Hey there - its mahalia from the forums, who started the rock n roll challenge! :) i have finally made it to reviewing your work :)
firstly, this was a very beautiful piece. youve made me feel for your characters. your wording is beautiful, and i felt like i was a spectator of the relationships in this story - especially harry and rons. you grab the lyrics i gave you perfectly, and i really enjoyed reading this story.
you were thhe only one who ever came back to me and handed in your entry, but i feel you would have won the challenge anyway. :) so expect a few more reviews for your other stories. thank you for the excellent story brightstar!

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for this!

I'm so glad you liked it, i really enjoyed this challenge.

Thank you for reading and making this challenge :D

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hello jess darling (: so ive finally gotten off my butt and here i am review ^^
i love this short chapter. it was like an interlude - it didnt really have any plot twist, but just a break from everything. and of course the kiss made the whole chapter - loved it! (:
you write romance and fluff really well, especially from the teen girl perspective. it's nice to see the way you shape nicole through the story, because you can actually see her maturing a bit. im disappointed she ditched malfoy but im interested to see where you are going to take it.
a sweet chapter and make sure to inform me of your next update!
lia xx

Author's Response: hehe aw thank you dear!! :) Im glad you enjoyed it!! Malfoy is not done yet! ;) mwahahaha lol anyways next chapter is over with my beta we are working on attempting to make it longer then 503 words! ;) hehe but i will let you know thank you for the beautiful review lovey!!!

XxJess

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Sweetie, omgsh... I nearly cried just from what you wrote about me! You are truly amazing and beautiful!
And this first chapter was magical... You write with such emotion and description .. I just love it! Well done my darling rachel :P I wish you were still around to continue this .. xx

Author's Response: ^_^
I'm sorry I haven't continued this :/. It has original fic potential, I'm thinking, SO don't think that dedication will change from the magical world to the muggle! I've been replying to all these unanswered reviews and wish I'd been there to respond to all of them before. Thanks for faithfully reviewing all these!

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Hello dear (:
This was amazing! I'm not usually a Rose/Scorp fan, as there are too many tangents that people tend to take them on, but this was truly amazing. You seemed to capture each character perfectly; even Rose had traits of both her parents, and I found it really enjoyable to read (: I got really into the characters and I couldn't help but feel their confused and angsty emotions.
Ron and Hermione were perfect. Whenever they spoke, I felt like I was reading a part from JK's novels. I have never seen anything so in canon on this site! It was truly amazing to read (:
So glad I stopped by your author page again (: it was well worth it!
Mahalia

Author's Response: Thanks so much for coming by and leaving such a sweet and amazing review! =] What's funny is, I was never a ScoRose fan before I was assigned this pairing, but this idea just popped immediately in my head and I had to do it. ^^

I can't believe you think my Ron and Hermione were the most canon thing you've seen on this site - that truly has just made my week. =] Wow!!! I just can't even thank you enough for that. ^^

Thank you so much for coming by yet again!!! It truly means so much to me that you do. xoxoxo

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So I was cruising around on the site, looking for a good story when I remembered this and how I only managed to get half way all those years ago ... So I searched out the story and read it from the very beginning until here. I want to go back and review every chapter, but I know that each review would just waste your time.
Nothing compared to this chapter. It was a beautiful end and I'm really sad to see it's over for Sirius. I know I expected James and Lily to get together, but it was still disappointing to have this end. That said though, I was not disappointed by the end, in it's overall context. As I said, it was a beautiful chapter, and I was really pleased to see it wasn't rushed or anything. I really wished for something different, but for the story, this was perfect! I was captivated, and held, and I really dont usually like Marauder stories! (I think I've said that to you before ..) Nevertheless, I think this has me pretty much converted. It was a gorgeous story, and each character has really grown on me. They are all so real and true, that it's hard not to relate to them.
Lovely, a 10/10 for every chapter. Ive never read a story on here that has soared from one chapter to the next without a awkward break.
Good luck with everything, CJ. I hope youre going ohk, ^-^
Much much love,
May xx

Author's Response: Hi there! ^.^
It's been ages, I know. I'm always so busy lately, I haven't been here in a very long, long time. It was amazing, really, coming back here to see this wonderful review. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, it means so much to know that you enjoyed the story ^.^
It tempts me every now and then to go back and write fanfiction, and it's reviews like this one that will convince me to do it someday (when I'll be less stressed out by work and life and everything, lol - maybe when I'm on a vacation or something). I am so very happy you liked the story, and once again, I am so very grateful for this review.

