Reading Reviews From Member: Unwritten Curse
356 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Unwritten CurseDiscarded Pillows : Chapter 1

22nd August 2015:
Another review for the Red vs. Gold Review battle! GO GOLD.

Okay, you know I have to mention concision again and this time I have to commend you because your description is GREAT. Right off the bat, you have I see high arching marble ceilings and chandeliers that drip with crystals. which is SO nice. I love the verb choice. That, to me, is what concision is about--choosing evocative verbs.

Oh, and this: She has a knack for creating salacious gossip out of thin air and lately I seem to be one of her favorite targets. Beautiful rhythm. Apparently I'm all about that tonight. :P



Seriously, Kaitlin, this is one of my favorite things you've written. I love that you don't explain the break up until the very last line, so we're left with this vague ominous feeling and the sadness of breaking up, and then the build to them re-uniting and the passion of the ending. it's brilliantly done. Albus and Scorpius are slowly becoming one of my favorite ships and this story has only added to that.

So glad I read this. You have talent, my dear.

-- Gina

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Review #2, by Unwritten CurseSilence: The Lake

22nd August 2015:
Hi Kaitlin! My reason for coming is twofold. First, I've also entered the Take-A-Cliche challenge and have been meaning to read the other entries, and second is the Red vs. Gold Review Battle. Go Gold!

Okay, I love the effort you put into setting the scene. That you include the merpeople soaking in the sun and the mud between her toes--it brings me into the story, makes it feel real. However, sometimes I feel that you get a little wordy and I get tripped up. (enter my writing teacher voice--I apologize in advance)

Concision isn't about cutting your writing down to its bare bones; it's about making sure that every word is working. That every word has a purpose. You do that here: The words roll off of my tongue like a thunderstorm. They burst and crack with frustration. Beautiful. It's succinct and powerful. Read it out loud: They burst and crack with frustration. There's a beautiful rhythm there. Whereas something like this: Just a few moments without being chased by one person or another is something I’m in desperate need of. feels weighed down by extra words. If you read it out loud, you find yourself almost running out of breath. If I were to cut this down, I'd eliminate "a few" because "moments" implies it's fleeting/limited. and "one person or another" is unnecessary, because being chased implies a person doing the chasing. Also, "in desperate need of" feels clunky. So, "I'm in desperate need of just moments without being chased." I don't meant to impose that wording on you, I'm merely showing you what happens when you a) cut down the repetition and stick to the heart of the sentence, and b) start with the actor (Lily) to create a more active feeling. The flow is there and the meaning is clearer.

/writing instructor voice

I struggle with concision, too, though I think I've gone from not being concise to being too concise. It's such a hard balance!

Anyway, more compliments: I was pleasantly surprised to see James back off for once. That he listened to Lily and was repentant was a nice turn, and that works well for this challenge. I can see this being the turning point in Lily and James's relationship. Oh, and that Lily sought alone-time by the Black Lake was so… nice. Picturesque. It totally felt like Lily, who to me is this intelligent yet ethereal woman who loves books and nature and is kind and genuine.

But now I'm just rambling.

Best of luck to you in the challenge! I enjoyed reading this piece and I'm sure I'll be back to read more of your stuff soon!

-- Gina

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Review #3, by Unwritten CurseThe Sorrows Of The Moon: Catechisms

20th August 2015:
I'm here for the Red vs. Gold review battle. I saw that you'd posted a new story and had to check it out, especially because it's for the Romanticism challenge and I adore this style of writing.

Kaitlin, I can't believe this style is new to you. You write this so, so well and it seemed natural. There are so many lines that I love, but if I had to pick a favorite it would be this: The moon is the only one who can see you and you know quite well that your secrets are safe with her. So very romantic to gender the moon as female and to imagine a secret shared with her. Beautiful.

I also like that you chose Remus's granddaughter. It's like next Next Gen. It's kind of sad, in a way, that Remus's genes are passed on through generations. I know that's the last thing he would've wanted. But it seems that Madeliene has control over her transformation and that she's able to remain cognizant--which is again kind of sad, because it means she's aware of the "monster" she becomes. This whole piece is both beautiful and sad and I love the layers you create.

Kaitlin, I demand that you write like this more often. It's lovely to see you reach beyond your comfort zone and succeed.

