This was such a entertaining and fun chapter, and I'm so, so glad!! What an awkward little band the four boys made up... roving over the town making mischief. I adore you regulus... he's such a trickster, if (which he better -___-) Fred survives the races, I could see them becoming good friends. I adored when Regulus was taunting snape, and I'm curious as to what did happen to Eileen -- perhaps she died in the races? Or went to the Grotta.. Annnd DUMBLEDORE AND GELLERT. Gosh I hope the boys crashed some late-night date, I think it'd be lovely for them to have the relationship in death that they were never able to sustain in life due to personal differences. The vision of Gellert twirling around like a saucer is hilarious. And Cedric's so salty here! Loved it. What a bent out of shape little puff he is. I was nervous as Regulus climbed the wall to the grotta because, they are mortal there and can die!! And then that man that appears. I need to know who that is, just so you know. :P
I hope you have a very happy birthday!
MelissaAuthor's Response: HEY, ALMOST-TWIN. ♥ I always start out reviews/review responses with caps lock. I am eternally shouting at people.
Baww Regulus. I love, love, love Sirius and struggle with the idea of letting him grow up, so having Regulus there to fill the void softens that for me. So now I get to make Sirius evolve while Regulus gallivants around, wreaking havoc. Eileen! Tis a mystery~ In this story, Dumbles and Gellert totes live together. Dumbledore deserves a turn at old people romance, I think. Lool, Mel, every time I read your comment about Cedric I laugh. Salty and a 'bent out of shape little puff'. I am imagining Rachel's wounded pride here. SORRY RACHEL. Poor Ced, in a bad mood because he lost the tournament. Vincent is r00d.
That man is Barty. :3
Baww, thank you. ♥ Report Review
This is going to be such a great story, not only because how much it means to you, but more than that, it already is fabulous! This scorpius, omg. I just want to know him, sit down, have some coffee (or tea). He seems so real and down to earth and very passionate... the sort of person that you can really talk about the big questions with. I love the image you've painted for him and cannot wait to see what you have in store for him, his students and the readers.
gah. Loved this, and am excited for the next chapter. (H) Rave on, my friend.Author's Response: MOL.
eee, thank you! feel free to have tea with my scorpius, he's free from around 4 each day after teaching ;D awwh, thank you for saying so, I am enjoying writing him for those reasons, and I'm looking forward to developing his character more as he goes through the trials and tribulations this story throws at him...
thank you so much! rave on, puffin... ♥ Report Review
CREY. FEELS. ALL OF THEM. ERMEHGERD. There isn't going to be anything remotely sensical about this review because this chapter was so good that my head is buzzing and my fingers are heavy and words are just so, so hard to string together. Now, a request... can you just write this story forever?? You really have a gift becase everything you write you bring to life... nothing is only words on a page, but rather a living breathing feeling story. and oh the feels this one feels. The depth of emotion is so achingly raw and reading, I felt just as helpless as Ron did. Just as frustrated as Kingsley and just a desperate as Arthur. That is something amazing to be able to do Rachel and for that I'm insanely jealous. The words in this story string together so easily and naturally, it's hard to imagine that at a time this story didn't exist.
CHARLIE. HERMIONE. I love ronmione so, so much. They are my otp and it is so painful to see so much pain and strife in their lives so soon after they shared their feelings with one antother (b/c their canon first kiss was like, what? 12 hours ago? Not even?) You have done such a remarkable job bringing all the canon characteristics of ron to life... he's moody and tempermental and passionate and loyal in all the best ways possible. Nothing about him feels like merely a charicature of a trait which I find a lot in FF-Ron characterizations. (not that I doubted for a second that yours wouldn't be brilliant). Annd Percy. Poor percy. sitting there on the sinkboard not knowing where he fits into it all. In canon, he was able to aclimate back into the family as they all healed together, but here in this world, he doesn't have that luxury. He's back carrying the weight of the sins of his past watching his family continue to suffer. And finally,Arthur... I love that man to pieces, and I may be odd for this, but I love when authors portray his hurt over the losses of war saddled together with his strenght. He is a brilliant man, always giving ot his family and to what is right. Molly is one lucky woman, me thinks. Oh, I lied. Not finally. Bill -- I find his quiet sort of suffering to be particularly moving. Charlie is his best friend, the best man in his wedding, and here he resigning himself to practicality for the sake of all of their lives. His quiet suffereing sits wonderfully in contrast to the fiery suffereing of Ron and Arthur.
gah. I'm going to run out of characters. that's never happened to me before... but last topic, me thinks. Harry. I find it absolutely stunning in the most brilliant way that nobody is lingering on his death. He's dead... so they must keep fighting. I think that goes back to speak to something Harry said when he chose to go on... that they'd continue fighting. He knew these amazing men and woment that he left the fate of the world to and he believes in them. Harry was the chosen one, but he chose them. He chose Arthur and Bill and Ron and Hermione... and now it is their turn, and that to me is a huge gift -- the belief that they can do it, that they can come out on top.
