Reading Reviews From Member: rozen_maiden
  
221 Reviews Found

Review #26, by rozen_maidenKill Me.: Dom

13th August 2013:
Hey there, fellow Snake :)
This was a real intense, little read! I wasn't expecting something full of such emotion. You wrote your characters really well, and I felt extremely sorry for poor Dom. No wonder Scorpius was so angry. I felt that Dom's situation could have been elaborated on at first, but by the end, I liked that you didn't touch on that. The sense of mystery gave it a very sinister feel, and I think that it work really, really well. And, hey, for an one-hour slap together, this was very, very good :)
There was this one sentence though:
"Her face had streaks from tears that rolled down her pale just a short while before."
I think you're missing cheeks, or face in there :)
Anyway, awesome job that was a pleasure to read!
-Mahalia

Author's Response: Whoops. So you found a mistake! I knew one would eventually be found...

Pleasure? Really...? aw shucks. :)

I was at a cross roads whether to add detail into the situation but I wanted the focus to be on the character interaction rather than just a reaction to the situation you know? Thanks for all the kind words! You made me blush a little :)

XOXOXOX,
LLG


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Review #27, by rozen_maidenThe Queen Is Giving In: Truth or Death?

12th August 2013:
blackballet! It's Mahalia, from the forums. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to keep reviewing (very, very sorry, I should say).
Your story is still coming along really well. I'm loving Dorcas personality - she's sassy, and a little rough around the edges, which makes her incredibly real to read. I really hope her and Sirius work out what's going on - you can tell that it annoys the other Marauders too, so I think it would be awesome if they could just sort their issues out, haha.
But the truth and dare game! I loved it - typical Sirius getting his hands on Veritaserum! That was always going to be trouble. But, I think you wrote that scene really well (there were some grammatical errors, but I won't waste your time pointing them out - if you just gave your chapter a once over, I think it would all be fine :)). It was easy to read, and I loved the character dynamics - especially the Remus/Mary kiss. I thought that was pretty cute :3
Ah, and your flashback! It sounds like Nick and Dorcas were really close at one point. I have to say, she is handling the whole him dating her friend very well, considering how serious (Sirius? haha) they were in their relationship. As much as I shouldn't, I do really enjoy Nick as a character - I think you've given him a strong personality, and he has a real 'bad boy' attitude. The fact I like and hate him at the same time is mark of great writing, so well done :)

Overall, another good chapter. I will be reading more, and again, I'm so sorry I've delayed it for so long!
- Mahalia

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it so much. They will sort there issues out soon, don't worry.
Yes, I had to put it in there, because I feel like it's a staple in a marauder fic. I had a bit of trouble keeping track of everyone, but I finally got it.

Yes they were very close, and I think Dorcas was okay about it because she doesn't really want much to do with Nick anymore, as you'll see in the next chapter.

Nick is like that bad boy that you really want to hate, but you just can't, and I am so glad I wrote him that way.

Thanks so much for reviewing, and I'll definitely request soon!


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Review #28, by rozen_maidenFreshly Mown Grass: Freshly Mown Grass

11th August 2013:
I don't usually read the Ron/Hermione pairing, but I'm really, really happy I read this. It was sweet and funny and just really perfect. Amazing writing, I really loved it :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm really glad you liked it :)

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Review #29, by rozen_maidenThe Steps to Insanity : Lesson One: Honor Thy Name

11th August 2013:
So, I read this a while ago (while I was not logged in), and didn't leave a review (I'm sorry). But I am really, really happy I found this story again. It is a pretty accurate and intense viewpoint on Bella, and I could not applaud you enough for taking on a character's past like her own. You have done a really great job!
Bella's relationship with her father, and how she handles the others around them (by interacting on a blood/wealth status, instead of the actual person) is really symbolic of the time the older Slytherin's we know grew up in. You have done really, really well in encompassing all that would have been expected of these pureblood children. I don't see very many stories focusing on child Bellatrix, so I'm pretty excited and interested to see where you're going to take this. If this second chapter is anything to go by, I know you'll do an awesome job :)
Anyway, I'm really looking forward to an update. Your writing style, dialogue, characterisation and flow are just perfect. I'm very, very impressed and pretty beside myself right now :) Well done!
- Mahalia

Author's Response: Hi there :)!

