Reading Reviews From Member: BusinessJournal
  
74 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BusinessJournalWerewolf Academy: X: Devin

2nd July 2010:
Hello! BusinessJournal in with your reviews! First off, so sorry for the lateness of this review. My work schedule's been strangling me and my time. Anywho, enough about me ;)

I remember you saying you wanted your last few chapters reviewed which is why I'm starting here. I think this is such a cool idea for a story. I've read a few werewolf fics but never one as original and well-written as this one. Werewolf stories are usually not number one on my list (not sure why, I don't really have any problems with it!) but I'm glad you've requested this one. It's kind of giving me a new opinion on the whole thing ;). I love Devin. That's pretty much it. Ha ha. Especially in this chapter for some reason I love him a whole lot more now. It must be your characterization or something but it's great. I just found one little error:

"They'd entered this town, looking and for answers, and been chased out." - I don't think the "and" needs to be there between the "looking" and "for"? Maybe I'm just reading wrong, and if so that reads funny for sure.

Other than that I really don't have a lot to say, and no CC as this was very well-written. I should be getting to your last few chapters within the next few days ^_^

BusinessJournal

Author's Response: No problem about the lateness; review threads always come last on the to do list, at least on mine.

Thank you so much for reading all the way through to here, I know this story isn't most people's cup of tea. But it seems like you're enjoying it, and Devin. To be honest, up until this point of the story I had no plan going for me whatsoever, and Devin's character sprung up very suddenly. Nice to know he's turning out ok.

Yes, my grammatical mistakes usually involve me not deleting enough of a sentence I edited, or starting a thought and not finishing it. That "and" certainly doesn't need to be there. Thanks for the review!!!


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Review #2, by BusinessJournalWasted.: Wolfsbane.

26th June 2010:
Hello, BusinessJournal from the forums again :)

So I thought this was a surprising and very exciting twist in the story. Was not expecting that to happen! I was going to mention a few canon things, but I realized someone else did that in another review and you don't need to hear things twice ^_^. I have to say, I'm really quite intrigued to see what happens with this werewolf thing! As far as getting the Wolfsbane... My guess is he's going to go to Severus :D Just a hunch but I'm excited to read ;) Once again, spelling/grammar errors which are an easy fix ^_^ Anyway, not a lot more to say, but I'm thrilled that you've added this big twist, and I'm looking forward to reading more!!

BusinessJournal

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I will go back and try and fix those spelling/grammar errors. Thank you for pointing that out. :) and thanks again for your lovely reviews!!! :) They were greatly appreciated!

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Review #3, by BusinessJournalWasted.: Going Back.

26th June 2010:
Hello! BusinessJournal here from the forums :)

Your first two chapters are well-written and have a great flow to them. Your characterization of James has been spot-on thus far, as well as Sirius. I haven't seen too much of Remus yet, but what you have so far is telling and you've done it well. I also like that you're having Peter acting distant and almost sickly. Very nice touch. Lily seems to be bossy (as usual ^_^), and I'm really looking forward to what you have happen between James and Lily. With every story it's different, and this seems promising. I've found a few spelling/grammar errors, but nothing a bit of editing can't fix ^_^ I don't have much more to say for now, as I've only read the first two chaps, but I'm looking forward to reading more and leaving more reviews :)

BusinessJournal

Author's Response: YAY!!! Thank you. I'm a stickler for characterization and I am always worried that I'm getting it wrong. So thank you so much for that!! I'm glad that you liked what I've done with Peter. I was afraid some people wouldn't like it and say that he should be really involved with the group but I really do not believe he would have been so involved with them this year but he joins Voldemort in the near future so why would he still be like them? Thank you so much for reviewing!!

