Reading Reviews From Member: Unwritten Curse
  
418 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Love Struck, Much?

3rd February 2016:
Yay! An update! I saw your post over at the forums and got super excited. :)

First, I have to say SIRIUS YOU'RE AN IDIOT. "Oh, Remus is going to be ill that day because it's the full moon and… oh, wait, I gave too much away. Silly me. Might as well just tell you all that HE'S A WEREWOLF." (Okay, obviously he didn't say that, but he might as well have. He's being careless and that makes me nervous).

The love triangle is heating up! I love that Lily is discovering potential feelings for James, though she still seems to dislike him most of the time. But at the same time, I feel sad for Marlene. Especially after Mary mentioned James making googly eyes at Lily IN FRONT OF Marlene. I knew this would end in heart break for her. It looks as though it's already begun.

The Marauders' quest to become Animagi is still super awesomely cool. That it turned James's eye blue is such a fascinating twist! Again, did you come up with that yourself? Or did you research it? Either way, it's awesome. It was hilarious when he had to squint and therefore performed poorly in class and the teacher walked away shaking her head. EVEN THOUGH James was actually doing awesomely well at deflecting Lily's hexes.

By the way, you're once again doing an AWESOME job at foreshadowing. James's work in becoming an Animagus is making him a better wizard which will make him an AWESOME Order member.

Anyway.

I don't even want to mention the last scene because it makes me so sad. I still don't like Snape but I want better for him than that. He strikes me as similar to Regulus in that they both got roped into the Dark Arts. To fulfill some sort of "destiny." Sad.

SO HAPPY TO SEE THIS UPDATE. Keep up the great work. :)

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #2, by Unwritten CurseThe Center of the Sun: The Center of the Sun

30th January 2016:
I had to come re-read this when I saw you'd posted it. And ah! I loved it just as much as the first time I read it. I still get butterflies when they make eye contact and I still want to cry when they're, well, you know. ;) Which, again, is such a strange thing to feel when reading an entry for the Smut-tastic challenge but you write it so beautifully that it's no wonder they eventually marry. They're so clearly meant to be.

I'm going to make it a point to read more of your stuff now. If this is the writing you produce when you're struggling with a prompt, I can't wait to see what you can do when you're not struggling.

Thanks for letting me read this "in advance." I'm honored!

--Gina

Author's Response: Awww, Gina, it was so sweet of you to leave a review!

I know I already said this, but I can't tell you how much your encouragement helped reassure me when I went to post this. *hug*

Hmmm, I'm not sure how to feel about you wanting to cry, but you seem to think it's good, so I'll take it! :P Thank you!

I really love this ship, especially since I read Kill Your Darlings by Lavender Blue. (Have you read that? OMG it's perfection.) I think they're among my OTPs now. So, yeah, I definitely agree that they are meant to be!

Ahhh, what an amazing nice thing for you to say! Thank you! If you do read my other stories, I hope they don't disappoint!

You can quick beta for me ANY time, girl! Don't thank me - I should be thanking you! (And I do! Definitely!)

This review made me so so happy! *hug*
xoxo Renee


 Report Review

Review #3, by Unwritten CurseBreathe: ix. Breathe

30th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

*sobbing*

Not even kidding. I am crying. (Not sure if you know this about me but I am the biggest sap in the world.) This was beautiful. I love so many things about this chapter. I love that Sirius has a family now, a family that loves him and appreciates him and a family that makes saying goodbye hard. I love that he's so excited about going back to Hogwarts, that he calls it "home." I love that he's back in his element. And I love that REMUS IS TALKING TO HIM AND SMILING AT HIM and that the last line is "And he breathed." (I'm crying again just thinking about that last line.)

This is a genuinely beautiful story and if I haven't favorited it yet, I am favoriting it now. Your writing is stunning and your characterizations are complex and you handle sensitive issues with grace.

I genuinely feel like a learned a lot about gender identity through reading this story, so thank you for that. It's such a fascinating thing to learn about. Sad, too, because I know that many are bullied and depressed because of the judgment that is rampant all around us. Many don't understand. Writing this story is helping others to understand. That's one of the reasons I love fiction--it can help those who read it to develop empathy for people who are different than us. And that's really, really cool.

I'm a huge fan of yours. :)

--Gina

Author's Response: Hey Gina!

