Reading Reviews From Member: Erised
  
286 Reviews Found

Review #26, by ErisedWhere The Dust Blows: The Knock On The Door

24th August 2013:
Hi Nadia! I thought I'd come and review this as an AU Neville story sounds so interesting!

Well, I thought this was FAB. Seriously. You set the scene so well with creating the 'legend' around Neville and comparing him to Voldemort - woah! It really makes me wonder what the hell happened to him to make him so bad.

I really liked your descriptions too and how they really added to the picture so that I could imagine exactly where Neville was and what his surroundings were like. It seems so dirty and horrible, and exactly what you'd expect of a criminal or whatever Neville's done.

I also think that you hinted towards the rest of the story really well here. There were little pieces of information, like his thinking about 'that day' again and mentioning the Battle of Hogwarts and condemning people, that made me wonder what exactly happened and it makes me really intrigued for the next chapter.

I think my favourite part was the bit where Neville finds his old Gryffindor jumper and then just rips a piece of it off to use as a rag. That symbolises a lot of things all at once and really cements his character as very different from what all of us readers know. It shows that he's truly abandoned his old life and doesn't care for anything about his past or the wizarding world any more. I really loved that part!

I think you've done an amazing job here Nadia, and I can't wait for the next chapter to be up! Please let me know when it is! *hugs*

Author's Response: Hey Jenny! I'm joyed that you found the idea for the summary different and decided to check this out! I've been meaning to find an excuse to read your Lily/Scorpius story, so I can't wait to return the awesomeness!

*gushes* I'm so glad you found that entire setting well written, again, I'm terrible at description - I had to work on it tons in this.

Yes, I always wanted him living in a dirty place. And, it's not dirty because Neville doesn't care for it, he does(it's the only thing that takes his mind of certain other things...) but t's dirty just because that's how the place is. It's an old house and Neville will not use magic to fix it. There's a reason he lives there though...

Haha yes, I'm trying to be all foreshadowey and hint towards that stuff.. I wonder if you guys can solve it before we reach the end :P You'll need to be in a couple more chapters though, of course.

I can't believe everyone got that! I half assumed people would skip over it, but you've grasped the meaning beautifully. He just doesn't care - he wants to forget. 22 years though and the whole "forgetting" thing is not going well.

*hugs back* Thank you, I'll let you know for sure!

I'm so glad you liked this, I was worried no one would!
This was a FAB review Jenny!!
:)


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Review #27, by ErisedHiding In Front of You: Hiding In Front of You

22nd August 2013:
Hi Lily! :)

This was a really nice one shot to read! I think what I enjoyed most about this was the pure love that Frank and in particular Alice had for Neville throughout the entire story. It really put them on the same level as Lily and James Potter in that sense, and you made it clear that they would do anything for their son which was really nice to read.

I also really enjoyed all of the little details that you included in here which really brought the story to life, like the little red birds and the gigantic teddy bear. They made me giggle and were nice little touches that you would probably see in a wizarding boy's childhood, and so added a level of authenticity to the story.

I'm really glad you added in the parts about talking about Neville's future because they once again really lift the story! I think Alice's fear for him makes her even stronger as a character and a mother and it really highlights the constant fear that they lived in during the First Wizarding War. I really enjoyed those bits!

And lastly the part with the scary man and Voldemort were really well written. I loved how Neville didn't really notice who he was at the window and so didn't treat him any differently - a child's innocence is really something. Also I liked that he passed over their house because it makes the story seem like a missing moment on that fateful night.

I really enjoyed this! Well done! :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I'm glad you enjoyed it. At times I didn't think I'd get to finish it because the words were just not there.

It was fun writing about the accidental magic that Neville was doing as a toddler. :)

This story came from a thought about what if Voldemort didn't only choose Harry but Neville was more protected that fateful night. A thought that came when I realized that it was the combined efforts of Harry and Neville that brought about the defeat of Voldemort.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #28, by ErisedReason to Fight: Prologue

16th August 2013:
Hi Val! I'm so pleased I've been paired with you for the review exchange because I haven't read anything of yours before and clearly I have been missing out. This is the type of story I love to read on the archive and so of course I adored it!

So firstly, I've just GOT to talk about your style for this chapter and this fic as a whole. It's so perfect for it that I can't really write coherently my praise. Your almost descriptive but snappy style means that as a reader we get little snapshots of each character which give us just enough information about them that's needed before moving on to the next.

You fleshed out all of the characters so well with just a few words and honestly it amazes me how well you did it. I felt that each character had their own separate identity from the others and they were suitably different so that you couldn't be confused by any of them. I also really liked how you've hinted to deeper, darker things for each one happening but haven't gone into detail just yet. It leaves me very intrigued as to what's going to happen next and how it will affect the group dynamic.

As a group they work very well. As I mentioned before their different personalities make them harmonise very well because none of them are too similar, and Johanna's concern for Simon was very touching and well written. I really feel for them because it's such a delicate situation and I also think you wrote his deportation very well as it can often be a sensitive and upsetting subject.

I also enjoyed the more clinical and cold aspect to the story which all of the group have towards life and death. It really made them all much more multi-dimensional as characters and as I reader I really felt for them too, because that's just no way to live. Their lives seem so bleak which you describe perfectly through their actions and your descriptive sentences.

I just cannot get over how perfect this first chapter was! It has got to be one of the best I've ever read. You have done such an amazing job here and I am so so excited to read and review the rest of this.