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Review #4, by BusinessJournalDeath: Death

26th June 2010:
Hello! BusinessJournal here with your request ^_^

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I've never read a story from Peter's perspective. I knew within the first paragraph whose POV this would be in, and I got excited :) Your writing is GREAT. No one ever seems to care about Peter's thoughts, plans, and ideas, but you've made it something to care about. Not only is this his perspective, but you've made it so we can actually understand where he was coming from and why he did the things he did. That is a hard thing to do, considering how many people actually loathe Peter Pettigrew. There was just a couple things I found... One was a spelling mistake here:

"...who's family supported the Dark Lord with all their might..." I believe that "who's" should be "whose". (Yes, I'm ridiculously nitpicky >_< but that's good because it means I can't find a heck of a lot wrong with this!)

And my other question is about the Dark Mark disappearing. I thought the Mark stayed on but the Deatheaters but it just faded? I could be wrong, just thought I'd bring it up in case.

Anyway, I thought you did an absolutely smashing job at this. I also thought the no dialogue added to it. Dialogue is my absolute favourite thing to write, so I'd have a horrible time with that challenge! But you've really done a good job here with that, it wasn't awkward and the pacing and flow of thoughts was perfect. Kudos to you!

BusinessJournal ^_^

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks! :)

Oh, I'm very glad to hear that! I'm not a very big fan of Peter myself, but I think too many people write him as if he was already evil at school or stuff like that. That just doesn't seem right to me (but no offense if you do that too!). So I thought this might be an interesting subject to write about, since he must've had his reasons to turn against his friends like that. Thank you for the compliments! :D

I'm quite nitpicky as well, so I can't believe I didn't notice that when reading this over! But at least it's not the edited version yet! I'll make sure to change it when I'm editing this, thanks for pointing it out!

You're right about the Mark staying on, but I figured that it would, as you say, fade so it would appear to not be there at all. That's what I meant with disappearing (since if the Mark would still be visible, all the Ministry would've had to do was take a look at Sirius' arm when they captured him, to find out whether or not he was a Death Eater, for example). But I'll take a look at that too, then :)

Thank you! For me, it differs whether or not I like writing dialogue; sometimes it becomes just too forced, to me at least. (the weird thing is, the only stories I've ever written without dialogue are from a male's perspective...) I'm glad you thought it wasn't awkward, I wasn't too sure of that myself :) So that's good to hear.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #5, by BusinessJournalIV: 3. The Great Purging

24th June 2010:
Hello again!

Mmm this is getting exciting. Once again, really enjoying Malachai's character. Yes, he's very jaded and cold but he does have some warmth running through him, and we see that here. As far as Ophelia goes, I can't decide how much I like her character yet. I mean, this was only a small glance so I can't say too too much but I'd like her to get some courage! Ha ha. Perhaps it'll be one of those cases where she toughens up over time and becomes a hero. I obviously don't know yet though, but I'm very excited to find out! As I said before, I'm really looking forward to this all coming together with James and Sylvia as well. This is extremely promising. I don't have much else to say! PLEASE re-request on my thread when there's a new chapter. I'm extremely intrigued and you've successfully drawn me in!

BusinessJournal ^_^

Author's Response: He does, doesn't he? Well some semblance of it, rather. After all, he's still human and must be vulnerable some time :) As for Ophelia, her character development has a long way to go. More on her in the next chapter. An explanation why she has such a lack of courage. Hopefully she'll make much more sense after that chapter. Definitely won't be the bravest toaster in the kitchen, but she'll grow.

It's getting really close. The point when they both meet! I can't wait to post the chapter and share it with all of you. Meanwhile, one must settle for a Hobbs-centric chapter next :)

Updates soon. Check my main page for the schedule.

Thanks so much for these wonderful reviews! You have no idea how much I appreciate them all! Thank you! Will definitely request when the new chapter is up!


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Review #6, by BusinessJournalIV: 2. Message

24th June 2010:
BusinessJournal here again!

Once again, wonderfully written. Not loads to say! I really like your choppy, short sentences. I'm finding they add a lot of effect for me. Once again, beautiful characterization with Sylvia. I can't wait until this all comes together and we hear from Malachai again (who I think I might have a crush on. Yes, I'm aware he's fictional ;)). Anyway, sorry for the short review, just don't have too much to say! It's lovely and brill though :)

BusinessJournal ^_^

Author's Response: I love you. There, I've said it. I really do!

