Reading Reviews From Member: Tonks1247
228 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Tonks1247Actions Speak Louder than Words: Breakdown: Rose POV

3rd July 2015:
Heya! So, I have to get up in a couple hours, but have decided that another review wouldn’t hurt. Because, you know, I may regret it in the morning, especially when I get distracted in other things and am still only three sentences into this review after a half an hour.

So. Ruth. I do not like her. She seems like a suspicious character. Which is actually kind of funny. Because Ruth comes in after the majority of the Stannous stuff occurs and seems unrelated to the Stannous situation but I still don’t want to trust her. Rose says a lot to her and she just…she’s suspicious. I can’t even explain why. I just get that feel about her…

As for that whole hospital, bus, apparating thing…wow. Rose being put in charge for a bit and then figuring out what seemed to be going’s intense. I feel a bit bad about it being her first loss of a patient (I work in the medical field and have lost residents in like, a nursing home setting, but they never passed away in front of me or while I was in at work or anything and I can only imagine what it will be like after I become a nurse and go through that…). I think you do a great job getting Rose’s thoughts and feelings into line with everything else that is happening in that scene.

As for Rose and Scorpius after that? Dear lord. I hope they realize if they talk to each other, things tend to work out between them better. The whole ‘let’s not talk about it curse’ really just makes life suck for the both of them and creates more problems that wouldn’t exist if they could just speak to each other.

Going right with that, Rose’s inability to speak made me roll my eyes (in a not as irritated of a way as that sounds): “I was sure the hospital staff would know about it, but if I asked them, it might lead to a discussion that I didn’t want to have.”

And, rather than ending on a favourite quote, I’d rather end with the phrase that definitely sounds like an end all situation that isn’t a bright idea (You know, the part of the horror movie where everyone screams don’t open the door, but the main character goes ahead and opens it anyways and then something pops out and everyone jumps and screams even though they knew it was going to happen? Yeah, one of those!)

“I want to go out.”


Great chapter! Quite enjoyed and I’m sure the next is going to be action packed! Hopefully I’ll be back soon to get to it! :D


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Review #2, by Tonks1247Actions Speak Louder than Words: Breakthrough: Scorpius POV

3rd July 2015:
Hiya Beth!

So. Before I get too far into this review. I need to share an observation. Every chapter title starts with the letter B. And there are a series of Break and Bound starting a couple of them. And I /just/ now realized it.

Moving on.

WHY MUST THESE QUESTIONS ALWAYS RETURN?! I don’t understand how Stannous got past the wards for the party or in Rose’s flat. Like, they are famous kids who have always needed wards, and with maybe just a smidge of paranoia from their parents, are taught to put them up right…It has to be some sort of inside job, but honest to goodness, who? Who would have it out for Rose? And anti-apparition within the flat should stop Stannous but it doesn’t. Is there something about the Anti-apparition wards that gets placed by the ministry? I wouldn’t think so, but where would he have someone on the inside?! LIKE SERIOUSLY WHY DID KALI HAVE TO BRING ALL MY QUESTIONS BACK TO MIND?!

Also, the new question: Why did Stannous take Rose for 6 days and then return her?

And I feel bad for Scorpius. This is a lot of stress about his girlfriend to have to handle. It’s too much for Rose to have to handle. Like, no one should have to handle stuff like this.

SIDE NOTE (Since I’m good at them): Colleen Creevey takes me a lot of brain power to read correctly. Could be the current hour in the morning, but Colin keeps interfering with Colleen. And that would be the end of this side note… xD

And I think that’s it for this chapter. It was shorter, but still gave rise to a lot of important questions and points! Great job!


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Review #3, by Tonks1247Actions Speak Louder than Words: Befuddled: Rose AND Scorpius POV

3rd July 2015:
Hey Beth!

Had to laugh. Definitely can tell I’m mixing some chapter reviews here, as I’ve already talked about Harry being secret keeper and trying to keep it from Ron during my last review…but you know, I have to leave reviews for all these chapters because they are just too great not to and you deserve them! So much work goes into writing a novel and I just…I have to appreciate everyone who gives them a go and keeps them updating which leads to more reviews!

(Okay, need to get on topic. Should probably go to bed now that I’ve been off work for 3 hours, but not feeling it…bear with the random xD)

I love the little side mission Al, Dom and Scorpius have, working alongside the work they already do for Auror training. Also love the mentees getting in on it too. They add an interesting dynamic that I quite enjoy. Especially with how well they work with who they are paired with. I think it makes Al, Dom, and Scorpius character’s more understandable, in a way, because it gives them someone to interact with that isn’t quite as close in relations and just overall…I kinda like them.

These two also tick me off just a little bit. Dancing around each other…in a way, it’s expected with Rose/Scorpius, but it doesn’t change the fact that they should just /talk/ to each other so everyone is on the same page. It obviously turns out better for them both if they do xD (In which case, I thank Dom for calling Rose out on it because seriously…she’s a bit slow and Scorp isn’t much better)

I’m also fascinated by the healing spell Scorpius uses. I love the lead up to it and how Scorpius recognizes the limits and just talks Rose through her panic. And then he brings up trying something, and this spell…it’s fascinating. It adds such a dimension to the Malfoy family, with it being a spell that’s passed on…(I’m not quite sure if dimension is the word I want but ancient stuff like that getting passed on adds something to the Malfoy name, you know?) Also, the fact that he uses it more so to make Rose feel better than to make her look better…it just made me smile with how sweet he is!

(Did I also mention that the way I imagine Scorpius talking to Rose and calling her Ro kinda gets to me and makes me smile like an idiot? Like, it’s so freaking adorable and it’s really just great!)