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Review #29, by ErisedDear Al: Hogsmeade

9th August 2013:
Hi again Adi! *hugs*

So I'm back to review this third chapter and I can safely say that I love it just as much as the others, if not more. We're well into the storyline now and so the plot has become more developed which is awesome to see. I can also see the beginnings of future plotlines too like how Lily and James fall in love which I am so excited to read!

Honestly, you are just SO good with feelings and emotions here. As it's written from Snape's point of view and we all know what happened to him and Lily it's so lovely to see how much he cared for her and as I mentioned before how devastated he would have been when she died even though they weren't friends anymore. That really comes across in this chapter as much as the others and it is really true love for him! This line in particular made me smile - "He watched her, as a feeling of security washed over him. He loved how comfortable they were with each other." - it just gives me the warm fuzzies to see just how much Lily means to him and also how she's his one true friend. To have Lily as his ray of light in his otherwise unhappy life is something you express so well in your writing.

I also thought that the conflicted emotions that Snape has about his interest in the Dark Arts and Lily was also really well done too. It's not something we're used to seeing in canon and so I thought that him choosing to go to The Three Broomsticks rather than the Dark Arts place first was a very good way of showing where his loyalties still lie for the moment. It'll be interesting to see the change in his behaviour in future chapters! Also I liked the little bit of banter between Avery and Snape too - Avery came across as very much a Slytherin but also very much a kid too - what I mean by this is not overly evil and still interested in things like Honeydukes. I'm not sure I've explained that very well but I'm glad you didn't write them as their adult selves too much!

I think my favourite line from the entire chapter was when Lily declares that she wishes she was in Ravenclaw, and Snape asks "Why not Slytherin?". Lily's response really just speaks volumes about the tiny invisible line between their friendship and really highlighted how fundamentally different people they are. I feel that it was a tiny exchange that said a lot with very few words! Loved it!

I can't wait for the next chapter to come out Adi because I have enjoyed this story so much so far! Keep writing and AWESOME job so far! :)

Jenny :)

Author's Response: JENNY! :D
I'm so happy to see another one from you!

Your reviews make my cheeks hurt from smiling too much, but I wouldn't worry about that one bit!

The story has certainly begun to take shape here. And it where I tried to introduce James into the story properly, so that the early dynamics between the three of them show clearly.

It makes me incredibly happy to hear that you think I'm great with emotions. It's such an important part of any story and to have managed to do that well, is something that makes me both pleased and relived. Lily is Snape's everything. He would do anything in the world for her. but at this point, I think that Lily is still quite unaware of his emotions, and this is what makes their relationship so innocent. I lobe the unrelenting love that Snape feel for her. She is indeed very lucky.

I also believe that turning to the Dark Arts wouldn't have happened overnight. Snape would certainly have had the tendency from before. When and how he chooses to act on it is a completely different matter. However, no matter what, Snape would always place everything over and above Lily. And I was trying to show this in an indirect way. I wanted to make it more interpretive and symbolic, rather than just laying it out there. I'm glad you picked up on that appreciated it!

And funnily enough, I did understand what you meant by that bit about still portraying them as children! It's endearing in a way to think that they are like everyone else, in a way.

Haha! :) I sort of like that line as well. It really highlights the difference in their personalities, something I've been hinting at since the very beginning.

I know I've been promising an update, and it's lying in a folder waiting to be uploaded. but I would like to add another chapter or two before that. I'll make it as quick as I can :)
Thanks again for another amazing review! :D


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Review #30, by ErisedDear Al: Park Swings and Chaste Kisses

6th August 2013:
Hi again Adi, back for more!

Okay, my first reaction: OMG THE FEELS! Ughhh. You have managed to pack so much emotion in to this chapter and I just don't know whether to cry for poor Snape or go and hug Lily about Petunia! Although Snape has that covered it seems. ;)

So I'll start with Lily. I felt that you managed to capture all the conflicting emotions that Lily would have felt really well here - her excitement and nervousness about Hogwarts, feeling guilty about seeing Severus when Petunia was around, and of course underlying this the fierce loyalty that she feels towards her sister and then ensuing heartbreak at her rejection. It's a lot of things for one eleven year old to feel but with just a few lines you really put across exactly what she was feeling. I also liked how at the station she was quite civil to James rather than when most stories having them hate each other from birth or something. I think after only knowing him a year she would just find him quite annoying rather than any hatred, so that was a good idea.

Now onto Snape. Well you have me completely and utterly on his side and I wish James/Lily never happened. :P You write his young character so well and I just really feel for him. He seems so hopeful and clearly loves Lily even from that age. It makes it even more believable when the canon events happen and that Snape's life basically ends when Lily dies. It's just so sad and he is so cute that I can't help but pity him. :(

And the cute little kiss! Awww. It was just so sweet to add that little moment between the two of them and it wasn't too full on either considering they're both still young. It also managed to open up a lot of opportunity until you killed me with the line, "That was the only kiss Severus Snape ever got from Lily Evans." Why why why! It's just so heartbreaking. :(

I think you did a really good job of describing little details like the sun catching Lily's hair and with the cherrry blossoms as the setting. It really added to the whole thing and made the chapter much more realistic because you could imagine where they were. Perhaps even more description of the settings and things for instance the busy station wouldn't go amiss, but it's awesome just the way it is!