Okay. seriously almost out of characters, so incase this rambly all over the place review didn't state this clearly enough, I am in love with this fic. Your writing here is really something special -- it's gorgeous and gritty and moving. You're doing phenominally well with this -- keep it up.
All my love,
MelissaAuthor's Response: THIS REVIEW. HOW CAN I EVEN FORM WORDS. ♥ I'll start by saying that several of the things you pointed out or mentioned in this chapter sparked inspiration, and you've really made me feel loads better about chapter 5, you brilliant person you. :)
I think this story might be a bit longer than previously anticipated, but the unknown is very scary -- I rarely write anything without planning it thoroughly first. :D I am so, so glad you had such amazing things to say about these characters, though, and especially about the Weasleys, because I know you write a LOT of them in WAT. Especially Arthur -- he's someone I don't write a lot, and sometimes I was just writing a bit blind, or for plot purposes, characterization aside. Just... gahhh. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME.
That whole paragraph about Harry. I can't even. It's like you got /exactly/ what I was trying to get across and articulated it in a way that I couldn't, and if anyone ever gets confused I will direct them to that paragraph. Trufax.
Thank you so, so, so much for reading this story -- I honestly can't tell you what it means to me. ♥ And I'm so happy you're enjoying it, too! I can't wait to hear your opinions on chapter 4! :3 Report Review
Annd here I am again because I am really enjoying this story. :)
I know loads of people tend to balk at the concept of shared head dorms, saying that it's unrealistic and such and such... but I think you are doing a fabulous job of making it work. I think one of the most stand out aspects of this chapter was how magical everything was -- the lion lock on the door, the portraits, it really felt like hogwarts and for that I commend you. I think sometimes FF has a tendency to take JKR's characters and forget the magic.
I actually really thought that the argument between Lily and James was well written and realistic. James walking out was a good move, too I think. It really helped define his character beyond the chivalrous protector. And Lily's confusion is brilliant, too. I found myself easily relating to her throughout this chapter.
I also liked the bit of comoraderie and fun that you subtlely brought to this chapter... little things like moony being the rational one, sirius and Frank's banter (and omggg. FRANK. He's hilarious. I laughed so, so hard when he called out the old DADA teacher) it really brought a breath of vitality to the chapter in the serious backdrop supporting this story.
I didn't spot anything that leapt out at me in this chapter, so well done!! I am anxious to read the next chapter and hope to do so soon. :)
MelissaAuthor's Response: Shared dorms. Man was that a hard one. But, like I've said, this story takes many twists and that shared dorms is very important to one of them. Along with having to say your first and last name, as well as the lion lock. Keep those in mind ;).
I plan on never letting them become a 'love den' so hopefully that will help. This cliche is just one I loved too much to step away from. I am so happy you felt that bit of magic from this, I hate when it's randomly used at the author's convenience (like to take some magic pregnancy tests) but never talked about other times. Along with class work. We are in Hogwarts, there will be classes. I know some people just want the drama and such, but again, we're in Hogwarts! haha!
I hope Lily remains easy to relate to. Her moods are a bit shifty for a while (she just lost basically her entire family, she's allowed to be a bit of a wreck, right?) but I do see her now as being very scared of a relationship. How much more can she risk losing?
Frank! Ahh! I LOVE Frank. I hate SO annoyed at him just being a nerd. Neville was a bit awkward, he was raised by his grandma who is a bit critical -- he's going to be awkward. Why would Frank be the same? I really see him as a bit uncensored and sure of himself. He quickly became an amazing Auror, I think to reach that status you'd have to be sure of yourself. I write a lot more about Alice and him than I originally planned to.
Keep an eye on that new DADA teacher too, will you? ;)!
When I saw that you left another review I 'eked'. I was SO excited!
Okay, the next chapter is very, very long. I'm sorry :(. It's really one of the best though (besides the 5th, I'm going to be totally honest and sound a but horrible when I say this, but the 5th chapter freaking rocks). haha.
I've thought about splitting the 4th into two, but I just couldn't. And the reviews I've gotten since editing it and changing it all agree that it really is strongest as a whole.
You will love the detail of the beginning I think, I made up a very interesting potion that I think you'll like reading about :).
I've also been told the 4th reads very quickly, so that has to be good! Seriously though, please don't run and hide form the length!
