This was a charming little story, sad, but wistful. I definitely enjoyed the unique pairing (Blaise/Gabrielle) and also your less than traditional take on the Next-Gen era. Zoe is an interesting character and peeking through this story, I noticed subtle hints of a rich background and history. Even if you don't expand on her character in another story, I think you did a good job in fleshing her out in this fic. So many times it seems as though writers leave important details of characterization out of their one-shots. In this fic, however, I got the sense that there was much more to Zoe which really made her memorable.
Also, I especially liked the line about the weight of love. It was simple, yet poetic. Very beautiful!
Thanks for posting this one-shot, Len. I'm glad I got the chance to read it. Take care and be well!
Lee AnneAuthor's Response: Lee Anne, thank you so much for taking the time to read this one-shot of mine. It means a lot to hear back from an author I absolutely adore :D
That line about the weight of love, it's my absolute favourite line of the whole fic to be honest. When I was writing it, I was like "wow". I'm so glad you like it too.
Blaise/Gabrielle is such an interesting pairing to write, and I love Zoe. Eventually I plan to write a prequel of sorts to Blaise/Gabrielle. Just don't know when.
Thanks for the fantastic review! As I said, it means a lot. Report Review
I'm here from the TGS review chain to take a look at your story. This was an exquisitely lovely piece. I don't think I've ever read a fic about the Prewetts before and this was a marvelous introduction.
At first, I thought I wasn't going to like Amelia. There was just too much tragedy in her life to stomach. And then, you began to flesh her out, make her real, give her life and she became truly memorable. I love how she tries to justify her relationship with Gideon while he is still married to Marlene. She is so desperate to have a life with him and yet, she cannot entirely dismiss Marlene's presence.
The recurring theme of rubies, amethysts and flowers gave this piece an ethereal feel to it and yet, reality was established in the suddenness of Gideon's death. I have to admit, that single line took me quite by surprise, but it worked seamlessly with the mood you set.
I really enjoyed reading this story, Linda. Lovely writing all around.
celticbardAuthor's Response: Hey there! Thank you so much for taking some time to read and review. I really appreciate it. :)
I'm really appreciative of the fact that you thought that this was a lovely piece. I've been getting a lot of compliments on this piece, but it means a lot to me, coming from you!
I can see what you mean. That wasn't entirely my fault, though. You'll have to blame JK for giving her such a tragic past. I'm really glad, though, in the end that I could make her memorable. I do like her despite the fact that she embarks on a relationship with a man whom she knows is taken. I don't think that Marlene was ever married to Gideon (at least not in this piece), but she was definitely the girl he chose first.
I'm also quite impressed that you thought that single line wasn't out of place and fit in seamlessly with the rest!
Thanks so very much!
I'm here from the TGS Review Exchange to take a look at your story. This was a very cute one-shot. I must say your characterizations were wonderful. After only a thousand words or so, I had a perfect idea of what Albus, Scorpius and even the Potters were like. The fact that Albus and Scorpius have become friends so quickly makes me believe that Albus will have no trouble fitting in with his Slytherin housemates and the rest of his class.
I also really enjoyed your take on Scorpius. He is refreshingly different from his father, sharp, witty and funny, without a trace of brooding.
Also, leave it to a Potter to be a trail-blazer in creating house unity. And it seems as though Albus's parents already have a sense of his potential.
The only thing that left me wondering was the four day gap between Albus's letter and his parents'. Why did it take them so long to write? I highly doubt they disapproved of Albus being placed in Slytherin. It would have been interesting to see how you resolved that particular issue, but then again, this is your story and I wouldn't want to influence your style. After all, you've given me something to think about and that's a good thing!
I really enjoyed reading this one-shot, baletgir. Thanks for posting it!
celticbardAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for such a nice review, celticbard! I am so glad that you enjoyed reading this.
The four days. Tehehe, I wanted a real reason for Albus to worry, something that was reasonable, and that was what I came up with. I honestly want to say the reason it wasn't mentioned was because it's Albus' POV and it didn't come into play during this time, but that isn't the truth. I had a few ideas as to why but never decided which I liked best, which is why an explanation wasn't included.
:)BaletGir Report Review
I'm loving this story, soliloquy! Your writing is both realistic and eloquent. Very enjoyable and highly addictive. Please update soon!
