Reading Reviews From Member: Unwritten Curse
427 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Unwritten CurseEvolution: Words of Wisdom

30th April 2016:
What a wonderful addition! I'm loving Francis Potter, and I'm so glad that you've included James's family in this piece (from your A/N, I'm assuming that will continue). Francis is cleverly done. I can tell by the way he speaks that he's older (and wise), that he loves James (especially with the teasing), and that he was very much like James as a kid.

I find it fascinating that both James and Lily seem to be on a sort of precipice entering their sixth year. They're both facing some changes that will ultimately help them to grow (and to grow together, in time). Are we going back to Hogwarts soon? Because I am desperate to see how they interact after "the incident." :)

-- Gina

Author's Response: -grumble- This is my least favorite chapter because it's so short. -end grumble- I'm determined to come back and flesh it out more, but it's good that you got the right read on Francis (ahem...Fleamont? Yuck...). Still one of my big frustrations is not having been able to do more with the family dynamic in the story as it's really something I wanted to hit harder and so I'll have to try and draw on your comments here to see how I can weave both parents in better even while the kiddos are at school.

You're absolutely right about the precipice though, which is exactly where I wanted them poised. That first interaction is also something I may want to tweak a little (I like it as is, but you raise a good point about what happened at the end of 5th and how that would likely play in...or maybe not...maybe like I originally thought she's kind of laid that to bed by then...second guessing myself :p).

Back to Hogwarts next!

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Review #2, by Unwritten CurseEvolution: The End of the Line

30th April 2016:
This is beautiful. Truly beautiful.

I think you write Lily better than you write James. And please don't take this as a criticism of your characterization of the latter, because you already know how well I think you write James, it's just... This is Lily. Complex and thoughtful and eloquent and mature. This is everything I imagine Lily to be and that you captured everything in one chapter is astounding.

The letter almost made me cry. I can imagine how hard it was to write it, especially considering their shared history. Snape was her first magical friend, her introduction to the wizarding world, and closing that door must have been excruciating. But it was best for her. (And hopefully a wake-up call to Snape.)

I'm excited to see how this changes her relationship with James. Will they become friends now?

On to the next!

-- Gina

Author's Response: I'm glad you like Lily too! I will say that I think I had a better handle on Lily at this point than I did on James because even though she's female, I feel like I was a lot more like Lily than James at that stage of my life. Well...more than feel like - I WAS.

My hope in edits is to come back and make this character much more apparent in the first half of the story, which I just...don't think does her justice until much later chapters because I let things get too James-focused to retain her depth. I'd be interested to see what you think of her as the story progresses and thoughts you have on how I might make changes that make that happen!

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Review #3, by Unwritten CurseEvolution: Ain't No Sunshine

30th April 2016:
Hi Kevin!

I'm so glad that you're up for Hot Seat Reviews because it gives me an excuse to give you the reviews I owe you (and hopefully more, because you were SO generous during our fundraiser).

I really admire your writing and this chapter is no different. It's amazing how you can pull off an entire chapter of reminiscence without me feeling bored for one second. This feels like the perfect rendition of James--especially at this time in his life, when he's beginning to mature and to see Lily as a human being rather than a girl to tease. He's dealing with a lot at this point. A friend who is a werewolf. A rivalry that has gone a bit too far. Blossoming feelings. You write him well.

Your A/N made me even more excited to read your story. I think your trepidation at this not being a "quick fix" and at the James/OC and Lily/OC relationships is ironic, because those things actually make me want to read the story even more, as they reassure me it won't be the cliche Jily fic. Thanks for taking on this project. I'm looking forward to reading more.

-- Gina

Author's Response: Gina! Hello! Sorry I'm horribly late responding.

I'm glad you enjoyed the opening chapter. I keep saying this to people and it's such a challenge for me because as time has gone on there's SO MUCH about the beginning of the story I'd like to change. Y'all are making me come around to the idea that maybe I leave this chapter alone though :p

I'm also glad that you like the slow-burn plan. I'm (obviously) very tied to it, but I am also cognizant of the fact that MANY James/Lily shippers wants quick hits, or really enjoy that always-latent sexual tension that boils over in a fight or similar love-hate style treatments of the pairing that I just...meh...don't like. My hope is that by the end though, people will think it was worth the journey.

Thanks so much for your feedback!

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Review #4, by Unwritten CurseThe Unmarried Weasley: The Unmarried Weasley

15th April 2016:
Ysh, I don't have words right now.

I'm sitting here a crying mess because I loved this story and because I love you and I feel so blessed to call you a friend.

Cue the mush:

I LOVE TONKS AND CHARLIE. It's official. I love them. I loved when Charlie made the comment about Slytherins and Tonks was all "My mother was in Slytherin" and when Tonks came to him to ask to be friends again and she kept saying "something like that" and then CHARLIE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE and the final scene was what had me crying because she loves Remus but Charlie still loves her and everything is just so sad but so perfect.


