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Reading Reviews From Member: Houlestar
  
418 Reviews Found

Review #26, by HoulestarAt Great Personal Risk: Unattainable

9th December 2011:
I really like Sirius in this one. I wish you hadn't put in so much summary, but I understand that you wanted to not draw the story out too much.

Author's Response: Yeah, I wanted to keep this short since the challenge was over long before I finished posting it. I hope the summary was at least interesting.

Sirius is interesting here, isn't he? People seem to be fairly divided on how they feel about seeing this other side of him, the "what if" version of his life as a Slytherin and future Death Eater. I'm glad you like him, though :)

Thanks for your kind review!

academica


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Review #27, by HoulestarAt Great Personal Risk: Natural Talents

28th October 2011:
Was the rude Slytherin boy Sirius? Hmm... I don't know if I like him being in Slytherin. Being Gryffindor is key to him I think. But if you're switching Sirius and Regulus, I suppose that'd work too, especially since it fits into your theme.

Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Yes indeed, that was Sirius, good catch! He's definitely a different person than he was in canon, and I hope you'll find that he fits better in Slytherin as I've characterized him here. Regulus doesn't get much of a mention, I'm afraid, but you can kind of think of Sirius as the man he might have become had he stuck to his family's rigid Slytherin ways.

Thanks for another kind review!

academica


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Review #28, by HoulestarAt Great Personal Risk: The First Years' First Test

28th October 2011:
Nice. I like that you put Lily into Hufflepuff and Snape into Ravenclaw. People focus so much on Gryffindor and Slytherin the other houses get lost. Very nice touch. I can't wait to see what you do with it.

Bit of foreshadowing at the end. ooh, must read more.

On a side note, you've got some issues with grammar (especially with dialogue), but nothing that really takes away from reading, so it's not that big a problem, just something you might want to have a beta look over to make it all nice and shiny.

Keep up the good work!
-Houlestar

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the compliment on the House choice! I do agree that Slytherin and Gryffindor tend to get an overshare of attention in fanfiction.

I wish you had been a bit more specific about the grammar issues. I only ask because I've never heard that before, and I'd be interested to see what you mean. I do tend to write a little colloquially from time to time (blame my Southern heritage, I suppose), so maybe that's what you picked up on.

Thanks for another great review!

academica


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Review #29, by HoulestarAt Great Personal Risk: A Little Bit of Chemistry

25th October 2011:
This was a pretty good chapter too. I'm liking the story a lot so far. I think that the swapping of the families is an excellent idea, and you're handling it really well so far.
I positively loved the scene where Severus sees Lily for the first time. Great job on that one! ^_^

No problem! Your review was the most awesome review I've gotten this month.
-Houlestar

Author's Response: Hey! I'm glad you're still enjoying the story. I like being able to swap the families, as it gives Severus a bit of reprieve from canon, and I'm happy that I seem to have done it well. I'm also pleased that you liked the "meet cute", so to speak. I thought it was kind of adorable, too.

Thanks for your kind review!

academica


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Review #30, by HoulestarAt Great Personal Risk: Two Owls

23rd October 2011:
Nice start! I really like how you started off describing the sending out of the letters. Nice touch. I've been eyeing this fic for a while, but haven't gotten round to reading it. I'm intrigued by the concept and I can't wait to see where you go with it.

Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for coming to check out the story (and for the nom at TGS - I'm so flattered!). I'm glad you liked the beginning chapter and I hope the rest of 'em don't disappoint. Thanks again for stopping by! :)

academica


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Review #31, by HoulestarCrumple-Horned Snorkack in the Cellar: Crumple-Horned Snorkack in the Cellar

11th September 2011:
Hello this is Houlestar from the forums with your requested review!

I like Luna a lot, and I really like Malfoy-Manor fics, so I'm really happy that you requested this!

I don't think you have too much description, in fact, I think that you could maybe even have more description and expand on the story even more. You could go into more depth about Luna and her experiences, maybe have a couple memories shown instead of merely told. (Show don't tell is kinda my motto...) Seeing as how this is a fic that isn't plot driven (meaning it's more a snap-shot into a character's POV) you can never have too much description.(Obviously, if you turn this into a 5,000 word one shot or make it not be a one shot, then you should have a plot at that point, or your readers will get annoyed. 2,000 words is my limit for snap-shot fics).

