Reading Reviews From Member: Erised
  
292 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ErisedNeville, Wait!: Mumbling Mimbulus Mibletonia's

7th March 2014:
Hi Dee! I've been meaning to check out some more of your stories for a while, and this new one shot seemed like the perfect opportunity to mosey on over here.

I really enjoyed this one shot! Neville was so sweet and lovely as usual, and I like that you made him a kind and caring teacher. That's the impression that I get from Neville in general, and it's nice for him to have found something he's good at after all those years of being bullied at school.

I liked how you linked the shy Hufflepuff girl to Hannah and how Neville was reminded of her through this. It's an interesting way of subtly reminding us what qualities Hannah exhibits as a Puff and reminding the reader what exactly Neville loves about her.

The interaction between Neville and Hannah at the Leaky Cauldron was so cute! They seem very easy and natural around one another, save for Neville's nerves of course. I thought it was sweet that he went back to the self-doubt he experienced growing up but Hannah brought him back from that. Gah! So cute!

Lastly, I enjoyed how authentic you made this. I appreciated the level of detail you put into the Herbology lesson as well as even little details like Hannah wearing yellow robes, as wizards and witches did in the books, rather than Muggle clothes. It's those touches that make a big difference in a story.

Great job!

Author's Response: Hi, Jenny! Thanks for mosey-ing :D

I was so thrilled to find out in the epilogue that Neville had become a teacher. Like you said, it's great that something good happened after years of being bullied and feeling useless. I'm glad you liked his characterisation in this.

To me Neville and Hannah always makes more sense than Neville and Luna ever will, she's the epitome of a Hufflepuff and I'm not surprised Neville fell for her. I'm happy you liked their interaction, especially his moment of doubt. No number of snake decapitatings would make him THAT confident :p

I can't express how brilliant it is to know you thought it was authentic. Sometimes I read fanfiction and think it's missing the magic, you know? I like to try and include it where I can :)

Thanks so much for a lovely review, Jenny. It made my day!


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Review #2, by ErisedAtlas Air: Front Page News

9th February 2014:
Another review for you, yay!

Firstly, can I just say how much I loved this line: "The reflection of the late afternoon sun gleamed off the top of his shiny bald head when he bent down." I think this really makes the piece as a reflection (ha) of how bald men go through a lot of challenges in life that hairy people just can't understand. I also thought it could be a metaphor for as the light from the bald man's head being a new beginning for them both on the African plains, or an example of new hope between Teddy and Victoire perhaps to blossom into something more. Either way, I really loved this line!

I thought it was interesting to see the dynamic between Rob Right (he sounds like a dodgy advert for a criminal lawyer) and Victoire. They don't sound massively happy to be honest, especially for people getting married in three months. It's an exciting time for them both, so there must be some trouble on the cards for them. Mr and Mrs All Right Ok Then might not be so Right for each other after all :( especially as he sounds dishy. I'll have him if Victoire's not interested...

Anyway, I'm excited for them both to go to Africa so we can see who the bad man is and to stop all those animals from getting hurt. That made me seriously sad, just the mere thought of it. :(

KEEP WRITING BECAUSE I LOVE THIS

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Review #3, by ErisedAtlas Air: Prologue

5th February 2014:
I AM FINALLY REVIEWING. Late to the party I know, but you knew this was coming.

YAY for Teddy and Victoire not being together immediately and not in the near future. I think that's important considering they're one of the most popular fanfic couples known to man (are they still? I don't keep up with these trends any more.) Anyway, we all know Ted's your jam anyway and you write them both beautifully.

As you have gone travelling you have all the first hand experiences and this makes the story very authentic. It's awesome to read because I know how much you loved it and that shines from the page.

I'm desperate to find out what happens next with them being on the run from the weird makeshift prison and then escaping and then the creepy guy. INTERESTED, I TELL YOU. You know how to start a story off, that's for sure.

LOVE THIS, LOVE YOU

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Review #4, by ErisedGame Over: Two

4th February 2014:
The plot thickens! I enjoyed how this was from the woman's point of view this time so that we can an insight into her side of things, seeing her missing partner just swan in like nothing was wrong. You again provided just enough information about what was going on, but then left us all hanging at the end there. I wonder why indeed this Matt person was the best man for the job?

The interaction between the two characters was fast-paced and interesting. Even though they're at odds here their dialogue didn't feel forced, just saying enough to let us know what's going on.

So the questions I now have are who exactly does James work for and why did they want the tooth? I'm hoping this will be explained in the next chapter because I am dying to know!

Hope the next chapter is up soon!

Author's Response:

I worry now that I might have made the plot TOO thick... anyway, yes, I'm dying to know too! Haha! Thanks so much for another review, and I hope we'll both survive the next chapter! It should be up in a few days or so. *fingers crossed*


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Review #5, by ErisedGame Over: One

4th February 2014:
Tag!

Woah! For a 500 word chapter you pack so much in. I was immediately intrigued as to what James was doing and why he had been caught. I think you ask more questions than you answer here, but in a totally good way - the reader is left to their imagination about what the outcome is.

I liked the idea of a Polyjuice capsule instead of the potion - great idea that shows how the wizarding world progresses. The way he acts in this is very good, very naturally and I am left wondering what exactly he does for a living and who broke into his flat and for what reason. So many questions!

I love how the woman had who James was as her Boggart - it's a great way of saying volumes about their relationship with just a few words. I think this whole snippet is basically that - you do very well with the restricted amount of words, giving the reader just enough to go on but still remaining mysterious.

