Reading Reviews From Member: Iellwen
  
160 Reviews Found

Review #1, by IellwenExplosion: Striped Doors and Purple Pendants

9th April 2014:
Hi there! Thank you for telling me you updated your story (feel free to contact me on the forums next time :) )

Wow, multi-tasting cupcakes! That sounds awesome! :D

That was a cute chapter for a cute story :) I was surprised by the previous chapter where Draco looked at clouds and described it as floating candy floss - it's a really nice picture but I'd expect him to be used to clouds through Quidditch.
Then again, stories that follow ones' expectations can get a bit boring - Explosion certainly isn't one of those ^^


I really like the twist with Hermione and her Helperball - did her father take her mother's name as they got married or did he just change it, choosing it for some reason?

Hey, thanks for the unexpected mention! ^^ As your twist shows, just because one isn't muggleborn, doesn't mean we can't have a connection to magic ;)

Cheers!
Gee.

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Review #2, by IellwenHarry Potter and the Curse of Hamunaptra.: Toward Revival.

9th April 2014:
Hi again! :)

First off, about my previous review: I'm really sorry my words stung - I did indeed choose them poorly. What's the point of criticism if it isn't balanced with constructivism and encouragements?
Even though it was so rash, I did not mean to hurt your feelings in any way in my review for the previous chapter.
We all learn everyday a little more and most of the details I pointed out were pointed out to me themselves by other authors with more experience - it's the circle of reviewing, I guess :D

Second of all, in your previous answer you say you tend to hop from plots to plots, eventually abandoning older projects to focus on newer ones. But doesn't that imply you tend to leave your stories as WIPS?
Over the years, I've noticed many members aiming to be authors give up on their stories if they feel under-appreciated. No reviews, little read counts... Many a story will forever be marked as WIP and not honorably changed to Abandoned because the writer gave up on receiving the heaps of praise he/she was expecting.
So I have to ask - do you write for the eventual readers or do you write for yourself?
No matter the answer, criticism still hurts/annoys one, of course. But still, when you decide and agree with yourself that you had an idea you wanted to see through, you see it through. For yourself.
:)


Thirdly, the forums offer many a possibility. There are wonderful advantages, just waiting to be grasped.
If your writing relies on reviews (I should point out that there is no shame in that at all - feedback is a wonderful motivation) there are many on the forums that offer constructive criticism, characterisation and much, much more.


Finally, to keep this review under a reasonable length:
I've never been to Egypt and all I can picture are dunes of sands covering brown-yellow ruins without particular forms. I felt the most enticing aspect of this story was it's setting - the curse of Hamunaptra. Since the geographic setting is so exotic (for me and Harry Potter in general ;) ) you could definitely add some lengthy but detailed descriptions about the gorgeous landscapes, maybe to slow down the interaction a bit :) [Just a thought, though]
I really like the progression of your story, the background you've set and your choice of characters. It's really cool that Harry has Gryffindor's Sword, for example :D


And lastly, about your spacing: it's a pain to get it right most of the time and I'm one of the few that tried out different solutions but still struggle with it ^^
But spacing is important for the readers' eyes and to separate ideas, thoughts, actions and descriptions in easy, breezy ways helping eyes and brain assimilate the words properly.
So, repeating advice I have been given:

It's difficult.

For the reader when.

The eyes have to jump from sentence to sentence.

Here's a little something I found out some time ago; when copy/pasting, little unwanted spaces nest between the lines when you've used 'enter' in word - it helps if you use 'STRG'+'SHIFT'+'ENTER', if you're using Microsoft :)

All I've written in this review, I wrote with love - I hope I will not hurt or shame you this time :)
I would look forward to the third chapter of this story :)

Cheers!

Gee.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for taking the time to write out another and rather lengthy review.

There's no need to apologize, either! It has just been so rare when someone points out flaws in what I've written, especially on older work like this, that it makes me question why no one else noticed the issues and more importantly why I myself missed them up until they were brought to my attention like you did - and *that* is most of what the sting involved comes from. I get embarrassed by such things *very* easily and my first response is to try and block it out until I can gradually acclimatize.

Regarding WIPs; yeah. I've started more stories than I can count on both hands, and it isn't uncommon for a story to run between six months and a year+ before I settle in and compile the next chapter for it. I never like to use the term "abandoned" however as I still remember the irritation brought on by reading a great story only to have it abandoned by the author some time in(Scorpion's Disciple in the Naruto fandom comes to mind in particular from a few years ago).

