Yay yay finally!
Another fantastic chapter, of course! Still, best story. I'm excited for the action to pick up again.Author's Response: I'm excited for the action, too!! I can't believe how much I actually miss it... haha! It'll be a bit different from before, but D & H still have some stuff to work through! *cough - clan -cough* Thank you, doll! Report Review
Yay another chapter of my favorite story! Okay, so if I were Hermione I'd feel kind of bad about that very last part. I wouldn't want the person to feel like they have to change for me at all! Just my opinion though.
I hope these two have at least some time to relax before things get crazy again.
Can't wait for your next update!Author's Response: Your favorite!? *blush* Thank you so much! What a wonderful thing to say! Thank you for your honesty, too! I agree with you, to tell you the truth. No one should ever have to change for someone else. I do think, however, that the idea of someone WANTING to change, just because they love someone else so much, is terribly romantic!! Sigh... I just can't help it, heehee! And don't worry! H&D will get to chill very soon!
Thank you! :D Report Review
She'd regret it?? Oh dear, he wouldn't hurt her, would he? Report Review
So I started reading this whole story from the beginning about an hour ago and I realized that I have yet to leave a single review.
I must say, this story is something special. You're doing an excellent job of keeping all of the characters' personalities correct. And the plot is totally intriguing. I'm going to keep reading now!Author's Response: thank you so much. i am just glad you are enjoying the story and i hope i don't dissapoint you and that you will like the rest of the chapters as much. thanks again! Report Review
I have a question.
I'm not doubting that Draco loves Hermione, I'm just wondering why he was being so physical with her, yelling at her to shut up, calling her stupid at times. I know he did this before he confessed his love for her, but he still did LOVE her. Seems kinda odd.
And why didn't he come find her after the war instead of trying to stay away from her? Just wondering. It's been bugging me lol.Author's Response: All right, GOOD QUESTION! I often wonder why more readers don't ask questions like this! So, here's my answer: simply put, it's one of those dumb, guy things! That may sound terrible of me, but it's totally true! When he's yelling at her to shut up, and trying to make her feel stupid, it's because he HIMSELF feels that way. In effect, Draco is telling himself to shut up, because he can't stand hearing Hermione go over the terrible things he'd said and taken part in in the past. Does that make sense? SO MANY guys are like this!! It's one of the many things girls don't get about them. (myself included!)
Draco hates knowing that he had anything to do with causing Hermione pain, and before she'd come back into his life, he'd been able to pretend it'd never happened sort of. He lived his solitary life in a state of depression and denial. The same goes for why he never tried to find her. He'd convinced himself that he'd never be good enough for her, so he didn't even want to try. Sad, I know! It wasn't until he saw her again that he just began to freak out, heehee. Thus, he realized how stupid he'd been, and in a very Hermione-like way, she totally called him on it, making him flip out even more and get mad at her.
Also, his physical reaction was due in part to the fact that he'd become a werewolf and had to work SO very hard to keep himself in control. When he gets mad, his senses overload and everything kind of distorts. When he grabbed her arms, if he hadn't been paying attention, he could've broken them. I suppose I could compare it to myself getting mad about stubbing my toe, and, instead of hopping around yelling (like normal, haha!) I picked up the table I'd bumped into and threw it into the wall. A bit over the top, no? That's how I want Draco to come across; that is what he's constantly fighting against.
Well, this is the longest response I've ever left! I really hope it answers your question, and if you ever have any more don't hesitate to ask! Thank you! :D Report Review
So I just found this story late last night, and I ended staying up all night reading it, not getting once wink of sleep. It's terrific - one of my favorites, if not THE favorite. You do a great job of adding memorable original characters. You always show a different type of love very well - an extra intense love that you don't see in many stories.
Excellent job, I look forward to your updates! Make 'em quick! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! What a great review; I'm more pleased than I can say! That you like my original characters means a lot. I feel like, in fanfiction, authors throw around OC's just to get points across and have more leeway with the HP universe. That's never what I set out to do, so I'm thrilled that you really like them!
I'm also really happy that you picked up on the spin I put on H and D's love. I'm a sucker for great tales of romance that span all conceivable manners of time and space. I just can't help writing that way; I'm so glad you like it! :D Report Review
I am shocked and surprised definitely, but nowhere near hating it! It's brilliant! I am so looking forward to the next chapter. I am very eager to see where this heads! Report Review
As much as I hate Parkinson, I was happy to hear her sincerity when she stated that she'd be able to leave what she had with Draco easily for true love. That redeemed her - if only a little.
