Reading Reviews From Member: Ollie Vander
  
155 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Ollie VanderThe Sign of the Birtwhistle: The Sign of the Birtwhistle

19th May 2008:
haha, I was practically rolling off my chair! Your work ceases to amaze me!

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Review #27, by Ollie VanderBouquet: White Carnation

12th May 2008:
Hey, it's me. Well first off, great chapter. It seems to correspond with my "rabbit Food" which is a bit freaky. Anyway...I really really liked it. There isn't much constructive critsim to give...mayeb the tenses, they jump a bit, but are mosty good, characterization good, great description...what more is there to say? Going on-

Author's Response: Ooo yeah!!! Thank you for the review!! I actually haven't had a chance to read your "Rabbit Food" yet (stupid life) but I'll get right on it. I'm glad that you like it!!! Hope you enjoy the rest!!

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Review #28, by Ollie VanderOf Waffles and Roses: In Which the Proposition is Shared

12th May 2008:
Wow, one of the best characterizations of the marauders I have read. My only comment? Where's Peter? On holiday? You just needed to add one sentance for the story to be perfect! Still, 10/10, I really loved it!

Author's Response: Erm, Peter's...on holiday. Yes yes. Lol, I actually just got kind of lazy and ignored him. But you didn't hear that from me. Thanks for reviewing! ^_^

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Review #29, by Ollie VanderIgnorance is Bliss: Reactions

12th May 2008:
Hmmm, very good once again. I liked the characterizations...and I can't wait to see SLughorn's reaction. I do hope you put his in, and Minerva's. And Poppy's. I think a little more canon would do you good, but for what you have, it rocks!
I loved that "Moon Robbers" line, I hope we get to hear more about that later.
I am going to visit you on the forums, I can't wait for anouther chapter!

Author's Response: Cool, I'm glad you liked! If you can give me any more suggestions or tips to being canon they would be gratefully accepted, I do try and stick to it! Except in the next chapter, lol, things will seem like they're not canon for a while, and Sirius lovers will hate me for about half a chapter, but everything will turn out ok, I promise! Apart from they all die, but you already knew that! I'm eagerly awaiting you on the forums!

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Review #30, by Ollie VanderThe Angel's Kiss: The Angel's Kiss

10th May 2008:
Aww, that's really sweet. It's so detailed, and so beautiful.
Two little things;
1.) Your tenses jump alot, which makes it annoying to read...so if you ever decide to edit, be sure to fix that.
2.) At one part you said he had "four wonderful children..." but you only describe the three canons.
Still, nice job.

Author's Response: hey ollie!!
Ill go and check on the tenses, thanks for pointing it out. Yea, I said 'four' because Harry thinks Teddy as one of his son's rather than a godson but Ginny only talks about her three children. if you get me.
thank you! =]


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Review #31, by Ollie VanderPeril Without Wizards: Chapter 1

7th May 2008:
Hey Grey! It's up...finally! Don't worry, the wait seems shorter each time!
I'm soo happy you credited me, it really was nothing! I enjoyed helping you.
Like I told you, pretty good sofar. Make sure you incoorporate Harry at some point! ;-)
So here's to many more reviews! *raises champane glass*

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Review #32, by Ollie VanderI Am...: In the Heat of the Moment

6th May 2008:
Wow, very strong and well written peice of work. It has such good insigh to Colin, one we have never seen before. I really throughly liked it. Critism...hmmm...the begining seemed a bit choppy, but it was all of Denis's thoughts, so I understand. It got better as the story went on.
Straight to fave's!
I really liked the last line btw, and the "bring it on."
If you ever decide to come back to this story, I would suggest adding anouther chapter about his falling. That would be extreamly interesting to read. Just if you wanted. But, don't add to this chapter. The ending was perfect.

Author's Response: First off I want to say: Thank you for the reivew!! You favorited it? *Blushes* Thank you!!!

Yeah the beginning is kinda choppy, I might go back and fix that-just make it flow better. I remember encountering that problem while writing it but in the end I just kept it as is thinking that the thought process usually makes no sense...well mine doesn't anyway.

Those two lines were my favorite lines. Actually McGonagall's speech is part stroke of genius part pure laziness. I didn't really want to take the time to write out a whole speech so I just had it be three short words, which I like a lot better than a longer speech. Yeah laziness!!!

I actually like your idea. I have been thinking about coming back to Colin's story but I haven't had the time or the plot to do it with so I just left it as if. I definatly would make it another one shot though, I agree, that I Am... should stand alone.

Thank you again for reivewing and I am glad you liked the story!!!


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Review #33, by Ollie VanderThere's No Such Thing As Magic!: There's No Such Thing as Magic!