I think some part of it is that I do want to hear feedback. I get a snap-idea, jot down a couple thousand or so words, and bam! Published to the net. The only (fanfiction)story I can say I've ever written far enough to be entering the final stages is an unrelated Dresden Files story posted elsewhere, and that has taken me about three and a half years to get to 12-1/2 chapters!

However, the only stories I've ever truly abandoned, I've also deleted. If it is still posted, I *will* update it eventually, and that goes for this old thing as well. It'll be delayed by having to rewrite whole chunks of the first two chapters, but yes.

I'll definitely look into the forums some time soon, so thank you for that recommendation!

I'll also touch up and try to weave more detail into the local and the environment Harry is in. Since I've seen the Mummy movies my mind usually just fills in the background as I'm writing automatically - which doesn't amount to much for a reader that *hasn't* seen the films or been to Egypt, as you said, if I don't expand on that information in the writing.

As for spacing - oh, goodness. I see that point especially. I've tried clustering my paragraphs together, and then I've tried this, breaking everything down so much. Definitely a must-fix.

Again, thank you kindly for your reviews. Constructive criticism like yours is always appreciated in the end, and I felt no pain from what you've written this time around!

Cheers :)


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Review #3, by IellwenRomantic Flight: Romantic Flight

7th April 2014:
Aaah, what a ride, what a ride! Such a sweet one shot - you indeed are the queen! :D {Love and Be Loved still haunts me ♥ }

I love that he brought her a flower :D (t'was the least he could do! ^^)

Madeleine! What a yummy name! ^^ Her background with Freddie is really adorable! Love-stricken - she went through quite a lot to get there, hehe ^^

You used wonderfully blinding descriptions - the colors and how she could 'almost grasp' the sun! What very vivid pictures!

My favorite sentence is the one with "perfectly choreographed." in it - it's just so romantic!
The perfect date! ♥
[I feel like quoting it entirely would be a spoilers but you and all those that read it know the sentence I'm talking about ;)]

Aaaw, I kinda really wanna know about their first kiss, though :D

Your banner is gorgeous by the way, kudos for making it!!

Thanks for the great read!
And gosh, that was a nice song!

xoxo ;)

Author's Response: Oh I'm so glad you liked it! I actually had the hardest time writing this. I couldn't really get the song to fit any scenario, and was trying to avoid the cliche flight-flying thing. But in the end I think it worked out really well! (Awe, sorry, and thanks! that's a huge compliment on it's own ♥ )

I'm glad you liked her name! I have a thing for making French OC's :P I don't know why, but they're all either French or Irish. Oops! I'm so glad you liked everything I put into the story and the descriptions (there's only so many ways you can describe a sunset :P )

I actually might write more about this couple! I really enjoyed writing them, and I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

Awe thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

Thanks for the swap and isn't it? I listened to it on repeat the entire time I wrote this.

xoxo Sarah ♥


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Review #4, by IellwenThe Wild Rose: Chapter One

6th April 2014:
He WHAT?! I had to read the passage twice - no, thrice to make sure!

WOW! I did NOT see it coming. You evil genius, you.

Amazing read - definitely a new favorite!

Quick thought:
Since the mention the river so much and it's such a beautiful day (the twisted, evil me is laughing) maybe add a little description about the sounds of the rushing water or the reflection of the sun catching it (or something else, I don't know ^^) - just a thought, to mask the repetition of 'river' :)

The tone of this one-shot reminded me a lot of Maupassant - he's good (that's an understatement) with that kind of tone [difficult to describe without spoiling!]

Awesome read! ♥

Author's Response: Iellwen!

This review made so happy! Made my entire day ♥

Yes... he did what he did *evil laughter*
it was a little extreme, but I like stories with not-so-good endings. Plus, I wrote a little clue in the beginning of the story, that tells who he 'really' is. But I'm not so sure if it was written clearly enough, hehe.

One of your favorites!? *blushes* Gosh, thank you! ♥ ♥

And thank you for the advice/suggestion. When I get to re-read it, or get it beta read, I'll definitely add more description of the river or anything around it.

I have no idea who Maupassant is, but I'll check him out as soon as I can :) hehe.

Thank you so much for your review! ♥
AND for the shout out. It surprised me so much!

Big hug,
Avi


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Review #5, by IellwenLove and Be Loved: Hope Is Real

4th April 2014:
That was so warm, so loving - like the best hug in the world. Yeah, make me cry why don't you!

Thank you so much for writing this; I can't find the right words to express just how soothing a read this was...!

I've had a rather rough day today, this was just what I needed. ♥

Gee.