Thanks again for this amazing review. I had more trouble writing this chapter than the first because of James and Sylvia. I find them harder characters to write. James, because there's already so much precedents out there. And with Sylvia because she always has to be one step ahead of everyone. I'm glad it didn't fall apart XD The storylines of Malachai and Sylvia won't intertwine for some time, but they will. And that's when the real fun begins, I suppose.

Off to the next review!


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Review #7, by BusinessJournalIV: 1. God Complex

24th June 2010:
BusinessJournal here again from the forums ^_^

Oh, you are brilliant, my dear. Your characterizations are impeccable. Plus, the name Malachai is EXCELLENT. Malachai is very cold, distant, and sort of angry, but you really didn't overdo it. You can tell he's had years to achieve these characteristics, and you've managed to show that in one little chapter. Your writing is absolutely stellar, from the spelling and grammar right down to the metaphors and dialogue. I feel like this could be translated beautifully onto film. I really wish I had more to say other than how awesome and original I think this is, but you're going to have to settle with that! Onto the next chapter!

BusinessJournal ^_^

Author's Response: Hello again!

A Malachai lover! I never thought they would happen. I kind of think of him as a character only I could love...you know, since he thinks so little of mankind and all. So, if I didn't love you enough before, I do now. Ah! I am really so happy you liked it and I really am looking forward to read your next review!

*skips off*


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Review #8, by BusinessJournalIV: 0. Patient 0

24th June 2010:
Hello! BusinessJournal here with your review! :)

WOOWWW Oh I'm excited. I almost skipped reviewing this chapter just so I could get to the next one but I stopped myself! Wonderful opening chapter! You've captured the audience, added just the right amount of detail, and added a lovely cliffhanger to keep us hanging on! Your spelling and grammar are perfect, and I really liked the choppy sentences in this one. It added to the suspense and excitement of everything. Opening chapters are very difficult things to write; you never know where to add detail, how much to add, and where to end it. But you did a lovely job with this one. At first the f-bombs sort of caught me off guard but I think in this story they are very suitable. I think it's a rare thing when a curse word is NEEDED in a piece of writing but you did it very tastefully here. I honestly don't have a lot more to say, but I'm off to read the next chapter!

BusinessJournal ^_^

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your prompt review! I really appreciate it and I am so glad you like it!

Oh! You have no idea how happy I am to hear that! I guess it's what every writer wants to achieve - things that people can't stop reading, so thank you so much for saying that! You're amazing!

Ha! Yeah, I'm very persnickety about swearing in fics as well. Especially as of late, but in the stressed situation that the healers were under, even I would drop f-bombs like it was wartime. Again, I'm so glad that you understood it and appreciated it as well! Thank you!

I hope you enjoy the next chapter!


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Review #9, by BusinessJournalEscaping Fate: Chapter Two

21st June 2010:
Hello again :)

There's the magic! Woo! I thought this was another very well-written chapter. I'm really looking forward to what's going to happen in the next chapter. I'm almost more intrigued about what happened with Remus and Dianne in their Hogwarts days! Ha ha. But in all honestly, I don't have heaps to say about this one, once again. Your spelling and grammar are spot on for the most part (minus a few unneeded commas, but that's my big problem too! Nothing a bit of editing can't fix ^^). Anyway, great job, and keep on writing! And you're very welcome to re-request on my thread once there's more chapters! I'd love to read more. :D

BusinessJournal

Author's Response: :D

Your reviews always make me smile so much!! Lol. Remus and Dianne will be a kind of interesting subplot that follows the entire story(: I finished the third chapter last night, so I will probably send it into the queue tonight, after a little editing, ya know?

Thank you again for your fabulous review!
-Chanel


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Review #10, by BusinessJournalEscaping Fate: Chapter One

21st June 2010:
Hello! BusinessJournal here from the forums ^^

I really liked this as an introductory chapter. You had impeccable characterization, and your spelling and grammar are basically spot on. I honestly don't have much to say about it, it's very well-written. I'm getting the feeling it's going to be a little angsty, but that's always excellent to read :D It definitely sounds like it's going to be a great story to read with lots of ups and downs.

