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Reading Reviews From Member: Sunflower
  
90 Reviews Found

Review #51, by SunflowerHold Back The Tears: Prologue

14th December 2008:
Hey, your requested review:]
You have some grammar mistakes here and there in the story, one is this: in the short summary of the chapter-thingy: loose is lose.

- He was the boy who was your first kiss, most likely in a game of truth-or-dare. He would be the type of kid who would take you to the school balls or dances if you didnít have a date. He would dance to your favorite songs. He was the best friend you had ever dreamed of. He was omnipresence in your life, wasnít he, and I bet that you couldnít ever think of life without him. -WOW!! amazing... absolutely breathtaking. I adored that part. so heartfelt, and so so sad. Beautiful.

The way you write captures the reader and makes us want to read on, very well done!

It was a very well written chapter, I loved it all and youve got me hooked. Cant wait to read the next!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing. I'm so glad you liked it :)

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Review #52, by SunflowerLily and Me: Elly

9th December 2008:
wow... that was... sad and... kinda creepy?

While I lie here, in the darkness of the night, just on the edge of going into 'The Forgotten' and I can see movement in the shadows, I should tell you who I am.
- this part doesn't work for me quite; the last part seems very sudden and doesn't really fit with the rest.

either it should be;
While I lie here, in the darkness of the night, just on the edge of going into 'The Forgotten' where I can see movement in the shadows, I should tell you who I am.

or

While I lie here, in the darkness of the night, just on the edge of going into 'The Forgotten', I should tell you who I am.

other than that this was a really nice piece - not that fluffy I'd say but it gave a whole new perspective on things.

Congrats on the ending: it was totally unexpected that Lily would be dead.

I thought it was very sad: to be lost and not be found before your owner is gone. I wouldn't think I would be with her forever because she wouldn't be there, she would be like him, unmovable. Dead. But, yeah, guess it's a bear's pov :P

It was a very very nice and different story:]

Author's Response: thank you.
I'll change the part that you pointed out =]
I wrote this because I like doing different POV's that haven't been done before.
And about the ending, the bear will live on forever and ever, and it doesn't really think about the fact that it's owner is dead, just that its back with her.
thanks!


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Review #53, by SunflowerOne word: That Was All It Took

9th November 2008:
that was beautiful. very poignant and touching. I love Snape's description of Lily, how good he sees her. Standing on the sideline, watching. I feel bad for Snape, which is prob what you were going for in this piece.
I like the fact that he says he cant love anyone other than Lily Evans. There are stories with him with other girls, but I think it is so much more likely that he would never move on. Jk showed us that; he hadnt moved on, he told Dumbledore.

It was beautiful. What pulled me in first was in the summary, this line:

in one word, my whole world came crashing down. Crunched into tiny pieces like when you take autumn leaves and scrunch them in your hand.

I loved that part about the leaves, adored it.

The things where he says hearts are easily corrupted; I love the fact you used that, seeing as his own was corrupted by her.
It was very short, but I loved it nonetheless.

Beautifully written!

xx

Author's Response: oh thank you so much! I love beautiful reviews like this!
umm, this was a bit of a difficult piece to write, but I really enjoyed stepping into my definition of Snape's shoes.
And the autumn leaves thing was a personal anecdote, so thanks heaps
So thanks for your BRILLIANT review, and keep leaving them!


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Review #54, by SunflowerSimply Sirius: Boys are like Earrings

26th October 2008:
i cant believe this story just popped into your head at 1 am and its like this!! amazing. It reminds me of the book This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen, an amazing book. Your writing is brilliant!

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Review #55, by SunflowerSimply Sirius: The Good of Womankind

26th October 2008:
Wonderful!!! the flow in your story is really good. you dont make abrubt cuts or anything. really good!

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Review #56, by SunflowerSimply Sirius: Love Triangles are for Losers

26th October 2008:
This was so good!! :D Im on the hook now, cant wait to read more!!! xx

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Review #57, by SunflowerDecember's Frost.: Death's First Calling

10th June 2008:
Well, I'm intriqued.. Good job I am VERY curious as to how this'll turn out!
xx

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm so glad to have intrigued you. I have a chapter waiting validation right now so hopefully that'll be out soon. Once more thank you for the review.

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Review #58, by SunflowerThe Wizarding Act of 1978: Chapter 6 - The Fight

4th June 2008:
The 100th review:P I'm so nice that I post this just so I can be the 100th reviewer!:P Anyways, loved the story, loved everything. I'm addicted! Keep up the good work! xx

Author's Response: Haha. Thanks. :) Glad you liked it. And I didn't even know I was up to 100 reviews. LoL. Thanks so much!

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Review #59, by SunflowerFamily Legacies: Family Legacies

3rd June 2008:
It's beautiful, magnificent... I loved the whole bit, the little things you never said but hinted and just the way you portrayed Bella, Narcissa - the Black sisters. The explanation to how Bellatrix Lestrange turned out was ever so well thought through, I loved it. .

Author's Response: Thanks so much! This is one of my favorites but one of the least read. I am glad you liked it!