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks!! That's so sweet, I'm glad you felt that way! I cried writing it! So it's only fair that you cry too!

You're so welcome, and I'm so flattered that this made you feel like that!

xoxo Sarah ♥


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Review #6, by IellwenHarry Potter and the Seal of Chaos: Prologue: Rise of the Entropist

2nd April 2014:
I just discovered this story and thought I'd give it a quick read, what with you also being french and the awesome banners you made yourself :D
WOW - what a long introduction. I guess it was needed? Breaking it in two would probably slow down the introduction (though it'd be feasible), hence slow down the progression of the plot.
But wow.
I love the way you clearly separated the events, even adding the years to ensure no confusion in the development of Alexander!

Alexander Lockenburn, 'Son of Entropy' - a tad older than Harry Potter and yet mega-cooler because he's an entropist and has visions. But Minerva's face lights up hearing his voice and all the grown-ups, even good ol' Dumbledore, just have to rely on him since Fudge is just so stupid.
Alex is definitely the one in charge; he drops off Severus, kills off the baddies and casually swoops in to say the day and even shut up that annoying portrait back in Grimmault Place.
Your OC has a strong character and is always ready for action. His visions play a big role is the safety of the world. Naming him Marty Stu would've worked just as well ^^
This first chapter kind of reminded of Tara Duncan and Alex Rider - it's been so long since I've read stories like those! :D
I love it, I feel like I'm X-teen again :)


Quick thoughts - since the chapter was so long, I'll keep it short :) :

As Gryffindor wins the Cup - 'What a year!' a nice use of the repetition if you hadn't used the second one a tad too early. Maybe that's just me, but I felt the second would sit better at the end of the part :)

"artistic challenge" felt a bit weird, coming from Ollivander; artisanal would be perfect, wouldn't it... Maybe a "crafting challenge" would get the wandmaker to try out quartz (cool idea, by the way!!)

"I knew Cedric Diggory at school" I'm not so sure myself, but I think "from school" would be more appropriate :)

And after the quick killing of Morgenstein, the dead companions... Who were they all, anyway? Deaths are a bit senseless if the reader doesn't feel grief but it was a nice way to tell the reader there are other entropists out there (but Alexander's still the strongest and coolest).

I can't recall having seen you on the forums - if you're not, I can only tell you to go hurry and make yourself known.
Your stories need to get more attention; they deserve it, don't they?
AND the forums offer great ranges of help and support - beta readers for corrections and brit-picking (helping you with british words/slang etc), but also reviews. Loads of friendly authors offer reviews with constructive criticism, you can also arrange review-swaps with other authors and all in all, the forums are a great way to get your stories the attention they crave.
Bon, that's it. I'm cutting this review short.

This chapter was a very long but quite nice introduction to your story, setting the mood and the protagonist; I'll be diligently reading the continuing adventures of Alexander Lockenburn. :)

Salut!

Gee.

Author's Response: First of all, thank you for such a long review (merci!!! ca fait plaisir). Now, about the remarks about Alexander, okay, I'll admit that put that way, you could believe that he's a Gary (Marty, whatever) Stu... BUT, hopefully, you'll find that, throughout the story, that he's not. His power come with restrictions, his visions have a meaning and are limited in scope. Also, the story is called "Harry Potter and the Seal of Chaos", so Harry stays the main focus, and the main hero of this story.

Now, about Alex's companions in his fight in Mongolia, they're local wizards that guided him. They don't get mentioned, because Alexander didn't bond a lot with them. They will get further mention in one of the sequels, though.

I've finally updated my account on the forums, and created my 'Meet the Author' page, so if you want to drop by... you're welcome any time.

à bientôt!!


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Review #7, by IellwenThe Best Disguise for Shame: Disasterous Arrival

24th March 2014:
Hi there!

It took me a while to get the time to review properly again, but I did not forget your story - though I've read your wonderful answers to my previous reviews and thank you for the heads up :D
For you to have written this story before the 6th book came out, KUDOS! (I guess I should've been able to see this coming, but I'm just not the quickest snake in the pit, tehee)
And no Severus/Lily 'ship isn't disastrous, I just love it when they interact :D I fell in love with this story because it's about Severus (*squeal* *very moe* *kyaaa*)
And Lily's right, everybody needs a friend :D


This chapter was really emotional, with his Mother leaving him like that. Having Severus scream into the earth was a really nice touch - I felt there was something really sad in having Severus loose it like that; not that he didn't have his reasons, but he's a character (as an adult) that really just keeps his cool and doesn't seem to care. That could have been his one and only tantrum, and that's really sad.

