Another great chapter, Rachel!! I'm going to apologize now for the brevity of my review, but life is crazy and my to do list is eons long, but I wanted to be sure to let you know I read this chapter and enjoyed it immensely!!
Your characterization of Hermione was tops. I loved her relating her own surroundings to the settings of novels she's read before. Very nicely done. Also, it was great to see the cast of characters keeping her company in her imprisonment!! I adore Dean Thomas and am anxious to see him more as the story progresses. I also hope that Oliver gets a grip on himself and stops being so pessimistic (or realistic)... either way, it won't do them any good.
While I'm talking about characters... boy or boy did you do a great job with Bellatrix!!she's a touch character to even think about getting inside her head, but you did phenominally well. Writing a bellatrix and voldemort scene was quite the bold move!! You pulled it off spectacularly well.
Great chapter (I've still no theories on the blood droplets) and I can't wait for the next one!!Author's Response: Mel! ♥ Oh my gosh, it's so, so fantastic to see you back here again. :) And no need for apologies, of course -- I completely understand the burdens of a long to-do list. I'm just really pleased you're still reading (and enjoying) this story at all!
Hermione's a sometimes tricky character for me to write, although I'm not sure why, because I find Harry and Ron pretty easy -- maybe it's because I identify a lot with her. Who knows? But regardless, it makes me really happy to hear you think I've got her accurately. :) And Bellatrix!! I was SO scared of writing her here -- thank you so much. You're so tops. ♥
No theories is an okay thing to have. :3 All will be revealed in due time, after all! Thank you to the moon and back for this review, Mel. Honestly... I really can't tell you. And I can't wait to see you back for the next update! Report Review
Oh my god, Sarah. This -- how could you stop there!??!! Oh my lord. wow. This is going to be a terribly short review, I'm afraid b/c my to-do-list is about eighty miles long, but I couldn't help from popping in here to read this update. It was so touching to see Colin's inner thoughts after seeing Fred's in the last chapter. How cruel of you to make them the last two contenders... the youngest of JKR's casulties from the battle of hogwarts. And you cruel cruel author... forcing them back into the the very battle that killed them originally. You slay me. I don't know if I can handle reading the next chapter. You can just lie to me and tell me that they both live. It's okay.
Annnd the winner gets to see what would have happened had they lived?!!? did I read that right?? that's almost as bad as having died not knowing... being dead and knowing what could have been.
Ah. these races are shadey and I don't trust them one bit and I'm on tenters and hooks to see what happens and I love colin and I love Fred and ermehgerd. too many feelz.
also just as an aside, I really love this passage and I can't even describe all the feels I felt when I read it: "And Fred… Remus knew Fred. He knew and loved his whole family. He’d had Fred as a student, as well – and the young man was so bright, so vibrant that for the world to lose him would surely make the sun burn just a bit dimmer. Fred changed each and every life he touched, leaving smiles and laughter in his wake everywhere he went. He had no idea how precious his existence was, how his energy and brilliance made those surrounding him shine, as well. A walking light."
love this story and can't wait to see what is going to happen. I certainly hope you have a trick or two up your sleeve so my heart doesn't explode when colin or fred is snuffed out.Author's Response: HELLO MEL, SEVERAL MONTHS LATER ~
I know I must be cruel because I never even considered two other people going head to head in the final round. My mind sought out two of the youngest characters, both lovable for different reasons, and I never went back on that. It could never have been someone obviously bad versus someone obviously good. If I didn't tear my readership and have them second-guess who they wanted to win, then I wasn't doing it right. In retrospect, it's amazing to believe that no one guessed this pairing from the get-go. I had you all thinking it would be Tonks and Lily. :3
The races are totes shady. Someone needs to haul Cliodna over to the Grotta or something, srsly.
Trick or two up my sleeve? You know me too well. :3
♥ I LOVE YOU MELISSA. Report Review
Oh my goodness, Sarah. I really think you've outdone yourself with this chapter. I don't know why, but this was one of my favorites to date... it was so moving to see the glimpses of each of these one time duel contestants; the feeling of their humanity was so, so tangible that I nearly drowned in feels reading this. I think my favorite thing about this story is how normal the afterlife is, while being sort of fanciful. Like, people don't waft around angsting over being dead... there's a distinct vitality in the village. People live very much as they did in life, and that to me is what sets this story apart from all other stories that are out there about the afterlife. And, even though there is this strong vital pulse running beneath the culture and demographic of the village of the dead, there is an ever present glass wall that separates the residents from live-life that they smack into ocassionally, or rather the reader smacks into it and suddenly remembers that all of these characters are actually dead and not alive and will never grow old or fat; never explore the world.
^This is what I took away from this chapter as a whole. It was so incredibly lovely. As always, I adored your Tonks/Remus. They are just so natural -- none of the pretense and angsty nonsense that I often find when reading about them. I adore their little family with Pepper (and love that he's an extinct breed!! very clever). The way tonks knew that remus would be down the stairs shortly, not being able to sleep alone; the way he was a little gruff before his morning tea. Gah. They, in my opinion, represent the ever present life that exists in the village of the dead. The fact that life goes on and is good.
And then in contrast, we read about Crabbe and Cedric, and while they're handled very differently here, I feel that they both represent that glass wall I mentioned, as reminders that they are all truly dead and not alive. It was glorious to see a bit of humanity in Crabbe... the fact that he was crying and just wanted to go home... was such a lovely redemption for his character. It was a bold statement that even though he's not really a 'good' person, he's still a person with ripe humanity running through his veins. And then there's Cedric. Omg. I am so, so feely after that scene. I love how determined he is to live his life and stay busy and do the things he didn't get to do... what a plucky little puff. But seeing him in this quiet moment, pondering over lost oppurtunities and love and what not was so poignant. One of these days I swear I'm going to write a Cho/cedric story. I really feel like they are such an interesting pair that often gets a bad wrap or over looked in canon b/c of cedric's death and cho's greiving process. gah. anyway, I digress. I just, everything about that scene was gorgeous. I especially loved the bit about Cedric telling stories that had been passed down the diggory line b/c he would never continue that line and be able to pass the stories down. I just, Cedric would have been a great dad and yet again your story has managed to make me passionately made at Voldemort for destroying so many lives. I almost thought for a minute that you were going to have Cho die and turn up there and was like... canon-cobb-squint... but then when Cedric's parents came walking down the street it was so sad/poignant and I just want to know what happened. There is something inherently sad that their son is the one welcoming them into the afterlife, but beautiful at the same time since they can all be together at last.