Another great chapter Adi, I can't wait to read the next! :)

Jenny

Author's Response: Jenny! I responded to this review first, today... and my response seems to have disappeared, which is quite dis-heartening. I'd gushed a lot about another amazing review. As you know, I love anything you have to say! You leave perfect reviews! :)

I'll have another go and giving you a proper reply. You deserve it.

I love it when you complement the characterization, because it is a really important part of any story, and to know that I've gotten it right is HUGE! :)

I'm really happy to hear that you think I've conveyed the multitude of emotions that Lily feels at this juncture, well. While Snape gives her the kind of understanding company that she loves and needs, she cannot derive complete pleasure from it without Petunia's approval. Having a sibling really teaches you how to look at things in these cases. I definitely think that Petunia's approval would mean a lot to Lily.

I'm a huge Jily shipper, and I must say, I don't think she feel genuine hatred for him. Just a strong degree of annoyance, which comes out when provoked. Also, this annoyance isn't something that she has from the beginning. It's something that gradually develops.

As I said, I adore Jily. I'm such a canon compliant freak! But writing it from Snape's point of view has really given me a whole new take on things. I love that you think I've written him well! :) And I completely love how you've put that bit about his life ending with Lily's death. Though it does sort of give him a purpose to go on.

Haha, I had a feeling that that line would elicit that kind of a response! But I was going for the heart-breaking feel. I'm sorry. Somethings have to be done!

Thank you so much for appreciating the imagery, setting and symbolism. And I think you have a good point with the King's Cross scene. I was planning to add in another scene in this chapter. So when I get around to editing it, I'll certainly look into that!

Thank you once again for this absolutely lovely review :D You're amazing, Jenny. And I suspect you're spoiling me!

Thanks again!


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Review #31, by ErisedYou. (Me).: You. (Me).

3rd August 2013:
Hi Sian! As an avid fan of your writing and of you in general I decided to stop by and take a look at your new one shot! :)

I believe that when well done, a 500 word piece can be exactly right and what you've done here is perfect and it couldn't be a sentence longer without ruining the balance. I absolutely adored the way you started off with such a whimsical approach, like everything was well and happy, and then it gradually got darker and darker until you revealed the characters it was about. Shivers!

And as for the characters, well it had to be Victoire and Teddy didn't it? I couldn't imagine any other character being in their place. I liked how you made Victoire sound a little ungrateful for the 'gifts' she's been bestowed, but I could totally understand why she hated it and I could relate to her more as a character. I suppose she really is a shell. You almost make her sound like she has some sort of eating disorder, and the ambiguity of it all leaves the interpretation of Victoire to be very much up to the reader.

As for Teddy, I just felt for him the entire time. Not being able to be with the girl he loves because of her own self-confidence is just heartbreaking. His own self loathing was nicely reflected too with little snippets like "my unworthy eyes" reflecting how they are actually very similar in personality and are probably perfect for each other. Gah :( I was reminded slightly of old fairy tales with their original, darker endings than the children's versions we hear today with how teddy couldn't have Victoire.

And, well, THE WRITING. Goodness you've done well here. You created a beautifully ethereal feel for the piece which just worked perfectly with the tone of the story. I loved it. It was just so light and every single descriptive word just seemed to be perfectly in place. How many more times can I say 'I loved it' before it gets boring?! Haha. Because I honestly did! The execution was excellent and the flow and pacing of the whole thing were just wonderfully done.

Well done Sian, it was just perfect :)

Author's Response: How do I even respond to this review? I'm sending you lots of virtual hugs right now because this completely made my day, Jenny!

I've wanted to write a piece for the Every Word Counts challenge for so long, and I'm so happy that you liked this!

Victoire and Teddy seemed to fit perfectly for me, with the tale of Narcissus and Echo as the inspiration. I was a little worried that people wouldn't be able to understand her feelings about the 'gifts' she's been given, but she thinks that nobody can see past the mask of her beauty. I wanted to leave everything a bit ambiguous so that the reader can make their own decisions about Victoire.

You are so perceptive! You've somehow managed to pick up on almost everything I was trying to do when I wrote this, and that makes me incredibly happy! Teddy and Victoire are one of the couples I can always see together so I wanted it to seem like they matched - they just can't be together in this.

I don't even know what to say anymore because this review is turning me into a pile of mush. But thank you so, so much for this fantastic review!! ♥

Sian :D


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Review #32, by ErisedDear Al: Prologue

3rd August 2013:
Hellooo! :)

So this is a good start to what I can tell is going to be some sort of heartbreaking, gut-wrenching kind of Severus Snape fic. I always feel so sorry for him and reading this hasn't helped! ;)

I enjoyed the prologue and how you fleshed out Harry as a character. Making him kind of contradictory - for instance with the Firewhiskey enticing him and repelling him - made him much more realistic as a character and it's also nice to see a version of Harry that isn't so straight-edge and bland. I liked the small part about Albus and Rose too - you characterised Rose as I would imagine her to be, what with the training wand (great idea) and books! Poor Albus too with his worries - I liked how you described him as sad when nobody was looking.

As for Spinner's End, I thought you did a good job of describing it and it meant that I could imagine its dilapidated state very well. I also liked that you wrote about the 'dark aura' around it even though Snape was okay in the end - it's a great reminder of the things he did as an undercover Death Eater.