-- Gina

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Review #4, by Unwritten CurseGame Over: Six

20th August 2015:
Oh! That's brilliant! He knew it would be a boggart, but he didn't know it would be dead, which freaked him out and gave them enough time to push him in the crate! Ugh. Now I'm freaking out. I'm imagining being trapped in a crate with a dead boggart. I want my mommy.

I'm still sort of curious how Dann got caught up in this, but I can see that it's not vital to the story you're telling. I am glad that she's free now, though she's partnered up with James so I'm not entirely sure what trouble she'll get into now. Hopefully it's not of the thieving kind, and it's more the falling-in-love kind. ;)

Once again, I have to commend you on pulling this off. it was nerve-wracking but also somehow comical and overall a great adventure. I'm glad to have stumbled upon this story!

-- Gina

Author's Response:

People either really love what I did here, or they complain that I didn't do enough... and sometimes both. Haha. I've had some really interesting conversations about whether boggarts can really die, and what they'd look like if they were dead. I think what I chose works well for the story and doesn't conflict with canon as far as I know.

Yeah, some of this stuff isn't the story that I'm telling. Dann's backstory isn't relevant, though I'm sure it's interesting. I don't know if these two are going to bond over anything more than getting out of this situation with their skins intact, but they're sure to keep a close eye on one another for a while, just to make sure no one rats anyone else out.

Thanks so much for sticking with this. It was great hearing your comments all the way through the story!


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Review #5, by Unwritten CurseGame Over: Five

20th August 2015:

Did James transform into Matt because the real Matt was hoping Dann would kill him (like she killed the other "innocent")? Or wait… no, if he was dead then he wouldn't have been able to steal the tooth. So probably not.

And is Matt going to fall for the "it's in the crate" thing? Doesn't he know that the boggart is in there? Wasn't that part of his plan--to get them to put the boggart in the crate, which was really a port key?


I'm so nervous and so completely impressed that you're about to wrap this whole thing up in one 500-word chapter. Seriously.

Oh, and poor Dann. I don't know what happened to her brother, but her situation seems the saddest of all. Though if she was this guy's partner, then she can't be entirely innocent.

Now I'm reminded of that movie with Will Smith. Focus? I think that's what it's called.


-- Gina

Author's Response:

Hey hey! You made it to chapter 5!

Yes, my muse was scrambling for answers right about now as well. This was where the word limitations were rather... umm... limiting. But I was determined, and so were Dann and James. Everyone wanted to come out of this story alive, so we had some work to do.

I'm glad you're still here. Thanks so much for coming back!


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Review #6, by Unwritten CurseGame Over: Four

20th August 2015:

Okay, I'm freaking out here. I thought Harry Potter was dead for a second. Phew.

I do have one question. So, Harry/boggart says, "I thought you would make me proud one day, but you've turned into... this!" but then later doesn't react when Dann says he's the Silent Thief. Does "this" not mean Silent Thief? Because James realizes he's a boggart due to his non-reaction to the revelation of James's secret identity. Maybe I missed something, which is totally possible.

By the way, I totally love James Potter II being this awesome, secret villain(ish) character. It's unexpected. And I love that he's repentant. He strikes me as a Green Arrow character for some reason. And I love it.

Two more chapters. How will you do it!

-- Gina

Author's Response:

Ah, it always makes me smile to know that I fooled someone. James was pretty convinced, and I guess that convinced a lot of readers too. It's hard to write surprises, but I like the challenge.

James' dad was more talking about the "this" being a disreputable person than specifically being the Silent Thief. And it's a... well, you know what it is now, but those things can only be so convincing.

Yay for Green Arrow! I'd love that show more if it weren't for the "let's see how many characters I can date" vibe I get from that one girl, and also the predictable scene endings. Sigh. Work it, people. You're getting paid to write.

Anyway, yes. Two more chapters. Seriously, at this point, I had no idea how it was going to end. I guess that's one way to surprise people... have no clue going in...


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Review #7, by Unwritten CurseGame Over: Three

20th August 2015:

Okay, so in my last review I wrote that it seemed like all three parties were unwilling players. Now it seems they aren't. I kind of had a feeling you were going to pull out some tricks and I'm SO glad you did. I'm still so curious why James had to take Polyjuice Potion to look like Matt and how Dann knows the real Matt and… Oy vey. You have a lot to do in three more very short chapters. I am in your capable hands.

I'm still amazed at what you are able to accomplish in such a small amount of words. A scene like this, where quite a bit happens, could easily be twice as long, but you manage to capture the moment perfectly.