Great work!

Author's Response:

Hello! It's a review for the shortest story ever!

:)

You'll have to use your imagination a lot in this piece. I'm only going to be able to spend 500 words per chapter, so , you know, limits.

Thanks so much for the encouraging review! Onward!


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Review #6, by ErisedMistletoe Mishaps: Christmas Trickery

3rd February 2014:
Hey there! I've seen you around the common room so I thought I'd check out your author page for today's review prompt :)

You say that this was rushed but I don't think it comes across like that at all. It's a lovely snapshot into Bellatrix's mind before she was completely insane and was just getting to that stage, and with Sirius too! I thought this was a very natural way to get them into a story together with the genres 'fluff' and 'romance' involved - honestly I was a little perplexed at how you would do it but I'd say you pulled it off really well. Not to say that Bellatrix isn't horrible of course - calling everyone a blood traitor really isn't the best way to make friends, is it? ;)

I liked the relationship between the three sisters here with Andromeda looking shifty - it all feels like they're on the cusp of a huge change but you've taken this little moment in time before the war properly kicks off and the sisters go their mostly separate ways.

Sirius was cheeky and his usual Marauder self here and honestly it was very brave of him to impersonate the Dark Lord. I'm surprised Bellatrix didn't hex him into oblivion! I would have liked to see more of him as a character but I'm sure you'll write him again some day.

Great one shot here, I enjoyed it! :)

Jenny

Author's Response: Hi Jenny!

Thanks so much for this review! I'm glad that you don't think this was rushed. I was desperate to get this in the queue for the Duel. I probably wrote this in half an hour, a record time for me.

I really love the way you refer to it as a tiny capsule of time before everything changes. It truly is the brink of familiarity.
I like to think that Bella was still getting over the shock and embarrassment. Sirius was trying to get away before she fully came to her senses and would definitely hex him into oblivion! Ah, yes I really should have gone a bit deeper into Sirius' character. I'll definitely find an excuse to do so in the future ;)

I am really happy that you enjoyed the story. I had a lot of fun writing it!


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Review #7, by Erisedlast embrace.: 1

2nd February 2014:
Second review tag here!

I really enjoyed this piece. First off the second person writing is really interesting and makes the reader feel personally responsible in a way for what happened to Lucy if that makes sense. It makes the reader feel much more involved with the story and is a great way to make them really engage with the sensitive issues that your story deals with.

I thought you touched on some really interesting topics with this story too. I don't have a sister but I can only imagine the rivalry between sisters that happens and the feeling inferior to one another. I thought you brought that across really well here with the characters. I also think this brings up issues of society's idea of perfection and feeling that looks are all that matters. A bit deep here I know but I think it's relevant!

I loved the descriptive style of the piece and the way that you handled the actual self-harm. It was elegantly handled. The bond between the sisters was also lovely to read as well.

I really enjoyed this, great work!

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Review #8, by ErisedOne Kiss: 1

2nd February 2014:
Here from the review tag!

I saw this in the queue originally and thought at the time yay for Hermione and Fred! I totally wish Hermione/twin was canon, so fanfiction satisfies this imagination of mine ;)

I like the relationship that you set out between Fred and Hermione - it's light and full of banter as you would expect from Fred, so that's some good characterisation there. Typical Hermione doing an essay a week early too!

I thought it was good that Fred said he had something to tease Hermione about - it makes the story seem more like a possible 'missing moment' from the series and it makes the relationship between them very natural. They're just teenagers after all!

I also liked how the kiss actually happened with Fred goading her into it, it's definitely the way it would happen between them isn't it? The way she glared at him too afterwards is a nice touch.

I enjoyed this and I think this is a cute little one shot! Good work :)

Author's Response: Hi Jenny!

I really like Hermione/Fred, so I'm glad you like it too! If it weren't for the war and, you know, Ron, I think they would've been great together!

I'm so glad I was able to capture both of them well. I was a little nervous because Hermione is such a major character and Fred is featured quite a bit in the series, so thank you for saying that!

Yup! I don't like AUs all that much, so it was written to be a missing moment in canon. And yes, the kiss was fun to write! Just the perfect amount of 'make me.'

Thank you so much Jenny, this review was wonderful!
Lo :)


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Review #9, by ErisedClash: Her

2nd February 2014:
I have seen this story mentioned a couple of times but I've never actually gotten around to reading it, so here is my chance. And, well, what a start. This is EXACTLY up my street - the beginning sets out this cold, utilitarian way of life and this unexpected death row killer that breaks every stereotype in the book. And it's Rose! Not your typical next-gen story here. Love the beginning here.

The idea of magic being wiped out has been done before but you give it a new lease of life. I love how you've fused science and magic together - it's a very interesting concept that makes a lot of sense. I also liked that Mr Walker is a historian, mainly because I study it so some solidarity there. ;)

Giving Hugo an incurable disease was really interesting and I loved seeing it written. It's not something that's often seen in fanfiction and it has definitely inspired me to look at these characters in a new way! Also, I loved the structure of this, it's so clever - you have the emotional scenes with Hugo hanging on to life interspersed between the scientific, calculated talk of magic. Very clever indeed as it creates a nice juxtoposition.

I loved the trial and Vincent taking Rose under his wing. They're so right to put her on trial for what she did but that doesn't make it any easier to read. I found myself taking sides which is obviously what you wanted here! Also his house is so strange, I love the house elves and the unexpected extravagence of his home.