The other thing I wanted to add, from my first read through: Ruth unsettles me. She seems to make things personal, with use of just her first name, and with Rose telling her things as her therapist…I don’t like it. I don’t know why, but I definitely don’t…

AND. My favourite parts of my reviews. My favourite line (though any of Scorpius’ commentary here makes me giggle):

“You smell good,” I commented when I could detect the scent of lavender wafting off her locks. Did that sound weird? I don’t want her to think I’m some sort of a creep.”

Haha, great job with this chapter! I’m thinking at least one more before I go to sleep…


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Review #4, by Tonks1247The Rules of Motherhood: Parties and Kisses

30th June 2015:

So, looking over my ‘currently reading’ stories, I noticed this one was updated while I was on vacation. Which is awesome because I have some time before work to read and review today, and I always love the opportunity to start that process with stories that I’m waiting for new chapters of. So here we go.

I like the setup of this chapter. I like the idea of Molly and Arthur going to this party where Molly wants to announce to everyone what everyone already knows. I mean, it’s sort of unfortunate as Molly should be able to decide when to tell people, and to do so of her own accord. Mostly because many times people don’t announce their pregnancies until they’re well through their first trimester, to anyone other than their significant other, but it really just gave grounds for more character development, and I don’t think the plot is that far out there. I can see Arthur becoming a little overexcited and setting up a party to announce it so that everyone knows and is on the same page. Just unfortunate that he got the bad end of a temper and alcohol.

I think the only part that got me, just a bit, was the fact that Molly’s mum told Arthur she was pregnant. Definitely not how I expected him to find out, though how else he could of is beyond me. I’m interested to see if that point is important later on and if other things come from it…really, really interesting plot point…

There were a few nitpicky things I picked up on:

“It was almost as if the book was her own special secret, and now that it was in her life it was joined by the little secret that she was writing again.” There should be a comma after life

“She did not tell Arthur that she had it. Then again, she didn’t tell Arthur that she was pregnant either. There were some things that everybody she just wasn’t prepared to tell him – not yet anyway.” –Partly putting this here because I love this paragraph. It is worded so delicately and I just…I like the way it sounds when it’s read. But that last sentence…well, I think there is a word missing. I know what you’re trying to say, it’s just not fully in there. So that would be something to look at.

“Molly smiled halfheartedly as followed her husband out the door of the flat.” –missing the word ‘she’ after as.

Despite those things, I quite enjoyed this chapter. You’re progressing the plot well and I’m looking forward to seeing how things play out as time goes on!


Author's Response: Hello Micaela!

Thank you so much for the review. It is super flattering to know that my story is on your currently reading list and that you are so excited for new chapters.

I'm glad that you liked the setup of this chapter and found it believable. It's the kind of situation that makes me go "GRR, human beings! Why can't you communicate??" But that's kind of the place Arthur and Molly are in. They mean well, but don't necessarily communicate well.

Thank you very much for the typo and grammar notes. Some of them were mentioned by other readers - there's an update in the queue, and I'll add these too.

I hope to have another chapter I'm being so productive right now, as I have so many chapters from different stories waiting for the queue.

Thanks again!


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Review #5, by Tonks1247Dragged Under: A jump back

29th June 2015:

Was lingering around the forums before work today and saw someone had posted a new story and figured, since I had time, I’d hop on over and give it a read. So, here I am. And here we go!

Wow. So, I start reading and it’s like, this super dark thing and Regulus is drinking this potion and in so much pain and this other character is experiencing it all with him and it’s intense. I was seriously like, on edge reading as this occurred and how he then moved to the water and then died and just…it was an intense bit. Having it in second person, which is currently my favourite POV to both read and write in, added to the strength of the section because it really made me feel like the character felt. It was excellent.

Then jump back in time to Quidditch (Though, how much time? What year is Regulus in?). I like the set up you have, with the introduction of characters. Especially because I’m not quite sure which of them, besides Regulus, was significant in the first part. I’m thinking Alexandra is the female in the first part from the hints, but I actually quite like that it’s not definitively said. It adds more curiosity to the story and pulls me to want to read more to find out how things made it to that point and how things had changed. But. Characterization is good so far. I get a good feel as to your characters and how they interact with each other. I like the dynamic so far and I’m sure it will develop further as time goes on.

There were a couple of things here and there that I noticed. One of the big things is there were a couple moments of tense changes. They weren’t anything major, but it may be something to give a quick read through to fix. There were also a couple of areas where commas or semi-colons or something would help with the flow of sentences, as sometimes the rate and rhythm of reading was a bit choppy without them. One example of that would be this sentence:

“But the last time you discussed the issue, the date of the deed was close enough you could already feel him slipping away.” There could be a comma or semi-colon after enough, with a little editing, or even the word ‘and’ could be placed there to help the sentence flow a bit better.

There were a couple other grammar-y, word choice things that I noticed as well, that lead to a bit of awkward wording:

“…but you can’t stop the tears from streaming down your eyes.” –maybe down your face, rather than eyes

“He looks her in her brown eyes and smiles.” – ‘He looks into her brown eyes and smiles’ flows a bit better and isn’t so wordy or a mouthful to read

“She knew well he was going to argue to spend more time with her, but she won’t allow it.” Having the well placed where it is in this sentence makes it awkward to read, so maybe reorganizing words a bit would help it flow better

Another thing I noticed towards the end was that Flinch said fifth years and up off the pitch, but then Regulus describes fifth years on the pitch while flying still. Something to look at?

That’s about it for what I noticed, and much of the grammar stuff I was being nitpicky about. But besides those little things, you have the makings of a really great plot and you’ve introduced your characters well. I like what you have going so far and it should be interesting to see where you take it forward and how things happen from here! Great job!


Author's Response: Hello,

Thank for the review :D

I'm sorry about the confusion with the fifth year, it was supposed to be a third year not fifth but I got carried away and I didn't even notice. Thank you for pointing that out, I will edit right away.