Aw, I shouldn't feel happy that I made you cry :') It just means a lot to me that you enjoy this story so much. Also, I am a huge sap too and cry at fanfiction (and books, and movies, and tv shows, and songs...) all the time.

Honestly, I'm still learning about gender identity (as I'm cisgender) and have other people to thank for teaching me what I do know. So I'm really glad that this story helped you out, and I hope that you'll continue to learn and increase your understanding!

I basically have heart eyes over this whole review. Thank you so much for all your nice words, Gina :)

-Kayla


 Report Review

Review #4, by Unwritten CurseBreathe: viii. Celebration

30th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD gave me an excuse to finally review this chapter. I think I've read the last chapter (when it was in the queue) but I realize now that I've never read this one. And this is the one I was so looking forward to (and dreading, a bit, like Sirius at the beginning of this chapter).

I loved this, Kayla. You write this scene so beautifully and believably. I felt for Sirius, especially when he was holding his skirt and worrying over putting it on. I was worried for him. I know that it's what he wants--what he needs--but I completely understand his nervousness. This is a huge deal. And he couldn't know how people would react.

I'm so glad he had James with him. What a good friend. I was tearing up a bit when they were dancing together and goofing off and James didn't give a crap what other people thought. He's a genuine friend and it makes things even sadder knowing that he dies young. I can't imagine how hard that loss was for Sirius.

But YAY SIRIUS. I'm so so proud of him for being courageous and putting on that skirt even though he knew people would stare. And stare they did, but he stopped caring. He was totally right--they were strangers and they didn't matter. He has friends who love him and that's what matters. They accept him no matter what.

So much love for this chapter. I can't wait to re-read and review the last chapter. :)

--Gina

Author's Response: GINA!

Your reviews on this story are always so lovely. It makes me so, so happy to know how much you enjoy reading this.

Aw man, did you have to bring James dying young into this?! :( That loss would absolutely hit Sirius so hard and he had 12 years alone in a cell to dwell on it... :( BOO I'm going to focus on the happy moment in this story. I think James is such a deeply loyal person, and Sirius is like his brother. Of course he would support Sirius in this moment :D Their friendship is so wonderful.

Aw, it makes me smile so much whenever people leave reviews saying they're proud of Sirius. Like it honestly makes me feel like my heart is swelling in my chest. I got so invested in this story while I wrote it, and so invested in Sirius' character in particular, and I'm proud of him too :') I know that probably sounds silly because, like, I wrote the story... but oh well :P

Anyways, thank you so much for the wonderful review, Gina! :D

-Kayla


 Report Review

Review #5, by Unwritten CurseFracture: Shattered

28th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

*hysteric crying*

*sniffling*

*crude nose-blowing*

Okay, I'm here.

And I don't know what to say.

So I'll start with a logistical question because I can't deal with my emotions right now.

Did you do research on magical weddings? Are they like Unbreakable Vows? I thought the scene were their marriage vows are reversed was quite interesting, with the golden bands coming undone. Or did you make that up? Either way, it's fascinating stuff. It makes wizard weddings seem more… special? Permanent? I don't know, but it's really neat.

I don't know what to say about Teddy. He's completely irredeemable at this point and it makes me so sad. How will his family treat him after this? Will this tear them apart? And how will Victoire deal with this? Is she going to be okay? She deserves love. She deserves someone who will be patient and kind, like she had been with Teddy before her STEPPED ALL OVER HER POOR, FRAGILE HEART.

This is such a complex story. You explore war and mental illness and heartache and inadequacy and familial relationships and aloneness and hurt and potential healing. I'm in awe of your skills and at the way you manage to paint such a vast story with so few words.

Just wow.

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #6, by Unwritten CurseFracture: Crumbling

28th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

"Our marriage bed has become our funeral pyre and our relationship is slowly dying on it." - OMG. You really have a way with words. This is stunning.

Again, you manage to pack so much power into so few words. The scene in which Teddy is drunk and they end up in bed and then we end with a short sentence: "In the morning, Teddy doesn't remember." Such a simple sentence, but it carries a great deal of emotion. And your choice to end the section on that line was spot on. The pause afterwards gives us time to soak in those words (and cry hysterically…).

AND NOW IT'S OFFICIAL. I HATE TEDDY. HOW DARE HE. HOW DARE HE USE HIS EMOTIONAL SCARS TO PULL AWAY FROM VICTOIRE AND ACT LIKE IT'S ALL HER FAULT AND THEN SLEEP WITH SOME OTHER WOMAN. I HATE HIM. I HATE EVERY LAST BIT OF HIM.

