Reading Reviews From Member: Shelby
  
27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ShelbyFeelings Unknown: The Halloween Masquerade (Hermione's POV)

20th July 2011:
The iPod thing at the beginning really turned me off from this chapter. The descriptions of their dresses was really rushed and I feel like you didn't spend enough time on it. So I guess overall the descriptions are what you really need to work on as well as Arianna still coming off as a Mary Sue. That's just my opinion though so don't take this incredibley seriously.

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Review #2, by ShelbyFeelings Unknown: Draco's Reminiscing

20th July 2011:
The end of this chapter was cute. Arianna seems kind of Mary-Sue though but that might change in the next few chapters. I love Draco/Hermione fics. It's good for a first chapter except for the fact that it really rushed through Arianna's past. I wish you would give more details of it. Maybe a longer flashback or a flashback of when Voldemort learned of her and her parents. That would be cool.

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Review #3, by ShelbyWhat Hurts The Most: I promise with all of my heart

20th July 2011:
I'm not really sure if I liked it or not. I used to love Harry/Hermione fics but I don't really enjoy it as much as I used to. It wasn't the best story I've ever read but it's still good. 7/10

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Review #4, by ShelbyPretending to be Pansy: Chapter 4: A Change of Heart

7th August 2010:
UGHHH! Write more! I wanna know what happens! I like this story a lot. It's addicting... hmm... I don't know what else to say except finish it. Right now.

Shelby

Author's Response: I have so many chapters written I'm just waiting to get them validated! Believe me I want to get them up! Thanks for reading and reviewing!! It really means a lot :)

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Review #5, by ShelbyPretending to be Pansy: Chapter 3: An Unexpected Turn of Events

7th August 2010:
I liked this chapter as well. I love DM/HG fics anyways so that usually automatically makes me like it. Repetitiveness (i totally murdered the spelling of that word) wasn't too bad to be honest. So great job, once again.

Shelby

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Review #6, by ShelbyPretending to be Pansy: Chapter 2: Reliving and Rethinking

7th August 2010:
Yeah, I read the little author's note at the bottom and the length is kinda a problem. I mean it's not bad, it doesn't make it a bad chapter. Not at all. It would just make it more fun to read, you know? So yeah. I liked it... again. :)

Shelby

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Review #7, by ShelbyPretending to be Pansy: Chapter 1: Polyjuice Problems

7th August 2010:
This was a pretty good chapter. It sped through a little fast though. I would have enjoyed it more if there had been a little more descriptions and longer dialogue and stuff. But that's just me. Anyways, it's making me read more and that's the most important thing-- capturing the reader's attention and making them want more. Great job!!

Shelby

Author's Response: Thanks a lot! I might decide to go back and add more to the first chapter. I think i was just so excited I was starting to write again that I started rushing lol. Thanks again!

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Review #8, by ShelbyRough : Chapter 1

1st August 2010:
Hey!

Okay so it wasn't bad but it needs more like idk. It just sort of ended all of a sudden. But other than that it was good. A few capitalization errors but it didn't bother me too much. Uhmm... I love Draco/Hermione and I absolutely loved the idea of them keeping it a complete secret. I wish there was more feeling between them. But that's just me. Anyways, it was good. And I wish you would continue it on.

Shelby

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing =)
and i prolly will continue or maybe a sequel?


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Review #9, by ShelbyStrategy: Doom Via Project

27th September 2009:
I enjoyed reading this. I've never read an Oliver/OC before so its good. It's not really that humorous so it may just be an "author" thing. I have that too, don't worry. The grammar was good. I like how she's falling for him right now too. One thing I noticed is that you did not mention the narrator's name once in the whole chapter. Unless I just overlooked it. So you may need to consider Oliver saying her name at least once while addressing her or something. That's all. Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it! It's a ship that I was sick of seeing the romantic interest being part of the Quidditch team as well, so I took matters into my own hands ;]

And he said her last name, I thought that'd suffice, but I'll see if I can edit in her name somewhere.