I'm looking forward to read about Severus' growth and his path to forever placing his loyalty in Dumbledore's hands.

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Review #8, by IellwenThe Best Disguise for Shame: A Birthday Fit for Darkness

15th March 2014:
I'd feel terrible if I wasn't as Slytherin, but I laughed SO HARD at the letter!
Eileen has definitely lost it and wouldn't win a mother-of-the-year award (I don't think she'd even be nominated!^^) but wow, way to break the news! The first sentence is just... Wow. Eileen, bitter much?!

And poor Severus, being hit with a vomiting hex! What a douche James is! And he steals his quill and gets Sevvy humiliated...!

But coming back to his father's grave... WAY TO GO SEVVY!!! REVENGE! Best served cold, eh? ^^

YES, some Lily/Severus action is brewing!
I'm sooo looking forward to it!
I really need to get some sleep right now, but I'll be back. :D

Author's Response: I had to go back and read what the letter was - ah yes. The poor passing of his father. Yeah, I think his mother has some sort of emotional difficulties in this story lol!

Ok I think I should tell you again, even though I did in my last review - this isn't a Snape/Lily story :P It was written before that ship was a huge thing. Even though it is my absolute favorite ship in the world! I just feel like you're going to be so disappointed and I'm sorry!! I feel bad! I feel like I should go back and rewrite it for you just so you won't be disappointed hahaha. It's just that it's so old.

But thank you so much for this review, I really appreciate it!


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Review #9, by IellwenThe Best Disguise for Shame: About A Boy

15th March 2014:
AARGH, What did he read?!!?!

Eileen is the one that showed introduced him to the Dark Arts, in a way. More shame on her!!

I kind of miss the pre-Hogwarts interaction between Lily and Severus but his lusting (although it could count as a crush, couldn't it?^^) after Narcissa was such a twist it made up for it :D Is that the reason he decided he'd join the dark side so easily? ^^

With Severus being lonely on his birthday, I can't help but see more of Harry in him - could it be some karmic payback because James (and Sirius and others, but mainly James) tormented poor Severus? What gits they were, back then, huh?
I love how Severus' affection for Lily is stronger every time she shoves James' approaches away^^

I'm itching to know what Severus read in that letter; I'm off to the next chapter!!! :D

Author's Response: I understand your feelings about pre-Hogwarts Severus and Lily, but in my defense we didn't know about that yet since this story was written before DH :P The whole bit with Narcissa was a very interesting road that I went down but I enjoyed writing it!

I know, with James and Sirius and all that, gosh, not a lot incenses me more than that!

I do want to caution you if you read on - this is not a Snape/Lily story, it's Snape/oc because...I didn't even think about Lily at first being a love interest for him! It's just not something that occurred to me back then.hmm. But thank you so much for the review I really appreciate it!


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Review #10, by IellwenThe Best Disguise for Shame: Destiny's Perfect Son

15th March 2014:
DIE TOBIAS DIE - Oh well, exile is just as good ^^

I loved this chapter because Severus not only got to stand up to his psycho dad AND got to officially be a wizard, receiving the letter from Hogwarts and shopping in the Alley.

So young and still so smart - I can really picture Severus being that kind of kid. And as terrible as that sounds, him seeing his dad abusing his mom also kind of fits the profile... Poor Severus... *sigh*
After finally getting rid of his no-good father, Severus faces his mother's cowardice and is even disgusted - wow! So much that explains his personality!!

One teeny detail 'father told me he'd pay top dollar for it' since the kid speaking is probably Lucius Malfoy (blonde, snotty, arrogant, 'father this' ^^), he probably wouldn't say 'top dollar'. :D
I loved that Severus got to hear about about brooms and wish he'd have one, kind of like Harry will years later ^^

Author's Response: Hahha yeah, I'ma be honest with you, I do not remember what happens in this chapter so I'm just gonna go off your review. I can remember that Severus was very disturbed about his father and the way he treated his mother. And your're totally right about the dollar thing. I should probably fix that :P Thank you so much for this review!

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Review #11, by IellwenThe Best Disguise for Shame: The Beginning of All Things

15th March 2014:
Since this is my very first time reading about Severus' parents, my mind is blown!

Thinking Severus could've led a perfectly normal childhood if he didn't show any potential for magic... But even though he'll grow up to be a wizard, it wasn't even him that let the cat out of the bag! Argh, curse you Eileen for putting such misery on your son! (she could've just *whoop* wiped his memory, hehe^^)

And Severus is so smart; he knows his mother uses the stick and does special tricks, but he didn't tell - he observed!

