Reading Reviews From Member: Jazzeh Turnip
  
213 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Jazzeh TurnipElvendork, It's Unisex : This Is Madness

22nd August 2010:
Hello! PrincessPadfoot reccomended that I read some of your stuff, and I remember listening to this on the podcast.

Firstly I have to say that I love how you have such a variety of different fics. I've glanced through quite a few today, and reviewed another, and I'm quite amazed by you. How do you do it? What's your secret?

Sirius and James are such jokers. I have no idea what Elvendork even IS, but it's hilarious. Lily seemed so hopeful too and then all her hopes were dashed when the pair came out with that ridiculous name.

I have to say that I really wasn't expecting that "I'm always Sirius" joke. They get me every. Single. Time. Without fail.

Lily may not be able to understand why those to always misbehave, but I can't understand why she's not laughing her head off. She's always so Sirius, I suppose? Haha. Saying that I think Lily is really in character, as are James and Sirius.

I'm not sure if I like you writing darker or lighter stories better. I think you're equally good at both, which is rare. Most are good at one but not another, so yay! :)

9/10
Lorren.

Author's Response: Hello! I'm really flattered that she recommended my stuff.

Ha ha, thank you. I'm afraid I have no secrets to thrust upon you. I simply am bored by writing one thing. It's dull, to me. I like exploring different concepts, relationships, etc. I think it has more to do with my personality than writing, actually. If that makes any sense.

Ha ha! I'm really glad you think it's hilarious. I got it off one of Jo's drabbles where she was writing about James and Sirius talking about how Elvendork was a unisex name.IT amused me.

Aw. I have to admit the 'always Sirius' joke seemed cheesy, but I couldn't resist. Some cliches are too good to pass up.

I'm really glad also that I managed to keep them all in character. That is always something that I strive hard to accomplish.

Wow. Thank you so much. That's the highest praise I think anyone's ever given me, and I absolutely appreciate it.


Linders


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Review #27, by Jazzeh TurnipAl Potter and His Very Epic Plan: The First Day (dammit rosie, quit sucking)

22nd August 2010:
I didn't really like Kitty until this chapter. I just adore her optimism. She must be made of rainbows or something.

Haha, James' little paper aeroplane notes are hilarious and I hope James continues this whole charade a little longer but isn't serious about it. I also like that both Harry and Ginny were fine with Albus being sorted into Slytherin. It would've broken my fragile little heart if they hadn't. I love Albus, he's so adorable.

I like the potions lesson and the explanation of all that's going on. We never got that in detail in the book, so I quite like it (and I went to chemistry camp so... I like stuff like that, haha). I really love how all the Slytherin first years seem to stick together.

I love how you've managed to balance the characters. Faith's loudness really contrasts with how timid Kitty is, and I like that. I also like how you're not ignoring the quiter characters :)

I really like how you've written this. You don't use too much dialogue, and you always balance it out with some narrative or descriptive. It always kills me a little inside when good storys consist of 90% dialogue.

8/10
Lorren

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

>Haha, James' little paper aeroplane notes are hilarious and I hope James continues this whole charade a little longer but isn't serious about it.

Oops. Sorry to disappoint you, but James is completely serious about everything. I mean, he's not very GOOD at being serious, but he's trying his best.

>(and I went to chemistry camp so... I like stuff like that, haha).

Your mind is literally unfathomable to me.

Not that that's a bad thing!

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #28, by Jazzeh TurnipAl Potter and His Very Epic Plan: SLYTHERIN! (so far so good)

22nd August 2010:
I love how grumpy Scorpius is. It seems like he's resigned himself to the fact he's going to be in Slytherin despite knowing that everyone hates Slytherin because of its bad reputation. And again, I love how timid Al is.

Hagrid was perfectly characterised. You got his voice just right.

The imagery with the boats taking them to the castle was lovely. Not too descriptive, and very like JKR's writing. I laughed so hard when Hagrid started talking about Scorpius looking like a Malfoy and talking quietly ("which meant people in the castle couldn't hear him") haha!!!

And Faith?! That was a killer. An elephant sat on Flitwick? Or was it Hagrid who sat on him? HAHA!

The sorting song was brilliant. I dislike that people booed the slytherins :( James' characterisation was amazing. I really want to know how Al's parents will react.