I see now that they couldn't be together because Charlie is a free spirit. He roams. And Tonks, despite her goofiness, needs stability. I don't blame her. She comes from a pretty rocky family background so it makes sense that she craves a healthy, stable home. Remus could've given that to her. And he did, for a short time. *cries harder*

You're such an incredible writer, Ysh. I am going to reread this story again and again because it's just so stunning. The dialogue and the characterization are perfect. Tonks is perfect. Charlie is perfect (shame on him for sleeping with a bunch of girls in an attempt to get over Tonks, but teenage boys can be stupid). I just love this.

Thank you.

xx Gina

Author's Response: Aw, the mushiness is getting to me too...

I was a little hesitant about whether or not you'd like this story because it isn't a canon pairing and I didn't know how you felt about it. I'm just so happy you liked it!!

Ahh yes, that part in the beginning, I wanted to show a little bit of the Black blood in Tonks, she IS 1/2 Black isn't she?

And yes, I see Tonks, the true Hufflepuff in her wouldn't want excitement but rather stability and being grounded, which Remus did give her *cries*

Thank you so much for the lovely review, and I'm honestly so so so glad you liked it!! This one is for you for being a wonderful staffer and an amazing friend!


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Review #5, by Unwritten CursePride, Prejudice and Purebloods: Shaking

3rd April 2016:
Hi hun! Review swap time. :)

This Eve girl is ev-il. (Get it?) She's such a jerk and I just want to punch her in the face, BUT there's another side to her and that was shown in the first bit. She's caught up in something scary, so while most of me hates her, another part of me feels scared for her. I hope she'll be okay.

The contrast from the first bit to the bit with the marauders was hilarious. They always lighten the mood. :) I wonder what will happen as they continue interacting with the Slytherins. Will they somehow make peace? (And who will win the duel?)

I'd love to know more about how they became enemies. Did something happen between them? Or is it just a natural Gryffindor vs. Slytherin thing? Or maybe Sirius's family knows her family as part of the pureblood community. Were they ever friends? Did that fall apart when Sirius betrayed his family?

So curious!


Author's Response: Eve-il, that made me giggle :')

I'm glad you liked the part with the marauders! You have lots of questions and the answer to some of them is yes, and some no, but I better not tell you which, haha.

Thank you for the lovely review, I'm glad I saw your status on the forums because I really enjoyed reading your work!

-Kate :)

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Review #6, by Unwritten CurseWildest Dreams: Wildest Dreams

3rd April 2016:
Hello! Here for our review swap. I was compelled by the summary and had to take a look.

First things first, your writing is stunning. Here are a couple lines I love:

"It amazed Dominique how much empty space there was out in the south, yet the Americans still built their cities towards the sky."

"It looked as if the whole ocean lived in her eyes."

The story itself is so clever. Dominique on a pilgrimage of sorts to find herself, and then ending on the same note for Fitzgerald. Their stories align beautifully and their separation is heartbreaking.

I also want to respond to your author's note: I don't think this story is cheesy. I think it's sad. Let me explain. I don't believe that Dominique was really in love with this man. I believe that she believed she was in love, but she strikes me as a tragic character, a character who is beautiful and loved by many, but who doesn't love herself. So to have this attention from a man feels like love to her. She craves the validation. And that's why I don't think it's cheesy, nor do I think it's "love at first sight." I think Dominique is so deluded by a lack of self-worth or self-love or something that she believes she needs this man she barely met.

That's why this story is tragic.

And beautiful.

I hope that made sense. I really enjoyed reading this piece.


Author's Response: Hello Gina!

Thank you for the review, I'm glad you liked this story.

I also certainly believe that Dominique is someone who doesn't really know what true love is. My backstory for her is sort of that this trip to America is her trying to find herself, but it doesn't quite pan out right. I like that you view her as a tragic character rather than a romantic one, I think it's fitting as well.

Thanks again for your review and insights!


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Review #7, by Unwritten Curseto the end of time: New Friends

3rd April 2016:
Here for our swap!

I was drawn in by this story immediately because I've never read a Lavender/Parvati and I'm totally intrigued by it. I don't particularly like Lavender in the series but fanfiction is making her more bearable. (haha)

I can't imagine having a twin and being sorted into a different house. You write that beautifully. I was curious why you didn't include all the hubbub about Harry Potter, but then I realized that "Potter" comes after "Patil" and that Parvati probably didn't care about the rest of the sorting after she'd been split from her sister. She probably just shut everything out in her sadness and her fear.

Lavender seems so sweet here, too. Kind of annoying, but in a good way--she doesn't want Parvati to be sad and in this situation her persistence was needed.