Tobias is such a bad father, I want to smack him! He doesn't even know if his son is also a 'freak', he just thinks it's so and calls him no son of his!

I just want to go and give child-Severus a big hug! It's just so sad!
I can't wait to read about when he meets Lily! :D

Author's Response: Oh my good sweet Lord, this is my first chapter that I ever posted on HPFF!! This story hasn't gotten reviews in like...YEARS haha I can't believe you are reading it!

I published this story in 2005, right after the 6th book came out. I wanted to know why things had happened like they had - what made Snape become a Death Eater, why did he kill Dumbledore? Of course, we know all the answers to those things now, but at the time it was a blank slate so...this is going to seem AU...very AU, but at the time it was not, I promise haha. I feel like I have to defend it when all you've said is nice things about it!

Thank you so much for this review, I'm so glad that you have enjoyed the first chapter! I really appreciate it!


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Review #12, by IellwenTask one challenge: The Hungarian Horntail.: Task one challenge: The Hungarian Horntail.

15th March 2014:
Slytherin AND a dragon - it's like a dream come true.

The way you used the prompts was so fluid, so smooth! I had completely forgotten they were part of the requirements!

I can totally imagine Salazar requesting to have his wand forged instead of having one choose him - it really fits to my perception of him!!! :D

I couldn't help but laugh at the idea of Salazar and Godric arguing about whether or not Hogwarts needed a dragon, Godric saying no and Salazar decided to do it BECAUSE he said no! ^^ It places the Founders in a light I had never thought of using to look at them until now!

Picture Hogwarts being guarded by a dragon, though!
I had to imagine, years later, The Giant Squid, The Dragon and Fluffy, playing with Hagrid... I can't decide if it'd be creepy or awesome. I'll go with freaky ^^

Man, riding a dragon without ending in its stomach would be great...!!

Go Slytherin!!! :D

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Review #13, by IellwenI'm sorry: I'm sorry

15th March 2014:
Hi there! So I was slithering around your author's page and just couldn't resist a Dramione (and I'm glad^^)!!

It was such an emotional read!
Draco and Hermione's pain, love and longing to be together but they can't because he's on a mission - heartbreaking!!

The characterization is awesome - even though the setting is vague, it's all still credible!
I love the way you showed Draco's weaker side and, at the same time, him putting his family above all else!

Spotted a few tiny bugs (hardly worth mentioning) on my way here :D
'I am Hermione.' kinda confused me at first - maybe adding a comma would smooth it over a bit? ^^
You had little spacing issue at
'[...] she hadn't realised that
Draco had used a [no-spoiling] on her until it was too late.'

It was a great read, thank you!!

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Review #14, by IellwenNoble: Noble

6th March 2014:
Hi Luluna!

I'm amazed again as I read your one-shot for the second time now... I smile and chuckle, frown and sneer... And the goosebumps! Don't get me started on the goosebumps I get during this read. I can't believe you wrote this in only a few hours! It's pure [Slytherin] genius!

Morfin is such a pathetic thing! I felt "Morfin soon forgets about the school. His days are repetitive and simple." described him so well, it was eerie!

I loved the short italic sentences, correspondence from the school the the Gaunt household.

The way you incorporate Merope, it's awesome; showing Morfin's ineptitude to comprehend the love she holds for the Muggle and maybe to comprehend love itself?

Morfin's obsession for snakes, their whispering... And his obsession with being Slytherin's heir... "Perhaps he is one of those poor souls who never merited a fate." This is were the goosebumps happen. Just before I finished reading this one-shot for the first time, I thought the (almost) exact same thing.

Staying credible, you managed to create something incredible. Amazing.

Thank you for writing this and many thanks for the read!

Go snakes!! :)

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Aw, thank you so much! I'm really happy you got goosebumps from reading it, that is rather how I felt when writing certain scenes. I had a lot of fun writing this, though it was very rushed, so I'm very pleased that you enjoyed it.

I know, poor Morfin. :( I actually felt really sorry for him and how pathetic his life was by the end of this. I'm pleased you liked the bits in italics as well and they seemed to fit.

Yes, Merope and Morfin are quite different! I imagined that in his way, Morfin does care about his sister, but he doesn't really understand love or care about it much. He loves himself, however.

I'm glad you liked the snakes, and being a Slytherin! Those two things were all he really had to be proud of. Ah, I liked that line as well. It really showed that his whole existence was quite pointless, which is sad in its own way.