Hugs,
CJ

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Oh, this was another beautiful chapter! I was so happy to see that you updated. (:
Pansy makes me sick! You wrote her like a true famme fatale, and I'm really sad to see her like this. I have really grown to love Astoria - you have made her like no other character I have ever seen. She is a witch, but she is lovable. She's not perfect, and that is what makes her so likable - I can see my faults in her, She is a truly captivating character.
I really hope that Draco shrugs Pansy away. The last thing I want is for him to succumb to her, and Astoria to walk out. That would just break the poor girls heart, and create an awkward situation for Draco to explain.
As I said, I still love this story. You write so lovely, I feel amazed by the end of each chapter (: Well done!
Mahalia x

Author's Response: Uh, welll. *guilty face* That's all I'm going to say for now...

Thank you for the lovely review! You made my day (again).

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Hey, it's Mahalia (:
First comment is, that there was barely any dialogue, yet it still help my attention. There was so much description that was so well written, that it really left me quite breathless. I couldn't have torn my eyes away even if i tried! I don't know what it was about your writing, but it was truly amazing!
I've always been really interested in Dolohov, but have never found any stories on him, so I really enjoyed this. You kept him a death eater, yet also kept him afraid - it was a good contrast. I have always really enjoyed reading stories on Death Eaters and seeing how people view them - if they give them human emotions, or leave them monsters. This was truly surprising and nice, because though i've been interested in Dolohov, I have always seen him as quite a horrible person.
Finally, the last line was abolsutely magical! It finalised Dolohov's feelings throughout the story, and it really left me breathless! I even felt sick in my stomach for him!
Congrats on the story, and good luck in the challenge. It's going to be really hard for me to compete now :S haha. Thanks for the amazing read!
Mahalia x

Author's Response: *jumps up and down like a giddy child* Someone feels sick for him, that was my goal! Ohhh, you have just made my week, along with a happy little tear in my eye. ^^

For some reason, I tried to write some more dialogue in this story... and it didn't fit at all. So that explains the lack of it, hehe!

Dolohov has just fascinated me since writing this piece, and I kind of want to write more about him... I'll have to find out what, though. ^^ Thank you so very, very, very much (as always) and I'll be sure to watch for your own challenge piece!!! xoxoxo

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This was an amazing chapter. Again, you have captured each one of your characters lives, and have given them something beautiful and something real. I loved this very much, I cant believe I haven't read it earlier!

Author's Response: Hello again, dear, it's good to have you on my page again. :)

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A new chapter! (: excellent!
I'm liking the progress of the story, but nothing is really happening of yet for me to comment on.. I was, however interested in the letter to Lily and James about transferring Nicole. She's so hot-headed and immature sometimes :/ She needs to get her head straight - but not through a transfer!
Anyway, another great chapter! Its so good to see you improving so much (: Congrats jess!
Thanks for another sweet read (: love, Mahalia xx

Author's Response: hehe thanks! :) is it weird that i take you telling me she is hot headed and immature as a good thing because now i know im not writing a perfect character!! ;) hehe she eventually calms down, and i know it is kinda slow in this one but i promise that if you keep reading it gets better, :) (i have to admit though it doesnt get to interesting untill book two :{) but im adding more and more foreshadow about book two in here!! :D

thanks for your review they always seem to brighten my day!! :)

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So I saw your status on the forums a while ago and noted in the back of my mind to check it out - finally here I am (:
This was a great opening chapter. You introduced Charlotte really well, which is a must when writing an OC. I had no problems shaping her personality in my mind at all. It made it easy and very readable, which is a really good thing (:
With the start, though, I was feeling that there was a bit too much dialogue. I know its really hard not to start with dialogue, but maybe you could attempt to put in a little more emotions, so readers can really relate to everything straight away?
That said, though, after a few paragraphs you did get descriptive again, when you started talking about the family dinner. I actually really enjoyed reading that part into Charlotte's mind, and I hope to see a little more of that in your future chapters (:
This was truly an amazing start. I find it really hard to read some OC stories, so this was a nice, pleasant surprise. I can't wait to see some of the Slytherin traits come out in Charlotte; your summary has left me really curious as to where this is going (:
Thank you for the read, and I hope to be reviewing the next chapter soon! (:
Mahalia x

Author's Response: Hello Mahalia :)

I'm glad to hear that you had no probelm reading her and figuring her out as a whole! I loved writing her, her sarcasm makes my day ^_^

Thank you so much for the constructive critisim, it means alot! Yeah it is really hard to not start with dialogue, but I like to think that starting it with this particular story, brings Charlotte out more, throws her straight into the readers view so to speak! I wanted to show how she interacted with people, and hopefully show off her attitude in a way. I will take on the advice it's really great hearing it hun :)

Awww yes! I will definitely be getting into Charlotte's mind more, she's too fun to ignore!

Oh and the Slytherin traits will surely be coming out of the closet soon enough ;)

Thanks so much again, for coming by and reviewing, it was a pleasent surprise to say the least!