Anyway, this is a cool first chapter. I'd love to come back and read more soon. :)


Author's Response: Hey, Gina! Thanks for the swap!

I wasn't a fan of Lavender before writing this story either, but it's been so much fun reimagining how she would act and everything.

You're not the first person to mention the Harry thing and I'm just going to pretend that I meant to do exactly what you said haha. In all honesty, I kind of forgot about Harry being Sorted? But I guess it worked out in the end :P

Thanks again for the review!


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Review #8, by Unwritten CurseJourney Into The Unknown: Journey Into The Unknown

3rd April 2016:
Woah, this is so cool!

First, I think it's interesting that you wrote about a Metamorphmagus other than Tonks (and that you mentioned Tonks at the end--loved that).

I also liked that the mother was a Muggle because it gave an interesting perspective to her daughter's transformations. I can't imagine how frightening it would be to think that you wouldn't recognize your own daughter! (Also, I think it's cool that a pureblood wizard married a Muggle--it shows that the world is becoming more accepting and that's a sweet detail)

My only complaint is that this chapter is so short! I want more! I want to see what happens next. :)


Author's Response: I might write a sequel. I'm just thinking about how to do it.

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Review #9, by Unwritten CurseIn The End: Chapter One

3rd April 2016:
What a sweet chapter. I can see Tonks' resilient spirit here and that's great to see. You write her well!

I wonder what will happen now that she has found him. I hope they can have a heartfelt talk about their feelings and that Remus will listen to her. Remus can be quite stubborn but Tonks really loves him, and that comes across here with her worrying about his safety.

Just a suggestion: Try using active voice rather than passive voice. Passive voice uses the verb "to be" and it takes away the opportunity to use more vivid language. So instead of saying things like "Sirius is curious..." etc., try painting the picture with active verbs, like "Sirius frowns, gazing at her curiously." That way you're painting a picture for your readers and you can evoke more emotion. I hope that makes sense!

I hope you'll continue this story soon. :)


Author's Response: I am planning other chapters. I will keep your tips in mind. I just want to write well. Thank you for your tips.

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Review #10, by Unwritten CurseHero: One Day at a Time

3rd April 2016:
Hi hun. Thanks for review swapping with me. :)

This is quite an interesting premise. I've not read many stories where Tom Riddle is a student and I have to admit my curiosity to see what you will do with him and how this will all pan out, especially with a protagonist who does not fit for the mold for a pureblood.

You build suspense well, too. I'm dying to know who Noah is--did she really kill him?--and how Tom is involved. She seems like a good girl so I can't fathom it was on purpose if she did kill him.

There's so much I want to know about her! She's from a pureblood family, I gather, since her parents were upset about her being in Gryffindor. But how does her brother feel about all this? Has she thought about moving away from home? Does she fight the stereotypes?

I think questions are good in a first chapter because they make you want to read on. (And if I manage to find the time, I certainly will.)

Great job!


Author's Response: Hi Gina! Thank you so much, I'm glad you have so many questions (in an evil kind of way)! Thanks again for reviewing ♥

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Review #11, by Unwritten CurseWhat Means Most: Thoughts, about a week later

25th March 2016:
I read your Author's Note, and even before reading the chapter, I agree wholeheartedly. I felt the same after losing my father. He'd been very sick for a while, so after he died, I was relieved. Very, very sad, but relieved because he wasn't suffering. I imagine Harry and crew felt similarly after the war. Very sad for the losses, but relieved to finally see that glimmer of hope after a very dark and scary time.

And you wrote it beautifully. I know that I keep mentioning this, but you do a beautiful job of balancing the heavy emotion with the lighter moments that come from being around those that you love. (George's comment about Harry not being exempt from his wrath if he hurt Ginny made me laugh.)

Oh, Andromeda. I had tears in my eyes when she arrived. Her daughter has died shortly after giving birth. She must feel so conflicted--what with the joy of having a grandson mixed with the grief of losing her daughter. I've developed a soft spot for Andromeda recently. She is quite an extraordinary woman.

I also wanted to comment on your pacing. It is great in this chapter. It felt natural and flowed well. It didn't feel like you spent too much time or too little time on any one part, so well done. You're a talented writer.


Author's Response: I'm so sorry about your father, but I'm glad that you were able to relate to it with Harry. It's the best compliment to get if a person can relate with a character with a real experience because I know the story itself is as real as possible.

It does make me proud that even when the story wasn't edited much, the comment I keep getting is the balance between heavy and light. Sometimes the heaviness is overwhelming though so, as long as it is accurately portrayed then I guess I'm doing alright.
I'm glad I did Andromeda justice for you, I was a little nervous about it since we don't know much about her, but she obviously has a huge backstory. She's pretty complicated actually.