I always go over my chapters and edit them to make them more coherent and easy to read so thank you for pointing out a few of my mistakes and I will take them into consideration.

I'm glad you think my plot is solid and my characters are well introduced ^^ That really cheers me up and helps me to keep on writing. I'm sure when you continue reading you will get to know them better.

Thank you for taking some of your time to read my story and I hope you will come back for more :D

I appreciate every review and take into consideration every remark ^^


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Review #6, by Tonks1247Actions Speak Louder than Words: Back to the Beginning: Rose POV

29th June 2015:
Beth! I’m back! Took me a while, as I was going to read and review another chapter the other night, but then another event for the house cup started and then I left on vacation which, turns out, did not provide me with much wifi as I expected to have, and so bring us to now, where I’ve since found some time to get some reviews going again. YAY!

And, just before I go into this chapter, your review responses have been the greatest things ever! I have absolutely adored reading them as they make me smile and giggle a bit! I’m glad you’ve enjoyed reading them and hope I can continue to leave some fun reviews, maybe even catch up to how far I’ve actually read (I may have finished reading all of the chapters and am just jumping back through to drop reviews and thoughts on chapters but then again maybe not, but it’s a definite possibility…;) ).

So. This chapter. That was a good wind down from the previous intensity that had me all but leaping out of my seat in anticipation of what was to come. I like how you slowed it down but still had some anxiousness and stuff in this chapter. And by that I mean, you have Rose waking up and sort of freaking out on Scorpius as she hadn’t known it was him with her. She also has some of that anxiety as she then has to relive parts of her fears in order to go speak to Harry and fill him in on what has happened. I liked how it was present, but not overwhelming, because it continued to set up the fact that Rose is super anxious about everything that is going on and unfolding when she tried so hard to hide it in her past, but at the same time, there is time to settle down and be okay and see that things are trying to be worked out to be better.

I love that Scorp and her both took a day off to be with each other and just to unwind. I kind of sort of really adore Rose and Scorpius together in this and for them to have this time and to try to sort through their emotions and expectations and just being people for a day. Also love how Scorpius still has that calming effect and the description and approach you take to those instances are quite fantastic as their consistent with his character and hers and just…you do quite a lovely job of keeping Rose and Scorpius in this relationship that maintains itself, despite all the changes going on.

Also, this whole not telling Ron thing…I don’t know how well this will work out. I mean, the whole Rose/Scorp thing…well…it should be interesting. Especially with moving them to Grimmauld Place with the fidelius charm…Harry as secret keeper isn’t the most difficult, as Harry can just be like hey, they’re moving here so they don’t know it’s under the fidelius charm, but just…I don’t know. With Hermione’s history with Malfoy manner…well, I’m going under an assumption that Rose isn’t in on that whole situation that occurred…

Also. Love Rose and Harry. I really really do like how their relationship is so close and that Rose is comfortable to let him in on things and reassure him when she, herself, needs her own reassurances. It’s just nice to have that father/daughter thing going on, as I’ve previously mentioned…

And, to close out here, my favourite line from this chapter…

“I was playing a fool’s game, thinking that I could actually be normal.”

Okay, favourite may be a bad term as all it makes me want to do is smack Rose because we all know it’s not true, even though she’s in denial, and her and Scorpius would be perfect, will be when she finally gives in and just…well…yeah. Fool’s game is what they make it out to be xD

Great job with this chapter! :D


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Review #7, by Tonks1247Growing Up Magical: Hermione

29th June 2015:
Hermione is adorable. Just the know it all attitude, as a kid just starting primary school, who wants nothing more than not to get in trouble and just to be right…it’s so fitting! I love her correcting Nora about the drawing of the pigs, and not wanting to colour anymore for fear of other improperly coloured animals, only to then turn around and claim cooties aren’t real…just made me laugh. So canon, so Hermione, and just…such a little kid thing!

Also, adore how all the other kids Hermione interacts with sound like kids that would be in that five year old age range. It’s not easy to write or think like a child, but I feel you pull it off well with all of the other children that Hermione speaks with and gets upset because of. I’ve heard some very similar things out of my nieces and nephews as they’ve grown up and you just…you did really well writing from the perspective of Hermione as a child, dealing with other children.

This really was quite fantastic. It was well written, full of Hermione-ish mannerisms and just…I absolutely adored it! Especially her little bit of magic while dealing with the boys! Just too great!

Favourite lines from this chapter, which were nearly impossible to narrow down to just these three, are:

“She didn’t know if it would be odd or not to smell the crayons, and so refrained from sticking her nose right in the box, but the temptation was overwhelming.”

“…it was like a small society all its own, with its own governing body and its own set of rules.”

“You’ll catch cooties and then you’ll get ammonia and then you’ll die.”

HAHAH! I absolutely adore this! It was quite fantastic! Cannot wait to get through some more chapters and more characters!


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Review #8, by Tonks1247Empty Chairs at Empty Tables: Where My Friends Will Sing No More

29th June 2015:

Just thought I’d, you know, throw the warning that I’m not trying to creep on your page and just read all of your amazing stories. Just so happens that they’re towards the top of my list, I have limited wifi and can only read and review what I leave open on my internet tabs on my tablet…that, and again, your stories are amazing and I want to read more of what you’ve provided me to read and I figure you may appreciate some reviews, just cause they’re always fun, right? So…yeah…not creeping…just in love with your writing and need to read more. It’s cool.

Haha. So. On topic.

I was not prepared for that. Just….just…what? Why was I not warned that I was about to go through one of the most tragic but beautiful but terrible but awe inspiring journey ever? This walk through lives that were changed, just as everyone else’s was, but in such a different but so similar way…it was honestly heart breaking to think about how people on the other side feel the same things. Like, good side or bad, there are still loses and mourning and heartache. I always knew no one won a war, as everyone faced the consequences, but to have it dealt out as you’ve just done it…I just…I can’t even process what you’ve forced into my mind.

You do a great job of delving into the mind of Narcissa Malfoy, and highlighting what she saw and felt, and keeping it consistent. Even when she was lost in the past, seeing who she loved how she loved them most, how they were together best…just it flowed in and combined with the present so well. You didn’t definitively have it marked, when she was in past or present, but it was very clear throughout the chapter when things were taking place. It was really beautiful, how you crafted this story to have that distinction strong without clear breaks in the writing.

Also, just any of Narcissa Malfoy…you picked up her character and gave her so much grace but left her human all the while. You let her feel and pushed her character into something I never imagined from her. She was so insightful about how the world was viewed, how her side wasn’t necessarily wrong—they just had different expectation and a view of the world that they pushed on others just as much as it was pushed on them. It was really insightful, to see it so well worded and displayed by Narcissa.

Seriously. I now feel like I’m ranting, and way off base, but just…you did something beautiful and unexpected with a character I feel is never rightly justified in the series. You make her human, a person who has feelings and who others can relate to, even with her rough exterior and reputation due to her family name. It was refreshing to see her character like this, and I just…I love what you’ve done and how it’s written and just…it’s lovely.

Closing out with my favourite lines, which I could not narrow down between these four because just…you’re amazing:

“Doesn’t everyone, in the end, deserve to be mourned?”

“At the end of war, both sides are hurt, both sides have their dead, both sides carry the same scars.”

“...before sides started to be taken and lines were drawn in blood.”

“Was that what glory was? Making shadows out of men?”

Fantastic job! I quite enjoyed the read and am glad I’m getting to read through stories on my list!


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Review #9, by Tonks1247House of Cards: Three of Hearts

29th June 2015:
Hey! So. Now I’m home with wifi again, which makes these reviews much easier, but when I originally read and reviewed this, I was not even a quarter of the way home and my nieces were not happy to be locked in the car (Both under the age of 8) for the next 10 hours and I was handwriting this review in a notebook. So bear with me (and it). xD

I love your writing. Pretty sure I’ve mentioned that in just about every review I’ve left, but I can’t help it. I love the style of your writing and how dialogue and description are balanced and each chapter has an unique feel to it and how you can change that feel so easily with your word choice. It honestly makes reading so much more enjoyable and I just love it, I really do.

With this chapter, characterization is huge. You’ve given such great voices to Sirius, Barty Crouch, Bellatrix and Regulus. I can tell from the dialogue alone who is speaking and I get a feeling of where trouble could possibly be brewing *Cough*Barty*cough*. I also know each character as an individual that would not easily be confused as another. I like the distinction and I can’t wait to see how it continues as other characters are better introduced and more present.

Also, the relationships between characters you build, and their interactions, specifically with Sirius, Barty and Regulus, is interesting. You have Sirius and Regulus, who are brothers that have to deal with each other, and then Barty and Regulus, who are best friends and hang out all the time, and then Sirius and Barty, who, honestly, don’t have much connections at all, besides Regulus. And that part of the interaction, with Barty and Sirius not really on the same level, adds a dynamic to this story that I’m excited to see developed further. Especially because Barty comes to Sirius with this mystery (Is it even really a mystery? Did something as bad as they say actually happen? Or is Barty being problematic and starting rumours to rile everyone up? Who knows if there’s actually more to this story…) but doesn’t want to bring Regulus into….like, this whole whose guilty thing, if they’re guilty, wanting to keep everyone a suspect but automatically discluding himself and Sirius from that suspect pool…I cannot wait to see where this is going.

And sweet Bella….haha, her and Sirius are just fascinating. I don’t know if it’s more so because it plays into the Barty creating rumours thing, or if it’s just because Bellatrix honest to goodness terrifies me, or what, but like, that interaction was kind of creepy and I really want to see Bellatrix more in later chapters…like, I’m super curious to see because she’s also kinda acting suspicious, which just may be her or maybe something more…

I did find two nitpicky things that you may want to look at:

“-so if I were him, I’d probably say something like ‘it was just a heart problem which wasn’t caught early enough or a quick fatal heart attack or something.” With this section, you use the apostrophe symbol to quote a saying but don’t close the quoted material. So you either want the apostrophe symbol after enough, with another set before a and after attack, or just get rid of it all together. (Super nitpicking. Sorry!)

“A sigh crashing out of his mouth, Sirius pushes himself too his feet…” Too should be to.

Other than those two little things, this chapter was fantastic! Cannot wait to come back and read another one! This story has me and I so dearly want to read more…

Favourite part was Sirius referring to the cynical voice in his head as Remus! Could not help but laugh at that inner commentary.

Great job!


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Review #10, by Tonks1247House of Cards: Two of Spades

29th June 2015:
Oh. Wow.

(You know, I’ve thought time and time again that maybe I should start my reviews with something more articulate than sounds and one word sentences of shock and amazement but then I read something and go to start a review and my mind is blank except those words and just…writing reviews is not as easy as expected…)

This whole thing…seriously, wow. First, I adore the title. House of Cards? Black family chaos? Brilliant! Also love how all the chapter titles are cards. Like, perfect. I love how you took something so simple and every day and decided to use it and incorporate it like this. It really fascinated me, and the title was one of the many things that drew me in. (Saying that, you have other stories similarly titled in this fashion as well…Knight Takes Queen, I’m pretty sure is the another which I just read…and I love the title thing. It’s brilliant)

Onto the story itself? I love your character introduction. You don’t take the time to slow things down and introduce people. You jump right into the situation, get characters involved and the problem introduced. No messing around. It’s brilliant, even more so that all of your characters are easy to differentiate. So many personalities and mannerisms but you kept them all straight and made the clear to everyone else. I’m excited to see how it works as time goes on…

As for description and imagery and emotion and everything…you did brilliantly in this. I was so drawn in by your writing (as I think I tend to be…) that I was lost in what I was reading. I enjoyed taking the journey, of walking to the study, of being in a locked room and talking with these characters…I have no idea how you’ve managed this style of writing, but you should know I’m quite jealous and need to learn of this type of writing genius…

Some of my favourite description and imagery, by the way? The whole up the staircase and remembering dinner thing. Oh. My. Gosh. I am pretty sure this little paragraph, this section, was my most favourite thing ever. Just…the wording, and description, and the comparisons…they were so flawless and I can honestly say I have not seen death talked about so elegantly. It was amazing.

What else…Oh, I have one minor thing. Could just be me. I don’t sleep much at night because my nieces don’t have quiet indoor voices at 7am…but this part here: “Thick, midnight blue drapes hang either side of huge, arched windows which line the whole of the wall, metal candelabras standing between each one.” –Beginning of this sentence. I think you need the word ‘on’ or something similar between hang and either.

Besides that one thing, this was really entertaining. I love what you have started and I cannot wait to see where you take it! And, as I finish up here, two lines that I adored…

“Who, in this family of wolves, has bathed their hands in the blood of one of their own?”

“…for no one can catch a fictional killer.”

Great job! Hopefully will have time (and wifi) for another soon…


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Review #11, by Tonks1247Knight Takes Queen: King

29th June 2015:

Oh wow. That was excellent. I just…I wasn’t quite sure of what to expect with this chapter, with it being named King and just…I loved what you’ve constructed here. I love how it is Rowena with her siblings she’d grown to, Helga and Godric, and how she’s comfortable and okay with them. I love how she looks to comfort Helga, just as much as Helga intends to comfort her about her coming death. It really is quite sweet and just…I love how you word it and piece it together and build a relationship that is soon to fade away. I don’t know how you’ve managed it in so few words either…but just…good job!

There was one spot that kinda tripped me up while reading…

“…for the eternity which is waiting for you, seems to be shrinking with each second which ticks past.” –Maybe it’s me and my word choice issues, but I think maybe the second ‘which’ in this sentence should be ‘that’. I may just be how it reads to me, so if you rather like it how it is, you can leave it.

Past that little thing, which may not even be a thing, you had a flawless piece of work. I love how all of the chapters build off of each other, even with the chapters being different moments of time. They really give me a great understanding of Rowena and just…I love it. It was really lovely.

Favourite lines:

“You are tumbling down and down and down a spiral, stone keeping you turning, your crown falling from your head – or perhaps it was not there to begin with; you cannot remember which one is the truth.”

“It is not the time to be selfish; wounds inflicted now will last forever, etched into both your souls.”

Great job! Can’t wait to get onto some other works of yours! :D


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Review #12, by Tonks1247Knight Takes Queen: Bishop

29th June 2015:
This chapter, again, was amazing. I love the way your chapters are so laid back and easy to read and get into. It makes it quite enjoyable to just sit back, enjoy the sun and a story that’ll keep me entertained for as long as it goes on. It’s quite lovely.

Rowena, again, is just a fascinating witch. Having her growing up in a time where witchcraft is so unacceptable, and how it’s more of the name and presumed reputation that gets her into more trouble than anything else, and how it’s with everyone around…it’s difficult to imagine times like that, but you do a good job illustrating it. You have other descriptions involving how Rowena feels with this reputation above her and I just…I love it! One of my favourite lines included:

“You were lost and cursed and bound for fire, and outside the rain lashed down, as if to mourn the loss of your soul.”

I don’t know why this line stuck out, but just…I liked the feel it had at the point in the story it came up and just…it really fit her feelings and put a feeling into the chapter. It then was interesting to see how that feeling changed and developed as Rowena became comfortable just being herself after she ran away from home. She became more content to just be herself and let the magic be there and I could feel it as the story went on. It was quite lovely.

I really enjoyed this chapter, much like the last, and I cannot wait to get onto the next. I absolutely love the style this is written in!


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Review #13, by Tonks1247Knight Takes Queen: Rook

29th June 2015:
Oh. My. Gosh. I have so missed your writing. And just the awe it instils in me and how I finish reading and don’t even know where to begin with my review because…just…it’s all so beautiful and well put together and just…I love it so much and have missed reading things like this so terribly….

Seriously. I absolutely love what you have set up here. I can honestly say I don’t know a lot about what’s actually going on. No idea really, as there aren’t names (Okay, Rowena is mentioned in the story characters, so I have that, despite not having it on initial read due to my wifi issues…), or real meanings to what’s going on but at the same time, it’s perfect because it gives me a feeling and puts me into how it feels to be in this place and feeling just like this character does and I was just so enthralled and fascinated by what was going on. I seriously was so lost in your words and descriptions and feelings that I could not process much else. It was a great little escape and now has me filled with questions about who it is and what was going on and why things fell as they did…This was absolutely breath taking.

I will admit, there were a couple sentences early on that read weird to me, mostly because they were so long (not that /any/ of the sentences in this review are much better…). It felt odd not having breaks in them, but at the same time, the ones further on were fine and I’m thinking it’s just because I had to get into the feel of the story. Not quite sure, and looking back? Can’t find any of them, so I would say they’re fine and nothing to worry about. Just me and taking extra time to sort things out in my head…

AND! My favourite part of reviews…my favourite line!

“How many times have you seen that look on your own face? How many times have you felt it curl around your heart, pushing against the restraints society demands you wear?”

I also actually quite enjoyed the last line of this chapter and was just so fascinated with what you’ve completed. Quite excellent! Cannot wait to jump in and read more!


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Review #14, by Tonks1247Illuminations: Alfajores

29th June 2015:

So, I’m just hanging out, on vacation with a bit of spare time to read, so I figured why not get some reading and reviewing done? (Although, I’m pretty sure I won’t have the WiFi to post this review until I’m home…which is entirely besides the point) I only have a massive list of things on my to-read list, things that I just haven’t gotten around to…

So. Here we go. This was quite an interesting read. I have honestly not read anything relating to any of the professors at Hogwarts, or anything about other wars, or about Pomona or anything. Therefore, having an open opportunity to read about these characters and how they interact and get along and gossip, just like anyone else, was really entertaining. It really made the characters seem human, and just as prominent and important as the characters we hear a lot about.

Pomona’s character was fascinating. Her feelings, of not being old enough or in the same professional position as Dumbledore were well played. I could see, at moments, exactly how she felt as if he was her professor again, feeling as if she did something wrong. It was so fitting and so well played.

The other character I absolutely adored was Dumbledore. His characterization was so spot on and I could definitely feel how canon he felt in your writing. He was so distinct and so Dumbledore-like. It was fantastic. I especially like his reaction, and even the interaction, between Pomona and Dumbledore. I’m assuming this is right after Dumbledore defeated Grindlewald and just…Dumbledore’s emotion and lack of an ability to put words to what he had to do and Pomona understanding that there was a line and something she didn’t know…it was well illustrated.

Also, the end of that conversation? Dumbledore was much too entertaining, with his commentary about messing about in other people’s private lives with his: “I must admit, I think it is high time someone did, otherwise certain of them would never get anywhere.” Made me giggle a bit!

Also have two other lines that I absolutely adored and had to share:

“Her mother would have been scandalised, Pomona knew, though there were a lot of things Pomona had done in her life which would scandalise her mother if she found out about them. This could just join the list.”

“Dwelling on past possibilities will only make the pain of them linger.”

This was quite the entertaining read and I’m glad I got time to swing by. Great job!


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Review #15, by Tonks1247Disorderly Conduct: Exposure

24th June 2015:
Hey! Saw your post on the forums and decided to stop by. I saw this new story and decided it was a good one to stop by!

I really like what you have going so far. Lydia's introduction is great! She's a character I feel was introduced well, with plenty of opportunity for difficulties. She obviously has a bit going on with how she interprets the world and it's good to see she has someone to help her through.

James' character was also introduced well. I like the feel his character has nd his interaction with Lydia. Plenty to build off of and to see more of.

There were two nit picky grammar things I wanted to mention:

"Well why else would I do it?" -Comma between well and why

"She asked with a tut and chuckle trying to force herself to lighten up." -Comma between chuckle and trying.

Other than those few nitpicky things, this was a great introduction! I quite enjoyed it. Great job!


Author's Response: Hello Mikaela,
Thank you for reviewing my story, it really means a lot! I was asked on the forums to do an OCD story and agreed with the little research and first hand accounts I knew of how an Obsessive Compulsive person reacts to the world around them and I wanted to write the story without labeling her right away. Thank you for assuring me James and Lydia mesh well.

You found the errors too. Sorry about that. I wrote and posted the whole thing via iPhone and after I pasted the story in I couldn't add commas. I plan on fixing the bugs as soon as I get ahold of a laptop! Thank you again for taking the time to review my story dear.


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Review #16, by Tonks1247A Single Point In Time: 1982

20th June 2015:
Heya! I have returned, coming from the BvB Review battle!

I have been anticipating having some time to pop over and read another chapter. Albus' chapter still floats through my mind, making me think and wonder what else this story could have in store. And this chapter? This chapter was no disappointment.

Petunia is such a difficult character, I feel. Maybe it's because I've never given much thought to writing her character or even to how her character feels or interprets things...but it really does baffle me how her and her sister were and how she really doesn't miss her, in any terms of the word miss. I mean, I knew thier relationship was rocky, but I couldn't even imagine not missing someone who was once so close...Although, it is obvious that it bothers her, with her not sleeping all night long, but just...I couldn't even imagine.

I'm torn on how to feel about her interaction with Harry as well. She doesn't know how to comfort him, doesn't know if she really wants to and just...her indicision is easy to feel and I can't help but feel sorry for Harry, and for her, just a little bit.

Overall, this was really lovely. I love the new thought process it put in my head and was amazing. I loved it!


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Review #17, by Tonks1247Feel Again: Feel Again

20th June 2015:
Oh my gosh. Give me like, 10 seconds to put myself back together and to stop the goose bumps from spreading across my body. And the shiver down my spine. It'll all end and I won't feel like crying anymore...

This. This whole thing just. Wow. You fit emotions and confusion and understanding and the need to feel loved and supported when you started feeling like everyone was against you...I can't even put words to it all rushing around in my head. This was amazing. I love James' character, his voice, his thoughts...he's really unique and the whole perspective of what happened, though we don't quite know, is just amazing. This was amazing. And I'm not sure repeating the same phrase over and over again will explain just how I feel...

Amazing job! I'm in awe!


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Review #18, by Tonks1247Through the Half-Moon Spectacles: Preparing for What is to Come

20th June 2015:

This was really interesting. You give a lot with Albus' character and how he tries, even in the afterlife, to put others into consideration. He doesn't speak with Snape, doesn't try to appear awake and it's's so fitting of Dumbledore, in a way. Also, totally am in awe at the idea that the Portraits are able to communicate through thought. Like. It's totally blowing my mind, that idea. It's amazing and brilliant and just...good idea!

I also feel you do well discussing Snape, and his struggles and impatience. You wrote his character well and you really made it seem as though this scene could have actually taken place in the books. It's really fascinating and it was quite enjoyable!

There was one sentence that I just could not work out. It may just be my brain capacity (with so little sleep, I'm pretty much useless) but I cannot figure out what it's saying though I think I get the general picture: "Severus, who was unaware or was not paying mind to what Severus, would term them as, 'nosy spectators,' stared up at him, Albus, before the desk."