I'm so excited you like the start of this! Bellatrix is one of those characters who I can't get enough of. I spend so much time in the 'good' heads of the Marauders, that getting to step into hers is always so much fun, haha!

Aww thank you for all the amazing compliments! I can't stop smiling!! I'll really try and update this soon, pinky promise!

Thank you again so much!

♥ Jami


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Review #30, by rozen_maidenA Touch of Light: Alive

9th August 2013:
Ah, I'm not sure what to say. This was really beautiful! It was moving and inspiring, and it just felt so realistic. I loved your view on the Malfoy family - Narcissa's optimism for hope and the love she felt for her husband and son. I especially loved this line:
"Lucius had stood up, preparing to haul Bellatrix's body away himself, and he was not the only one who was shocked when Arthur Weasley joined him, moving to carry the woman's feet."
You put so much hope in that one sentence, I could not applaud you enough. Well done, this was a really, really lovely read.
Mahalia

Author's Response: Thanks! Sorry this response was delayed by a couple of days :)

This was one of the first stories I wrote on HPFF and it's still dear to my heart. I love Narcissa as a character and I think she was really the driving force in her family in those last couple of years where everything went to chaos.

I'm glad you liked the hopeful turn with the others helping Lucius and Narcissa with Bellatrix. I don't know how realistic it is, looking back on it now, but the thought is nice :)

Thanks again for your lovely review! I hope you stop back by and read other stories of mine!

-Amanda


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Review #31, by rozen_maidenWhere Our Voices Sound: Beneath The Surface

8th August 2013:
This was amazing! I saw your post on the forums, and I clicked on it and started reading - I was really blown away by the whole story. Then I realised that your are the author of Traitorous Hearts! (Which I just adore) Your writing is just amazing, and it flows so well, no matter what you are talking about. Honestly, it leaves me breathless sometimes.
I'm excited for the next update. You have a really interesting appropriation and plot going here. You're fast becoming one of my favourite writers on this site - you really have a gift and you use it well :)
I'll leave you now, as I fear I gush a little too much. Overall, awesome job and I can't wait to read more of your exquisite writing! :)
Mahalia

Author's Response: First of all, I need to apologize for taking so long to answer this awesome, incredibly kind review. I can't even describe the size of the smile it put on my face when I first read it. It's one of those that uplifts me every time I see it. Those were such nice compliments--I'm just like, arhg! Flailing with excitement that you liked it! And Traitorous Hearts! Thank you so much, and I hope I continue to write in such a way that you enjoy the stories!!! Thank you for your kind words--you can't imagine how much they mean. You're the best!



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Review #32, by rozen_maidenClash: Him

7th August 2013:
My goodness! Albus is just so ... Chilling. I haven't seen a character like him in any literature for a very long time. He is everything I expect from a Slytherin, and the fact he is Harry's son just seems to compound the cold narcissism (for lack of a better word). I'm so curious to see what the story is behind Albus and Harry's relationship. And Scorpius, too. He doesn't seem like Draco, but there was a lot unspoken...
Overall, I'm just incredibly curious. Again, this chapter was perfectly written. Every word is perfectly placed and your paragraphs flow seamlessly. I'm in awe right now!
- Mahalia

Author's Response: Albus is an enigma at the moment. I don't know if you've read chapters 3 and 4 yet, but they come to establish his character better. He's certainly ruthless and cold and very cynical, because he comes to think of himself as 'better' from an early age, but you can see a bit of insecurity (scene Scorpius helps him) that hides behind the hostile front he puts up. Scorpius is the better version of his father--though he does still possess a bit of that contempt and "rich-boy demeanor". It'll be interesting how he plays into the Rose and Albus dynamic, because he's quite different from them. Again, glad you enjoyed it hope you continue to do so!