Thank you again for such a beautiful review. I loved it!
I hope to see you again soon, you'll certainly see me on your story :)

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Review #12, by Unwritten CurseWhat Means Most: Love for thoughts

25th March 2016:
OMG HERMIONE. HAHAHA. That was perfect. (Side note: I like Ron and Hermione, but in my head canon they don't end up together. But I still think they're cute when they first start dating, so I will enjoy the moment and shut up. Anyway…) I laughed out loud when Hermione told Ginny to look away so she wouldn't see her snogging Ron. It was another nice moment to break up the heaviness of the grief that they're all experiencing.

And Luna! I adore her. I'm so glad they could be there for her--for each other.

I thought you did a good job characterizing Ron. The bit about him trying to push the thought of his losses out of his mind seemed spot on. He's definitely the type to ignore his problems until they come spilling over the top and he totally loses it. I know there will come a time when he does and I hope Hermione or Harry or someone is able to comfort him and he doesn't just push them away. Ron is such a frustrating character but I love him dearly. I just want to give him a hug.

I think I'll read one more chapter tonight, and hopefully come back soon for more.


Author's Response: I do love this chapter too :)
Hermione and Ginny are rather funny in the beginning there!

Luna... sigh, I love her so much too, which is why we see her again in chapter 5 or so. she is such her own person and so loving too or more so after this, before she was very aloof. I think, for me anyway, she becomes more loving because of what happens.

I'm glad you like Ron, he's difficult to write at times, but then when I get in the writing mode, it comes out the way it should. You're right though, he'll ignore his problems until he can't anymore.. I haven't gotten to it yet and I'm just writing/written chapter 16! Soon though, soon... probably ch. 17. So much happens between now and then though, you'll understand why it needs to wait.

I love your reviews, it'll definitely make me r and r your story that much more! :D

Thank you so much!

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Review #13, by Unwritten CurseWhat Means Most: Food for thought

25th March 2016:
Hi hun! I'm finally here to leave you some reviews in exchange for your help with Hourglass. :)

And I loved it! I'm not a huge fan of Harry and Ginny, but I quite like them in this chapter. I love that they're both concerned for each other and even through their grief and exhaustion they want to take care of each other. This was an emotionally heavy chapter, but you made it lighter with their romance. I also got a good laugh out of Ginny floating Harry up the stairs!

Just a small bit of constructive criticism: The beginning felt a little slow. It took me a while to really get into the story because Ginny's thoughts went on for a while and felt a bit repetitive. I understand that she's shocked and grieving, but I wonder if you could make that part more economical, especially since it's the opening and you want to grab your readers immediately. :)

But by the end of the chapter, I was smitten. The kiss was so sweet. (I also got a laugh out of Harry thinking about Ginny kissing a guy who smelled "rank." You add awesome bits of humor throughout that are so tastefully done and so needed in a chapter that follows the Final Battle.) Despite not particularly liking Harry and Ginny (I don't know why, they've just never been my favorite), I do think they're good for each other. Especially now. They can comfort each other and be strong for each other and that's a beautiful thing.

Oh, and also, your writing is really easy to read. It flow really nicely and is beautifully worded. That helped me to connect with the characters because I wasn't ever bogged down with awkward wording or anything. So kudos to you, authoress!

Well done! ;)


Author's Response: Oh my goodness thank you for such an amazing review! It excites me to no end when I get someone reading about a ship they aren't completely into and then end up loving it :D
I've always thought it so important to include the emotional with something light, it makes for a much more well rounded chapter.
I'm glad you mentioned what you did about feeling repetitive in the beginning, I felt like something was still a little "off" but didn't know what. Some people are more of the opinion that it needed a little more grief, but if I make the part in the beginning MORE emotional, but not as long, maybe I'll hit that perfect balance?

I'm so glad you liked the flow and the wording. Bardic Magic (aka kevin) really helped me edit some things that took out all the awkward sentences... just so you know, that might come back after the 3rd chapter, since that's as far as we've gotten :P

Thank you soo much!

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Review #14, by Unwritten CurseShattered Glass: Cold. Broke. Alone.

25th March 2016:
Kevin, please forgive me. I owe you reviews from my first challenge, which was over a year ago. The Golden Paws reminded me of my forgetfulness, so here I am to make it up to you.

And I have to say, I'm so glad I'm here. This piece is stunning. You really have a way with writing Remus. Do you feel connected to him in some way? You write him so fantastically that every time I read something of yours that includes Remus, I imagine it as canon.

And your descriptions! They're stunning! I have a bad habit of skimming descriptions if they get overly lengthy, but I just couldn't do that with this piece because every word seemed significant.

What a complicated and emotional piece. This seems to capture Remus's struggle perfectly. His self-hatred for becoming a monster paired with his loyalty and his fighting spirit. Oh Remus. I didn't really connect with his character throughout the series--not until I came over to fanfiction and saw these intimate explorations of what it means to be a werewolf and I realized how brave he is. And how much he deserves love.