The conversation between the Head and Rose is very interesting indeed. I like that he's in this for his own gain rather than the goodness of his own heart - yet another trope obliterated by your writing. I am extremely intrigued as to how this partnership is going to work out. Also it's really sad that nobody came to Rose's trial :( poor her.

Okay I completely loved this. This is one of the most interesting stories I've read in a while on here. I will try to get around to reading the rest of what's up - sporadically though I'm sure!

Jenny

Author's Response: Wow, I'm glad you enjoyed it so much! This story is kind of a meshpot of all the things I love (to write about) plus magic. Although I enjoy writing about magic as well.

HISTORIANS FTW

Glad you enjoyed all the different aspects of the chapter. Hope you come back and read on! Things only get more topsy turvy from here haha.



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Review #10, by ErisedDrummer Boy: run boy, run.

1st February 2014:
Nadia. Oh my goodness. Are you trying to kill me with all the feels here? Like seriously? Because I think you just did and I simply CANNOT believe how strong your writing has become now. I think you write some of the best pieces I've read on here during my seven years on the archive!

You pack such a punch with those first few lines that I sat back and just went, "Wow." The subtle descriptions telling me everything I needed to know and not a word more, the resentment between Hugo and Teddy, the narration that this is going to end in heartbreak. Honestly, you have done such a brilliant job with those opening few scenes that I am just amazed and really rather jealous. Where can I learn to do that?

I loved the little scene between Teddy and Rose at Christmas with the misletoe. They are honestly so cute! I love that Rose was not interested in talking to him or anyone because being a moody teenager is obviously more important than talking ;) And their teasing one another was great! With the line 'you look beautiful in red' I swear I just melted into a puddle!

You sneaky whatsit with the snowball fight scene ;) very clever! I love how we see their friendship progress with their exploration of growing up, like Teddy trying to deal with Rose's self confidence issues. The age gap between them is obvious in your writing but it feels so natural between them, like Teddy and Rose are just the obvious conclusion to make, never mind Victoire and Scorpius!

Then you have those tiny little scenes which seriously just melt my heart. They aren't particularly long and are simply the expression of love from one to another, and I just love reading them Nadia. They add such a depth to the story with just a few lines, telling us more about their relationship and it's so much more simple than reading reams and reams of how their relationship progresses. Those small snapshots tell the reader everything that is needed and nothing more, which definitely is a specialty of yours!

Oh my goodness, then you just pull my tummy out like that. Why did you do that Nadia? WHY? Haha. Honestly as soon as I saw Scorpius mentioned I just went "Oh no!" because I just KNEW what was going to happen. And then it did and it was just so sad and gut wrenching and then I read to the end and ugh I hate you now. You have toyed with my emotions too much with this story and I simply cannot take any more of it. ;) But I'm happy now because yay, that was such a happy ending! Although seriously, the Scorpius thing was sneaky and I'm not sure I can forgive you for it!

Nadia, this was AMAZING. Honestly I am in awe of your talent. Your style is wonderful, you use words so economically (a good thing!) and I know that you are hilarious with your lists in the Gryffie newsletter and that shows across with lines like "What is baby pregnant?" - that made me giggle. This was such a joy to read and I'm so glad I did! I will stop gushing like a crazy lady now because I'm sure this is the longest review I've ever left! Well done :)

Author's Response: HEYY JENNY. I feel rather stupid because apparently I AM INCAPABLE OF WRITING RESPONSES. SRSLY. SO MANY AND LAZY :(

And holy beheezus whut whut whut even is this review whuttt. My writing is STRONG? WHOA. That's huge because today we did lifts in gym class and I sucked and bad things :( (nearly everything was "needs improvement" except sit ups... *sigh*) And *bows down* I AM **NOT** WORTHY JENNY, NOT WORTHY.

I don't know where you can learn to that, but I will give you my secrets (not so secrets really). Step 1.: SEARCH BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH ON TUMBLR. Step 2: DO IT AGAIN EXCEPT ON BUZZFEED. Step3. Sherlock Sherlock Sherlock. Then repeat all steps except with Tom Hiddleston and then do some final Instagram surfing and BAM. Your life will be ruined, and then you can write this fluffy stuff in false hope :( But basically, that is how.

Oohhh, that line :P Lol. So cheesy, but I'm glad you liked it!

Victoire and Scorpius can go byebye because TEDDY/ROSE FO LYFE. And hehehe what clever no clever at all.

Those snapshots were more, "GAH I HATE DESCRIPTION SO DIALOGUE DIALOGUE DIALOGUE" Honestly, I live on tumbrl. It's only guest stalking, but once I make an account *shiver* but yes. Thank you!

Toyed with you emotions lololol how I don't know how I even because really, it's so cheesy and whut why how.

NOO, YOU'RE AMAZING DUH GURL. "baby pregnant" I don't know :/ I don't know. I was probably high lol. I basically am when I'm making the lists :P

WHOA, LONGEST REVIEW ON THIS PIECE OF SUMTINGWONG. Wow. That's amazing.

Thank you so so so much you awesome person I lurrrve you ♥

YOU ROCK JENNY!
- Nadia ♥

(now my stomach calls -- FOOD!!!)
p.s. I'm also kinda high when hungry, so sorry for rubbish response.



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Review #11, by ErisedFinding Lily: The Secrets We Keep

1st February 2014:
Hey Kristen! I'm doing good on my war here and stopping by to review this great chapter I had the pleasure of beta-ing!