6th May 2008:
Pretty good...you once again use good adjectives and really describe the room. You characterizations were good too.

If you are interested, I actually have a novella focusing on Dudley, so if you may, I would really like to see your views becasue they seem to differ...

Once again, good peice of work...no cc!

Author's Response: Thanks, I just dreamt this one up and wrote it all in one sitting, which is rare for me!
Oh, I would love to! No, I think that Dudley is a very complicated character, especially after the dementor incident, but that's just how I imagine him aged eight! Evil little poopoo, to put it one way!
Thanks! =D XX


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Review #34, by Ollie VanderIgnorance is Bliss: Stages of Rejection

6th May 2008:
Once again, very good story. Well written, well characterized...just the littel athor's note in the middle fazed me. It distracted me and I had to go back and re-read the paragraph before. If you can, it would be wise to take it out.

In other words, really good, 10/10...ttfn!

Author's Response: I have edited it but the queue is quite long right now . . Thank you so much! *huggles!*

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Review #35, by Ollie VanderIgnorance is Bliss: In the light of the moon..

6th May 2008:
Hey, I am very impressed. This is a tough subject to write, (not that I have written it,) but others I have read were not nearly detailed enough. Enter your story! You were so incredibly detailed that I could almost see young Remus walking through the woods.
Critisim...hmm...a few grammer errors...but everyone has tons of those...your sentances are all the same length. Compound, very long. I am not saying that is bad, on the contrary, it's very good, but maybe try varry them a little.
That's all the critism...it really was quite good and I am going to go on. BTW, I found this from your post on the forums, so you put it into good use!!! :-)
p.s. I want a cookie. ;-)

Author's Response: Uh, virtual cookie good enough? ;)
Thanks so much, i dunno what to say!
Oh, I know I'm not so great with grammar, one day i'll check it through agian, but its a tuesday night, later is best! But thanks for pointing it out!
I know my sentences are all long with loads of commas in, I tend to do that, i don't know why..
You found this on the forums! I am gobsmacked! I never thought anyone looked at my signiture ( it;s pretty rubbish seeing as i have no pictures . . )
Thanks for the great review, you've made my day!
P.s I love your name! Lol! =D


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Review #36, by Ollie Vander'Til Death Do Us Part: The 2nd Installment: Reality Hurts

3rd May 2008:
Oh, I'm literally tearing up. You portrayed this chapter so beautifully, and so sadly. Shay's emotion, Sirius's, Lily's, James, Peter's, and Dumbledore's was great. Even for the breif period we saw Remus, he was good.

I was wondering when you would put in that little fact about Niki's baby. I was hoping you would, and you put it in well.

10/10, like usual, because there isn't a 100/100.

Author's Response: thank you! I'm glad you liked it so much!

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Review #37, by Ollie VanderWe Gryffies: Let The Sound Take You Away

1st May 2008:
Another graeat chapter, and I do I beleive I am the first to review. Coolio.

Umm, no cunstuctive critism today, it was really funny for the most part, well written, your characters have stayed the same throught...check plus plus!!!

Another great job, can't wait for more!

Author's Response: Glad you liked it! I apologize if I sound a little defensive when you offer criticism...I get very, er, protective of myself sometimes >.

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Review #38, by Ollie VanderHermione Unwritten: Prologue: Ms. Hermione Jean Granger

27th April 2008:
Very, very good first chapter. Your writing skills are evident, and you portray Hermione quite well.
The only critism I have? "Anyway, I was quite..." I don't think Hermione would say "anyway," especially after this big speech about how bright she was.
But excluding that minor detail, brilliant job so far. Please keep going!

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Review #39, by Ollie VanderThree In The Morning: Three In The Morning

23rd April 2008:
Hahahahaha, pretty good, especially for a nonsencical story. Very, very, very cute. Just a little out of place. Really cute with the whole crayon thing though!

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Review #40, by Ollie VanderWhen Luna met Rolf: A new day, a new life

23rd April 2008:
Wow. Just, wow.

You brilliantly displayed Luna, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, adn Ginny. You entwined many aspects of Hgwarts with a graduation, the final battle, and what we know from the epilougue. (spelled wrong.)

Not much else to say...great great job.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

I'm still completely dazzled by the positive feedback that I've got concerning the characterization of Luna, but also of Ginny and the others... I think that for Luna graduation would be a huge part of her life and she would eb afraid to leave the grounds. I also think that Harry and the others that didn't come back to finish their schooling felt melancholic as well because they were saying goodbye too... I'm so happy that you like and again, thank you for taking the time to read it.