At points, Luna feels a little out of character. I think that if you were to go sit down with some of the books and read a few good Luna scenes, get a feel for how she talks (the words she uses, images/verbal techniques she employs) you'll pull off her POV perfectly. (Luna is such a hard character to write!)

I really would recommend having a beta look over this fic to fix the grammar issues, and some of the flow/mood issues. Sometimes your images really conflict with the mood, and working on word choice (and image choice) would really improve this. You'll be able to create a consist tone and flow.

What you've got here is a good start.
-Houlestar

Author's Response: Thanks, this was really helpful =)

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Review #32, by HoulestarDesire of my soul: Desire of the Soul

11th September 2011:
Interesting. Very intersting. I like this a lot, especially how you've done Lily and explained her decision in a round about way. I think it's a good alternate interpretation.

I would recommend getting a beta, however, to look over the story. You've got a lot of grammar errors and other typographical errors that should really be fixed because as of right now, they are distracting and make the story hard to read (confusing) at times.

I really liked this! < 3

Author's Response: Thank you for your advise. I will get a beta reader and I'm glad you could give me some constructive criticism. :D
I'm also glad you liked the story line. (the characters are all fully formed in my head and to me it makes perfect sense so sry about the confusing parts) Will change it as soon as I get a beta :D
Cheers


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Review #33, by HoulestarIt's All Fun & Games, Until Someone Dies: It's All Fun & Games, Until Someone Dies

10th September 2011:
Hello, It's Houlestar from the forums, here with your review.

I think you've got an interesting story here that could use a bit of work.

You asked me what you could add, and I think you should add more back story, and more of the story. You do a lot of "jumping", and what would work a lot better here would be if you could just let the story flow, tell the whole story instead of jumping from one closely related scene to the next, that should have been connected.

I'm finding that the lack of context and back story and the jumping made it really hard for me to connect with this story. I felt as if the story had no roots, which is important when you're altering canon. In order to pull off a story like this, you really have to make the reader connect with the OC and see the OC integrated into the events. I don't think that with the jumping and lack of much background it's really hard for this story to be successful.

This story is mostly dialogue and not a lot of description, and when it is description (especially with the back story) it's a lot of telling and not showing. I think that adding more description and showing the back story (instead of dumping it all on the reader in one paragraph would make the story a lot better).

I think Percy is a little OOC, but I'm not as familiar with Percy as the other Weasleys, so I'm not extremely confident in my analysis of this point.

My last recommendation is that you have someone take a look at this story to fix the grammar. (Betas can also help with the flow and pace of a story and make really good suggestions!)

You've got an interesting story. Don't be discouraged by this review (I hope that I don't sound too negative, that's not my intention. I'm merely pointing out what could be added, which you asked for...). I think that there are some things that could be added which would strengthen the story and make this story really shine. Hard work and editing will pay off and I think this story would be worth the effort.

-Houlestar

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this! It's really helpful. Personally, it isn't a story that I am all that happy with. I feel as though I should have worked harder on it. I want to fix it though. The point of the challenge though was aone-shot, and I had an idea for a whole story. I didn't plan on being discouraged so don't worry about it. Haha.

As for Percy, he's actually not that bad of a person. He was always kind of aloof to his family, but he did date that girl Penelope. So I'm assuming that he was a nice guy at least to her. There is a lot we don't really know about him. He may be OCC, but I'm not too sure either. Haha.

I'll try my best to provide more back story without giving everything. I do plan on making a prequel story to this. So I have to save some to mystery.

Thanks again. :D


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Review #34, by HoulestarDudley, age seven.: Dudley, age seven.

4th September 2011:
This is Houlestar with your requested review!

This is really good. I really liked it. I thought you characterized the Dursleys very well. It felt like it was straight out of the first book (when you got all of those great Dursley scenes). Dudley seemed just like Dudley, and Vernon was just as nasty... I loved your Petunia (she's a really fun character to write in my opinion).

I just loved the contrast between Harry's injury and Dudley's. Great job with that part. It really shows the Dursley's well.

I'm really impressed with how well you captured the spirit of this family and made this little scene that showed off the entire dynamic of Number 4. Well done!

While the story is awesome (plot wise and characterization), you might want to get a Beta to look over some grammar and typographical errors that can be easily fixed. Otherwise the story was excellent!