The diary and Lily's letter made me smile, a lot. Plus the bit where you described the photo and how Severus was smiling out of pure happiness just made my heart go out to him! Poor Snape :( Even though he had known some hardship in his young life he had Lily, and you alluded to their close friendship very well. Also I can completely understand Harry for leaving the diary unopened for years as it's so personal - that dilemma of whether to open it or not came across very well. Lastly, I loved the last line - it just summed everything about Snape up so nicely and makes me want to read more.

One thing I would suggest is getting someone to do a quick beta of this, as I noticed a couple of uncapitalised names when there needed to be a capital and a couple of mixed up words. (I would be happy to do this if you want to PM me!) Other than this the structure and flow of the piece was very good.

Overall I think this was a very good and intriguing first start to what I'm sure is a very good story! Well done!

Author's Response: Hi there! :)

I sat and stared at the screen for five whole minutes before responding to this. I just love this review so much, and I doubt that any reply of mine could do much justice, but I'll try.

It means a lot to me that you went into every detail and dissected the story, from your angle. it makes your review so much more valuable. I'm really touched that you took the time to do that :)

When I read post-Hogwarts or NextGen, Harry's character usually isn't given any other dimension apart from humility and heroism, apart from everything that's already in the book. I've always admired JKR for how she wrote Harry. He was flawed in many ways. Never immune to jealousy or irrational bouts of anger. She made him very much human. Whenever I write about a character, the first think I look to do, is make them as realistic and believable as I can. I'm so glad that you liked how I've described him here! :)

About Rose... Well, Rose/Scorpius is possibly my favourite pairing, so I've written a lot about Rose Weasley. And I've often thought of her like this. It's always seemed as if she, like her mother, would try to learn as much as she possibly could about Hogwarts and magic before actually getting there.

Al's fears are something that, like any other child of his age, he probably wishes to hide. However, as the time to leave draws nearer, I believe that his thoughts about the sorting are more and more frequent. Hence, the lonely, sad moments.

This chapter was very heavy, for me to write, because it took a lot of my focused attention. I was trying to think of how Spinner's End would be, and I kept trying to visualize whatever I was writing at each stage. I'm happy that you think I've done a good job describing the place. Snape did go to the moon and back for Lily, and eventually Harry, and I think Spinner's End is very symbolic of a lot of things, including his inherent darkness.

Snape feels very unfulfilled at times. I sometimes think, that if there ever was a time where he was truly and genuinely happy, it'd have to be when he had Lily. I feel quite sorry for him too, actually :( After everything he went through. Every time I open the book, and go back to that chapter, I feel myself tearing up. Especially at the- 'Always.'

I know that there are some errors. I will probably go through it once and try to fix it up, if I ever need any help, I'll be sure to shoot a PM your way!

Your review has made my day... No, my week. Thank you SO much :) I really REALLY appreciate it ♥



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Review #33, by ErisedSeverus Snape: The Mind is not a Book

2nd August 2013:
Hello! :)

I thought this was a great little fic! Severus is such a complex character to write so I think you did an awesome job of it. You seemed to capture the tumultuous change during this time of his life very well and how his priorities had changed, even though he still loved Lily.

The interactions between Severus and Lily were good but could have done with Snape being even meaner to Lily in my opinion. A little more emotion would really elevate the scene. However it definitely got the message across well enough and I felt really sorry for Lily by the end of their argument.

The ending is what really got me though and it was my favourite part. I feel that you perfectly captured the conflicted emotions that Snape feels towards Harry, especially by saying that he was the balance between his "best friend and his tormentor" - it just perfectly described it and my heart just went out to him. It was really genuinely sad :(

This was a very nicely written one shot and I think you did an excellent job with Snape's character! Well done! :)

Author's Response: Oh my goodness thank you! :) I liked the complex nature of Snape. I almost made him more cruel toward Lily but Snape wouldn't over-kill it just for Bellatrix to watch. I liked how his heart didn't seem to be in the fight because he is not skilled yet at keeping his appearance up. Thank you again for all the amazing feedback!
XOXOXO,
LLG


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Review #34, by ErisedDivided: The Tale of the Hogwarts Founders: Chapter I

2nd August 2013:
Hi there!

So, I never get to read enough Founders stories and this was an absolute treat. It's an era that definitely needs expanding on!

I think you did a truly wonderful job with this. Rowena as a a character was well developed and I could instantly bring her to mind with the details you chose to include about her. I think she reflects the Ravenclaw house very well with her wise comments and astute awareness of what's going on around her. I especially loved when she called Lord Rendwald out on his cowardice costing the King's life and bringing more raids - she is a woman who knows what she's talking about and is not to be crossed! I hope she doesn't settle for anything less than the person she loves.

And, on that topic, I loved Rowena's unrequited love for Salazar. It makes her much more relatable as a character and I really felt for her too! I hope Salazar sees her true affections soon and realises his own. It really makes me wonder what's going to happen next with them!

I thought you used description very well in this opening chapter to set the scene. I could instantly imagine the cold and starkness of the Ravenclaw castle in comparison to Helga's comfortable and modest home... perhaps similar to what the Hufflepuff common room is like! The dynamics between the four founders is very good here too and you set up a nice and believable back story for them all. I think I liked Helga the most as she seems the most welcoming and friendly of the four.

I'm a bit of a history geek so I think that's another reason why I adore Founders era - it's all castles and knights and dragons which you wrote very well! You stuck to the 10th century very well throughout this and I didn't once think anyone was too contemporary (except perhaps the exotic spices - where would they get them from?). There was something very Shakespearean about having Rowena climb down the side of the castle and into Salazar's arms!