Okay so to start, I really like the opening of this chapter. I thought you were very realistic in the way that Lily and Professor Spore interacted - it was very much a student and teacher relationship which was great. I also like the touch of having the school reports there, something that was always missing during the series that adds a really nice element!

Then we get to see Hugo and Lily together. I always think that Hugo gets a bit of a rough end of the deal in fanfiction and is barely mentioned, so I'm really pleased to see him in your story! As a sidenote, I find slow walkers really frustrating haha so it's best if I didn't meet him in real life ;)

Your descriptions are great here and add a much needed visual to the scenes that really bring everything to life. I love your description of the bustling corridors, it's really great! Plus you describe the wintry grounds of Hogwarts really nicely.

Hmm, Kenna's a nasty piece of work then. I'm not quite sure what to make of her yet - whether she's a real mean girl or whether there's something more to her. And Lily being in love with Lorcan? Very interesting! I can't wait to see how that plays out.

So there are lots of questions that you've left us all wondering about with this opening chapter and I'm really interested to see how they're all going to play out. Especially the ant in the box... what does it mean? I'm super excited to find out!

This is a great start Kristen! Looking forward to the next chapter! :D

Author's Response: Hi Jenny! Aww thanks so much for leaving a review on this chapter. You really are too sweet :)
First, I just want to thank you for all the feedback and effort you put in as Beta for this! It's truly appreciated.
Hugo has been really fun to write. I also get frustrated with slow walkers lol so I think you and I would be in the same boat with him haha.
I'm glad you liked the portrayal of the student-teacher relationship. While Lily has taken a detour from the path of the model student, she isn't so far gone that she's lost her respect for authority... or at least lost it enough that she'd be open about it lol.
As the chapters progress, we'll get to see the flashbacks of the events discussed in this chapter (including the ant in the box!)- so it will give a better picture of the true natures and motivations of the characters as well as offer some explanations for the events in question.
I'm so glad you enjoyed the start to the story and thank you so so much for your lovely words :)


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Review #12, by ErisedAunt Muriel's Last Stand: Aunt Muriel's Last Stand

19th December 2013:
Hi Sian! Long time no review but I am back again as I always love your work. I have so much to catch up on clearly!

I thought you set the idyllic scene very well in the beginning paragraphs and I could imagine the whole scene very clearly. You made it sound so pretty and lovely too! I can imagine Devon being so nice in the snow and the Burrow of course would look amazing, so good job there.

Although, inside is a very different story! Again you set the tone well with the chaos and various children running around - I loved that the twins were trying to poke Aunt Muriel! Haha. Everybody's characters are very on point with Bill being the responsible one and Arthur fiddling about with his Muggle presents. Aunt Muriel moaning about turkey and championing the 'good old days' was a nice little touch because I swear that's what old people ever do! :P

I liked the foreshadowing you subtly added in whilst they were around the table with Ginny discussing who she wanted to play Quidditch for and Molly suspecting what the twins would get into when they were at Hogwarts. It's a nice nod to the books that makes this one-shot a great little snapshot into a Christmas that could easily be a missing moment from canon itself.

I thought the ending was very sweet and very fluffy like you wished it to be. It was definitely better after Aunt Muriel had left! I can only hope that she wasn't invited again even if she didn't want to go, haha. I can imagine her turning up the next year though as if nothing had happened. ;)

I would have perhaps liked to have seen a bit more detail about the huge spread of food that Molly had made as an ode to all of her hard work, but I think that's mainly because I'm obsessed with food and want to be at this Christmas dinner myself. :P Also there was a bit where it says Charlie looked to Molly his wife - I believe you meant to put Arthur here instead! Just a small thing.

This was such a cute little story, Sian! You should be proud of youself. :) Merry Christmas!

Author's Response: Hi Jenny!

I loved juxtaposing the idyllic scenery around the Burrow against the chaos that was happening inside. I can't imagine a Weasley Christmas staying peaceful and quiet for long, not with all those children running around and causing havoc!

I'm glad you liked my characterisation here - it was a bit daunting for me because I'm normally more at home with minor characters, so it's good to know that it worked okay! Ah, you picked up on the hints that I included about what happens later on - I was wondering if anyone did, so I'm really happy that you saw themm!

I've fixed that bit about Charlie/Arthur now, thank you for pointing it out! I'll definitely look back about the food, although it will probably just make me hungry :P

I'm glad that it ended the way I wanted it to - I felt like some fluff was needed for a Weasley Christmas! Thank you for the review, lovely, and a (very late) Merry Christmas!

Sian :)


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Review #13, by ErisedFirst Name Terms: Appetite

16th September 2013:
Having exhausted all of your one-shots, this leads me onto your WIP! So my stance with Dramione is that I don't mind it. I know some people absolutely detest it and refuse to read it but I am not one of those people! So you're safe with me ;)

I like the setup you've created here. Hermione being angry with Ron for snogging Lavender is a natural point for the story to start because it gives Hermione a reason to be reckless and not like herself. Draco is also having the difficulties with the Vanishing Cabinet and fearing for his and his family's lives, and so is perhaps more vulnerable and fraught than usual. Either way they're both not feeling happy! This makes the potential relationship more plausible which is good to see.

The banter and arguments between Draco and Hermione were believable also and made this beginning realistic as it's what we're used to seeing from the two of them. I liked how you used some JKR insults in there! Although it's interesting that Draco actually felt affected by what Hermione had said. I wonder what's changed with him?...

I think perhaps Draco's sudden affection towards Hermione - like thinking she is beautiful - is perhaps a little too premature, and there were a couple of spelling issues, but otherwise this is a very good start.