Everyone always seems to depict Teddy as this perfect, do-good guy and I've always liked that portrayal, but I suppose being raised by Harry and co. doesn't mean he'll be a good guy. Some people just aren't good guys and maybe Teddy wasn't one of them.

Then again, we're also not getting his side of the story… But what on earth could Victoire have possibly done wrong?

*cries herself to sleep*

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #7, by Unwritten CurseFracture: Comme ci, Comme ça

28th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

This is so hard. I'm having a really hard time not hating Teddy for the way he's treating Victoire. He's being a total monster to her and she still hasn't left him. She's being so kind and patient and instead of being grateful he's treating her like crap.

But at the same time I know why. I know it's because he's struggling with his own inner demons and I can't imagine how hard that struggle is.

Gah. I just… How far can we blame mental illness? You know? Where is the line between mental illness and a person being a jerk? How much slack can we cut him? If he won't even seek help, then… then I can be mad at him, right?

I'm so conflicted.

And I feel so heartbroken for Victoire.

I'm sad that she feels like an outsider with her own family. She needs support. I'm glad her family is at least thinking of her and Teddy, suggesting a place for therapy and whatnot. But I wish she had someone to talk to, you know? Someone to really talk to. Maybe she can go to therapy herself.

This is so sad…

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #8, by Unwritten CurseFracture: Rumblings of War

28th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

I…

*sobs*

This is really beautiful. I keep saying that and I probably sound like a broken record but I just can't image what else I can say, what other word I can use. Beautiful is what keeps coming to mind. The words you use, the issues you face head on, the characters as they blossom and wilt. Oh my heart.

I'm guessing that Teddy is experiencing PTSD in this section and I think you depict it well. It's very sad to see this happening to a hero and equally as sad to see it beginning to tear apart their relationship. Their marriage. (Which, by the way, I loved the snippet in which they are married and it's a simple affair with lilies and… I'm rambling now, but that was a memorable scene.)

I hate seeing Victoire like this. I mean, this is how I picture her: always trying to smooth out a conflict and always looking for the good in people, even if she gets hurt. But I hate that she's hurting here. Her good nature means that she's getting taken advantage of. How sad.

Off to the next chapter for more heartache…

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #9, by Unwritten CurseFracture: First Love

28th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

I can't believe I haven't read this yet! I've been meaning to read the other Super Microfiction entries. I'm so attracted to writing that's quick and concise. It's thrilling.

Anyway…

This is another clever piece. Seeing snapshots into Victoire and Teddy's relationship, moving from a crush to a relationship to an engagement. I literally felt butterflies when Teddy pulled her aside to tell her that he loved her. Genuine butterflies. That was a sweet moment and the contrast added to that--that she was running late, being a bit short with him, and he just gently said, "I love you."

*sigh*

I'm nervous to keep reading now because I know what's coming. Based on the summary and the banner I just… I can't do it, Kaitlin. You're going to break my heart again!

Also, are these snippets all exactly 100 words? Because if so, that is incredible. You never cease to surprise and amaze me!

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #10, by Unwritten CurseBroomstick Races: Bittersweet

28th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

This is a beautiful moment. You write second person so well, Kaitlin. I've always found second person to be especially moving and you choose it at the all the right moments. This was an emotional piece and second person drew those emotions out even more so.

I've always liked Angelina. I think you characterize her well, here. I like her insistence on talking about flying, because it suits her character, what with her being on the team (and being Captain) but it also shows her kinder side. She's trying to distract Ginny from her grief.

And the kiss. Oh the kiss! So sweet. It felt 100% believable to me. I like the repeated fire imagery here. The way you begin with the image of Ginny's hair being fiery red and then end with fire spreading through her (Angelina's) body as they kiss. It made everything come full circle which was very satisfying.

I'm not sure if this would ultimately fit into canon or not. I kind of like to think that it does. That Ginny and Angelina have this stolen moment before they both go on to marry others and lead separate lives. It makes it more romantic.

Well done!

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #11, by Unwritten CurseImagine: Dream

28th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

KAITLIN STOP IT.

YOU ARE TOO GOOD AT THIS.

I HATE YOU AND I LOVE YOU ALL AT ONCE.