My only little qualm here is I didn't see any sort of magic or anything. It was almost just like an American high school film story. Not to say that's a bad thing by any means! I guess I'm just trying to say I'm looking forward to the magic coming in :)

But, as I said before, I loved your character descriptions. This, in my opinion, is how every opening chapter should be :)

BusinessJournal

Author's Response: Thank you so much for respnding so speedily!(:

I am really glad that you enjoyed the chapter, it really makes my day to hear that! Magic comes into play at the second half of the second chapter, and from there on out its completely magical(: Lol.

I'm also very glad that you liked the characterizations, with three main OC's, I'm trying hard to make sure they all stay different. Or different enough, anyways! (:

Thank you again, so much!
-Chanel


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Review #11, by BusinessJournalNew Beginnings: The Third Prophecy

20th June 2010:
Hello once again!

I thought this chapter was very well written. Your vocabulary was great, and your characterization was just as good. I really enjoyed reading Lily's bits int his chapter, and thought it was very interesting. There was a TON of information in this chapter, but you managed to keep it interesting and didn't rush it. I think this whole thing with the Gods and the Mages and whatnot is so original, I've never read anything like it. Keep up the good work, this promises to be a great storyline!!

Also... Was that a tad bit of foreshadowing I saw at the end there? When Lily was in pain, and that they were never going to get an explanation? If so, sweet! Can't wait to see what happens there.

Once again, I just have to mention the paragraph spacing, because I'm nitpicky. That's a good thing though, not much to complain about with this one!!

BusinessJournal

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you're enjoying the story, and I'm super excited that you caught on to the foreshadowing at the end and your enjoying the story line so much I've put a lot of work into this story and it makes me happy to know that you appreciate it. I'm glad you didn't think that this chapter had too much information in it, one of the reasons I requested reviews was for this very reason, I wanted to make sure that the story was still able to be followed easily.

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Review #12, by BusinessJournalNew Beginnings: Reunited

20th June 2010:
Hello again!

I thought this chapter was quite cute, but sort of dry compared to the first, action-packed chapter. However, I do like the characterization in this chapter, and thought the catching up was charming. I was somewhat confused as to Sirius being there, I assume he didn't die in the Dept. of Mysteries in this AU?

Other than that, I just second my review of your first chapter in that the spacing and whatnot is a bit off, but a very easy fix. In terms of making this one a tad more exciting, perhaps you could add some of the first chapter into the beginning of this one? Or perhaps add the last prophecy to the end of this one? Just a couple suggestions, but you're obviously well on your way with this one, and it's quite endearing and interesting to read :) Quite intrigued to see what the last prophecy is!

BusinessJournal

Author's Response: Thanks for your review I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've had the same comment be made in other reviews about this chapter versus the first one however I wanted to keep this one as is because I don't want to give too much away all at once and keep the intrigue. I also wanted to use this chapter for characterization of Lily mostly so that the rest of the story makes sense. But no Sirius didn't die in the Dept. of Mysteries, I tried to allude to that in the first chapter with Hermione saying that they all barely made it out of their alive but I decided to keep Sirius in the story for reasons later on in the story. I'm glad your enjoying it so far though, thanks again for your reviews.

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Review #13, by BusinessJournalNew Beginnings: A Secret No More

20th June 2010:
Hello, BusinessJournal in with your request!

I think this is a very interesting and unique plot-line, however I do have a few qualms. I thought the story had a very, very quick start. For instance, we're not even quite sure of which year the trio is in, how far along they are in the year, and just other small details like that. It was almost as if this chapter could have been the climax of the entire story. It was good, just almost abrupt. You've also got some problems with paragraph spacing, especially between dialogue. Perhaps if grammar/spacing aren't your strong suits, a beta is a WONDERFUL thing to have, and they're available on the forums :)

That being said, I do think this idea for a story is unique and original, and you could go very far with it. It looks like you've got a great foundation on which to work as far as the plot goes, but perhaps just working in some small details here and there would be beneficial :)

BusinessJournal

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I have had the issue with spacing be mentioned before and my previous chapters have been formatted accordingly and I intend to change the first few chapters as soon as possible. As for the first chapter being abrupt I understand where you're coming from however I intended for it to be that way. As you continue reading your questions about the trio's year and such are answered. Thank you though I will keep your comments in mind for future stories.

