i think you handled this story very well.
it didnt entirely stray away from the characters true
personalities, which is hard to do when writing a Dramione fic.
i really enjoyed reading it.
keep up the good work :]
-olivia Report Review
this was a great story.
it reminded me of how my story "The Secret Life of Lily Evans"
was originally written, before the staff made me change it.
mine was literally just as graphic as yours and
i got away with it for a few weeks, then suddenly i logged on one day and my story had been hidden.
it took me 2 weeks to revise it enough to get it posted back up.
i told you this as a forwarning, it may happen to you as well.
all it takes is the wrong staff member reading it and they will be after you.
i would like to thank you though...
haha this story was so erotic i had to take a break to
have a quickie with my boyfriend lol.
aside from that, the actual story was wonderful.
it was believable and awesomely written.
you have serious talent my dear :] Report Review
OH MY GOD!
I really usually dont read stories unless they are romance, but this is just...awesome.
I already feel addicted to it.
You seriously have to let me know when you update this again...pm me or something.
It is so well written, and has so many details that it just kind of draws you in and holds you til you finish reading.
I have to let my friend know about this too, I'm pretty sure she will enjoy it as well.
Please update soon, I cant think of any criticism,
just let me know when you've got more validated.
Anxiously waiting =]
- oliviaAuthor's Response: Hi Olivia! Thanks a million, you're so nice :) I'm glad you're already addicted to it and I will let you know when I update! Report Review
Ok, I dont want you to take what I'm saying the wrong way. The story is good,
it just seems to similar to what happened in the book/movie.
It seems like all you did was put Amy in place of Harry in some of the situations, or put both of them in the scene.
Its just...idk. But I was able to predict what was going to be said/done because I've read the book and scene the movie.
Maybe you need to try to be a bit more original with it.
You write really well, its just originality you need to work on.Author's Response: ok, next chapter is WAY different from the book/movie. Report Review
I couldnt help but notice the similarities at the end of this chapter to OOTP.
Pretty much everything that was said when Moody, Tonks, and Remus picked Harry up you wrote down in here...idk that just seemed, strange.Author's Response: oh... well i.. *hides under desk in shame* um.. i dont really know why the story is so familiar to OOTP, it well... idrk. Report Review
Aww. I think its adorable how all the children are friends despite the parents' history.
I think its kind of strange how every chapter has been in a different persons point of view, but it doesnt always have to follow the mold.
Anywho, love the story.
Keep up the good work!
You have a few spelling errors but again, who cares?
If it bothers people that much its their problem.
Let me know when you write more to this, just pm me and I'll be sure to read it =]Author's Response: Thank you, thank you--oh, my God, THANK YOU!!!
Everyone seems to adore the idea of the children all being friends. It didn't strike me as out-of-the-ordinary, but the reviews I've gotten for it are so beautifully wonderful, it must be (unless you’re all so kind).
I don't exactly like working from one viewpoint because it gets boring for me. I'm always afraid, though, that the readers will get to confused and agitated. But, primarily, it is in the viewpoint of Draco, Hermione, Ron, Nikita (who'll you'll all meet later), Rose and Scorpius. Hopefully it’s not too confusing.
As for spelling errors--*growls* It doesn't matter how much you check over a document, they’re always bloody there. Ah!
Thank you, thank you, thank you so, so, so very much for taking the time to read and review every chapter. I'm flabbergasted you like it, but exceptionally pleased. Thank you so much, and I'll be sure to PM because your reviews made me blush and beam. Thank you!!! Report Review
Ohhh thats so horrible.
Scorpius seems so cute. Reading about his little card made me laugh. The blobs.haha.
The ending of this chapter didnt put me off,
it just makes me want to read more to see where the story goes now.Author's Response: Thank you!!! I still, despite everyone's wonderful reviews, don't like this chapter. It's like an inner war rages between us. Grr ... Just thinking about it makes me shudder.
Yes, I love Scorpius ^-^ He is, in spite of what little information we are given of him, my favourite character. I wanted to mould him perfectly into the son no one would expect Draco Malfoy to have.
Thank you again for reviewing!!! My day is wonderful, now =D Report Review
This is such a deep story.
Wow...I really really am enjoying reading this.
All the emotions are so well written and its completely believable.
You've done extremely well =DAuthor's Response: Oh, my--Thank you so, so, so much!! You've made my day with all your reviews--you're so incrediably sweet and kind XD Thank you, and it makes me so happy you like it (I'm bemused that you do ...)! Report Review
Love truly can make you sick. I've been there far to many times.
