This story is so cute! It has quite a refreshing point of view. I have never read a story like this on this site before! Although both Sally and Grayson seem pretty infallible right now, I'm sure as the plot thickens, we'll learn more about their characters. I can't wait for the next chapter and I've saved it to my favorites! :)Author's Response: Well, thank you! I'm quite flattered by your review, and I'm happy you enjoy it. Report Review
I really like this story so far! It's proving to be quite an interesting read. You really set up the characters well, I think. Evie's character is so lovely and open, and I love how Noah is secretly a softie on the inside. :) Reading their interview was entertaining, too - I love their interactions! And I also really appreciate how your story is focusing mainly on the Quidditch aspect thus far and not so much the feelings/spark or whatever between Evie and Noah. I don't even know if you are even shipping them in the end LOL. I hope you do, though! But right now, it feels relaxing to read your story because I am content with just learning about the two of them. I also liked how Evie interacted with the other members of the team like Peakes and Coote. They were the beaters on Harry's Gryffindor Quidditch team in 6th year, if I remember correctly. I think it's cool how you incorporated them in your story.
I hope you post the next chapter soon because I can't wait to read it! Keep writing! :)Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, and it makes me happy to hear you like all the characters!! I was nervous people would get lost in all of them and that there was too much description and not enough action, so you don't know how glad I am to get your review! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me such a nice note, and the next chapter will hopefully be posted soon! Report Review
oh my god oh my god oh my god!
that was like a knife to my heart! tears came to my eyes as i read this D: GET BACK TOGETHER, JAMES AND LILY. BE ALL CUTESY AND FLUFFY SO I CAN GIGGLE HAPPILY AT YOU BUT NOT THIS jfeklwajdslkz
you wrote these scenes so well - i could really picture them occurring in my mind. i definitely cannot wait to read the sequel, Stuck!!! AH. that "the end" - the finality, the heart wrenching moment of it all - yet, so perfect. it fits so well. but ah. I MISS THEM TOGETHER. ALREADY.
I have faithfully kept up with this story and I have really, truly enjoyed it. You write incredibly well and I will go off and read more of anything that you've posted on the archives now. :D Thank you for writing such a moving story!Author's Response: oh my god oh my god oh my god- you're review just made me smile :) haha
I'm so glad I illicited the exact emotion from you that I was aiming for! I mean, no one likes heartbreak, but it's good to know I did it right according to you :D
I'm raelly glad you liked it! and trust me, I miss James/Lily already, too. hopefully that will change in the future ;)
I'm so glad you were so faithful to this story, and I really really REALLY appreciate your feedback! so thank YOU for such an amazing review.
hopefully the sequel will be up ASAP :)
~EnnaBellaPotter Report Review
everything is the same, yet everything is different. Hugo has figured out who he is. They're all having tea together. It's absolutely lovely.
Now I just want to say, really now that we've come to the end, how great of a story this is...there are so many plot twists and intricacies and little complexies...i could never DREAM of thinking up something so genius as this. I couldn't think of a story on the site more deserving of the Dobby for Best Novel. the fact that you did this and created such a wonderful story like this is so incredibly commendable. and if you could make a fanfic as awesome as this, i'm tingling with anticipation at the thought of you writing genius ORIGINAL fic. yeesh, loly. ♥ ♥
and i apologize in the most heartfelt way for not really supporting this story while it was in progress; i was too occupied with other things, evidently, but your novel deserves all the fangirling i can give. eek. ♥
so in short...
i love this.
and i love you!!! ♥
(your TGS secret santa ;])
p.s. now i have to go check out the sequel ^_^Author's Response: TEA. TEA IS THE BE ALL AND END ALL OF BROMACE OFC.
I can only accept your praise with humility. I can't honestly say it didn't all come out of a dream state. BUT YOU'RE TOO MUCH (h)
The originality--I don't want to come off very hipster or whatever since you know what a nerd I am and all but I just tend to be different than a lot of people; in that I never have wanted to write a romance novel, etc, I am weird and have strange interests. To me this was also about living vicariously through HUgo. You could say I separated myself into three parts and wrote this story as a way of finding out about myself, too. It wouldn't be amiss.
OMG WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU HAVE BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE. Leaving reviews is not the only way of giving support to a writer; you dealt with my craziness, were friendly and puffin-y, and all manner of other awesomeness. I appreciate your fangirling SUPERLY.