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Review #14, by BusinessJournalOn the Brink of Insanity: This Is Enemy Territory

19th June 2010:
Hello once again!

Not loads to say about this one :) I thought this was a very good chapter, once again. I'm excited to see where the plot is going. You haven't built it up too too much yet, but I'm very intrigued to see where the whole Oliver thing is leading to! I found a couple spelling mistakes in this one, you may want to go back and take a gander, but nothing to really fret over. As far as Jade/Nick goes, I think that could be a very great sub-plot. You could perhaps have them go through some trials and tribulations bringing them closer together. Just a thought! Anywho, let me know on my thread when you update again, I'd love to keep reading :)

BusinessJournal

Author's Response: Thanks so much for all the reviews! They're extremely helpful. I'm really glad you've enjoyed it. I am definitely looking into some sub-plots, so I'm glad you like the Nick/Jade idea. And there will be a companion piece to this story for Channing/Topher at some point, but not yet(:

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Review #15, by BusinessJournalOn the Brink of Insanity: Quiet Conversations

18th June 2010:
"You know, you might be a Chaser, but I think you're a Keeper."

LOVE THAT. I wish Quidditch was real JUST so I could say that to people in real life!

This was a very cute chapter, very fun and light. I like this Jeremy Jones character, he adds some lovely comic relief, I really hope he returns in the future!

Once again, I have a little thought. About this:

"As per usual, I got done getting ready much sooner..."

Perhaps instead of saying "got done" it could be "was finished"? Just a suggestion. Now I'm just nitpicking, which is really a good thing, it means I can't find a whole lot wrong with the story :)

Once again, thoroughly enjoyed this one! Keep it up, dear :)

BusinessJournal

Author's Response: Glad you liked it! (: And you're absolutely right about the got done/was finished thing. I knew that sounded awkward but my mind was too blank to think up something that sounded better like you suggested! Thanks for the great review.

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Review #16, by BusinessJournalOn the Brink of Insanity: The Stars That Shine

18th June 2010:
Salutations! BusinessJournal here again :)

I thought this was a very well-written chapter. I'm starting to really enjoy Hollie's character, very spazzy and fun. I love that we got a little bit of insight into how "deep" she can be. I thought it was cute that she was almost embarrassed in a way about how she was actually deep for a moment there, as if she sort of puts up a front of tomboyishness. I hope that made sense? Ha ha. I'm also enjoying reading about Oliver Wood. In this story, he's a lot different than he is in my own imagination. But I'm quite all right with that. I think you're doing a great job!

I only had one little thought on this chapter. This part:

"...So we were to find a time one night to go and gaze at the stars without help from a teacher. I wasn't too worried. I was good at Astronomy.

'How was Astronomy, Hollie?' Nick asked me at dinner."

It almost seems as if there needs to be a bit of a transition paragraph in there. I was involved in reading about her astronomy class and then all of a sudden they were at dinner. Maybe if you put a little transition paragraph about how class ended and she had to go down to dinner, or something along those lines? Just a suggestion, nothing to majorly fret over :)

Anywho, as I said, keep up the wonderful work!! I'm onto the next chapter!

BusinessJournal

Author's Response: You're very right, actually, she does put up a front of immaturity and tomboyishness. She does not want to grow up. She has Peter Pan syndrome bad, hahah. Yeah I wrote Oliver different than most portrayals because I didn't want to write him as really cocky or anything like that. I like those Olivers, too, but that's not how I wanted mine.

Mmm. I'm horrible at transitions. You'll find that as you keep reading, haha. I'll definitely try to smooth that over when I get around to editing(:

Thanks for the great review!