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Review #33, by rozen_maidenClash: Her

7th August 2013:
I have been sitting at my computer for about two minutes (no joke), staring at this tiny review box and thinking - constantly thinking - trying to even just ... touch at the right words I want to say to you right now. But I can't. This chapter has left me completely dumbfounded. How have I not seen this before? It was just remarkable.
First, the beginning. The dystopic world you started with was written so well! Really, you don't see many bleak futures in fanfiction, and as a fan of 1984, this, of course, instantly got my attention. Muggles finding out about magic - I mean, really, that is a brilliant idea! And Rose: WOW. She is just a presence: her future self and her young self. Her whole personality is so volatile, and her love for her little brother comes across as extremely unpredictable. Combine that with her dark magic...
Yes, an incredibly well-written chapter, and I can already tell that your plot is beyond the level of anything else I've read.
- Mahalia

Author's Response: Wow, it took me forever to reply. With school starting up again, it's been really busy. Sorry for the wait

I'm glad you liked it! A huge fan of 1984 as well (read it two summers ago), I can see how it probably had an effect on this story, though I didn't intend it to. The focus isn't really on post-war world as much as it is on HOW it came to be that way. I'm glad you like Rose. I love her too :) She's had a rough time and that's made her slightly off-her-rocker, and that's incredibly fun to write because as you said--it makes her unpredictable to a frightening extent (though I will say she's tamer than my other MC haha) Anyway, thanks for the review :) I hope you keep reading and enjoying this story.


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Review #34, by rozen_maidenMarked: The Price of Living

7th August 2013:
Perfect! I really loved this story - everything was in canon; from Narcissa to Bella to Snape... And I loved the absolute loyalty Draco had towards Lucius, right to the end. I felt as though I was reading an actual book, and I even got teary at the end. You are an incredible writer. This was truly amazing, well done.

Author's Response: Hello, again!

I'm really, really pleased that you liked the story. To me, this was such an interesting period in Draco's life that was never thoroughly explained in the books. It was fun to take a crack at filling in the gaps.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #35, by rozen_maidenMarked: It All Comes Crashing Down

6th August 2013:
Okay, I'm ... speechless at the moment. This was just magnificent. I don't even have words... Just. Wow.

Author's Response: Hi!

I have to admit, I'm a little speechless, too. Thank you for the lovely compliment and thanks for taking the time to review!


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Review #36, by rozen_maidenAlways Yours: The Malfoys

6th August 2013:
Harry and Cleo are pretty cute. I wonder how he will go when he finds out about Draco - and what Draco's going to do about his parents.
I really liked reading the scene involving Narcissa and Lucius, and I loved the fact that McGonagall still made them feel uncomfortable, haha
There were a few grammar mistakes, etc. throughout the chapter, but it's nothing a beta wouldn't fix. I'm curious to know what will happen with Cleo and Draco and Harry. That's looking like a messy love triangle ;)
Sorry about the short review this time (I'm running late for uni :( ) but I'm looking forward to another update! :)
- Mahalia

Author's Response: Yay, glad to know you liked the scene. As for Cleo, Draco, and Harry, messy indeed! You have no idea the things I plan for them in my head now ;)
That's no problem! I love your reviews, they encouraged me want to write more! Thank you so much :)


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Review #37, by rozen_maidenPicking Up the Pieces: Accomplishment

6th August 2013:
And the plot thickens... This really just keeps getting better! Your writing, as always, was near flawless in this chapter. While I was reading, I could really feel the tension and unspoken attraction between Ana and Draco at the Ministry. It was so sad that they had to say goodbye! The fact that Draco's boss barely cared about what either wanted, and tried to wrap the contract signing up as quick as possible made the whole scenario even more heartbreaking.
But, to say I'm interested to see how Ana goes with Harry would be an understandment. And especially with Ginny! I think it's hilarious that she still gets slightly jealous.
Can't wait to see where this is going, still, and what is going to happen with the Tracker. I'm still loving it, and looking forward to the next update. Good luck with it, and well done on this!
- Mahalia

Author's Response: Oh, the plot is nowhere near as thick as it will get in about two-three chapters ;) Thank you, you're honestly too kind! I tried to put more of an emotional attraction between them, because I feel like it was lacking in previous chapters.

I'm going to start working on Harry's dialogue, as I think it is kind of off? Like it's not really "Harry", I guess you could say.

Again, thank you so much for the review! It means so much!