In short: I LOVE YOUUU (h)
the sequel is waiting for you whenever you wish to visit more crack!non-crack :P Report Review
OMG YES PARALLEL. /PARALLEL/
A CIRCLE. YES. OMG I AM SO GLAD YOU WRAPPED IT UP SO NICELY. AH. SECRET KEEPER. WHAT A GREAT IDEA. IN THE NAME OF T. HARDY, LOLY, WHY ARE YOU SO CREATIVE?! AH. IT IS PERFECT. SO PERFECT. JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF PERFECT. NOT TOO PERFECT.
and LOL SLYTHERIN FANGIRLS. RETREATING TO THEIR SNOBBISH QUIETUDE. SLYTHERIN FANGIRLS LIFTING GRYFFINDOR CHASERS ON THEIR SHOULDERS. HAHAH. what a picture. what a mental picture. i can barely imagine it happening.
flitwick and his speeches. licorice wands. neville. scorpius. hugo.
my thoughts are all a mess. i can't really form coherent sentences at this point, but i hope you can tell from my rambling that THIS IS PROBABLY MY MOST FAVORITE CHAPTER OF THE STORY. actually i'm not sure. i'd have to go back and check the others but by JGL in a SUIT . life should always be a circle. i like my presents wrapped up nicely.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
--jordanAuthor's Response: HUGO IS A SECRET KEEPER HUGO IS A SECRET KEEPER! -prance- This is the ending I wanted but it's also a lot more alive than I imagined it. I felt very moved writing it because I love my characters and I love how the story turned out!
To me the Slytherin/Gryffindor dynamic that appears here is the absolute impossible, more so than all the other stuff in this story. Only unicorns can make this possible.
Yes. I know that life doesn't always make as much sense. In fact, it hardly ever does unless you make it that way. For this story it just /worked,/ you know? I also have great fondness for this chapter :)
(H) (H) (H) Report Review
AH TOO CUTE! HUGO/MARGIE YAY. ok i can't help but ship it now :P that was nice of Rose to help out her brother like that :)
and LOL BABY UNICORNS. they sound so absolutely adorable and fluffy. i want to pet one now. :P flitwick ♥ that little man...he's got flair, eh? "Miss Barrows refused to believe that Mr Weasley would not have bragged to her about the opportunity." HAHA. SO RIGHT. but Hugo has learned to find himself now, right? hmm, I wonder what could possibly be in store for the next two chapters. :D
the little things..there are so many i couldn't possibly mention them all in this review. but all of these subtle details are what just make this story so great. i can definitely see why this got a dobby for best novel and everything, and i regret not reading it sooner! but at least i'm on my way now ♥
loved this chapter! and i can't wait to see what happens next :)
--jordanAuthor's Response: Ahah! Rose is nice sometimes :D
Unicorns, I believe, would be the perfect pets. And Miss Barrows understands Hugo quite well :P Hugo...I don't know if it's that simple. He's more comfortable in his own skin, I think.
I've said it a lot but this story, I was literally watching it unfold, and I don't know how some details made it in, and some didn't, but I do sort of love what made it in ;) Thank you so much!! I am still surprised every time I think about the fact that this story got an award like that.
MERRY LATE CHRISTMAS (H) Report Review
WHAAAT OH MY GOD
SHE STABBED HIM? THAT BLASTED WOOD NYMPH STABBED SCORPIUS?! IS HE DEAD? IF HE'S DEAD...OH MY GOSH x_x
that box thing is really clever! and honestly i don't understand Pythia right now. is she doubtful or not? and why did she plant those doubts in scorpius's mind? whaat.
windmill arms. ♥
and that is all for now.
--jordanAuthor's Response: ;(
CENTAURS ARE MYSTERIOUS :D
She wants Scorpius to be sure I think. I don't quite remember if I had a very good idea of /her/ motivations other than, although she loves Hugo, she's willing to save the world and sacrifice him if she must.
WINDMILL ARMS BACK (h) Report Review
OH NOOO WHY ARE YOU PLANTING DOUBTS IN MY MIND ABOUT HUGO'S INTENTIONS WHEN YOU JUST PULLED OUT THE "OH LOOK THE TITLE HAS MADE AN APPEARANCE THIS IS IMPORTANT" CARD?!?!?!?