The gender switching potion thing, haha. Lia reminds me a lot of Faith.

Another brilliant chapter. This is a very interesting idea. I've never thought before that the slytherins would be viewed so badly after the war.

9/10
Lorren

Author's Response: Argh, sorry responding took so long... My computer sort of exploded and I had to get very expensive people to fix it.

>An elephant sat on Flitwick? Or was it Hagrid who sat on him? HAHA!

Oh, come on, if it had been Hagrid who'd sat on him he'd be flat as a pancake.

Thank you very much, and thank you for reviewing!





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Review #29, by Jazzeh TurnipAl Potter and His Very Epic Plan: On The Hogwarts Express (om nom nom food)

22nd August 2010:
I really like this so far. It's a little be crazy but lovely and funny all at the same time.

Scorpius' characterisation was great. I can see him being all quiet and reserved like that, especially after his family being as involved with Voldy as they were. I loved Albus too. He seems niave and young, which is exactly what he is so I think you've captured his ages perfectly. Rose/Rosie is just the perfect combination of both her mother and father. It's hilarious.

Al's encounter with Faith was so hilarious. I really like her character and I hope she pops up again; I love how blunt she is. I think she would be a bit too much in large quantities though.

So, great start. I love how Al decides to make it his mission to bring respect back to Slytherin and I can't wait to read on.

9/10
Lorren

Author's Response: Thank you!

>I think she would be a bit too much in large quantities though.

Oh, whoops.

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #30, by Jazzeh TurnipFantastic Staff and Where to Find Them: Tom Riddle

22nd August 2010:
You wrote the young Voldemort perfectly. Tom Riddle had that charm about him, but was still a bit of a man piece on the inside. This is spot on to what I think the teenaged Tom would've been like.

You really captured both his cruel, heartlessness, but you made him more human than the Voldy we know.

As soon as Myrtle was mentioned I was just WAITING for it to happen. I love the idea that he'd planned it all, almost as if he was using her as his first killing... a practice. And the mention of the diary too -shudder-

10/10
Lorren

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Review #31, by Jazzeh TurnipWhat Is The Point Of Chickens?: 'What Is The Point In Chickens?'

22nd August 2010:
Weasley stories are my favourite. This one is so funny, probably made all the more funny by the fact I find chickens hilarious. And Ron being the Pied Piper of chickens? I can so see that.

The opening paragraph is beautiful, and upon reading it I was thinking I got the wrong story based on the title.

Your characterisation of Ron and the twins is perfect, and the dialogue is just amazing.

You unnessicarily use more than one exclaimation or question mark at a time, which irritates me a little, but because this is funny I'll let it slide.

8/10
Lorren

Author's Response: aww loll thanks for this review! that's wicked :) I'm so pleased you liked it. I have also recorded this story in the podcast section if you're interested to see how I cope with all the voices!

That's really cool that you say that, as description isn't my forte!

Aw this review keeps getting better and better and better!

Oh... yes... I did that a lot in the past : P : ) I'll refrain from doing it now

10/10 for your review

Rachel


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Review #32, by Jazzeh TurnipLily's Dreamland: Magic in the Meadow

22nd August 2010:
This is such an interesting idea. So Marley in Lily's dreamland represented the people from her future? Such a beautiful idea. Do you think Lily knew that James had a Stag animagus form?

I loved all the symbolism too, especially of the sapling representing Harry.

I can really see this being something that happens. It seems as though Lily relyed on this magical dream land when her own life wasn't magical enough, but duing the years at Hogwarts she had plenty of magic so she didn't need her dreamland... she was already in it.

I certainly did get tingles as I read that last part. It's beautiful. Bravo :)

10/10
Lorren.

Author's Response: Thanks! Yes and I figure if Marely wanted to then from her past as well, but in the story Marley appears as James, an older version of herself, and Harry. Thanks! And I feel like she might have found out once they started dating, because I don't think she would have accepted anything less than the truth about where the four of them disappeared to every month.

Now that you mention it, I agree totally. She definitely would visit a few times throughout her Hogwarts career, especially mostly during breaks when she wasn't allowed to do magic outside of school.

Thanks again. This is seriously my favorite story of mine, so I'm happy others like it too.