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Review #38, by rozen_maidenBeyond the Pale: inferno

5th August 2013:
Ah, Majikat - you were the biggest writer on this site when I joined in 2008, and everytime I read a piece of your work, I realise why: you are amazing! This was incredible! I find it so hard to understand, as a writer, what Lucius and Narcissa are like, but you took a real sinister and lovely viewpoint in this one-shot. And your words are like poetry. It is really lovely to read!
- Mahalia

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Review #39, by rozen_maidenSeal Our Fate: Chapter 1

5th August 2013:
I'm so glad I checked this out for the review tag! I've never seen a Slytherin story like this before - every story (and yes, I'm guilty for it), as had Theo, and/or Blaise good friends with Draco, so it's really so interesting to read this. It's incredibly dark, and intense, and Theo's interactions with Draco really had me surprised - they were so harsh. Yet, you wrote it so well, it was fitting. I particularly loved this sentence:
"You may not get it, as your pretty little head has been protected by daddy all these years, but have a good long chat with your precious Draco here and find out exactly what itís like to be controlled by him"
- That was so chilling and very well-written. Thank you so much for this brilliant read. You are an excellent writer, and I hope to see an update :)
- Mahalia

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you have as well! :D I wanted to have a story with a difference, I imagined that not everyone in Slytherin would agree with what Draco had done.
I'm so so happy that you've enjoyed this so much, I wanted it to be a darker story as it's set around the time of the final battle. The Slytherins all think that they'll be safe, but lets hope that they listen to Theo's words.
Thank you so very much for your fantastic review! You're so amazing! I'm writing the second chapter at the moment, so let's hope that I finish it soon. :D


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Review #40, by rozen_maidenUnhinged: Shocked

3rd August 2013:
Oh, I really hope you continue this. This has fast become my favourite story on this site. Your Astoria and Draco are so perfect for each other - the wit and the sarcasm is just so funny. I couldn't even do your story justice by writing a review. I loved it - I have loved all of it so far. Awesome, awesome job, I hope you continue this!
- Mahalia

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Review #41, by rozen_maidenHonour: Family

3rd August 2013:
This was a great one-shot and a real interesting view into the Malfoy's. Good job :)

Author's Response: Well thank you very much! I'm so glad you liked it :)

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Review #42, by rozen_maidenCareful What You Wish For: Two of Cups

3rd August 2013:
Well, I don't really have much to say, other than this is coming along very nicely indeed. Your canon with all the teachers were so perfect, and I loved Oliver and Dani's interactions in Divination. Keep going with this story, I think it has a lot of potential - your writing, characters and flow are all just so nice to read. There have been no grammar mistakes and no inconsistencies either. I really enjoyed these last two chapters :) Well done!
-Mahalia

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! I actually had a lot of fun writing the teachers, though it was a little bit scary, trying to keep them canon! I'm really glad you liked Oliver and Dani's interactions. I will definitely keep going with this story!

Thanks for another lovely review!
Courtney:)


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Review #43, by rozen_maidenCareful What You Wish For: Brothers and Sisters

3rd August 2013:
Hey, it's Mahalia from the forums with your review! So, I absolutely loved this beginning to your story. It was funny and witty, and your writing style is super easy to read and light-hearted.
Your descriptions of your characters have already painted a clear picture in my mind, and the whole family dynamic is enjoyable to read.
You asked in your request if your story had the readability factor - or if it made me (or other readers to want to read more). I definitely think so! You hint at a lot of things in this chapter that could really make for some funny and interesting plot twists. Like:
- Dani's reaction to hearing Oliver was at her house
- Her brother in Gryffindor
- Ravenclaw/Gryffindor Quidditch competitiveness
- Roger as captain
- and Dani in general is a fun and relatable character to read anyway.
I really think you have done a good job with this. It's one of the best intros to a story I've read in a long time :)
- Mahalia

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for taking the time to leave a review!

I'm really glad you enjoyed the beginning - I was definitely aiming for something light-hearted! And easy to read is always good!

I'm so happy you liked this firs chapter and thought that it could make readers want to read more!

Thanks again for the lovely review!
Courtney:)


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Review #44, by rozen_maidenShattered Glass: Shattered Glass

3rd August 2013:
Because you are the most amazing head of house ever, I thought it was about time I read one of your stories - and it was amazing. This was perfect! Your characterisation of Bella and Narcissa were completely spot on, right to the end when Bella broke the window again. It was perfect symbolism for Bella's chaotic mind. I also love how you conveyed Narcissa's love for her family, and how Bella just could not understand it.
Such a wonderful job! I really enjoyed reading this one-shot, so thanks for the great read :)
- Mahalia

Author's Response: I am so glad that you enjoyed reading my story! I had a blast writing it. Being inside Bella's mind is definitely a crazy place, but the stuff with the window I think, to me, was some of the most fun that I've had writing in a long while.