Nice work Nadia!

Author's Response: Jenny, I'm always scared and kind of panicking when people I know over at the forums, read this story. It was my first and it's not very good... and almost everyone over there that I talk to detest Dramione... so I'm kind of happy that you got over that bridge and read this :)

This like most plots, came while I was sleeping. Well, before I was sleeping haha... I tried to make it as believable as possible but not all dramiones are perfect, we have to bend the rules around but - I tried. I'm glad you found it okay :D

Ugh, I know. Big plot hole. The whole," I love Hermione" thing... I need to go back and make that more believable. I feel really bad because I feel as if I just thrusted it onto the readers and characters to fall in love. I really need to edit that...

I know :/ I haven't touched the first chapters in a million years haha... I really need to get working on that :P Maybe when the queue dies down and I don't have tons of homework.. we shall see :)

Thanks for stopping by again!


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Review #14, by ErisedFor Them: For Them

16th September 2013:
Wow! This was an awesome read! So far I've seen many styles from you as a writer and I think this is your best so far. I've never read a story about Gideon and Fabian Prewett before and I think what you've done here is create a realistic and sad ending for these two brothers which we know happened to them in canon.

You don't need to worry about your action scene at all. The duel was fast-paced and exciting, and also flowed nicely. I was impressed considering you say you found it hard to write!

What stuck out for me most here is how the twins reminded me of Fred and George so much and also how they were fiercely loyal to the Order and to their family. Their little dedications before they went into battle was so cute and really made me feel for them as I knew that the outcome wouldn't be good. Your focus on their family life really brought the story to life and made them really likeable characters, so I was even more sad to lose them in such a short time.

Their death scenes were so heartbreaking. I felt so bad for Gideon having to watch his brother die and carry on fighting for him. He's clearly a Gryffindor and a Weasley here! My only complaint is that I wish this was longer so we could see more of the two of them!

Reading this excellent story has definitely introduced some new favourite characters for me. This was such a great story Nadia!

Author's Response: Another from you, lovely! Thanks so much :)!

Aww, you so kind! I don't think it's the best that I've written, and I'm always trying to edit this one whenever I can, but if you say so, I'll take it!

Everyone's been so supportive of the dueling scene :) You are too kind!

I really did use Fred and George as a guideline for this story. They are both twins and I always assumed were very cool and fun like they were. I needed the dedications to show family and the love for them, and was so worried it would seems to soppy and lovey-dovey for men characters to be saying, but I love your positive attitude towards it.

I know.. maybe I should go add more when I have the time *scratches head*..

Thanks again m'dear for taking your time to read some of my work!


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Review #15, by ErisedHow Fried Chicken Killed Scorpius Malfoy: The One Where Malfoy Dies At The Hands of Fried Chicken.

16th September 2013:
Hiya! *hugs* I'm fulfilling mine and Claire's end of the bargain that we'd do reviews for prompts, so here I am :) and this also doubles as catching up on your stories for me so this works out well! ;)

So, Nadia, I can tell you had fun with these prompts! From beginning to end the piece was funny, random and filled with the prompts we (meanly) set you. Seriously well done for squeezing in as many as you did because they were all pretty nasty ones!

So I enjoyed the banter between Rose and Scorpius here and that Scorpius was fat! How often is that in fanfiction? Pretty much never. They were actually more like normal teenagers here than in other stories thanks to the prompts!

What was also clever was how you broke the fourth wall and had the characters talking about how you were writing them. :P again it's not something I've seen in a story before and it works in the parody context!

I thought your plot was pretty good and coherent despite all of the weird events that the poor characters had to suffer through haha. The ending I liked especially because frankly it was just so random and fun to read!

Thanks for your entry Nadia and I hope you had as much fun writing this as I had reading it!

Author's Response: *huggles* Aw, Jenny, what a wonderful surprise! I think you've just reduced me to a pile of mush as I read this...

Haha you did very meanly set us up for this task! :P But I did have fun writing it, though some of it was hard to come up with. I was worried there would be too many jokes and yeah.

I need to include the fried chicken in SOMEHOW so I made Scorpy porky. Haha see what I did there...? Okay, anywaaay,I am so glad you enjoyed it!

Eeek, I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you for reviewing and setting up this event, it was so much fun! :D


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Review #16, by ErisedVictoire Weasley's Cooking Capers: Victoire Weasley's Cooking Capers

16th September 2013:
I've not read many parody pieces before so it makes a nice change to read one now! I love Teddy/Victoire so of course that's a big plus right from the start.

I think you did really well with the parody genre as it progressively got more silly, haha. I definitely couldn't take Teddy's proposal seriously. ;) There were a few funny moments there like when Arthur carried on munching away despite Mr Delacour choking, and of course the very unusual choice of ingredients for stuffing the turkey! Poor Victoire, she never had a chance really did she?

As soon as Teddy presumed that the ring was in the box, I thought to myself "Nooo!" because I just KNEW it would be in the turkey and I was right! Haha. That bit was well planned out, although a little gross that Teddy put the ring in his mouth after Mr Delacour choking it back up?!

I liked the little epilogue too explaining how they got married and such. It was the height of silliness although I'm glad that Victoire became a part-time worker at St. Mungo's because of the incident!

Good work here :)

Author's Response: Hi again :D

Yesss! :D I like them too, which is why I chose them.