~alex


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Review #33, by Jazzeh TurnipSurrendering My Broken Heart: Progress

22nd August 2010:
That is a gorgeous chapter image and banner. I love it.

The first paragraph is such a hooker (not like that). It's beautifully written and almost like poetry.

Typo in the third paragraph: "Owelery"

I think you nailed both James' and Lily's characters. I don't really think James would react the way he did to Lily refusing to kiss him just yet, but I see why you did it for the sake of the story and considering this was for the "Firsts Challenge". It is very well written despite that though, and you have some beautiful lines in there.

8/10
Lorren

Author's Response: Hi Lorren

The artists at TDA are great aren't they! I had to badger the same artist to make the chapter image for me as well when I saw just how stunning the banner was that she made for me.

Aw, thankyou for the lovely birthday review, it was nice to wae up to. You're not the first one to point that out about James' character, so I'll definitley be looking at editing that whenever I can get around to it. Also, thankyou for pointing out the typo, grr, I hate those things lol.

Thanks again for the amazing review.

Katie x


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Review #34, by Jazzeh TurnipThe World, Biscuits And Sirius Black According To Nellie OíNeill.: Izzie, Quills, Biscuits And Me

22nd August 2010:
I'm glad you didn't say Peter was ugly. "Cute" isn't quite the same as gorgeous, but I have to say it does fit.

I really like how Nellie isn't ridiculously shy and fainting at the site of Sirius. She actually managed a conversation with him :o Wow, haha.

Speaking of Nellie, I really like her character. She seems quite similar to me, so it might be bad of me to laugh at the things she says if that's the case ^.^

I love how Binns is so dull he doesn't even shout. I can really picture that.

The fish finger thing made me laugh so much.

8/10
Lorren

Author's Response: Yes! I'm glad you like that. It bugs me when people make him really ugly or something just cause they don't like him. Haha! Nellie isn't a shy character. Haha really? That's awesome. Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter :)

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Review #35, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: Sunshine Superman

22nd August 2010:
I just feel like a broken record now, repeating myself. I was saving everything, but I think I'm all dried up now.

Saying that, this is another fantastic chapter. Your writing is consistant, and your characterisation is too. I like how all the relationships and friendships are developing. I'm glad they finally did something with both of their groups of friends.

Am I right in thinking Reid's going to get together with Cecilia? That last sentence really made me laugh, but I just know she must like this Reid guy, even if she is a bit grumpy and annoyed that he set her on fire.

10/10 -clicks favourite-
Lorren

Author's Response: I know that feeling. I only managed 50 reviews total for the review-fest. It's hard to leave so many at once, especially feeling pressured to leave good ones!

Reid and Cecilia. hehe. Yes, spoiler, they eventually get together. But not for long. You'll have to keep going to see why ;) She did like him quite a lot, thus her annoyance with him. I wrote a spin-off one-shot about the fireworks incident, and then a spin-off short story about them as well. I quite like them as a couple, they're both kind of, um, not-12+ words, but they're so much fun to write.

Anyway thank you so much for stopping by to review (Ravenclaws ftw!) and I hope you finish the story and let me know what you think!


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Review #36, by Jazzeh TurnipBewitched : Bewitched

22nd August 2010:
I'm not fond of second person, but this is wonderful. Your narrative is so beautiful. I love all the opposing pairs you used to describe how much of a contrast he is to her.

Sanpe/Lily is somewhat of a downfall of mine. It sucks me in everytime and I just can't resist. It's beautiful pieces like this that's the reason for my infatuation with the pairing. I think one of the main reasons why Snape/Lily never happened in canon was because Snape never thought himself good enough, just as you've written here, so I love that.

I almost feel as if this could've ended a little earlier than it did at "And you two will forever be twined, if only by a future love that has yet to exist". To me the ending seems a little weak for how powerful this piece is.

9/10
Lorren.

Author's Response: Normally, neither am I. For this piece, however, I was inspired to write in the second person. It was seemingly easy that night.

Ha ha, I generally hate Lily/Snape. However, the line given to me for the challenge seemed to appropriately fit a piece about those two, so I couldn't resist.

I'm really glad that you loved all the opposing pairs I used when I compared the two. To be honest, I had a lot of fun there, too.