Okay, I'm off to WAT and Luna..
Thank you so much for your amazing, wonderful, encouraging reviews! *hug* Report Review
Okay. First off, let me apologize for how long it took me to get around to this review. RL decided to have a mini explosion right after I had signed up to read this!
But all that aside, here I am at last. :)
My initial impression of this chapter was that it was a very good delineation of both Lily's depression and James' inherent masculine need to comfort and protect -- it was very enjoyable and very well done. I particularly liked the short passaged in the opening of the chapter. They sort of seemed read like she is slipping in and out of conciousness, in and out of awareness. I think that speaks volumes to the extent of her depression and anxiety and perhaps even a bit of denial on some level.
A car crash! A car crash kill Mr. and Mrs Evens? Wow. That makes me all the more disdainful of Petunia -- to use the very act of violence that killed her parents to lie to poor little Harry. Gah. What a twisted world she weaves.
I love that you've brought a sort of depth to James and Lily's relationship. It wasn't like a lightbulb that, bingo! one day they suddenle lurved each other and went skipping off into the sunset. Rather, you've placed them in a position where they're sharing a very traumatic experience and (I think?) will continue to deal with it and grow in their relationship with one another. I like the touch of maturity that you've brought to James' character, but I am anxious to see him in a lighter atmosphere with his friends. Even in all the seriousness of the world at hand, I'm sure he knows (or is in the process of learning) that there is a time and a place for seriousness and gaiety.
I was particularly struck by Violet's character -- she brought a very real sense of teenager-ness to the very dense, serious tone of this chapter. I think she served an important role to remind the reader that these characters are more or less children.
Finally, I have two exceptionally minor critiques for you, but they're ones that I think may improve the quality of this already wonderful chapter. The first is the use of the word 'lit' infront of laughter. I don't think that this is the proper use of that word. Perhaps you mean 'lilt' -- sort of like the slide pitch or melody of the laughter?? The second critique is a more general one. I understand that Lily is in a bad place (you've done an excellent job of painting that picture to us) but your use of the word 'shatter' is very repetitive. Her heart shatters, her soul shatters... I know that repetition can be an important stylistic tool, but if repetition was your intention it's a little unclear and reads sort of like word over-use. I find the best way to fix this while writing is before I use a word that seems to pop into my head super easily, I do a ctr + f and see how many other times and in what context I've used the word already.
All in all, I think that this was a fabulous chapter! Great job!!
-melissaAuthor's Response: I hate the light bulb. Almost as much as I hate Lily being portrayed as a brat and James as an overly jerk then the two falling in love.
Okay - during my entire writing of this chapter all I could hear was Hagrid's voice saying - A car crash kill Lily and James Potter? I'm so happy to see some people picking up on that twisted Irony. You will learn the story (my version, at least) of the Evans sisters falling out, and probably dislike Petunia even more. But first love her because you'll see her through Lily's eyes for a bit.
Okay, anyway. When I worked on this chapter I also worked on the character sketches for the Evans because they come back rather often. I have Adrianna Evans (Lily's mother) being half Irish. Her father is from Ireland and lived there with his wife, who was from England, until Lily was three. So -- anyway, I must have been feeling a bit Irish when I wrote 'lit of laughter' because it is a very Irish expression. I definitely need to change it ;). Thank you for pointing it out!
No, I absolutely did not mean to portray repetition with that. Like you said, it's just one I'm partial to and I didn't even notice my over use. I think it's time to spruce this one up. Would you be okay with it if I PM'd you the new version when it's finished? Feel free to say no!
I love showing the four boys in a fun light, Peter's even becoming enjoyable to write. Which shocked even me. I'm excited for you to see Hogwarts open up, and though Lily has a long road ahead of her, she is very lucky to have such loving people to walk beside her during it.
Okay. I'm done rambling. Every time I get a review from you I seriously go into fan girl over amazing writer reviewing my story mode.
Thank you so much, this chapters is one of me weakest, it needs to be revamped. I really hope it didn't turn you off, because I plan on stopping by your review thread as soon as it's cleared ;)!
Jami Report Review
Finally here for your review (totally blame house cup for my tardiness :P )
I don't read marauder fics too often, and everytime I do I wonder why I don't. I thought that this was a lovely opening chapter. It really painted a lovely environment that James grew up in (and Sirius to some degree). I loved your characterization of Mr and Mrs Potter -- the way that Mr had to mind his language around his wife really made me chuckle because I can imagine a similar dynamic in Lily and James' relationship. I loved the introspection you offer us into Olivia Potter's mind -- especially about Sirius and her son's friendship. So motherly and loving despite her initial hesitation. All in all I felt like it was all very realistic and believable.
