Wow. Although this is short, this packs so much of a punch! I seriously loved reading this. Seeing Victoire ill and Dominique being in the role of power despite being the younger sister and sometimes portrayed as the 'weaker' one was great to see.
The relationship between Victoire and Dom was very complex, but you put it across so simply. The fact that she referred to her sister by her name to create distance from what was inevitable was very clever and showed a real depth of human feeling - I bet many a person has done the same in their lifetime.
The way that Victoire died was so unexpected and shocking, but in a way was also satisfying as she was in pain. Although she was euthanised, it was fitting in a way. Dom and Teddy working together and also being together relationship wise is also unusual and another way of turning things on their head.
I seriously loved this. Well done! Report Review
Your writing style, plots and general awesomeness has always been one of my absolute favourites on the archives. Reading this and its intense, frenetic start really sets the scene and tone for the rest of the story and is really a joy to read. You managed to create a mini world so quickly and effectively, I felt as if I were right there, standing and watching it all happen.
The dialogue was well placed and sharp, the plot fast but also well-paced, and the setting, though sporadic at times provided just enough detail for the reader to fill in the blanks. Your OC's were again developed just enough to give the reader a taste of what's to come without being an overload of information. A brilliant opening chapter.
If anything I wish there were more setting, but it doesn't detract from the story at all. Great work! Report Review
This was a great, short-but-sweet and very intense snapshot of a story. I think if it had been any longer the balance of intensity would have been lost, so good judge there.
Elli seemed like a fairly-well developed OC, and it's interesting to see her point of view as well. I think she could have been a little more fleshed out, but considering the shortness of the piece there wasn't a lot of room to develop her, which is fine.
I really like your writing style and how you portrayed the tension and sadness with all the characters, it really added to the story. I wish some of the dialogue was better punctuated with commas and capitals, but it's not a big deal.
Great work! :)Author's Response: Thank you for your review :)
I wish this could have been longer but like you said the intensity would be lost, I think out of all my one-shots this one is my favorite. I love Eli and she's actually featured in another fic of mine :) Thank you for the compliment and I'm sorry for the mistakes it's been a while since I've been able to edit. :) Report Review
Aww, this was so lovely and heartbreaking! The relationship between Lucius and Narcissa was really lovely to read because of the clear love they show for each other in your writing, punctuated by the fear and uncertainty of the future. It was really well done.
Their love for Draco was also very apparent too, which is good to see because he always comes across as some sort of unloved child in most fics, so I like the way you turned this on its head.
If I were to say anything it would be that occasionally the dialogue was a little stiff, which is easily remedied by reading aloud dialogue to see how natural it sounds, but it didn't detract from the story :)
Well done!Author's Response: Thank you so much for this wonderful review! I will be sure to look over the dialogue and see if I can smooth it sound!
Thank you again for your kind words ♥
Jami Report Review
What a great start to the story I've heard so much about! This opens up about a million questions in my brain, all of which I'm sure will be answered later but for now provides an excellent incentive to continue reading. I have no idea who the two characters are, but at this point I don't think I want to know because not knowing makes the whole thing so much more mysterious.
There's a wonderful balance between tension and pace, so that it's not all on-the-edge-of-your-seat but it also doesn't lose its intensity. The relationship between the two seems like a kind of destructive one, whoever they are, which I can't wait to find out about later.
You end the chapter/prologue excellently too, providing a further hook for the reader. I love it! I can't wait to read more.
Well done! Report Review
Well, I have to start off with the obligatory YAY SCORPIUS!! message from my inner fan girl. Molly II eh? Hmm, interesting pairing. I definitely wouldn't have put them together initially. Yet once again you make them work together as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I seriously envy your writing ability!
Their relationship is just AMAZING. There is so much pain, anguish, but love at the same time in the relatively short piece. The dialogue is amazing and seeing Molly's thoughts allows us to feel closer to the two of them on the whole. Lovely work.
Okay, I thought I had this one down until I read the final line. Uhm, what? Is this Audrey and Percy? I'm not entirely sure. Well whatever it is, it ends the story on a bittersweet note and leaves the reader with a lot of guesswork. Still, this was amazing.
Loved it so much! Report Review
I really love all of the random, obscure pairings that you write about because it presents an entirely new ship that I always wanted to completely invest in! Haha. The Christmas setting really set the scene and the relationship between Daphne and Dean is just so lovely, yet unexpected at the same time.