I'M SORRY FOR THE YELLY CAPS BUT I CAN'T CONTAIN MY EMOTION FOR THIS PIECE. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

Okay, I'll take caps lock of and be professional.

So I'm teaching a unit on poetry right now and I'm trying to get my students to comprehend the notion of a "turn." Poems should be surprising and the best way to surprise your audience is by changing their perspective. And this story does that. Because they're all nerds and love fanfiction, I may just share this with them. I hope that's okay with you.

Because GIRL YOU TRICKED ME. But I'm not mad about it. Not anymore. ;)

This is so beautiful. I've always wondered what Dumbledore saw in the Mirror of Erised (obviously not socks) but I was content with not knowing because nothing I could think of was ever good enough. You know? Dumbledore is still the best wizard who ever lived, in my opinion, and nothing ever seemed to suit him. But this… This is exactly right. This is perfect.

Oh my heart. What are you doing to me?

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #12, by Unwritten CurseThe End: Feelings

28th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

Oh my god.

I…

Kaitlin, this is stunning.

I really, really mean it.

I love the use of second person here. You write it beautifully and you drop just enough hints that this is Harry, summoning images of the war and of Voldemort killing him.

What a clever, clever idea. That he didn't physically die, but something inside of him did die. That something is gone and won't ever come back.

I felt this piece so strongly. The idea that he wants to flee to the far corners of the earth… that really struck me.

Every single word is useful in this piece. You use your words economically so that 500 words pack the punch of a whole freaking novel. You do that through concrete images and through handling time so brilliantly--with flashbacks and flash forwards and ponderings.

I'm so impressed by this piece. This is definitely in my top three favorites of yours.

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #13, by Unwritten CurseTime For Bed: Getting Ready

28th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

I LOVED THIS, KAITLIN.

This is exactly how I picture adult Neville. Still somewhat unsure of himself, still forgetful, but so loving and so passionate about his job. He's perfect.

I couldn't help but giggle at him rehearsing his speech. I do this at the beginning of every semester. Sometimes I do it in the car on the way to school, too. When I'm teaching a particularly difficult lesson and I want to get the words right. So it made me happy to see Neville rehearsing, too.

The dynamic between Hannah and Neville is so sweet. I loved her comment about "quality cuddle time." They are too precious. Literally everything in this story is my head canon of Neville. I can imagine his relationship being quirky like this. ;)

And the flossing. Oh my heavens. I literally feel like you're writing about me. Haha! I floss literally every day and literally every day my gums bleed. Kaitlin do you have cameras in my bathroom?!

AND THE DETAIL ABOUT THE TOOTHPASTE CAP TWISTING BACK ON. Ahahahahaha. I laughed so hard. You put in such endearing details. You're really good at that. At bringing a scene to life through the small details.

You're a rockstar.

(Also, thanks for inspiring me to be a better reviewer. You always participate so much in these battles and do review swaps and everything. I admire that. So I'm pushing myself to be better.)

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #14, by Unwritten CurseStranger: 7 Years Old

28th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

I just HAD to read this as soon as I saw it was for the Cisgender Challenge. I've been really excited to read all the entries. I'm too busy to write one myself but I love this challenge and I'm sure a lot of great fiction will come from it.

Anyway…

This was a great opening. It's always interesting to me that young children are already so aware of their gender identity. That they can sense that something is off. I don't remember being that mature as a child but I'm sure something this big challenges the way they see themselves even before they can articulate exactly what it means.

Hopefully that made sense.

Her mother is awful, by the way. Just awful. She'll petrify Millicent if she doesn't put on her robes? What? I want to slap that woman. And what's wrong with the color green? It's a Slytherin color. You'd think her mom would appreciate that, at least.

You've already made me fall for little Millicent. I'm rooting for her.

Great work, as always. :)

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #15, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Impulses

27th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

THIS REVIEW MAY BE IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I NEED TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS.

AND MY FEELINGS ARE THAT THIS STORY IS FREAKING INCREDIBLE.

THE SCENE WHERE THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT ADHARA'S WOUND AND HOW IT MAY NEVER HEAL AND HOW THEY WANT HER KEPT AT HOGWARTS AND HOW IT MAY BE A PLOY TO KEEP THE MINISTRY FROM LOOKING BAD AND HOW EVERYONE IS KEEPING QUIET I JUST. I CAN'T. IT WAS BRILLIANTLY DONE. YOU ARE SO GOOD AT THIS WRITING THING.