PS And thanks so much for including Freddy. I feel so honored. *blushes*Author's Response: Aw. Thank you, darling. ^_^ The story, lemme tell you, would not be the same without the charisma of Freddy. Thank YOU for letting me use her! I'm really glad you're enjoying it -- it's such a compliment, coming from a writer I admire so much. You're wonderful, Lee Anne!
♥ Report Review
I'm here from the TGS Review Chain to take a look at your fic. And my oh my, I'm so glad I stumbled upon this one. What a fantastic opening chapter! You are a truly talented writer and I simply adore your sentence structure. It is very organic, following the pattern of internal dialogue and, I have to admit, it fits the tone of this story perfectly.
The slow build-up of tension in this chapter was brilliant, by the way. Ginny's reaction to James' note was chilling. Hmm, I'm sensing some serious family drama here.
I really loved this, Rachelle. Amazing writing. I do hope you update soon. ^_^
Lee AnneAuthor's Response: Hi Lee Anne!
Okay, give me a minute to gawp gormlessly at the review and get my head around it :P
Honestly, every word you've said made me both grin enormously and blush and I don't really know what to say in true reply so I'm going to just say thank you so much for reviewing. I appreciate it so much!
xx Report Review
I'm here from the review chain at TGS. Ah, what a creep-tastic prologue! You know me, I'm such a horror nut and this story was just my cup of tea. I must say, your writing is very elegant, something out of Gothic mystery with swirling white curtains, wounded maidens and a desperate lover. Very intriguing indeed. Good job!
celticbard Report Review
Ah, leave it to Hermione to plan out every little detail of child bearing. This was a cute little one-shot, Elena. I think you did a great job of portraying Ron and Hermione's relationship. They really do seem made for each other. And for once, it was nice to see Ron figure things out before Hermione. A very sweet story.
celticbardAuthor's Response: Poor Ron, he never really gets to be the serious one ;)
And yes! Although it may never seem like it, I am a Ronmione shipper - just Canon wise. I was so disappointed in DH and how rushed and pushed together they were in the end. The build up to their eventual pairing was so great and slow that I expected more...So I hope I give them the justice that they deserve :)
Thank you for the review Report Review
Oh, this is the last posted chapter. *cries* Reading this story has truly become the highlight of my week. I've enjoyed it so much. And yes, that's a not so subtle hint to UPDATE SOON!!
This chapter worked on so many levels. I can really appreciate Victoire's acceptance of her situation. Life certainly isn't perfect, but she's willing to make lemonade out of whatever lemons she's been given. The restored rug was a really nice touch. It seems as though her relationship with Iska is going to be a bit more complicated than I originally thought. To be honest, I'm not sure what I think of Iska now. She does seem to be a nice person, very considerate and thoughtful. Hmm, I suppose I'll have to withhold my judgments for now.
The scene in Trimble's office also worked quite well. I'm so glad Victoire stood up to the pushy professor. Now hopefully Fin will agree to do the study and she'll be set.
Hmm, it just occurred to me, I haven't commented on Victoire's animagus abilities. Needless to say, I find her situation very fascinating, although I'll admit I haven't figured out what kind of bird she is yet.
This is a lovely story, Ty and I'll certainly be on the look-out for the next chapter. Take care and have a pleasant week!
celticbardAuthor's Response: Hi,
I'm so glad this chapter worked. I thought at one point that I probably couldn't have beat that rug any more if I tried. I think we'll just let it lie for a while now ;)
Iska does have her moments which makes it inconvenient to hate her on principle. Yes, pushy pretty much describes Trimble. I'm very glad you thought that scene worked. There will be more on Vic's abilities - and life as a snidget - as she tries to sort out the latest manifestation.
I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed this exchange. Not only for the great comments you have given me but also because I have really enjoyed Breathless and getting to know Freddy.
~Ty Report Review
I'm here from the review chain over at TGS. Aww, what an adorable story! You know, I haven't read fluff in ages...this fic just hit the spot. It made me feel all warm and cuddly inside. ;)
No, seriously, this story was just too cute, and, of course, more than a little bittersweet. It was nice seeing the Marauders fawn over baby Harry. And Lily was certainly one proud mother.
I also enjoyed the mention of Peter. His absence made me wonder...was he already in the Dark Lord's camp at this time?
This really was a lovely story, Alicia. I'm so glad I had the chance to read it. Take care!