And as I'm running out of characters, I want to quickly say that I enjoyed the Rowena (love that she's ever intrigued by fixer-upper men... what a fixing fairy she fancies herself to be) and Severus got to chat. It was a lovely indicator of the progress that he is making after his conversation with Lily and James several chapters ago. I am so happy for him; he has finally turned down the road of redemption and is (I think) letting go of the very heavy chip he's been carrying around on his shoulder.
Sarah. this story is amaz-sauce. I just, I cannot even do it justice and hope you know how talented you are and how much I admire your abilities as a writer and how much I value your friendship. As always, this chapter was fabulo-moose and I can't wait until the next one.
lots and lots and lots of loveee,
MelAuthor's Response: MEL, NGL I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND TO THIS. ♥ ♥ ♥ I'm probably going to go on many tangents now because that's all I know how to do.
I love what you said about people not wafting around angsting over being dead. That, I think, would get so repetitive, and who really wants to live like that? They're all existing in various stages of adjustment. Some of them, like Vesper Lovegood, have accepted it completely. Some of them, like Salazar, are such a fixture in the village that it's like they've always been there. The newer you are, the more messed up you're likely to be, but if you value your sanity then you're going to shape up and move on as quickly as you can bear.
Tonks and Remus here served to portray normalcy in a world where everyone is dead, and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that you picked up on that, that you appreciated it and knew what I was going for. There is so much emotional turmoil going on just a few streets away, with various other residents, but in the Lupin house, for now, there is peace. They knew each other so well, are so used to each other, that peace comes naturally to them just by being together, and from that peace comes strength. There is a good chance I am making no sense.
Having Cho die, omg. That would be so cruel of me. And since I don't go into detail about Cedric's parents, you're free to imagine what happened to them. Isn't it annoying when I leave things open to interpretation? CHALK IT UP TO LAZINESS~
Rowena the fixing fairy, lololol forever, picturing her with wings now, buzzing over people's heads.
Mel, you are amazing. Every time I read the end of this review (as of course I've reread it multiple times) I just melt into a puddle of feels. ♥ I'm so lucky to be able to call you my friend. Report Review
Okayyy, Rachel. Let's be honest... you are certifiably brilliant. This chapter was everything I could have hoped for it to be -- loose ends that hadn't yet been mentioned got their spotlight: Ron's feelings about Harry, Ginny's feelings about Harry, some tangible planning, the fallout of it all. You did all these things so, so well. I found myself wanting to just pluck Ron up and out of the story and tell him that it will be okay, only I can't because I don't know that it will... and that is one of the amazing things about this story. You literally have the free reign to do anything with it that you want. It's not like reading some post-hogwarts where even if things look unlikely, you know that draco ends up with astoria... or that Percy names his daughter Molly... or you get much drift. The field is wide open and you can literally take any twist or turn that you want to.
I think you handled Ron's grief brilliantly. Ginny's, too. I found their conversation to be very touching... the entire time I was reading it I was sort of comparing it to a scene in WAT several chapters ago when Ginny and George discuss Fred's death. Ginny is such an elusive character to me, but I think you did an admirable job with her here. I was a bit sad that she seemed to forget that Ron loved (platonically, of course) harry just as much as she did.
Ah! Malfoy!!! I totally am on Ron's side on this all, though I know logically that he is an important tool to possess right now. He's just so slimey and untrustworthy. I hope he comes into his own and proves himself and doesn't actually betray the order. :(
This is such a brilliant story! I'll anxiously be awaiting chapter 6. Give me a shove when it's posted, k?
LOVE youuu.Author's Response: MELLL. Firstly, I could only get on Skype for a brief period yesterday, and it didn't intersect your Skype time, and I am sad. We'll have to coordinate a better meet-up in the very near future!
I think one of the most nerve-wracking things about this whole story is tying up all the loose ends that need to be done, because there are SO MANY -- so hearing you say that is really, really encouraging. ♥ I have a sort of perpetual ache in my heart when writing this story, just because I feel like I'm inflicting damage on my good friends (characters can be friends!), but this story's fun to write at the same time. INNER TURMOIL ~ That's one of the best parts, though, the free rein -- I really do love how lenient I can be with certain things. My canon-wired brain doesn't, but it's a good flexibility exercise. :3
Ginny is, as you probably know, definitely not one of my favorite characters, but I really didn't mind writing her here. I think I like her better when Harry's not around, because I REALLY don't think she's the right person for Harry. Here, it's different in a good way. I'm glad you thought the grief bit was handled well; that's something I'm writing kind of blindly, and any encouragement at all is so welcomed. :) Also, Malfoy is wayyy more fun to write than I expected. I like making him a bit of a snot! He really isn't written like that a lot in fic. Annoying.
Bawww, you are just the best. ♥ Thank you so much for reviewing this chapter for me!! And for everything you do, really, because you're fabulous. :) Chapter 6 will be up in roughly a week or so, and I most definitely will give you a nudge!! Report Review
I really intended on waiting until I got a few things accomplished before I logged on to read this, but then I clicked on it, and saw Fred and George in the first two sentences, and couldn't look back. I, omg. all the feels I am feeling, I swear that there's not room for them in my chest.
You did such a brilliant job of delineating Fred's character here, he is everything I imagined him to be and so, so much more and he's such a /good/ person. Rooting for colin. While it would be sad for colin's life to end, I can't root against fred, especially with how selfless he is going into this. gah. what a gem. No wonder Hollis loved him. ( :P )
I thought your explaination of why Fred didn't miss George was the most gorgeous thing ever. It made such perfect sense that I can't believe I hadn't seen it like that all along, if that makes any sense. gahhh. I still maintain that Fred's death was so cruel on JKR's part, but if he hadn't died, he couldn't have been such an integral part of this stor, and because of that, I think I'm okay with it all.