Okay, I jumped ahead of myself. I went straight to this review box after reading that scene so that you could get my in-the-moment reaction. But I have to go back and make a comment about the Animagus scene. That was so clever! Did you do research to discover the 32 steps or did you make the up? Because they are so believable. I loved the idea of willing the DNA to morph.

But back to Adhara. I am so appalled that her own brother would curse her! She could… could she die from this? I really, really hope not.

Lily's speech about magic gave me goosebumps. How she hoped it would be the solution and now she's discovering there are dark motives afloat, and that magic can be twisted… I was riveted by that scene. Your dialogue is, once again, stunning. And your characters are evermore complex.

Which leads me to Sirius. I'm so glad he's talking to Adhara now. That he's giving her the benefit of the doubt. I think he understands now that she's like him. That she wants to be her own person and escape her family's dark legacy but she can't. I sincerely hope she gets better but I'm a bit worried that she won't, mainly because your other characters are all canon yet Adhara is not.

Looking forward to an update!

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #16, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Hogwarts, Times Three

27th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

Lily and James flirting. LOVE. They may not even realize that their bickering is flirting but it's obvious they like each other. Lily's just going to be stubborn and not admit it for years… *sigh*

Speaking of crushes, I already feel sad for Marlene. Because I know that James only has eyes for Lily. I mean, maybe in the meantime, before Lily admits her feelings, something will happen between James and Marlene. But it'll end in heartbreak for her.

Ah, it was the Bones who died in the last chapter. I'm quite fond of that family. Especially Amelia. Mainly because I'm writing a story starring her currently (and I always fall in love with any character I write (maybe I should try writing Snape…)) but also because I think she's such a strong character. She suffered so much loss. Losing her parents and then her brother. And she joined the Ministry in order to prevent that from happening to other families. She locked up the bad guys and worked towards peace. She's awesome.

Anyway, loving more of the Marauders and their schemes. I remember now that they began their Animagi journey in third year. You've done your research! (Oh, and the birth of the title "Moony" was just perfect.)

One more chapter! Oh my! I see from your Author's Note that you're planning to update frequently and for that I am grateful!

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #17, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: The Uprising

27th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

o.o Who was the girl in the first chapter? Did she die? I… *cries*

Oh sweet relief. To follow that first snippet with a McKinnon reunion. I was thrilled to see Matthew home safe. All because he's a Pureblood… Oh well. At least he's alive and well.

Again, YOUR CHARACTERS ARE SO STINKING COMPLEX. I almost cried when Lily went to see Petunia to make sure she's okay. Sometimes I forget that they must've been close at one point. Before Lily went off to Hogwarts and Petunia got left behind. It's sad, really. We don't ever see young Petunia in the books. We just see her being horrible to Harry and I think we forget that she was basically abandoned (not that Lily meant to abandon her). She obviously let her jealousy go too far, but she's not such a black and white character after all.

And oh, Sirius and Ted. LOVE their banter when they first meet each other, and the "I like him!" moment. It made me smile.

I'm probably forgetting to mention other parts that I liked, so I apologize for that. I hope I've expressed enough how much I'm enjoying this story, because I really am. This deserves more reads and reviews!

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #18, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Quidditch and Consequences

27th January 2016:
Team Gold

I love this story.

I just love it so stinking much.

I love all the characters and plots and conflicts that you're twisting together BEAUTIFULLY.

I was so enthralled by the Quidditch match. I couldn't believe Adhara would throw the game! I was so angry at her! But then she came out of nowhere and fought for the win. It all made sense when her brother tried to hex her. She was afraid. She was afraid of the emotional and physical torment that she'd receive if she actually played for Gryffindor. But some part of her must've been unable to sit back and let Slytherin win so she threw herself into the match in true Gryffindor fashion.

It seems the terror is building. We're coming closer to war now. Adding the newspaper clippings is a wise move. It gives us a better idea of the world at large, outside of Hogwarts' walls.

I'm sad that Marlene is now in danger of losing a family member like Dorcas, but I'm glad they have each other to lean on. The friendships are developing naturally and beautifully in this story. The Marauders, too! That they're already considering becoming Animagi to help Remus. I love the bonds you've created here. :)

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #19, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Snowballs And Showdown

27th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

I was so happy to see this chapter start off with a longer scene. I was so absorbed in the action, from the joy and recklessness of a snowball fight with friends to the quiet fury of overhearing the Slytherin's awful words to the palpable tension of the fight. Your pacing is beautiful and your characterization stunning. You write action quite well and I'm jealous!