Thank you so much for this kind review, it made my day!


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Review #45, by rozen_maidenGrown Up Radioactive: Severus Snape

2nd August 2013:
Hey MadiMalfoy, it is Mahalia from the forums with your requested review. And before I start, let me just say: Please do not give up on this. This is an incredible idea, and I am so curious to read how you will write the other characters in your summary. Your writing style is easy to read and descriptive at the same time. You have an excellent control of language, with the right amount of emotions in your writing to entice in your readers.
And Snape - my goodness, you got him spot on. And you brought tears to my eyes - which is another reason why I say you definitely should continue! I can't wait to see how your write Tom and Lucius in particular: all the characters mentioned in your summary grew to be exceptional wizards and characters in their own right, and after reading this chapter I can tell you're going to do a perfect job with their characterisation.
Anyway, I'm putting this story in my favourites. You did a wonderful job and I look forward to more :)
- Mahalia

Author's Response: *stares open-mouthed at my computer screen*

I merely request a review from you and you decide to put it in your favorites? Oh my gosh, wow!! Don't worry, I'm not going to give up on this! I've just got more pressing pieces to be written, stuff to beta, reviews to offer, and of course RL! As is in the summary, I am cowriting this with one of my friends, so you'll see a mix of writing styles eventually. My next character is Tom Riddle, and I've already got about 450 words written for him, and it's going to be a particularly long and dark dark dark chapter. I have an "excellent control of language?" You bring a smile to my face! AP Language & Composition helped me out a lot with refining my writing skills so I guess I can thank my teacher for that! I will definitely let you know when I have the next chapter up. :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #46, by rozen_maidenAlways Yours: Insufferable Git

2nd August 2013:
Hey, it's me again :) Your writing is coming along so nicely, and I'm really starting to enjoy this story! Lucius and Narcissa are interesting additions, and I'm curious to read what they have to say to Cleo. Your canon is pretty spot on so far. I especially loved this line:
"Seems like Gryffindor just got another Granger."
Really clever tie in there.. Anyway, I'll be looking out for your next update! As I said, this is coming along very well,
- Mahalia

Author's Response: wow thank you so much! Glad to know I'm getting better with my writing :) Anyways, I've submitted the next chapter and it's should be up soon hopefully. Thank you again for reviewing, I'm looking forward for your Kamikaze update :D

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Review #47, by rozen_maidenSlytherin Secrets: On the Astronomy Tower

1st August 2013:
This is still really, really great! But before I talk about anything else, I just want to point out one inconsistency before I forget:

You talk about Draco and the Death Eater/Muggleborn woman initiation, and how he avoided it being with Pansy - that they honor commitment enough to not force him to do these deplorable acts. But I also noticed you had this sentence when describing what the acts were:
"... down into the basement, where Dolohov and Rookwood and Rowle and Yaxley and even my pathetic excuse for a father are waiting."
I think it would make more sense if you took out 'and my pathetic excuse for a father', as Lucius is in a relationship with Narcissa, and they love each other dearly. I also think it would be a bit out-of-canon to have him complete these activities when they are in the Malfoy basement, and Narcissa is in the house (she's a pretty scary woman, and she definitely has her husband under her thumb). Also, Draco mentions how he is worried for his family in this chapter (which, is perfectly in canon. The Malfoy's only looked out for each other in the last book), so I don't think he would actually see his father as pathetic (especially after just doing time in Azkaban. Maybe Draco would feel sorry for him, but not despise him. He has always loved his dad).

Anyway, that was the only critic I could find - otherwise, this story is coming along very well. As I said in my previous review, your writing style is perfect, and I was pleased and very surprised to find that it changed (but didn't degrade in quality) when you switched to Draco's point of view. I read every word as though he was speaking, because it was so well-written I could actually imagine Draco saying those words and thinking those thoughts. It's also interesting to read it out of Emmaleigh' eyes, and through Malfoy's, as reader's get to see her in a different light. It's very difficult for some writers to confidently handle two viewpoints, but you're doing an amazing job.

