Reading Reviews From Member: WitnesstoitAll
  
609 Reviews Found

Review #51, by WitnesstoitAllPortraits of Courage: Lily Evans

7th August 2012:
Hey hey!! Happy Birthday to youuu!

I loved this chapter (I know I say this about all of them, but it's truee!) As I said in the James-chapter, I adore your characterization to Minerva to pieces. I cannot imagine being in that role. Of course she's a disciplinarian and an educator, but at her heart, she's a mother. these children are the ones she never had, and to have to recruit them, endanger their lives ughh. That's so moving and I think you do a brilliant job of capturing that emotion.

I also really enjoyed your characterization of lily in this chapter... she's very eager to please and proper and humble and demure -- it is such a treat to see that after all the rage!fiery!sassy!ginger-lily characterizations that are out there. I think people tend to forget that she's HARRY POTTER'S MOTHER. She gave up her youth for a idealistic cause, she gave up her life for her son... I have a very hard time connecting these canon facts to the common characterization of her. Your lily, though... omg. she /is/ that canon lily.

All in all, this was a brilliant chapter! I hope you have a good birthday!

Author's Response: Hey, hey, thank you. :)

Haha, you can totally love all of them, that is okay. I'm glad you love Minerva. It was definitely not my intention to write all of the Marauders from her POV but it worked in my favor to really push across that feeling that she's sort of sending them off to their deaths, you know? Like they are her responsibility and yes, she's giving them the opportunity to say no, but deep down, she knows that they won't.

I definitely feel that Minerva is motherly, despite being an educator. It makes me sad.

Ah, I love Lily. I don't think she's a hot-head like some people believe. Maybe a little bit, but I definitely think she's humble. I love that you remember that she gave up her youth for that and you're feeling a connection with her character and canon Lily. I love youu. :)

Thank you so much. You're awesome.


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Review #52, by WitnesstoitAllFreshly Mown Grass: Freshly Mown Grass

3rd August 2012:
I adore ronmione and so of course I couldn't pass up this little one-shot! This was such a lovely (and amusing) moment in Ron and Hermione's eventual relationship. What's more is that I think it's the sort of moment that everyone can relate to in some way. (Everyone gets caught staring at one time or another, right?? :P ). I thought you did a great job capturing Hermione's voice, and definitely had a good giggle over the Hermione's conflicting voices brain, heart and hormones.

Gah. Love me some good ronmione fluff!! And this most definitely qualifies as that.

Thanks for sharing!
Melissa

Author's Response: Totally agree - who hasn't been busted while staring open-mouthed at a hot guy or girl? The line with her brain, heart, and hormones is the main reason I wanted to post this, even though it's so short. It made me cackle while writing it XD Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm really glad you liked it :D

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Review #53, by WitnesstoitAllCapture the Dark : Betrayal

2nd August 2012:
Hey!

I saw your status and was like, SIRIUS ONE SHOT VALIDATED!! and of course had to scamper over here to read it, and boy am I glad that I did. This was a very moving one shot, and I almost wish it was longer than it is (for selfish fangirl reasons). But I think that a lot of the emotional impact of this piece comes from its brevity. It's just a glimpse of the painful story we already know, and reading Sirius' version of that pain and that story is so, so moving.

I think you did an excellent job with the description here. I totally felt the cold night that Sirius was flying through. I also think you processed his internal monologue well... the language felt fairly natural for Sirius. I think sometimes people elevate narration of their characters to a point that is no longer accurate for that characters -- but this, this was done very well.

Ahh. Poor Sirius. That whole group, and generation really got such a bad lot of life. I realized writing chapter 13 of WAT today how very few characters remain after the first and second wizarding wars. D: I'm way too much of a baby to play with those characters while still keeping ot canon, so I'm very glad brave souls like you do!!

Great one shot!

Author's Response: Bahh thanks for this amazing review, Melissa ♥

As silly as this sounds, part of me didn't register what I'd ultimately do to these character before I started Before They Fall. And then after I did realize it, I was already in way too deep. I swear, if I start thinking about the Marauders and Lily all losing their life to this war, Frank and Alice losing their sanity... I almost always start to tear up. It's just so sad ;(.

Anyway, I am so happy you liked the descriptions and Sirius's internal monologue - that was difficult because I really think he'd either be thinking nothing - everything would just be black and terrified, or he'd be thinking everything, so I tried to just pull little strings of the 'everything' aspect out.

You better be nice with WAT - we both know what a baby I am ;(!!!

Thanks again for this amazing review ♥


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Review #54, by WitnesstoitAllRun: The Beauty of Someday

1st August 2012:
Happy Wednesday to Me!!!

This review is likely to be short b/c my mum will be wanting help in the kitchen soon, but I can't walk away from this without reviewing... because that my dea would be a tragedy. This is such a fabulous chapter!! I think this may have been my favorite non-race chapter yet. There are just so many gorgeous things here dealing with both the imagery and description and with the characters and their actions and thought.

I adore your Sirius. He's so delightful... squeezing himself between Remus and Tonks... what a classy fellow. :P Though I do think he's made tremendour progress, and I loved having a chance to see where he's at mentally. I loved his outlook on his 'life' ... though it makes me very sad that any one should have to die with so little to leave behind. That would be a lonely life indeed.

It's very good to see that Lily and Tonks are beginning to get along. :)

And Snape!! This was such a big moment for him, apologizing to Lily/the Potters. I know he has a redemption of sorts in the book, being finally identified as a secret hero, and not a villain, but this was just as equally redeeming, and it was wonderful!! I think you handled it very well from Snapes words to Lily's reaction and James. And oooh! Parasol Park. I love that it's there in their afterlife... and am very suspicious of who buried that photograph.

Great chapter!! Looking forward to next wednesday. You are the cream to my coffee, and please never change!! (black coffee is el grosso. :P )

Author's Response: MEL. ♥

Baww Sirius. So immature in some ways, so well-adjusted in others. I like his perspective on life and his friends - he's the farthest from grief, so he can more accurately view everything. I think he's the reason why James is more well-adjusted than Lily - James is around Sirius more than Lily is, so some of Sirius's positive outlook rubs off on him.