She seemed a bit OOC to me, and I think thats why I enjoyed it.
When authors put their own twist on the characters, it makes the story way more interesting.
Next chapter!Author's Response: Ugh, I know, aye. There's this saying: 'Love is honest, love is kind. Love is cruel, love is blind.' I believe that totally and follow it unconditionally, because it's so true--love does make you sick (but it can also make you extremely, extremely happy, so it's a two way street, really).
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I did change Hermione a bit, but I think it was for the better (for the better of my story, anyway *lol*).
Thanks again for reviewing. I enjoy answering them almost as much as reading them XP Report Review
The emotion and depth in Draco's thoughts in this was really well written.
I'll have to read more to let you know what I think of the story, but so far its intriguing.
Off to read more =]Author's Response: Thank you!!! I tried hard to capture Draco's character as a youth in his older self, so to hear I did well makes me so, so, so happy!
I'm glad you like it so far, and thank you so much for taking the time to review =D Report Review
This was so sweet.
Poor Severus, its actually nice to read about the tender side of him.
He's always written as the callous teacher at Hogwarts.
You've done really well with this.
It flows well, the dialog is good, and the descriptions are really good.
Keep up the good work.
If you write any more stories about Snape please let me know, I would love to read them =]Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much! I will definitely let you know if I write another Snape centric fiction! :) Thank you so much!! Report Review
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those stories I get addicted to.
Your descriptions are so good!
I thought the bit at the end about the chocolate frog was cool, I dont know why but it just added to the story in its own way.
I really dont have any criticism for you right now.
You've done really well.
Let me know when you get more chapters up please, i would love to read and review them too =]Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed it (and chocolate frogs are involved in the next chapter too!) - of course I'll let you know when more chapters are up! x Report Review
Wow this is great =]
I have to tell you, I got uber excited when I saw it was a Draco/Hermione story.
They happen to be my favorite pairing.
You seem to be portraying everyones characters really well.
I laughed so hard when I read Ron's pick up line lol.
It was soo corny.
Umm..dont really know what else to say so onto chapter 2!Author's Response: thank you! I love Dramione too...just such a cool contrast! x Report Review
I'm so sad that there isnt more of this for me to read now.
Its always depressing when you get attached to a story and then have to wait for an update.
Oh well...I'll manage somehow.
Just know that I love this story.
You're doing a really good job, I cant wait to read more =]Author's Response: Aw, I'll hurry up with the next chapter. All this positive feedback will go to my head, I swear.
I'll let you know when the next chapter is up.
Thanks for your reviews :) Report Review
This story is adorable.
I was picking up on the Remus/Lily thing there haha.
Its great that she has to stay in their dorm now, I can only imagine how awkward that would be.
Poor girl.Author's Response: Thanks :)
I really can't imagine Lily with anyone but James, so when I reread my chapter, I got a bit freaked out by how much it seemed like a Remus/Lily. That's why I had to put in the warning. I don't want anyone to be getting the wrong idea.
Thanks for the reviews :) Report Review
Great chapter =]
I seriously dont see how this is your first fanfiction.
You write so well, I cant find anything to criticize.
And it just doesnt seem fair because my reviews seem short and pointless = /
I mean, you have description down to a science.
Your dialogs are good.
The story flows and doesnt skip around,
so what am I supposed to say? lol
I guess just keep up the good work!
You dont seem to be needing my help =DAuthor's Response: Aw, that's so sweet. Thank you :)
Your reviews are great.
I don't need your help?
My dear, reviews are inspiration.
You inspire me :) Report Review
I'm definitely just gonna drop the whole 'pro' act lol. This is a great story. I loved how random the owl was just flying through the window in the middle of dinner. Obviously you have description down too. I loved the bit about the potato stuck on the owls beak. I think you are portraying the characters very well so far, sticking to canon. Now, i must read yet another chapter. =DAuthor's Response: ROFL. It's kinda hard, isn't it?
Thanks! I needed the owl to defuse the tension a bit- I'm not huge on pages and pages of dead serious action, there needs to be a bit of humour in there as well!
Thanks for reviewing. I hope you keep reading =] Report Review
Gosh, I'm trying to be all professional about this and be reserved, i just cant do it. I really like this! I cant quite put my finger on whats so great about it, but its slowly drawing me in. Somehow your story seems to remind me of my friend's, KaraBlack, stories. I seriously would never have known this was your first fan-fic if you hadnt said it. I have to commend you on that because most people cant do that. Now, i need to stop rambling and move on to the next chapter =]Author's Response: Haha, I do that too! I try to give a really professional-sounding review, but usually end up gushing over how great the story was.