The imagery in the first scene was very well executed as well. I loved the lead in to the scene with the houses and moon and why this one house was so different -- very jealous. :P The atmosphere inside the Potter home was equally well done. It all felt very homey and warm.
I did spot one small thing (a word really) that if fixed could really strengthen the scene:
"Her heart ached with concern for that boy who, since /the/ first day of Hogwarts, had been a constant part of their lives." --the is a little vague. I know you mean sirius and james' first year, but 'the' does little to specify this. Perhaps 'his' would work much better and help this sentence to stand on its own.
The second scene was particularly moving. I'm very anxious to see how this all plays out. You've alluded to a very strong friendship between your characters and it should be very moving to see how it grows and changes as the story progresses. I especially love that you broke up the tone of the last scene with a little bit of humor. Sirius' bewitching of the bike -- lololol.
Honestly, jami, this is a great first chapter!! Well done.
MelissaAuthor's Response: I totally replied to this. It's that submit button that get's me!
I edited your above suggestion with changing the to his, thank you for that! It was one word that went so far as to really pull together that sentence!
Sirius is a trouble maker... maybe that's why I fangirl over him so much (be still my beating heart!) Thank you so much for this wonderful review and I'm so sorry that I'm just now replying to it!
I am so happy you liked the imagery, I really wanted to paint a strong mental image of the house we were stepping into. Homey! That's exactly what I wanted! Yay!! I really fell in love with the Potters and can't wait for the chance to write them again!
Thank you so much lovely for this Report Review
Hey!! Her I am for your requested review. :)
First and foremost let me say that I adore stories that experiment with style and structure and atmosphere. This was a lovely little one one-shot that really seems as though it suits the central theme quite well!!
That being said, I'm not sure that the numbering system was quite as effective as it could be! (I mean this is the nicest way possible) The first scene, for example is introduced by a simple sentence -- this works WONDERFULLY and really sets that line apart from the scene that follows. Some of the scenes seem to lack this succinct lead in and instead start with normal narrative. I think that the short numbered scene style would be much more effective if you remained consistent with your structure.
That little bit of critique aside, I think that you did a brilliant job painting Astoria's characterization -- her tendency towards academics, her glasses, her passion for flowers and reading. Gah, it really was perfection. The relationship she has with her mother was well delineated as was her eventual relationship with draco. You painted a very sad, quaint picture of her life and it was gorgous.
I was really happy (despite this being an inherently sad story) when I got to the end and Astoria finally realized that she can learn to love this man who is her husband. Hope is an extremely powerful force and I'm so, so glad that this character that you've sculpted so beautifully now has it on her side.
-MelissaAuthor's Response: Wow, thankyou so much! :D
Aaah, I know. I keep editing it, and then un-editing it and then..well, it's all over the place. I sort of lost my muse slightly in the middle, which is why they're less effective. That aside though, I'm definitely working on fixing it.
Again, thankyou ^__^ I loved writing Astoria as well, it's extremely different from anything I've done before. Hope is definitely the best thing at times.
I really appreciate you taking your time out to review my story! Report Review
So, a long long time ago I had promised that I'd get around to reading and reviewing this, and tadah!! Here I am at last.
This was a gorgeous story! I loved the archaic feel of the language and mannerisms, truly it really did bring the story to life. I feel that all to often potentially great founders era stories are sullied by anachronisms, but (not that I'm anything close to an expert) this felt very organic and natural.
And what a lovely story to tell!! The dragon and the deathbed promise and the reunion of father and son. Salazar searching for the elder wand, the subtle references to the chamber of secrets. It was all spectacularly done!! The prompts you chose to work with highlighted this story well and fit very naturally into the course of the narrative.
Great read! Thank you for sharing.
MelissaAuthor's Response: Tadah! Here's an author response!
Thank you, I tried to avoid anything that seemed anachronistic as I think that's important when it comes to Founders! 'Organic and natural' is nice, I like that... thanks!
Wow, I like the way you summarized the story- I may have to borrow that for the actual story summary :P I'll PM you :)
As for the prompts, thank you very much for that comment. I used the minimum of 5 prompts, and I could probably have shoehorned more in but they wouldn't have been right and it would have cost the story something I think. Other authors really succeeded in mentioning more, but I don't think it would have worked in my narrative!
Thank you again for reviewing :)
xoxox Report Review
Hey here from team bronze!!
I think this have a very calculating and precise use of language that I really found intriguing... almost clinical. I really liked the feel of it. The progression of this fic was well paced and very natural feeling. The interaction between your characters felt very raw and organic, which I loved.