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Review #17, by BusinessJournalOn the Brink of Insanity: Pepper Up Overdose

17th June 2010:
Hello again! :)

I really liked this chapter, I had a smile on my face whilst reading it without even noticing! Until I finished reading, and my face was all sore. Anyway, I really like Hollie's Ravenclaw point of view of George Weasley in this chapter. Everyone always thinks of the twins as awesome and hilarious and wonderful, but it was great reading another perspective. I also love the little Oliver Wood part at the end, with the running into each other and the blushing and whatnot. I love that Hollie's saying how it's unhealthy to obsess over something (Quidditch, being this example), and yet she's sitting there obsessing over something herself, all the while in complete denial. Very cute.

I have one little... suggestion, if you will. If I remember correctly, electronics don't work in Hogwarts, so the camera thing... not so sure about that. Unless it was one of those cameras that takes the moving photos... in that case, disregard this whole thing ;)

Keep up the good writing!

BusinessJournal

Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad it made you smile. This review is making me smile, actually! Hollie does sort of have a warped since of herself compared to reality. I'm glad you caught onto that.

And yep, it was a magical camera! I tried to explain the movement of the picture in the description, but it came off a bit confusing which would explain this(:

Thanks for the review!


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Review #18, by BusinessJournalOn the Brink of Insanity: You Gotta Get With My Friends

17th June 2010:
Hello! BusinessJournal here from the forums :)

I don't have heaps to say about this one, it was very well written! This was a great introductory chapter. I thoroughly enjoyed a couple of the character descriptions, especially the one about Topher. I've never read a story with Oliver Wood and Roger Davies and whatnot (whonot?), but I'm very intrigued so far :) You had lovely spelling and grammar, and I didn't catch any errors within this chapter. I'm very much looking forward to where the story is going, keep up the good work!

BusinessJournal :)

Author's Response: Thanks a ton. I'm glad you like the character descriptions, and yes, Topher is a favorite among the readers. He's silly(: Thanks again for the review!

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Review #19, by BusinessJournalWe Gryffies: The Epoch of Incredulity

5th November 2008:
'If Hufflepuff win, all the kittens in the world will die.'

HAHA AHAH HAHAHAHA OOHH HAH. That made me laugh so much it's sick. Brill, as usual. :D I loved the Guy Fox reference. Nice touch. I can't wait for the next chappie, as usual! You never fail to make my day with each new chapter.

Author's Response: YES, someone finally noticed the Guy Fawkes reference!! (It's my favorite joke from this chapter.) Aww, your review has made MY day. =D

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Review #20, by BusinessJournalWhisper Words Of Wisdom: Goodbye

17th October 2008:
Hello again :)

So, again nice chapter :D Very sad, but nicely written. I don't have heaps to say, but here it is anyway XD One tiny little critique; Sirius wouldn't have been at Lily's and James' funerals because he would have been in Azkaban at the time :) Other than that, this is becoming a nice unique story. I've never thought of having another world like this behind the veil, and it's quite intriguing to think about it. I'd almost like to know more about the elves, as I don't exactly have much knowledge on the topic XD Anyway, again good chapter :) Keep it up!

Author's Response: Thank you :)

I'll try to fix the Sirius/Azkaban thing as a few others have noticed... (ssh, lol)

I hope it says unique and doesn't fall into the dreaded 'cliche' pit, but I plan on working very hard to prevent that. Me and my wonderful beta of course :)

Because people seem interested in the Elven part of my story, I was thinking I might write a spin off about the whole conflict as I go. Ah, it's just an idea.

Thanks again.

-Sara


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Review #21, by BusinessJournalWhisper Words Of Wisdom: 'Till Death Do Us Part...

17th October 2008:
Hello, BusinessJournal here from the forums :)

So, I thought this this was a very intriguing plot, and very unique. It's definitely not something I would usually read, but like I said, it has me intrigued! I wanted to know how Sirius and Bain got together, however. Perhaps you'll tell us that in future chapters though :) You have nice dialogue and a nice writing style, I just caught a number of technical errors. There were LOTS of one-sentence paragraphs in there that perhaps you could make into a larger, 5 sentence paragraph. I found quite a few tiny spelling mistakes, like "it's" that should be "its" and "to" that should be "too", just little things. But overall, it was a lovely start, keep on writing!

