Reading Reviews From Member: Tonks1247
  
176 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Tonks1247Thanatophobia: Falling Asleep

8th September 2013:
Oh. My. Gosh. Crying sounds like the best thing ever right about now because the emotions packed into this story and Hugo dying and Rose holding him...just oh my gosh I'm so overloaded and in awe of how beautifully-and tragically-written this story was. Seriously, death is a very difficult topic to write about, especially when the story is so focused on the one dying and how they feel, and you've done such a good job with it...

Some of the reasons I was espeically impressed, besides how well you nailed the anxiety in Hugo and the tragically sad assurance from Harry and Rose holding Hugo, were some of your descriptions.

"Soon, he would be flesh on bones and then he would be buried six feet under the ground. His family would visit him but he would just be bones in a casket and unable to speak to them or offer comfort." I'm not sure I have words for how this resonated with me. Just the pure honestly, the blunt admission of what death is...it's just terrifying and great.

Also, Hugo looking around for death and feeling her hand closing around him and taking away the pain? It gave me shivers and took my breath away. Just stunning description, in an unexpected way, really. I never thought of death like that and it just...it was eye opening and amazing.

I do have a couple of nit picky things that you may want to look at, but not necessarily correct...

There are a couple points in this chapter where the wording sort of ruins the flow of the sentence. This sentence is an example: "His family had no choice but to check him in at St. Mungo’s when they found him lying on the floor and spitting up blood." The word 'and' throws off the flow. If you were to get rid of 'and' so the sentence reads '...they found him lying on the floor, spitting up blood.' It would flow just a little bit nicer. There are a couple of other places that were the same with, with the use of the word 'and' too I believe. But again, really nitpicky.

But other than that, this was really well written and I did quite enjoy the read.

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Ah, sorry for taking so long to get to this but I've been busy with life and stuff but I'm here now!

I'm very flattered and glad to hear that you enjoyed the story so much and that you thought it was so great. I was a little anxious about this because I wasn't sure if I'd pulled off everything right but so far the feedback has been positive.

The scene between Rose and Hugo was my favourite part to write.

Wow, just, wow. I have no words to express how much this review means to me and the fact that there was a part of it that meant something to you is amazing for me to hear.

I'll make sure to read through the story as soon as I can (most likely some time tomorrow) and see if I make it flow a lot better.

This was such an amazing review, thank you so much for leaving it!


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Review #2, by Tonks1247August Skyline: August Skyline

16th July 2013:
Wow. Luna’s character is one in a million and one that I quite enjoy reading about, though I rarely do. She is so different in her interpretation of things and her understanding in life and many times I forget some of her history, some of the stories that come from her past. With this, you do an excellent job of sort of bringing us back to understand her, to see that while she may be a different, she still feels things and is haunted by things. You really made her seem human and you gave her character a much deeper dimension than I have ever really seen. So really, excellent job! This was great!

And, before I go, I’ll share two of my favourite lines, as they are sort of related:

“Otherwise, the memory will consume you. It will be everything about you. One day, it will become you.”

“Because if memories really do become you, this is the one you want to be.”

The truth in that first line, and the feeling and events that bring you to the second one are just fantastic!

Great job, again!
~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you for stopping by and reviewing! I'm so happy to hear your thoughts about my characterization of Luna. I'm truly glad that I did her character justice, as well as give some dimension and humanity to her character as well. Thank you so much for the review! It really did bring a smile to my face! :)

All the best,
Kristen


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Review #3, by Tonks1247Shadows in the Mirror: Shadows in the Mirror

16th July 2013:
Whoa. I don’t even…I’m not sure what I can say to that. I mean, I absolutely adore the 500 word challenges, mostly because it is such a challenge to be able to get a point across in so few words, to build up a connection to a character and make the reader really care about the character. But this story…it blew me away.

I could feel Dorcas mind reeling, unable to handle the echo of her name and the phantom of the nightmares that appeared in the mirror. I mean, the name echoing maybe wasn’t so bad but with that mirror…that mirror is just terrifying. Unable to figure out if it shows the past, present or future, and just its haunting presence when you can’t get away, when no corner (or lack thereof) in the room is not far enough away…really haunting and really fantastic. Great job developing this idea and really bringing Dorcas’ character and feelings outs. Just wow!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm glad I managed to get the sentiments across that I wanted to - as you said, 500 words isn't a lot of space!

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Review #4, by Tonks1247Despite It All: Despite It All

16th July 2013:
Ahhh! I am such a sucker for Tonks/Remus stories, which may make my opinion a wee bit biased, but this story was really great! Remus seemed much like himself, really aware of what he was and worrying that he wouldn’t be good enough. He seemed really on par with what his character is in the book, which was great. I also have to say, his interaction with the mirror was hysterical. I loved how the mirror was interested in his dating life and how he actually thought over the mirror telling him he had to get out more. That, and the line “When the most intelligent conversation I’ve had all evening is with my mirror.” AHAHAHAHAHA! It was just the greatest thing ever!

As for the date. That was amazing. I love how Tonk’s bag started spewing smoke. I knew in an instant that it had to do something with the Weasley twins. If she had pulled everything out and couldn’t figure out what was going on, it had to be some invention. And the fact that it was really what broke the ice with Tonks and Remus, was just a little bit more funny…

Anyways, fantastic job with this story! I absolutely adored it!

~Grimmerz

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Review #5, by Tonks1247Date Night: She's the Boss

16th July 2013:
Ahahahahaha! I feel like somewhat of a failed Harry Potter fan for the fact that I didn’t recognize the date at the beginning. But then again, I’d never thought of any of the characters going to find the movie that’s based of the books that they’re from, if that even makes sense. xD

Moving on, this one shot was great! I enjoyed the fact that it was from Ron’s point of view. It’s not a point of view I commonly get sucked into reading, but it was really funny. Ron’s brain is just…it’s different and it was fun to see how much he adored Hermione and how similar he is here to how he is in the books…it was just great!

I do have one thing that I caught that is an easy fix: “Of course she disagreed—something she was was prone to do—and he knew that there was no sense in ever trying to change his girl's mind about anything.” –was is in this sentence twice

But other than that one thing, grammar and stuff looked great and this was quite an enjoyable story! And, just because I found a line that made me giggle just a bit, I’ll share my favourite line of the story: “She took his hand then and led him on down the street like a kindly mother might guide a troubled child.”