Thanks, I'm really glad that you loved this.

I actually liked the ending, but to each our own. I'm glad that you enjoyed the piece, at any rate.


Linders


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Review #37, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: Then He Kissed Me

22nd August 2010:
Yay for Molly actually wearing ROBES rather than Muggle clothes. That's always been one thing I notice, and I can't say it annoys me because everyone does it, is that people always dress pureblooded characters in Muggle clothes.

I remember reading your blog post about twins, so it made me chuckle a little bit here "Other people, including her father (but never her mother), mixed them up all the time."

I'm liking how their relationship is progressing, and I like how no-ones antagonising it. Yet? Will there ever be that? I don't know. I don't mind either. I quite like the simple plot line. You write it brilliantly

I now have 10 more reviews to go until I hit 200 :) Yay for your story.

10/10
Lorren

Author's Response: Yes, robes! Hardly anyone writes them. I find it easier. I think at one point Molly wears something like a knitted skirt, but that was more to throw in something about her knitting than to describe clothes. I hate describing clothes. It's so pointless to me.

I try to fit the twins stuff into canon, but as you know, that's a pet peeve of mine ;)

Yes, they get some bumps. The twins meddle a bit, Siobhan accidentally meddles a bit, some of it is Molly's temper, that kind of thing. I really prefer internal plots, where characters develop and overcome their own issues rather than a bunch of shootouts and such.

(Go Ravenclaw!) Thanks for the reviews! You're doing great!


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Review #38, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: I'm Into Something Good

22nd August 2010:
Oooh, Arthur's turned into a bit of a ladies man then, eh?

I'm really loving how you've written this. You don't elaborate more than you need to, and I rather like not being told every ridiculous detail about Arthur or Molly's friends. This is probably the funniest chapter for me, by far, and thus my favourite chapter.

I like how you use song titles for your chapter titles, and how you put in a relevant verse from that song too. It's a nice touch and it makes me want to go listen to all the songs.

I think I've said/read the world Molly so much that it doesn't seem like a name or a word any more.

10/10
Lorren

Author's Response: This is the 600th review for this story! Woot! Thank you for coming by and reading, I do appreciate it.

The song titles are all from songs of this period (1966-1969ish), and I tried to make them fit the chapters. Someone once made an Unsinkable playlist on iTunes, but I don't know if it's still there.

That happens to me with words sometimes too. Siobhan's name especially.

Ah the funny. Wait til you get to the badger scene. That is possibly my favorite in the entire novel, I must admit.


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Review #39, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: Brown-Eyed Girl

22nd August 2010:
I like how this story is progressing. It's not too fast and although only a few days have passed, it doesn't feel to slow either.

I will respect the rights of others not to fancy me - That is probably the funniest thing ever to have to write lines of. And I admit the child in me giggled when I read "polishing his broomstick".

I'm in love with this story now. I liked the other chapters a lot, but now I'm in love with it, so I apologise if my reviews turn into repetitive fangirling rubbish.

I love that Molly's still uncertain about it all. I think that's part of the reason why it doesn't seem like it's zipping ahead, and you haven't had them instantly snogging in the corridors, just because Arthur asked her out.

I can see why you love Molly/Arthur so much. They're such lovely characters and together it's so adorable. -jumps to next chapter-

10/10

Author's Response: Nope, not zipping ahead so much, although Molly does decide she's in love quite quickly (her friends try to point this out to her and suggest it's just hormones) but it takes them several chapters to say it to each other. I actually think their relationship develops into real, true love only after their break-up and reunion (yes, not much of a spoiler is it? I mean, we all know I love canon, they're obviously going to be together haha).

The "I will respect..." line made me chuckle uncontrollably when I wrote it. I feel quite happy when a reviewer points it out, cause I really liked that bit. XD Polishing - naughty girl haha. Wait til you hit the Patronus chat-up line.

I am really pleased that you like the story so much! It makes me very happy when someone loves something I wrote, it's such a great feeling. Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #40, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: Gimme Little Sign

22nd August 2010:
This story is like a whole bundle of happy wrapped up in words, isn't it? I'm reading it and I can't stop myself from grinning at random points that aren't even particularly fluffy or joyous.

I can really see Arthur being the type to run trhough the hall ways shaking random peoples hands and hollering with happiness, all because Molly said yes.