Brilliant, brilliant.

-- Gina

Author's Response:


Oh. Yes. I forgot about that. Haha. I'm glad you trust me enough to figure things out in the next three chapters. It was tough getting it all to fit, but the work was definitely worth it.

Thanks so much! You flatter me!


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Review #8, by Unwritten CurseGame Over: Two

20th August 2015:
I'm back!

I love that you've switched perspectives here. Now I feel equally attached to both characters, which means there's no "good guy" or "bad guy," just two people who are caught up in a scheme and now, presumably, have to work together to not die.

I'm very curious who Matt is and how he came to be caught up in the middle of this scheme. It seems that all parties are unwilling players. But I could be wrong.

Also, I really loved this part: The man in front of her blinked a few times, and then he began to laugh, a trickle of blood running down where her wand still jabbed his nose. "I'm dead anyway," he said, still laughing. I don't know why, but it just seemed so… wild? I dunno.

On to the next chapter I go!

-- Gina

Author's Response:


I didn't switch perspectives too much in this story, only because it would have led to too much development, and then it would have ruined the format I had planned for it. My muse tends to run long when I let it go past a one-shot.

Yeah, wild. James is in a tight spot. It's one of those moments when you either laugh or cry.

Thanks for more words!


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Review #9, by Unwritten CurseGame Over: One

20th August 2015:
Hi! Here for the Gold vs. Red Review Battle. I was drawn in by the banner and the fact that you wrote SIX 500-word chapters. WHAT. That's talent.

I have to say, you worked your magic with this sparse, every-word-counts style. I felt totally pulled in from the first word. I felt like I'd miss something important if I wasn't focused, and that's how you want your audience to feel.

I'm super intrigued by what's happening. From what I've gathered, James is in a risky business and he's been caught and now he has to do a mission for the bad-guy-who-caught-him. And a woman stuck her wand up his nose. :P

I LOVE the set up. You give just enough detail to catch me but leave some vagueness so that I'll keep reading. You devil, you.

It's late and I'm meant to be asleep (I've got an early morning ahead), so I'm stopping here for now. But I will be back to R&R more of this lovely story.

-- Gina

Author's Response:


I can see the appeal to this story. I should sit down and write more of these. They seem to be popular for a short read.

Thanks for stopping in and giving this a go. I loved getting comments from you!


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Review #10, by Unwritten CurseThe Most Beautiful Flower: The Most Beautiful Flower

4th June 2015:
Hi there! Here for our review swap!

I have to admit that I'm not a fan of Snape. I have a hard time feeling sympathy for him, so there were bits of this story that were lost on me (through no fault of your own--I'm just heartless). I did, however, really appreciate Snape's musings about God/heaven and how he'd been through so much heartache that he couldn't believe in God, but that he would gladly take hell if Lily got heaven. That was sweet. That was one part when I did find myself wanting to say, "Aw!" So it looks like I do have a heart after all. ;)

I also liked some of the images you included, like how Lily looked like she was just sleeping except for the slight tinge of blue on her lips. That was cool. It brought the story to life.

And the ending. I like that you bring things full circle, from Lily's death to his own. It made things feel complete, but without the tied-in-a-perfect-bow feeling. You know what I mean? I hope so. I kind of wanted a bit more of Snape's life right before the end, though. Not too much, but just enough that I could feel more connected to him so that the reminder of his death would've had more impact. But again, I don't prefer Snape in the first place. So maybe I'm asking you to do the impossible!

Either way, I liked this. :) Well done!


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Review #11, by Unwritten CurseLearn To Love Again: Stale Firewhiskey And Vomit

4th June 2015:
Hi Kaitlin!

I thought I'd check out this story because it's a Dramione AND a Ronmione… and those are (ironically) my two favorite pairings.

I really, really like this idea. I'm already excited for you to update. Draco Malfoy in rehab! Oh, the possibilities are endless! I can't wait to see this Slytherin bad boy brought down a few pegs by some strong-willed drug counsellors. I'm sure it will be equal parts funny and endearing and that I'll fall in love with Draco all over again. ♥

The way he acts in this first chapter… Oh how I love it! He's 100% the "my father will hear about this" spoiled brat like in the books. This is the Draco Malfoy we know (and, if you're me, love) and I cannot wait to see how he's stretched throughout the course of this story.