Thank you for reading and reviewing, and I'm so happy you liked this! :) I really appreciate all your kind words! :D


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Review #15, by IellwenThis Night: This Night

3rd March 2014:
What a heartbreaking one-shot!

The way you used 'you' in your narration really pulls the reader in, becoming the protagonist so fully!! Amazing!
Such passion and pain! It all washed over me like a wave of sorrow!
Draco, letting her go even though so many emotions raged through him and still do, his longing but he's also resigned to have to let her go...

'She is safe, she is loved, she always will be; never happy and never with you.' sunk in like a knife

This blew my mind and is now most definitely one of my favorites.
Thank you so much for the amazing read!

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Review #16, by IellwenWhat A Girl Wants **Revised**: Lily's Background

1st March 2014:
Hi there, bingo time!! ^^

What a short chapter!

Omg, she's Hermione's daughter but has her father's green eyes? Omg, omg (I had completely overlooked the warnings & pairings! ^^)

I was wondering; Lily Anne is 18 but she's also a witch; did she go to a Muggle school or was she home-schooled by Hermione?
Aaah, I'm so curious, I really wanna know what happened to have Hermione leave with her and Harry's daughter!
Did she run away? Did something happen to Harry? Was he already married to Ginny? Ooooh, so many conspiracies! :D

That was a nice read, I'll have to read on :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review:) To answer your question, Lily did go to a muggle school. Hermione pretty much kept the Wizarding World at bay after she left Harry.

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Review #17, by IellwenThe Last Heir: Invisible

1st March 2014:
Hi there, it's bingo time! :D

What a great first chapter!
It introduces your protagonist through so many little details! And a Peverell, nonetheless!

The spacing was a bit wide - have you tried to 'paste as plain text' button (it works wonders) ^^
Had a little typo: 'remembering the look on m parents face'

So Charlotte is in her sixth year (did I understand right?) and runs into seducer Draco Malfoy; this promises an interesting romance with a good chemistry ^^

You've got my attention and will read more of me on further chapters ;) That was a great read!
Go Slytherin!! :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review and for your tip on my spacing! I will fix that mistake right now, thank you for pointing it out! Charlotte is in her fourth year, as the triwizard tournament is happening! I'll try and make that more clear!!

Thank you for the review, again, and I hope you like what is to come!

-Tori x


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Review #18, by IellwenChanging Paths: A Different Kind of Departure

1st March 2014:
Hi there, it's bingo time! :D

You had a few little typos:
'This'll be our best year yet. I can't see it now.'
'They shoul make those'
'can'r always trust the scale'

Maybe that's just me, but I was a bit confused when she was laying on her bed and then knocked on to her bed ^^
And did the bat hit her or was it her owl? Either way; must have hurt - she did see the pretty stars ;)

Why did Delilah call Veronica Harning "Brown"? Because of her hair color? :D I wonder what her 'clan' looks like (besides being a flock of mean girls, of course^^)

This is quite a nice introduction to your story and to Delilah!
This chapter sets a fun mood, shows her her a bit of her background and the reader learns about her and her friends and the rival. It promises a fun ride! :D

Author's Response: Whoops... I think I was planning on making her last name Brown but I changed it. I'll fix that and the other typos now. I appreciate the advice. (:

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Review #19, by IellwenMy Last Leg: My Last Leg

1st March 2014:
Hi there! It's bingo time!! :D

Oooh Dobby!!! I know how it ends but it's still so sad!!

Maybe that's just me, but I was a bit confused at first because the narration and the dialogs felt a bit like two different POVs. But there's a nice feeling to the thought of Dobby not thinking the same way he talks :)

Is the secret he didn't tell Harry Potter the fact that he's hurt? It wasn't quite clarified; maybe I missed a clue.
If it is, it's such an innocent thought, it's heartbreaking!

I love how you brought forth Dobby's last moments of glory. And Ron almost managed to ruin it all ^^
And Draco's eyes popping out like golf balls :D

I didn't get the chapter's title; that may be just me, though, because English isn't my native tongue? (sry^^) It's My Last Leg...?

That was a really nice read (even though it was sad). I've always loved Dobby (who doesn't?) ^^
Thanks for the read!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review :).

I know the ending of this is so sad. Dobby is my favourite character.

I didn't think anyone would think the way Dobby talks. I did try it out but it didn't sound very good.

Yes I always like the part where Dobby saves the day. When he knocks the chandelier down and no one knows who it is until they see Dobby in the doorway. ;)

In English there is a saying which is like I'm on my last leg.