*quietly sobs in the corner*

Time to read more of your brilliant writings.


Author's Response: Howdy Gina!

Don't worry about it! You've been crazy busy, I've been crazy busy - and we're all friends not bookkeepers :p

I'm glad you enjoyed this Remus-centric fic as well! Connected to him? Perhaps. I guess I'd describe it more as that I can identify to a certain extent with the feelings of disconnection from others - even friends - that lie at his core. It's a weird concept maybe to say I identify with as a young, white male (and thus very much not demographically an "outsider"), but for my own reasons I do.

I'm also thrilled that you liked the descriptions! I've always felt that they're a weakness of mine - though lately that's become somewhat more particular to my longer works - and so it's good that you found them not just effective, but strong. I'm going to have to figure out how to incorporate them better in longer stuff!

Thank you so much for your wonderful praise and detailed thoughts on the story! It's greatly appreciated!

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Review #15, by Unwritten CurseCircumstance: Introductions Must Be Made

25th March 2016:
Hello again!

What a twist in this chapter! I was totally not expecting Petunia to be a witch! (By the way, I got a good laugh out of Vernon calling a wand a "magic kebob skewer"!) Did Vernon know that she was a witch? Did she keep that private? So interesting! I always liked Petunia better than Vernon, so I'm intrigued by her kicking him out of the house and demanding a divorce. Maybe Harry will be treated better now. He deserves it.

The train ride was a riot! I'm intrigued by your version of Draco. I wonder if he and Harry will be friends. I'm such a fan of Draco, so if you manage to make them friends, I'll be thrilled. I always thought that if Draco had just gotten over his pride and befriended Harry, he would've been all the better for it.

I may read another chapter or two tonight, but if I don't get to them, I will be back. :)


Author's Response: You'll be even more intrigued when it's revealed how she kept it a secret... :P

Harry truly does deserve it, but I think Petunia knows that she abused him and that he may not (and probably will not for much longer) stay with her and Dudley.

Oh, Draco and Harry will be something, that's for sure. They're just too compatible to not be something. Draco will not be a sideline character or quite as antagonistic towards Harry as he is in canon, as you've seen here.

That concludes my responses for tonight! I hope to golly that you've enjoyed yourself here. I'll probably dig into one of yours when I get a chance ;p

Thank you thank you thank you!
(Aw shucks I'm blushing)

Happy Reading!

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Review #16, by Unwritten CurseCircumstance: The Journey Begins

25th March 2016:

It was interesting to read this chapter and to see McGonagall taking Harry around Diagon Alley rather than Hagrid. She was much more efficient! haha. She was more to the point, which was both good and bad, I suppose. She explained things more clearly to Harry. But, at the same time, she wasn't as… warm? I don't know how to explain it. But it was cool to read this chapter and to notice those differences. :)

I think you did a good job of showcasing Harry's confusion. Everything is new to him! However, I think you can spend more time building his emotion. I could sense he was confused because of his dialogue, but I felt a bit distanced from him because the description is sparse.

I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next! I'm sad that he had to return to the Dursleys, though I know that had to happen since school doesn't start just yet. I can't wait until he goes to school!


Author's Response: She wasn't as receptive, maybe? I'm not sure. I think she tried too hard to put up the wall of 'I am a scary old teacher who docks hundreds of points from First Years for breaking curfew' that she couldn't fully open up to Harry.

I'll be honest with you, I hate writing Harry, or Hermione. I've said it many times, but I really mean it. They're just so well-developed in the books that it makes it a really difficult challenge to write them without getting them wrong. Plus, when I do, it often comes out as a stereotype of them. So even though he's the main character, it bums me out to say that I can't write him. :P

Minor or supporting characters? Check. Dumbledore? Yes. McGonagall? I really hope so. She's a major player in my series.

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Review #17, by Unwritten CurseCircumstance: New Beginnings

25th March 2016:
Hello there, friend! I finally found some time to read your story. :) I'll read a couple of chapters today and then come back again to read more.

I thought this was a great first chapter! I'm a fan of AU's when they seem realistic, and this one does. In fact, I think your version is so logical that I wonder why they didn't do this in canon! And by they, I mean Dumbledore and crew. Why didn't they just come get Harry sooner? I suppose they did eventually--sending Hagrid to gather him. Anyway…

I enjoyed seeing McGonagall's concern for Harry. It was sweet. I know that Dumbledore cares, too, and so it was interesting to see them get into a bit of a spat. I can imagine them doing so, considering they're both headstrong people. ;)

And Petunia. You made her somewhat of a sympathetic character here, taking Harry aside to tell him about his parents. But then she made him clean up her spilled wine and I hated her all over again. Kudos on creating three-dimensional characters!