Lee AnneAuthor's Response: Lee Anne!
Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I have always wondered what life was like for the Potter's before that tragic night, and well, that's where this little story came to be.
I'm glad you liked it so well and thanks again for the lovely review, dear.
♥ Report Review
I'm back for chapter seven. Hmm, maybe I was right about Victoire finding a little companionship with Owen. He really seems like a nice guy, but I wonder how Teddy would react if discovered the two were romantically involved. Although, if Victoire started dating Owen, maybe Teddy would finally realize just how much he cares for her. Either way, I wouldn't want to see Owen get hurt. He's quickly becoming one of my favorite characters.
The scene with the rug was hilarious. How awkward! I can't imagine how embarrassed Victoire must have felt. Ugh. I think I would have hidden under my bed. Despite the tense situation, it did provide a nice Teddy/Vic moment at the end. At least they seem to be tolerating each other now.
I'm loving this story, Ty! It's going on my favorites list right now. Off to chapter eight. ^_^
celticbardAuthor's Response: Yeah, Teddy wants everyone to get along-- but NOT that well. Owen is a smart boy. Very smart when it comes to figuring women out so he is likely going to be rather cautious how he proceeds.
I'm glad you found the rug bit funny. Victoire might some day as well. Too bad Victoire couldn't hide under her bed - she had stuffed too many books there :)
I'm so excited you are liking the story, I can't tell you how much.
~Ty Report Review
I'm here from the review chain and I have to say, I'm so pleased to have stumbled across this story. It's awesome! The beginning reminds me of a black comedy (poor Hugo!). I love how his no luck situation suddenly changes as soon as he discovers the casino. And, by the way, your characterization of Rose was priceless. Haha! She's definitely a winner. ;)
Hmm, for some reason, the casino gave me the chills. The stunning waitresses, the sneering dealer. It has a sort of vampiric atmosphere, as in, it's the kind of place that'll bleed you dry and then toss you out into the cold.
This was a really great beginning, Jenny. I'm anxious to learn more about this mysterious gaming hall. Good luck and please keep writing! ^_^
celticbardAuthor's Response: Hi celtic! Sorry for taking so long to get back to this . I'm not very good at replying :P
I'm glad you like the story so far, and Rose! It's very fun to write her :P
As for the casino, I really enjoyed writing it and it isn't exactly supposed to be the most welcoming of places, so I'm glad you think that I've gotten that message across :D
Thank you for the review celtic! :D Report Review
I'm back for chapter six. Ugh! Iska was really getting on my nerves. She's not nasty or overtly rude to Victoire, but I just can't help but dislike her. Every time she mentions Teddy Victoire must cringe. What an awful situation to be in! Victoire needs to either get over Teddy or win him back. Of course, I opt for the latter. ;)
I really liked the orientation sequence in this chapter. You did a great job introducing all the new characters and giving them each distinct personalities. Pauline and Paulette both sound like winners. Sheesh! Thanks goodness Micah was there to put them back in their place.
The final scene with Teddy on the staircase was simply heartbreaking. Perhaps Victoire will find some sympathy with Owen? Hmm? ^_^
Anyway, this was a lovely chapter, Ty. I'm off to take a look at the next installment!
celticbardAuthor's Response: Ah, but of course the latter is is far preferable. Although, you never know with Vic - she might try both.
I'm glad you liked the orientation piece. I wanted to give a feel of the people who, for one reason or another, ended up in what they consider the house of last resort.
Micah is a good person to have in your corner when dealing with catty women (or ex boyfriends), but can't comment on Owen or anyone else she might find sympathy with ;)
Thanks for the great review!
~Ty Report Review
This is a very promising start. I simply love your characterization of Alice. There's something not quite right with her. On one hand, she seems as though she's completely reliant on Roldophus. Obsessed, really. However, as the same time, I can't help but feel that she is a truly strong woman underneath it all. Her little act of defiance at the end was just fantastic.
Other than that, I only noticed a few minor typos. Nothing that can't be fixed with some editing.^_^ Your grammar, syntax and overall writing was style was great. I really enjoyed this first chapter. Please update soon!
celticbardAuthor's Response: Hey! Thank you very much, I thought I'd give her a different characterisation from what I usually see. I will definitely go back over and do some editing, and thank you for the review! I shall try to update soon. Report Review
I'm back for chapter five. Yay! Victoire is officially a Bimas student. Good for her! She definitely deserves it. But ah, Teddy is living in the same housing complex? That's going to be tough. My heart really goes out to Victoire. You've made her such a relatable character. She's definitely not over Teddy. It would be bad enough if they simply weren't together, but Iska just makes things worse.