Glad you enjoyed it,

HEG:)



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Review #20, by IellwenJames II and Lily II : James II and Lily II

1st March 2014:
Hi there! Hissin' at ya for the Blackout Battle!! :D

I have to say, I'm usually not much of a next generation fan but that was a refreshing read! Light and fun, spiced with a bit of action and emotions; read it in one go! ^^
I love the way Lily II looked at the tables as the Hat was mumbling about placing her, weighing the options and blowing it's own horn ('my amazing songs' ♥ !).
The relationship between the siblings is adorable and I inwardly squealed as James swooped in and sav-- I mean protected her like that :D

My fav' quote is either "We got a Potter! Take that, Gryffindor!" or "Turned out it was a ph-enix. Whatever." :D
Nice touch repeating the first sentences in the end and sprinkling love for the finale ^^

You have a slight spacing issue but it's no biggie (the curse of copy/pasting... Have you tried the "copy as plain text" button?). I have otherwise nothing else to point out :D

Thanks for such a nice read!
Cheers! :)

Author's Response: Roooarrr! Hehe.

I'm glad you liked it for a non-Next-Gen fan. The tables thing was me working out which house to put her in and deciding on Ravenclaw. I was going to get rid of it, but it actually fitted quite well, so I left it.

I got the siblings right? Yay! I wrote this for the Siblings Challenge, so that is definitely good to hear. :) James II is just the type to come swooping in and sav-- I mean protecting people like that. ;)

Oh wow thank you! I love it when people say they have a favourite part (it's only happened once before). Thank you so much! Haha, I wanted to point out the changes in Lily II's feelings towards James II.

Ack, spacing... I hate that problem. Thanks for pointing this out. (Yes, I have tried that button but it was with a chapter full of italics, which just annoyed me so I've kinda gone off that button. I can try it again though.)

You're welcome!
-Karou


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Review #21, by IellwenThe Father who Died: 31 October, 1981

20th February 2014:
Hi there, review swap! :D

That was amazingly gripping! You've brought so many familiar elements to a heartbreaking moment in Harry's history and I was hooked!

Aaargh! There are so many things that I loved, so I can't list them all without giving away too much...
The little details about the Dragons book, or picturing Harry living a normal childhood with his loving parents. How he has his mother's eyes and James's pride.
I love the way you used the quote and even managed to bring Sirius into the situation :D

Thanks for a brilliant read!
Cheers!

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it! It's the first scene I thought of when I got the quote, and it seemed perfect coming from James. The bit about Sirius I found rather sad, becaues (in my head) it never occured to James that he wouldn't be seeing his friend again. Even though he was worried for his son and wife, the thought that he would fail escaped him, and he didn't realize there wouldn't be a chance to tell his best friend about his encounter with Voldemort.

Anywho, thanks for a great swap!


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Review #22, by IellwenReading The Picture: Reading The Picture

14th February 2014:
Hi there! Review swap :D
I couldn't resist a Dramione!!

I really liked this one-shot; it's a light and enjoyable read.

I love that Hermione knows Draco's little secrets without them even being friends; just because she's been looking.
The idea of Malfoy being secretly interested in Muggle culture and history is an eternal plus point - though I don't know what Shug is (besides the slang word for 'sugar', apparently), could you add an A/N or a few lines about that children's book Draco is seen reading? :)
I love that you've given him secret glasses he only wears when he's alone.

It's interesting that Draco lets his guard down around her, sits down besides her during the sunset moment and brushes her hair off her face. And how he brushes it off her face again after her torture.

Their dialog is nice.
I had to read 'Beautiful' 'Don't get hurt, stupid Gryffindor' and 'Stay safe, bushy' 3 times because at first, I thought those were lines from 3 different persons (in that one particular context, maybe too much spacing? ^^) Don't get hurt and stay safe felt a bit redundant, so maybe one would be enough?

I love when she says his hands used to be so much softer; she thinks it, whispers it and then says it louder, I love it :D


All in all, it might do this one-shot some good if you took a few minutes to read it out loud to yourself (it's a tip I've been given; it works wonders^^) and added spacing here and there... You know, to nip the 'Blah-blah' effect in its bud ^^
I read the chapter three times, so I gathered most of the crucial info but I have to admit the read was a bit tedious - not because of your writing or the plot; I enjoyed both.
It really was the spacing (or lack of) Maybe that's just me, but I felt the story's flow was slowed down by the packed paragraphs... Since you're already separating the events & memories, maybe you could also air the ideas and actions a bit more?

Anyway. I really liked it, thanks for the read!
And Happy Valentine's ;)

Author's Response: This is a great review! I'm so glad that the affect that Hermione knows all his secrets came off. I haven't looked at this one shot in god knows how long and it's good to have some feedback.