Off to the next chapter!


Author's Response: Yay! :D

I always wondered why they chose to leave Harry there. From our description in canon, I think 'family' was a looser term than just blood relatives. The wards could've been on Remus' house, or maybe even The Weasley's. I couldn't stand that.

Well, she seemed so... content with the idea that she and Dumbledore were basically sending Harry into a emotional death trap from the very beginning. This was the same woman that stood up to Umbridge? That dueled Snape, who she thought was a traitor? That rallied the castle behind Harry and fought to the death? No, that was not the Minerva I knew on Privet Drive. She would have more heart than to just leave Harry and never look back.

Petunia is an interesting character, if I may say so myself. I sort of threw her out of the story where I am now, but I really want to incorporate her back in when it's appropriate. I put her into interesting circumstances, that's for sure ;D

Thank you for reviewing! I know you've been terribly busy with all that's going on, but just keep swimming! :D

Happy Writing!


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Review #18, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: 3rd Year - Happy Chirstmas!

25th March 2016:
YSH. Your dedication made me cry. In a good way. I'm so grateful to have you as a friend. Many, many hugs.

And oh how I loved this chapter. Especially for the Sirius/Adhara stuff at the end--how cute are they?--but there were such fantastic moments throughout. I loved that Andromeda and Ted sent Sirius a gift. I'm so glad that they stay in touch despite the family disowning Andromeda. I'm glad that Sirius has some family who love him, who stick by him. The more I think about it, the more of a tragic character he becomes. But he does have good friends and people who love him, so I'm going to hold on to that happy thought and ignore his impending doom. *cough* Anyway…

The kiss was perfect. I loved the banter beforehand--it was such adorable flirting, especially for young teens. They wouldn't flirt directly, so this teasing is so fitting. And that the kiss sort of just happened was perfect, too. It was like: kiss, okay bye! hahaha

I really like the subplot with Dorcas as well. That her father cheated on her mother before they were married, but her mother forgave him. Usually I wouldn't like that. I do NOT like cheating and 9 times out of 10, I want the party that was cheated on to break up with the cheater. But somehow you wrote the situation in such a heart-breaking way that I thought Dorcas's mother was strong and kind and that she did the right thing in staying with him. He hadn't meant to hurt her. And now Dorcas has a brother. I wonder how that will turn out.

My only constructive criticism is that I thought Sirius was a bit too cheeky with his father. He's only 13 here, right? He seemed a bit too bold with his dad, and his dad seemed to just take it for the most part. I would imagine that before he leaves, he becomes more bold. But he still has a couple years at home, so I imagine part of him is still afraid of/intimidated by his father.

Just some thoughts!

I really did like this chapter, though. A lot of great development and some moments that made me smile. I can't wait to read the next update!


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Review #19, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: 3rd Year - The Marauder's Four

18th March 2016:
Okay, I'm going to review as I read. That way I won't forget anything. Then to end the review I'll give you some suggestions to help with writers block. Just things that I'd (selfishly) love to see. You can take them or leave them--just want to help!

1. HOW IS FILCH GAINING ON THEM? Okay, he was younger when the marauders were in school. But these are fit young boys! How is an old guy gaining on them? (Silly things that I think as I read… haha.)

2. Jerk. He lied about seeing the four of them. Get 'em, marauders!

Intermission: I forgot to tell you that I adore your new banner! When did you get it? It's perfect.

3. I like that Gryffindor lost to Hufflepuff. It's realistic. I get sick of reading fics where Gryffindor wins every match. So thanks for throwing in that bit of reality.


Also, you're so so sweet for dedicating this chapter to me. I have tears in my eyes! Ysh, you're a fantastic writer and I love reading this story. I really do! I'm excited for future chapters. :)

Okay, suggestions. Hopefully these help with writers block:

1. I miss seeing the marauders doing their Animagus stuff. You always come up with such interesting steps in the transformation process and I miss seeing that.

2. I'm looking forward to the Sirius/Adhara romance! ;)

3. I'm curious if/when the marauders gain a name for themselves among the other students. I always imagined they were (in)famous among their peers. How/when does that happen?

4. I know it's a couple years away, but I'm excited to see James and Lily as Prefects! Also, how does James become a Prefect when he keeps getting caught doing pranks? Does he amend his ways? Does he trick McGonagall into thinking he's changed?

5. Do we get any hints into Peter becoming the betrayer in the future?

6. What is Adhara's brother going to do now that he's back?

Those were most questions I have/things I'd love to see. This is your story so take what you will and leave the rest. You are a talented writer and I have faith in you--so please, have faith in yourself and whatever direction you take this story. :)


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Review #20, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: 3rd Year - Changes

18th March 2016:
I'm finally here!