SIRIUS AND REGULUS. *melt*

Your dialogue in this chapter is phenomenal. I feel like I'm running out of adjectives to describe how FANTASTIC and BRILLIANT (there I go reusing adjectives) this chapter is. It is, in my opinion, your best yet. I can see you growing as a writer with each chapter and that is cool to see.

These characters are so complex. I loved seeing Lily stick up for Severus (which is totally uncharacteristic of me considering how conflicted I am about Snape as a character). When she said that line about James deserving what he got, I gasped. Literally. I was so surprised she would say that and strangely so thrilled that she said it because it showed how complex of a character she is. She feels so real to me.

Reading about the specifics of Remus's transformation was terrifying. And sad. :(

ADHARA. I don't know what to think about this girl! I thought she was a good girl… Is she really going to throw the game? Has she really been deceiving the Gryffindors this whole time? I hope not. I hope she just said that to appease her brother but is actually planning to play her heart out.

I guess we'll see…

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #20, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Quidditch and Queer Things

27th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

There are so many good lines in this chapter.

When they're talking about You Know Who and Lily says, "No, I don't know who."

Telling Sirius to try out for Beater to get out his pent-up anger

"Professor Snuffed-it"

The "your hair looks ridiculous"/"your face looks weird" exchange

The "advice" about hanging naked from a tree covered in… was it dung beetles?

Okay, back to the plot.

Poor Dorcas. I wondered whose body had been found. I'm sad to discover it was her father's. It was a bit of a rude awakening for Lily but she had to find out eventually. Again, you are connecting dots for me and I LOVE it. It's like you're putting puzzle pieces together, creating a Lily who will dive head first into work for the Order in the future. Nicely done.

Also WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SIRIUS? Why is he so antagonistic? Does he think that Adhara is prejudiced like her family? She's hurting, too. I hope he apologizes for being so cold.

THE MARAUDERS ARE SO SMART, THOUGH. They figured it all out! Well, they're smart, but it's also because they care so much about their friends. They were worried about him so of course they'd want to figure out what was wrong and potentially help. I really, really liked the last scene, where they "confront" him because it's so gentle and roundabout, and they allow Remus the power to come to them. I didn't expect that but it was SO brilliant and it makes me love the Marauders even more.

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #21, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express, Take Two

27th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

I can't handle this. This is so beautiful. That first scene had me in tears. I love Adhara's mother. And I feel so sad for her, that she married a man that she can't "stand up to." That they're both trapped by prejudice.

That her grandmother was a Gryffindor makes me so happy. She can hold on to that little secret and I'm sure it will make her stronger. It seems that her situation is at least better that Sirius's.

Oh, Andromeda. I always wondered if her and Sirius were close after they both broke away from their families. They must've been. I love this letter she sent him, offering him advice on breaking free. I liked the detail you added about her trying to find a job but having no contacts. I hadn't thought about things like that, but it makes sense, and it makes escaping the Black regime even more frightening.

I was sad to see Regulus and Sirius's relationship beginning to dissolve. I love both of them. SO MUCH. And it breaks my heart to see them fighting. Their relationship is the most fascinating relationship in the series (in my opinion). I'm happy to see it including in this story because it's an essential part of Sirius's upbringing--it has an effect on him now and certainly into the future.

Okay, now I feel bad for Snape again. DANG IT you are too good at writing Snape. You may make me like him after all.

I also can't wait to see what shenanigans the marauders get into with the Invisibility Cloak.

One last quick note: I may have missed a note about this in the last chapter, but I was a bit shocked by the time jump in this chapter. Was I reading too fast? Did I miss a warning that we were about to fast-forward? I tend to do that sometimes… But anyway, once I got into the flow of the chapter, it wasn't an issue anymore. But I wanted to mention it anyway.

Okay, next chapter.

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #22, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Broomsticks and Bernacle Juice

27th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

Gah Severus. He was so kind to Lily, reassuring her that she'd be just fine on a broomstick, then James got involved and he got mean. I've always found Snape to be such a frustrating character. He's got a good heart and ultimately good intentions, but he's so… petty. I'm not sure if that's the right word. But he frustrates me because I'm never sure whether he's good or bad. You know? I'm just rambling now but all of this is to say that I think you write him very well. You capture the frustrating nature of his personality and my annoyance means you've done your job as a writer.