The proposal was done so well! it totally didn't need any words and it was just beautiful. It holds the promise of a long future together which you capture brilliantly. I have totally fallen in love with this pairing after reaching the end. More more more! :P
You'll also be glad to know I didn't have trouble understanding this one. My feeble mind could take it. Yay! ;)
Wonderful work lovely! Report Review
Ooh, second person! So interesting. I'm not gonna lie, I had to re-read the first bit to make sure I knew who was speaking, but I always do with yours :P anyway, I think you've actually written something that has a really valid point - in the books we see how Harry experiences Sirius' death, but not Remus who was one of his closest friends. I think you managed to portray his feelings and emotions excellently, and it really came across that a part of him had died along with Sirius, assuming that's what you were intending.
The second part was possibly even more confusing but I finally understood it. I always feel so stupid when I read your things! :P anyway, the relationship between Tonks and Remus is just heartbreaking, and I just really wanted to reach out to them both and give them a big hug, haha. The way you showed Remus' past and future in Tonks was really cleverly done, amazing job there.
Loved it as usual! :) Report Review
Wow, this was awesome. The main awesome-ness of this was definitely the way you wrote Dominique. We almost never see her as the shy, introverted type, so it's really refreshing to see a change in character. Well done on that front!
It's actually really nice to see some sort of sisterly rivalry between the two; again, they're always portrayed as somewhat 'perfect' but being that beautiful and that close etc must lead to some sort of rivalry. I think you captured this excellently, with Victoire's interior monologue and the proposal at the end.
The love triangle itself was done very well also, and choosing first person was a good choice as it allowed us to really see, feel and experience Dominique's feelings. I really felt for her at the end when Teddy smiled at her. Sigh!
Lovely work :) Report Review
Yay, a Bill/Fleur! I love this ship. You definitely did it justice too! I like how the story is from both of the characters' point of view, so that we see both sides of the relationship.
The way that he spoke in French to ask her to marry him was so cute! Again, it shows the depth of love and passion that Bill has for Fleur. A nice little touch that really lifts the story.
I thought the setting was lovely, too. Paris! How romantic - perfect really. The fireworks going off at the end was just adorable too. I loved it! If anything, I wish this was a little longer so that we could see the wedding and things, but never mind.
Loved it! Report Review
The visual imagery in this fic is absolutely stunning. Really. The beginning really sets the scene wonderfully and I could fully imagine the setting in my head. Again, it was very whimsical and dreamlike.
The promise of the ominous-sounding 'tomorrow' was very well written, and I really felt for the characters. Sounds like they're gonna go through a rough time. I think with your writing you are able to say a lot with just a few words, which is really admirable.
If anything, I wish I knew who the characters were immediately without having to guess. I had to check the description to see who it was. Just a minor thing though.
Fab work :) Report Review
Oh wow, this is truly beautiful. Your writing has a very ethereal, dreamlike quality to it in this story, which suits the piece perfectly. Even though there wasn't much plot - and I fully understand there wasn't meant to be - the small 'snapshot' of their lives was just beautiful and told us a lot about their relationship.
The actual relationship and dialogue between Victoire and Teddy was well done also, although in a way it was heartbreaking. I found myself wishing that they had more time together. I actually think this could easily be expanded on as a story to perhaps a short story or novella if you ever wanted to.
The only thing I would say is that I wish there was a little more dialogue just to gain more of an insight into their characters - but it doesn't matter really ;)
Well done! Report Review
Wow! Another short but intense story. I loved this! I thought you did the slash very well so that it wasn't gaudy and really showed true passion, maybe even love. A destructive kind of love, I suppose, considering the end. Pansy's a slippery character as usual, I think you wrote her especially well. Daphne was interesting too, and their subtle gestures spoke volumes.
The relationship between Blaise and Pansy was also enough of a distraction without overpowering the storyline, too. They didn't become the focus which is good. Also, I thought the ending was SO good. That final line just says it all. I love it!
This is so good Marms! Loves! Report Review
You know, I've always meant to read and review this but just never got round to it. This is lovely, Marina. Honestly. It's just so heartbreaking. When Lily's heart finally stops it took me back to the moment in the film where Snape goes crazy and just :'(
This was just long enough to still be tense and poignant; I think any longer and it would have been too drawn-out. I like how you kept reiterating the 'thud-thud' of their hearts, kind of like the story itself is alive. Clever! (Unless I just entirely made that up by myself and I have done too much English Lit...)