Annnd Draco/Astoria is golden. So happy to see you writing them. Great job!!Author's Response: To get such a review from you makes me want to squee because you're such an awesome author! Really! Thank you so much for all the compliments! And it really is good to see that there are people who like Draco/Astoria as they really are growing on me!
And go team bronze!!!
Thank you so much for the review!
-Manno Report Review
Here as I promised with a review for you. :) I thought this was a good story that made very good use of the prompts you chose. I loved the bit towards the end with all the "who"s You imagery was well executed and I could see the setting as I was reading this. I think that this gave a depth to Salazar that I don't see often (though, truthfully, I don't read much founders) and I felt very sad for him.
Great job!Author's Response: Aww thank you for your sweet review! :3 I've never read any founders at all so I wasn't sure if this was a horrible clichee or totally new xD I'm glad you liked my Salazar!! :') I'm growing quite fond of him! :)
-June Report Review
I love the balance you've achieved with this fic... between the intense, edge of your seat action and the interim chapter full of the characters we love in their day to day lives. And as much as I love all the character development in the quiet chapters, I really do live for these action-packed ones. I am nervous from the very moment I click the link until the chapter is over, because I know how intense it will be, how one of the cast will die at the end, how clever and crafty and surprising each round has been so far.
And this round was no different. I LOVED the quidbumps game. It was like gladiatorial quidditch and the concept was so horrifying that it was thrilling. It was nice to see Fred and Cedric in their element, quidditch stars that they were. And James' reluctance to throw boys from their broomsticks. I was very moved thinking about it, because really, Fred is only months younger than he is. Colin was sort of sad and hilarious and entertaining all at the same time trying to control his broom. lolol. It was a great glimpse of Crabbe's character too, his drive to only attack those smaller and weaker than him. What a bully.
And sarah. Now I need to say something very, very serious. YOU NEARLY BROUGHT ME TO LEGITIMATE WET AND SALTY TEARS. YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO CALL ME CROCODILE. That bit about Fred's bitterness at Tonks, for looking like george, for making him feel the grief that he had been compartamentalizing for so long was like a knife through my heart. creyyy. I think I am just too close to the weasley twins. Fred's death is the one that I have still not forgiven JKR for. I know that what everyone says is true, that in a family that big, that involved in the war it'd be unlikely for them all to come out unscathed ... but why fred? D: this line, I found especially moving:
George now walked in and out of Fredís dreams, trying to speak to him in blurred language Fred didnít always understand. I canít manage the shop without you. Ginnyís in danger. Ronís in danger.
Because I think of my george and where he is emotionally write now and lsdjfaowiejf omg. And then tonks looking like Molly as she plumets to the ground so that Fred is obliged to soften her fall -- I love tonks, I do, and I admire her for her tenacity and cunning and willingness to use her talents to her benefit, but crey. LEAVE POOR FRED'S HEART ALONE.
And then of course the ending... I'm sort of nonplussed by Cedric's dismissal except for the fact that now it's down to Tonks and Fred. AND THAT IS CRUEL. VERY CRUEL. And as for Tonks eliminating James for Lily's promis to never again enter the tournament, asldkfjaoweifjwe what a bamf move. And now it's just poor Colin and Crabbe. It may be terrible, but I have no idea which of them I'd rather see in the final round... if it's crabbe, then I wont' miss him if he's snuffed out... but if it's crabbe and he wins, I just couldn't stand that.
My poor heart. This story is going to kill me.
xoxoAuthor's Response: HI. ♥
The duels are my favorite chapters, I think, even though I always put them off the most. I will sit and plot them half to death but not begin writing them for ages, it's ridiculous. It feels like they're what stands out the most for readers, and the most important parts that everyone already sees coming, so it puts a bit of pressure on me to make them try to meet those expectations. Which I don't mind, honestly, because I tend to do better when under pressure.
Gladiatorial Quidditch! That is a perfect way of putting it. Omg, though, the reason why I made Quidbumps is because timelines in the history of Quidditch were giving me a HEADACHE. Like, Snidgets were banned before Quidditch even became really popular and had all of the rules grounded and such, and before there were many teams. But I wanted to use a Snidget, so there was much groaning. Then I wanted to write about Shuntbumps but it was too simple a concept and I wanted that Snidget. Thus, Quidbumps was born. :P
I FEEL SO BAD FOR FRED. I felt compelled to add that in there because some readers have been wondering why I never show Fred brooding over George. I honestly just can't stand to show Fred angsting like that, and I'm going to explain that in much more depth in a future chapter. But I feel like for all of Fred's strength, he would still have these issues even if he tried to downplay them. So I showed a glimpse of that here. SO SORREH YOU WERE UPSET, BUT ALSO HAPPY BECAUSE ~FEELS~. FEELS ARE GOOD.