Ever since The Prince's Tale, I've been curious about how James, Lily, and Severus would handle a reunion, what they would say and do, and I wanted to give Severus a bit of time to acclimate himself with seeing Lily again, and seeing her with her husband, whom she still loves, before he had a real conversation with her. It's a pretty harsh reality, him realizing he lived his whole life for her and then he comes here and she's still 21 and in love with James Potter, so it took him a while to come around. It's good for Severus, though. He shouldn't be in misery over that woman forever. He deserves his own life.

You are the mocha creamer + sugar + milk to my coffee.

Woo, tomorrow is Wednesday! A race chapter!


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Review #55, by WitnesstoitAllBreak Out: IV.

28th July 2012:
Rachel!!!

AHHH.HHH.HHH. I don't even know how to form sentences. I'm still spinning, buzzing, reeling from that chapter. It was brilliant and grim and so in your face... you don't mess around sugar coating anything -- you just put the world out there with all its chaos and darkness and complications and corruptions and emotions. It's all so accessible, and for that I commend you tremendously.

I loved your portrayal of Hermione... her internal battle between her emotions and her logic was so realistic and in character for her. Ah! Not many people can really capture hermione and often push her too far into rationality or keep her tumultuous and don't allow her logic to guide her, but this... this was excellent. I think my most-favorite line (there were many favorites) was this one: And it might have worked; but logic had one simple failing that always managed to elude her, and that was that sometimes, the world just simply wasn’t as logical as her brain wanted it to be. it's just so obvious, and for that, completely brilliant.

Your interaction between Hermione and Bellatrix was executed extremely well. I hate her so, so much... and I certainly hope in the course of this story Karma finally comes back on her. (Bellatrix, ofc, not Hermione :P ).

And Draco!! I was very pleasantly surprised to see his bit of this chapter... I love the Malfoy family, their faults and weaknesses that simmer from the inherent need for self preservation... their realization of where preserving themselves has landed them. There is so much story in that. I thought your internal monologue within Draco worked very well... Running may not seem like the bravest of actions, but it was a defining moment... for once, Draco's need to try and preserve himself coincided with a moral decision. Annnd HE FOUND THE INVISIBILITY CLOAK!!??!! ME THINKS THIS /MAY/ BE IMPORTANT IN THE FUTURE. I cannot wait to see what comes next, Rachel and that is the most beautiful things about this story... that this is so much more than /just/ a good story. it is the sort of story that I would sit and read in one sitting and then be left bowled over by the emotional baggage that accompanies each and every scene. This is fabulous, and I hope to goodness you realize that.

I am so, so lucky to consider you amongst my friends. (H) x 5eva.

Author's Response: Mel! Oh my gosh, you're such a speedy reviewer. I can't even. ♥ I needed this chapter to be emotionally-charged, and was worried about how it would come off, and then you came by and pretty much annihilated all my worries and are just a lovely person in general. ♥

I'm so relieved you thought Hermione was good, too, because of exactly the reasons you point out. So, so often, people will go to extremes and push Hermione's personality to be one way or another, when in reality she's rather a mix. I haven't had the opportunity to write a lot of Hermione and was rather worried about writing her here. I love that you found that balance in her; that's EXACTLY what I was going for!

Draco is going to play a very key role in this story, I think you'll find. (That is, if it all turns out as I'm seeing in my head -- I still haven't gotten everything all nice and outlined.) I don't really like the Malfoys as characters very much, but writing Draco is surprisingly fun! And yes, the Cloak will come into play. ;)

Seriously -- I cannot ever, ever thank you enough for leaving such wonderful reviews. You are fantastic, and your love for this story makes me love it all the more. And I, too, am immensely lucky to count you as a friend. ♥


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Review #56, by WitnesstoitAllArthur's Treasure: 3. Percy Ignatius Weasley

28th July 2012:
Hello, lovely!!

I saw your status and wanted to pop by to read this quickly before I leave for work, so this review probably won't be terribly long. I adored this chapter!! It was so interesting to see such a fateful night from another wizarding family's perspective... I could not imagine living as all of the wizarding families associated with the order or its members are. It's all very moving -- Arthur's thoughts when he hears of Lily and James' death, that they had a child really showcased his fatherly instincts. I got the feel that Arthur must have thought of his own family, of his babies when Molly gave the news.

On a lighter note, I think your little portrayal of Haloween was brilliant -- especially all the children's (and Molly's) costumes. I absolutely giggled out loud when I pictured young percy dressed in a beard and eyebrows. And a little charlie dragon!! Too cute. :) Story time with Percy was a precious moment... sort of symbolic of the necessity for life to move forward. Sure, there's a war going on, and witches and wizards are dying... but there are children who need to be enriched... who need to learn to read and to imagine. Very lovely touch. Also, the closing line of the Babbity story lay in such contrast to the immediate atmosphere of this chapter, but was perfect because in a way, it almost prophecies the future: ‘...and the wizards and witches of the kingdom were safe and happy forever after.’ And just now I am reminded of the closing line of the series, of Harry's All is Well and ahh... it just all fits together so wonderfully.

Well done!

Author's Response: Hi Melissa! Don't worry, this is a lovely sized review! :P

I think you're right about Arthur, he'd think of his own children when he presumed that Harry had been killed, and that would be awful I think!

I really enjoyed thinking of the costumes! I think little Percy is my favourite, I wish I could draw better than I can or I'd draw a chapter illustration for this one! I think little Percy is a sweetie, so earnest, and I wanted to portray that side of him.

That's the thing about humankind - no matter what happens, what danger they live in, children need to be raised. That's what most people fight for, I think.

I love your point about the closing line of Babbity Rabbity (incidentally, I made it up as I remembered that of course Percy wouldn't have the Hermione Weasley translation/adaptation!) ...it makes me feel clever even though I'm not sure I made a conscious decision about creating a contrast and a prophecy at the same time! Heehee.

Thank you for continuing to read and review, it does mean a lot to me!

Sarah xo


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Review #57, by WitnesstoitAllRun: Line in the Sand

26th July 2012:
SARAH.

GOODNESS GRACIOUS. I don't know how, but I managed to miss this update yesterday and crey... I feel so badly because this is so, so good.

