oh, this is lovely so far. i love the writing style. :)Author's Response: Thank you! I love that you have read and continue to read so much of my work and review every time. It's really sweet and I appreciate it a lot :D Report Review
Oooh, this is a really great start! I'm really intrigued to find out what happens next - I love stories that center around OCs that are well done, and it's only been a chapter but I can tell that you've done a good job with Lucille.
I really like the relationship that you set up, between her and Rabastan, and the way Bellatrix has to remind him of what happens - it suggests that he might not be so inclined to hate her, humanizes him a bit.
A really great start. :)Author's Response: thank you so so so much. And I'm so excited to keep writing more about her and Rabastan, I've got a lot set up for those too ;) Report Review
Lily! I love her so much, she's so cute. :) And aww, my heart broke for her - she's still defending Severus even after everything terrible happened. And James! He just won't quit - I suppose Lily's going to have to go out with him. ;)
I like this!Author's Response: Me too! (: She's definitely one of my favorite characters! Yeah, I don't think that someone could go from having defended someone their entire life to not at all within a couple of hours, but I suppose that depends on the circumstances!
Yes, I believe she'll eventually have to say yes... ;) Haha!
Glad you liked it and thanks much for the lovely review!
~VioletBlade Report Review
Aw, this is such a sweet start (and I really love the song!). :) Lily's regrets are perfect and the scene in the snow is lovely.Author's Response: Oh, this was so lovely to wake up to! Thank you!
I'm glad you liked the way this started... I'm not a hundred percent sure whether I want to include their engagement and wedding and all that, so I may make this chapter the "end" even though it's the beginning, haha!
Thanks for the review!
~VioletBlade Report Review
Aw, this is lovely. :) Your writing style is beautiful.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! :) I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Hey, I'm here with your review! :)
I quite like this. Whoa. I wasn't sold when I read your summary (simply because I wasn't sure what it was about), but holy crud. This is really well done. I definitely see the Hamlet influence, and your Cygnus is really good. Creepy as heck. Whoa.
There isn't really much I have in way of criticism, unfortunately (or fortunately, I suppose). I think this is a neat idea, and I'm interested to see where it goes next. Off to review the next chapter! :)
- JasmineAuthor's Response: Hi!
I'm glad you like it. A lot of people are thrown off by the summary - and perhaps I need to rethink it in order to make it more appealing to people - but I'm glad you looked past that and saw the story for what it was.
Cygnus IS creepy and a master manipulator. Writing him is so much fun because his behavior can be so different between him being alone and then how he interacts with the other characters - it makes you wonder what's wrong with him.
No criticism is always good news. I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed it, and I hope you like the next chapter! Thank you for the review. :) Report Review
I really like this beginning! I quite like your Brienne, her attitude and everything. I like the way you've started it. And Luna! I just love her so much. :)
This is a neat beginning, and I'm wondering some things but I'm hoping they get answered later. Great job!Author's Response: ;) Hi! Thank you very much for reviewing, I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Hey, I'm here with your review! :)
Oh, wow. This is heartbreaking. I love this sort of thing, the stories where someone's dying and the other has to deal with it (I just really like angst) and this one was spot-on. I loved your descriptions of Scorpius' sadness, and the ending, with Rose thinking she didn't love him - ugh, ugh in the best way. And I love stories that have cancer - because it would be sort of awful if the Wizarding world had a cure and didn't share it with the Muggles, wouldn't it? I like when there are things that not even magic can fix.
There was one thing that I noticed - you said emancipated when you meant emaciated.
This story was really well done, though. Oh, goodness.
Thanks for the excellent read. Great job.
- JasmineAuthor's Response: Yay, thanks for the review! I'm really happy you liked it, and thanks for pointing out that error! ^_^
-Jacqueline Report Review
This was fantastic. I loved Rose's story, the way everything sort of came together. Dom's death was heartbreaking and I teared up a few times. ):
I loved how unique all of your characters feel. Sometimes after reading Next Gen stories, I feel as though all of the girls are the same person, but here, I have distinct impressions of each of them, and I really like that.
Very well done. :) It was a really enjoyable read. Report Review
Oh, wow. This was beautiful. I love your James and Lily, the way Lily slowly goes a bit crazy, the way she falls out of love with James - well, I don't think she really falls out of love with him, just loves him in a different way, right?
I love this line: "She understood sadness, but he made her understand happiness and so, she loved him." Gah. Beautiful.
