There was no way that he didn't hate Peter for what happened to Lily. I couldn't imagine that he wouldn't have acted on those feelings while he had Wormtail all alone at his house in Spinner's End.

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed the story. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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