I know this entire chapter is about the founders, but I can't help but draw parallels to the triangle between snape and lily and james. Especially with their physical descriptions... The opening scene was gorgeous and a half... the second person works so, so well. and the imagery... gah. can I just sink into the words and live there?

I loved seeing a bit of Salazar and Rowena's lives before death. And I found it particularly telling of their relationship that Rowena didn't want to be seen by Godric while in salazar's arms. I loved when Salazar said that bit about ... by not hurting him, you're hurting me. gahh. I actually feel for the man and wish Rowena would just love him.

Annnd you clever, clever writer, you. You’re all that I need, she had once told him. And don’t ever let me forget it. Those words. You've written them before...and I believe it was when Lily was speaking to James about Severus. And here rowena is speaking to Salazar. gahhh. It's like parallel... but not parallel b/c it's like all in a funhouse mirror. Godric is James in appearance and virtue and Salazar is Snape in appearance and virtue except not actually and it's all distorted. Love is such a strange thing and love triangles the strangest of all. This is beautiful, on so many levels -- your characters, your description, this world is so, so rich and well developed.

Gah. I would read this story if it was solely about the founders... only it's not... it's about so so much more than that... the politics of the races, the contestants, all those living in the village... the grotta. ermehgerd.

This is so brilliant, and you never cease to amaze me with it.

Author's Response: MEL. ♥

I love, love, love how you pick up on stuff. I think there's always a level of apprehension in writers that the hints they lay are too vague and will be missed, but you picked up on the parallels, and I'm just very YAY.

Rowena is sort of the representation of women I've seen in just about every love triangle in existence. They have it in their heads that they have to choose between these two people, that they /must/ make a choice, that it's all down between these two people. And it always makes me wonder: shouldn't you find someone with everything you want, instead of those qualities divided between two people? I've never understood that. If you can't make up your mind between them, then you shouldn't be with either one.

Yep, I used those words before. Although I do believe that in Lily's case, she said 'want' instead of 'need'. :3

And here I thought no one would like this chapter because it was founders era! I thought everyone would find it boring since that era isn't very popular on the archive. Ermehgerd, Melissa. I'm so full of feels. You are so awesome, you have no idea, and you've helped shape this story in ways you don't even know, you and Rachel both. You are the maple syrup to my french toast.



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Review #58, by WitnesstoitAllThe three little brothers: The three litle pigs

26th July 2012:
Hey!! Happy Solstice Ball.

I thought that this was a very cute idea, the merging of the two fairy tales -- that of the three brothers and the deathly hallows and that of the three little pigs. It was interesting to see how you managed to weave them together. I had to giggle the first time voldemort asked to enter antioch's house. I would be interested to see how the three little pigs could stand as a magical story of its own, though... since we know that of the three brothers is a wizarding tale of its own.

There were a few places where the story may benefit from you making a seperate paragraph, particularly when you switch focus from brother to brother -- it would help the piece to read a bit more smoothly.

All that being said, I think that this was an adorable little story, and I very much enjoyed reading it.

Author's Response: Hey, happy solstice ball to you to :)
I'm glad you liked the idea, I might try another one where it's just them on there own!
I'll go back and check over the paragraphs, see what I can do.
Glad you liked it and thanks for reviewing! :)


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Review #59, by WitnesstoitAllOne: One

26th July 2012:
Hey!! Happy pass the parcel review!

I think this was an interesting one shot -- portraying the relationship between James and Lily and their third wheel. I know so many couples like that in real life, that end up more or less babysitting one of their friends. I do think that your characterization of Sirius felt a bit too young for him... I know you wanted him to appear immature and what not, but there is a difference between immaturity and being a child. Everything was still really amusing, though... so it's just something to think about for future writings. Also, I'd suggest using a few more dialogue tags or descriptions than you do here... I love that everything snapped together quickly, but it was a bit confusing as to who was saying what to whom. Also, a few descriptors after the speech will help to fill out the scenery and make this scene more real in setting.

All in all, good little one shot! Keep up the good work.

-Melissa
Ravenclaw 2012

Author's Response: I know I'm working on the dialogues. This story is under construction. I'm doing some serious editing. I've been having this confusing people problem but now I'm getting over it bit by bit. :)

Thank you for the lovely review Melissa. I know I babysit the love of my life, Sirius. Too much I guess. I'll get that sorted out :)

*Hugs*


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Review #60, by WitnesstoitAllBefore They Fall: Secrets Surrounding Us

23rd July 2012:
Another great chapter!!

I loved being able to see the alternative perspective from Bellatrix and the Death Eaters at Malfoy Manor. I feel like you did a realy great job characterizing her, so kudos to you!! She's a really difficult one to work with. I loved the way you sort of focused on Bellatrix's psychosis, her obsession with Voldemort's approval, etc. It was very believable and well written.

I'm very intrigued abou their motives, but am going to go out on a limb to guess that they're after James?

Talk about starting up lots of little plotty things!! Omg. Now I must know whatever it is Sirius was about to tell James. I was so frustrated when Petere interrupted. While I'm on the subject of peter, I think you did a good job with is characterization -- the little tidbit about his parents seperation was a lovely touch.

Ahh. I love the continued use of the name, truth, password combination for the head dorms. I'm interested to see what sort of truths will come out of it. Professions of Jily love, perchance? ;)

This is such an enjoyable read and I'm so glad I found it. Good work!!

xoxo
Melissa

Author's Response: Your reviews make me so so happy! You're spoiling me!

Yes, at this point it's okay to know that they are...intrigued by James. Sirius. You are really going to feel sad for Sirius when this comes out :(. I just want to hug him.

Yay pay extra special attention to that password, secret thing ;).

Thank you so much for these amazing reviews! Crossing my fingers chapter 6 is up tonight!



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Review #61, by WitnesstoitAllHiding in the Shadows: Discovering the Truth

21st July 2012:
Saw your status and figured I'd pop by to look at this. As far as the grammar goes, I'm a little suspicious of your use of semicolons in the opening paragraph. Also, Rose claims that she's been sleeping with her boyfriend for two months (which is typically 8 weeks, maybe 9 weeks) yet she's thirteen weeks pregnant. Unless she's seeing somebody else on the side, you may need to correct something. Other than that this seemed like an interesting enough opening chapter. I'm curious to see what you plan on doing with this story.