Thank you,
Houlestar

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the feedback! I really enjoyed portraying all of the characters :3
Yes, I haven't managed to get a beta yet, but I will do very shortly to try and iron out the errors :)
Thank you again!

- Megan xxx


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Review #35, by HoulestarTear me in Two.: The One where Fred Introduces Fred.

4th September 2011:
Hello, this is Houlestar with the review you requested!

This is a pretty good start to a story. I think that you have really captured Fred here pretty well. The tone feels just about right for an introductory chapter told by Fred. I think that the idea that he kicks out Peeves is hysterical, (hence why I'm making a next-gen exception and reading this).

This is a pretty good prologue of sorts, since it lays out the characters, plot, etc. Personally, I'd prefer a little more showing and a little less telling, especially when it came to setting up the next generation characters and their romances. I think that that part could be conveyed better in another way instead of through Fred's narration.

Overall, this is a pretty good chapter. Your story shows a lot of promise and is very interesting. (There were a few grammar errors, which does happen even if it's been beta'd, so maybe you should have another person look over it).

Thank you,
Houlestar

Author's Response: Hello :)

I know you said you didn't like next gen but I just thought i'd try as it isn't really next gen but it is but it isn't... perhaps I should put this in the Other catergory :/

Yes.. Fred kicked out Peeves. :D Cause he wants to be the trouble making misfit :P mehehe.

I'll take into cosiderration your narration part and mre showing less telling ^_^ I love honesty *inserts heart here*

:O A none next gen fan liked it ^_^ nawww. Thank you xx I'll look over it again shortly :D Thank you though for your wondeful words :D xx


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Review #36, by HoulestarNaked: James and Mary.

1st June 2011:
I'm not sure about how I like this chapter. It's interesting to have another perspective, and it does fit with the overall tone, and I can see the influence of the song. Maybe it's just me, since everything seems fine. *shrugs*

Overall this has been a really good use of the song, and I can see your inspiration came from the song.

Good job!
-Houlestar

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Review #37, by HoulestarNaked: Sirius

1st June 2011:
I like how you've added a dimension that wasn't present in the song -- the male perspective in the relationship -- that still expresses the mood of the song. It's a nice touch.

I actually don't find the chapter confusing at all. I think I like this chapter better than the first, perhaps because it's similar and different at the same time.

Good job!
-Houlestar

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Review #38, by HoulestarNaked: Marlene.

1st June 2011:
Wow, you've really captured the character expressed in the song with Marlene. The mood of the song is definitely shown here, and I can really see the inspiration from "Bad Romance" in your piece here. You've done a great job using the song for this story.

There are a few grammar/typographical errors here, but nothing that make it too hard to read.

I will admit that at times, the narrative and the images/phrases feel a little cliche, but I think that just might be because I finished a course on Dostoevsky *facepalm*.
-Houlestar

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Review #39, by HoulestarAnother Dirty Scar: Feel The Distance

1st June 2011:
I really like this. It's great how you evoke the song via the descriptions, use of similar topics and images. Great work on your part. I can really see how the song influenced the writing of this story, and see how you gained inspiration from it. Excellent job in that respect.

Usually, I'm not a fan of Draco/Anyone, but this story was interesting to say the least, and I like how you're setting everything up. This is a really good first chapter.

I enjoyed reading this and I think you really used the song to it's full advantage.
-Houlestar

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Review #40, by HoulestarButton Up : Age 18, about 10 months after Hogwarts.

1st June 2011:
I really like this chapter and how you worked the song into the story. It's great to see how the song can be used as a feature of the plot, inspiring the whole story. I think that you did well approaching the challenge via this means. I like how you integrated the song lyrics into the dialogue. Really cute.

I'm generally not a reader of next-gen, but from what I've read, this seems like a very original take, and a very cute story in general. I liked that.

And yay (really) foreign wizards! We didn't get enough of them in the series, so I always love seeing them (especially one that doesn't come from America/Europe!).

A couple grammar issues and formatting issues, but nothing that really distracted from the story.

Great job!
-Houlestar

Author's Response: The song actually inspired this entire story. I wanted this girl who was a good dancer and actually just picked out James II to be her counterpart. And they just began to write themselves.

I'm really glad you like it. I was hoping it would come across as a bit original. And I loved writing about an African wizard it was totally fun to do. He just came to me.