Author's Response: I'm glad you're intrigued :) It was my first fic ever so I wanted to start with something really out there!

I plan on including in later chapters the back story of Bein and Sirius, as from what I planned, it is interesting...

I'm horrible at spelling so thank you so much for pointing them out! I'll try to fix them asap!

Thanks again for taking the time to review!

-Sara


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Review #22, by BusinessJournalDescent: The Orphan

16th October 2008:
Hello again!

Aw :( I'm so intrigued though about how Oliver died! Once again, not heaps to say but I'll leave a review nonetheless :). Poor Lica!! :( I'm sure that's how I would be if my father died too. I can't even image, and you wrote her emotions beautifully. I was serious when I said I didn't have heaps to say ;) Great story; can't wait to read more!!

Author's Response: Hi again!
You're not the first person to ask about Oliver, but unfortunately, that's for another story rather than Mason's. How Oliver died is not important for Mason's story - it is purely here to show Mason and Lica's relationship and how close they were.
I'm so pleased you like the story and more chapters should be up soon!


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Review #23, by BusinessJournalDescent: The Courtyard

16th October 2008:
Howdy!

Not heaps to say about this one, but it was still well-written. I like how you've made Azkaban more Muggle-like. There aren't many stories where the prisoners really talk to each other like this, getting in fights and threatening each other and whatnot. It reminds me of a tele program or a movie, but in a good way! I love that Mason thinks his friends abandoned him and don't give two hoots about him (not sure if that's true or not, but still). It shows Azkaban is getting to him a little bit, and that his personality is slowly evolving. Nice touch. Yes, I'm still excited for Rosier to come!!! XD

Author's Response: Hi again!
Rosier will be getting more involved soon enough... just as soon as he finds out why Mason is there, and he's not going to be happy as you can imagine!
Thank you again for reviewing - reviews make me smile! hehe


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Review #24, by BusinessJournalDescent: The Subway

16th October 2008:
Hello again!

That was another nice chapter. Once again, great dialogue (no surprise there :))

It's a great idea you have here, jumping back and forth from past to future. It gets the reader sympathizing with Mason more, wanting so badly for him to be innocent. Arrghh, Scribo. Why am I getting the vibe he had something to do with Paige's murder? Haha, maybe I'm just completely starkers, but he gives me the heeby jeebies!

I loved, LOVED the fast food references at the end. McDougal! And a monarch selling burgers. Great fun, and again with the comic relief. I think this may have to go on my favorites right about now :) Just found one little spelling mistake:

"So how's the training going? I mean, the course is three years longs..."
I think "longs" should be "long", perhaps? :)

Anywho, I'm addicted, and off to read the next!

Author's Response: Thanks for spotting that mistake - I'll fix it asap.

As for Scribo, you're not the first person to think he's a bit suspect, but honestly, he's great!
I promise, he had nothing to do with Paige's murder, in fact, she was one of his closest friends!
I love Scribo as a character - he's so much fun to write, but I'm afraid we won't be seeing much of him in this story. I may have to write a fic just for him when I am done with Mason's!


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Review #25, by BusinessJournalDescent: The Prison

16th October 2008:
Hello once again!

Ohh! Evan Rosier! So excited for this, you've no idea!

Once again, your dialogue is impeccable; some of the best I've read on here. It flows perfectly and it's creative. I don't have heaps to say about this chapter, but I really like this plot and your writing is so inventive. You've got a knack for keeping the reader hooked. I'm so excited for Rosier to come in!! Also, I loved this:

Mason trembled at the thought of spending the rest of his life living with Death Eaters and criminals he'd brought to justice as an Obliviator.

Very nice touch, that irony. Anyway, once again, I loved it. Must read more :)

Author's Response: wow! thanks for your wonderful compliments - I'm grinning from ear to ear!
If you're liking this story, you should check out the sister story - 'Saviour' by CheleCooke. It's told from the perspective of Quinn, who'll we'll be meeting in this story in a few chapters time!


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