Other than my confusion at that sentence, this was quite the enjoyable story!

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #19, by Tonks1247Strangers in the End: Where is Home

20th June 2015:

Oh my gosh. This just...this definately just broke my heart. I mean, I always knew Hermione would go back for her parents but the thought never crossed my mind that she wouldn't completely be able to reverse the spell she put on them to make them forget. It's just so hard because I currently work with people who have Alzheimer's Disease and thier moments of knowing are so random and sometimes so short, or just long enough to know somethings's really a tragic thing and you've illistrated how tragic it could be so easily within this chapter.

The fact that she then dedicates herself to being thier caretaker is amazing too. I see how family sometimes struggle with thier loved one not knowing them and sometimes it breaks my heart. And for her to then have to deal with her father's death, if he didn't realize her as his daughter most of the heart hurts at the thought of it. It's so tragic and just...a cruel twist of fate!

I did find one nitpicky thing, that may just be writers preference: "When the door opens, and your mother stands before you with a tired, yet a welcoming smile on her face, it makes it officially a year since you’ve returned home." -I don't think you need the 'a' before welcoming smile. It makes the sentence read a bit weird..

Overall, this was quite fantastic! You broke my heart and it was lovely!

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #20, by Tonks1247Undeniable: Undeniable

20th June 2015:
Oh my gosh. That was almost the most cruel 500 words of my life. I start reading this, thinking about Tonks and her mom and how they get along and how her mom always knows her. I think about what it means, to not have a definite identity, something that was distinctly you as you could be anyone you encounter and any look you want. And then suddenly you're talking about Teddy and how Andromeda is noticing the same things in him as he did in her. All the little details of Tonks Andromeda sees in Teddy just seriously hurt my heart, just a little bit. So, so sad that she must see that and only wish her daughter could see her son, and who he'd become...

Quite the powerful turn around in 500 words. I know things can happen that fast, but emotions have been fooled! Great job!

Before I go, my favorite quote, as it's so eloquently written and just really lovely with honesty and truth: "You could make yourself gorgeous without pausing, but you quickly learned that beauty did not guarantee you happiness."

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed this, and felt touched by it! That's just about the best thing I could wish for, when it comes to what I want a reader's reaction to be. I'm fairly certain I wrote this all in one sitting, I just got into Andromeda's mindset and felt the story flow out immediately (If only that could happen all the time!) I hope some of that ease translated into the way the story reads, so it's always nice to hear that someone enjoys it. Thank you!

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Review #21, by Tonks1247Murphy's Law: Reality

20th June 2015:

This was awesome! James and Lily are lovely, lovely characters and you play them off so great here! Also love how nervous and dysfunctional James is around her. Makes me giggle just a little bit.

Hahaha, can just see the look on McGonagall's face when he finds James and Sirius throwing bread around to test the saying Remus first told him. Lots of bread gone to waste.ha.

Also, I knew James was bringing her to Madame Puddifoot's. Could just feel it. And its definitely not a place I could imagine them going again.

The snow globe was awesome! Unfortunate that is was struck by Murphy's Law, but still a really awesome idea.

Overall, I can't help but feel just a little terrible for James, and his disastrous date, but Lily ending it with a kiss was sweet! It wasn't all bad in the end!

Great job!
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #22, by Tonks1247Actions Speak Louder than Words: Bombarda Maxima: Scorpius POV

20th June 2015:
Wow. Well, that was just. Wow. Emotion wise, I think you nailed it. I don't know if it's because I'm already so attached to Rose and Scorpius and htem being together or what, but I could feel Scorpius' feelings and his anger. I couldn't exactly keep up with it as soon as the forest game, but it was evident in your writing that his pain was there, that there was anger and everything else. It was really really well written.

On a side note here, Forest of Dean? Brilliant. Perfect place to go destroy some trees and such...

On topic. Dom, Al, Selenia characters were great as well. I love how defined thier characters are, and how they have mannerisms they stick to. I find writing and involving so many characters difficult but you do such a fantastic job. I feel almost as if I could read a situation involving two characters and be able to name which says what or does what. It's really kinda awesome.

There were two small things I noticed in this chapter:

"I did’t know who Albus was asking." -didn't is spelled incorrectly (missed a letter)

"He continued attacking every tree in his path, using nonverbal -spells at this point." -the dash in this sentence really isn't necessary, I don't think...

Overall, fantastic chapter! I'm trying to decide how important sleep is, because if I hold off for just a little while longer, I could get another one or two in...hmm.


Author's Response: Hi Mikaela!

I'm sorta working backwards through my unanswered reviews, here - and I don't have a rhyme or reason to it, so I might continue in this manner, and I might switch it up ;)

Anyway, I REALLY appreciate all your feed back. I've already updated the chapter with your suggestions - thanks for finding those typos.

This chapter was actually the very first thing I wrote for this novel. I started here and wrote forward for 5 months from this point in the story, THEN I decided to post the story on this site and had to write the beginning chapters. I know it sounds really weird, but I had never written anything before this - and I just kinda did it how it came to me.

Glad you like the Forest of Dean - it comes back later.

Ooo! Thanks for your comment on characterization - I don't have much to say, they are so ingrained in my head, it's almost like I already know how they're going to react to each situation. And I have no explanation for that, other than this story started to form in my head and I couldn't stop it - hee hee!

Thanks again - it was such a treat to wake up this morning to these reviews!

♥ Beth

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Review #23, by Tonks1247Actions Speak Louder than Words: Besieged: Rose POV

20th June 2015:

So. Casual Thursday night. Hang out with a ton of friends, chat because course work is cooperative to allow an off night, snog the boyfriend (whether Rose and Scoprius have defined it or not...) forever just because you can. And then BAM! Stannous.