Great job, again!
~Grimmerz

Author's Response: I hated writing this one because it felt like such a chore to me, but writing as Ron really helped with that. I have written as him, and I was surprised to find how much I could relate to him.

He is definitely more mature here, but I thought he would be because we see him change so much in those last three books. And the love he feels for Hermione is something I just had to illustrate some, and I just hope I did it justice.

Everyone has told me they liked that line, and its funny because it came from nowhere and made me smile too. I guess the best stuff always does.

Thanks for the R&R

Ken


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Review #6, by Tonks1247Fairy Dust: The Fighter

16th July 2013:
Oh my gosh. I am absolutely stunned, beyond words really. You’ve crafted a story that has had me on edge, has surprised me in many ways and given voice to a character I tend to overlook. Really, I couldn’t believe the depth you gave to Fleur and her dedication to a family that seemed very much against her at the start [As far as I can remember in the books xD]. It seems really natural for her to want to protect them, to step up as the older sister and just protect the family as a whole. It really was amazing.

I also loved the interaction between Fleur and Bill. Fleur was so cool and collected, trying to keep herself together. And then she steps up to do something dangerous and just…the whole scene with Bill screaming for her not to do it and Greyback not to take her, I could see it clearly in my head, I could hear it…Really, this was a phenomenal one shot! Great job!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Hi there!

Fleur is one of those characters that I don't think is often treated fairly in FF. She demonstrates plenty of selfish qualities, but also has the bravery necessary to marry a man whose family is submerged in a war, and I think that says so much about her character.

I'm so, so excited you liked my portrayal of her! I really wanted to do her justice and show the more positive aspects of her personality, so I'm really thrilled that you thought I gave her more depth!

Thank you so much for all your sweet compliments! This review was such a treat to get and even more fun to respond to!

Thanks again!

Jami


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Review #7, by Tonks1247Shattered Infinity: Marked for Destruction

7th July 2013:
Oh my gosh...I have read only few Snape/Lily stories, but this story focused on the exact moment in their relationship that I just...I'm amazed by. So simply Snape turned his back on Lily, even without it being his intention, and just...the after effects. You put good voice as to Lily's reaction to Snape's harsh words and you paint his story so easily. I like the idea of Snape turning to the Death Eaters, just because he had no one left. It actually kind of fits his role as a double agent, actually working for Dumbledore rather than Voldemort later on, in some strange way. But really, a fabulous job with this! I quite enjoyed it!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! :)

I wanted to show Snape's unhappiness after making a very BIG mistake, and how it affected him in the long run. I feel that he would've wanted to become a Death Eater more after he insulted Lily and she dumped their friendship. But then, of course, her death was caused by the very institution that he was affiliated with, and suddenly, he had to right the wrong he had done. He had to be a double agent, if only to protect the last living person to whom Lily gave her love: Harry. It was really interesting to examine things from his point of view!

Thank you so much! :)

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #8, by Tonks1247A Series of Unfortunate Pranks: April Fools

3rd April 2013:
Hello! This is Nymphie Tonks from the BvB review
battle. Just stopping by to leave a quick review to
further procrastinate on other stuff I should be
doing xD

To start with, I’ll warn you, I’m not big into the
Marauder Era. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the
characters in it or anything, but I find it to be quite
clichéd and to not have much of a variance which
makes it a bit boring to read. With that said, I can
say that this story skipped over most of the clichés
and was really different than most of the Marauder
stories I have read.

For a start, I never thought about the Marauders
would be ones to step down and not pull pranks on
April Fool’s day, so I found it very original and
different that you have them, ironically, not cause
any chaos. With the exception of James, of course.
I would never expect anything less of James. But it
really did add a new twist to the Marauders and
their problem causing.

As for the idea of James pranking Lily….well, at first
I thought it was kind of typical but those pranks…oh
my gosh. I was laughing so hard at the idea of Lily’s
clothing being strung all over the great hall.
Especially with the ‘grannie panties’. I just couldn’t
stop laughing at the idea of walking into the Great
Hall and seeing all that…I think I would have died of
laughter seeing that and in Lily’s shoes, died of
embarrassment.

I also adore how you kept building it up as the day
went on, with James pranking her more and more
until she hit her bursting point. Also adore how you
have Lily and Severus as friends. And Severus
having to drag Lily away from beating James with
her Charms book. It was so fitting, in a way, and I
haven’t found many stories that actually take the
time to focus on Severus and Lily’s friendship.

As for the end, I laughed when James ended up in
the middle of the Black Lake. It was just too great.
Along with Lily’s other practical jokes on him, I
found that this story took a bit of a different, and
quite entertaining, turn than I originally thought it
would.

A few things I think could use some improvement
would be the flow when you switch point of views. I
found it perfectly okay that you did-as in it was
easy to follow- but some of the transitions needed
a bit more work to keep the pace of the story
going.

The other thing is that some of the paragraphs
towards the beginning seem to be a bit…
disconcerting. It seems like the tense of the story,
or maybe the narration, is trying to switch up a bit
and it’s rather confusing to read the first time
through. I think it’s mostly within the first 4-5
paragraphs that it was difficult to get into, but after
that, it was fine. It could just be me but maybe
read them over to help with the flow.

The last part I have with this is, I would have
LOVED to see some more of the pranks Lily pulled on
James. I mean, the brief summary was great but it
would have been so great to see a bit more.

Overall, I adored this story! It was quite a fun,
quick read and I’m glad I jumped into the review
battle to get a chance to read it! Great job!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Holy smokes, that is one long review. YES!

I was going to make all of the Marauders pull the pranks but I was supposed to focus on just James so I had to change it a bit. After a lot of thinking, I came to the conclusion that it would be really ironic if on the day that you're supposed to cause mischief, the Marauders took a break. It would've been like their own personal holiday from causing mayhem (I can just imagine Sirius going "we'll let the newbies have a try at causing chaos, the masters shall take the day off" and then making a dramatic exit).

I'm glad to see that the pranks weren't what you were expecting, that means I was doing something good!

A lot of stories seem to forget that Severus and Lily were in fact friends and so they would generally have gotten along until the end of fifth year. I had been thinking of using a minor character (like Mary MacDonald) to drag Lily out but then it occurred to me that Lily already had a best friend and that he'd probably be everywhere that she was.

It was fun writing a small part of their friendship even if it wasn't a big part.

I'll make sure to take a look at those first four/five paragraphs and see if I can make it better.

I was supposed to focus on James and I had thought of going into more detail about what Lily did but I felt like it would've focused more on her than on James and I didn't want that to happen so I kind of summarized what had happened instead.

Thanks so much for the review and feedback, it was really appreciated!


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Review #9, by Tonks1247{insert evil laugh}: a beginning of sorts

7th March 2013:
Hello! I’m here from the BvB review battle [Welcome to Ravenclaw by the way! I am usually active on the forums but school likes me a bit too much this semester so I’m not on a lot…But I had the urge to review something…so here I am…and you probably didn’t need that whole explanation. Anyways. xD]

I absolutely adore how you opened this chapter.

“Lets get one thing straight here: there's nothing wrong with me.”

I mean, it’s a classic line that has me interested almost the second the words register in my brain. It leaves a million questions exploding in my brain [who is this character? Why should people find something wrong with her? What did she do? Etc.] and you only build off of it as you continue talking about the stories and rumour and how she’s normal despite those. I also love how you continue with this inner dialogue and put in place relationships before you name the character. It really helps me as a reader to get the feel of the character before learning too much about her. Though I will admit…you leave a lot of dangling pieces of information. She’s Scorpius’ brother but her mother isn’t Astoria. I can’t…who is her mum? I’m so curious. And you mention very few names [Scorpius and Albus being the only two, really] and you mention she’s not well liked by other Gryffindor’s…and all I can think is what caused this? Why is there such a…resistance to liking her by the other Gryffindor’s?

And don’t read that wrong! It’s definitely a good curiosity! All these questions swim around my mind and make me want to go on to the next chapter to learn more about Laila and her family and just everything. You really do give just enough information to pull me into the story and want to read more.

I do have a couple of grammar-y flow things that stuck out in this first chapter [I tend to be a bit nit-picky…but I mean it all for the best!]. First is the amount of fragmented sentences. I totally understand that fan fiction kind of loosens the reins when it comes to sentence structure but I found at some points the sentences seemed really disjointed because they would start with verbs and wouldn’t really have a subject…I’m not saying to cut them all out either. I’m just suggesting maybe cutting them back a bit to help with the flow of the chapter.

And this one is really nit-picky…in the first sentence, ‘lets’ should be ‘let’s’.

But despite both those things, this was a really wonderful chapter! I absolutely loved it and hopefully will have some time to read some more soon!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: It's awesome that it perked up your curiosity! It's exactly what I wanted this chapter to do :) As for the grammar stuff, I'll read over it again and see what I can change.

Thanks so much for this review!

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #10, by Tonks1247Muggle Studies: iPod Injuries

9th December 2012:
Ahahahahahahaha! I was debating between reading Azkaban and this one, as I’m somewhere in the middle of Azkaban and Muggle Studies has been on my ‘to read’ list for a while, and I can say I’m quite glad I choose this one. I was definitely in the mood for something light and just a little bit ridiculous, and this story was just fantastic.

Archibald is just a character all his own. His whole thought process is just so easy to see and it really makes him out to be that slightly eccentric Muggle Studies teacher that no one seems to have much concern about. His whole demeanour towards teaching is also entertaining. He doesn’t necessarily like children or their attitudes towards Muggle Studies but here he finds himself teaching them. It’s great!

As for his third year class? Oh, he’s in for a fun year. Johnny English? Goliath? Franklinstein? Jessie James? Ahahaha, he’s got plenty of fun teaching points to go off of here. Plenty of movies and books to read…plenty of people to make question their parents’ ability to name them. It should be great! Especially with the idea of Fred and Dominique Weasley using interpretive dance to help explain the concepts they go over in Muggle Studies…

Can’t wait to come back and read more! This really was fantastic!

~Grimmerz

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Review #11, by Tonks1247Post Scriptum: Eggs and Bacon

9th December 2012:
Wow. I’m not usually one that can get into Marauder Era stories, for some reason or another, but as soon as I started this chapter, I was sucked in. It flowed from one detail to the next and you sort of lead me as a reader through the chapter. You started with the basics, the house. Then moved onto the house elves, then Kreacher bringing up the juice and then Regulus, then Sirius and then the family meal…it really was easy to visualize as you transitioned from one thing to the next. I really did enjoy it!

Also, brilliant characterization. I love Regulus and how he acts towards Kreacher and his parents. It’s pretty telling of his character, though we don’t know too much about him from the books. Your description is actually pretty accurate as to how I’ve always seen Regulus in my head, which was sort of awesome. Sirius was also well characterized. His lack of interest when it comes to what his parents do and don’t approve of and then, of course, his more than happy departure from his parents’ house…definitely within his character.

Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter. The flow and the entire style of writing were just fantastic. It was really easy to get into and I hope to return to read some more chapters soon! :D

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Hello, and thanks for coming by :)

It's so great that you were drawn into this opening chapter! I'm happy that the details worked well and that the imagery was good. I tried to make it easy to picture the Black house.

Regulus has been really tough for me to figure out, but I'm having fun molding him little by little. I want him to be markedly kind toward Kreacher, but not too kind to be out of character for someone who will eventually become a Death Eater. I'm glad you liked Sirius, too; lots of cliches to keep away from there. I tried to make it clear that he and his family are not on good terms, but without any over-the-top screaming or physical violence. Unfortunately, things will be more tense later.

Thanks again for this lovely review! I do hope you come back to read on at a later time :)

-Amanda


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Review #12, by Tonks1247Swept into Circumstances: Refuge

8th December 2012:
Hello! I'm here from the Holiday Review Swap.

I absolutely adored this one-shot! I wasn't quite sure what to expect at first, when I saw the title and summary, but I clicked the link. I will admit I was a bit nervous when I saw it was a Marauder story, just because I've never really found a Marauder story I particularly like, but I did love this one!

I love how you write Emmeline Vance's character. She seems like a typical twelve year old, having to hide from the bullies. She really has a unique voice and seems really relatable. You also write her voice with the right amount of innocence of a twelve year old, meaning she actually sounded like one.

As for the entire broom cupboard scene? I love it. Gideon being in there and their little discussion was really sweet. Friends due to the fact they both had to take cover in a broom cupboard to hide from people...brilliant. And of course, the pulling to get the door open when it was a push door...Haha, I won't go into the amount of times I've done that on accident xD

Overall, great job! I saw no little grammar or spelling mistakes and it just added to how great this was! Hopefully I'll be back to read more of your stories soon! :D

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you liked my story. I'm really happy that you liked Gideon and Emmeline. I've received feedback on Emmeline about how she sometimes didn't sound like a twelve year-old, so I'm glad that you thought she did.

I'm thinking about beginnning a tally of how many times I push a door marked pull, or vice versa, lol. Thanks again for the lovely review!
~cb ")


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Review #13, by Tonks1247Desperado: One Shot.

8th November 2012:
Awww! I am such a sucker for Tonks/Remus stories. I don’t know what it is about their characters, but I just can’t help but love the both of them. And in this story, you write them both so well. The inner reservations Remus has about loving Tonks were so well laid out and I could feel the tension and the argument in his head. And, of course, the defeat when he realized that he could lose her and she wouldn’t know how he felt. With Tonks, I love that you made her more reserved after the whole incident in the Hospital Wing. You gave her the time to back up and not push Remus into something that he probably wouldn’t have accepted before this moment. And just…you did a really fantastic job with their characters.

I will say I’ve never heard the song before, but I feel you really did weave the lyrics into the story well. The two fit together really nicely and you didn’t overdo putting the lyrics into the story, which was also excellent to see.

My favourite part of the entire story was the ending. I like how it was a silent conversation they had, with Remus admitting those feelings and Tonks accepting them. It just…It seemed to fit in so well with the two of them and really just…it was adorable and sweet and just perfect.

Great job! Loved the story! :D

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Hi Grimmerz, thanks for leaving a review, that's very kind of you :) I'm glad you liked this story, and yes, it is a great ship, I love it too. I'm glad you connected so much with everything in this, that's so wonderful to hear and I'm delighted you thought it was real and canon.

The song is a marvellous one by The Eagles, a band popular in the 70-80s I suppose was when they were in their moment, but they still tour and are wonderful, strongly recommend having a listen to the song that inspired this one, its beautiful. Thanks for the review, I'm so happy you enjoyed it! Bobby xx


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Review #14, by Tonks1247Growing Up Magical: Oliver

11th October 2012:
AH! I have been waiting and waiting to get to this chapter…I cannot tell you how excited I am now that I have read it! I have always had this mild (Or, you know, rather large) obsession with Oliver Wood and Quidditch. I’m not quite sure what the draw was to his character (though Sean Biggerstaff is rather attractive…), but I’ve always been fascinated by his character and this really gave a much different view of his character!

For me, Oliver is always this darker character…I’m not quite sure where I got it from, but it’s the only way I can view him during his Hogwarts years. He’s much more serious and goal orientated. But after reading this, I find maybe that’s not all he can be. He has this softer innocent side, one that came about when he was first getting into Quidditch and I think maybe that does show through, just not as much, when he gets to the age of playing Quidditch…

But really, this was a lovely job. You did an excellent job writing the game (It’s a pain…basing stories off of Quidditch and Oliver are near impossible :P), and just overall handling his character. You made him quite an adorable six year old (who was practically all grown up ;) ) and I just…I love it. You did a fantastic job! Can’t wait until I can read more chapters (I will be getting to them soon, I promise!) :D

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Ooh, an Oliver Wood fan! I'll admit that there was a point when I was rather hooked on any Oliver-centric story I could get my hands on. (Probably due to Sean Biggerstaff, likewise.) That phase has passed for the most part, but it was a lot of fun to revisit it here!

I find it very interesting that you see Oliver as a darker character in the books. Certainly there is more than enough room for a bit more information on him as a character -- and who knows? I like that you keep bringing up the word "innocent," though, because I think that's a key one in this case. People like Oliver and Draco may have turned a bit darker, but they were kids once. And kids are remarkably simple, innocent beings, when it comes down to it. Though bless him, he still lives and breathes Quidditch, doesn't he?

Quidditch stories are HARD! :P I'm glad you enjoyed it! Take your time reviewing the future chapters, of course; you've done so much for me already. ♥ I'm just beyond pleased that you've enjoyed the story so much this far! Thank you!!


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Review #15, by Tonks1247Growing Up Magical: Draco

11th October 2012:
Can I just squish him, a little bit? He’s just so dang cute that I want to squish him and hold him and keep him *cough* And….erm…perhaps not sound creepy… (Oh gosh, I need sleep xD)

So….as I was trying to say…Draco was absolutely adorable in this chapter. I just…I was stunned by the simplicity you put in his character here, so different from how he is when he starts Hogwarts yet somehow it is just so fitting of his character. The innocence of really only wanting to be included in this party his mom refused to let him in on, in addition to wanting a bit of cherry tart…just really brought to life a different side to Draco, one that doesn’t appear in the books. It gave him a softer, sweeter side, one untainted by the evilness of Voldemort and pureblood-ism….

I realize I say this with every chapter I read, but really, this is just a phenomenal piece and the writing is absolutely beautiful. To close, I’ll share two lines that just made me smile and laugh just a little bit before shutting up and not rambling.

“Draco kept looking at his reflection in it, popping his head back and forth and becoming more and more delighted with the mirror-like shine. His mother and father should have parties every weekend, he decided, sticking his tongue out at the slightly distorted reflection of himself in the end post.”

“Good night, Mummy,” he said cheerfully, and without further ado skipped from the hall, not seeing his mother watching him in bemusement the whole way. Nor did he stop to acknowledge his father, whom he met at the base of the stairs as the latter was making his way into the party, who wondered why on earth Draco was out of bed and clutching a plate of something red and sticky-sweet.

Absolutely fantastic!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Ahaha! You can certainly squish Draco, if that's your prerogative. ;) No judging here!

I loved writing wee Draco solely for the reasons you expressed, which is why this review's making me grin like mad: He was brought up with really pretty messed-up values and ideals, but he was a little kid once, and that is so often overlooked, you know? He was once an innocent boy with really no concept of Muggle-borns and Mudbloods and all that. I'm glad you found it fitting of his character!

You are much too sweet. ♥ Also -- you definitely seem to be picking out all my own personal favorite lines from these chapters! Every time I read that last one, I just imagine this really confused look on Lucius's face while Draco trots away, and it's so funny in my head. :D Happy to see that you enjoyed it, too!

Shall I say it again? I feel I must -- thanks so much for this review! I really can't tell you what it means to me. ♥ You're awesome!


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Review #16, by Tonks1247Growing Up Magical: Luna

10th October 2012:
“Luna looked about her curiously, half-expecting to find someone standing behind her that she had never noticed before.” Oh my…how I adore Luna Lovegood. She’s always such an interesting character to read and even more so to write. She is just so different than the typical person and it’s always hard to depict exactly what she’s thinking yet I think you do quite a fantastic job of getting her five year old character into this story. Her responses in this story and just some of her interaction with her parents…it’s just so precious and just….exactly what I imagined of her.

So let’s see…some of my favourite lines of this chapter:

“She was never very good at naming things, and her plush animals all had names like Cat or Mr. Duck or Sir Puppy.”

“How interesting... Luna, dear, have you been playing amongst milkweed lately? It is said to cause one’s shadow to do funny things… Does your nose feel any heavier than normal?”

“Feeling considerably less lonely than she had an hour or so earlier, Luna tripped downstairs to inspect the milk – just in case.”

I was just in amazement and totally impressed by this chapter. You wrote Luna in such a good light and really gave depth to her character…seriously, you did an amazing job with this chapter, much like the last couple!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: I love writing Luna! I think this particular chapter was the... second or third time I'd attempted it (I've done so at least three times now), and she really is so fun. She has a very distinctive character voice that it's fun to try and get into! I'm glad that you saw apt characterization here; that's always so encouraging to hear. :)

Ahaha, Xenophillius and the milkweed! ♥ I think his line about it and her nose is my favorite, too. I'm not sure how many other people caught onto the bit at the end about the milk, but it makes me smile, and I suppose that's all that really matters!

Thanks so much, once again, for reviewing this chapter for me. :3 It honestly means so much, and I'm just beyond pleased you're enjoying it so much! Really looking forward to seeing your opinions on the future chapters, as well!


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Review #17, by Tonks1247Growing Up Magical: Colin

10th October 2012:
AW! Colin is just way too adorable! Between him and his brother Dennis I’m not sure which one I love more! I mean, you go from Colin with his ‘six-years-old-and-practically-a-grown-up’ to Dennis and his “The sky is wet”…It’s just so dang cute! And they definitely sound six and four respectively. You really just have a phenomenal way with words and it just makes your characters even more believable!

And I was actually sort of surprised at first (As I haven’t read through too much of the table of contents to know what characters have a chapter) that Colin was one of the characters you picked. I mean, I know he was mentioned frequently in the books (which I really need to read again…) but I never really thought of his life as a Muggleborn or where his obsession with cameras and pictures came in. He just wasn’t a character I necessarily cared for or paid much attention too…but I am really glad you wrote this. It gave a much different view of Colin and gave me a different appreciation for his character and sort of reminded me that he was a really fantastic character.

And instead of continuing on with my ramblings of how amazing this chapter is and how amazing of a writer you are, I will share one small thing that sort of had me confused and another favourite line.

“Colin Creevey could not contain bouncing excitedly in his chair, despite the fact that it was raining rather badly outside.” The beginning of this sentence seems as though it is missing a few words…

And then another favourite line, just cause the boys are so dang adorable: “We’re… we’re being spies,” said Colin, hoping this would be a suitable explanation. “I’m being a sidekick,” Dennis added brightly, now sitting up and still refusing to remove his thumb from his mouth.”

Really fantastic! Great job! :D

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: I absolutely adored both of the Creeveys in canon -- they were so obnoxious at times, and yet they were always very, very loyal to Harry, which is something I find admirable. You only have to look at Colin and know that he snuck back into a war to defend Harry, and died in that war, to see that. They're such great characters! But anyway.

I'm not sure what exactly it was that made me pick Colin, out of all the possible canon characters, to write about. I'd like to think (though this might just be sentimental) that I felt he had a story worth telling. :) A lot of people, for the most part, do seem to overlook Colin, and I'm proud to have given you a second glance at him, however minute.

Hmm -- I don't quite see where that sentence could be missing a few words. But I'm going to ask someone right now! And I'm happy you liked that other line, too; it kind of sums up the entire personalities of both brothers, doesn't it?

Thank you again for this! Gahh, your reviews are making me smile so much. :3 So, so pleased you're enjoying it! ♥


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Review #18, by Tonks1247Growing Up Magical: Neville

10th October 2012:
I have been waiting for an opportunity to present itself where I don’t have work, homework or revising to do just so I would have the time to sit down and read this story and I am happy to say I have found time. It’s actually really exciting because just the other day I was thinking about Growing Up Weasley and I was like, you know what? I know she has this story, Growing Up Magical, and I kinda really wanna see what characters she uses and what sort of amazing plot she’s come up with this time…so here I am.

And this chapter? Exactly what I wanted to hear of Neville’s story before Hogwarts. I always wondered how exactly it work, Neville figuring out about his magic due to his Uncle Algie and I must say, you did so while keeping your story quite close to canon, at least in my head. I could definitely see Neville being one to spend his summer days reading, even more so that he was reading adventure novels. It just seemed so fitting! And his partial dread about his Uncles visit…so realistic. I mean, who could blame him? Neville only almost drowned a year earlier xD

But really, your characterization of all of the characters is so spot on. I also love how, while your writing is really stylized and some of the vocab more advanced, it definitely sounds like Neville is an eight year old boy. I mean, you use some terms that may not fit with a boy that age yet without those words, it wouldn’t seem right. You know what I mean? [I could just be crazy xD]

There was only one spot that caught me for a moment and confused me until I reread it, and that would be here: “He ambled over to the large window across from the one leading back out onto the landing, looking through out at the overcast English sky outside as though it were the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen.” –The use of ‘through out at the overcast…” was sort of confusing wording. You may consider revising that to just using out? I don’t know but it was sort of confusing…

Other than that small thing, this really was a lovely chapter. I quite enjoyed reading Neville’s little story and am looking forward to seeing whose next!

And, before I go, my two favourite lines of the chapter (I couldn’t just pick one!):

“…and the boy immediately began falling in a decidedly downward direction.”

“The first of these was that, if today was the day he was destined to die, falling from a window into the garden below was at least an interesting way to go about it.”

The first one, I just adore the wording. The second one was just fantastic! Great job!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Hey! Wow -- it's great to see you drop by this story! :) I'm very flattered to hear that you've been meaning to set aside time to read this, and, needless to say, I'm very happy you've found it now! You are too sweet. ♥

I wrote this story over nine months ago, and still I think it's one of my favorites in this collection. It all came very easily when I was writing it, and I'm happy you enjoyed it! I think that this version of events was always in my head, and I'd adopted it into my own little headcanon, you know?

I'm honestly so happy you found it realistic, though. Realism is something I'm always, always shooting for, in my writing. There's a certain style to this set of stories, and to GUW -- and it does include a sort of sophistication of language. I'm not sure why that is, but it definitely seemed to fit, when writing them. :)

Thank you for spotting that little error! I'm shaking my head now at all the times I've read this chapter over and STILL miss things like that. I really don't want to know how many other little slips are hiding in my other stories.

Thanks so much for leaving this review for me! ♥ This totally made my day -- I hope to see you back soon for your opinion on further chapters!


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Review #19, by Tonks1247How to Organise Strangers and Create Chaos: Job 1: Find Out How to Summon the Knight Bus Off the Top of Muggle Houses

10th October 2012:
Ahahahaha! I don’t even know where to begin with this review! This chapter was so brilliant, I just don’t have words!

The introduction to the story is sort of typical, with the character coming out with their name pretty quickly. The thing I adore? The rant that went off from there. She goes off about the different parts of her name, how she hates it, and then she goes on to her siblings and their names. I was laughing so hard, it was ridiculous. I liked your creative use of different languages too to come up with the middle names. Very creative and definitely things that stuck in my head. I loved her siblings name, if I didn’t mention that…and her parents ‘new’ names. Very funny that they picked the strangest names to replace their ordinary ones. It was just…I couldn’t stop laughing. Even better that she was filling out a census for her family too xD

And from there? Honestly? Everything was just great. I loved how you incorporated a check list of sorts that Pepper was working through…and the fact that it kept changing. Really just excellent. Especially when it got to the point where her parents wouldn’t let her ride the night bus. I mean, the first place she ends up is the roof? Not quite where I would go but it was an interesting choice and actually added a different sort of depth to Pepper’s character [or I could just be crazy xD]. But really, I loved the entirety of the chapter and Pepper’s character. She is so different and so entertaining…I really can’t wait to see if a howler comes and how that all works out…And meeting the Weasley’s! Gosh, that’s just soo exciting! :D

A couple things though, really quick:

“I’ve done my part of the caring, so don’t worry, I’m only coming back with my Rose, Albus and Louis in a few days’ time. We might not even come here, so don’t expect to see me again.” –‘I’m only coming back with my Rose, Albus…” I don’t know if that was intended to have the ‘my’ in it or not as it really doesn’t fit…

“I’m sorry, Lolli. But I have to go, to my friends’ house, before school!” And I was a bit nitpicky with this one but there really doesn’t need to be a comma in the second sentence at all.

And to leave this off, I’ll end with my favourite quote (Though I quite enjoyed the whole chapter): “(or is it a fruit, like tomatoes? Why are tomatoes called tomatoes anyway? Maybe someone called Tom discovered them with his toes…)” I died laughing with this line! :D

Great job! Awesome chapter! I hope to be back to read more soon! :D

~Grimmerz

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Review #20, by Tonks1247Taking Care of Muriel: Attempts One, Two and Three

9th October 2012:
Ahahahaha! What a task the Weasley’s have cut out for them this time! Getting Muriel into a home looks like it’ll be near impossible to manage. And honestly? I don’t know who, if anyone, will be able to manage that! I knew Molly and Arthur would both fail. Bill I thought at least had a chance….but Charlie? Gosh I want to know what he’s planning! He’s got to have some diabolical plan to get Muriel to agree to go, though I’m pretty sure he will also fail. Which leads me to believe the twins will have to try, which I’m sure will be hilarious…Gah! Can’t wait for more!

Anyways….I absolutely love how you incorporated the, “After all, I have lived through three wars, five children, fifteen Ministers and two marriages,” and the, “Back in my day,” parts. I laughed so hard with the ‘back in my day’ parts because I kept thinking of the Ravenclaw House Cup Podcast (Which really was quite hilarious). It was just…it fit in so well and I could totally hear it in my mind.

Another part I really adored was the Weasley kids calling Aunt Muriel’s house the ‘Vulture’s Nest’. Sound like something my sisters and I would come up with xD And what makes it even better is the conversation between Ginny and Bill when Bill got back. This line in particular: "You're lucky to have escaped the Vulture's Nest alive." "My sentiments exactly." I just adored this line. It’s not quite sarcasm but seems very fitting for a conversation in the Weasley house. And for some reason, I see that especially fitting conversation between Ginny and Bill.

The last thing I want to mention is one line that confused me a little bit: "Good boy," she told him approvingly, and sent him off with a sinking heart to attempt to persuade her right there then, “before you get any funny ideas about letting your brothers do it!” I don’t know if it’s because I’m reading the sentence wrong or if it’s just the wording is a bit off but I was confused by this sentence. I was unsure what it was trying to tell me and you may want to look into editing that a bit. But really, other than that one section, this really was fantastic! I loved you look into the Weasley family and I love your characterization of Muriel! Hope to see a new chapter soon! :D

~Grimmerz

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Review #21, by Tonks1247Seeing Double: VI

6th October 2012:
Ahhh! I don’t know why I keep taking long breaks between reading chapters! Honestly, it makes no logical sense cause every time I come back I’m always so drawn into the story and wanting to know what’s going to happen next…it’s crazy.

This really is one of those stories that is so addicting once I get into it. I love the use of the different tenses, the two stories in one, how each flows into the other…you really have a phenomenal style in this story and it gets to me every time. Between the style and your characters…they so come to life in my head and it’s so easy to forget which time period the story actually takes place in, though really it does occur in both time periods…

And this chapter? My number one compliment is your imagery and the real life connections you add in. My favourite section of this chapter is: “It’s as if you think they can’t possibly be showing the right time and that if you blink they’ll change back to the right time. They don’t change at all, and, as you watch, the second hand ticks round past the number twelve. Another minute’s passed. Time marches on, relentlessly, unaware of your disbelief.” Like seriously, this is me every night. I’ll start working on something and I’ll get so absorbed that I lose track of time. I then usually end up looking at the clock around 1:30 or 2 in the morning and am like, seriously? I should have been in bed hours ago! I have early classes tomorrow! It’s just really awesome how you put in such simple connections like that, as it really helps to solidify Molly’s character in my head. I can totally imagine her character.

One thing I did notice a couple times, as the nitpicky reader I can be, there are some places in the chapter where it seems like you use commas when you really don’t have to. And I’m not saying you have to fix them all and they’re distracting…but they are something I notice and sometimes I have to reread sentence to make sure I understand them the way you intend the sentences to be ready. One example I have is this sentence: “She hadn’t even blushed too much when Rodolphus had spoken to her, or made a fool out of herself.” It may just be the organization of this sentence but the pause that is supposed to be after ‘her’ with that comma is just a bit awkwardly placed. You could probably just take out the comma but I don’t know…it may just be the way I’m reading it too. But a little revision in comma use may be a good idea?

Otherwise, as I’m sure you’re sick of hearing from me, this was an excellent chapter! I really enjoyed it and may yet review another chapter before bed! Great job!

~Grimmerz

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Review #22, by Tonks1247Emerald: Emerald

5th October 2012:
Hello! This is Nymphie Tonks from the review battle. I had a little spare time on my hands and figured I’d do a quick review before bed, so here I am!

I first of all would like to say, I’m glad this one-shot ended as a Neville/Luna. I know it’s not cannon and usually I’m very narrow-minded about other pairing, but I absolutely adore Neville/Luna. I don’t know why. I’ll still read Luna/Rolf, but it’s just never as great as I know it can be ;)

I would also like to say that you picked a very interesting idea to incorporate into the story, which of course would be the emerald ring and it changing colours with unfaithfulness. I will admit that it did sort of give away the fact that Rolf was cheating on her, but it was actually a quite creative way to work it in. I particularly liked it. Also the fact that Rolf had fallen in love with Hannah. Not something I have seen a lot in Rolf/Luna, Luna/Neville stories.

A couple of things that I will comment about though:

When you switch to Rolf’s POV, you say that Rolf met Hannah and Neville after the wedding as Neville and Hannah were unable to attend. Towards the end, you then have Luna remember a moment at their[Luna/Rolf’s] wedding where Luna overlooked Hannah and Rolf locking eyes. So you may want to consider revising one of the two versions of when Rolf and Hannah met.

The next thing I have is a simple wording fix: “To her dismay she wasn’t, and so she went upstairs to have a shower.” In this sentence, you mean ‘he wasn’t’ as Luna was looking for Rolf.

And the last thing which was scattered a little bit here and there would be excessive commas. There were a lot of places where you put in an unnecessary comma. One example of this would be this sentence: “By the time it was 7 pm, they had laughed till their stomachs hurt, and eaten until they were so full, they felt as if they were balloons, that would burst at any moment.” –The commas after full and balloons are unnecessary. The sentence flows as one without the commas because otherwise reading it is choppy. There were a couple other sentences I noticed to, so you may want to do a quick check with those. [I realize it’s kinda nitpicky…but I’m a bit of a grammar nerd xD]

Other than those few things, I quite enjoyed the story. It was a good little read to get in before bed. Great job! Can’t wait to see what other sorts of stories you’ll come out with! :D

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Thankyou for the lovely review and sorry that it has taken so long to respond. I will keep those things in mind for when I do the next story update! I appreciate your helpful review thankyou!



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Review #23, by Tonks1247Francis: Lily Petal

3rd October 2012:
Hello! I have to start by saying this one-shot was quite amazing. I enjoyed the fact that you took a story that was briefly mentioned in the books [Or is it just the movie? Hmmm…I have some reading to do…] and transformed it into a story on its own, even more so because it’s not a moment I put much thought too. Another reason I have to compliment it is that I’m usually not into Marauder era, but the way you weave this story makes that fact okay. You keep the characters in cannon and don’t embellish on their characteristics or how they interact with one another and that made it really easy to read and get into.

A big thing that I noticed and quite adore is the way your writing style changed when you moved from Lily’s point of view to Slughorn’s. With Lily it seemed a bit more informal, as if it was being told by a student and then when you move onto Slughorn, it seems more professional, as if from the perspective of a teacher. It’s a really cool effect you had going on, and it made it very clear who you were talking about.

There were a couple of really nitpicky things I wanted to comment about. Not all of them need fixing, necessarily, but they were just things I picked up on and were not sure if they were intentionally that way or not.

“Now, my Lily flower, you want to upset poor me, do you?” James asked arrogantly...” --With this one, did you intend for it to say ‘you DON’T want to upset poor me, do you?’

“Forming a plan in her head, Lily smiled; a look of complete joy on her face as she placed the bowl on her nightstand and headed down for dinner.” --I think the use of a semicolon here is not quite right…the part of the semicolon is not a complete sentence so I don’t know if you wanted a comma or maybe just to reword the second part? [Really nitpicky…sorry xD]

“A dusty pink light emanated from her wand and speared straight through the glass of the bowl, penetrating the golden fish that swam.” --This wasn’t the first sentence I noticed this with but you end the sentence with a verb and it just sounds a bit odd when you read it out loud. It may just be a stylistic thing, but you may consider saying ‘in the contained water’ or something more fitting than that.

“As the last of the students filed in, Horace glanced over her shoulder with a fond look upon his face, a look of content before turning back and addressing his students.” --This one is just a wording thing. Instead of content, I think you want contentment, as it fits with the tense and stuff you’re writing with.

I do realize those are really nitpicky and I apologize, but honestly, you didn’t have many errors at all. The plot was well developed, along with your characters, and I did really enjoy reading this! Great job!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I really appreciate the feedback!

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Review #24, by Tonks1247invictus.: monday

7th September 2012:
Oh. My. Gosh. I’m totally at a loss for words. Blown away and struggling to even come to terms with what you’ve started this story out with. The writing was so hypnotizing and once I got into a pattern of reading, I couldn’t stop. It was like a poem that has a certain rhythm to it and you can’t help but keep going as you need more information as to what it is going on and it’s just so easy to read and to follow and to wonder. Really, the entirety of the narration and even the dialogue had me captivated, even as I struggled to see what exactly it was going on.

And honestly here? I’m not sure I know exactly what was going on the whole time. Like, at all. But I definitely get the sense of Rose. I get her need to find something in everything going on around her and I get that she doesn’t want to discuss what went on with Scorpius, who I believe is the ‘you’ she spends a lot of time referring to. And the whole complex thing about her skin, and spilling herself from a cut in her skin? Oh my gosh, imagery galore and I adored it. Especially this line: “I am everywhere trying to get out of my own skin, I am always convincing myself the skin and the self are the same, I am trying to love what I have, and aching to change. “ I was just like…whoa. It really got to me and made me think. It really was an interesting concept too. I mean, I’ve been at odds end with my skin, wondering how it’s possible to be in it but not want to be but need to be. It’s really complex and I think you really did touch on that complexity and explore it well.