Lots of love
xoxo

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This was a great opening! Really funny. She actually reminds me of one of my closest friends, which is probably why I can relate to it so well (:
You have a really great writing style that just makes one smile when they read it. Laney sounds like the most adorable character, one you can't help to love. The girl in your graphics I think just suits her completely.
Overall, this is a top job! Great first chapter that couldn't possibly stop anyone from reading the next! Well done!
Mahalia

Author's Response: I am so glad you like Rose and the story! Thank you so very much for the kind review!
ash

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Daisy! Remember me?
I'm actually really sad to see you're not continuing this ): It is absolutely amazingly written and sounds so sad! Blaise is so lovable and I couldn't help but get sucked in by him - he's so gentle. This looks to be promising :(
I don't kno if you still go o here, but I thought I should tell you how gorgeous this first chapter was, and the wonderful graphics - they're grogeous.
(BTW, love the Australian honeymoon ;D)
Love muchly and miss you :(
Mahalia

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amazing writing! your description is really intense and i was totally drawn into it. sarah sounds like a really interesting character--even in your blurb i grew to like her. i hope you have a next installement, because i truly love the way you write and see a lot of potential in it (:

Author's Response: Thank you very much:) I was very unsure when I posted this, because nobody was reviewing, and I'm not too confident in my writing skills yet. But your words are very reassuring, and give me new confidence, thank you:) And you don't have to worry about me not writing any more of this for now. I already have about ten chapters already written out(and ever growing), several of which are in the finished state waiting to be published. I just need to find the time to actually get on the computer that the chapters are on, and upload them;) I really hope you enjoy them all. And I do enjoy writing about sarah. A lot of what she goes through is based an my own persona experiences, so she's easy to write about too. And again, thank you very much:D

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Aw, this was cute! I really loved the whole style to it, especially the repetitive "that smile". It really drew me into the whole story.
I did find it a bit short, but I think that's just because everything else I've read of yours is quite long.
Of course, I love your writing, as always (: I hope you do have more fanfiction popping up for me to read, miss.
Love May xx

Author's Response: It's YOU again. -_-
*jokesjokes* Thanks so much! In retrospect [haha], I feel like I should've embellished this more. Thanks for reviewing, May!

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actually really love where this story is going. Its deep and intense, and the story line is so wicked.. its dark and intense. And you write so lovely! There's a perfect amount of description and dialogue! love it!

Author's Response: Thank you, rozen maiden! :) I hope to read more of your very encouraging feedback in the future. :) Cheers.

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Fantastic ending! You've really captured the inner evil and manipulative spirit of Tom, yet you've almost made him a likable character. I loved it!
There was a lot of dialogue, but it seemed to really fit into the story. Sometimes dialogue can become too much, but this was honeslty really good, and I really enjoyed the character interaction.
Also, you beginning immdiately pulled me into it. The part where he started alking to the Grey Lady was really fantastic work. You made both cahracters stand out.
Excellent one-shot! I hope it was a ice break from writing your epic series ^_^ Hope you're going all right, and I hope I hear from you soon!
Mahalia xx

Author's Response: OH THANK YOU SO MUCH Mahliah!!! :) i was so worried about the dialog, I have a bad habit of putting to much of it in my one shots, this one however was a story based purely on dialog pretty much!! Thanks!!! :) Im was also really worried about hitting Tom Riddle, i kinda wanted to make him seem semi likable because yes this story was to show is charm and likable side because thats how he got what he wanted all threw his teenage years!! I honestly dont know how many times i read the Gray Lady part with Harry in DH and how many times i watched the Tom Riddle and Slughorn parts in HBP to get this right, and it feels great hearing that i got it right!! :)

It was a nice break, i have another one shot for a challenge in the queue then i will be posting chapter six in my series and i have gotten an amazing beta so hopefully it will start clearing up alot!! :) Im so happy you found the time to read this story talk to you soon!!

Jess

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First of all: I love your banner. Its beautiful. Second, this was a beautifully sad and chilling story.
You described Pansys (i like to think it Pansy (: ) fear and pain extremely well - I felt like I was there, with her. And the last line ... It just took my breath away. Throughout the whole story you built up this silent fear of the dementors, and it really drew me into your writing, which was nothing short of amazing.
A great one-shot. Well done
Mahalia xx

Author's Response: Thanks! I quite like the banner, too :)

And I'm really happy to hear that you liked the story. It's my first time writing something that dark, and I'm glad I could make it work :)

Thanks,
- Cathy

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I can't believe I didn't see this update! What I've been meaning to tell you for so long is that you can find banners at the dark arts. You can request banners.. Go on their site and have a little peak around at their forums, particularly the HPFF Requesting Arena. Its all there for you (:
Now, on to the chapter! You can tell Nicole is only young. I find her an open and honest character that is hard not to love. She's very sweet, and Draco seems to really like her, so I was really disappointed when she shrugged him away ): but, it may be for the better :P! I also loved that you've kept snape and sirius in here - that was really clever and a nice twist. Does this mean snape and james have put aside their hate for each other?? And will peter and remus be involved too??
Its amazing seeing your writing improve, I really love it (: its such a nice refreshing read, as always. Update soon jess!
Much love,
Mahalia xx