Not cool, just not cool...

I think what makes this chapter even better is that Rose's confusion, inability to go for her wand, to turn out of the room sooner, and her anxiety...I could feel it all. I found myself on the edge of my seat, anxious for her safety. I think the only relief I had was getting caught up in questions because I just knew, as soon as Dom showed up, that she woudln't get taken again. Though those questions do NOT make me feel any better.

How did Stannous get in? How is he keeping track of her? Who are these accomplices? Is there someone he knows that also knows Rose and Rose doesn't know about the connection which is how Stannous knows things? Or is Stannous some super creepy guy who knows some creepy magic that allows him to be a creep? Like, seriously. How did he find her and get in?! Or get out? Is he getting out? Okay, well, maybe not so much is he getting out...with this story still continueing, obviously they don't have him, but like...seriously. What?

Okay. Now that the ranting is outta my system. My favorite line from this chapter...

"We could talk about everything and nothing at the same time and, next moment, couldn’t keep our hands off each other."

May know something about talking about everything and nothing...have no idea how it works...

Great chapter! Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hi Mikaela!

Haha - I wish you could see my face right now because I'm all giddy and smiley while I'm reading your review. Part of me want to answer your questions for you - but I'm NOT gonna do that! And the other part of me is so excited because you HAVE questions.

Ha! I love that line too. It's the mark of a good, budding relationship. One point that I wanted to hammer home here is that Rose isn't being completely honest with Scorpius at this point. I know she's been through an ordeal, but in order to move forward, she's gonna have to come clean about her demons.

And yeah, Stannous has some serious magic - or connections - or both...

Still not gonna tell ;)

Thanks so much!

♥ Beth

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Review #24, by Tonks1247A Single Point In Time: 1981

19th June 2015:
Heya! Here from the BvB review battle!

I was looking through your author's page, debating what to read and then I read the summary of this one and got stuck. I thought, why not take a look. And oh my gosh. Glad I did.

Obviously, Voldemort's downfall after he tried to kill Harry is a significant point in time. It changes everything, and sets up for everything we know of this wonderful world. But, that moment? It's not just a moment of new beginnings. It's a moment of ends, for some people, and a tragic moment at that. There's so much to explore in those hours after the downfall of the greatest dark wizard of all times and the death of a family, all except the little boy who has all but vanished. And for the exploration of those moments? I'm kind of exicted to see what else is in store!

This chapter, with Albus, is quite lovely. You describe his motions, his mannerisms, his way of being, perfectly. I could really see Albus sitting, just thinking and waiting. It was really powerful, and really told the story of how there was more than just hope. I really really enjoyed it.

The two quotes that really got to me here:

"But while life could perhaps now be lived without fear, Albus quietly considered at what price. The war had been so very cruel."

"But as he heard the unmistakable and desperate sounds of Severus Snape’s frantic footfalls on the stairwell outside his door, he was reminded that this was still a time of mourning."

Really lovely story, really lovely idea! Hopefully I'll find some time to stop by and read some more because I really like the idea you have going here. It's really great!


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Review #25, by Tonks1247Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages: Chapter Two: Every Beginning is an End

18th June 2015:
Hello! Here from the BvB review battle!


Okay. Sorry. Had to get that outta my system right off the bat here.

So. Really loved this chapter. I love Salazar, and Godric, and Ingvar. I love their interactions with other characters and how they handle conversation with each other. I love the history you put into Godric and Ingvar, with Godric bringing up the past in ways that affect Ingvar in ways he doesn’t realize exist. Your characterization is flawless, as each character reacts the way they should, based on the roles you’ve assigned to them. It really is fantastic.

Other things I loved…the plot, so far. I have a feeling I am starting to have an understanding of what Godric is visiting Ingvar for with the letter and all, though I don’t know the significance of said letter. I’d also hedge my guess, but I think I need a little bit more than what I’ve been given to feel confident in sharing…but really, I like where this is going and I’m so excited to see how you’re going to develop it from here! (Also, cliff hangers are the way to go, despite my displeasure with not knowing what happens next…)

I did find a few things, some nitpicky, some just writer’s preference or wording things. They are listed below, in order they appear I believe…

"...twirling a blade of grass absentmindedly between his fingers as he gaze rested thoughtfully on the small Slytherin cottage." –he should be his

"Now, he's after me, all because I'm not going to be cowed enough to run off and hide in a hole..." –This one I’m being nitpicky with commas. Sometimes I feel they’re overused, as here, you really don’t need the one after now, I don’t think. May be a preference thing

“Stepping inside Ingvar began navigating the clutter with a familiar ease, but midway across, he hesitated.”-Nitpicky comma thing again—would lose the comma before but. It may just be a style thing, so definitely not something you had to change, but I think it think it makes the sentence flow better

“It hid things for him, and even allowing his emotions to show, no one else could see.” –Wording thing, that could just be me—here I would get rid of the ‘and’ and replace the comma after show with the word as so the sentence reads “It hid things for him, even allowing his emotions to show as no one else could see.”

This last one, I’m thinking there is a word missing, or something? Not quite sure what you’re trying to say: “We need this cleaned before it's then, and I don't know a spell for that.”

Okay. That’s all. Sorry for being nitpicky and all over the place with little edits. Because really, this chapter was quite fantastic and I enjoyed the read! I enjoyed it so much so that I was unable to narrow down which one quote or part was my favourite, so I’m sharking the three that drew my attention:

"Half the time you deserved it, you do realize." // "And the other half I think you just liked smacking me around." // "Point taken, lad. I do admit that it was certainly fun at times."

" we all lose things we care about, but when you quit you only lose more..."

“Even after their discussion there was still so much left unspoken.”

Great job! I’ve enjoyed the story so far and can’t wait to see where you take this!


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