Excellenct chapter, the quiddich match was AWESOME!! Down to two player and they still win by 20 points! Report Review
Loved it. The scene at the end was akward but very good. I'd love to see Tegan at the Weasley christmas. Report Review
Poor Scorpius, I actually feel sorry for him. I mean his dad is an .ass., he only just found out he's going to be a dad and now his childs going to be put up for adoption.
But what about Rose, her parents are practially divorcing over her and now the whole school knows about her 'little problem'
Can't wait for the next chapter and thx for the quick updates.
=] Report Review
This is your best story yet. It's so beautiful and heartfelt.
I'm going to give you 10/10 with ease.
Oh and I'm working on 2nd Chapter of G4Y (thats my abreviation for Girls for a Year) and it looks like the word Gay, cuz Harry and Ron kind of go gay. Anyway I won't spoilt it. It mightn't be done until the holidays cuz i've got English, RE, Cooking and Graphics exams and an assignment due in the next two weeks along with exam week. But you know how it is =]Author's Response: Thank-you dude, guess what I found out! Report Review
Beautiful is the only word I can use to describe this story.Author's Response: Thanks, this is probably my favorite of my one shots. I'm glad you like it. Report Review
Hi! This is a great story but I have a few tiny suggestions,
When you describe Lily's eye, "Her eyes were perfectly shaped, round yet oval at the same time" almond shaped would fit in there.
Also here "James had been playing for years and was one of the best chasers in the school" James was a seeker.
Then there's "Potter beat up the last guy who asked her out. He still isn’t back form the hospital wing and he has been there for 6 days now." but at the same time your stating that they haven't been fighting resently. The idea the James beat up the last guy that asked Lily out is really funny but you need to make it a bit further back for it to work.
Where you've got all the 0's if you look in the toolbar above where you paste the text in there should be a line. click on that and you can put a line in.
But I don't like being negative so now it's time to possitive.
I totatally loved the 'GOD" thing and Lily being attacked by Sirius then James saving her.
And James P.D.A. (public display of affection) at the Great Hall was really funny, in fact all of James' P.D.A's were funny. No wonder Lily hates him.
Now finally James eventually has to stop being a git and calm down. Then I think he'll get Lily but save that for much later chapters. I enjoy James' attempts too much for it to happen soon.
Anyway that's all for now, fantastic start can't wait to see where you take it. =] jess_kAuthor's Response: Hey, thank you soooo much for the comments, i really value them, and as for the which position james plays thingo, in the movie it has him as seeker but aparently JKR said he plays chaser. And as for james calming down and stopping being a git thing, well thats all part of "THE PLAN" which you find out about in the second chapter... if it is ever validated. I think i have read some of your stories (and reveiwed) because your name seems really familiar... anyway i will check but if you do read this then please tell me if i have. Or just ignore me if im wrong (which i probably am not that i will admit it) Please keep reading!!! :) Siriusly_In_Love Report Review
Urh. My favourite show is on right now but i'm so hooked on this story I can't possible tear myself away. Well done, this is a great story. =] 10/10Author's Response: Lol, glad you like the fic! Report Review
Yes you are pure evil for leaving all your readers on such a cliffhanger! More, more, more and quickly!!! =] Report Review
Loved the chapter, especially Ron having amnesia. I mean that's not a good thing to happen to someone but it makes for an interesting story.Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. =) Report Review
Ok, definetly your best chapter so far.
Ok I understand the problem with a Slytherin and Gryffindor going out but what about a pure blood and a muggle-born? That to me would be more of a problem. Why is Ron angry? Does he just hate Draco? Does he love Hermione? What's he going to do to get her back? Why does Hermione like Draco (and vise versa)? And why would Draco just all of a sudden ask Hermione out? Add some more tension and some suspence. Did Hermione some how indicate to him that she liked him or did someone tell him?
You need some more description, get inside the characters heads. What makes them tick and why do they do what they do. What does Hermione think that everyone will say when she anounces she's with Draco? How will Harry react when he finds out what's wrong with Ron? Why did they just run away?
Now I know you've finished this story but i hope you read this and use it in anyother stories you write. I'll be looking out for them. Report Review
Ok, not too bad, but there is certainly room for improvement. Now for starters space your writing better. See how you've got
"Hey Harry do you think Hermione made head girl?I should have asked her in the letter I sent"said Ron."Ron you know she did she is so smart and is good a bossing people around"laughed Harry.
Space it more like this,
"Hey Harry do you think Hermione made head girl? I should have asked her in the letter I sent." said Ron.
"Ron you know she did, she's so smart and is good at bossing people around." laughed Harry.
Another tip is that British people say mum not mom. I should know being an Australian (Australia was settled by the British if u didn't know).
Make Hermione/Draco's relationship more secret. Make them hate each other but as they get to know each other as head boy/girl they begin to like each other. And stick to one thinking as one character.
At the beginning you start as Hermione, the change to Harry/Ron and then Hermione and then to Draco. Just stick to one character per chapter.Or if you feel you need to have more than one character put it in different 'scenes'.
Try to get conversation flowing more, don't just skip to the next 'scene' because you can't think of anything more for them to say, listen to people around you and make the conversation last a bit long. It doesn't obviously last forever but just get us inside the heads of everyone, not just Hermione/Draco.
And lastly check your spelling or type it up on Word or some other type of document that can check your spelling for you.
4/10, not to be cruel, (and i really don't want to come across like that) it's because i want you to be a better writter. Report Review
Beautiful Chapter. Rose is so clueless about love but it makes for an excellent story. =] Report Review
Yeah!! I've been away 4 a few weeks and u don't know how happy i was to see not one, but two new chapters! I love the end bit with Hugo and Rose at the scan. Ginniy is so good to Rose and Jenny sounds seriously like me, from the curly brown hair to the Ravenclaw status, lol.