I like how you mentioned Voldy, and how even when he wasn't at his full power the first time round he could frighten people. I was hoping you'd mention something like that, so yay :)

10/10
Lorren

Author's Response: Hahaha. Yes, it is rather fluffy, isn't it? Arthur is a very ebullient sort, always cheerful. I thought he'd be this way as a teenager. And I thought that was a funny image.

Voldy is just coming into play in the Unsinkable series (yeah, this is a series: there's a sequel, a sequel to the sequel, three spin-off one-shots, two spin-off short stories, and now a one-shot collection that I'm currently writing. It's slightly crazy, I know). He gets a few more mentions in Unsinkable but really comes forward in the sequel.

Thank you for the review!


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Review #41, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: I Can't Help Myself

22nd August 2010:
Okay, I'm getting completely immersed in this now. I read the first half without writing anything down to say in my review.

Arthur is such a sweetie though. And I squee'd so much when Molly pecked him on the cheek. I think this story could turn anyone into diehard Molly/Arthur shippers. You write both of the characters so well, and I'm liking how they're actually the MAIN characters, rather than how so many people write a story based around 2 people, but have their best friend or something feature in it so heavily it's like they're actually the main character.

I should probably mention the plot as well... I like it. A lot. I'm always amazed when people come up with plot ideas, probably because I hardly ever have them, and this is such a good idea. It's fluffy but funny at the same time.

I'm planning on using the story to break the 200 reviews total mark :) 14 more to go :D

10/10
Lorren.

Author's Response: It seems to have converted a few people to my favorite ship, yeah. XD This story focuses heavily on Molly/Arthur, but it does have a few subplots, notably Cecilia and Reid, and occasionally Molly's brothers, who get in trouble with Arthur a few times.

Romantic comedy is pretty much my favorite thing to write, and it's pretty much this entire novel. The sequel is quite a bit darker, though. More mature, I suppose, as everyone's a bit older and the first Voldywar is gearing up more heavily.

Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm glad you chose me to help break the 200 review mark for ya ;) I'm really enjoying reading your reviews.


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Review #42, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: Red Rubber Ball

22nd August 2010:
I really like your descriptive. It's not over the top (like when people start describing someones shoes...) and it reminds me a lot of JKR. She only gives vague descriptions of the most prominent features of a character, like you have here.

Slughorns character is so perfect! He definitely does seem like the kind of teacher you can go to for anything and he'd just laugh it off and tell you/help you anyway. Arthur is just so much like the character we know. I think you're a genius, y'know that, right?

I felt sorry for Arthur after he'd been given the antidote. He's so sweet and adorable, bless him. I'm glad the potion made Molly begin to see that Arthur is just as awesome as Thaddeus.

9/10
Lorren

Author's Response: Yeah, I don't feel the need to fill in every single bit of the characters. I skip those parts in stories where people do it, so I don't write it. :)

I had fun writing old Sluggy. He wasn't as difficult as Dumbledore to write, oddly, despite the fact we know Dumbledore so much better. I had trouble with him when I wrote "Shift", wasn't sure I'd gotten him.

Aw, a genius, really? Thank you! You are so sweet.


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Review #43, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: You Can't Hurry Love

22nd August 2010:
I like the names of your characters. Henrietta Habbershaw? Genius, and very in keepwith with the HP universe's habit of using obscure names to name all the children born into it.

I love this young Molly. There was a reason this won a Dobby, eh? It's brilliant, and hilarious. Hattie seems a little like the dim best friend, which just makes me laugh. I love her character already.

So much chaos in just the first chapter ^.^ -reads on to the next-

9/10
Lorren

Author's Response: Aw thanks! I'm still totally delighted to have won two Dobbies on this story (since really, the Most Convincing Ship wasn't associated with a story, but it was this. What else do I write? lol).

Hattie's one of my favorites, and I totally got a kick out of naming her. It sounded like a Jane Austen name to me. Totally Regency.

Thank you for the review! :)


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Review #44, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Final Battle: The Hat

22nd August 2010:
A story from the Sorting Hat's point of view? Wow. Original. I like it.