One thing I will say, and you can take this or leave it, is that I thought the introductory bit could've been shorter. Where he's drinking coffee and ordering breakfast from his House Elf. It felt a bit expository. As soon as he got to the article, I was completely engrossed--maybe you could introduce that almost immediately? Just a thought.

Ultimately this chapter really grabbed my attention and I'm excited to see where you go from here! How will Hermione come into the story? Will she be with Ron and then end up with Draco? (I hope so!) Oh my gosh, will Hermione be one of the counsellors? I have to know!

Great work again! Can you lend me your Muse? ;)


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Review #12, by Unwritten CurseBreathe: vii. Acceptance

29th May 2015:

(I thought about ending the review there, but that wouldn't be fair to you. So now for more gushing.)

I love this. Again, it's the little details. It's Mrs. Potter walking with Sirius and tucking the flower behind his ear. It's Sirius working in the garden and… just everything.

Can I say that I'm SO nervous for Sirius to wear that skirt to the wedding. I'm so nervous he's going to be mocked. I don't think he can handle that right now. He's still healing. I just… I hope people are nice to him. I hope they ask him questions rather than just assuming things or avoiding him. I'm so glad he has James because I know James will keep him safe. But I still worry.

On the other hand, I'm so proud of him. And James. And the Potters. There are good people in this world. (And yes, this is fiction, but it feels so REAL.)


-- Gina

P.S. I've enjoyed this review swap so much. The fates aligned when I got paired with the genius that is YOU. :)

Author's Response: Hehe, I actually just submitted chapter 8 to the queue about half an hour ago! So it will be up really soon!

Aw, it made me smile seeing your concern for Sirius. I hope you'll be pleased with how the next chapter turns out for him!

Honestly, he's my character (well, he's J.K. Rowling's, but you know what I mean) and I'm proud of him too. :')

Again, I'm so sorry that I haven't gotten around to reviewing more of your story yet D: I really am planning to review all the chapters before the deadline, I'm so excited!


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Review #13, by Unwritten CurseBreathe: vi. Awakening

29th May 2015:
Yeah, I really love the cultural/religious details you've thrown in. The fact that they are wizards yet practice puja--awesome. I love seeing the worlds collide. It adds so much to this story.

I'm beginning to sense that Sirius is dealing with more than just sexuality. I sensed it as soon as James made his hair grow out, and now it's more explicit with him wondering what the skirts would feel like. It seems he's questioning his gender identity now. This is really interesting--I've never read Sirius like this and it makes his character so… sad, in a way? Not only is he trying to escape the Pureblood world/judgment, but he's also dealing with sexuality/gender identity issues that cast him as an "other," an "outsider." You explore these issues so tastefully and I'm glad to be reading this story not only because it's beautiful but because it's teaching me something about a community I know little about. So thank you for that.

-- Gina

Author's Response: I consulted a couple of Indian friends in writing this story and all of them told me that magic and wizardry would probably be viewed very differently in India. From my research it also seems like magic is sort of a normal part of Hinduism? I'm not really clear on this enough to speak confidently on it, but it made sense to me that the Potters would practice magic and also practice Hinduism.

You're definitely right about Sirius and I think you'll find it clearer and clearer as the story progresses. I'm so glad that you feel like you're gaining something from reading this and that I'm being tasteful. I'm not trans so it was important to me to be cautious and respectful in writing this.

Thanks so much for all the amazing reviews omg!


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Review #14, by Unwritten CurseBreathe: v. Drowning

29th May 2015:
Yes. Yes yes yes to all of this chapter. It's beautiful and tastefully done. You made me care for Sirius in ways that most teenage-Sirius fics don't do. You've raised the stakes and made his running away *necessary*, not just a passing whim or an "end of the road" deal, but a *necessity*. Oh Sirius.

JAMES. I have to be honest--I usually don't like teenage James. He's kind of a prideful jerk. But seeing him in this light--as a friend rather than showing off for Lily or on the Quidditch pitch--makes me love him in new ways. He's so, so sweet. And also, I really like the way that you describe the Potter's house. I can see the influence from their travels and it feels so homey and warm. And knowing that the Potters are older parents makes it just… I dunno, all the details just fit.


-- Gina

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you thought this chapter was done tastefully. I was really worried that it was over the top, so that's a huge relief to hear.

I really think teenage James wasn't that big of a jerk, honestly. I feel like he was a pretty average teenage boy in that regard, maybe slightly more of a jerk because of the whole Quidditch thing. That's just me though.