Honest to goodness, I kept Cedric alive because I know that Rachel would murder me otherwise.
Fred vs. Tonks and Colin vs. Crabbe... *voodoo fingers*
♥ YOU ARE LOVELY, AS ALWAYS. MAJOR SQUISHES. ALSO ARE YOU PROUD OF ME FOR FINALLY RESPONDING, BECAUSE I AM. Report Review
So I had just written this really lovely review for you and the blackhole of the archive ate it. :I
Anyway, I hope take two is just as good.
This is hands down one of my favorite entries I've read from any of the houses. A dragon's point of view! Gah. A /little/ bit envious of that genius. And what a dragon she is!! She's so strong and loyal and full of a wisdom that almost feels ancient. She is so protective of the little Calla (which, can I just say, sounds adorable and a half... I want to cuddle with the poor orphaned dragon. D: ) and is so self sacraficing.
So many stories in this challenge have really featured the terrifying strength of the dragons, their viciousness and such... but you have depicted an entirely different strength, a quiet strength. And it is stunning.
Charlie. Weasley. Be. Still. My. Beating. Heart. I swear I'm in love with him... in a non-creepy, if he wasn't a fictional character sort of way. I think Delilah's assessment of his character speaks volumes to who he is as a person. She senses his intentions, and feels his respect and love. One of my favorite quotes of all time is "you can tell the heart of a man by his treatment of creatures who can do nothing for him" and it really, really applies to this charlie and his huge heart.
I really really respect that you didn't feel the need to include all of the prompts into this story. This story, as a result, is it's own entity. It feels incredibly organic and genuine. Gah. So. many. feels.
You did a spectacular job with this and you (and your house) should be very, very proud of you.
xoxoAuthor's Response: Oh my gosh, I now write every review on my Pages processor because of that. My reviews for the my review thread get very, very long, and I will not risk them! haha!
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a second though, between you and Sarah, I am nearly a puddle of tears. This review is definitely going onto me, 'review to look back at when I feel like I'm a horrible writer,' list. I LOVE Delilah. If I could have anything right now, it would be her as a pet/friend.
And Calla, really? Can you imagine having that little kitten sized thing running around wanting to play?? Ahh!
I am happy that you like my different portrayal of her as a Dragon, I couldn't bring myself to write anything about a monstrous creature trying to destroy Neville. I wanted a noble creature that only wanted to protect her baby. And your review has really made me feel like that came across loud and clear :)!
Ummm you are talking to an Sirius obsessed person over here, don't worry, your Charlie crush is far from creepy in my mind ;)! Seriously, I live vicariously through the OC that I ship Sirius with in Before They Fall. Charlie is almost just as yummy. A strong, fearless man who is gentle enough to have animals coming to him for rescue? Yeah, I'll take it.
I am kind of kicking myself for not including all the prompts, because I know ultimately to be considered for a best overall entry, it would have needed them. I just couldn't bring myself to it do it though. There was no natural way to fit in Neville's wand with this amount of words. They have two dying Dragons; they aren't going to sit there and talk wand specs.
Thank you so, so much. You are amazing, along with this review Report Review
I've read several dream-based entries for this task, but well, I especially loved yours because it is /entirely/ her dream. She never has to wake up and live with the fall out of the dream. It was a sweet little way to give Cedric and Cho a good bye!
Very well done.Author's Response: Hello right back! I'm really glad you liked it! I thought this worked better than my first idea for the two. Thank you for leaving this review! Report Review
This is nice entry piece!! It was lovely to see a moment that happened before Cedric's death, and YES it was sad to see her coming to accept his role in the tournament knowing how it ends up ending.
Good job!Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it(:
LLL(: Report Review
I know that I read this last night, but rereading it again now, I think that I appreciated it all that much more. This was such a sweet story -- Cho really does love her Husband in all his eccentricities. And how lovely he sounds, with his enthusiasm for Cho's world despite her seeming nonchalance about the superiority of magic. They really sound like a well matched couple. I'd love to see more of them than this little snippet, but that's the tease that are one-shots.