I read this chapter a week ago, but didn't have time to review. So I reread it now and have some comments for you. Hopefully this will help with your writers block. It'll mostly be me rambling as per usual. ;)

A quick suggestion: It took me aback when Lily swore. I can't quite imagine a third year Lily being so crass.

Okay, now that's taken care of, I have nothing but good things to squee about.

I love that Owen has come to sweep Marlene off her feet. Obviously she still has lingering feelings for James, but this romance with Owen is so sweet and innocent and unexpected that I can't help but smile. When he kissed her goodnight, I wanted to squeal like a little girl. Young love. *sigh*

The "always" also made me smile. You need to stop making me like Snape because I usually despise him and it's ALL YOUR FAULT that I'm starting to like him now. ALL YOUR FAULT.

More Lily/James fighting. Has McGonagall discovered what they're doing? She's obviously on to him (because of Snape?) but I wonder what she really knows.

The conversation about stereotypes was awesome. I really, really like the dialogue in this story. It never disappoints. You bring these small, silly moments to life and construct characters that feel so real. I can imagine having a conversation about girly stuff with my friends when I was a teen. Because I was such a tomboy like Adhara and my friends who chased after boys were so strange to me. I couldn't care less about boys until I was at least 16. Haha.

Anyway, loved the chapter! Off to the next!


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Review #21, by Unwritten CurseOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: 3rd Year - Love Struck, Much?

3rd February 2016:
Yay! An update! I saw your post over at the forums and got super excited. :)

First, I have to say SIRIUS YOU'RE AN IDIOT. "Oh, Remus is going to be ill that day because it's the full moon and… oh, wait, I gave too much away. Silly me. Might as well just tell you all that HE'S A WEREWOLF." (Okay, obviously he didn't say that, but he might as well have. He's being careless and that makes me nervous).

The love triangle is heating up! I love that Lily is discovering potential feelings for James, though she still seems to dislike him most of the time. But at the same time, I feel sad for Marlene. Especially after Mary mentioned James making googly eyes at Lily IN FRONT OF Marlene. I knew this would end in heart break for her. It looks as though it's already begun.

The Marauders' quest to become Animagi is still super awesomely cool. That it turned James's eye blue is such a fascinating twist! Again, did you come up with that yourself? Or did you research it? Either way, it's awesome. It was hilarious when he had to squint and therefore performed poorly in class and the teacher walked away shaking her head. EVEN THOUGH James was actually doing awesomely well at deflecting Lily's hexes.

By the way, you're once again doing an AWESOME job at foreshadowing. James's work in becoming an Animagus is making him a better wizard which will make him an AWESOME Order member.


I don't even want to mention the last scene because it makes me so sad. I still don't like Snape but I want better for him than that. He strikes me as similar to Regulus in that they both got roped into the Dark Arts. To fulfill some sort of "destiny." Sad.

SO HAPPY TO SEE THIS UPDATE. Keep up the great work. :)


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Review #22, by Unwritten CurseThe Center of the Sun: The Center of the Sun

30th January 2016:
I had to come re-read this when I saw you'd posted it. And ah! I loved it just as much as the first time I read it. I still get butterflies when they make eye contact and I still want to cry when they're, well, you know. ;) Which, again, is such a strange thing to feel when reading an entry for the Smut-tastic challenge but you write it so beautifully that it's no wonder they eventually marry. They're so clearly meant to be.

I'm going to make it a point to read more of your stuff now. If this is the writing you produce when you're struggling with a prompt, I can't wait to see what you can do when you're not struggling.

Thanks for letting me read this "in advance." I'm honored!


Author's Response: Awww, Gina, it was so sweet of you to leave a review!

I know I already said this, but I can't tell you how much your encouragement helped reassure me when I went to post this. *hug*

Hmmm, I'm not sure how to feel about you wanting to cry, but you seem to think it's good, so I'll take it! :P Thank you!

I really love this ship, especially since I read Kill Your Darlings by Lavender Blue. (Have you read that? OMG it's perfection.) I think they're among my OTPs now. So, yeah, I definitely agree that they are meant to be!

Ahhh, what an amazing nice thing for you to say! Thank you! If you do read my other stories, I hope they don't disappoint!

You can quick beta for me ANY time, girl! Don't thank me - I should be thanking you! (And I do! Definitely!)

This review made me so so happy! *hug*
xoxo Renee

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Review #23, by Unwritten CurseBreathe: ix. Breathe

30th January 2016:


Not even kidding. I am crying. (Not sure if you know this about me but I am the biggest sap in the world.) This was beautiful. I love so many things about this chapter. I love that Sirius has a family now, a family that loves him and appreciates him and a family that makes saying goodbye hard. I love that he's so excited about going back to Hogwarts, that he calls it "home." I love that he's back in his element. And I love that REMUS IS TALKING TO HIM AND SMILING AT HIM and that the last line is "And he breathed." (I'm crying again just thinking about that last line.)