On the whole I thought this was an excellent first chapter and I cannot help but feel intrigued as to what happens next in the story. I will hopefully find the time to review again soon! Well done! :)

Author's Response: Thank you!! I'm so glad you liked the characterisation of Rowena in this. For some reason, the idea of unrequited love seemed to fit really well with the very little we know of her character, so I just went with it!

I'm glad the rest of the Founders seemed realistic too. And yeah Hufflepuff house is known for being the one that welcomes everyone, so I figured Helga would exemplify that.

I love history too and so I try to keep this as historically accurate as possible - which is difficult for the 10th century! As for the exotic spices... Hadn't thought about that actually, but here's my explanation: their definition of "exotic" is different to what we would call that today, so the spices are just from Rome or something. :P

I'm so happy you enjoyed this chapter - Thanks for such a lovely and thoughtful review! ♥


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Review #35, by ErisedCloseted Desires: Chapter 1.

2nd August 2013:
Hi Tara! I thought I'd come and check out some of your work and this lovely James/Lily one shot was calling my name!

Although the love-to-hate storyline is not to everyone's tastes, I consider it one of my guilty pleasures. I loved the start and how you had James imagining his perfect reality and his train of thought is so funny! I enjoyed how he kept jumping ahead of himself and the shrt sentences you used to express that. I also really like how arrogant he actually is and how blind he is to that too - by saying how confident he was that Lily would be his girlfriend at the year just proved everyone's point! However the flashes of humility really made a difference and brought his character to life. Throughout the whole story I enjoyed his inner monologue and how he dealt with being with Lily in such a situation.

The situation itself is a little typical but you wrote it really well. I laughed at the line, "This door is going to stay magically locked until you both snog each other" because I could just see the smirk on Sirius' face and hear the smugness in his voice when he said that! Plus there's something just so childish about it that you can't help but love. As for Lily, I enjoyed her character too. I think that Lily's change from annoyance to acceptance could have been drawn out a little bit longer, but I thought James' speech in the broom closet was very sweet and I'm not surprised Lily fell for him!

I loved the ending! It was so sweet and after feeling genuinely sorry for James it was such a happy ending. I love a bit of fluff! All the capitals are completely justified considering his reaction, haha. The piece was well structured and your focus on characterisation meant that there was a lot of emotion in the story. One thing I would focus on is a little more description of things like the setting just so the reader can imagine even more the situation that they're in.

On the whole it was a lovely little snapshot of Lily and James' relationship and I think you did a really good job! Nice work Tara! :D

Author's Response: Hi Jenny! First of all, thank you for your stupendously long review, it was an absolute pleasure to read (and quite a nice surprise too) :D

I have to agree with you there - I'm a sucker for the love-to-hate storyline as well! I'm even more pleased you think I've pulled it off, so thank you :D

I really enjoyed writing James for that reason - his arrogance makes him so unintentionally funny! But since Lily eventually falls for James, I wanted to make sure he did show a serious side as well. She wouldn't be falling for the arrogant and conceited prat in the first place :P

Yes I thought the situation was a little typical but I'm glad you liked my spin on it! Oh course Sirius would be the one to lock them in the broom closet - like you said, it's such a childish yet completely plausible thing for him to do!

I tried thinking of ways to draw out Lily's acceptance of James but none really came to mind. For now I'm just going to say that she was finally overwhelmed by the Potter charm and hence fell for him :P But I do understand what you mean about Lily falling for James too quickly - it was something I feared when writing this one-shot.

Ah yes, I'm a sucker for happy endings so of course James was going to get his. I would have felt bad for him if he didn't end up getting Lily after his speech!

I'll keep in mind your comments about description and I'll try working on it in my future work!

Thank you SO MUCH for all the CC and feedback Jenny, I really appreciate it! :D


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Review #36, by ErisedAncient Wonder: Ancient Wonder

24th July 2013:
Lauren! How I haven't reviewed this yet is beyond me but I'm here now! :)

I thought this was a lovely entry for the House Cup! What immediately jumped out at me was how well you described the settings. It was easy to imagine the three exactly where they were even though I've never been to Italy. You even went into detail with things like 'the cool metal of the container', which really brought the whole thing to life and it felt as if you were standing right next to them experiencing the same thing. Devil's in the detail!

I really like Lily, Alice and Ivy too. They each had their own established personalities but also worked together well as a group - Lily as the leader of sorts, Alice the complainer and Ivy as the laid back type. They all worked really well together and it was nice to see how much they cared for each other as friends too.

Can I also say that your attention to detail with the historical knowledge of Italy was also excellent? It added an extra layer of authenticity to the whole story and it was just perfectly done - not too much or too little of it. Fun fact - the Colosseum, a public monument, was built on Nero's private lake... maybe that's how they got the water in!

Great entry Lauren, I loved reading it!

Jenny :)

Author's Response: Hi Jenny!

Thank so much for stopping by to read this!

I'm glad the descriptions worked well. I've recently been to Rome myself which is where the inspiration for this came really.

I'm so happy you like the three girls! I kind of used this story as a test run of sorts and so to know you liked them makes me so happy!

As I said earlier - I've recently been to Italy and was amazed by all the fun facts I learnt so it was fun finding ways to weave them into the story. I didn't actually know that fact! Maybe I could try and add it...

Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving such a lovely review! I appreciate it!

Lauren :)


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Review #37, by ErisedThe Homecoming of Rose Weasley: And what an adventure it was

24th July 2013:
Hi Gilly! I can't believe I hadn't left a review on this yet so here I am! :)

I thought that this was a very interesting way to simultaneously present Rose as a different characterisation from the norm as well as perfectly fitting in the theme of travel. It was great to Rose so vulnerable and frightened of seeing her own family, and as a reader you feel so sorry for her.

Her travels made me wish I was her! Haha. I loved the pretentiousness of her reading Plato and wishing somebody would ask her about it! It suits her perfectly ;) you made her travels come alive with the way you described them and I could imagine them as if I was there. It was the perfect little snapshot of her travels!

I thought the relationship between Charlie and Rose was really sweet too - it was clear that he cared for her as if she were his own daughter. It's great of you to choose Charlie as the 'favourite uncle' because he never gets enough love in stories and would definitely be the fun one in the family! As for the end with the emotional reunion, well that pulled at my heartstrings completely! It was just so lovely to see the family bonds overcome the fact that Rose had been gone. It was just such a great ending!

This is a great entry Gilly!

Jenny :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing Jenny!

I have to admit that some of Rose's characterstics are based on people I know/ myself (pretentious reading? pfft, not me)

Also, I'm familiar with the Homecoming terror having experienced it myself, so I'm glad you liked that part.

Charlie has always been my favourite Weasley so I really wanted to write him- I also felt like he'd understand the troubes Rose would have in going home.

Thanks so much for your review! :)

~Gilly


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Review #38, by ErisedBeneath The Surface.: Prologue.

18th July 2013:
This was a very nice beginning to what I can tell is going to be a very intriguing story! I found the premise very interesting and in this prologue I felt that you set up the story very nicely for the rest of the events to unfold.

Teddy and Victoire were reasonably well fleshed out in this, Teddy more so in my opinion because it focused on him more. He seemed so sweet and like such a gentlemen (apart from the whole six months thing!) and seemed to really care for Victoire which came across very clearly with your writing! I thought Victoire was being a tiny bit overdramatic for rushing out and leaving over something really quite minor, but hey. She had her reasons right? And what did she want to tell him? It's such a cliffhanger and I've been trying to work it out to no avail!

Knowing that Victoire will disappear and reading this chapter was really heartbreaking! Considering he wanted to propose and you made it very clear that he was totally in love with her, it actually makes me a little angry at Victoire for taking it completely the wrong way and overreacting, haha. If anything in terms of description there could have been a little more just so that I could imagine the setting more clearly as a reader, but it didn't really detract from it on the whole.

Nice start!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! I've been away for a long time for various reasons, but I'm back now and I'll be updating soon! I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and I'll definitely try and work on descriptions a bit more so thanks for the advice! Once again, thanks for the review and I hope you continue to read and enjoy. :)

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Review #39, by ErisedThis Time Around: (Fate or destiny, or something similar)

18th July 2013:
Bless poor Teddy in this! He just can't seem to catch a break when it comes to love. That aside I really enjoyed reading this and I thought it was written and structured in a very intriguing way which I haven't really seen before. I really liked it and felt that it worked well for the piece - it was almost disjointed but worked perfectly as you were jumping around chronologically.

'You could say they were made for one another, but you could as easily say they weren't. Either way, you wouldn't be quite right.' - I especially loved this line because it was such an interesting and unique way to describe their relationship and it also said so much more than what was implied. It summed up their relationship perfectly. Throughout the whole thing really I think you managed to achieve greatness by saying a lot with very few words, which is hard to do at the best of times - it seems to come naturally to you!

I also liked how Teddy was a different characterisation to what you usually see in these kind of fics - he seems a lot more multi-dimensional and even a bit of a 'loser' perhaps. As you said, losing two girls is just careless! To see him in a more negative light though was refreshing. As a reader I also felt quite sorry for him at the same time and hoped his luck would change.

Great work!

Author's Response: Jenny. Thank you so much for your lovely review! I love that you loved this, as I was unsure whether people would appreciate what I was trying to do here. I'm glad you understood what I was going for with Teddy - he's too often seen as the golden boy in fanfic, and it's far more fun to write him as someone who never manages to live up to that. You're far too kind about my writing here, and I know I'm replying 11 months late but I want to thank you for this review. It still puts a smile on my face.

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Review #40, by ErisedHappy Parent's Day, Teddy: Happy Parent's Day, Teddy

18th July 2013:
This was such an emotional piece and let me tell you I definitely found myself welling up at the end! This hit me right in the feels :( you did such a wonderful job of painting Teddy's life as an orphan and his childlike naivety and innocence which his grandmother and the other parents can't understand, and it was really lovely to read. I thought he also had a nice relationship with his grandmother too, because she clearly wanted to protect him from the others and loves him very much. Typical Teddy though being so brave and taking after his parents in that way!

The final part is what really got me. I mean, how emotional did you want to make it?! Haha. Perhaps a little more backstory as to why he was in hospital and a little more development with the description would be good in this section, but the point is that it was truly emotional and you pulled it off to very good effect. As a reader I found myself hoping that Teddy would get better and I wish I knew what was going to happen to him because poor pregnant Victoire if he doesn't survive! :(

On the whole I was really impressed by the emotional impact that you made with quite a short piece. It shows your skill as a writer and your ability to create a situation that is truly dramatic and full of emotion.