Other characters: Molly. Her and Rose going back and forth about cold hands and a warm heart and warm hands and a cold heart. Don’t know precisely the intention there, but it really seemed to fit into their relationship and explain it in a way that no words really could. It was dynamic and really added something to Molly and Rose’s characters, I’m just not quite sure what yet. Albus was also an interesting character. He seemed sarcastic yet…I don’t even know the words. His character is a lot different than I’ve seen in most other stories…actually, all your characters were a lot different than I’ve seen them in any other story which really was refreshing.

And really? That’s all I got. It was phenomenal but I was at a loss as to what was going on. I’m sure as I get into further chapters, when the plot picks up as you mentioned, I’ll begin to understand what’s going on, but I think for now, that confusion is okay. It adds more intrigue and encourages me to go on and read the next chapter. [Also apologies if I confused you at any point in this. I think I'm getting a cold xD]

Great job!
Grimmerz

Author's Response: wowww this is an incredible review!! You're blown away? I'M BLOWN AWAY ♥

Omg you've said such nice things to me ;A; alksjdhflashfksdfasdjhflkajshdflkdsfakljhsdfakj

Ahem. Now I will try to answer you like a mature adult.

Well, thank you for being honest lol. I'm not sure I gave anyone anything to really like, /get/, plot wise. I don't think there's anything here except for Rose, so I'm so, so pleased that you "get the sense of her" ! And you're right, Scorp-o is "you" :D

You totally understand what that line meant. I can't add anything!! But thank you :D

Well, that's a bit of a drivel my mom and I say to each other sometimes, because I always have cold hands. I think you're right, there's this unspeakable friendship between Molly and Rose, and I mostly wanted Albus to be able to say his line. He's such a downer sometimes, but not as much as Rose :P Albus is definitely a bit sarcastic and actually I picture him as the downright, personality-based weirdest of them, even though Rose comes off as more strange because of what she's been through and how she's responded to it. In chapter 4 (which I've just finished writing), I do take time to explicitly--well, /explain/ what's happened in Rose's life, although what exactly is motivating Rose, the big "deception" that she'll pull through, is hinted at throughout the coming chapters :)

I'm glad that, for now, the confusion was okay to you: that's more than I could have hoped for, really! This review was really wonderful, I'm so so so thankful to you, and you were perfectly sensible even through a cold :P Get better soon and thank you again!

-lily


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Review #25, by Tonks1247Seeing Double: V

15th August 2012:
Oh my gosh…I don’t know why I ever let myself fall behind in reading this story. I adore the whole premise of the story and Molly’s character so much and I always find myself lost in the words that when the chapter ends, I feel almost lost. It really does make me wonder why I let myself fall behind, because it is just so fantastic…but I guess the benefit of being behind is I have another chapter to look forward to reading as soon as I finish my review xD

So. I love how you pick up this chapter from the last one. I don’t know what it is exactly about the transition, but Molly slowly waking up –waking up late yet besides- really gives a good correlation to the last one, with her awoken from this strange dream. It makes the connection with how off and weird this dream is for her with the fact that it is very abnormal for her to be getting up late. It gives that foreboding sense of something that’s about to go very wrong very fast and I just love that.

One thing in that first little bit, that I’ll mention now, is the working of the second paragraph. “Blinking repeatedly, although the light is gentle to your eyes and you adjust fairly quickly, you reach awkwardly for your alarm clock to check the time.” The wording, with the interjected part about the light being gentle on her eyes, was rather confusing. I got lost with that sentence and had to read over it a couple of times to catch what you were trying to say. I would suggest rewording the sentence so the added though doesn’t disjoint the sentence so much, if that makes sense?

I also love Louis teasing Molly about being late. It was just one of those moments that made me smile. The light teasing and the disappointment of Molly only being up late to read…it was funny. I could definitely hear the conversation in my head and could definitely hear the same conversation going on between my brother and I xD

With Arithmancy class, I love how O’Leary has to sit next to her. His character is definitely fascinating and Molly’s curiosity with him really makes me want her to talk with him more…to ask him questions and get to know him more so I can get to know him more. Definitely an intriguing character.

This also leads to one of my favourite lines of this chapter, which would be: “Scandal… the word repeats itself in your mind, a whisper. Malevolent, gleeful, curious. Scandal. // The lesson starts then, and the whisper goes away, retreating into the back of your head, muttering quietly to itself, that same, single word over and over again.” Don’t know why but just…I adore the flow and the word choice and just everything about this line.

What else…Oh, chess! I so adore Molly playing against Cassius Sadler in chess. I love the relationship of having these yearly competitions between these two when they really don’t talk to each other much. And I just…the entirety of the chess game has that anticipation to it of who’s gonna win and it’s easy to get drawn in to. And what made it even better was Molly complimenting his playing and letting him know he really is pretty good at chess. It developed her character in such a different way than I expected and it really added a good dynamic to that part of the chapter.

-One thing here: “All around the you, the room falls quiet, silent apart from the occasional whispered instruction to a knight or a pawn or a bishop and the rare scrape of a chair on the wooden floor.” –the ‘the’ before ‘you’ in the first section of this sentence is unneeded.

The rest of the chapter, of course, was amazing. I loved how the conversation with Dominique and how it really made Molly think. It gave her a different perspective on herself and of course further encouraged her to read more of the mysterious book as I really think her cousin’s words affected her… And then her not being able to answer the riddle [if it helps for anything, I definitely could not figure out the password when Molly first heard the riddle, but that’s beside the point xD] and Adonis coming up to let her in…it was good, but weird. Adonis’ character half scares me, half fascinates me. Would really love to know about his character a bit more too, cause gosh…he’s different.

Alright, I think that’s all I have…other than your word choice in this chapter is phenomenal. There were a lot of points in the chapter where I reread a sentence just because it sounded so elegant because of your choice of words. I’d give an example, but now that I’ve mentioned it I can’t find the really impressive places…but really, this was a fantastic chapter! I adored it and cannot wait to go on to the next chapter :D

Great job!
~Grimmerz

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