Thanks again! :D


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Review #10, by ShelbyLove, Not War: The Letter

22nd September 2009:
So you asked to review how Arthur and Molly's relationship was portrayed. And I really believe that it was quite good. They have their little fights like a normal couple, but eventually work through it. They help each other out and are understanding towards one another. So good job on the character relationships.

As for the grammar and language, I didn't seem to find any huge grammar mistakes. If there were any tiny ones then I didn't catch it. So good job.

The chapter in itself was really good. I can see how people say that this is their favorite chapter. It's a good opening to the story and I'm excited to read the rest. Which I will attempt in my free time. Overall, just bravo on such a great story. You're a really great writer.

Author's Response: Aww, why thank you Shelby, you're so nice! I am glad that you thought Molly & Arthur were good, and it’s great that you think this makes for a pretty good opening! Thank you for answering my questions and for being so honest about it! I am so excited that you are excited to read the rest of this, haha!! Great review hun! I shall come back for more! :)

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Review #11, by ShelbyMama Do: Mama Do

22nd September 2009:
Wow, this was absolutely amazing! You know from the first post in my topic that I completely adore Romance. This just hit the spot. It was romantic, dramatic, unique. I loved it. Your OC had a good personality. Blaise had the typical slytherin attitude that I love. It was perfect.

One mistake I found: Check 5th paragraph line 5. There's a typo where it says "When I am him" and I believe it should be "when i am with him".

But thats the only thing I found. I kinda stopped looking for a lot of grammar mistakes only because I got so lost in the story. I didn't want it to end. I was caught up in everything. It made me sad when it was over. Literally. Great job!!

Author's Response: Thanks!! I'm so happy you like it! I really wanted this story to not have a happy ending because it would really show the typical Slytherin character and I think it makes it seem more real :)

Thanks for pointing that typo out I will edit it and make sure to change that!

Thanks so much for the review!
x


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Review #12, by ShelbyMidnight: A Dead Geranium

22nd September 2009:
I really enjoyed this chapter. Great descriptions of everything. I can just imagine the ruins of Hogwarts. I was confused on the italicized dialogue though. Was it just a memory that she was having or was it happening right at the moment? That's the only thing that confused me. It seems like a great opening to the story. I might continue reading if I can find time. Good job.

Author's Response: Hi Shelby,

Thanks for such a quick reply!

Oooh, the italicized dialogue was remembered conversation. Any suggestions for what I can do to make it less confusing? I'll go back and look at how it's structured to see if I can clarify that.

Glad you enjoyed it :D If you want to keep reading, I'd be overjoyed!

Thanks!


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Review #13, by ShelbyHarry Potter and the Unknown Lillin: The Stakeout

22nd September 2009:
The dialogue at the beginning is slightly confusing because it does not show who was speaking at the time. Was it phil or jack? So it's a good idea to put names after some dialogue every once in a while because long periods of dialogue with no reference to who said it can get confusing.

This chapter is very unique, but I had trouble figuring out what exactly was going on. It's like you jumped right into the story with no explanations whatsoever. So that may need to be revised. I mean I had no idea who Phil and Jack were and why they started on the roof. I didn't know all the people that they were talking about with the crystal meth stuff. It just gets confusing. Do you see where I'm coming from?

As for the grammer and sentence structure I believe you did very well. No mistakes really jumped out at me concerning that. So great job!

Overall the only thing you need to think about is the plot flow at the beginning. But great job with the actual writing of the story. It was very good.

Author's Response: Most of the plot stuff was revealed in the second half of the chapter, and the rest in the next.

ANyway, thanks for the review.


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Review #14, by ShelbyStill Waters: Friendships

21st September 2009:
I failed to mention this in the previous review, but I really love how you wrote this in the midst of the goblet of fire time. It really makes it stand out even more so then just the different pairing. This is getting really good. Once again, nothing to critique. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: I've got my copy of GOF to hand to do my best to integrate Luna into Cedric's life, I'm really pelased you thought I managed to do that so far!

Thanks again for the vote of confidence!


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Review #15, by ShelbyStill Waters: Professor Diggory

21st September 2009:
This was really good. You portrayed Luna's personality perfectly. I love the unique pairing. It seems to be working pretty well for you. There's nothing really to critique. Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks very much, I really appreciate the comments!!