And that last line. Sweet and sad and so very well done. I've never read a James/Lily like this but I enjoyed it so much.
Great job. Report Review
Oh, goodness. This is beautiful and sort of haunting. I love it. I really like your Cho, one who's accepted that Cedric is gone while wondering (idly, it seems) what could have been.
I love this line: "In a strange way, they were never more than ordinary. " I like stories that have romances described as that; and I like that he was not her first love, or her first anything, but her first loss. That's a really beautiful idea, I think.
This was really well done. Great job. :)Author's Response: Thank you!
Eep, you put it in a very lovely way yourself. Yes, I never saw Cedric and Cho as the end all romance, more of a small thing that she would linger on later in life.
Thank you very much :) Report Review
This is a really good story. :) I quite liked your characters, and I felt bad for Scorpius, not knowing. I felt bad for your main character, too - she's too afraid to tell him, for obvious reasons. Rose isn't the greatest, though, taking him from her. Argh.
This was sad and sweet, and I really enjoyed it. :) Good job!Author's Response: Thank you very much for the lovely review! Yes - usually I love reading the stories where everything is lovely and the two main characters end up happily ever after...but it's sort of nice to write a more bitter story :-)
Megan xo Report Review
This is a really cute story. :) I love stories about Dudley, and I liked that we got to see him as a kid - there aren't that many of those. And poor Harry! Goodness, Vernon is sort of terrible, isn't he? xD
This was really well done, I quite enjoyed reading it. Good job!Author's Response: Thank you! I know - I've never personally read a Dudley story (not that there aren't out there) but I got him for a challenge and actually really enjoyed writing him as a boy!
Megan xo Report Review
I was going to mention that James was Head Boy, as well, last chapter, but I forgot and you mentioned it, so it's okay.
Poor Lily! I didn't like Will, not so sure I mind him being dead. (:
Ugh. Marlene. I just want her to forgive Lily... But I understand her refusal. Fear makes people irrational.
I have a feeling James is going to lose the bet. ;D
Again, sorry for such a short review. D: I'll try to find real critiques next time!Author's Response: You'll find out how James becomes Head Boy in the next chapter -- rest assured it is canon compliant.
Meh... I kind of liked Will, and was almost sorry to kill him off. And it's good you understood Marlene's refusal -- she was being irrational, but for a good reason.
Thanks again for another lovely review, and don't worry about not criticising anything. It may mean that I'm doing something right, for a change!
~Soraya~ Report Review
Okay, so I'll admit that I'm a huge Lily/James fangirl, and this is perfect. I love Lily's reluctance to talk to him but of course James charms the pants off of her even when he's being vulnerable.
I like that you have the rivalry between Petunia and Lily, and that Lily doesn't just sit back and take it.
I feel so bad for James. ):
Again, there weren't any problems. I'm sorry I keep giving reviews that are so short and unconstructive!
But you've sucked me in. I'm going to keep reading and reviewing, because I really, really like this story.Author's Response: I have a soft spot for James/Lily too :) Hmm, not quite sure about James charming her -- and they won't get together any time soon! Although there will be some near misses, LOL.
I have a sister so I knew I had to make Lily and Petunia's rivalry real.
Don't worry about it being unconstructive -- I'm just really happy you liked it. Thank you for the review!
~Soraya~ Report Review
Hello. I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to get to your requested review...
I like this a lot. It's a really great beginning and it sucks me into the story. I like your Lily and I want to know what happens next, to everyone else!
I don't have any criticism, really. I like that they carved Mudblood into her arm, like they did with Hermione - I think they'd react in similar ways.
I really want to know what Marlene does when she gets back - unless she's already been captured? You make me want to read on. (:
Feel free to request for the next chapter. :D I really enjoy the story.Author's Response: Don't worry about taking a while -- I don't mind! I'm glad you liked it. And you have no criticism? Yay. Good to know :)
I'm not telling you what happens next, but I will be requesting more reviews from you soon. Thanks for reviewing.
~Soraya~ Report Review
Hi! You requested a review a while ago and I'm a terrible person who's just getting to it. ><
I like this start. (: I like Amaya, I don't think she's a Sue. I'm a bit confused as to where her loyalties lie, but I think that's just because it's the first chapter.
I'm a bit confused about Tom as well, but from what we know about him in canon you seem to have gotten him pretty spot-on. I like how he pretends to pay attention; it seems like him, always wanting to put on a good face.