:( I seriously doubt that Hugo is a power hungry, greedy, little scheming boy but . it could happen. you've given me enough surprises :P
when Scorpius said the words "it's called adventure" i actually cheered out loud LOL. HUGO HAS BEEN INTROSPECTIVE. HUGO HAS FIGURED OUT WHAT HE WANTS. AND THERE IS NO TRACE OF DROOL :D
THE BROMANCE ♥ ♥ I hope everything goes PRETTY well from here. I mean, I'm already two-thirds of the way to the end. *crosses fingers*
you know, there might not be any explosions or anything, but this is one of the more exciting fanfics i've read in a long time. so props to you, m'dear.
--jordanAuthor's Response: HAHAH cause I'm a little bit evil? I don't really know.
I MEAN I DO KNOW. Because Scorp is more responsible and it's finally sinking in, what the implications of this are, and that he's only just really gotten close to Hugo. He knows that Hugo in part fabricates how other people perceive him. There's something very creepy about that.
OH GURL. now you know what you were in for, but I still have belated feels for you (h) Report Review
AND IT FINALLY IS SAID STRAIGHT OUT. WHY THE BROMANCE EXISTS.
I definitely did not see the connection really, between Scorpius and Hugo. But now that I think about it more, it makes loads of sense. Being a child of the Golden Trio, he should be one of the coolest kids in school, but instead, Scorpius, child of the bad, bad Malfoys, is.
I SEE IT NOW.
OH, CENTAURS! Loly, you just have loads of stuff up your sleeves. always full of surprises. i guess my theory about Hugo suddenly becoming manlier wasn't exactly accurate, eh? oh well. maybe next time ;)
I'm so glad that Hugo has figured out that he's trying to find this fruit for himself...and no longer for Margie. Especially since at the end he says "Because when we're done, I can still tell Mum and Dad that I found it." *shining eyes* i mean, it would be nice if they actually ended up together, but...as Neville said, out of the league. BUT I SUPPOSE I SHIP IT NOW. :P
this chapter was so so lovely. and the entire story so far has been written in such an excellent way. girl, you got a gift, mmk.
♥ ♥ ♥
--jordanAuthor's Response: I basically wrote that part of the chapter because even though I knew why, I realized, sometimes things just have to crystallize.
Well I really loved your theory if that counts for anything :P Hugo shall eventually be a man with actual muscle. Alas for now...
I'm not really a ship writer. You know this now since you finished this, but it's just not part of the plan for me. Marjie doesn't reciprocate the seedlings of Hugo's romantic lurve, so it wouldn't work out well. And Neville-wisdom is sort of irrefutable obvs.
THANKS SO MUCHHH. This literally came out of nowhere. I mean I remember working on it, taking notes, having all these ideas of who was thinking what about who and at what point perceptions changed...but. Still. It's a blur. Report Review
WHO IS THIS NEWCOMER
IS IT HUGO? WHO HAS MIRACULOUSLY BECOME A MAN? WITH SCRUFF? :D
I KNEW IT. I KNEW THEY WERE GOING TO TRY TO EAT THEM. HMPH. and i bet the queen told them the right directions anyways because they thought that they were going to eat them anyway, so what did it matter? I KNEW IT.
SO THEY SHALL HOPEFULLY FIND THE QUIDROPOPOT, YES? i always have to double check that spelling, haha. wow, already halfway through the story...and so much has happened. GO SCORPIUS FOR GETTING SOME VENOM FROM AN ACROMANTULA. that's how it's done, obvs. and many cheers for Neville's quick thinking. I like how you linked his assertion now to how he lead everyone back in the war days and stuff.
OK I AM JUST DYING TO KNOW WHO THE NEWCOMER IS.
more comments in the next review, mmk. ♥
--jordanAuthor's Response: OMG THAT'S THE BEST INTERPRETATION OF THIS SCENE EVER. -puts it down in the proverbial books-
In a way it's kind of a reflective move. Like, they're evolved enough not to need to eat humans, but then again they're animals and humans are a good source of protein and all that. TRUTH. You have discerned the queen's plans :D
The Quidropopot basically was keyboard smash on my part haha. When I look back at this, I don't even understand how I put in so many details and it all made sense. Well, most of it. I mean, Scorpius getting the fang was obviously integral to how the story ended, so that was completely on purpose, but other things came together strangely.
TO me, I mean, I imagine...that if you've gone through something like Neville has, having to face your collective worst fears at the most impressionable time in your life, it never leaves you. It becomes a part of you, like an extra heart, lung--he's going to think of it in situations that remind him of it because he can't ever not think about it in those situations, if that makes sense at all.