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Review #60, by SunflowerDelicate: Boys Don't Cry

30th May 2008:
I'm absolutely addicted to this story!
Yay, loved the whole thing especially this bit:

"Right, so go ahead," says Dom angrily, "Tell me I'm stupid. Tell me I'm a bitch."

You're a stupid bitch.

"I'm not going to call you a bitch," I say, "It's not my place. But you do realise what you're doing isn't right don't you?"

- beautiful!

xx

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Review #61, by SunflowerFold: Do You Realize?

18th May 2008:
Well, that was beautiful! One thing (and the only!) with Sirius's you don't write Sirius's, but Sirius':] That's it! Well done

Author's Response: Oh! Well, in English I was told that you would only use the "s'" if it was "Jesus'" but to use "Sirius's" for everything else. So, I guess different styles? (:
Thanks!!


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Review #62, by SunflowerForever And A Day: Forever And A Day

18th May 2008:
I agree with the other reviewers, except I don't think it's "cute". It's beautiful, incredibly well-written, tormenting, haunting, so so so sad and a brilliant piece of writing. I had tears in my eyes at the end. I loved it. 10/10

Author's Response: Wow...Thank you, truly. =] It's a hard thing, sometimes, for a writer to elicit such emotion from a reader (and when it's not more than a small chapter long, to boot) so I'm pleased that you felt that way about it. Thanks for leaving me a review!

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Review #63, by SunflowerHis Angel: His Angel

18th May 2008:
Hi:] I'll start with the less fun things:

Line nr 9: There's a different tense there than the rest, you've switched to present instead of past, the same goes for the 4th and the 5th line-break. as well as the 10th line-break in the very last sentence. There're a numerous other places where the same problem appears and I think you should go through the piece again and decide whether it's in the past or in the present, you can't have both.

I loved this bit:
Her love for him was strong just as mine was for her, the only difference was that she got her happy ending. - heartbreaking, wonderfully so.

It was very well-written persisting the confusing switching between tense's. Heartbreaking and sad. Wonderful my dear:]

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Review #64, by SunflowerThe Taste of Freedom: The Taste of Freedom

18th May 2008:
wow.. beautiful really. Quite beautiful characterisation of Bellatrix, especially the very last bit:

Even as the pain rips through my body, I rejoice in the knowledge that it is he who watches me writhe on the floor of the cave. I welcome the agony, knowing that it his his magic touching my body. I will gladly suffer the torture if it means I can be close to my master.

That's SO Bellatrix. Beautiful. Voldemort is also portrayed to perfection in this one-shot.

One thing I think you should work on is making your stories unique. Give them a twist, make another title than My Name is Bellatrix Lestrange, which is a boring title that doesn't catch your eye as much as one that makes you think a bit over what the heck it's all about.

Give her something that is her, a tendensy she does or a term she uses, you need to make your story stand out and right now the story is incredibly well-written but nothing pops, it doesn't catch you, make your story memorable and not just the typical scene we all can picture.

A story like Liquid Sunshine by PreTeenWriter; the title says it all, you WONDER, and it's unique, it is made unique by one thing; liquid sunshine and there you have the title.

A one-shot needs something special about it and I think your story is one of the most well-written things I've ever read here on HPFF, but that's not enough.

Some others are Light Bulb Nudity by sixty and Do We Not Bleed by Daanana, Vermillion by OvergrownEden9 and Meet Me When It Rains by my voice rising.

Check them out, and it doesn't have to be much, but just have some sort of thing of originality; it can be a quote, a line, a character, something the readers will remember.

Also, get a summary; I nearly didn't read this because I had no idea what the story was about- yes a portrayal of Bellatrix, but it said nothing more and nor did the title.

Tres importante; if you don't have a summary people are already more likely not to read it.

A banner from The Dark Arts (link up in the Get Help bit under pictures or something,) would also help and although you don't HAVE to, it really helps. I'm sorry to say it but a lot of readers read the stories with the most exciting banners. You don't have to pay anything for a banner and there's an Up for Graps bit where there're a lot of beautiful Bellatrix-banners in. Maybe you have a thing against banners, but it's just a sugestion and it never hurt anyone to try.

All of these things will help you get recognition for your beautiful work.

You're such an incredibly talented writer, you just need to make the stories so undeniably yours.

All these things are suggestions and maybe you think it's below you to get a banner and stuff in order to get people to read your stories, but that's reality and let's face it; we HAVE to judge the story on something and the graphics certainly play a role in that judgement unfortunately as well as the summary.

Anyways, good luck, take care.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the advice. And I appreciate the lovely compliments!

The first thing I have to respond to is the bit about the title. I'm so uncreative when it comes to titles! I sit up at night thinking about what the heck I'm gonna name something, and when I finally come up with a title, it's a crappy one that's a product of complete desperation. It's a quirk of mine, albeit a really annoying one. I'll do my best to come up with another one.