You're so talented, I'm green with envy. This is one of my favorite stories of all time. I can't wait to see what happens next.
MelAuthor's Response: YO, MEL! ♥ Your opening line reminds me of when your space bar got stuck, by the way. XD
Squee forever that you liked Fred and George's little talk! You are the ultimate authority on George, so I'm quite pleased you liked his cameo here (albeit a dream cameo). Baww Fred. :( AND HOLLIS. ♥ My heart. If only Hollis knew what Fred was up to these days.
Fred's feelings about George is something I've been unconsciously using as my headcanon throughout this story, but never really stopped to illustrate to the readers. So when I got reviews wanting to know why Fred was indifferent about it, I figured it was time for me to stop being so vague and give Fred his little internal monologue. And I totally, totally agree that JKR is still not off the hook for killing him, but I don't think I would love him half as much if he hadn't died tragically. Without it, he wouldn't be in this story, and I wouldn't have written Frollis, and I doubt you would have written With All Things. ~rolls around in feels~
ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE STORIES OF ALL TIME, MEL, GAH, STOP IT. ♥ You are the best. ♥
This was such a brilliant chapter. It was so creative, and I know I rave about your imagination all the time, but this chapter really takes the cake, or the cheese or whatever it is that was taken. Everything about the funhouse was magical -- and the description, it was like candy for the eyes. The bit about the Little Dipper pouring night over the building, omg. I think I read that four or five times before I was able to move forward. it was just so gorgeous. Also, the molten gold coming out of the candelabra, gorgeous. I could go on, but I'd end up requoting the entire thing.
I couldn't help but wondering the entire time I was reading this whose memory it was -- perhaps the little boy with the purple balloon? or the small girl with the asphodel on her hat brim? gah. I want to know, b/c I want to know the people who went there for fun, b/c it sounds terrifying. lol. I'm such a baby with scary things and fun houses are defo scary.
AHH. I cannot believe how attached I am to all these characters (oky, that's a lie, b/c I can easily believe it). Watching them, I had goosebumps and adrenaline and was like GO GO GO but at the same time was like NO NO NOOO. b/c if they lost in this round, they'd live and not face being snuffed out.
FRED AND THE MIRRORS OF HIS FAMILY'S DEATHS. OMG. CREY. Seeing possible ends to them all was so moving, and it made me wonder what sort of trouble was about in their futur that so many awful things happened, a trio breaking into Percy and Audry's place with little Molly. Victoire, Dom, and Louis being tortured, Ginny and the Dementor. And then Arthur and his car... George and his experiments. Ahhh. I found it particularly moving that Fred had no idea who Audrey was or why Angelina made it into one of the mirrors. :( Also, major hugs for you for including angelina (H).
And the end. I love how much you've utilized Tonks' abilitities to change her identity in this story... it really made it seem like an asset rather than just an accessory. And I'm so, so happy she stole Crabbe's wand to help out colin. EXCEPT NOW IT'S FRED AND COLIN AND OMG. IF YOU DON'T FIND A WAY TO OUT SMART CLIODNA AND LET THEM BOTH WIN I WILL DIE. DED.
I told you I'd try to leave a review without saying ded, but clearly I failed. lol. this story is so rivoting and I'm so involved in it... it's more like i'm in the scenes witnessing them as the happen than sitting in my room reading them, and that is a real gift, sarah. Thank you for sharing.
Oh, one last thing... COLIN HAD NEVER APPARATED BEFORE. He's so young, jkr, why. he's a baby.
-fin-Author's Response: MEL. ♥
The cake or the cheese or whatever it was that was taken - that makes me laugh every time I read it. XD It is so, so gratifying to have an author whose own writing I admire so much squee about my stuff. One of my favorite things about writing is imagery, which was one of the reasons why I decided on a fun-house setting. There was so much I could shove in there that didn't necessarily have to make sense, and I could have ample opportunity to write about shiny things. XD
Yarr, Cassandra Vablatsky donated the memory. Just chillin' on her pouf, doing some palmistry like a champ. P.S. I'm pretty sure this fun-house would terrify me. The only thing I might like is the levitating room because it would be fun to just float around, but like, everything else would give me nightmares.
I honestly have no idea where I was going with the dark futures for Fred's relatives. If the fun-house was somehow accurate and not just messing with his head, then that probably means bad things ahead. The fact that we know Audrey and Angelina are Weasleys in the future, and Fred does not, is somewhat telling. But then again, with the book in the depot listing everyone who is yet to come to Cliodna's Clock, then perhaps Cliodna had something to do with it...
*mysterious voodoo fingers*
Have you ever seen X-Men? Because I've always likened Tonks to Mystique, and while Mystique made the most of her unusual talents, Tonks mostly just used hers to have pink hair. -__- So I love being able to actually have her use those talents here.
Telling me that you feel like you're in the story rather than just reading it is the most wonderful thing in the world to hear. I have no idea where I would be without your amazing support. ♥ I am now consumed with feels.
D: Colin is so wee.
THANK YOU FOR BEING SO SPLENDID. Someday when we're all famous, we can race each other in our flying cars and then buy some shoes and bake cupcakes and the Spice Girls will sing the background track to the documentary made about us and our fabulousness.
Hey hey!! Happy Birthday to youuu!
I loved this chapter (I know I say this about all of them, but it's truee!) As I said in the James-chapter, I adore your characterization to Minerva to pieces. I cannot imagine being in that role. Of course she's a disciplinarian and an educator, but at her heart, she's a mother. these children are the ones she never had, and to have to recruit them, endanger their lives ughh. That's so moving and I think you do a brilliant job of capturing that emotion.
I also really enjoyed your characterization of lily in this chapter... she's very eager to please and proper and humble and demure -- it is such a treat to see that after all the rage!fiery!sassy!ginger-lily characterizations that are out there. I think people tend to forget that she's HARRY POTTER'S MOTHER. She gave up her youth for a idealistic cause, she gave up her life for her son... I have a very hard time connecting these canon facts to the common characterization of her. Your lily, though... omg. she /is/ that canon lily.