Author's Response: YES I GOT A BANNER!!! :D and LOVE IT!!! tehe
anyways yes the chapter, Your questions are so hard not to just start spilling out what happens in the rest of the book and the rest of the series just keep looking draco has far from given up on Nicole ;) Remus becomes a lot bigger chacacter in book two and the rest of the series i didnt even think to put peter in though (sorry i hate him lol) as for the whole James Snape Sirius thing, they have very well attempted to put it all aside due to the position and that comes into play in a few more chapters!! I have a one shot in the queue right now and depending on time i might need to send in my challenge before chapter 6, but it will be up asap!!! :)

Thanks for the review i love hearing from you on here

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That part at the end with Lucius and Narcissa was just beautiful! I'm so intrigued now (:
I think you may just need to go over this chapter again and re-edit it, as there were a few spelling mistakes ..
Other than that I absolutely loved it!! Once again your writing is beautifully gripping and very mysterious. Its hard not to fall in love with the Weasleys - you describe each character so gorgeously. I so jealous :P
I cannot wait for an update, merope. Its just beautiful xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much (once again) for your review. I am really thrilled that you like this story so far.
Thanks for pointing that out--I will re-edit all of the chapters when I advance a little more with the story.
Thank you so much for the Weasleys...but you are too kind (blushes). :P
I will try to update as soon as possible.
Thanks again for your lovely reviews,

Merope :)

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I am so glad I found this story (: it really has me hooked. Thank you for this absolutely wonderful read, and when the que reopens I'll be the first looking for an update.
Mahalia xx

Author's Response: Chapter 8 is waiting to be validated and Chapter 9 will be up right after it :) Thank you for all your kind, gracious, and just thoroughly amazing reviews!

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Haha, I feel dumb after my last review now about Cissa :P Great twist! This story is so intriguing! I love Astoria - she's always been my favourite and every Astoria in my own stories has been similar to your own. You've really created a beautiful character and her on her own would keep me interested in reading this story - but its the other characters as well (draco, now Pansy and Narcissa) that have also kept me so interested. You are an amazing amazing writer, let me tell you. Your control of language with so many characters astonishes and captivates me - its just so beautiful. You have a wonderful talent - don't ever stop.

Author's Response: I totally have to go read your stories now! :D Thank you for reviewing again! *gives cookies*

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I really really want to kno why Narcissa hates Astoria so much ... Its so out of character but really really interesting. I am officially in love with this story. Its absolutely magnificent. I've been trying to find a good Draco/Astoria for a while - this one definitely takes the cake (:

Author's Response: You'll see soon enough ;) Thank you for reviewing again! *hug*

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This story is so haunting, and beautiful at the same time. Your writing just flows, and your characters are so real and strong, I can feel every emotion. Just gorgeous

Author's Response: Your reviews make me want to cry xD Thank you so much!

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Hello again (: nice to see an update! Haha.. Sorry I haven't gotten around to emailing you - before Christmas is the most hectic time of the year. I can barely find time to write!
I liked this chapter, but there were a few spelling and grammar mistakes (like 'Slytherin' instead of 'Slytherine' and ''I'm'' instead of ''im'') ... Other than that it was a nice continuation and introduction to the characters. You mentioned all the important and known names like Percy, Goyle, and Blaise, which was a good way to keep readers interested and a way not too make it too confusing. I also liked how nervous yo made her when she went to the sorting - it shows she's not perfect which is a really good trait to keep in a original character.
With the que closure I know I won't be seeing an update, but I hope I'll be able to see one after. Keep it up - you're writing just improves the more you do.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Mahalia x

Author's Response: haha thyanks for the corrections, ill keep that in mind as i continue posting! Goyle and Percy arent seen much more through the entire story, but as the series unfolds blaise is more important then he ever was in the original.

Thanks so much for the input on my original charactor it is so hard to try and fit someone you make up into such an amazing world. There is so many amaziong things i want her to do, so i feel getting deeper into her fears and anxiety may rane her down as a not so perfect being. I sent in my next chapter but i guess it might not be reposted untill the que is reopened.

Im glad you like it so far, as i am working on story three now and two is completed i feel they are just getting better and better and hope you stay around to see the real story and enemies come out that are revieled further on.

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I found this a wonderful story. Just the simple writing style was breathtaking. Blaise's character was so strong, even though the story was short, and I loved it ... Hermione was a little OOC but I honestly don't care - this was an amazing story, so beautiful - down ever stop writing. You have a gorgeous talent that should be shared with the world.
Mahalia xx

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