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Review #16, by ShelbyWilloway: Prologue

21st September 2009:
This was a very interesting chapter. The beginning was somewhat well written but it could be better. Especially some of the sentence structure and the way things are worded grammatically. Such as "Pressing her fists to either side of her head, she fought her way through the fragments of recollection and horror that had gathered in her mind the night before." The part that says recollection and horror and some of words around it slightly bothers me in the way it's worded. However, the description of the "fragments in her mind" was really original. Overall I really enjoyed this chapter.

Author's Response: Hiya Shelby!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review! I know I'm super late with this reply and I do sincerely apologize. I've been having some health issues lately and I haven't had nearly as much HPFF time as I would like. And I certainly didn't want to leave you with a simple, "thank you" in response to your thoughtful feedback. ^_^

I'm so glad to hear that you enjoyed this chapter for the most part. I also went back and reread that sentence you mentioned. In all honesty, I thought it was okay (a bit of a run-on, though ^_^), but perhaps it would read better as, "...through the fragments of recollection and horror that had gathered in her mind from the night before"?

Thanks for pointing that out, though! I just love concrit. ;)

Again, I do apologize for taking so long to get back to you. I hope you have a great weekend!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #17, by ShelbyThose Four Words: The four words

20th September 2009:
This is was good for a first time. Although, I did find it slightly cliche. It did catch me by surprise what Scorpius really said to her. I thought he was gonna break up. Haha. But It was good. Grammer was fine. It could use a little of the changing up of sentence structure stuff. But other than that it was good.

Author's Response: Thank you. Might have been slightly cliche, but it was just one of those stories which itched to be written. Haha, I'm glad I was able to surprise you :)

I'm very happy to hear that the grammar was fine!=)
Okay, okay. I'll keep that in mind for other stories - sentence structure.

Thank you for reviewing.
- Cathy


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Review #18, by ShelbyThe Confessions of Young Sirius Black: The First Sighting

18th September 2009:
Being completely honest, this chapter was alright. There were several typos and some misspellings and a few grammar issues. But I'm sure as you continue your writing will get even better. It is a very good start to the story tho. So good work.

Author's Response: Thank you I guess I'll have to re-edit my chapters once the third one is up.

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Review #19, by ShelbyIn My Last Breath: Mudbloods Sin Too

18th September 2009:
I really enjoyed this first chapter. So far this is going really well. There were a few typos I saw in here but besides that it's really really good. I'm going to continue reading as soon as I get these other reviews in. I'll add it to my favorites and be sure to keep an eye on it. :)

Author's Response: That's wonderful =] Thank you.

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Review #20, by ShelbyClose: Intro

9th August 2009:
Voldemort stayed at the Malfoy Manor? Hmm, interesting. But wouldn't he have been in hiding?
Haha, this sounds like my story, Death's Kiss, except for its Harry that Draco is trying to get close to.
Good introduction. It keeps me guessing. I'm excited for the next chapter.

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Review #21, by ShelbyRegretfully Yours: Facing the Past

2nd August 2009:
interesting...i thought ron was dead or something.

Author's Response: Nope... He is very much alive... Poor Hermione. :) Thanks

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Review #22, by ShelbyDouble Trouble: Double Trouble

3rd April 2008:
Good beginning to the story. I like how you opened up with an immediate...um... whats the word... action! that's it. lol. but yeah it was a great start.

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Review #23, by ShelbyMr. Weasley and the Doughnuts: Mr. Weasley and the Doughnuts

29th March 2008:
Wow... Arthur Weasley is stupid... wouldn't they have doughnuts and bagels and stuff in the wizarding world too though??

Author's Response: they never talk about them...thanks for the review

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Review #24, by ShelbyFight for a Life: Preparations

25th March 2008:
I want Harry and Ginny to get back together. lol. It's so cute.

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Review #25, by ShelbyFight for a Life: For the Greater Good

25th March 2008:
I like it. Good start to the story. Nice flow of dialogue and words.

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