The next thing, about the banner. I agree that I should get a banner made. I was going to for a while, and then I was dunked under the never-ceasing flow of homework, piano practicing, horse exercising/tuning up for show time, and writing a novel I've been working on for ages. No one probably cares what I do with my spare time, but I felt like a reason was needed for my awful procrastination about getting a banner made. Again, I promise that I will work on it!

You're the best kind of reviewer. I appreciate the advice/compliments a ton. You've brought my attention back to the important aspects of writing a story!
~Sayla
P.S. I'll check out the stories you recommended.


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Review #65, by SunflowerThe Watchers.: Protection

18th May 2008:
wow... I loved your last two chapters, only I think it would make it all a whole lot easier to understand if you make the things written in the past italic, it's a teensy bit confusing. Otherwise it was ever so well-written and I loved every bit of it:]

Author's Response: thank you!

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Review #66, by SunflowerFarewell, My Love: Farewell My Love

18th May 2008:
A very sad one-shot. It was well-written, but watch out for spelling mistakes; waste is waist and also small typo's:]

I just wondered; what about the time when Sirius was out from Azkaban, on the run? She didn't see him there? Okay, just me pondering:P

I thought the story was well-written but I dunno, I felt it was slightly rushed and description-wise I thought it lacked a lot.

This is just my opinion and the story is not AT ALL bad, on the contrary, it's quite good, I'm only writing this to help you improve.

Author's Response: I agree. I did rush it. I was inspired quickly at like 3 in the morning from the picture of Diane Kruger in my banner. I was thinking of making this more into a series or whatnot but my muses just never cooperated. Yeah, I didn't beta this one so there are probably a lot of mistakes. Thanks for the review and it means a lot to me. As for when Sirius escaped, I thought of that, but yeah after the fact. Like I said, wrote at 3 AM. :D

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Review #67, by SunflowerImpetuous Affiliations: Beneath the Surface

8th May 2008:
It was beautiful yet again as always:] Still don't get why people haven't reviewed, your story is one of the most well-written stories I've come across here. Well, keep going!

Author's Response: I do feel slightly disheartened by the lack of reviews, but then again that's not why I'm writing the story!

I really appreciate that you always take the time to post a review and that you are always so complimentary. Your reviews always make me happy.

thank you
xoxo


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Review #68, by SunflowerImpetuous Affiliations: Kiss and Humiliate

26th April 2008:
Wow... I'm in awe...

Wonderful yet again:]

It's so nice with those long chapters, everything is so well-written and the characteriation of Draco... Perfect, you've captured him perfectly and especially the last bit with the patronus. He keeps on going about how he couldn't be more happy (The mirror of Erised and all that) and then he can't even find a happy enough memory to make a corporal patronus, it just portrays him really well, incredible story!


10/10

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so very much!

I really appreciate your feedback and that you pick up on the fine details of the story. It gives me more incentive.

xoxo


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Review #69, by SunflowerDelicate: Learning to Live Again

15th April 2008:
I love this story... Yay! :P Nice chap:]

Author's Response: Thank you! (",)

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Review #70, by SunflowerDelicate: It Can't Get Any Worse...Right?

15th April 2008:
Hi:] I absolutely LOVE this story!! I'm so rubbish at reviewing, but anyways, it's such a great story, keep going and all, WONDERFUL! xx

Author's Response: Thanks so much! (",)

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Review #71, by SunflowerShe Will Be Loved: She Will Be Loved

10th April 2008:
Wonderful story:] Really nice, bitter-sweet and beautiful... good job:] xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I'm glad you liked it :)

- Lily xxx


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Review #72, by SunflowerLearning to Listen: Chapter 1 - On Her Way

8th April 2008:
I don't get why people don't review??!!! It's beautifully written though, really good:] Keep up the good work, it's a wonderful story:)

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Review #73, by SunflowerImpetuous Affiliations: Natural Splendor

8th April 2008:
I have been quite horrible, since I know how much I, myself thrive on feedback, so the excuses for not reviewing are quite feeble... I've got this story favourited, so I ought to review - and I haven't... This story is GREAT, honestly, why are people not reviewing??? I love it, keep going and all that :P

Grrr.. suck at reviews...

xx

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I'm not particularly fantastic with reviewing either so I don't really blame anyone. (Although I would like to have more!)

I'm glad you like my story.
xoxo



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Review #74, by SunflowerLiquid Sunshine: Liquid Sunshine

16th March 2008:
It wasn't that confusing I'd say:] I loved it, absolutely loved it. Especially this part:

'When I was three years old, I was asked what my favourite feeling was. I doodled a small picture of a sunny sun being blocked by a cloud and scribbled clumsily underneath it, Rain. I remember crying when my teacher told me not so gently that 'rain' was not a feeling.
It rained the day my mother spilt the wine. '

Wonderful.. I really loved it, maybe some don't like it or get it, but I think it's beautifully written:)

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Review #75, by SunflowerSomething So Simple: Something So Simple

1st March 2008:
It's beautiful, wonderful, amazing:] I loved it, and really liked how it was written, unusual and great:] beautifully written

Author's Response: Aw, thank you very much, Sunflower! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it. :)

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