Great flow, intensity and writing style, lovely. Well done :) Report Review
This is awesome! I seriously love your setup and the inclusion of the dragon is excellent! You've created a completely new scenario that is really interesting and I love the interaction between Luna and Neville - it's perfectly friendly and light as well as greatly adding to the plot.
I also thought your point about Neville's greatest achievements all being based on impulse was very valid. I've never really thought about it before, but it's totally true.
This was a brilliantly written and thoughtfully executed piece and I love it! GO GRYFFINDOR!Author's Response:
Neville is an everyman's hero. He stepped up when it counted the most. I'm glad that came across to you. And I love Luna, so I had to include her somewhere too.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
This is a great fic! The plot is interesting and keeps the reader entertained right through it. I love Neville's interior monologue and I thought you fitted in the prompts really well! The dragon's blood one is really hard to work with but you managed it excellently.
Your take on Harry was also very interesting - it's intriguing to see a different interpretation of Harry where he isn't all good, like he'd so often portrayed as. I also liked how Neville was the one who 'saved' him in a sense, which would have been the other way round in school, truly showing Neville's journey as a person.
I think you should be super proud of this and all your hard work! Go go Gryffindor!Author's Response: Thanks Erised! Thanks for reading it so many you times that you didn't have to. I'm so grateful for your help. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I wanted to bring something new to the board. I figured a lot would have to do with an actual dragon because of the featured part which just means it is important to the plot. So I figured a metaphorical dragon was a great twist... Hahahah I loved the dragon's blood. best part of the whole story! Blood as a coffee sweetner ew so gross, but so brilliant :)
thanks for all your help with this :)
Am.Ginny Report Review
Hey Debra! I'm very proud of a) this wonderful entry for the house Cup and b) that I'm the very first person to review your very first story! Yays all round! Haha.
Well, this story is great. I think you've shown a really interesting angle from mainly Neville's point of view that really highlights the theme of flourishing in the face of adversity, as well as developing your characters excellently. I love the scene between Ginny and Neville and the beginning - it just feels really real and sets their characters up really nicely.
I thought you fitted the prompts in really well, like seriously well! They blended in really nicely, especially the Dark Detectors one. Snape was extremely creepy as usual, and it's amazing that they only got detention isn't it? I suppose it's fitting in with the whole 'double agent' thing he had going on.
Luna in this was hilarious and kooky as usual, and the plot flowed very well too. Your writing style is excellent. This is a piece to be proud of! Go Gryffies!Author's Response: Hey Jenny. It's a pleasure to have you here. Thanks so much for proofreading and helping me me improve it :)
I thought about writing this story from Neville's point of view because I knew that the 'trio' would meet Snape and who fears Snape more than Neville? I considered it would be most interesting to put the spot light on him and see how he handles the situation.
I'm happy that you liked how I wrote the characters. I am in the process of re-reading the books but as I remember her, Ginny has always struck me as being quite impulsive so it only came natural for her to go bursting into Snape's office with a half planned plan. So naturally Neville would try and talk some sense into her. Not that that did any good anyway.
Thanks so so much for this lovely review! Report Review
Well you already know my opinion on this wonderful story, but the edits have made it even better! The first section I think is my favourite part - the description of the storm is lovely and the POV of the dragon is authentic and realistic, as well as being about base instincts such as the protection of her baby. I just love it!
The section where the humans turn up is great. Neville and Charlie's charactisation is spot-on, and the subtle but not overwhelming introduction of the OC acts as a helpful prop to the story line. The emotions of the dragon and how she reacts to the humans is really awesome, and how she gradually accepts their help is really nice to see.
Of course, the ending is so sad - I thought she was gonna be okay, so to have her die is so shocking and sad :( at least the baby lives, carrying on her legacy I suppose. The level of detail you put into her wounds was great too.
Well, I love this story, it's official. GO GRYFFINDOR! Well done *hugs*Author's Response: The ending is sad, huh? :(. There just didn't seem to be any other way to end it. Calla will grow up safe and happy though, Charlie will be sure of that :)! He's kind of a heart throb, isn't he?
Thank you so much for this amazing review, I am so proud of our entire house!!
Jami Report Review
This was a great little glimpse into Neville's thoughts during the Battle! I think you fitted in the prompts very well, especially the idea of Neville changing and growing into the hero that he becomes!
I thought you were really good at raising suspense and tension too with your writing style, and it was very coherent and flowed well!