Remus is so kind to include Peter. You're just making their friendship more and more believable with every passing chapter. I love it.

Speaking of believable, I'm loving Lily's introduction to the wizarding world. I liked the scene of her in Potions, soaking the leaves in warm water, and Slughorn saying that Muggleborns were judged too quickly. I couldn't help but smile. It makes so much sense now why she was so bookish and intent on keeping her grades up. It was like she had a point to prove. Like Hermione.

Awww Adhara. Poor thing. I wondered why she had pulled Sirius aside in the previous chapter. Now it all makes sense. They're both going through the same thing. I SMELL A FUTURE ROMANCE. Just saying. ;)

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #23, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Laying the Bricks

27th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

Okay, I rarely do this, but I just have to for this story. I'm going to review as I read because there are so many wonderful moments that I need to keep track of.

1. REMUS WAKING THE MARAUDERS UP. I'm in love. I laughed out loud when he was like, "At the risk of being called 'Dad' again…"

2. That Sirius woke up for the chocolate pudding. AHAHA.

3. I hate her. Sirius's mum. I'd never thought of her actually going to Hogwarts to complain, but I totally believe she would do that. Poor Sirius. He's made out to be such a disappointment just for being sorted into Gryffindor. And as a fellow Gryffindor, I'm sure you're just as offended as I am. We're the house of the brave for crying out loud!

4. You wrote Slughorn beautifully. Always shmoozing.

5. I like that you've mentioned the Marauders being the only four Gryffindor boys in their year. I've often thought about that--if there were others in their dorm. I like that it's only them, because it makes their bond even more believable. If it was always the four of them, I can see that friendship perpetuated into adulthood.

I forget what number I'm on, but this is more of an overall comment anyway: I like the short scenes. It allows you to reveal more about the characters, which is useful at the beginning of the story. I am selfishly hoping that the scenes get longer and longer as we go, just because it's easier for me to fall into a story when the scenes are longer. But you are the author of this beautiful story so I bow to your will. Haha.

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #24, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: First Impressions, Undone

27th January 2016:
Back again for TEAM GOLD

MARAUDERS UNITE. Ah, I was waiting for this scene and it did not disappoint. I loved that it was shown to us via Sirius because a) he's my favorite and b) I TOTALLY agree with your Author's Note. Of the four, Sirius and Remus have been through the most hardship. It's difficult to say who's had it worse. Having a family that is prejudiced and cruel and that basically disowns you for trying to be your own person… or having a loving family but having to suffer through monthly transformations into a mindless, savage wolf. I don't know what would be worse, honestly. So long story short, I don't know who would be more mature but I can definitely see Sirius being more mature than James simple because of all he's suffered.

I forgot to mention Lily in my last review. She's such a little sweetie! I love that she found a friend who's eager to learn more about Muggle things and isn't prejudiced. AND FABIAN OMG. I'm a total fangirl so I loved seeing him as Prefect.

And off to the next chapter!

--Gina

 Report Review

Review #25, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Signed, Sealed and Delivered.

27th January 2016:
Here for the Review Battle!

This is already a fantastic story. I loved getting these insights into the marauders receiving their letters. Back before they were friends--how odd to see them this way. ;) I'm looking forward to when they meet and how they handle Hogwarts for their first year.

Okay, James's family is my favorite. His dad is adorable, pretending to forget his son's birthday. That's something my dad would've done (and probably did do, now that I think about it). It's so fitting for the Potter family. I know that James's parents were older so the silly jokes and doting on James make so much sense.

And the gratitude that Remus's parents had… I got a bit choked up at that part. I think you wrote Dumbledore so well. I especially like the wink he gave little Remus. ;)

Okay, this is stunning: "Her aristocratic looks had bestowed her with an archaic beauty, which coupled with an air of conceit and vanity commanded grudging respect." I can't wait for Sirius to get out of there and have room to breathe. His family sounds so suffocating.

I think you did Peter justice as well. Obviously he's the least favorite of the marauders. Kind of a bummer that he was friends with them, considering how he turned out, but he was their friend. They let him in on so many secrets and he did willingly become an Animagus to help Remus. So he deserves a part in their story. I was glad to see him painted so empathetically.

Off to the next chapter I go!

--Gina

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>