Good work.

Author's Response: Yay thank you!

I've changed that little discepancy now thank you for pointing it out!

The semi colons are gramatically correct though they may not look too great but I'm sure it's not too bad!

Thank you for the review


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Review #62, by WitnesstoitAllLies: Lies

21st July 2012:
I thought that this was a very interesting experiment in style!! I'm always thrilled when authors take risks and try to do something a little more artsy than straight narrative. I think the bold lines throughout this and the final parenthetical work really well to carry this story... they are the rhythm, the driving pulse underneath the current of the story. I also appreciated the use of italics to emphasize the past and the normal text as the present. Because it is styled the way it is, it may not be totally necessary to introduce a memory explicity as you did here: An old memory hit me in the face, slapped me almost physically. I think that the construction of this story lets readers know that the next passage is a memory... and so I'd trust your readers to pick up on that. :)

I thought you worked through the emotions in this piece really well, also the description. My only other suggestion would be to clean up the formatting some. The large breaks between paragraphs located througout most of this story is a little jarring -- but really, that aside, this was a good little one-shot!

Well done.
Melissa

Author's Response: wow, I,m a little blundred xD thank you!! :3 I will try to fix the formating, now that i,ve learned how ;) I used to have that issue all the time ^^

thank you! I'm really, really glad you enjoyed it!^^

xx

-June


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Review #63, by WitnesstoitAllHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: A Friend Indeed

21st July 2012:
Heyy!!

Finally got a chance to read this chapter, and boy am I glad I did. :) This was a fantastic chapter. I loved the shift in perspective here -- it was great to see a bit of the world from Draco's POV. I love seeing various author's interpretations of what happened to the remaining death eaters and supporters of Voldemort following the war. I think that you did a really good job with it. Also, the relationship that you painted between Astoria and Draco felt very real and believable. I loved the way you characterized her in a similar mold to Draco's mother...

Oooh! the plot continues to thicken. All of the backstory on Marcus and his cronies was fabulous. The build up in the Record Keeping room was wonderfully done and when the wand fight broke out, I was practically speed reading to get to the end and see what happened. When the man with the toupee showed up I was shocked. I am very anxious to see who the casulty was. I certainly hope it wasn't Hermione... but it seems a bit early in the story for such a big loss. Ah! I don't know. But I'm very anxious to continue.

There was one small correction that I'd like to point out: "Hermione spend the next two hours" spend should be 'spent' :)

Fabulous chapter!
Melissa

Author's Response: Hi, there! Sorry for the embarrassingly slow response. Too much Going on this weekend.

I'm glad you liked the shifting points of view. It's one of my favorite narrative techniques and I probobaly use it to death in this story. But I like being able to give the reader a few different perspectives on events and, as an author, it's very helpful to convey the information that I want to get across and conceal what I don't. ;)

I spent a lot of time thinking about how to age Draco realistically, so I'm really glad you liked him. When I think about where his character started off in the books compared to where it ended up, I'm still amazed by JKR's ability to develop and define characters. I just tried to keep him on the same trajectory he was on at the end of DH. He's not a hero, he's not really a villain, he's something in between with traits of both.

I'm happy that you liked the scene in Magical Records. I enjoyed writing it, even though it was tricky to keep track of which character was where, doing what. Hermione... well, you'll find out very soon!

Thanks do much for reading and leaving such a lovely review!


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Review #64, by WitnesstoitAllThe Blossoming: Beneath a Starry Canvas

21st July 2012:
Oh my goodness.

There is so much in this chapter that I want to point out and love, and now that I've gotten to the end, to the part where I actually write this review, I'm a bit at a loss for what to say. This story is so, so painstakingly canon -- it makes my heart so, so happy. I literaly grinned the entire time I was reading this. The way you casually flit from description to humour to a bit of angst to warm, fuzziness ahhh! Can I borrow your brain, because you, my dear, are brilliant. Like, Hermione-brilliant.

You handled a large table full of an enormous cast with so much ease -- that is really something to be proud of. And your characterization of each and every one of the Weasley's was so spot on. I think the magic of this story is really in the little details... the small one liners that pop up in the course of the narrative that really bring this story to life. For example, that bit about Arthur and the airplane, while Molly blanched at the memory. Ron's mention of a famous seeker to make Harry feel better about losing the game of quidditch. The little line about where all the bubbles were coming out of George. These things are little gems sprinkled through this story that help to convince the readder that this really is the Weasley family, and as such there was never any question in my mind that your account of these interim years is how it happened.

I adore your portrayal of Harry and Ginny's relationship here. I often find myself balking at the thought of writing Ginny Weasley because I can't typically wrap my head around her or her relationship with Harry. I feel as though you really brought a depth to their relationship that I hadn't found yet in the FF world.

Lastly, I have a quick question for you. Where did you find the date for when all the little weasleys were born? Or did you make the order they arrived in up? I'm currently in the midst of some planning for the second half of my George/Angelina novel and was looking for some info on the next generation children for completeness's sake, so I'm curious how you came up with your timeline for their births.

Anyway, this is such a brilliant story and I cannot wait until you update it again. :)

Very Well Done!!
Melissa

Author's Response: Melissa! You're a very lovely reviewer so thanks for the lovely review!

I'm glad I can make your heart happy?! Haha. Can I just say, comparing me to Hermione is the biggest compliment ever. So thank you!

For me, reading a story, the details are so important so that's why I love to include them in my own writing. I have a giggle thinking up all of the little human idiosyncrasies I can include to round out the picture a bit more.

Thanks for your comment on the relationship between Harry and Ginny... I know a lot of people find that relationship hard to get, but to me it always seemed natural. However, it's one of those relationships that is rarely depicted in FF as something close to canon... which is what I've tried to do! So I'm glad you think I've achieved that - particularly as you don't usually like the Harry/Ginny ship.

As for organizing the many Weasley and Potter babies - I do have a master timeline! Some dates are canon and can be found on the Harry Potter wiki, but I worked most of them out, based either on the likely spacing each couple would want between their kids, or on which characters I wanted to be pregnant and which children I wanted to be born by the time the story starts. I'd be very happy to send you the dates I have (canon and otherwise) if you'd like a starting point! And the dinner... I did have to draw up a table plan to keep it all right in my mind!