WOOOT~ Report Review
LOL. "ALL HE WANTED WAS TO BE MANLY, HOW MUCH LONGER WAS HE GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT?"
OH HUGO. ♥
dang, ACROMANTULAS. i had no idea they would appear in this story! what a twist. i wonder...is the acromantula going to actually lead them to the fruit or are they going to feast on them? i would totally not be surprised if this was just a lure, a trap. and a QUEEN acromantula? interesting, very interesting. i remember in canon Aragog was the basic head of the acromantulas, right? something like that. :)
HEHE SCORPIUS HAS AN EARRING. y is he so cool.
so basically there's a tropical island in the forest...and they're going to find the quidropopot now. i can't believe it's already been 3 days! aren't the people at hogwarts concerned about any of their whereabouts? lol.
this is officially going on my favorites now. :P
--jordanAuthor's Response: ALL THE QUESTIONS lol. I think Aragog was the head of them because they all didn't eat people cause he asked him not to. I don't really know, though. I just kind of assumed and went with the queen idea ;)
Scorpius mostly has an earring because the model I use for him has one. But also because I could use it as a sign of ~teenage angst~ etc.
The people at Hogwarts are pretty oblivious and they also believe Flitwick when he says nothing's wrong even though that's probably not a very safe assumption for anyone to make as it's HOGWARTS and three people have gone missing...
I'm so grateful for your reviews! :D Thanks so much (h) Report Review
SO MUCH BROMANCE. SO. MUCH. BROMANCE!
AHHH HHH HHH HHH. i have to put spaces in between or else it won't show up on the review :P
but anyways, THE BROMANCE! I LOVE IT ALL SO MUCH. SO, SO MUCH. AND THE DROOL FINALLY CAME UP AHAHA. also, i'm glad that you finally developed a bit more about Scorpius's character. Before, he was kind of just there, tagging along, but now I finally know more about his background and stuff. It wasn't that well defined before, but maybe you did that on purpose? I dunno :P
the hinkypunk in the balloon thing as a lamp was so incredibly cool. and clever! plus, I could totally picture Hugo as part of the gypsy-centaur gang. partying with the centaurs...all day everyday. ;)
HUGO AND SCORPIUS ARE OFFICIALLY FRIENDS. gonna jump up and down with glee now.
♥ ♥ i lurve this, loly, and i lurve you, too.
--jordanAuthor's Response: Look at you outsmarting the archives :P BUT YES. The bromance continues.
It's funny, because I consider myself very much a feminist, that I like to write about how boys are constrained by society. Hm. I don't know if it's weird since feminism is only about whole and complete equality. But you'd think something in my would be like YOU'RE A WOMAN LILY LET YOUR WOMAN FLAG FLY AND WRITE ABOUT WOMENNN!!! But maybe because I'm so, so close to that, it's easier for me to write it through someone else, who happens to be male.
I have this thing about giving up information on a character. Despite what people told me, I knew there was a reason for withholding Scorpius's story; you have to be smart about these things, not just pander to an audience's curiosity. All this to say, there was a reason I waited to give Scorpius's history up. I waited until I found it appropriate with regards to the story as a whole, not just Scorp as a character. After all, this was very close to them mentally, he's not going to think of his whole history at random moments. So. THere you are :P
I am actually a bit sad that I didn't have Hugo tote along the Hinkypunk lamp :( It was the first real marker of his ingenuity! But I just totally forgot about it haha.
Ahhh thank you so much! I LOVE YOU JORDON (H) (H) Report Review
OH MY GOSH ♥ ♥
FINALLY THE BROS COME TOGETHER. efjwklafjlsda.
HUGO IS SMART BUT HE FAILS ALL HIS CLASSES ON PURPOSE. WHY. :( I knew it -- well, I didn't know it, but figuring he is Hermione's son he's got to have loads of her brains and natural talent in him. :D But he is FINDING HIMSELF! COMING OF AGE, IN A SENSE! I love these types of stories.
SO MY PREMONITIONS WERE RIGHT? Neville sees some of himself in Hugo? Because he says "he wasn't sure he'd felt it for a very long time." That is so awesome. And then when Scorpius says, "What, you fail them on purpose?" about the classes...MY HEART WENT OUT TO THEM BOTH. BIG BROTHER SCORPIUS. AW. Plus, Flitwick is so laid-back, I love it.
