Some of the phrasings just didn't make sense, and I think it'd have more of an impact if you drew the storytelling out a bit more.Author's Response: Should note that as a reminder! -writes it down- Report Review
This made me laugh the whole way through, and made me want to read more! You should definitely extend this story a bit, I like it! Report Review
The dialogue between James and Lily is excellent - I love the way you've brought the dynamic to life so well. I've read through all the chapters you've posted so far, and since this one's my favorite, I thought I'd comment here. Can't wait to read the rest of your story, I love your writing! Report Review
Incredible! Just the right mix. And I could almost hear the characters saying their lines; way to stay true to the characters! Report Review
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