It seems really modern to use the word 'gossip' back then, but other than that, a really good chapter. (:Author's Response: Hello! Don't worry about taking a while. My own review thread has been abandoned for a month :( busy time of year.
I'm glad you like the start of this! I think the characters get clearer as the story progresses, or at least I hope. Amaya's loyalties are confusing because she's confused about them too XD
Thanks again for the review! Really appreciate it! Report Review
Hi! It's been nearly two months since you requested, I'm so sorry. I kept getting caught up in life and things, BUT I'm here now to review. ^_^
I liked this chapter. I'm still a bit confused, but it seems intentional. I like Nydia, and I like the Vanessa Greyback thing.
It seemed a bit like you were telling what was going on, as opposed to showing, but it worked with the story and didn't hurt it too much.
At the end, though, it's Kedavra, not Kadavra. That's about the only issue I had with it...
Overall, a good chapter. (:Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Aw, this was so cute. Hearts in my eyes! Which, on second thought, might not be best because this is sad, but still. I love how you have a hopeful ending, even though the whole thing is him wanting Elle. And I really like how you incorporated the quote, it felt really natural.
Thank you so much for entering the challenge and writing this piece, it was lovely. (:Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked this! I feel like a proud mother! Haha :)
Anyways, I really loved the quote, so it was easy to incorporate it in! From the beginning I had this idea of what I was going to do with it, so it's good that you think it worked out well.
Oh, and thank you for hosting the challenge! It was an awesome idea- very clever! Report Review
Holy cow. This was so.. wow. I hate to rhyme, but it was! The description was really neat, and you have an excellent way of showing us what's going on without making it seem as though you're dragging the story and mystery out. I'd like to know what happens next!
I really enjoyed it, and I feel as though, even though it's the first chapter, I'm a part of the family drama, which is something every author wants to achieve. (:
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Rhymes!
Thank you so much for this lovely review, Jasmine! I tried very hard to emmulate the old black and white crime drama films while writing this, and so a compliment on the description means the world to me! So glad that you feel a part of the family drama... though you may regret it in the next chapter. bahahaha. :P
Thank you so much for this review!
melissa Report Review
Hey! I'm sorry this review's taken so long to get up... I ended up being slammed with homework! But I'm here now. (:
I quite like Gracie. I love the way you opened this; I think it was original and really telling of what's to come. It was a really nice way to get us into the story.
I'm confused as what the relationship between everyone is. Is Gracie a Gryffindor? And why was she at the other table? Why is she friends with Remus but not Sirius? This might have been intentionally vague, but if it was, I'd try adding a bit more ambiguity to parts, as opposed to saying that she hated Black. I'm not sure, that just really confused me.
Other than that, though, this was really nice! I enjoyed it. (:
-Jasmine Report Review
Aw, this is really nice! I adore Luna, and I think you've done her characterization really well. (: It was interesting to read, and I loved how you had her discussing the endings that weren't really endings - a very interesting way to phrase it. (:
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for this review!! Luna is rather philosophical, so there is a lot of end/not really end type conversations to come.
-Melissa Report Review
I really liked this. (: I was afraid Ginny was going to have the same mentality throughout the whole thing, and I think it would be a bit OOC for that to happen... But in the last paragraph you pulled it together really nicely!
I liked your use of the lyrics, and the way she said she would be 'forever haunted'; a nice tie-in to the song without being overt about it.
Really, nice job. (:
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate the review and I'm glad you liked this! Report Review
This is really, really cool. I was reading through it the first time and I thought it would be one of those stories that could be read backwards and forwards and it didn't seem like it would work, when I was reading through it, but it did! It worked so well! Both ways, it flowed so naturally and I can't imagine how difficult that was. This was a really nice story, I loved it.Author's Response: Thanks so much! It was definitely a pain making this work backwards and forwards, I'll tell you. ;) And I'm really glad it payed off and you liked it! Thank you for the continued support! I adore your reviews. :)
- Celeste Report Review
Oh, this story made my heart ache. ): Poor Hermione... there wasn't much imagery here but it was still so powerful, so well done.
There's not much more to be said about this, other than an extremely good job. I loved it and I teared up at the end, yes I did... I figured out what she was doing just a bit before it was 'revealed' and I had this sinking feeling. ): Poor Hermione!
So, so good. (:
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Hey Jasmine, sorry for the late response!
Hermione's story was really sad and depressing to tell, but in many ways, I thought that it was definitely a friendship story that showed the benefits of a lifelong friendship.
Thank you for the support!
- Celeste Report Review
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