All in all, this was a brilliant chapter! I hope you have a good birthday!Author's Response: Hey, hey, thank you. :)
Haha, you can totally love all of them, that is okay. I'm glad you love Minerva. It was definitely not my intention to write all of the Marauders from her POV but it worked in my favor to really push across that feeling that she's sort of sending them off to their deaths, you know? Like they are her responsibility and yes, she's giving them the opportunity to say no, but deep down, she knows that they won't.
I definitely feel that Minerva is motherly, despite being an educator. It makes me sad.
Ah, I love Lily. I don't think she's a hot-head like some people believe. Maybe a little bit, but I definitely think she's humble. I love that you remember that she gave up her youth for that and you're feeling a connection with her character and canon Lily. I love youu. :)
Thank you so much. You're awesome. Report Review
I adore ronmione and so of course I couldn't pass up this little one-shot! This was such a lovely (and amusing) moment in Ron and Hermione's eventual relationship. What's more is that I think it's the sort of moment that everyone can relate to in some way. (Everyone gets caught staring at one time or another, right?? :P ). I thought you did a great job capturing Hermione's voice, and definitely had a good giggle over the Hermione's conflicting voices brain, heart and hormones.
Gah. Love me some good ronmione fluff!! And this most definitely qualifies as that.
Thanks for sharing!
MelissaAuthor's Response: Totally agree - who hasn't been busted while staring open-mouthed at a hot guy or girl? The line with her brain, heart, and hormones is the main reason I wanted to post this, even though it's so short. It made me cackle while writing it XD Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm really glad you liked it :D Report Review
I saw your status and was like, SIRIUS ONE SHOT VALIDATED!! and of course had to scamper over here to read it, and boy am I glad that I did. This was a very moving one shot, and I almost wish it was longer than it is (for selfish fangirl reasons). But I think that a lot of the emotional impact of this piece comes from its brevity. It's just a glimpse of the painful story we already know, and reading Sirius' version of that pain and that story is so, so moving.
I think you did an excellent job with the description here. I totally felt the cold night that Sirius was flying through. I also think you processed his internal monologue well... the language felt fairly natural for Sirius. I think sometimes people elevate narration of their characters to a point that is no longer accurate for that characters -- but this, this was done very well.
Ahh. Poor Sirius. That whole group, and generation really got such a bad lot of life. I realized writing chapter 13 of WAT today how very few characters remain after the first and second wizarding wars. D: I'm way too much of a baby to play with those characters while still keeping ot canon, so I'm very glad brave souls like you do!!
Great one shot!Author's Response: Bahh thanks for this amazing review, Melissa ♥
As silly as this sounds, part of me didn't register what I'd ultimately do to these character before I started Before They Fall. And then after I did realize it, I was already in way too deep. I swear, if I start thinking about the Marauders and Lily all losing their life to this war, Frank and Alice losing their sanity... I almost always start to tear up. It's just so sad ;(.
Anyway, I am so happy you liked the descriptions and Sirius's internal monologue - that was difficult because I really think he'd either be thinking nothing - everything would just be black and terrified, or he'd be thinking everything, so I tried to just pull little strings of the 'everything' aspect out.
You better be nice with WAT - we both know what a baby I am ;(!!!
Thanks again for this amazing review ♥
Happy Wednesday to Me!!!
This review is likely to be short b/c my mum will be wanting help in the kitchen soon, but I can't walk away from this without reviewing... because that my dea would be a tragedy. This is such a fabulous chapter!! I think this may have been my favorite non-race chapter yet. There are just so many gorgeous things here dealing with both the imagery and description and with the characters and their actions and thought.
I adore your Sirius. He's so delightful... squeezing himself between Remus and Tonks... what a classy fellow. :P Though I do think he's made tremendour progress, and I loved having a chance to see where he's at mentally. I loved his outlook on his 'life' ... though it makes me very sad that any one should have to die with so little to leave behind. That would be a lonely life indeed.
It's very good to see that Lily and Tonks are beginning to get along. :)
And Snape!! This was such a big moment for him, apologizing to Lily/the Potters. I know he has a redemption of sorts in the book, being finally identified as a secret hero, and not a villain, but this was just as equally redeeming, and it was wonderful!! I think you handled it very well from Snapes words to Lily's reaction and James. And oooh! Parasol Park. I love that it's there in their afterlife... and am very suspicious of who buried that photograph.
Great chapter!! Looking forward to next wednesday. You are the cream to my coffee, and please never change!! (black coffee is el grosso. :P )Author's Response: MEL. ♥
Baww Sirius. So immature in some ways, so well-adjusted in others. I like his perspective on life and his friends - he's the farthest from grief, so he can more accurately view everything. I think he's the reason why James is more well-adjusted than Lily - James is around Sirius more than Lily is, so some of Sirius's positive outlook rubs off on him.
Ever since The Prince's Tale, I've been curious about how James, Lily, and Severus would handle a reunion, what they would say and do, and I wanted to give Severus a bit of time to acclimate himself with seeing Lily again, and seeing her with her husband, whom she still loves, before he had a real conversation with her. It's a pretty harsh reality, him realizing he lived his whole life for her and then he comes here and she's still 21 and in love with James Potter, so it took him a while to come around. It's good for Severus, though. He shouldn't be in misery over that woman forever. He deserves his own life.
You are the mocha creamer + sugar + milk to my coffee.
Woo, tomorrow is Wednesday! A race chapter! Report Review
AHHH.HHH.HHH. I don't even know how to form sentences. I'm still spinning, buzzing, reeling from that chapter. It was brilliant and grim and so in your face... you don't mess around sugar coating anything -- you just put the world out there with all its chaos and darkness and complications and corruptions and emotions. It's all so accessible, and for that I commend you tremendously.
I loved your portrayal of Hermione... her internal battle between her emotions and her logic was so realistic and in character for her. Ah! Not many people can really capture hermione and often push her too far into rationality or keep her tumultuous and don't allow her logic to guide her, but this... this was excellent. I think my most-favorite line (there were many favorites) was this one: And it might have worked; but logic had one simple failing that always managed to elude her, and that was that sometimes, the world just simply wasn’t as logical as her brain wanted it to be. it's just so obvious, and for that, completely brilliant.