Thank you very much!
So i agreed to review and here i am. lol.
Ok, story sounds great so far. I cant really say much so far because there wasnt much to this chapter. I couldnt find anything bad so far so thats good as well. There arent any noticeable spelling mistakes or anything. I really cant tell this is your first fan-fiction.
Kudos to you!
On to chapter two..Author's Response: Thanks! I was really nervous about putting this up on the Internet, but so far all the feedback's been positive which is great.
Thanks for the review =] Report Review
Ahh Slytherins...gotta love the cruelty. lol.
I'm dissapointed i didnt get to read about the first kiss or any of that, but if you are willing to request a review later i'll be glad to read the rest of this.
Overall, i think the plot is good and sturdy. Its interesting and can go in many different directions. You are very descriptive, which helps the reader to visualize the story, making it more interesting. I really dont have anything bad to say about it. The minor spelling errors...everyone makes them, its not a big deal. Like i said earlier, you may want to consider getting a beta as well. You'll notice the improvement in your writing. Finally, the dialogs, towards the end it became a bit more natural sounding, but still a little stiff. Work on those things and keep up the good writing! I really enjoyed reading this, and i hope i was able to help, if not, im sorry.
Thank you for sending me your story. Feel free to send me more chapters as you get them submitted. =]Author's Response: I will work on the area that you pointed out. I plan on having the first kiss later on in the story. I will defiantly request a review from you later when I have more chapters up. Report Review
Aww Draco's conflicted. I love slash stories where the guys are to concerned about their reputations to admit their feelings. You seem to be doing really well on descriptions. I'm glad you have that down, its extremely annoying when a story jumps around because they dont explain things. Umm...other than that i dont know what to say so, on to chapter four!Author's Response: I am glad that you like the descripitions. Report Review
So it begins lol.
Ok, Draco/Blaise slashes happen to be my favorite just for a bit of background information. This story has a lot of potential, i cant wait to see where you take it. Other than the dialog, there were a few minor spelling errors but noones perfect so its not a big deal. You could try getting a beta if you want. They tend to be really helpful and its almost like having a second head to think with. That made no sense at all...lol.
My friend recently got a beta and her stories improved drastically. Beta's read your story and get to know it as well as you do. If you ever have writers block they can give you ideas as well. Its completely up to you, but i would recommend one, it would make things easier for you.
One last thing, you said Bellatrix was overzealous in the way she handles her missions Voldemort gives her because she is trying to restore the Malfoy family name. According to the books, she was always on Voldemorts good side. The Lestranges were the only Death Eaters he felt remained truly loyal to him. I dont believe she would find it necessary to try and honor the Malfoys, when she is so obviously on his good side.
On to chapter three.
I'm halfway through! =]Author's Response: I will defiantly get a beta for my story. Spelling and grammer is not my strongest point. Report Review
Ok. There really isnt much i can say about this chapter so far. It seems like its just leading up to the story. There was one thing i noticed about your dialog though. It doesnt sound like something teenagers would actually say. I mean, i know Draco is an aristocrat and they are all British, meaning less contractions, but i just cant picture someone really talking like this. For example:
"You have stated this useless piece of information over and over again Pansy.”
I definitely understand Draco talking to Pansy so angry, but when you made him say 'stated', it seems weird. Try basing your dialogs on the way you hear people talk. People in England obviously speak more proper English than Americans. So try writing the dialog normal, then going back and taking out contractions and adding in a few British slang terms here and there as needed.
I hope this helped so far. I'm looking forward to reading more of this =]Author's Response: I know the dialogue is somewhat forced (which is the biggest understatement ever). I think I was trying so hard to make them sound different, that I went a tad bit overboard. I will go back and fix it. Report Review
that was beautiful.
i love this story soo much.
omg..i didnt think i would ever like a one-shot this much.
you also helped me discover my new favorite ship
draco/luna is amazing...so thanks for making me obsessed lol.
off to read more draco/luna stories!Author's Response: I'm very very happy that you liked this story. ^_^ And I'm glad that you fell for Draco/Luna. Thank you so much for the lovely review. Report Review
this is what ive been waiting for.
it was soo sweet and innocent i love it.
ive seriously been waiting for you to write a
i love your story, keep up the good work =] Report Review
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