Huge thanks again for continuing to read and review - I really have to get on with the next chapter, knowing I have 'readers'! :P

Sarah xo



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Review #65, by WitnesstoitAllWater Dragons: Big News

19th July 2012:
Omg. SARAH, you wonderful person you. This was honestly the best birthday present -- everything about this was so light hearted and sweet and fun and gahhh. It twas brilliant.

Tonks and Charlie's friendship was so natural and easy feeling, their bickering and shoving and wand pointing all leant itself to how long they've known each other and just how good of freinds they are. Tonks was perky and clumsy and everybit the girl I imagined canon tonks to have once been and charlie was so driven and keen and lovely. YOUNG CHARLIE, YOU SHALL GROW UP INTO A GORGEOUS DRAGON KEEPER ONE DAY.

And ermehgerd. STELLA. STELLA MADE IT INTO THE STORY AND PLAYED A BIG PART. HE. SUCH A SMART KITTY, TOO. I adored the role she got to play in this story, purring on Charlie's leg, and accompanying them on all of their adventures and the fact that only she knew that they really had succeeded in finding the water dragon... PERFECT. AHH. I REPEAT, ERMEHGERD.

The plot of this was so charming and fun... an epic quest to find something... I loved that charlie placed his trust in Tonks only to have her loyalties skewed by a handsome smile and shining hair. Ahhh!! I can't believe that Charlie had actually discovered a mythical water dragon... only to leave thinking it was just a prank by Hajari... GAH, CHARLIE SEE WHAT STELLA SEES.

lol. I absolutely loved this story. thank you so, so much. It was a lovely birthday present.

xoxo
Melissa

Author's Response: Yayy, I'm happy you liked it! WAS A WEE BIT NERVOUS ABOUT POSTING because I've never written Charlie before, or young Tonks, and could not for the life of me remember if you wanted it to be shippy or friendship. So if you wanted shippy, I le apologize for le fail.

CONFESSION: CHARLIE IS BEGINNING TO INTEREST ME NOW. Which means you need to hurry up and write your Charlie fic because I am suddenly overcome with wanting to read about him.

Stella!! I wanted to squeeze a Ben in there somewhere too, but forgot. Stella and her secret water dragon knowledge. ^ ^

Baww, Tonks, one look at the attractive enemy and she's a goner. Charlie! Turn around! It exists!



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Review #66, by WitnesstoitAllBefore They Fall: A Night of Surprises

19th July 2012:
Wow. There is so much in this chapter, I'm not sure where to begin this review!! The writing was very enthralling and so I was so keen to get to the next scene and then the next that I don't think I did a very good job of reading critically. By all means if there's an area/scene that you would like me to look over let me know and I'd be more than willing, but for the purposes of this review, I'm going to focus on the things I enjoyed most!!


lolololol. Seriously, what not to love? I literally was laughing outloud when Lily was fake seducing James, and panicing about not being able to look away from his bare chest. There was something just so young and fresh about it that it was a lovely contrast to the grieving depressed lily we've seen thus far. I'm happy that she's coping and beginning to make forward strides. There interactions with each other seem very fresh -- though I was half expecting James to wake up and realize that it was all a dream. lol.

I loved being able to see Lily and her friends as well as her freindship with Remus. We know from canon that they are close to one another, and it was nice to see that here. Remus' story about his friend being attacked by a monster broke my heart. It was so moving.

Ahh! I know you said it's coming up but I'm very curious to see why Belletrix is at Hogwarts. Oh, as an aside, I do sometimes find myself confusing Lily's friend Belle with Belletrix -- it's not a huge deal, but something to think about when naming OCs in the future, perhaps.

The transfer student from Durmstrang made me laugh. I'm not even entirely sure why, but I kept giggling the whole time I was reading his conversation with lily. I think you did a good job with the party scene -- I know they're difficult to write!! I had to do one for new year's chaper in WAT, and ugh. Too many people doing too many things, so kudos to you!! I love that lily is jealous and love how funny James finds drunk lily to be. I'm sure he'll have plenty of blackmail info in the future!!

This is a great chapter, and like I said earlier, feel free to let me know if there's a particular scene or whatever that you'd like a mit more critique for!! Looking forward to having a chance to read the next chapter!

Melissa

Author's Response: Oh my gosh the Lily James scene with the towel then suffocating blanket. I don't even know how to describe how much fun that was to write! I feel like Lily's always either so sweet and perfect, or a flat out rude brat to James.. I wanted to give her a lot of grey areas. She was attracted to him, she's only seventeen and spent too long being best friends with Snape that the tension wouldn't have been their in this situation. She's experienced with many things in life. With prejudice because of her blood, stress because of her need to always be on top to prove her blood worth even if it's just to herself, anger and devastation when Severus said those words to her, and now the absolute loss of her parents.

But, as far as experience in certain areas go, they are both still so young and fresh. I love these two ♥

I am so happy you liked this chapter, you have no idea what your reviews have meant to me! I hope everything just continues to improve/heighten from here on out, writing and interest wise!

Thank you again Mel ♥


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Review #67, by WitnesstoitAllA Gilded Hell: Constructed Heaven

18th July 2012:
Oooh. Lily. Such a wonderful one shot. Everything about Umbridge/Dollie's life was so pristene and in place and very stark, I think. There was a lovely disonance between the name Dollie and the life she lives. I know this is a short review, but our electricity just went out and my battery has very little life left, so all in all, this was a wonderfully constructed portrait of the woman who becomes the Umbridge from canon.

xoxo

Author's Response: bahhh well, thank you for reviewing even when your battery is dying :P i'm glad you liked this--there's obvious concern because umbridge is drawn so--um--specifically and certainly in canon, and i didn't want to make a joke of that, nor fully adhere to it.

i didn't want to give her an excuse--i wanted to make it quite clear she was doing everything on purpose, and just had skewed ideas of what was bad and what was acceptable behavior.

anyway, thanks again, i appreciate you taking time to let me know what you thought :D ♥


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Review #68, by WitnesstoitAllMy Darling: Mine

18th July 2012:
Oh my goodness, Sarah!