This was great (was there any doubt?) and I'm very happy you wrote it and am green and a half (so teal?) with envy that you put something like this together as quickly as you did.
xoxoAuthor's Response: Hay gurl haaay! I'm so glad you stopped by again after the first read. I'm skeptical about how 'sweet' it is, per se, because I think Cho is very, very in love with the bitter aftertaste her war experiences have left in her life, but yes, I think Michael's a good match for her. He's a real trooper, dealing with her and loving her anyway. I don't think their life together is all sunshine and daisies and LOTR reenactments, but you never know, I might drop in on them again :P And there was a lot of doubt! Lots of it! I'm still not sure that I like it, but I'm glad I tried and finished (don't know how that happened in such little time either). Thank you, as always~ Report Review
Short review for youu, because well, you know I adore your writing (this was no exception to this) but 24 entries. 2. 4. holy wow. I have been trying to bridle in my feels and keep reviews at a managable length. /trying/
Anyway. Woman, you're crazy. I know you said that you were worried about the semblance of consistancy in this one-shot, but really you shouldn't be. This is like the tri-task tournament of Cho's soul. Crey. It's gorgeous. The opening dragon task was my favorite -- with the pink dragon and alskdjfowie and gorgeous imagery and language, but the second scene contained my favorite part. You did such justice to the character of Aberforth!
This is wonderful and you are crazy. LOVE YOU.
xoxoAuthor's Response: MELL ♥ hee you are too kind. T'was a good idea with a sputtery muse. I'm so glad you like it though :3 And Aberforth has always had a slice of mah heart, so extra cheers for finally being able to fit him in somewhere.
LOFFS. Report Review
I really enjoyed this story. It was so nice to see the evolution of Cho's thought process and fears that lead her to the fray of the final battle. The personification of fear and her subconcious as a dragon was so well executed. I thought that you weaved all of the prompts in extraoridinairly well!! The dragon's blood one felt a little out of place, but for the sake of the competition, it's understandable. :) Great job, dear!!
W.W.W.W.W!!Author's Response: Thank you so much *blushes*:-)
You're right about the dragon's blood. Guess which prompt I had missed when I checked through at the end:-)
The story is definitely something different for me, I never would have come up with it without the challenge. Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
Here to spread some ravenclaw cheer!! :) I thought this was an interesting story concept given the prompts provided. I did notice a few typos here or there, but nothing that can't be fixed up with a quick edit. I loved the imagery that you painted here... it really was beautiful. Your parentheticals, for the most part, worked well -- though they perhaps would be more effective if there weren't quite so many of them. A good rule of thumb is that if the message within stylistic parentheses doesn't serve a purpose, it may be better suited as a part of the narrative. :) Really, though, this was a wonderful story that I really enjoyed reading. Very well done. I'm so proud of all of us Claws. W.W.W.W.W!!Author's Response: Hi Mel! Thank you so much for stopping by!
Glad you liked the imagery! The parenthesis were mostly to keep a rhythm and insist on some of her thoughts, but you're probably right, it was a bit too much. I received your message too, so thank you so much for reviewing this and I'm so happy you thought I did well! Report Review
I'm trying to finish reading and reviewing all of the amazing Claw entries before voting, and so here I am!!! I thought this was a very different take on the story prompts provided. It continues to amaze me how unique all of the stories are despite generally being about dragons and Cho. I liked seeing her through the eyes of her granddaughter!! And giggled at the idea of her having a pet blast ended skewt. :) Very nicely done.
-MelissaAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it :)
The blast ended skrewt was my fave :) Report Review
I just stumbled upon this, and wowzers. It was so simple, but complex at the same time -- complex in a way that a living and breathing organism is in it's essence, just an organism, but in it's entirety cells and systems all coordinated to work together. THAT is the sort of understanding that sits between Harry and Ginny here and it's really quite beautiful. There were two lines in particular that stood out to me and made me reread them b/c they were that good:
He smells like sadness and she sucks it in, so that maybe he wonít have to.
^^ that paints such a lovely image of Ginny as Harry's anchor and refuge, as his strength.
He just wants to be someoneís hero again.
^^ OMG. I just, no words. That's so sad and so beautiful and gah. I'm drowning in a pool of feels.
This was an amazing one shot and I hope that you are proud of it.Author's Response: I've definitely never had anyone compare a story of mine to an organism, so thank you! I understand what you mean about simplicity and complexity, and I'm glad that I managed to pull that off here and you liked it so much :D Please don't drown! And thank you so much for your lovely review. I'm always most proud of the most recent thing I've written, so I am proud of this - for now (; Report Review
I've been slowly reading through the task one entries and was really tickled by this one shot. It really was lovely. I loved the idea of a job interview, and how mental of a process it was -- I suppose you have to be tough minded to face fire breathing dragons every day!! I loved that for the most part, Susan's mentality was very much in the here and now... except for a small passage about the Carrows (which I felt was brilliantly executed and well placed within the context of this one shot) susan was very focused on the task at hand. I was very intrigued as her though process unfolded with the chinese fireball and so, so glad when she made it to the door. And, Charlie Weasley!!! Gah, I love him... I'd ship he and susan any day of the week. I'm actually surprised that I haven't seen him in more of the task entries.