Great work :)

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Review #41, by ErisedIn The Light Of Fireflies: In The Light Of Fireflies

18th July 2013:
Goodness, I absolutely adored reading this! This is one of the best one-shots I've read in ages! At the beginning you created a really elegant yet sensual scene for Teddy and Victoire and you really got across their passion for one another and how much they cared for each other. As a romance story it was spot on with how much detail you included but also made other things more subtle like the physical side of it. Perfect balance there so well done :) and the proposal at the end with the transformed firely was the cutest thing I have ever seen! It was just perfect!

Your descriptions are in my opinion what really make this piece special. They really bring the whole thing to life and I could imagine so clearly exactly what was happening at every step of the way. You also made it sound so dreamy and beautiful at the same time, and so romantic. The field setting was lovely too, very intimate and perfect for just the two of them.

If I have one criticism it's that some of Teddy's dialogue was a little stilted and didn't sound very natural. Other than that I think you have done an excellent job with this story and have really done the plot and yourself justice. It is truly excellent and I have really enjoyed reading it!

Great work!

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Review #42, by ErisedWhat's in a Name?: What's in a Name?

18th July 2013:
Wow. This was really beautiful, really. You have a lovely way of words and the tone was just perfect for this piece. I felt as if I was standing right next to Victoire or inside her head, hearing her monologue. The first paragraph in particular was so well written and extremely effective in reeling in my interest and I found that after those few simple lines I was hooked.

I loved the dynamic between Teddy and Victoire - the fact that Victoire was so fragile and needed him in a way came across very clearly and was really lovely to read. I thought Teddy came across very well as a pillar of stability for Victoire, and her memories of him were done so well.

Your descriptive parts are absolutely perfect and really lift the piece on the whole so that I could imagine everything so clearly. I really liked the beach setting too - it gave a sense of isolation and loneliness that Victoire seems to give off at the beginning of the story. Of course, by the end it is feeling a lot more positive and as a reader it's a very uplifting ending with the promise of change.

I really enjoyed this and I think you have done a really great job in writing a Teddy/Victoire that was emotional but not too gushy.

Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review! I've been staring at it for ages just thinking of how nice it is. I'm really pleased you enjoyed this piece, it was one of those stories that I was uncertain of publishing on this site. Mostly because I don't write much romance to begin with nor do i write about characters that are fairly popular on the site. So it was new ground for me and so many people have different ideas of who Victoire and Teddy are and what they should be together made it a bit unnerving to try and post something that's a bit different from most. I've always seen the next gen, especially the older ones a little more damaged than how they are usually portrayed. Victoire especially I imagine being particularly haunted because of the pressure of her name and birth. I'm glad that someone was able to connect to this story too :)

Thank you so much for your review again!


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Review #43, by ErisedFind Your Way: Old Friends

18th July 2013:
Hello!

This was a very interesting first chapter! As I've just read it I have to say that I love the cliffhanger at the end - it was a nice way of introducing Teddy but also leaving us poor readers wondering what's going to happen next. Honestly from what you've written I can't really tell, it could either be a good reunion or a bad one! A credit to your writing ability :)

I really enjoyed seeing Victoire as the down-on-her-luck type rather than successful like the rest of her cousins, because she is so often portrayed as being the next-gen character who has it all together in terms of career and love life. I thought you did very well in capturing the competitiveness of her wanting to do better, knowing that her family were, and also the more bitter side of her that isn't feeling to great about herself right now. I also really liked Fred and James as characters, they seem like a very dynamic duo!

I did notice a couple of grammatical errors - you should try to end all dialogue with some form of punctuation. Also I saw 'thru' in one of the sentences when it should be 'through'. These can be easily fixed though so not much to worry about :)

Great start!

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Review #44, by ErisedBeyond Repair: Homecoming

17th July 2013:
Ha! I will never turn over the chance to read an Argus Filch fic, especially one from his point of view! I liked how you made him sound to creepy and unhappy, because he obviously gives that impression so much in the books. You've characterised him really well here which is excellent to read!

I also enjoyed the insight into Filch's childhood as a Squib and how shunned he felt for his entire life. You wrote his emotions really well and seem to really get into his head. The ending really got me though where he referred to Hogwarts as home - such a sweet ending for someone who is horrible. ha!

Great work!

Author's Response: I wrote this for a challenge, which was to give an assigned character a happy ending. I struggled for a long time as to what could realistically happen that would make such a miserable character happy, and I came up with this.

One of my favorite things to do with writing is to try to get inside the head of misunderstood and disliked characters, and try to find out what makes them tick. For Filch, I really wanted to understand a possible reason why he, as a squib, would possibly stick around Hogwarts, when he so obviously disliked the students and the job.

Thank you again for all of your reviews. They were so sweet and lovely. And again, I apologize for taking so long to get back to them.


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Review #45, by ErisedGoodbye, Godric: Goodbye

17th July 2013:
Aww! Another sweet one shot with a great sibling dynamic. I loved how much Godric cared for his sister and even blamed himself for her accident, as people always try to do in those situations. The love he had for her really leapt off the page and it was very graceful of him to accept the rubbish hat as he did!

I also thought that Devona was pretty well fleshed out for an OC in a one shot. She seemed to be a very strong and independent woman, which I am always up for reading :P I liked the joke about the needlework too, it made me chuckle. Her selflessness at wanting Godric to go and help open Hogwarts was really lovely and also shows the love she had for him.