I hope the next chapter will be just as good as this one seems to have been:)


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Review #41, by Ollie VanderWe Gryffies: On Ne Sait Jamais

23rd April 2008:
Haha, once again, really cute and well written. One negative thing-I think you should have mentioned that Kate is JD's sister, becasue It's been a while since I read and I forgot. I know that that is completley unnescary, but it's helpful.
That's really it, and please update again ASAP!

Author's Response: Ooh, thanks for the suggestion. I've created so many characters that I don't realize how confusing it can be!

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Review #42, by Ollie VanderLearning to Teach, Teaching to Learn: Learning to Teach, Teaching to Learn

19th April 2008:
Wow, really nice story! Beautifully written, well characterized, (McGonagall I mean,) just one little negative comment;
I don't think that Annie would have been so calm as she was. If I hadn't read Harry Potter and someone came up to me and asked that, I would ask all about everything. She seemed a little too "Oh, cool!" These people have never heard of it before, so you have to try adn get that across.

All in all, great story, 10/10!

Author's Response: Thank-you so much! I totally understand what you mean about Annie's quick acceptance, at the time I wrote it I wanted to post it in time for World Teacher's Day so I didn't focus on that aspect as much as I could have. I actually want to come back to this story and expand upon it once all my other WIPs are finished and that's definitely an aspect I want to explore more.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #43, by Ollie VanderThe Chamber: The Chamber

18th April 2008:
Really really sweet, clever, well written for the most part. Nice job.

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Review #44, by Ollie Vander"Sev": Chapter Five

18th April 2008:
Aww, really really cute idea and story! I love how they are just normal even though they are dead.
Now for some critism:
1.) Your characterization of Snape was not very canon-like. I understand that with Lily with him, he was much more calm, but he just wasn't the usual. The others were pretty good though. So, work on him.
2.) You need to work on your grammer. I'm sorry, but it was really hard to read some of it-and not just in the chapter you wrote on your phone. So please work on that for the future.
Pretty good, all in all, and keep writing!

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Review #45, by Ollie Vander:

17th April 2008:
Once again, brava! By the way, I don't think it's too short. It is the perfect length for the story!

My only concern is a bit of sentance stucture. They don't varry too much, so you might want to work on that a bit. Also, you stated the sentance with "but" and you should try not to do that.

Other than that, amazing job, and still a 10/10!

Author's Response: Yeah, grammar has never been the stongest point about my writing - I'm working on it :)

Thanks for the review!! xx


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Review #46, by Ollie Vander:

15th April 2008:
I remeber seeing your topic on the forums...I can't wait to see where this goes! It is characterized exceptionally well, as well as written magnificantly. Good job, can't wait for more.

Author's Response: Thanks so much!! ::) xx

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Review #47, by Ollie VanderA Staggering Defiance of Resolutions: Dances of Her Debut

14th April 2008:
Hey Rita! It's Ollie. I'm so happy that your story's up, finally! It's very cute, but you need some pointers:

1.)Where are they? I thought they were at a house, but why would all those other families be there? And why is there a muggle? The Malfoy's, Flints, and Zabini's would not like that.
2.) Characterizations amd canon facts: Like number 1, sorry, but you don't see families from order, death eater, and other to just join together. Ehh, not happening! Also, you need to work on Draco's characterization. Maybe add some sarcasm in the future. He needs to sneer more when a muggle is mentioned.
3.)Facts: Baruabatons is NOT a girl's school. This mistake is made alot, because in the movie it is shown this way. It is co-ed though, it is said in the books.

Cute idea, cheers!

Author's Response: How do, Twinster?
1)They're at Malfoy Manor. It's a back-to-school gala and also sort of a Ministry get-together. The muggle was there because, er, I was having a George Michael craze at the time, heh heh.
2)Yeah, I need to work on that.
3)I know Beaubatons isn't an all-girls school but I just kept it like that because I like the idea of it... better then boy-girl.


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Review #48, by Ollie VanderOvercoming Obstacles: Ch.1 A reunion

14th April 2008:
Cute. Work on your grammer please.

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Review #49, by Ollie VanderCareer Consultation: Career Consultation

14th April 2008:
Great idea, well written, well characterized. Not much else to say! 10/10.

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Review #50, by Ollie VanderA Tangled Web: A Tangled Web

14th April 2008:
I've. Got. Goosebumps.

That was a magnificant version of Sirius's tale. It entertwined canon, an OC, a love interest, and amazing characterizations.

Really good idea...wow. Really, really entrancing.

No negative comments!

Author's Response: Thanks!! I doubt you will read this because it's taken me so very long to respond, but I appreciate your review and am happy you enjoyed the story, I had a lot of fun with it :) .

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