I like how you wrote the Sorting Hat's thoughts, but interupted them by the sounds of the battle raging on in the castle. I especially like how you had him pondering about his 3 most memorable sortings, and how they were relevant to the current battle.

The ending was good too. He may've just been a hat, but he matters enough for someone to notice, pick him up, and then put him in pride of place on the Head Masters desk.

8/10
Lorren.

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Review #45, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Final Battle: Red Hearts

22nd August 2010:
Hii. you asked me to review your collab pieces, so here I am :D

That's a powerful and hooking first sentence you've got there. I instantly knew who was saying it. The way you described this war is so good. How it didn't seem real until one of their own was affected, and how the death of one of their own spurred them on to fight even harder was just very real and very touching. I like how you said about how the others in the family were feeling. United by their loss, but dealing with it in their own different ways, be it anger or fright or whatever else. That's completely what the Weasleys are about characterised them pretty darn well.

I like how you started and ended with dialogue. It's very effective and ties the beginning to the end so very well. "My son is dead... He will not die in vain". Which brings me onto say you DID use the wrong form of vein/vain but hey-ho. You can't change it now, eh? ^.^

I get such a strong feeling of hope from this story. Some of the other collab pieces have a hopeless feel to them, but this one is the polar opposite of that. Well done :)

8/10
Lorren

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Review #46, by Jazzeh TurnipHeads or Tails: Very Rare Indeed

22nd August 2010:
This is a good opening chapter I have to say.

The character of Merlaina is American but not so much it glares out of the story and is the only thing I can notice. She thorougly blends in with the crowd, which is exactly what would happen. So I very much like that aspect of this story.

Ollivanders characterisation is so good too. You've got his dialogue perfect. The paragraph where he talks to Merlaina about the bald eagle feather wand is a little odd though. It just seems like there's too much in that paragraph, and some of your grammar is off; I noticed a few missing comma's.

I also think you could've done without the break in the chapter towards the end. It disrupts the flow and doesn't give anything back to the story, and considering all they did was apparate it doesn't seem nessecary. Perhaps just having something like "She felt herself being squeezed in all directions, and then it was over. She opened her eyes and saw before her, not Diagon Alley, but an ancient castle; Hogwarts."

There's a little typo in the ending sentence too. Rod should be rode, but I make typo's like that all the time. My hands go faster than my brain can work.

I like how you characterised Snape. He has his classic sterness and is his usual grumpy self. The briefness of his dialogue is also very in character of him.

Merlaina's name is good too. It's odd, like most wizarding names, but it doesn't seem completely ridiculous.

Overall this is a really good start. You've set the characters up nicely and I can't wait to see how you develop Merlaina. It'll be interesting to see what happens when she gets to hogwarts too and how others react to her.

7/10
Lorren.

Author's Response: I've been so overwhelmed with this review that I haven't really known how to respond. :)

First off thank you for reading and leaving such an awesome review. Secondly I am a terrible speller, dyslexic etc. and I do my best to catch them all but you will continue to see those if you continue reading. I do try to go back and fix the ones that I find after the fact.

I have thought about the break and I can see where you are coming from. I think I put that break in because I have more of a playwriting background I think in scenes which is why sometimes my dialogue can take over chapters at times, but I'm trying to be more descriptive.

Merlaina's name will kind of be explained in further chapters. I really do love the name and am glad you are fond of it too.

I hope you continue to read because I'm rather interested to hear what you have to say about the rest and what the future has to bring.


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Review #47, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Field: A Gaping Hole

22nd August 2010:
I've always thought Andromeda must've had a pretty difficult time after the war, and you've written all of that so beautifully here. It never crossed my mind that it was her idea for Ted to go into hiding, but I find I like the idea better than him just running off because he wants to.

That first flashback scene was really touching. I'm always so terrible at writing emotional dialogue like that, but you've managed to get it to be believable and real. Andromeda seemed really desperate too, which was probably the most upsetting thing; she had to get Ted to leave, but without knowing if he was coming back, and without knowing if she'd even be there for him to come back to.

I like how you wrote everything that happened with Tonks and Remus in one paragraph. That really helps show how quickly it all happened, which is a nice touch. I also like how Tonks ninja'd off on the day of the final battle, rather than trying to fight her way through her mother and out of the house. I can't imagine how horrible it would've been for Andromeda to be told that the closest people to her are dead, and now she essentially has to be a single mother. Wow. What a strong woman.