All in all, this was a fabulous little one-shot!! Good luck to Hufflepuff house!Author's Response: Thank you so much, Melissa! I'm glad that readers are being so kind to this story - it's certainly not the kind of story that I'm used to writing these days, and I was having a lot of trouble convincing myself that it was any good.
Haha, it would be quite a job to work with dragons, probably like working in the service industry. :P It's not a very Hufflepuff-like job, but Susan is resilient, and she really wants to prove herself, not to anyone else so much as to herself - she's disappointed by her behaviour during the war, believing that she should have done more, and taking on this job falls somewhere between punishment and ambition.
Yay! I'm glad that you would ship Susan and Charlie too. It would be fun to expand on that relationship to see where it could go. :D He's a wonderful character to write - I haven't done so in ages, though.
Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story! It always means a lot to hear from you. ^_^ Report Review
Oh, this was delightful, Jenny!!
Such a unique take on your House Champion... poor Longbottom family can't catch a break. I loved that you created a reasonably well fleshed-out OC for this story. He sounds fab -- and he must be fit. He works out, after all. :P I was very intrigued by neville's fate and was completely invested in the story he told, never really questioning its truth or validity, and then BAM. Smacked upside the face by the sad, sad truth of it all.
This is a great entry and a fantastic story. :)Author's Response: Hi, and thank you Melissa! Lloyd was sort of created on a whim so I had to pull out his details very quickly, but he is a bit of fun. I'm glad the ending got you, it was definitely supposed to be a shock ending!
Thank you for your review lovely! Report Review
I thought that this was a really interesting use of the provided prompts. :) Gosh, I always love a good Neville fic. I thought that the plot was fun and different and fairly realistic in the aftermath of the second wizarding war... I mean, furniture dye is pretty coo ;) (alright, alright, its affect on unicorns may be a bit more profitable). I also think you fit the prompts in wel, without making them feel forced or unnatural. Diana's character was very entertaining and hilarious, not that I'd tell an author her business ;)
All in all, a very enjoyable read!! Gryffindor house should be proud. :)Author's Response: Thank you! I was actually really nervous tackling Neville - I usually avoid focusing stories on major canon characters, because I'm so worried about them being OoC. This was probably the closest I've come, so I'm glad you liked it! ♥ (And also that you liked Diana - I have another story about her that I'm working on.)
Thank you so much for the review. Report Review
This was an amazing insight into a character we know essentially nothing about!! There were so many good things in this one-shot, so many things that made my mind whirl and my imagination spark, things that made me contemplate humanity and the human condition... and that's no small feat. I think this one passage in particular rang particularly true in my mind:
"Only determination. For a Hufflepuff it was simple; the people she loved needed her to be strong, so she was strong. She helped as many as she could and closed the eyes of those she couldnít."
It did so much for the character of Susan and for the house of Hufflepuff in general. Bravo! You worked the prompts into this story so seamlessly that I scarcely noticed them as I read.
Very well done!! Hufflepuff house should be very proud of you! Report Review
This was such a great story!!
I feel like more often than not one shot's provide a fleeting glance at a moment or a collage of moments intertwined by some common theme, but this, this was a STORY. I could see the whole encounter play out film-style in front of my eyes as I read. You really did an excellent job creating something unique and wonderful from a list of prompts that you wove into this story very subtley. I was surprised how many of them you listed at the end since I barely noticed them as reading this!!! My only one qualm with this is Salazar's characterization as a proponent of DADA, and staunch critic of the dark arts and of dragon letting -- not that it wasn't a lovely characterization -- but I do wonder how he ended up the muggle hating, advocate of the dark arts later in life.
Great story! I'm sure Slytherin house is very proud.Author's Response: WitnesstoitAll,
Oh, thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments! I had so much fun trying to get all of those prompts in there. LOL!
As far as Salazar's character... I have to say that this challenge is WAY different that what I write or normally like. I have never read a Founders story. So, honestly, I have no idea what Salazar would be like. I questioned in my mind why Salazar would want to start a school with 3 others that were so different from him and what their common reason would be to come together... and DADA seemed to be a good answer. LOL! And well, I needed him to be good to his dragon in this story. In my mind he is still Muggle-hating and for the dark arts, just not fighting until death. It's that Slytherin self-preservation thing. :)
Thank you so very much for this review. I appreciate every word!
P.S. Go Slytherin! :P Report Review
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