Anyway great chapter (well chapters actually) thx for the quick update. =] Report Review
Good story, i will definetly read on. Love the banner.
=] jess_kAuthor's Response: Aw, thanks hun! And the banner is gorgeous, isn't it? =) Report Review
Nice chapter, thx for the quick update. I like the new darker direction, it seems more fitting. And what are they going to do to Amy!?Author's Response: hey! I'm glad you're liking the shift in tone and atmosphere. Darkness is brooding and the war's coming closer. You'll have to wait and see!
x Report Review
Interesting story, i will definetly read on. Love the banner btw.
=] jess_kAuthor's Response: thank you - and i know; isn't it perfect ?! Report Review
I like this story a lot. Tara seems to be pretty sure of her Slytherin status at the moment but i think that it might change in the future, she seems to like the story of 'Harry Potter'. I think her inventing the story about her dad dying and being raised as a muggle is very clever.
I'd really love it if you made your chapters a bit longer - that really contradictory coming from me the queen of short chapters i know - but i thinks that there is a lot more that could be put into your chapters. As so for future references Wikipedia has a lot of info on after the Epologue. I know Wikipedia is not exactly a trusted site but it has a lot of good info on what happens after the 7th book, for example "At Hogwarts, Slytherin House has become more diluted and is no longer the pureblood bastion it once was, although its dark reputation lingers"
Which i feel could be helpful to your story.
Also it would be great if you could work on the charcterisation, get us inside Tara's head. Why does she want to be in Slytherin? What did Scorpious tell her? Why does she hang out with people who won't accept her? And does she realise that she wouldn't even be at Hogwarts if Harry hadn't killed Voldy?
Other very good points which must be mentioned, love how the person narrating the story changes each chapter and you get the dialogue of the nasty Slytherins perfectly.
Ok and that's about all I have to say at the moment. I'll try to give you an ever BIGGER review for your next chapter. Oh and thanks for reviewing my story, it was very encouraging.
Good luck with the next chapter midwinter_wolf (U have and awesome name)
jess_kAuthor's Response: OMG You liked this story? I have to admitt, I'd kind of given up on it, because you're right, I havn't really written it very well, lol! Yeah, I think I might have a go at rewriting it somtime but at the moment I am really really busy woth everything and I've kind of stopped writing for them moment, but you have soo inspired me to carry on! Thankyou so much for the brilliant, lovely, fanastic review!!! Report Review
Aww that was so sad. I know i can't believe Fred died! Why did he have to die?! And yes I'll raise my hand aswell, i cryed during the flashback. I pretty much cry during most sad stories, i fact i was on the verge of tears reading this one. I'm a complete sap, i cry at everything. lol. Anyway loved it, 10/10Author's Response: Aw, me too! Sorry for making you cry :( Thanks so much for the awesome review/rating! Report Review
Loved it! Plz write more soon.
=] Report Review
I loved this chapter. Your writing has improved out of sight! Her thoughts are a brilliant as ever and her dialogue is much improved. I still think that she could have been more angry. Maybe it was not the place in this chapter but i hope to see her really loose it in future chapters. She has a right, I mean how dare they plan her whole life! What is a girl ment to do?
Now I'm only going to give you an 8/10 because I'm saving the 9 & 10 for the perfect chapter that I know you can achieve.
Great chapter and good luck with the next, =] jess_kAuthor's Response: wow thanks so much for your reviews they have been so helpful and honest. I'll incorperate your suggestions and my own worries about her passiveness into the next chapters.
Thanks again, xx Report Review
Aww, little Teddy and Victoire are so cute. I totally cracked up over the 'painting' bit. And I'm not a huge fan of Treacle Tart, got any chocolate slice in that virtual cupboard? Anyway great story, 10/10 =]Author's Response: Haha, yeah, me neither. I was discussing Treacle Tart with someone and we decided (since neither of us have tried it before) it's like a pecan pie without the pecans. I believe I have chocolate frogs? I hope that'll be okay! Thanks for the great review :) Report Review
Hi, I'll really enjoying your story so far. I do have a question though, you said in the last chapter that Umbridge and the DA existed but Harry in this chapter couldn't do a Patronus properly so my question is who would have taught them and why would Umbridge have needed to be there? But anyway it's a really good story and you should still be proud of it. If you hadn't of said it was you first Fan fiction story I wouldn't have believed it was your first fan fiction.
Oh and thanks a lot for the reviews you gave to my story. They're helping me a lot with my new story which i have decided to re-write.
=] 10/10 jess_kAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review. I think you got a little mixed up and you may want to re-read the chapter. Harry could do a patronus and he did one really well. The problem is that it wasn't the right form. His patronus in this world is not a stag like it is in the other. He also did a really strong patronus. The D.A. did not go over patronuses in the 5th year in this world unlike how they did in the other world. So his strong patronus is unusual especially when he just learned how to make one. You'll soon find out why... Just as soon as I finish writing the next chapter...
~Meg Report Review
Well you see I was putting my banner on Tinypic so I could get it to work and I saw at the bottom of the page another Harry Potter banner. I thought, 'that looks interesting maybe I can find it on HPFF'. And I did and i'm very glad because it is a really great story. I like this character Evangeline and I really want to read the next few chapters about this party - except my sister in nagging me to get off the computer so I'll have to read them later but it's been added to favourites.
=] 10/10Author's Response: ahh thanks so much. I know my banner is good, I could never make one that good.
hope you like the other chapters.
xx Report Review
He, he, he! Khia you have a great sence of humor. I can't wait for the next chapter. =] 10/10 Report Review
I love Ginny's diary-type entry at the beginning. The ending is very sweet. =]Author's Response: Thanks for commenting! It really puts a smile on my face. Report Review
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