What a perfectly sweet and lovely story. The relationship between Hesper and Florean is so romantic...

See what I did there?? ;)

Now seriously, this is a delightfully creepy, beautifully written look into an absolutely repugnant character. The way he gazes through those yellow blinds, the way he associated his ice cream with himself... his odd sense of self entitlement... it's all so wretched, but so, so well done.

Him following her, and the vision he has, of another girls face... left me with the creepy crawly chills. and the second to last paragraph... omg. crey. So now it's storming and I'm home alone with this one shot, so I'm going to call this review quits. I hope you got a laugh out of the opening of this review, and know that I really do admire you ability to write so many different things. This was a fantastic one shot.

Well done!

Author's Response: SNORT SNORT SNORT.

♥ omg I love you, woman. Also pretty sure I almost had an aneurysm but that was resolved quickly. XD

Dude, Florean in this fic makes me so squicky, I just. Ew. When Marina posted this challenge about dark/horror, I think a lot of people's minds went to Voldemort, to Death Eaters, to Dark creatures and the like. But what frightens me the most are the /real/ beasts, the nightmares like Florean who are hiding behind a smile and a bowl of ice cream, always watching. -shudder-

LOL STORMING AND ALONE. PERFECT CHOICE FOR READING, MEL. ♥

Eternal loff~


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Review #69, by WitnesstoitAllA Session With Nova Spacelove: Custard Yellow

18th July 2012:
Hello!!

Omg. This is haliarious. I adore Nova, such a funny fraud, and MOLLY... somehow the idea of her popping around from fake seer to fake seer has me in stitches. The fact that feeding into her false visions and dramatics for entertainment and an excuse to get out of the house is so fun. I can't imagine her household but, ugh. I'm sure I'd need to get out too. Annd Emily... Guess she never does get to use that name. :P I think one of my favorite things about this was how completely random and disconnected your descriptions were. It gave it all a very whimsical silly sort of feel.

And poor, poor Nova. Her only correct prediction can't even be when a client is present.

Great one shot!!

Author's Response: MEL. WHAT UP.

Okay, ngl, if there were such thing as Seers, I would totally go door to door trying to corner them with their words. Do you by chance remember Miss Cleo on t.v.? I WANTED TO CALL HER UP SO BAD and just tell her all sorts of lies and listen to her scramble to tell me what she thought I would want to hear. Maybe there's something wrong with me and how I get my kicks, but I think it leaked a little into this story. :D

THANK YOU FOR BEING AWESOME. ♥


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Review #70, by WitnesstoitAllRun: Tradition

18th July 2012:
Sarah!!

This was such a entertaining and fun chapter, and I'm so, so glad!! What an awkward little band the four boys made up... roving over the town making mischief. I adore you regulus... he's such a trickster, if (which he better -___-) Fred survives the races, I could see them becoming good friends. I adored when Regulus was taunting snape, and I'm curious as to what did happen to Eileen -- perhaps she died in the races? Or went to the Grotta.. Annnd DUMBLEDORE AND GELLERT. Gosh I hope the boys crashed some late-night date, I think it'd be lovely for them to have the relationship in death that they were never able to sustain in life due to personal differences. The vision of Gellert twirling around like a saucer is hilarious. And Cedric's so salty here! Loved it. What a bent out of shape little puff he is. I was nervous as Regulus climbed the wall to the grotta because, they are mortal there and can die!! And then that man that appears. I need to know who that is, just so you know. :P

I hope you have a very happy birthday!
xoxo
Melissa

Author's Response: HEY, ALMOST-TWIN. ♥ I always start out reviews/review responses with caps lock. I am eternally shouting at people.

Baww Regulus. I love, love, love Sirius and struggle with the idea of letting him grow up, so having Regulus there to fill the void softens that for me. So now I get to make Sirius evolve while Regulus gallivants around, wreaking havoc. Eileen! Tis a mystery~ In this story, Dumbles and Gellert totes live together. Dumbledore deserves a turn at old people romance, I think. Lool, Mel, every time I read your comment about Cedric I laugh. Salty and a 'bent out of shape little puff'. I am imagining Rachel's wounded pride here. SORRY RACHEL. Poor Ced, in a bad mood because he lost the tournament. Vincent is r00d.

That man is Barty. :3

Baww, thank you. ♥


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Review #71, by WitnesstoitAllHow to Draw Almost Anything: How to Find Employment

17th July 2012:
Julia.

This is going to be such a great story, not only because how much it means to you, but more than that, it already is fabulous! This scorpius, omg. I just want to know him, sit down, have some coffee (or tea). He seems so real and down to earth and very passionate... the sort of person that you can really talk about the big questions with. I love the image you've painted for him and cannot wait to see what you have in store for him, his students and the readers.

gah. Loved this, and am excited for the next chapter. (H) Rave on, my friend.

Author's Response: MOL.

eee, thank you! feel free to have tea with my scorpius, he's free from around 4 each day after teaching ;D awwh, thank you for saying so, I am enjoying writing him for those reasons, and I'm looking forward to developing his character more as he goes through the trials and tribulations this story throws at him...

thank you so much! rave on, puffin... ♥


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Review #72, by WitnesstoitAllBreak Out: III.

17th July 2012:
RACHEL

CREY. FEELS. ALL OF THEM. ERMEHGERD. There isn't going to be anything remotely sensical about this review because this chapter was so good that my head is buzzing and my fingers are heavy and words are just so, so hard to string together. Now, a request... can you just write this story forever?? You really have a gift becase everything you write you bring to life... nothing is only words on a page, but rather a living breathing feeling story. and oh the feels this one feels. The depth of emotion is so achingly raw and reading, I felt just as helpless as Ron did. Just as frustrated as Kingsley and just a desperate as Arthur. That is something amazing to be able to do Rachel and for that I'm insanely jealous. The words in this story string together so easily and naturally, it's hard to imagine that at a time this story didn't exist.