Haha, I don't think anybody would have taken his proposal seriously, but the ladies seemed to :P Hahaha! :D I'm glad you had a laugh. Seems like I succeeded with the whole parody thing :D

Props to you for guessing, really :D It might have been quite obvious, but oh well... it IS a parody! I'm glad you liked how I planned it out. It is quite a gross, which is why I wanted it in there... such is Teddy's love in this parody!

Lol :p I'm glad you enjoyed it and cracked up in bits.

Thanks again :)
Your reviews are brilliant
*hugs* :)


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Review #17, by ErisedMyrtle: Myrtle

16th September 2013:
Well, this was definitely a really interesting and original take on Moaning Myrtle. I loved this for a number of reasons, but firstly I'd like to say again how awesome it is that you're trying out new styles and this darker, grittier one really suits you in my opinion. More pieces like this please! ;)

So, your portrayal of Moaning Myrtle, a character which is rarely written or thought about really, was wonderful. I never really thought of the darker side of Myrtle's life and death and how she was emotionally abused in both, and you wrote her thoughts and feelings on the matter so well. The constant flow of hateful students coming in to her toilet must be genuinely awful to experience.

Her mentioning the trio and Draco as friends almost or at least 'special' made more of an impact because of this. As the only people who had thought of her as more than Moaning Myrtle they must have made her life a little more worthwhile and them leaving and forgetting about her makes me really feel for Myrtle as a reader. Serious props to you on the feels there!

I loved the hints of how different Myrtle was when she was alive too, despite the bullying. She seemed like more of a happy and smiling person, and death has actually brought her down in a sense. Who knows if that's what she was actually like in real life but it created a nice contrast in her character and worked for the prompt too.

The description here was fabulous! It really added to the inner monologue of exactly what Myrtle was experiencing and I could imagine myself there with her. I particularly loved "I will also take your joys, your firsts and your lasts. I will take your life, if you would wish death over it." - such a great line that sums up Myrtle really.

Another excellent one-shot lovely, keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Hi again :D

Again, thank you so much for telling me that it's original. It's such a lovely thing to hear :) Really? *drops the fluffy pen and picks up the unused angst one* I shall try this more often then!

To be entirely honest, I hadn't thought much about her either. Till this challenge came along and then, this was the only thing that fit, in my opinion. I just had the idea in my head and had to write it out. I'm glad you enjoyed it and liked the portrayal. I know that it's food for thought! Her whole experience would have been quite sad, and I took the chance and wrote about it.

Aw, thank you! I'm glad I managed to get that right. They were the only once who ever gave her a second thought, and in her lonely world, they would have certainly made an impact.

I tried to give these little tips about her earlier life to make her relate-able and to let us understand her better. Despite the bullying, she had a life. I'm glad you liked how I used to add to her character :) Thanks!

Again, description is SO important. I'm glad you enjoyed it here :) I know that it's a little sparse on the dialogue (intentionally!), so I was really hoping that the description would shine. Thanks for the lovely compliment and the review! :) I'm happy you enjoyed it.



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Review #18, by ErisedEngaged?!: Engaged?!

16th September 2013:
Well that was certainly an interesting and entertaining read! Haha. First of all my hat is off to you for including so many prompts in just one story, Adi. It's nothing short of a miracle considering we included some really hard ones!

I liked the scene of the party because it was a good way to get some prompts in under such a silly setting. All of the drunk students made me giggle! My favourite part of that scene is when Colin's nephew who also went by the name of Colin saw his dead uncle. Ghostception of some sort?! ;)

The second part with the arranged marriage, Patented Daydream Charms and a box of Puking Pastilles... wow! Lots of craziness there that worked together in the situation that you put it in. I thought the ending was really funny too with the unicorn and how confused Rose must feel haha. There was definitely a feel of 'and as if you thought this couldn't get any weirder'...!

Thank you for your great entry Adi, I had a great time reading it and I hope you had fun writing it too!

Author's Response: Jennyyy! Hi again :)

I'm glad this entertained you! Thank you :) I was quite pleased with myself for being able to somehow squeeze them in. I know that it didn't really make much sense, but oh well!

Ghostception? xD Oh Jenny! You've got me laughing! Yes, certainly. I imagined them looking similar too!! :P

I'm glad it worked for you! Even though, I bet it was in some twisted, weird way, I'm still glad it did :D Haha, that's EXACTLY how I wanted it to be. It is completely crazy and I wanted to end it on the same note!

Thank you so much for the great challenge, Jenny (and Claire!) :)
I had a lot of fun writing this and I'm glad you liked it!


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Review #19, by ErisedThis Love: Chapter 1

16th September 2013:
Hi lovely! I'm here to fulfil my end of the bargain and leave some reviews for the amazing story you wrote for our Gryffindor Writing Challenge :) basically just a good excuse to catch up on all the amazing stories I have yet to read and review!

So I saw you posted up this little one-shot and I was intrigued. I can tell you now that I think this is your best writing so far. It's clear to see how you're switching up styles and including more description which is really nice to see :)

I enjoyed the tense you chose for the piece, as if Astoria were talking to Draco. I could imagine them chatting over how they first met to Scorpius or something and Astoria recalling how much of an impact Draco had on her. I liked that Draco wasn't too aware of her until later on after Hogwarts in the war - he was a little bit preoccupied after all!

Astoria's description of her interest in Draco was really nicely done. At first she's this shy schoolgirl who then transforms into a more confident and sadly hardened woman as the years go on, and I think you portrayed this well with the final scene of Draco and Astoria meeting at the Leaky Cauldron. I liked how her interest waned as she gained an idea of just what the Death Eaters were doing and opposed their ideals. It would be interesting to see how she aligns her husband's past with her own mantra.