I like the progression of Andromeda's memories of Tonks. They go from good to bad, to good again, to completely heart breaking. It was a little overwhelming actually. One moment I was squeeing and a chubby cute baby, the next I'm tearing up because Tonks is dead.

The ending was so beautiful, and I admit I cried. I love how you didn't write that she was carrying on for the sake of Teddy, but you made it clear that she was and how much he meant to her despite him being somewhat the cause of her pain. He was also the solution too, huh?

So, very beautiful story. I got lost in your writing and I adored the use of your flashbacks. How you characterised Andromeda was fantastic. Tonks seems a lot like her, which is how I always pictured it to be.

10/10
Lorren.

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Review #48, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Final Battle: Never Give Up

22nd August 2010:
I admit, when I first saw the title of this, I instantly thought of Rick Astley's song "Never Gonna Give You Up".

I really like the mention of Grawp doing his bit, even if he is tiny compared to the other giants, and I love how you reflected that onto Neville's situation too.

I always wanted Neville to be the one to defeat Bellatrix, but with this fic I'm happy to give that to Molly. I think just the fact that Neville never gave up in his fight is vengence enough. I think it actually meant more for him not to kill her than it would've had he killed her.

Those final sentences are a little abrupt, but I like them. Perhaps if there was something a little more between them it would've worked a bit better, but I still think they work very effectively at closing off the story and sticking in my mind.

8/10
Lorren

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Review #49, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Final Battle: For my parents

22nd August 2010:
That's a very good first paragraph. Short, snappy and very powerful.

I like how a girl the narrator of this piece didn't even know had such an impact on her. I'm intruiged to know just who the characters in this are.

You conveyed the characters determination so well, and using thoughts of her parents was a really good move too. I know if I were to do anything for anyone it would be for my mother, so I can really understand that. You really made this feel like a war was going on too, with "She was gone, and I didn't even know her name." both because of the death and the unknown person, and also because the character CARES about her and tries to help, purely because they're both on the same side.

Well, I'm saying she, but I really have no idea if the narrator of this piece is female or not, so I would've liked it if you elaborated on that a little more, but it's not too much of a problem.

8/10
Lorren.

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Review #50, by Jazzeh TurnipThe Proposal: Epilogue: What Happens in the Kitchen...

22nd August 2010:
Oh my goodness! I don't get to find out what happens unless I read something else of yours? Oh, what a shame ^.^ Haha. Looks like I'll just have to go do that, eh?

I dislike Ron shouting "Woman!" all the time. I usually find the whole "get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich" thing hilarious, but I just don't like him doing it. As the chapter got on though, he started to fall back into good ol' Ron.

You still have all the funny in here. That ending made me crack up. Ron/Hermione isn't my favourite pairing and I find the thought of them together a little weird, but I really like here how you've just made it light hearted and funny.

I liked the quote. It made me smile. And how Ron proposed was just so adorable. I like how it was finally him with more courage than Harry to just go ahead and do something. Usually it was Harry trying to convince Ron to do things.

9/10 again :) and whilst I'm slightly annoyed that I have to go read something else to find out what happened, I really like how you finished this off but with it still leading onto something else. I don't feel like I've just been left hanging with unanswered questions.

Lorren.

Author's Response: Sorry, Lorren, but you've just been reading a three chapter advertisement for my Novel Children's Crusade. I'm just no darned good, ask around, everyone will tell you that. LOL!

Ron always had a little chauvanistic streak in him; rest assured Hermione has been steadily beating it out of him since DH. However, when she henpecks him like this, his worse inclinations come to the surface.

The idea of them arguing thru his attempt to propose just struck me as great grist for a laugh. though I don't like Ron being the butt of every joke, I do find it particularly funny (and endearing) when R/Hr get into one of their rows. I'm really glad you liked that here.

As to Ron talking Harry into it, that's a theme that begins in Battle of the Pitch (novella), and is the focus of Best Laid Plans (one shot). Essentially, it all comes down to Harry being his typical noble self. Thank god Ron came to the rescue.

Thanks for leaving these wonderful reviews!

Eldy

P.S. Good luck in the house cup (but not TOO much luck. LOL)


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