The description of the Potters house was something that it was really important for me to get right because I wanted their culture and heritage to come through for readers, but I also wanted to write them the same way I would write any other small, loving family. So the house was the best way for me to get it across, I thought.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #15, by Unwritten CurseBreathe: iv. Mistake

29th May 2015:
Hi. I'm back. Are you surprised? You shouldn't be. :P

You write characters so realistically. Even though this Frederic character is unfamiliar to me (is he an OC or a minor character?), I feel like I know him now. Like he's familiar already. I loved his reaction when he thought he'd mistaken Sirius for being gay, how he got all nervous and stuttery. Love.

As to your question in your author's note, I do have to say that I think the ending is a bit rushed. What felt rushed wasn't Regulus catching them, it was when Sirius went from not being sure if he wanted to kiss Frederic because he didn't want to confirm he was gay to "he was Sirius -- Black" and "why the hell not?" Felt sudden and out of character for the Sirius you'd already established. I think it would've been more realistic if Frederic was more pushy and Sirius gave in, but of course the characters are yours and so the decisions are ultimately yours. I still loved this chapter and I still love your characters.


I can't stop reading.

-- Gina

Author's Response: Hey Gina!

Frederic is an OC. A lot of people have been saying that they like him, but I'm personally not a fan at all. He's pretty open to interpretation though.

I agree that that scene is a bit rushed and out of character. I'll go back and fix it up when I get a chance.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #16, by Unwritten CurseBreathe: iii. Trapped

29th May 2015:
Yes, I KNEW I'd read some of this story before. I'm about 99% positive that I validated this chapter when it was in the queue and I remember it vividly because it was one of the few stories I actually read for plot rather than just reading through vaguely to make sure all was well rule-wise.

I love so many things about this chapter. First is that Sirius is trying his very hardest to be good, and it's almost killing him, but he's trying and that makes me so sad and happy and all the other feels. Also, REGULUS. I adore Regulus. And I'm convinced that he loved Sirius even though they were torn apart by ideologies and the war and everything else. And that last bit of the chapter… AH! Perfect. That's exactly how I picture them--loving each other, caring for each other, but unable to say so. And James! He's being such a good friend. I love their friendship.

Next chapter, please!

-- Gina

Author's Response: Hehe, you're right! I went and checked my inbox. You validated this chapter and chapter 5 as well.

I'm so flattered by how much you're enjoying this! As a validator you must read so many stories and that this one caught your interest has me floored!

I feel exactly the same way about Regulus and Sirius' relationship and it breaks my heart :( I want to write a fic centering around Regulus sometime.

Again, I'm so glad you're enjoying this. Thank you so much for your lovely comments!


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Review #17, by Unwritten CurseBreathe: ii. Bhaii

29th May 2015:

I love this. And I'm sorry for the review I'm about to leave because it won't be helpful or coherent. Seriously, this is the best fic I've read in a long time and I'm SO excited it's a long one so that I can keep reading as you update.

Sirius feels REAL. It's the little details like his hands shaking when he got the letter and getting the Hindi-English dictionary so that James didn't feel "convenient" and how James's sign off "brother" made him happier than he'd been in weeks. ASOINREOWIJFCNE. I'm dead.

This is beautiful. So beautiful. I'm reading the next chapter now. I can't stop.

-- Gina

Author's Response: Hey again, Gina! :D Sorry I haven't gotten to the next chapter of your fic yet. Real life has been crazy recently. I'll get to it ASAP, I'm really excited to keep reading!

I'm so glad that you like this and that Sirius' characterization works for you. He's my favourite character and I was so nervous that I would get him all wrong.

Thank you so much for your kind words! It really means a lot!


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Review #18, by Unwritten CurseBreathe: i. Consequence

23rd May 2015:
Howdy, partner!

First things first, I love this. I love this so much and I don't even know how to begin this review because I just love it and my thoughts aren't coherent. I LOVE THIS.

Even though this is a short prologue-of-sorts, I am already in love. I'm guessing what Sirius is hinting at is the whole run in with Snape and Remus's transformation. I don't think I've ever read a fic that relates directly to the aftermath of that event. And I love this.