A great read!

Author's Response: Oh my gosh...I completely forgot about this story. I'm actually a little afraid to go back and read it. :P I had all these grand plans for this to be a longer story, explaining the origins of the sorting hat (spoiler: when Devona died, Godric was going to somehow keep some of her essence attached to the hat, much the same as the portraits in Hogwarts).

Wow, I really appreciate you going through some of my older stories and giving them some love, embarrassing though they may be :P


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Review #46, by ErisedBlaising Colours: Beauty

17th July 2013:
Wow, what a hard hitting story to read. I honestly didn't like Blaise's mother at all and felt for him so much the whole time I was reading this. A child's innocence is so nice to read although you can also see the beginning of the corruption here too, especially at the end when Blaise resolves to focus on beauty.

What kind of parent could be that disinterested in what her child is doing? Ugh. What a terrible mother, and what a great character! It perfectly explains why Blaise is like he is in the novels, and fits her minor backstory too. You painted her as very unlikeable which I'm sure was the end goal - it definitely worked!

Really good!

Author's Response: I've only done it a couple of times, but I've found that I really enjoy writing characters when they're really young. There is just this sense of innocence that is really refreshing, I think.

Yeah, Blaise's mom is not the nicest person, and will definitely not be winning any mother of the year awards. Disinterested is the perfect word for her. Well, I could think of some others, but that's a good one, too. ;) She's just very wrapped up in her own life. I definitely get the impression that she probably wouldn't be the type that is very interested in children.

I originally wrote this story for a challenge that involved showing why a character is they way they are using a story from their childhood. Since we don't really know much about Blaise, besides that he places high importance on beauty, I decided to focus on that.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #47, by ErisedDefining Decisions: A Zombie Virus?

17th July 2013:
So what I really loved about this was the chemistry between Ron and Hermione with the relationship - you wrote it just perfectly. Having typical Hermione worrying about the future and Ron being the voice of reason for her was just wonderful. They seemed to balance each other out perfectly in it which was lovely to read.

I also think you made a very important moral point about decisions not always being final. Their conflicting points of view about the decisions they had made in their lives acts as a sort of fable really, and encourages all of us not to take life too seriously!

I loved the descriptions and how natural the whole thing seemed, too. It could easily have been a snapshot of a day in their lives and it all flowed perfectly.

Nice work :)

Author's Response: First of all, massive apologies for how long it has taken me to respond to your reviews. I don't have a good excuse at all and I really do appreciate them.

Ron and Hermione are probably my OTP because of what you said about how they balance each other. I just adore how different they are, but it seems to work to their advantage. Hermione helps Ron to focus, and Ron helps Hermione not take everything so seriously all the time.

Thanks so much for your kind words and your review!



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Review #48, by ErisedHopeless: They're going to die, you know

17th July 2013:
Wow, this was so dark and creepy but in a totally awesome way. JKR never really went into the locket's full effects so it was really interesting to see an interpretation of it. It was beautifully done.

The self-doubt and loathing seemed to be completely maximised by it and I think you expertly covered all of the things that Harry would be worried about. I like that he was most concerned about Ron and Hermione dying, which of course would make sense but it was more selfish than perhaps wishing for the start of peace or something. It made Harry a little more human.

The difference when Harry took off the locket was also clear too. I felt that the second person narrative really helped in showing this switch and also showing his emotions really well.

Loved it :)

Author's Response: I like to think of the locket as a dementor scarf except instead of making you remember your worst memories, it brings to the surface all of your worst thoughts and insecurities. Harry, of course, has a lot of ammo for the locket to use.

Thank you for all of your kind comments. I really appreciate hearing your thoughts about this story :)


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Review #49, by ErisedA Light in the Darkness: Light

17th July 2013:
Aww, this was so cute! Well, the beginning actually was very harrowing and bitter in what Ollivander thought of his life and his cell now - it was really very sad. However I love that it became more and more upbeat as the story went on and left Ollivander feeling a little less lonely and with a little more hope, even if was just only a little.

I really loved Luna in this and I think you characterised her perfectly. Her way of telling the story was beautiful and I can imagine her being a very good storyteller in canon anyway. Her optimism and hope was also lovely to read too.

Nice work!

Author's Response: I love Luna (who doesn't?) and was always really scared to write her, so I really appreciate when people comment on her characterization (especially when they do so in a positive way :P)

I think this is really Luna's gift. She has a way about her that is just so hopeful and inspiring that you can't help but feel a little bit better after talking to her, even if you are in the worst of situations.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #50, by ErisedLithium: Lithium

17th July 2013:
Well this hit me right in the feels. GOOSEBUMPS AGAIN! Seriously, though, this was so good. I was so surprised when I saw that James had been giving her a love potion all these years - it definitely presented an interesting reality that I've certainly not read before.

His guilt and struggling with his feelings for Lily were excellent in my opinion. Even though he did the right thing in the end, it was still so heartbreaking to see the effects of the potion wear off and to have her regress like that in a way. So sad :( at least she still loved Harry.

And that ending again! You are so good at them! She loved them both but it was so bittersweet because of her death. I really loved how you described the curse by the way, it was very eloquent.

Loved it!

Author's Response: Goodness! This hasn't had a review in a long time! Thank you so much! I don't believe canon wise but for the sake of this song it worked quite well!

Thank you so much for the review!


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