By the way, I really like Fin. He reminds me a lot of myself, actually. Haha. I also really enjoyed the letters exchanged between Sara and Victoire. They really gave me a good idea of their personalities. Poor Victoire must be missing her best friend. At least she has Micah now. Their friendship seems to be moving along nicely. And I do think Victoire needs some company.
The only part of the chapter that confused me a bit was the scene on the boat. The transition was a little awkward. Not terrible, mind you, I just had trouble keeping track of all the characters, especially Micah. I thought she was busy with her afternoon charter, so I wasn't certain how Victoire caught her chatting with Harry. Maybe I missed something?
This was another lovely chapter, tydemans. I really can't wait to read the next installment. Take care!
celticbardAuthor's Response: Yes, she is in. Way in.
And it is going to be tough because she doesn't let things go easily - Teddy is no exception. But she will have Micah and Fin.
I'm glad you like Fin. I have a fondness for him as well, although I do think those girls are going to shake up his well ordered life a bit.
I think you have a point about the transition. Vic spent some time with the family before they were going to have the cookout so I could probably do a better job with that.
Thanks so much for all the comments. I really appreciate them.
~Ty Report Review
I'm back for chapter four. Wow, this chapter sure covered a lot of ground! You really did a great job of balancing exposition and dialogue in this part. And your transitions were perfect. Excellent work! *claps enthusiastically*
There were so many things I liked about this installment. Ollivander was wonderfully written and I just love the wand lore info you included. Little details such as those really make a story shine. Owen was also a nice addition to the cast of characters. He kind of reminds me of a grown-up Al. I like him very much!
Ah, we finally get to meet Iska. Hmm, she seems a bit aloof right now. Maybe she feels threatened by Victoire? I certainly look forward to seeing more of her. I'm curious as to just how her relationship with Teddy works out, for she really doesn't seem his type.
I only have one small nitpick. You spelled McGonagall's name wrong twice. No biggie. ^_^
I also really enjoyed the bit with the fairies. How creative! I can't imagine what I'd do if I had an infestation of talking pests. Hehe!
I think this was my favorite chapter so far, Ty. Keep up the good work! I'm off to read chapter five. Take care!
celticbardAuthor's Response: Yeah, now I'm really grinning. Your enthusiasm is so awesome - I can't thank you enough. I'm glad you like Owen. He will be around a good bit as the story progresses and his little mystery unravels.
Iska. Yeah, she might see Victoire as a threat (of course, Victoire herself does not feel very threatening). Doesn't seem his type, you say? Hmm, couldn't really comment on that now.
My dirty little secret is out- I actually have a strange mental block when it comes to McGonagall's name. I can't tell you how many times I google it to be sure, and here I am messing it up again. Thank you so much for pointing that out. I will fix it.
The fairies are fun and actually integral to the plot, believe it or not, but I can't do too much of them at a time. A little fairy goes a long way ;)
(still grinning) Ty Report Review
I'm back for chapter three. ^_^ Let me just say, I can completely relate to Victoire. She's experiencing the typical external pressure and internal self-doubt most young adults seem to suffer from. I know I certainly feel the need to have it "all figured out" by the time I graduate from college, although, as Victoire is starting to realize, that's not always the case.
I also really enjoyed your take on the Potter/Weasley clan. Despite their renown and fame, their obviously just a normal family. As I mentioned in the last chapter, I'm a huge fan of Al. He's just too cute in this fic. ;)
So now Teddy's back and it seems as though he's trying to rescue his relationship with Victoire. Hmm, but where does this Iska come in? I look forward to reading the next chapter. Great job, tydemans!
celticbardAuthor's Response: Hi!
Ha, even when you think you have it all figured out, its not always the case.
I'm glad you liked the clan. There is a bit more pressure with the established characters. Its always a relief when they come out right. Al has been a blast for me to write. This is not the last you will hear from him.
Iska's coming in the next chapter and she will certainly impact the fragile balance Teddy and Victoire have regained.
Thanks for the review. It made me smile huge!