I love it all..so I cannot help but continue! ek :)
--jordanAuthor's Response: YES IT'S A COMMUNING OF THE BROS. They're like their own little stupid fraternity and their version of partying is running through the Forbidden Forest at night when all the creatures come out to sharpen their teeth on metal tree bark etc. Because there are metal trees in this Forest, yah.
Yeah. Basically any offspring is going to be capable of smartness. In a way Hugo is really mysterious and disjointed. Like, he shouldn't be smart enough to be able to know he's smart but he just doesn't try because he doesn't want to be his parent's kid only, though they're dear to him...and drool. But, hey, THIS IS A STORY and whatever, he is definitely coming of age :P
YEP YEP. You are basically a seer! Neville basically uses (for lack of a better word) Hugo's experience to come to terms with his childhood, too. Scorpius really rises to the challenge of a friendship with Hugo rather nicely, considering at first he kind of looked at him a bit condescendingly.
HEE THANK YOUUU (heart heart) Report Review
AW. HUGO WANTS TO IMPRESS MARJIE. TOO CUTE.
Honestly, not quite sure I ship it yet. As you've made it quite evident, Marjie is so far out of Hugo's league after all...but they're just so cute together. However, it seems more like a brother/sister relationship at this point, at least from Marjie's standpoint.
HUGATRON. hahahaa. i love it. and the suit! he is so incredibly endearing ajflkdjsl. i hardly know what to do. i am flailing my arms around in support for him. and SCORPIUS FINALLY MADE AN APPEARANCE. i was definitely waiting with bated breath for that ;) you made such smooth changes of POV there btw, from Hugo to Neville and back to Hugo, and then to Scorpius to Neville. that was very, very admirable indeed.
also, just wondering, but why does Hugo always drool? at 15, you'd think that he'd be over that by now hahah. I guess it just adds more to the appearance, though.
i have a feeling that Hugo's going to ask Neville to help him find the Quidropropots in the forest, yes? :D yayyy the adventure shall begin soon, then!
totally enjoying this right now ♥
--jordanAuthor's Response: D:
That is for how long it's taken me to respond ugh. ALAS REAL LIFE AND MY INABILITY TO FIGURE OUT METHODS OF ORDER OF RESPONDING ;A;
But now, I have to thank you again for leaving me AAALLL these reviews! I seriously loved them so much, they were one of my best Christmas presents this year :)
You're totally right about Marjie. She sees Hugo as more of a little brother or a very, er, I don't know, special friend. (I used to have little dress-wearing bears who would say "I'm your guardian angel, I'm your special friend!" whenever you squeezed them and I can't help but think about that when I say special friend heh.)
I think I was more fond of HUgo than I even realized writing this. I haven't read back on these chapters since I swept through and mass edited a while ago, but I can tell from reviews that he didn't get likable on accident hehhh.
I don't know why, now, I initially made the POV changes. I think it was because the story just needed them, and I listened, but thank you v. much :P
Hugo drools because this is a story that I sort of did whatever with. It's one of those things that was easy to write, was funny and weird and like EW STOP but also...I liked him for it. It was kind of for appearances but it's also a really severe not knowing what's going on with your body to not realize you're drooling. Fifteen is rather old but I say Hugo's stunted a couple years at this point anyway ;)
You're very perceptive haha. Anyway thanks for these reviews (h) Report Review
LILY. I AM FINALLY HERE.
So of course, I have heard a HUGE amount about this story, but...and this is embarrassing for me to say, but I have NEVER gotten around to reading it until now. *hides* But I couldn't have expected any less! It's fabulous already, and it's only the prologue.
I loved how Hugo was kind of like a second Neville in a way...at least JKR often portrays Neville as the gormless type of boy, the one with the "gooberish" air about him, as you so nicely put it. also, YAY for grown-up Neville!! :D I ADORE NEVILLE. but LOL "can you use it as a quaffle?" oh dear, I already have a sense of foreboding here. xD
Your description is wonderful and jealousy is positively oozing from my pores at your way with words. ._. I can totally picture Hugo in my mind now because you've described him so well. :P
so onward i shall go!! i'm so glad this is a completed work so i don't have to hop around waiting for chapters now ^_^
--jordanAuthor's Response: OKAY JORDAN IT IS NOT EVEN FAIR THAT IT HAS TAKEN ME THIS LONG TO LEAVE RESPONSES FOR YOUR AMAZING REVIEWS.