CHARLIE. HERMIONE. I love ronmione so, so much. They are my otp and it is so painful to see so much pain and strife in their lives so soon after they shared their feelings with one antother (b/c their canon first kiss was like, what? 12 hours ago? Not even?) You have done such a remarkable job bringing all the canon characteristics of ron to life... he's moody and tempermental and passionate and loyal in all the best ways possible. Nothing about him feels like merely a charicature of a trait which I find a lot in FF-Ron characterizations. (not that I doubted for a second that yours wouldn't be brilliant). Annd Percy. Poor percy. sitting there on the sinkboard not knowing where he fits into it all. In canon, he was able to aclimate back into the family as they all healed together, but here in this world, he doesn't have that luxury. He's back carrying the weight of the sins of his past watching his family continue to suffer. And finally,Arthur... I love that man to pieces, and I may be odd for this, but I love when authors portray his hurt over the losses of war saddled together with his strenght. He is a brilliant man, always giving ot his family and to what is right. Molly is one lucky woman, me thinks. Oh, I lied. Not finally. Bill -- I find his quiet sort of suffering to be particularly moving. Charlie is his best friend, the best man in his wedding, and here he resigning himself to practicality for the sake of all of their lives. His quiet suffereing sits wonderfully in contrast to the fiery suffereing of Ron and Arthur.

gah. I'm going to run out of characters. that's never happened to me before... but last topic, me thinks. Harry. I find it absolutely stunning in the most brilliant way that nobody is lingering on his death. He's dead... so they must keep fighting. I think that goes back to speak to something Harry said when he chose to go on... that they'd continue fighting. He knew these amazing men and woment that he left the fate of the world to and he believes in them. Harry was the chosen one, but he chose them. He chose Arthur and Bill and Ron and Hermione... and now it is their turn, and that to me is a huge gift -- the belief that they can do it, that they can come out on top.

Okay. seriously almost out of characters, so incase this rambly all over the place review didn't state this clearly enough, I am in love with this fic. Your writing here is really something special -- it's gorgeous and gritty and moving. You're doing phenominally well with this -- keep it up.

All my love,
Melissa

Author's Response: THIS REVIEW. HOW CAN I EVEN FORM WORDS. ♥ I'll start by saying that several of the things you pointed out or mentioned in this chapter sparked inspiration, and you've really made me feel loads better about chapter 5, you brilliant person you. :)

I think this story might be a bit longer than previously anticipated, but the unknown is very scary -- I rarely write anything without planning it thoroughly first. :D I am so, so glad you had such amazing things to say about these characters, though, and especially about the Weasleys, because I know you write a LOT of them in WAT. Especially Arthur -- he's someone I don't write a lot, and sometimes I was just writing a bit blind, or for plot purposes, characterization aside. Just... gahhh. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME.

That whole paragraph about Harry. I can't even. It's like you got /exactly/ what I was trying to get across and articulated it in a way that I couldn't, and if anyone ever gets confused I will direct them to that paragraph. Trufax.

Thank you so, so, so much for reading this story -- I honestly can't tell you what it means to me. ♥ And I'm so happy you're enjoying it, too! I can't wait to hear your opinions on chapter 4! :3


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Review #73, by WitnesstoitAllBefore They Fall: Head Boy and Girl

16th July 2012:
Annd here I am again because I am really enjoying this story. :)

I know loads of people tend to balk at the concept of shared head dorms, saying that it's unrealistic and such and such... but I think you are doing a fabulous job of making it work. I think one of the most stand out aspects of this chapter was how magical everything was -- the lion lock on the door, the portraits, it really felt like hogwarts and for that I commend you. I think sometimes FF has a tendency to take JKR's characters and forget the magic.

I actually really thought that the argument between Lily and James was well written and realistic. James walking out was a good move, too I think. It really helped define his character beyond the chivalrous protector. And Lily's confusion is brilliant, too. I found myself easily relating to her throughout this chapter.

I also liked the bit of comoraderie and fun that you subtlely brought to this chapter... little things like moony being the rational one, sirius and Frank's banter (and omggg. FRANK. He's hilarious. I laughed so, so hard when he called out the old DADA teacher) it really brought a breath of vitality to the chapter in the serious backdrop supporting this story.

I didn't spot anything that leapt out at me in this chapter, so well done!! I am anxious to read the next chapter and hope to do so soon. :)

Melissa

Author's Response: Shared dorms. Man was that a hard one. But, like I've said, this story takes many twists and that shared dorms is very important to one of them. Along with having to say your first and last name, as well as the lion lock. Keep those in mind ;).

I plan on never letting them become a 'love den' so hopefully that will help. This cliche is just one I loved too much to step away from. I am so happy you felt that bit of magic from this, I hate when it's randomly used at the author's convenience (like to take some magic pregnancy tests) but never talked about other times. Along with class work. We are in Hogwarts, there will be classes. I know some people just want the drama and such, but again, we're in Hogwarts! haha!

I hope Lily remains easy to relate to. Her moods are a bit shifty for a while (she just lost basically her entire family, she's allowed to be a bit of a wreck, right?) but I do see her now as being very scared of a relationship. How much more can she risk losing?

Frank! Ahh! I LOVE Frank. I hate SO annoyed at him just being a nerd. Neville was a bit awkward, he was raised by his grandma who is a bit critical -- he's going to be awkward. Why would Frank be the same? I really see him as a bit uncensored and sure of himself. He quickly became an amazing Auror, I think to reach that status you'd have to be sure of yourself. I write a lot more about Alice and him than I originally planned to.

Keep an eye on that new DADA teacher too, will you? ;)!


When I saw that you left another review I 'eked'. I was SO excited!

Okay, the next chapter is very, very long. I'm sorry :(. It's really one of the best though (besides the 5th, I'm going to be totally honest and sound a but horrible when I say this, but the 5th chapter freaking rocks). haha.

I've thought about splitting the 4th into two, but I just couldn't. And the reviews I've gotten since editing it and changing it all agree that it really is strongest as a whole.

You will love the detail of the beginning I think, I made up a very interesting potion that I think you'll like reading about :).

I've also been told the 4th reads very quickly, so that has to be good! Seriously though, please don't run and hide form the length!

Okay, I'm off to WAT and Luna..