Your interaction between Hermione and Bellatrix was executed extremely well. I hate her so, so much... and I certainly hope in the course of this story Karma finally comes back on her. (Bellatrix, ofc, not Hermione :P ).
And Draco!! I was very pleasantly surprised to see his bit of this chapter... I love the Malfoy family, their faults and weaknesses that simmer from the inherent need for self preservation... their realization of where preserving themselves has landed them. There is so much story in that. I thought your internal monologue within Draco worked very well... Running may not seem like the bravest of actions, but it was a defining moment... for once, Draco's need to try and preserve himself coincided with a moral decision. Annnd HE FOUND THE INVISIBILITY CLOAK!!??!! ME THINKS THIS /MAY/ BE IMPORTANT IN THE FUTURE. I cannot wait to see what comes next, Rachel and that is the most beautiful things about this story... that this is so much more than /just/ a good story. it is the sort of story that I would sit and read in one sitting and then be left bowled over by the emotional baggage that accompanies each and every scene. This is fabulous, and I hope to goodness you realize that.
I am so, so lucky to consider you amongst my friends. (H) x 5eva.Author's Response: Mel! Oh my gosh, you're such a speedy reviewer. I can't even. ♥ I needed this chapter to be emotionally-charged, and was worried about how it would come off, and then you came by and pretty much annihilated all my worries and are just a lovely person in general. ♥
I'm so relieved you thought Hermione was good, too, because of exactly the reasons you point out. So, so often, people will go to extremes and push Hermione's personality to be one way or another, when in reality she's rather a mix. I haven't had the opportunity to write a lot of Hermione and was rather worried about writing her here. I love that you found that balance in her; that's EXACTLY what I was going for!
Draco is going to play a very key role in this story, I think you'll find. (That is, if it all turns out as I'm seeing in my head -- I still haven't gotten everything all nice and outlined.) I don't really like the Malfoys as characters very much, but writing Draco is surprisingly fun! And yes, the Cloak will come into play. ;)
Seriously -- I cannot ever, ever thank you enough for leaving such wonderful reviews. You are fantastic, and your love for this story makes me love it all the more. And I, too, am immensely lucky to count you as a friend. ♥ Report Review
I saw your status and wanted to pop by to read this quickly before I leave for work, so this review probably won't be terribly long. I adored this chapter!! It was so interesting to see such a fateful night from another wizarding family's perspective... I could not imagine living as all of the wizarding families associated with the order or its members are. It's all very moving -- Arthur's thoughts when he hears of Lily and James' death, that they had a child really showcased his fatherly instincts. I got the feel that Arthur must have thought of his own family, of his babies when Molly gave the news.
On a lighter note, I think your little portrayal of Haloween was brilliant -- especially all the children's (and Molly's) costumes. I absolutely giggled out loud when I pictured young percy dressed in a beard and eyebrows. And a little charlie dragon!! Too cute. :) Story time with Percy was a precious moment... sort of symbolic of the necessity for life to move forward. Sure, there's a war going on, and witches and wizards are dying... but there are children who need to be enriched... who need to learn to read and to imagine. Very lovely touch. Also, the closing line of the Babbity story lay in such contrast to the immediate atmosphere of this chapter, but was perfect because in a way, it almost prophecies the future: ‘...and the wizards and witches of the kingdom were safe and happy forever after.’ And just now I am reminded of the closing line of the series, of Harry's All is Well and ahh... it just all fits together so wonderfully.
Well done!Author's Response: Hi Melissa! Don't worry, this is a lovely sized review! :P
I think you're right about Arthur, he'd think of his own children when he presumed that Harry had been killed, and that would be awful I think!
I really enjoyed thinking of the costumes! I think little Percy is my favourite, I wish I could draw better than I can or I'd draw a chapter illustration for this one! I think little Percy is a sweetie, so earnest, and I wanted to portray that side of him.
That's the thing about humankind - no matter what happens, what danger they live in, children need to be raised. That's what most people fight for, I think.
I love your point about the closing line of Babbity Rabbity (incidentally, I made it up as I remembered that of course Percy wouldn't have the Hermione Weasley translation/adaptation!) ...it makes me feel clever even though I'm not sure I made a conscious decision about creating a contrast and a prophecy at the same time! Heehee.
Thank you for continuing to read and review, it does mean a lot to me!
Sarah xo Report Review
GOODNESS GRACIOUS. I don't know how, but I managed to miss this update yesterday and crey... I feel so badly because this is so, so good.
I know this entire chapter is about the founders, but I can't help but draw parallels to the triangle between snape and lily and james. Especially with their physical descriptions... The opening scene was gorgeous and a half... the second person works so, so well. and the imagery... gah. can I just sink into the words and live there?
I loved seeing a bit of Salazar and Rowena's lives before death. And I found it particularly telling of their relationship that Rowena didn't want to be seen by Godric while in salazar's arms. I loved when Salazar said that bit about ... by not hurting him, you're hurting me. gahh. I actually feel for the man and wish Rowena would just love him.
Annnd you clever, clever writer, you. You’re all that I need, she had once told him. And don’t ever let me forget it. Those words. You've written them before...and I believe it was when Lily was speaking to James about Severus. And here rowena is speaking to Salazar. gahhh. It's like parallel... but not parallel b/c it's like all in a funhouse mirror. Godric is James in appearance and virtue and Salazar is Snape in appearance and virtue except not actually and it's all distorted. Love is such a strange thing and love triangles the strangest of all. This is beautiful, on so many levels -- your characters, your description, this world is so, so rich and well developed.
Gah. I would read this story if it was solely about the founders... only it's not... it's about so so much more than that... the politics of the races, the contestants, all those living in the village... the grotta. ermehgerd.
This is so brilliant, and you never cease to amaze me with it.Author's Response: MEL. ♥
I love, love, love how you pick up on stuff. I think there's always a level of apprehension in writers that the hints they lay are too vague and will be missed, but you picked up on the parallels, and I'm just very YAY.