I can't wait until the next chapter! I'm so anxious to see Malfoy's reaction with Hermione shows up. :) Report Review
This chapter was cute.
Transitions between scenes I think could be done more smoothly. A lot of times it seemed a little "jerky" to me. I hope you know what I mean by that haha.
Only one more chapter? Wow, you should consider a sequel. Just a suggestion. :)Author's Response: haha thank you! i was thinking the same thing about the transitions. which is part of the reason why i think this chapter could be better. perhaps when i'm done with the story, i'll go back and fix all the errors.. thanks for the feedback!
yes, sadly, one more chapter left. i was considering making this story a trilogy... one story concerning harry and ron and the other story concerning the malfoys. i'm still considering it because i'm focused on my rose/scorpius fic right now. but a sequel will for this story will always be in the back of my mind. Report Review
Another lovely chapter by you lovely ladies!
I didn't notice anything in this one that I hadn't before. Although I probably did miss something huge. LoL.Author's Response: Break
You have read this story so many times we are surprised anything catched you be surprise!!
- C&M Report Review
your writing style is fantastic and the plot is very intriguing!
can't wait for an update! :) Report Review
So I've decided that I'm going to reread everything, just to get back into it after so long an absence! And by golly, have I missed it haha.
You know what I never noticed? That Blaise and Pansy got married! How did I miss that in the Prologue the first ten times that I read it? Seriously, I am blind!
I'm still thinking about that narrator question regarding the prologue. I lean towards Ahna still, but I'm not sure. Ugh.
I have to admit, I did swoon a little bit as soon as Dmi came in. You know me, I can't resist him.
Something disturbed me about this chapter that I never noticed before either. What was Bri getting at calling Dmi's "breeding" not so great? Was she dissing Harry and Ginny? That doesn't sound like her...Author's Response: Yes! Thats great Break! Thank you for helping us get our reviews back! We've missed it too ^_^
Blaise and Pansy did wed! They are the Zabini's parents! ^_^ You're silly.
You'll know about the narrator soon enough
We swoon too ^_^
Ah, that's a good thing to pick up on and start thinking about - looking deep into who Bri really is. Do you feel you really know?
C&M Report Review
Can't wait for more! Well done!Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
OH MY GOODNESS!!
so i just found this story last night, and i just finished. yeah, i've been reading all day long. definitely deserving of the most-addictive story! well done!
oh, and i found my new fanfiction crush. so in love with that scorpius. Report Review
Okay, I'll bite. What's going on with Hermione?! She's certainly acting really weird - and I have a guess why! (But I won't say it out loud, don't want to spoil it for anyone else if I'm right.)
Another great chapter! Keep 'em coming! :)Author's Response: Hi there. Nope, I can assure you she's not. lol Just a serious panic attack, nothing more. It really does happen. :-) But, I like the way your mind works. ;-) Thank you very much! Report Review
Lol...you had to name the Transylvania player Edward, didn't you? I love it! Haha. Another great chapter! I'm really looking forward to part 2!
xoxo breakaway494 Report Review
Ooh I loved this chapter!
This story is amazing, in my opinion. It has a great plot, great action, excellent dialogue, and an intriguing flow to it. I look forward to updates for this all the time! Keep up the great work! Report Review
I must say, I'm very glad that you asked me to review your story! I really enjoyed reading this, and I'll be keeping this as one of My Favorites. I think you have a great talent for writing. Your description, dialogue, and flow are all superb.
There were just two errors I found in this chapter. "Curiosity" was spelled incorrectly. Also, it should be "instead of reaching", not "instead of reached" for when Bella and Cissa are talking.
Great chapter, and I look forward to the rest of the story!Author's Response: And I'm glad you're reviewing it! ;) Thank you for the favorite-ism.