~Ty Report Review
I'm back for chapter two. All right, I suppose I had best get my first reactions out of the way. Poor Victoire! How could Teddy not show up? And now he has a new girlfriend?
As you can see, you've really drawn me into Victoire's world. I feel so very bad for her, so kudos to you for some amazingly effective characterization. Also, that action scene with the hippocampus was lovely. It must have taken a lot of planning, although it certainly paid off!
The bits with Al, Harry and Bill were also great. You really have them down pat. Al is adorable, I must say.
As to what Victoire "shifts" into, I have to admit, I'm stumped. Obviously, it's a winged creature. Don't veela's have wings? Hmm.
Some reviewers mentioned the amount of exposition in this chapter versus dialogue. I have to agree, in part. The exposition did keep my interest, but I would consider breaking it up a bit. Maybe you could include some of the graduation ceremony? A speech from the headmaster? You might also consider just cutting back on some of exposition by saving bits of it for later on in the story.
Also, I would suggest watching your transitions. The shift from Victoire awaiting graduation to the actual ceremony was a bit awkward, along with the arrival of Bill, Harry, Al and Grant on the docks. But then again, I'm just being nitpicky here.
Overall, great job. I'm off to chapter three. Hmm, who is this Iska?
celticbardAuthor's Response: Hi Celticbard!
I know. Not a good day for Victoire. I am glad to hear she is coming across well. And, that the action scene was well received. The underwater sequence was actually quite fun to write. Ha, I wonder what that says about me that I enjoyed knocking my character around a bit.
She transforms into a snidget. I see her Veela blood and unique physiology predisposing her to the condition she has. Instead of a strong scary bird, which I am sure she would prefer and would make the condition so much more cool, she is a rather vulnerable bitty bird whose main value is as a perceived trophy. So, not as cool.
I think I will be revising this chapter, going back to the original multiple chapter layout and reworking a bit.
Thanks for the thorough review. It was very helpful and not nitpicky. I appreciate the comments!
~Ty Report Review
It's celticbard from the TGS Review Exchange, here to take a look at your fic. ;)
I'm sure other reviewers have told you this before, but your opening sequence with the long eared owl was quite original. I really did enjoy it. You gave your readers a bit of Victoire's background, established some of her important relationships and hinted at the plot. Great job!
I also enjoyed the back-and-forth between Victoire and Sara. Their friendship seemed realistic, easygoing and completely down to earth. These are two girls I'd definitely like to hang out with. They're unpretentious, funny and honest. You really have a knack for creating interesting characters. ^_^
The only thing I would have liked to see more of was description, or at least, the establishment of a setting. I know the second-half of the chapter takes place in Victoire's dorm room, but I don't think you mentioned anything about it in the first half. If you included that tiny detail early on, I think your readers might be able to visualize the scene better.
Other than that, this was a lovely chapter. I can't wait to read the rest!
celticbardAuthor's Response: Hi celticbard!
I'm excited about this exchange. Breathless has such a unique premise - I love unique stories so I have been enjoying the read.
I'm glad you liked Mr Big Ears and the characters here. That means a lot.
Ah, the first half. Victoire was focused a little heavily on the letter so maybe I was too. Will take a look at that.
Thanks for the comments!
~Ty Report Review
They kissed! At last! Haha, I can't help squeeing like a fangirl. I suppose it takes Riddle being obscenely creepy to drive Tibbs and Minerva into each other's arms.
I'm sorry this review is so short, Susan. My professors haven't been shy about piling on homework lately. I just wanted to let you know that I'm still reading this story and loving it. ^_^ Take care!
Lee AnneAuthor's Response: It certainly took long enough, didn't it? :P I really didn't mean to put it off that long, but it worked out best for the plot (as it kept evolving on me *headdesk*).
Thank you very much for coming by, Lee Anne! It's wonderful to hear from you, whether long or short - just knowing that you're enjoying the story is fantastic. ^_^ Report Review
I'm so glad I finally had the chance to catch up with this fic. As usual, I adored this chapter. It was very seasonal, quite appropriate. ^_^ I must say, you had me lulled into a false sense of security at the beginning. Here I thought Minerva was set to engage in another petty battle with Tibbs and then wham! things take a serious turn. Needless to say, I was caught completely unawares by the unbelievably tense ending. Brilliant! I shall be back for more soon. Take care, Susan!
Lee AnneAuthor's Response: Hey Lee Anne! Thanks very much for the review - it's always wonderful to hear from you! It's even better that you liked the chapter - I remember enjoying writing it, mostly because their banter is fun and light, yet the ending maintains that serious feel that I like the story to have in the background. They are, after all, living through a war and the tensions at Hogwarts are high.
Haha, I like that it was a surprise for you, that ending - I didn't intend to write it, initially, but then it came out and I couldn't delete it. The intensity of it perfectly suits the both of them, who are very serious people, even Grimm, though he tries to hide it. ;)
Thanks again! I'm glad this chapter had a twist to it. :D Report Review
It's celticbard from the TGS Review Exchange, here to take a look at your fic.
Whoa! Poor Molly! Talk about a bad day at work. Even though she was absolutely miserable throughout this first chapter, I thought it was excellent. ^_^ Your writing is solid, your dialogue realistic and your characterizations are simply to die for. Already, I'm getting the sense that Molly II is one complicated young lady. She seems to enjoy her life in Rome, while being conflicted about her lack of a social life. And while I think she had high hopes for her job, her attitude turns sardonic when she learns that she's been laid off. To me, it seems as though she's built a wall about herself, but what exactly is she trying to keep out (or in?).
I also like the fact that she's dedicated to her studies. It shows her maturity and sensibility. And the distance between her and her family makes her that much more relatable. Needless to say, she's won both my sympathy and attention.
This was a great beginning. I really loved it. Onto chapter one!
celticbardAuthor's Response: Hey! It's great to see you ^_^!
Tell me about it, Lol. I'm so glad that you liked it! I was worried that her depression may put readers off because it wasn't exactly fun to read, but it's nice to know that it's still enjoyable. I think I'm going to have some sort of meltdown due to a praise overload from you of all people XD.
I think complicated is probably the perfect word. She likes her independence, but it's not quite all it's cracked up to be. People can't really cope without proper companionship, so Molly is clearly struggling a lot. Hahaha, you have a good picture of what's going on and it's very true about her attitude. She becomes sort of defensive after she's laid off because she doesn't want it to seem like it's hurt her. Not even to herself.
Sometimes the popularity of characters in fan fiction is more of a popularity contest, but with Molly I just wanted to make her seem like a normal person. It also draws a few parallels between her dad's separation from the family, but to a lesser extent.
I'm SOO pleased that you enjoyed it and thank you so much for taking the time to give me your feedback ^_^.
Yay! A first chapter. I'm so very excited for you, Kali. The atmosphere of this story is already haunting. And I do think dramione suits the plot. ;)
Hermione was pitch-perfect and the cabbie just gave me the chills. And, of course, I cannot wait to see how Malfoy turns out. ^_^
*blushes* Thanks for mentioning me in your note...although I don't think I deserve any credit.
Please update soon!
Lee AnneAuthor's Response: Lee Anne! Ahah, it's my first official try with horror, so to speak, so I'm unspeakably pleased that it's already haunting. *hugs* Bwhahaha, we'll see. :P Personally, I think I chose Dramione just because I could and they might work well under extreme circumstances, but we'll see how they end up.
Oh, good, I'm so glad you liked the cabbie and Hermione! He wasn't intended to be frightening, though looking back, I can see why he was. Malfoy will be ... well, Malfoy, hopefully. I don't want to delve too far into OOC-ness, but as I don't have any practice with that, we'll see how it goes.
Of course I mentioned you, and of course you deserve credit! You helped me so much with the plot! *hugs* I could never have done it without you!
Aha, I shall try to update soon(ish). Tis Nano, so words, though crappy, should be flowing aplenty. XD
Thank you so much for this amazing review, Lee Anne. :) You've made my evening. ^^
XOXO, Kalina Report Review
I'm back for the second chapter. You really did a good job keeping Hermione in-character despite her memory loss. Her inherent intellectual nature can't keep her from wondering about her past and yet, she is overwhelmed by a crippling sense of fear. Her internal debate in this chapter was quite well-written. She really seems to be struggling with her amnesia more than Ron, which makes sense considering she based her life around logic and reason.
The one thing that seemed a little odd to me was Ron's complete coherency after experiencing head trauma. After surgery (even a simple procedure) most patients usually aren't up to conversation and I highly doubt Ron would be able to speak so freely and banter with Hermione. I remember after my septum surgery a year ago, I could only lay in the recovery room and try not to vomit while the nurses gave me pain meds, haha. ;) Also, if Ron experienced any head trauma, he certainly wouldn't be as on the ball as he is in this chapter.