I also love Sirius. I think he might be my favorite character in the series. So I'm glad that he's narrating this. He feels exactly like the Sirius I know and love, and I especially like his self-consciousness while writing to James. It shows how good of a friend he is, and how real he is, and how lonely he is, and everything good about him, really. ♥

AND OMG THE LAST BIT. I adore the big paragraph that starts with "He lay awake in bed" and the long sentence that explores the different reactions Sirius received and how disappointment was "sharp" in Dumbledore's voice and the addition of "Sirius, how could you" and at the end, the "oh, Merlin, Remus" and *sigh* I have all the feels in my stomach right now, I'm literally giddy.

I can't even. How are you doing this to me with ONE CHAPTER? One 800-word chapter?!

I need to go cry now. This is perfection.

I'll be back.

-- Gina

Author's Response: Hey Gina! This review is awesome - thank you so much!

I am SO glad that you like this so much! I'm especially happy that Sirius is one of your favourite characters and you think that he's done well here. That really means a lot.

I don't even know how to respond to this! It's just so nice! Thank you so much, Gina!


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Review #19, by Unwritten CurseThe Orchard: Ancients

19th May 2015:
Hi again! I'm back for your third review. Sorry it took so long.

First, I have to get something off my chest… OMG REGULUS BLACK I LOVE HIM GAH. Okay, now I'm done.

But really, I adore Regulus Black. He's such an under appreciated character. So even though he's kind of being a jerk in this chapter, I still loved seeing him and knowing that he's part of the plot in some small (maybe big?) way. I'm really curious what the Slytherin boys are alluded to that happened in Mary's past. I hope I didn't miss anything, but I'm assuming you're leaving breadcrumbs and we'll find out in a later chapter.

You keep drawing me in with the Laura plot line! Why did she approach Mary? What was she going to say? And why is she in Ancient Runes when she isn't usually? I'd say you're doing a great job at sustaining the intrigue/tension. I'm certainly intrigued!

And Mary. Mary is the type of person I wish I was, but at the same time I'm grateful I'm not. Does that make sense? She's so organized and studious and she's a great friend and the "mom" of the group--all good qualities that will take her far in life. But at the same time, keeping everything together all the time is HARD. She's bound to explode one of these days, and I wouldn't want to be her (or be around her) when she does. She's kind of like Hermione in that way.

Anyway, I've really enjoyed reading these three chapters. If you'd like to continue this exchange and read/review three more chapters, just let me know on the forums. (Although I think you were asking to just read three chapters and leave a review at the end… Oops!)

-- Gina

Author's Response: Hi Gina!

I'm so glad you like Regulus! I'm so enjoyed writing him in and exploring his character. He is so under appreciated and I think he could be fairly complex! I guess we'll see the part he plays! Haha. I am a fan of bread crumbs. They are my favourite thing ever!

I suppose you'll have to find out about what is up with Laura :) she continues to play a decently large role in the fic so have no fear!

I like Mary too, but I'd rather not be her. I'm far too outspoken and straightforward. I get what you're saying though, it would be hard to be her and how she keeps everything bottled up inside her and just keeps pushing herself forward with no thoughts of how it will effect her later. I'm curious to know what you'll think of her as the chapters progress!!

:) Thanks for your lovely reviews! I've really enjoyed doing the swap, even if it was a review a chapter! I'll definitely let you know about continuing the swap when I have some more time! Thanks for the review and sorry for the length of time it took me to respond!

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Review #20, by Unwritten CurseThe Orchard: These Walls

11th May 2015:
Oh, how eerie! I really like this plot line with Laura. It's so sad, but so realistic… to be affected by war in this way… it's just… *sigh* I don't know how you do it, but you create this tone that's spot on. I think it has to do with the details you add in--just simple ones, like the candles and the birds and Mary reading a book at dawn. I need to do more of that in my own writing, because those little details have really brought your story to life. I admire that.

OMG James. Sometimes I hate him and sometimes I love him, and this is one of the times that I love him. How precious that he and Mary were childhood friends. I love that they can now chat about things as serious as war, but in a roundabout way--through talking about Wilkes, who has changed. Again, such a *normal* thing--friends drifting apart--yet within the context of war it's haunting.

Also, part of me hopes there's some Mary/James action about to happen. But at the same time I don't, because of Lily. I ship Jily always. It's not my OTP or anything, but… I hate seeing them apart. But since they don't get together until, what, seventh year (?) then I suppose I'd be okay with some Mary/James action. Yeah.

And as to your questions at the end--I still hate Florence. Why are they friends with her? WHY? I just don't get it.