I also found it very interesting that she didn't practice magic for three years - quite unusual for someone who's had magic as such an ingrained part of life since they were born. Original!

As I mentioned, your description is great here and there were a few little lines that added to the quite whimsical and ethereal feel of the piece. I liked how you said "Very soon, we were staring right into the eyes of war" - the imagery is very powerful.

I don't think Astoria should be so harsh on herself though for skipping out on the war. She was very young after all and would have been much less equipped to look after herself, mentally and physically. It created an interesting contrast between the two characters though - her wanting to fight on the 'good' side in comparison so Draco (sort of).

This was a really good one shot Adi and you should be proud! :)

Author's Response: Jennny. (takes a breath)...y!! :D
I get ever so excited when I see reviews from you... and there are FOUR! :D I can never do justice to how awesome your reviews are, in my replies, but I shall try!

Best writing? Woah. Thanks a lot! That is a huge compliment and it means a lot to me, especially coming from you because you are in a fair position to judge. I'm glad you liked how I've written this. It's a little different, I know. I'm glad it paid off :)

Haha, you might be on to something there, Jenny ", Maybe if you read on, you'll see :) He was preoccupied and JKR didn't really bring her up till the epilogue. Which is why I chose to bring it up like this :)

I wanted to show her develop as a person. I also wanted to show how she was her own person. Strong and independent. I'm glad that came through :) Thank you.

I was hoping to show how she had her own ideas, thoughts and opinions and how she was affected tremendously by the war. It was her coping mechanism, I guess :P

I'm so glad you found it original because I think it's really nice to hear, that as a writer you've managed to create something of your own. Especially in a community where there are so many great stories and ideas!

THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU :) Description is beautiful, and if I managed to do it well, I'm happy! I'm so glad you liked it! Imagery too is very important and I'm pleased that you enjoyed this :)

Haha, yes :) It is quite a contrast, right?
I think she has her regrets, and he, his. But it's the present (in the context of the story) that matters. i would love it if you read on!

You review, as usual, has made my day!
Keep on bein' amazing Jenny! :)
Thank youuuh.

PS- This is a short story :) (Hope that's a good thing :P)


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Review #20, by ErisedReason to Fight: Entrée par effraction

8th September 2013:
Oh my goodness! This was yet another chapter that was full of action and excitement, and it was a joy to read. I can't wait for your next update!!

Okay so first thing: PHEW! Xavier is okay for now! Good, because I want to see him and Camille get back together, haha. I liked Johanna's comment about them slipping back into old habits, because I forgot to mention in my last review that being engaged is a BIG deal. You don't just move past that easily. I just want them to get together, is that too much to ask? ;)

The rescue mission here with Johanna and Camille was really awesome and exciting! Like the rest of your action scenes it was well paced and tense, and left me on the edge of my seat wondering what was going to happen next. I was actually surprised that Jean managed to get caught because he seems like the kind of person who would be ruthless enough to kill the Nazis who captured him, but perhaps that's why they broke his wrist. Either way it was pretty damn amazing for him to say - "I don't understand," he croaks, "how with two girls like you around people still manage to tell tales of damsels in distress." - best line ever, because yay feminism! :P

Also I think you have a really good imagination for the way you invent new things such as the mountain elf in previous chapters and the language Polyjuice potion hybrid in this chapter. It's great to see such a natural way to find a magical way around these problems and it shows your true skill as a writer!

I feel like I'm a bit of a broken record at this point but you really are such a great writer. I have not seen a point in this entire story so far where you have not been on point with your description, your flow and your plot. You give the reader just enough information to satisfy us but also provide tiny little tidbits which hint towards a bigger plot and what is to come in the future, which I love.

So, I think that's enough gushing from me for now! As you can tell Val, I absolutely ADORE this story and I cannot wait to read the rest of it when you update. So get writing! ;)

Jenny :)

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Review #21, by ErisedReason to Fight: Je ne t'aime plus

8th September 2013:
Ahhh the plot thickens even more!! I'm dying at that cliffhanger there (perhaps a poor choice of words there, don't die Xavier!) but I'm happy that I have another chapter to read so I won't be kept in suspense too long ;)

So there's a lot happening in this chapter! I loved that we got some more backstory to Camille and Xavier and why he had to break it off. At this point I don't think I could dislike Jean more. He seems to be causing all the trouble here and broke these two up! (I know it was still Xavier's choice, but still :P) I do really hope that Camille and Xavier will work out their issues and get back together regardless of the consequences. I'm finding myself rooting for them now!

I'm also really intrigued by Astrid and this German officer! Do I sense some sort of romance or friendship between the two of them that will shake both of their beliefs, or she has to kill him or something? :P whatever happens, the introduction that you made for the two of them was really good and was very believable! I so find myself hoping that something will happen there.

As usual your writing is flawless and you have an excellent flow amongst all the components you squeeze into one chapter. Your descriptions were lovely here and I really felt as if I were there in all of the different settings with the characters. I could imagine everything really clearly which is a plus!

Also I've gotta talk about that ending. It was such a short scene but made such an impact! It was really well written and the imagery was really good here, and it didn't feel too rushed either. It was exciting and fast-paced, and is a credit to the chapter!

Overall this was pretty freaking awesome. Onto the next chapter...