I'm just curious to know what the issues are, but I'll be sure to go back and look.

Thank Houlestar!!


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Review #41, by HoulestarThe Real Memory: Christmas Visitors

7th April 2011:
Interesting. Filled with Americanisms, but good so far. Can't wait to see more.

Author's Response: Yes...I know it is...a British friend of mine is bothering me about that.

I'm glad you're enjoying it :)


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Review #42, by HoulestarCurious Happenings at Number Twelve: Visitors and Midnight Wanderings

6th February 2011:
Interesting. i don't feel like you've got Snape's character right... but I can't put my finger on it. (This'll be your 100th review if nobody beat me to it. Congrats!) ^_^

Author's Response: Woo, 100 reviews! Thank you for that. If you decide what it is about Snape's character that you think I should work on, definitely let me know. :)

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Review #43, by HoulestarCurious Happenings at Number Twelve: Headquarters

6th February 2011:
"I am always sirius!" lol. I don't usually read sirius/oc stories, but I thought this looked interesting. It's good so far. You've put in a lot of characters, but they all come across well. Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you. :)

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Review #44, by HoulestarFavors and Perfection: Favors and Perfection

2nd February 2011:
This was a really great one shot, although the bit at the end did seem a bit rushed, you could have developed it a bit more and made it fit into the story better. I loved how you showed the conflicting interpretations of love with both characters. Though it would have been nice to get more of Lily's reactions and given her more of a reason for asking Snape (develop her character a little more).

I had a thought about how to integrate the ending better (because it involves a dramatic change in mood/tone). You could have started it with Snape putting away the memory and remembering it for the last time after they stopped being friends (or whenever you see him taking this memory out), which allows it to be bitter sweet throughout instead of just at the end having a dramatic change. Or you could have used dramatic irony, setting this right before their O.W.Ls so the readers know that this feeling will end very soon.

Those are just my suggestions, but what you have here is really good for a first one-shot. (They're tricky aren't they? Need to get the right balance of everything, develop enough, and keep it short and sweet.) You've got great stuff here. Nicely done!
-Houlestar

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Review #45, by HoulestarThe Emerald Brooch: The Wedding

2nd February 2011:
Oh wow. This was amazing. Lily, Petunia and Severus really felt like kids, which is great. ^_^ I loved it. I think it really summed up Lily and Severus's relationship very well. This story was really good because it was sweet and heart-breaking. Well done! 10/10

Author's Response: Hi there!

I appreciate you taking the time to read and review. I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

Thanks so much!! I'll get to your story very soon (its in my review request queue!)
-schoenemaedchen



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Review #46, by HoulestarThe Twentieth Year: Four Months

31st January 2011:
This is so great! I can't wait for more. I think you've got their characters down and their reactions/actions were nicely done.

Author's Response: thank you! what a lovely review :) thanks for reading!

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Review #47, by HoulestarThe Half-Blood Prince and the Muggleborn: Chapter 15-Do You Want It To Be?

30th January 2011:
Yay! Great dream sequence. I love how both of them were having it. ^_^ This is getting really, really good, and I keep on wanting more. I can't wait for your next update.
There are a few errors (like a " where it shouldn't be and capitalization) but it didn't take away at all from the reading of the awesomeness.
I love how Harry was doing the cooking. My dad actually cooks better than my mom, so it's not super weird for me to see a man cooking.
Seinfeld reference for the win.
Great work with this chapter!
-Houlestar

Author's Response: Glad you're enjoying it! Sorry for the wait, but I did finally update! :)

Oops! I try to catch those typos, but they have a sneaky habit of slipping through! Thanks for picking up on them!

I think part of my reasoning for putting Harry into that scene was to break stereotypes. Plus, hero of the Wizarding World AND amazing chef? What more to love! :D

Thanks for leaving the lovely review!!


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Review #48, by HoulestarPulling Strings: Adagio for Strings

13th January 2011:
I like this a lot! You've captured the characters really well while adding your own spin on things. Nice very nice.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

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Review #49, by HoulestarDear Severus: Resentment and Fear

13th January 2011:
Interesting. Very interesting. I can't wait to see where you take this.

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #50, by HoulestarDear Severus: School Divided

13th January 2011:
This story is really moving along. I like how you write Lily.

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

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