Rowena is sort of the representation of women I've seen in just about every love triangle in existence. They have it in their heads that they have to choose between these two people, that they /must/ make a choice, that it's all down between these two people. And it always makes me wonder: shouldn't you find someone with everything you want, instead of those qualities divided between two people? I've never understood that. If you can't make up your mind between them, then you shouldn't be with either one.
Yep, I used those words before. Although I do believe that in Lily's case, she said 'want' instead of 'need'. :3
And here I thought no one would like this chapter because it was founders era! I thought everyone would find it boring since that era isn't very popular on the archive. Ermehgerd, Melissa. I'm so full of feels. You are so awesome, you have no idea, and you've helped shape this story in ways you don't even know, you and Rachel both. You are the maple syrup to my french toast.
♥ Report Review
Hey!! Happy Solstice Ball.
I thought that this was a very cute idea, the merging of the two fairy tales -- that of the three brothers and the deathly hallows and that of the three little pigs. It was interesting to see how you managed to weave them together. I had to giggle the first time voldemort asked to enter antioch's house. I would be interested to see how the three little pigs could stand as a magical story of its own, though... since we know that of the three brothers is a wizarding tale of its own.
There were a few places where the story may benefit from you making a seperate paragraph, particularly when you switch focus from brother to brother -- it would help the piece to read a bit more smoothly.
All that being said, I think that this was an adorable little story, and I very much enjoyed reading it.Author's Response: Hey, happy solstice ball to you to :)
I'm glad you liked the idea, I might try another one where it's just them on there own!
I'll go back and check over the paragraphs, see what I can do.
Glad you liked it and thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
Hey!! Happy pass the parcel review!
I think this was an interesting one shot -- portraying the relationship between James and Lily and their third wheel. I know so many couples like that in real life, that end up more or less babysitting one of their friends. I do think that your characterization of Sirius felt a bit too young for him... I know you wanted him to appear immature and what not, but there is a difference between immaturity and being a child. Everything was still really amusing, though... so it's just something to think about for future writings. Also, I'd suggest using a few more dialogue tags or descriptions than you do here... I love that everything snapped together quickly, but it was a bit confusing as to who was saying what to whom. Also, a few descriptors after the speech will help to fill out the scenery and make this scene more real in setting.
All in all, good little one shot! Keep up the good work.
Ravenclaw 2012Author's Response: I know I'm working on the dialogues. This story is under construction. I'm doing some serious editing. I've been having this confusing people problem but now I'm getting over it bit by bit. :)
Thank you for the lovely review Melissa. I know I babysit the love of my life, Sirius. Too much I guess. I'll get that sorted out :)
*Hugs* Report Review
Another great chapter!!
I loved being able to see the alternative perspective from Bellatrix and the Death Eaters at Malfoy Manor. I feel like you did a realy great job characterizing her, so kudos to you!! She's a really difficult one to work with. I loved the way you sort of focused on Bellatrix's psychosis, her obsession with Voldemort's approval, etc. It was very believable and well written.
I'm very intrigued abou their motives, but am going to go out on a limb to guess that they're after James?
Talk about starting up lots of little plotty things!! Omg. Now I must know whatever it is Sirius was about to tell James. I was so frustrated when Petere interrupted. While I'm on the subject of peter, I think you did a good job with is characterization -- the little tidbit about his parents seperation was a lovely touch.
Ahh. I love the continued use of the name, truth, password combination for the head dorms. I'm interested to see what sort of truths will come out of it. Professions of Jily love, perchance? ;)
This is such an enjoyable read and I'm so glad I found it. Good work!!
MelissaAuthor's Response: Your reviews make me so so happy! You're spoiling me!
Yes, at this point it's okay to know that they are...intrigued by James. Sirius. You are really going to feel sad for Sirius when this comes out :(. I just want to hug him.
Yay pay extra special attention to that password, secret thing ;).
Thank you so much for these amazing reviews! Crossing my fingers chapter 6 is up tonight!
♥ Report Review
Saw your status and figured I'd pop by to look at this. As far as the grammar goes, I'm a little suspicious of your use of semicolons in the opening paragraph. Also, Rose claims that she's been sleeping with her boyfriend for two months (which is typically 8 weeks, maybe 9 weeks) yet she's thirteen weeks pregnant. Unless she's seeing somebody else on the side, you may need to correct something. Other than that this seemed like an interesting enough opening chapter. I'm curious to see what you plan on doing with this story.
Good work.Author's Response: Yay thank you!
I've changed that little discepancy now thank you for pointing it out!
The semi colons are gramatically correct though they may not look too great but I'm sure it's not too bad!
Thank you for the review Report Review
I thought that this was a very interesting experiment in style!! I'm always thrilled when authors take risks and try to do something a little more artsy than straight narrative. I think the bold lines throughout this and the final parenthetical work really well to carry this story... they are the rhythm, the driving pulse underneath the current of the story. I also appreciated the use of italics to emphasize the past and the normal text as the present. Because it is styled the way it is, it may not be totally necessary to introduce a memory explicity as you did here: An old memory hit me in the face, slapped me almost physically. I think that the construction of this story lets readers know that the next passage is a memory... and so I'd trust your readers to pick up on that. :)
I thought you worked through the emotions in this piece really well, also the description. My only other suggestion would be to clean up the formatting some. The large breaks between paragraphs located througout most of this story is a little jarring -- but really, that aside, this was a good little one-shot!
MelissaAuthor's Response: wow, I,m a little blundred xD thank you!! :3 I will try to fix the formating, now that i,ve learned how ;) I used to have that issue all the time ^^
thank you! I'm really, really glad you enjoyed it!^^
-June Report Review
Finally got a chance to read this chapter, and boy am I glad I did. :) This was a fantastic chapter. I loved the shift in perspective here -- it was great to see a bit of the world from Draco's POV. I love seeing various author's interpretations of what happened to the remaining death eaters and supporters of Voldemort following the war. I think that you did a really good job with it. Also, the relationship that you painted between Astoria and Draco felt very real and believable. I loved the way you characterized her in a similar mold to Draco's mother...