- Gina

Author's Response: I hope I can continue that plot with Laura and not mess it up. I find that carrying a plot forwards I have trouble with. Or feel like I have trouble with doing so because I meander my way through a story writing those descriptions and tone into it that I think makes a story move a bit slower.

James is fun. I think it's interesting writing him from Mary's POV because we see another side of him we don't if this was in his POV or Lily's. We just see the side of their friendship and how they interact with one another. It also helps that they've just known each other so long that they are incredible comfortable with one another, even if they don't hang out all the time anymore. It's a bond that won't disappear. Furthermore, we see, perhaps, the softer side of James. He's still a bit of an arrogant toad and prankster, but people act differently or show different sides when they are with certain people. We see him this way with Mary. I have no comment on Mary/James :) That would be an interesting thought.

Thanks for the review! I hope you warm up to Florence, but it's okay if you don't. She can be really terrible. It's always good to know I can write a character realistically that people hate, so I can take that away from this :) Thanks for stopping by!

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Review #21, by Unwritten CurseThe Orchard: Welcome

11th May 2015:
Hi there! Here for our Swap. :)

I'm not sure where to start, so I'll just ramble off the things that I liked:

- The bit at the beginning about Hogwarts having lost its "magic" for Mary. That felt so real to me, yet I'd never considered it before--that students began to feel the drudgery of school and forgot about the excitement of their earlier years.

- When Florence threw the nail polish out the window. I died.

- The small details, like the Slytherin boys swishing their robes at her, and the gold and red sparks coming from a compartment on the train, and the fact that the girls were painting their nails on the train. It's such a *normal* thing to do. It made the characters feel real.

I'm quite curious where Laura was and why Lily was so concerned. Did something happen? Or was it just the reflection of their paranoia, what with being on the bring of war (at least I think so--is my timing right?).

I do have one question for you. And maybe you answer this later. But I'm really curious why Mary and Mafalda are friends with Florence. She's AWFUL. Like, a serious downer and a cynic and sometimes downright MEAN. She doesn't seem like any fun to be around, so I'm wondering if she's just an old friend they've hung on to or if there's some reason I'm not seeing why they're friends with her.

Anyway, I'm off to the next chapter. Enough of my rambling! :P

- Gina

Author's Response: Hi Gina,

Thanks for reading this story! I can imagine it happening to some students. Perhaps earlier for students who'd grown up with magic who weren't so enthralled with it. It was a normal part of their life so school was just an extension of that. Muggleborns may never because it's something that's so new and so different from their everyday experience. They knew what it was like without magic.

I wanted to focus on the normality of the scene. How they were just girls getting ready for another school year. Their world couldn't be filled with just odd or strange happenings. Some of it is just sitting around petting a cat or doing your nails.

I think it was a mixture of Lily being Lily (at least the Lily in my story) where she's paranoid and obsessive about certain things. She doesn't like not knowing something. Also, I think any strange happenings would, at this point, contribute to the fear of the war that was happening.

Florence. I love her. Not in the you're a good person sort of way, but the fact that she is fun to write. She IS awful sometimes. She... there's a lot of words I could use for her, but she's interesting to put into the story. I'm sure that probably says something about me, but I do enjoy her. I think you'll warm up to her as the chapters go on. She isn't always awful. Their friendship is also explained more as the chapters go on. It's probably a mixture of her being their friend since first year and so now it just sort of 'is' and the fact that there are good things about her past her cynical and mean personality that make her 'good'.

Thanks for your review!!

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Review #22, by Unwritten CurseAtonement Is Coming: The Dungeon

7th May 2015:
Gah! They better not kill Kingsley. Or McGonagall. What the heck?!

McGonagall's a smart witch. If she has a strategy in place, I'm less worried. I feel like she'll pull of something miraculous, especially since her captors are so freaked out about wandless magic. That's got to be foreshadowing of some kind. *crosses fingers*

Now I'm going to be impatient until you update! I'm curious what the trio are going to do when they're pulled into this mess, and what the bad people want from McGonagall. Are why they went bad in the first place, considering they were good at Hogwarts.

Anyway, I'm glad that I joined this Red vs. Gold Battle and that I got the opportunity to read your stuff. Now I have a new WIP to look out for. ;)

- Gina

Author's Response: Hi Gina!