Anywhere you go from here is going to be a very interesting read. I'm putting this story in my favourites, just so I don't miss your update. You've introduced both characters, and now I'm pretty excited to see where you go with your plotline. Your writing is so lovely as well, it's just an absolute pleasure to read.

Thanks for requesting my review, I'm so glad I got to read your story! :)
- Mahalia

Author's Response: Hello, and thanks again!

Ah, thank you for pointing that out. I had intended to switch that to uncle (in reference to Rodolphus,) so I'll have to tweak that part. I never believed Rodolphus and Bellatrix cared for each other very much. :p

And I'm so very glad to hear the switch in narration wasn't to jarring; I was worried about that happening. A few years ago, I wrote a story that alternated between narrators and it failed miserably so I've always been afraid to attempt that style again. So far, so good, I guess! :D

Thanks again! I'm so glad you're enjoying it!


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Review #48, by rozen_maidenSlytherin Secrets: A Risky Return

1st August 2013:
Mahalia here with your RR!

I'm really not sure what I want to say here. This is opening chapter had my complete attention. You have an abosolutely lovely narrating style, that's easy to read and understand. You reveal little snippets of your OC's personality and features without going into droll detail. Honestly, the whole chapter was just perfect. I didn't have to go back and read anything. You have that Hogwarts style to your writing, and the flow - I could honestly rave all day about how well your story flowed.

Your OC herself is instantly likable and vulnerable, and I felt a strange tug in my chest when I read she was a Muggleborn Slytherin. That's so sad! And you wrote it so well - she isn't a perfect, Mary-Sue, and she has suffered from being in Slytherin. I love that Snape and Malfoy aren't her biggest fans, and it's good that you kept to that canon.

I don't really have much more to say that doesn't just constantly involve how wonderful you write. I'm reading the next chapter right now! This was a great start :)

- Mahalia

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for your amazing review! I'm so happy to hear you're enjoying it so far! :D

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Review #49, by rozen_maidenHaunted: Secrets

31st July 2013:
Review tag :)
Ah, this was really gorgeously written. It was sad, emotional and really captured Peter as a person. He wasn't detestable (I find a lot of stories make him an unsavoury character), but in fact I really, really felt sympathy for him.
And I don't even know how to describe how I felt about your descriptions of Lily and James and Peter. It seems all the more sad knowing what is going to happen. You carried out every sentence, paragraph and word perfectly - there was not a thing I found out of place.
And the parts involving Voldemort ... Wow. They were fittingly chilling, and I actually felt really tense by the end, only to have it topped off by your last line ... So well done!
I've never really read a one-shot that ties up loose ends and describes things so fluently (as I said, no word was out of place), but this was a really great read. I'm glad I had a look at it - it was truly amazing!
- Mahalia

Author's Response: Thank you!! I'm really glad you felt sorry for Peter, actually. I don't think he was ever a truly malicious person - despite everything, he did still care about his old friends.
Aah you said it was amazing - that totally made my day ♥ It's really wonderful to hear that the story was chilling and emotional - I'd never written anything dark before, so I'm glad I conveyed all those feelings properly. This was such a lovely review, thank you so much for reading!! ♥


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Review #50, by rozen_maidenFirst Name Terms: Unnoticed Apologies

30th July 2013:
Hey, it's Mahalia again.. I've just read the last two chapters, and I have to say, this is getting really interesting! I actually almost felt sorry for Malfoy at the end there when he found the letter. Typical that once he actually attempts to make an apology, his efforts are in vain, haha.

As far as characterisation goes, I find that they are a tiny bit OOC, but don't worry about it. Draco is a hard character to write, and I think that what you're doing works well with your characters anyway. I'm interested to see how Draco is going to juggle Hermione and the Vanishing Cabinet.

Anyway, I'm off to read on :)
- Mahalia

Author's Response:
Hey Mahalia!
Two reviews? Awee thank you! :D You don't have to do this lol ;) But my thanks are sent your way regardless.

I know, my characters are a bit OOC. Watch them in the forthcoming chapters... But almost every Dramione is OOC since Draco's a pathetic jerk.

Oh well continue reading, I hope you find it exciting!
-Nadia :)


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