Oooh! the plot continues to thicken. All of the backstory on Marcus and his cronies was fabulous. The build up in the Record Keeping room was wonderfully done and when the wand fight broke out, I was practically speed reading to get to the end and see what happened. When the man with the toupee showed up I was shocked. I am very anxious to see who the casulty was. I certainly hope it wasn't Hermione... but it seems a bit early in the story for such a big loss. Ah! I don't know. But I'm very anxious to continue.
There was one small correction that I'd like to point out: "Hermione spend the next two hours" spend should be 'spent' :)
MelissaAuthor's Response: Hi, there! Sorry for the embarrassingly slow response. Too much Going on this weekend.
I'm glad you liked the shifting points of view. It's one of my favorite narrative techniques and I probobaly use it to death in this story. But I like being able to give the reader a few different perspectives on events and, as an author, it's very helpful to convey the information that I want to get across and conceal what I don't. ;)
I spent a lot of time thinking about how to age Draco realistically, so I'm really glad you liked him. When I think about where his character started off in the books compared to where it ended up, I'm still amazed by JKR's ability to develop and define characters. I just tried to keep him on the same trajectory he was on at the end of DH. He's not a hero, he's not really a villain, he's something in between with traits of both.
I'm happy that you liked the scene in Magical Records. I enjoyed writing it, even though it was tricky to keep track of which character was where, doing what. Hermione... well, you'll find out very soon!
Thanks do much for reading and leaving such a lovely review! Report Review
Oh my goodness.
There is so much in this chapter that I want to point out and love, and now that I've gotten to the end, to the part where I actually write this review, I'm a bit at a loss for what to say. This story is so, so painstakingly canon -- it makes my heart so, so happy. I literaly grinned the entire time I was reading this. The way you casually flit from description to humour to a bit of angst to warm, fuzziness ahhh! Can I borrow your brain, because you, my dear, are brilliant. Like, Hermione-brilliant.
You handled a large table full of an enormous cast with so much ease -- that is really something to be proud of. And your characterization of each and every one of the Weasley's was so spot on. I think the magic of this story is really in the little details... the small one liners that pop up in the course of the narrative that really bring this story to life. For example, that bit about Arthur and the airplane, while Molly blanched at the memory. Ron's mention of a famous seeker to make Harry feel better about losing the game of quidditch. The little line about where all the bubbles were coming out of George. These things are little gems sprinkled through this story that help to convince the readder that this really is the Weasley family, and as such there was never any question in my mind that your account of these interim years is how it happened.
I adore your portrayal of Harry and Ginny's relationship here. I often find myself balking at the thought of writing Ginny Weasley because I can't typically wrap my head around her or her relationship with Harry. I feel as though you really brought a depth to their relationship that I hadn't found yet in the FF world.
Lastly, I have a quick question for you. Where did you find the date for when all the little weasleys were born? Or did you make the order they arrived in up? I'm currently in the midst of some planning for the second half of my George/Angelina novel and was looking for some info on the next generation children for completeness's sake, so I'm curious how you came up with your timeline for their births.
Anyway, this is such a brilliant story and I cannot wait until you update it again. :)
Very Well Done!!
MelissaAuthor's Response: Melissa! You're a very lovely reviewer so thanks for the lovely review!
I'm glad I can make your heart happy?! Haha. Can I just say, comparing me to Hermione is the biggest compliment ever. So thank you!
For me, reading a story, the details are so important so that's why I love to include them in my own writing. I have a giggle thinking up all of the little human idiosyncrasies I can include to round out the picture a bit more.
Thanks for your comment on the relationship between Harry and Ginny... I know a lot of people find that relationship hard to get, but to me it always seemed natural. However, it's one of those relationships that is rarely depicted in FF as something close to canon... which is what I've tried to do! So I'm glad you think I've achieved that - particularly as you don't usually like the Harry/Ginny ship.
As for organizing the many Weasley and Potter babies - I do have a master timeline! Some dates are canon and can be found on the Harry Potter wiki, but I worked most of them out, based either on the likely spacing each couple would want between their kids, or on which characters I wanted to be pregnant and which children I wanted to be born by the time the story starts. I'd be very happy to send you the dates I have (canon and otherwise) if you'd like a starting point! And the dinner... I did have to draw up a table plan to keep it all right in my mind!
Huge thanks again for continuing to read and review - I really have to get on with the next chapter, knowing I have 'readers'! :P
Omg. SARAH, you wonderful person you. This was honestly the best birthday present -- everything about this was so light hearted and sweet and fun and gahhh. It twas brilliant.
Tonks and Charlie's friendship was so natural and easy feeling, their bickering and shoving and wand pointing all leant itself to how long they've known each other and just how good of freinds they are. Tonks was perky and clumsy and everybit the girl I imagined canon tonks to have once been and charlie was so driven and keen and lovely. YOUNG CHARLIE, YOU SHALL GROW UP INTO A GORGEOUS DRAGON KEEPER ONE DAY.
And ermehgerd. STELLA. STELLA MADE IT INTO THE STORY AND PLAYED A BIG PART. HE. SUCH A SMART KITTY, TOO. I adored the role she got to play in this story, purring on Charlie's leg, and accompanying them on all of their adventures and the fact that only she knew that they really had succeeded in finding the water dragon... PERFECT. AHH. I REPEAT, ERMEHGERD.
The plot of this was so charming and fun... an epic quest to find something... I loved that charlie placed his trust in Tonks only to have her loyalties skewed by a handsome smile and shining hair. Ahhh!! I can't believe that Charlie had actually discovered a mythical water dragon... only to leave thinking it was just a prank by Hajari... GAH, CHARLIE SEE WHAT STELLA SEES.
lol. I absolutely loved this story. thank you so, so much. It was a lovely birthday present.
MelissaAuthor's Response: Yayy, I'm happy you liked it! WAS A WEE BIT NERVOUS ABOUT POSTING because I've never written Charlie before, or young Tonks, and could not for the life of me remember if you wanted it to be shippy or friendship. So if you wanted shippy, I le apologize for le fail.
CONFESSION: CHARLIE IS BEGINNING TO INTEREST ME NOW. Which means you need to hurry up and write your Charlie fic because I am suddenly overcome with wanting to read about him.