Thanks again for the grammar help and for your wonderful review! Report Review
Wow, another fantastic chapter! I have no complaints about this one -- simply compliments. Great suspense there in the end. Well done! I'm on to read the next one.Author's Response: Thank you!! Report Review
Hi there! It's me from the forums! I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to get to your story. I've been so busy! But better late than never, right? :)
So for the first chapter, I was immediately drawn in. I really like the fact that you have Cissa not liking Lucius at first. Everyone knows that they end up together (though I'm not sure if they will or not in this story), so readers will wonder what will happen to change things between them. I thought that you have excellent description, very vivid. I also liked your idea of the butterfly torture. It was good that you used an anecdote instead of just saying "Bella is mean."
Early on in the chapter, you have Cissa saying something to Rimy and then it says "standing in a neat brown toga." The way that part is punctuated, it sounds like Cissa is the one wearing the toga thing. I would take out the comma right before that phrase to fix that.
Great chapter! I'll go read on!Author's Response: First off I'd like to thank you for coming to review-- and all my chapters, no less! I love it when a reader tells me what they think about every chapter. :)
My story's going to be all canon, so yep, Narcissa and Lucius will (eventually) end up together.
Thank for the heads up about the toga confusion; I'll be sure to change that.
Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
Aw, Draco is soo sweet! Gosh, I love him! I really love this story so far. I like your characterization in this chapter. Ginny is awesome, to say the least. You have great dialogue and description, too.
Keep up the great work! I can't wait until chapter 8!Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you like Draco! :) Thanks for the great review. It just made my day. Chapter 8 will be up soon! Report Review
Well, I'd have to say that I do like your story so far. I like your characterization. Your descriptions and dialogue does need a bit of work, though. There were also several punctuation errors that I found, which could easily be rectified if you'd find a beta to help you.
Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that you liked it so far! I have a friend of mine who is supposed to be my beta, and I just recently sent her the chapters. Report Review
I have a short review to leave for this one.
I thought that the description was a bit odd when you said that Rachel was "the girl in comfortable sweats." It just seemed weird to me. :/
I also noticed that there doesn't seem to be much magic in your story. You use television and cell phones, but rarely mention anything about spells or wands or such.Author's Response: I know that there's not a lot of magic now, but it'll start showing up more in my story. Report Review
Well I said it in my last review too, but I'll say it again. The endings of some your dialogue lines definitely need to be fixed. No ending with commas! LoL. Last chapter it was hair color, this time around it was eye color. Perhaps trying to be a little more subtle with your descriptions? I also thought that a lot of the dialogue was unbelievable. I can't see Maddie suddenly revealing all of her secrets when Remus asked one question. Also, when guys are by themselves, they don't really talk to one another like that. At least the guys I know. I can't see the Marauders talking like that, though. I thought that Rachel's day seemed to move waaay too fast. After one day, she went through gaining a boyfriend, and then breaking up with him because he could somehow see she had a past with someone else. All in one day?
I did like that you had James mention his being a Quidditch captain. It seemed like that kind of arrogant thing he might say. I'm sure he's changed a lot, but sometimes guys just wanna show off. I liked it.
I'm sorry if I seem kinda harsh. Then again, I did warn you. :)Author's Response: Don't worry, I don't think you're harsha at all. :) I appreciate people pointing out my mistakes. I guess I have a problem with the commas. lol Report Review
Hi there! It's me from the forums. I'm so sorry it has taken so long for me to review, I've just been so busy lately. But better late than never, right? Okay, so according to my rules, I'll only review the first 5 chapters right now. If you would like to request more after I'm done, feel free!
Okay, so for this chapter --
When Lily and Rachel first come face to face, you used the phrase "she entered the apartment" twice right in a row. It's a little redundant. I also thought that throughout the whole chapter you focused a little too much on the hair color of each person. Perhaps in your descriptions you could add a little more than just hair. While I was reading I kept thinking, "Wait, so who's the blonde again?" Also, when everyone is at the apartment and talking, you have the words "What are you talking about? The ladies love me," -- and then nothing. Either substitute a period for the comma or add 'said Sirius' there. Shortly after that phrase, the word 'happily' is used twice within four words of each other.
Okay, so onto the things that I liked. I liked your characterization of Rachel. She seemed very believable to me. I thought that the obvious tension between Sirius and Rachel was very interesting and made me wonder what had happened. I also loved how you made the situation a little awkward with the very forced conversation.
Well, I'm onto review some more!Author's Response: I'm glad that you picked up the awkward tension in that conversation! That's exactly what I was looking for.
Thanks for pointing out the comma error and the repeated words. I'll try and get those fixed. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection