I found out about your story Reverie though the forum, and I have something I have to get off my chest. I ADORE THAT YOUR CHARACTER IS HALF CHINESE AND HER FAMILY IS FROM MALAYSIA. In fact, I think I love you. Seriously. Being a chinese Malaysian, you can't imagine my shock and utter delight of having stumbled across this story.
I just loved reading it. and gosh, you captured the habits and culture of what it is to be a chinese Malaysian that I have to ask if you are one yourself. The use of the word Kepoh; the grandmother pointing out that she was 'so skinny'; bak choi; that we serve dishes, not courses; and gosh many other small details that I dont think many other authors take the time to incorporate when they write characters of ethnicity other than Caucasian.
all that aside, the dialogue is wonderful as well. I love how you captured the characters and their voices so perfectly, and it all flows so smoothly as well. it feels real. like actual conversations rather than something made up or contrived.
you did a great job with pacing. Just enough in each chapter to keep things interesting brilliantly mixed with an unhurried almost ordinary feel about it. The interactions between Clare and everybody else feels natural and make her, believably, the girl next door. Then there are the scenes that show you she not quite the girl next door. I don't know how you did both and have them flow together so seamlessly, but I bow down to you for it.
I have to ask though; is Magua a translation based on sound or a literal translation?
I'm looking forward to the next chapter,
Melpomene.Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so glad you like how I've incorporated bits of culture - like you, when I've read stories (and some of them are amazing), particularly from this era, I've always noticed how the OCs are always Caucasian. When I started 'Reverie', I wanted to make it as original & canon as any fanfic could be, so in addition to making Clare a Squib, I gave her a different cultural background from what you normally read. JKR gave us a Hogwarts filled with students from all over the world, and Britain is also so multi-cultural, so I thought, what the heck! I hope you'll forgive me for not admitting whether or not I'm Chinese-Malaysian - I like the anonymity of HPFF, but I suppose it's pretty obvious ;)
I'm pleased that you've noticed the little things about Clare (most people probably don't!). I'm a firm believer of the fact that small details can really make a story seem 'real', so I'm thrilled that you've picked some of them up. I had great fun writing the grandmother, but I didn't think many people would get the little jokes I put in.
Dialogue is something I struggle with - I always feel like it should be funny and writing humour isn't my strong point - but I'm glad you feel it's realistic and not contrived. I think I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I'm not overly funny and that day-to-day conversation isn't like being in a comedy show.
Ahh pacing is something I always worry about! There are all these ideas floating in my head that I keep going back and editing (look out for that! I rewrote ch1; it's waiting validation).
As for 'magua'...to be honest, I just typed 'Chinese translation Muggle' into Google and voila! :P I think it's the word used in the Chinese translations of the books.
The next chapter's waiting validation - I hope you keep reading and reviewing! Your review really made my day :D Report Review
It read like poetry. I'm so amazed by this piece, so filled with wonder that I found myself just staring at the screen for at least five minutes after having read the last line. The passages on Astoria are breath-takingly beautiful. They reminded me so much of several transalations of Welsh/Authurian myths I read months ago--from the vivid discriptive language that you used to the flow of it. This line in particular '...How ironic it was, then, that in the dim light, his pure blood looked like mud.' was my favourite. It stuck such a core with me. I am, quite literally in all out awe of you.
The lady of shallot is a wonderful story and you certainly did it justice in my mind. By any chance have you read Gwen Rowley's 'Lancelot'? this a little bit off topic, but when I was reading Astoria's 'I'm not mad' scene, I almost squeed. Though Rowley doesn't delve into the tower scene much, the scene you wrote was almost the exact one I had imagined happening to Elaine(the one in 'Lancelot'). Did that even make any sense? lols. in anycase, this you story is getting a special place in my list just for that.
only one question though: how is Astoria surviving without food and water? if nothing can get in, and nothing can get out.or is there an exception for house elves? haha, it was just one of those things I was wondering about.
I can't wait for the next chapter,
-melpomene. Report Review
Let me start of by saying wow. For a moment there I thought it was a one-shot and wanted to cry. I had half the mind to beg you to continue because I quite adored how you portrayed Charlie and it would have been a waste if you didn't. Then I scrolled up and saw that it was labeled 'chapter one'. My bad. :(
For a first chapter it has all the makings of a briliant story; a gripping openning, fast-paced danger and action (just what you want in a story that has dragons. come to think of it, every story should have dragons.), and characters you want to know more about.
The only problem I had with it really was trying to keep track of everyone by hair-colour. Not that it is a bad thing, but repeated reference to the characters by their hair confused me at points. I'm sure there are more other appositions that would be more apt? This is just a sugestion of course. It is really just a minor thing and I might be the only one who noticed. I'm a bit weird like that.
anyways, great story! I enjoyed reading this and am anxiously awaiting the next chapter.
-melpomeneAuthor's Response: You make an incredible point! I can see how hair color would make it confusing!! Thank you for pointing that out, I'll be sure to edit that up and fix it :D Otherwise, thank you so much for the kind review and I'm happy you like the pace, and characters!! You leave wonderful reviews and no this isn't a one shot :P it is a short short story though XD Stay tuned :P Updates on everything soon!
-Sarah Report Review
This is my favourite chapter, by far. The tension vibrating between Draco and Astoria is amazingly well done. I'm glad that you didn't rush it. Their relationship translates effortlessly, even with the lack of dialogue between the two of them. And I think that's the beauty of it. You are not forcing them to have a long winding out of character conversation about nothing. And now we get to see Narcissa and Lucius! It's refreshing to see them written in a new light and still retain bits of thier personality.
The only thing that bugs me, and really its only a minor thing, is that you haven't updated this gem of a story! XD
here's to wishing you do,
nickel/melpomene Report Review
Just oh. It was a beautiful story to read, emotionally tugging, but right. It flows smoothly and it doesn't seem forced, and I love how you protrayed him. The voice of a child does carry through. I feel sorry for him, and I just want to hug him really. Report Review
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