Stella!! I wanted to squeeze a Ben in there somewhere too, but forgot. Stella and her secret water dragon knowledge. ^ ^
Baww, Tonks, one look at the attractive enemy and she's a goner. Charlie! Turn around! It exists!
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Wow. There is so much in this chapter, I'm not sure where to begin this review!! The writing was very enthralling and so I was so keen to get to the next scene and then the next that I don't think I did a very good job of reading critically. By all means if there's an area/scene that you would like me to look over let me know and I'd be more than willing, but for the purposes of this review, I'm going to focus on the things I enjoyed most!!
lolololol. Seriously, what not to love? I literally was laughing outloud when Lily was fake seducing James, and panicing about not being able to look away from his bare chest. There was something just so young and fresh about it that it was a lovely contrast to the grieving depressed lily we've seen thus far. I'm happy that she's coping and beginning to make forward strides. There interactions with each other seem very fresh -- though I was half expecting James to wake up and realize that it was all a dream. lol.
I loved being able to see Lily and her friends as well as her freindship with Remus. We know from canon that they are close to one another, and it was nice to see that here. Remus' story about his friend being attacked by a monster broke my heart. It was so moving.
Ahh! I know you said it's coming up but I'm very curious to see why Belletrix is at Hogwarts. Oh, as an aside, I do sometimes find myself confusing Lily's friend Belle with Belletrix -- it's not a huge deal, but something to think about when naming OCs in the future, perhaps.
The transfer student from Durmstrang made me laugh. I'm not even entirely sure why, but I kept giggling the whole time I was reading his conversation with lily. I think you did a good job with the party scene -- I know they're difficult to write!! I had to do one for new year's chaper in WAT, and ugh. Too many people doing too many things, so kudos to you!! I love that lily is jealous and love how funny James finds drunk lily to be. I'm sure he'll have plenty of blackmail info in the future!!
This is a great chapter, and like I said earlier, feel free to let me know if there's a particular scene or whatever that you'd like a mit more critique for!! Looking forward to having a chance to read the next chapter!
MelissaAuthor's Response: Oh my gosh the Lily James scene with the towel then suffocating blanket. I don't even know how to describe how much fun that was to write! I feel like Lily's always either so sweet and perfect, or a flat out rude brat to James.. I wanted to give her a lot of grey areas. She was attracted to him, she's only seventeen and spent too long being best friends with Snape that the tension wouldn't have been their in this situation. She's experienced with many things in life. With prejudice because of her blood, stress because of her need to always be on top to prove her blood worth even if it's just to herself, anger and devastation when Severus said those words to her, and now the absolute loss of her parents.
But, as far as experience in certain areas go, they are both still so young and fresh. I love these two ♥
I am so happy you liked this chapter, you have no idea what your reviews have meant to me! I hope everything just continues to improve/heighten from here on out, writing and interest wise!
Thank you again Mel ♥ Report Review
Oooh. Lily. Such a wonderful one shot. Everything about Umbridge/Dollie's life was so pristene and in place and very stark, I think. There was a lovely disonance between the name Dollie and the life she lives. I know this is a short review, but our electricity just went out and my battery has very little life left, so all in all, this was a wonderfully constructed portrait of the woman who becomes the Umbridge from canon.
xoxoAuthor's Response: bahhh well, thank you for reviewing even when your battery is dying :P i'm glad you liked this--there's obvious concern because umbridge is drawn so--um--specifically and certainly in canon, and i didn't want to make a joke of that, nor fully adhere to it.
i didn't want to give her an excuse--i wanted to make it quite clear she was doing everything on purpose, and just had skewed ideas of what was bad and what was acceptable behavior.
anyway, thanks again, i appreciate you taking time to let me know what you thought :D ♥ Report Review
Oh my goodness, Sarah!
What a perfectly sweet and lovely story. The relationship between Hesper and Florean is so romantic...
See what I did there?? ;)
Now seriously, this is a delightfully creepy, beautifully written look into an absolutely repugnant character. The way he gazes through those yellow blinds, the way he associated his ice cream with himself... his odd sense of self entitlement... it's all so wretched, but so, so well done.
Him following her, and the vision he has, of another girls face... left me with the creepy crawly chills. and the second to last paragraph... omg. crey. So now it's storming and I'm home alone with this one shot, so I'm going to call this review quits. I hope you got a laugh out of the opening of this review, and know that I really do admire you ability to write so many different things. This was a fantastic one shot.
Well done!Author's Response: SNORT SNORT SNORT.
♥ omg I love you, woman. Also pretty sure I almost had an aneurysm but that was resolved quickly. XD
Dude, Florean in this fic makes me so squicky, I just. Ew. When Marina posted this challenge about dark/horror, I think a lot of people's minds went to Voldemort, to Death Eaters, to Dark creatures and the like. But what frightens me the most are the /real/ beasts, the nightmares like Florean who are hiding behind a smile and a bowl of ice cream, always watching. -shudder-
LOL STORMING AND ALONE. PERFECT CHOICE FOR READING, MEL. ♥
Eternal loff~ Report Review
Omg. This is haliarious. I adore Nova, such a funny fraud, and MOLLY... somehow the idea of her popping around from fake seer to fake seer has me in stitches. The fact that feeding into her false visions and dramatics for entertainment and an excuse to get out of the house is so fun. I can't imagine her household but, ugh. I'm sure I'd need to get out too. Annd Emily... Guess she never does get to use that name. :P I think one of my favorite things about this was how completely random and disconnected your descriptions were. It gave it all a very whimsical silly sort of feel.
And poor, poor Nova. Her only correct prediction can't even be when a client is present.
Great one shot!!Author's Response: MEL. WHAT UP.
Okay, ngl, if there were such thing as Seers, I would totally go door to door trying to corner them with their words. Do you by chance remember Miss Cleo on t.v.? I WANTED TO CALL HER UP SO BAD and just tell her all sorts of lies and listen to her scramble to tell me what she thought I would want to hear. Maybe there's something wrong with me and how I get my kicks, but I think it leaked a little into this story. :D
THANK YOU FOR BEING AWESOME. ♥ Report Review
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