I can assure you that they don't have any intention of killing McGonagall or Kingsley. At least, not for now. :D

McGonagall is definitely a smart witch. I think this scenario will really put that intelligence to the test. Is it foreshadowing though? Or just a Red Herring?

I'm hoping to update this really soon. I have the next two chapters written. I'm just waiting for another story to clear and then I'll be submitting chapter 4!

I really hope you'll get a chance to check this out in the future...although I should warn you that I'm painfully slow with updates on WIP's for some reason. I did enroll in the Complete That Story Part 2 Challenge with this story, so the goal is to finish it by September!


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Review #23, by Unwritten CurseAtonement Is Coming: A Surprise Announcement

7th May 2015:
Hi Kaitlin! I'm back again for more. :)

I LOVE THIS CHAPTER. It's so sweet. I especially appreciated Harry's musings about how the night would've gone had the war never happening--everyone gathering around, joking, telling stories. Ah. How I wish that could happen.

Totally random comment, but I loved it when the ladies were joking around about pregnancy--how they were bumping into things and couldn't see their feet, etc. It was precious. And it felt very real to me. I can imagine when you're that pregnant, it's all you think about!

Oh, and I adored the part where Harry echoes Dumbledore by saying he'd trust Hagrid with his life, and then Hagrid bursting into tears when he found out he was godfather. Seriously, this whole chapter was so very sweet without being over-the-top. Really, really well done.

- Gina

Author's Response: Hi Gina!

I'm so happy that you love this chapter. It was honestly a really hard one for me to write. It was tough balancing all of the different characters in it.

I've never actually been pregnant myself, but I have lots of friends who have and this is pretty much what it's like when they all got together.

I felt like that little section with Harry mimicking Dumbledore was really important. I think Hagrid is one of those people who is 100% loyal and I think it's nice to think he was rewarded for that. I know that being a Godfather would be very important to him.

Thank you so much for all of your lovely comments on my stories!


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Review #24, by Unwritten CurseFalling Out: Not About Love

5th May 2015:
Hi again! I had to read something else of yours because I loved the first piece so much. And I think I love this one even more, if that's possible.

I haven't read many songfics because I often think that the song is irrelevant or sometimes it takes away from the plot--like, the plot couldn't exist without the song, which isn't a good thing in my opinion. BUT yours is SO well done. The story could exist without the song--it stands on its own. But the song supports it beautifully, so beautifully that I can't imagine them apart.

I was a little bit worried when I saw this was a Rose/Draco, but you handled the age difference tastefully. I love the bits of conversation you threw in, and the detail about their faces at the end--Rose's being fierce and Draco's being weary--was so well done. It all felt very real to me.

Oh man. You've made a fan of me, that's for sure.

- Gina

Author's Response: Hello!
Oh yes, I wasn't going to be CASUAL about that age difference ;) This is no fluffy pairing to be shipped, more to shake one's head over and go "oh boy, what a mess."

I know what you mean about songfics, and I definitely didn't want these lyrics to just sort of sit on top and enhance the story. In my first draft I actually had them all woven into the story itself, but then realized that was against TOS. It worked because the song is itself a bit of a story, but vague enough that I could create my own specific scenes to draw it out.

Thank you so much for the review! If you ever want to long-term swap something, let me know!


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Review #25, by Unwritten CurseWolf Like Me: O here comes that moon

5th May 2015:
OMG. This is beautiful.

Favorite lines:
- "Mooney, the monster in the Man Suit"
- "We are young men made monsters, feeding on our fevers"

Bah. Seriously. This is incredible. It's lyrical, visceral, and sort of heartbreaking. You explore what it's like to be a werewolf at the same time as what it's like to be in love, what it's like to want. And every word matters. That you managed to create such a vivid story in 500 words is incredible. Now I sound like a broken record, but I mean it.

Really well done. If I have time today, I'm going to have to come back and find something else of yours to read.

- Gina

Author's Response: Hello and thank you so much! I'm like SO STOKED on your writing rn so it means a lot that you liked this piece!

Remus always seemed to sort of despise his lycanthropy, and was always so mannered and cautious, and I had a weird amount of fun writing him in wolf form and seeing a more animalistic side of him.

Thank you again so much for this review!

(PS: I forgot to mention, but I hope you do add another chapter to your Hermione/Krum story--I was SO into it! I actually requested a really similarly toned story from Teh Tarik recently because that's EXACTLY the kind of thing I want to read more of)

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