Great work!Author's Response: Hello Erised :)
Ah! Thank you so much! It was really kind of you to leave such a lovely review and I'll hopefully get to review your entry soon! As soon as I get a spare second! :)
Thanks again, Keira xD Report Review
Oh poor Rose :( I hope her and Molly make up, but she did hold back some pretty major information. She should have equivocated (I learnt what that means recently, be proud)! I'd be totes mad too. Molly's argument style infuriates me because it reminds me of someone I know (you may know who) and just ARGH. I am way too emotionally invested in this story.
Also Scorp is hilariously weird in this chapter! Love how he contrasted her word with "rainbow", that made me giggle. And if I woke up to Scorp in a bubble bath I would be more than terrified (for normal Scorps I would be more than happy). :P
MORE PLS XOXOXOAuthor's Response: There's definitely a gap between them now that's been brewing between them for a while. She's already had a couple of tiffs with Molly before so this was bound to happen at some point. Molly's used to Rose just giving in and accepting the blame but that's not working this time so we'll have to see how they fix it.
Thank you Report Review
AH OMG OMG OMG! Teddy has some SERIOUS explaining to do. I now hate him, so I hope this is what you were intending for, considering he ripped out Rose's heart and got Dom's eggo preggo. DOES VICTOIRE KNOW? SO MANY QUESTIONS!
And Rose STILL isn't sticking up for herself (although I can completely understand the whole "too honest" thing because I used to get that a lot). I still want to give her a push and say MAN UP but I can't :(
Hmph. I hate you. (Not really but hmph)Author's Response: HAHA. I am not saying anything! I've had this plot twist up my sleeve for about a year so I'm so glad it's all finally out in the open! Teddy couldn't have been as perfect as Rose was making out and this just proves that point.
Thank you Report Review
Molly totally weirded me out in this. Any further mentions of women falling at men's feet just because they love them will have me calling the bra-burning feminists, ya hear? GIRL POWER!
Poor Rose has got everyone bossing her about and I keep wanting to tell her HEY! JUST CHANGE PLEASE! But I can't because she's a character and it reignites my want to be able to jump into a book/story. But I digress. And a letter detailing all your flaws IS weird. Scorp is weird. Once more I am pleading with you to make him how he should be. Hmph.
Lovely chapter darling (I just burst out laughing because I wrote "charling darling" by accident) xoAuthor's Response: lol she's not that weird! she's just a bit forceful/overbearing. I think she thinks Rose is just being stubborn or scaredy about Scorpius when actually Scorp is weird.
And you know that's not going to change any time soon.
LOVE YOU Report Review
YOU AND ROSE ARE SO MEAN. Leaving poor Scorp like that :( I will forever be on his side, bless him. SHE LEFT HIM CRYING. I do not have the heart to do that. Especially to Scorp :(
Draco is the most weird creeper ever! They're like one of these rich and posh families that have no taste ever but live in the giant houses. Astoria was nice! And OMG! HENRY/ROSE FOREVER. Can I say I was the first shipper? Probably not. Le sigh.Author's Response: HAHA you need to calm down with the Scorpius love. He isn't worth it. And lol at Draco, I was trying to make him a bit more like Scorpius. I reckon he'd be a bit weird in his old age though, especially as he doesn't have any friends either.
Thanks babe. ;) Report Review
Okay, this whole chapter was HILARIOUS! Perhaps your funniest yet. I laughed a total of 2348727642384 times. Rose getting arrested is completely weird and funny and so TYPICAL of her. I feel like I know her. I AM MOLLY. Okay not really, but you get what I mean (I hope).
I bet someone finds out about the arrest and it becomes front page news or something ridiculous. And the Scorp bit at the end killed me! I HAVE MISSED HIM! I demand more Scorp in my life. That is all.Author's Response: No. Scorp in your life is bad news. You'd go crazy before you realised what was happening. It's for your own good. Report Review
OH THANK THE LORD. YOU LET ROSE REDEEM HERSELF IN SOME WAY. This chapter actually made me dislike Teddy a lot more and gain a lot more respect for Rose - she's not just a little girl any more, and he needs to realise that. Plus it was very insensitive of him to propose whilst she was there. How did he do it actually? -ponders-
Fab chapter as always my dear. Enjoyed this one a lot for its more serious tone and seeing Rose's character grow is fun. Onto the next!Author's Response: In hindsight, it's clear to see why he'd put off announcing his engagement for so long - that might have upset Dom a lot. Or at least, caused her to say something about that big ol' secret to Victoire. But yeah, we've only been seeing him from Rose's point of view and that was very blind indeed.
THANK YOU Report Review
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