Other than that, I think you did a good job with this piece. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to read it. If you have any questions about my reviews, please feel free to PM me. ^_^ I hope you have a great weekend!
celticbardAuthor's Response: Some people pointed this out, but I think it would be possible for Ron to be better than most patients, because he's a wizard. They live longer and heal more quickly than wizards, so I thought it could be like this. But I understand what you mean. :)
Thank you so much for making a real effort in reviewing. It means a lot to me. Thanks :) Report Review
It's celticbard from the Review Exchange over on Apraecium. ^_^ I'm here to take a look at your story as requested.
This is quite an impressive first chapter! You really seem to have taken your time with it and judging from your characterizations, I would say that you worked very hard to get them just right. I really enjoyed your portrayal of Ron in this first chapter. He was sensitive, kind and thoughtful, quite close to JKR's conception of him. It was refreshing to read a story in which his sweet, loyal personality wins him an admirer (Chelsea) and makes him an all-around nice guy. I think too many fanfiction writers oversimplify Ron by characterizing him as oafish and crude. Your take on him was wonderfully refreshing!
The premise of this story was also fabulously unique. You transitioned from one scene to the next smoothly and gave your readers an idea of this Post-Hogwarts world without disclosing too much information.
However, there were two aspects in particular that seemed a bit odd to me. First off, I was confused as to Ron and Hermione's names. I think it is quite acceptable for them to have remembered their names, although, I think this would make them much easier to find. Why couldn't Ginny or Harry simply put up missing posters if they were that desperate? If Ron and Hermione are both living in Scotland and still remember their names, I think they would be bound to notice something. Even a missing person's report on the news would have to tip someone off to their whereabouts.
Also, it seems as though Hermione is a Muggle doctor in this story. This confused me, as she has only been missing for three years. It takes much longer to complete all the necessary schooling to become a doctor. There's the standard four years of college for a BA, then a few years for a masters, then a few years for a doctorate. Not to mention, she'd have to complete a residency.
Other than that, I thought this first chapter was well-written and I'm glad I had the opportunity to read it. Onto chapter two!
celticbardAuthor's Response: Yeah, i think I must've been rewriting this chapter a thousand times. As for my portrayal of Ron, the thing is, I hate how he is being underappreciated, pushed away and stereotyped by the stupidest things. He's one of my favorite characters, so naturally I wanted to bring out the best in him and do his character justice. That's why I'm so glad you liked it. :)
The things you mentioned are my fault - things I overlooked somehow. But the story was too long for me to change some big things, so I thought of a few cover-ups that will explain these issues later in the story. Like, Hermione trained to be a Healer before she went missing, combining her training also with Muggle medicine, since she wanted to be updated on both sides. Although her degree is fake. That will stir a real conflict for her later on since she'll realize and be crushed with the knowledge that she was out there, more or less endangering the patients and that her education is not complete etc. It's a little spoiler, but I feel safe telling you this. But once the story's finished, I'd like to do a rewrite and this will be one of the things that will be changed into something mroe plausible.
Thanks for this longish, nice and honest review. :) Report Review
It's celticbard from eHPf, here to review as requested. ^_^
You expressed some concern over the dialogue in your author's note, but I have to say, I think it was well-written. Ron's reaction to the exposed secret was realistic and I think he handled himself appropriately despite the emotion of the situation. Furthermore, the promise of a going away party provided for a suitable cliffie and made me anxious to read more. ;)
However, having said that, I think the pacing of this chapter could use some work. Although the dialogue is solid, there is too much of it.or, to put it another way, not enough description. As a reader, I would especially like the first scene to be slowed down and told exclusively from Ron's point of view. What is he thinking during this scene? What is his body language like? Little details such as these will add a great deal to the chapter and bring more depth to the scene. With some minor revision, I think this chapter could really shine. ^_^
Please feel free to drop by my queue anytime and re-request for the next chapter. I hope you have a great weekend!
celticbardAuthor's Response: Thanks so much. Glad you liked the dialogue, I will take another look at the pacing and see what I can do. I try to add details, but sometimes I get so caught up in what I want to have said that I skip over those little important bits. Report Review
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