This is a genuinely beautiful story and if I haven't favorited it yet, I am favoriting it now. Your writing is stunning and your characterizations are complex and you handle sensitive issues with grace.

I genuinely feel like a learned a lot about gender identity through reading this story, so thank you for that. It's such a fascinating thing to learn about. Sad, too, because I know that many are bullied and depressed because of the judgment that is rampant all around us. Many don't understand. Writing this story is helping others to understand. That's one of the reasons I love fiction--it can help those who read it to develop empathy for people who are different than us. And that's really, really cool.

I'm a huge fan of yours. :)


Author's Response: Hey Gina!

Aw, I shouldn't feel happy that I made you cry :') It just means a lot to me that you enjoy this story so much. Also, I am a huge sap too and cry at fanfiction (and books, and movies, and tv shows, and songs...) all the time.

Honestly, I'm still learning about gender identity (as I'm cisgender) and have other people to thank for teaching me what I do know. So I'm really glad that this story helped you out, and I hope that you'll continue to learn and increase your understanding!

I basically have heart eyes over this whole review. Thank you so much for all your nice words, Gina :)


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Review #24, by Unwritten CurseBreathe: viii. Celebration

30th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD gave me an excuse to finally review this chapter. I think I've read the last chapter (when it was in the queue) but I realize now that I've never read this one. And this is the one I was so looking forward to (and dreading, a bit, like Sirius at the beginning of this chapter).

I loved this, Kayla. You write this scene so beautifully and believably. I felt for Sirius, especially when he was holding his skirt and worrying over putting it on. I was worried for him. I know that it's what he wants--what he needs--but I completely understand his nervousness. This is a huge deal. And he couldn't know how people would react.

I'm so glad he had James with him. What a good friend. I was tearing up a bit when they were dancing together and goofing off and James didn't give a crap what other people thought. He's a genuine friend and it makes things even sadder knowing that he dies young. I can't imagine how hard that loss was for Sirius.

But YAY SIRIUS. I'm so so proud of him for being courageous and putting on that skirt even though he knew people would stare. And stare they did, but he stopped caring. He was totally right--they were strangers and they didn't matter. He has friends who love him and that's what matters. They accept him no matter what.

So much love for this chapter. I can't wait to re-read and review the last chapter. :)


Author's Response: GINA!

Your reviews on this story are always so lovely. It makes me so, so happy to know how much you enjoy reading this.

Aw man, did you have to bring James dying young into this?! :( That loss would absolutely hit Sirius so hard and he had 12 years alone in a cell to dwell on it... :( BOO I'm going to focus on the happy moment in this story. I think James is such a deeply loyal person, and Sirius is like his brother. Of course he would support Sirius in this moment :D Their friendship is so wonderful.

Aw, it makes me smile so much whenever people leave reviews saying they're proud of Sirius. Like it honestly makes me feel like my heart is swelling in my chest. I got so invested in this story while I wrote it, and so invested in Sirius' character in particular, and I'm proud of him too :') I know that probably sounds silly because, like, I wrote the story... but oh well :P

Anyways, thank you so much for the wonderful review, Gina! :D


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Review #25, by Unwritten CurseFracture: Shattered

28th January 2016:

*hysteric crying*


*crude nose-blowing*

Okay, I'm here.

And I don't know what to say.

So I'll start with a logistical question because I can't deal with my emotions right now.

Did you do research on magical weddings? Are they like Unbreakable Vows? I thought the scene were their marriage vows are reversed was quite interesting, with the golden bands coming undone. Or did you make that up? Either way, it's fascinating stuff. It makes wizard weddings seem more… special? Permanent? I don't know, but it's really neat.

I don't know what to say about Teddy. He's completely irredeemable at this point and it makes me so sad. How will his family treat him after this? Will this tear them apart? And how will Victoire deal with this? Is she going to be okay? She deserves love. She deserves someone who will be patient and kind, like she had been with Teddy before her STEPPED ALL OVER HER POOR, FRAGILE HEART.

This is such a complex story. You explore war and mental illness and heartache and inadequacy and familial relationships and aloneness and hurt and potential healing. I'm in awe of your skills and at the way you manage to paint such a vast story with so few words.

Just wow.


Author's Response: Hey Gina!

I'm sorry. Don't hate me.

On the magical divorce, I made it up. In a few of my other stories I discuss marriage and I always imagined it being similar to the unbreakable vow. So here, since they're getting a divorce, I figured there must be a process to reverse it.

Unfortunately, this is a very real scenario when young people go through things like war and mental illness. I don't know if I even think that Teddy is bad person. I just think he's really damaged.

Thank you so much for all of your kind words!


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