Thank you so much for your amazing, wonderful, encouraging reviews! *hug*


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Review #74, by WitnesstoitAllBefore They Fall: Hogwarts Express

16th July 2012:
Okay. First off, let me apologize for how long it took me to get around to this review. RL decided to have a mini explosion right after I had signed up to read this!

But all that aside, here I am at last. :)

My initial impression of this chapter was that it was a very good delineation of both Lily's depression and James' inherent masculine need to comfort and protect -- it was very enjoyable and very well done. I particularly liked the short passaged in the opening of the chapter. They sort of seemed read like she is slipping in and out of conciousness, in and out of awareness. I think that speaks volumes to the extent of her depression and anxiety and perhaps even a bit of denial on some level.

A car crash! A car crash kill Mr. and Mrs Evens? Wow. That makes me all the more disdainful of Petunia -- to use the very act of violence that killed her parents to lie to poor little Harry. Gah. What a twisted world she weaves.

I love that you've brought a sort of depth to James and Lily's relationship. It wasn't like a lightbulb that, bingo! one day they suddenle lurved each other and went skipping off into the sunset. Rather, you've placed them in a position where they're sharing a very traumatic experience and (I think?) will continue to deal with it and grow in their relationship with one another. I like the touch of maturity that you've brought to James' character, but I am anxious to see him in a lighter atmosphere with his friends. Even in all the seriousness of the world at hand, I'm sure he knows (or is in the process of learning) that there is a time and a place for seriousness and gaiety.

I was particularly struck by Violet's character -- she brought a very real sense of teenager-ness to the very dense, serious tone of this chapter. I think she served an important role to remind the reader that these characters are more or less children.

Finally, I have two exceptionally minor critiques for you, but they're ones that I think may improve the quality of this already wonderful chapter. The first is the use of the word 'lit' infront of laughter. I don't think that this is the proper use of that word. Perhaps you mean 'lilt' -- sort of like the slide pitch or melody of the laughter?? The second critique is a more general one. I understand that Lily is in a bad place (you've done an excellent job of painting that picture to us) but your use of the word 'shatter' is very repetitive. Her heart shatters, her soul shatters... I know that repetition can be an important stylistic tool, but if repetition was your intention it's a little unclear and reads sort of like word over-use. I find the best way to fix this while writing is before I use a word that seems to pop into my head super easily, I do a ctr + f and see how many other times and in what context I've used the word already.

All in all, I think that this was a fabulous chapter! Great job!!
-melissa

Author's Response: I hate the light bulb. Almost as much as I hate Lily being portrayed as a brat and James as an overly jerk then the two falling in love.

Okay - during my entire writing of this chapter all I could hear was Hagrid's voice saying - A car crash kill Lily and James Potter? I'm so happy to see some people picking up on that twisted Irony. You will learn the story (my version, at least) of the Evans sisters falling out, and probably dislike Petunia even more. But first love her because you'll see her through Lily's eyes for a bit.

Okay, anyway. When I worked on this chapter I also worked on the character sketches for the Evans because they come back rather often. I have Adrianna Evans (Lily's mother) being half Irish. Her father is from Ireland and lived there with his wife, who was from England, until Lily was three. So -- anyway, I must have been feeling a bit Irish when I wrote 'lit of laughter' because it is a very Irish expression. I definitely need to change it ;). Thank you for pointing it out!

No, I absolutely did not mean to portray repetition with that. Like you said, it's just one I'm partial to and I didn't even notice my over use. I think it's time to spruce this one up. Would you be okay with it if I PM'd you the new version when it's finished? Feel free to say no!

I love showing the four boys in a fun light, Peter's even becoming enjoyable to write. Which shocked even me. I'm excited for you to see Hogwarts open up, and though Lily has a long road ahead of her, she is very lucky to have such loving people to walk beside her during it.

Okay. I'm done rambling. Every time I get a review from you I seriously go into fan girl over amazing writer reviewing my story mode.

Thank you so much, this chapters is one of me weakest, it needs to be revamped. I really hope it didn't turn you off, because I plan on stopping by your review thread as soon as it's cleared ;)!

Jami


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Review #75, by WitnesstoitAllBefore They Fall: Sirius Black

15th July 2012:
Hey!

Finally here for your review (totally blame house cup for my tardiness :P )

I don't read marauder fics too often, and everytime I do I wonder why I don't. I thought that this was a lovely opening chapter. It really painted a lovely environment that James grew up in (and Sirius to some degree). I loved your characterization of Mr and Mrs Potter -- the way that Mr had to mind his language around his wife really made me chuckle because I can imagine a similar dynamic in Lily and James' relationship. I loved the introspection you offer us into Olivia Potter's mind -- especially about Sirius and her son's friendship. So motherly and loving despite her initial hesitation. All in all I felt like it was all very realistic and believable.

The imagery in the first scene was very well executed as well. I loved the lead in to the scene with the houses and moon and why this one house was so different -- very jealous. :P The atmosphere inside the Potter home was equally well done. It all felt very homey and warm.

I did spot one small thing (a word really) that if fixed could really strengthen the scene:

"Her heart ached with concern for that boy who, since /the/ first day of Hogwarts, had been a constant part of their lives." --the is a little vague. I know you mean sirius and james' first year, but 'the' does little to specify this. Perhaps 'his' would work much better and help this sentence to stand on its own.

The second scene was particularly moving. I'm very anxious to see how this all plays out. You've alluded to a very strong friendship between your characters and it should be very moving to see how it grows and changes as the story progresses. I especially love that you broke up the tone of the last scene with a little bit of humor. Sirius' bewitching of the bike -- lololol.

Honestly, jami, this is a great first chapter!! Well done.
xoxo
Melissa

Author's Response: I totally replied to this. It's that submit button that get's me!

I edited your above suggestion with changing the to his, thank you for that! It was one word that went so far as to really pull together that sentence!

Sirius is a trouble maker... maybe that's why I fangirl over him so much (be still my beating heart!) Thank you so much for this wonderful review and I'm so sorry that I'm just now replying to it!

I am so happy you liked the imagery, I really wanted to paint a strong mental image of the house we were stepping into. Homey! That's exactly what I wanted! Yay!! I really fell in love with the Potters and can't wait for the chance to write them again!

Thank you so much lovely for this


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