When I wrote this I honestly didn't know anything about spacing. Since the queue has been moving so fast recently, I think I'll edit it tonight.

This was an amazingly helpful review. Thanks so much!


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Review #23, by IellwenThe Flesh of the Servant: Coward

4th February 2014:
Review swap!!!

Wow, well deserved justice!!!

I love that you added Pettigrew's childhood, to point out just how much of a coward he is and that you repeated that he's a special kind of coward, to let it sink in!

I love that Harry stunned Peter!! It's such an obvious solution!! And would have, indeed, taken care of many things and spared loads of lives! o_O

Harry gets to spend his summers with his godfather (&Remus) and normal years at school!!
Does that mean he did not have his romance with Cho? (Since Cedric lived and won) That the real Mad-eye Moody taught at Hogwarts (did he turn Draco into a ferret like the fake one did?^^)
And that Remus did not get together with Tonks? No Teddy?

It kind of feels unresolved, with Voldermort still roaming around as a shadow of himself - does that mean his Horcruxes aren't discovered by Dumbledore? That could mean Riddle could still come back, if only later...!
Aaaah! So many scenarios!! ^^

Wow, that was a real nice read - thank you so much for writing it :D

Author's Response: Sometimes it just takes me forever to respond to reviews! (Sorry!)

Wherever I begin a chapter seems to outline the remainder of the chapter, no matter how I've planned it. His childhood was a fun area to explore!

Heh, I reread that scene several times in PoA before writing this, attempting to figure out how things could have gone differently. Instead of being stunned, like watching a train wreck happen, I decided that somebody (Harry) should take action, instead.

There are a ton of occurrences that *could* have happened. I've been playing with ideas that could happen if I were to turn the one-shot into a short story.

It does, but the one-shot couldn't justify an actual solution to Voldemort. Since Peter, being a rat animagus, couldn't speak to the rats to hear the stories of the shadow in the Albanian forest, though *somebody* might have figured it out. My best guess would be that Bellatrix would eventually figure that one out, after the series of Azkaban escapes and whatnot, and seek to find him.

Thanks for the swap! :D


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Review #24, by IellwenBludgers and D̶e̶s̶e̶r̶t̶e̶d̶ Corridors: Bludgers and D-e-s-e-r-t-e-d Corridors

4th February 2014:
Review swap!!!


That was such a nice read!! I love pieces that 'fill in' JKR's work and accurately place it!


I love how you introduce the Bludger! :D I was so enthralled by Ginny's description, it completely threw me off balance ^^

Their kiss is so cute (their breath synchronize!!!), I always loved the Dean/Ginny 'ship!!!


I love that you brought up Dean & Seamus's fight and, in every way, Dean's slight awkwardness and how uncomfortable he feels a little!
D.Thomas deserved a POV and I really enjoyed reading this!
I also loved how you wrote out his thoughts then switched to narration for global events, without writing along inner monologue about his fight with Seamus!


This is immediately going in my favorites!! :D

Author's Response: Awww thanks for such a nice review!

I love new POV stories, as well, so it was really nice to write this one :D

I am so glad that you picked up on all the little things I tried to put in there! Reading your take on them and knowing you liked them really made my day! I also love Dean and thought it was about time he got some attention :D

AHHH thanks so much for the favorite :D I'm so glad you liked it!


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Review #25, by IellwenNED: 1

4th February 2014:
Review swap!! :D

That was so adorable! Reading really put me a good mood! :D
I don't know neither the book, nor the movie so I guess it's "half as fun" for me..? ((Didn't feel like I needed to know the original story though, I enjoyed this one-shot as it is :) )

"You see that gaggle of shrieking women over there?" must be my favorite sentence - I didn't know the word gaggle so I learned sth new (a flock of at least 5 geese that is not in flight) :D and the mental picture was so funny!!
Although... "Oh! Well I've had someone tell me they were a moon archaeologist, one was a dragon wrestler, another was a Russian asassin* " (and Gregory's reaction!!) also had me laughing!! :D(*the typo isn't from your text; the review didn't allow a second S ^^)

I love the "NED" - the summary had me hooked already :D
What person wouldn't feel at least one teeny tiny bit jealous with a Lucy at their side?
I really love how Molly is a Healer, working for herself and others. She deserves a happy ending :)

Have you considered writing a sequel/ turning this into a short story?^^ I'd definitely read it!!

Again, I really loved reading this - I'll be keeping this soothing pearl for rainy days :D

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