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Review #22, by ErisedReason to Fight: La Rafle

8th September 2013:
Yay for a mainly-Simon focused chapter! I'm so glad to see and learn more about him. The whole situation is desperately sad, and it just makes me wish that his father realised how bad it was going to get and that they should escape. His father seems very naive in this sense.

There were a few very simple snippets that really elevated the emotions of the flashback such as "She has tied with a simple piece of string instead of the pretty silk bows she usually employs, indicating that she has understood the gravity of the situation." - no child should ever have to go through that which makes it all the more sad to read. I also really liked - "The bowl of milk is left, still half-full, on the table, lone and forgotten" because they will never come back to it and it just hits you right in the feels. :( I am praying that their situation gets better and that Simon learns wandless magic or something.

So, Astrid has been sent to Paris huh? Interesting. I liked how you mentioned that she could feel the Minister's lips on her hand, because that makes me wonder whether something more happened and also whether she knows that Jean lied and just is happy to take the unjust praise. Naughty Astrid if that's the case! I'd be really annoyed if I were another member of the group.

Nonetheless, you brought the creepiness and unsettling-ness back with the exchange between the principal and Astrid. The 'shooting practice' intrigues me and just shows how many things were gotten away with during this time under the guise of being something else. I'm also wondering how the principal's character will play out and whether something nasty is going to happen with Astrid. I hope not but it looks like she might have to put her skills to the test here!

Another fab chapter!

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Review #23, by ErisedReason to Fight: La Faiseuse d'Anges

8th September 2013:
Ooh, the plot thickens!

Another great chapter here. I feel like although not a lot happened in terms of chronology, more happened with the character development and the relationships between the characters became more obvious. (As you can tell, my reviews mostly focus on characterisation, haha.)

The little flashback with Johanna was just so heartbreaking. I read that you had issues with keeping it in the TOS here, and I have had that problem before too so I know how you feel! I thought the watered-down version was just as good though, and it's very subtle in what it is implying. My heart goes out to her though, that's such a horrible position to be in. That last line of the flashback definitely made me shudder.

On the whole I actually would like to comment on how good you are at dealing with difficult situations in this story, which is clearly full of them. You manage to just hint at what's happened to the characters in their past and give us readers just enough information to work it out for ourselves, which is really nice.

Hmm, the bit between Camille and Jean about Astrid was very interesting as it said a lot about all of them in a very short space. I dislike Jean already and the fact that he wants to get with Astrid just makes him worse! Hopefully it isn't true. I LOVED Camille's parting line though, what an awesome thing to say. Stick it to the man! ;)

The mountain elf really intrigues me and sounds like a really cool magical creature. I'm wondering how it will act and what it will look like, but it sounds like a very powerful tool which would definitely be more exploited if it wasn't so rare. I'm looking forward to reading more about it!

The ending of this chapter was really quite chilling again - just those few excerpts of the file that Astrid reads and the fact that the Minister has no qualms whatsoever about taking away magic from people makes it sound like they're kind of the bad guys right now. I'm interested to see how that will play out and whether their consciences will get the better of them or not.

Onwards!

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Review #24, by ErisedReason to Fight: Le Phare

8th September 2013:
Hi Val! I'm here to review the rest of this wonderful story so I hope you enjoy them :)

I'm really impressed with this second chapter! There was a lot going on as well as lots of split scenes and different points of view but you handled it all very well and made the whole chapter flow very naturally, which considering you had the concentration camp, the mayor mission and a flashback is very good going.

I'm really intrigued by the characters you've created here and how their stories are developing. First, Camille and Xavier - very interesting that there's a failed romance between them. I'm eager to find out what exactly happened between them to have such discord years later because it clearly affects their professional life.

Secondly, Jean. Umm, woah, dude is CREEPY. That last little section where he calmly announces what he did to his uncle in the past? It gave me chills. I'm not quite sure what to make of him and I'm not sure whether he's just a good guy or that there's some dark in him too. Well, clearly there is dark in him with going ahead with that messed up potion. Gross! :P

And lastly, Simon. The scenes with him in are actually my favourite parts of the story so far because you really express how bleak and hopeless his situation is. He's clearly such a strong person for believing that he can escape with his sisters, but there's also that sense of wanting to give up because they're going to die anyway that he's grappling with. Simon is definitely my favourite character because my heart goes out to him!

You have an excellent writing style which just shines through in this story. The dramatics of the events paired with the personable nature of the characters is a great mix which is just wonderful to read. I also think that your dialogue is a particular strong point for you - all of the characters' lines sound so natural and also have a lot of impact too. Nobody is saying anything unnecessarily.

A great chapter, and onto the next!

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Review #25, by ErisedWords that linger: The Usual Fight

4th September 2013:
I really enjoyed this! It's interesting to think of things that the other characters were doing whilst the narrative in the series focused on Harry, so I think this was a great little 'missing moment' between Sirius and Remus.

I felt that you captured the characters perfectly with Remus worrying and thinking he is trying to be selfless when he's actually being the opposite, and Sirius being blunt and trying to make him see sense. Remus always comes across as a very self-deprecating character and I think that with your dialogue for him you really expressed that well.

I also like that there wasn't necessarily a happy ending or an agreement at the end - you left it hanging and it makes me want to know what the next day would bring for the two of them, even though I know the events in the book.

I think you did a really good job with such a short word count and really wrote the characters very well here. Welcome back to HPFF!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a kind and thorough review! I'm glad the fic managed to convey enough punch to be worth posting. I worried about it being too short to matter at the time.

Thanks for the welcome back! I'm glad to be back.


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