When you were leaving them at first I was like...HOLY CHEESE this girl is a fast reader! Then someone pointed out to me you'd probably stored these up over a period of time and I felt dumb but also so glad that you seemed to have enjoyed this little adventure of mine.
You know honestly I think this story gets a lot more spoken about than it deserves--it feels like I spent eight months doing keyboard smash and everyone has been like OOOHHH LOOK AT THE MASTERY OF THE COMBINATION OF VOWELS AND CONSONANTS~ and I have been over here like no, you don't understand, I have not done this for that purpose.
Of course I do appreciate all the attention and fangirling and promos and stuff. I guess I just don't really believe it, still :P
You've basically got this down pat--Neville was super awks in his childhood and now he's seeing this in another kid and even though he doesn't realize it he knows just how that feels.
Also, thank you, haha I had these really clear images of the characters in my head so in a way I felt like I was just keeping track of something I was witnessing. Which is sane-person behavior, obvs.
â¥â¥â¥ much love, and so sorry again it's been forever since you left these reviews!
-lily Report Review
HA YESSS. SCORPBEAUS SHOT DOWN. ANJUBBIUS FOR THE WIN! HOPEFULLY FOR ETERNITY :D /anything's possible, but it's alright if it isn't. :P DON'T DISILLUSION ME IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, GINA. THE ON-OFF COUPLE IS FINALLY OFFICIAL EHEHEHE ♥ the two of them together are so hot, honestly.
okay, so i know technically i already left a review on this chapter, but after you ADDED IN THIS OTHER BIT *flails madly* I HAD TO COME BACK AND GIVE YOU MY FEEDBACK. i didn't even notice, sadly, until i decided to re-read it because i've missed reading capers for a while :P YOU SHOULD TELL PEOPLE THAT YOU PUT IN THIS NEXT PART, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE THEN YOU WOULD HAVE SCREAMING READERS AKIN TO THE QGA COMING AND UPPING YOUR READ COUNT.
anyways, BEA IS BEING UBER INDEPENDENT AND GROWN-UP! at least, i hope she is, because you always do that one-eighty thing and "not everything is at it seems" as you put in your little tidbit at the end. but i admire her determination to pull all-nighters like that. she is super cute, i agree with Rose. also, i would like to learn this advanced tongue yoga!
this was super entertaining. i find that all of those little details you put in like "swath of jam warpaint" and "looking like she had stumbled out of a lobotomy" and "dented stack of waffles" just induce large amounts of chuckling and wonder at your brilliance.
also, i don't remember Verona being mentioned before o.O i assume she's a roommate of Bea's? will she important later in the story??
HILARIOUS AS ALWAYS, LOFF. ♥
i eagerly and greedily await your posting of the next chapter.
--jordan ♥Author's Response: OH JORDAN. Well, you'll get to hear more about it, for sure 8D Big ol' chunk of Scorpius/Anj, but whether it's happy or not -cough-
I AM GOING TO SAY SO WHEN I POST CHAPTER 12 which will hopefully be tomorrow or something of that sort.
Oh oh oh, don't worry she is. It's been a long time coming. You know me and my ~coming of age~. She can't survive off funtimes and sweets forever. Then she gets something called diabetes.
SILLY JORDAN. DO YOU NOT REMEMBER VERONA WOOD, VE-RONA WOOD? 8D
♥ OH YOU SILLY GOOSE YOU. Report Review
I've heard lots about this story, and well, especially because it just won a Dobby, I had to check it out! :D Plus you won Pin the Tail on the Dragon. Y u so cool, Jane.
Anyways, OMG THIS WAS SO CUTE. UBER CUTE, EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS A SPIDER (SPIDERS AREN'T CUTE, BUT FOR SOME REASON TEDDY-MORPHS-INTO-SPIDERS ARE). FULL TO THE BRIM WITH LOVELY CUTENESS AND VERY, VERY JKR-LIKE. I see why this won Best Canon, m'dear. You could pop this into a Harry Potter prequel and I would believe it to be da real truth.
As I read this one-shot, my mental picture of Ron was SO ADORABLE. EEEK. The scenes you described in this was really so warm and loving and Weasley-esque. I could FEEL the family atmosphere emanating into my soul 8D
AND THIS WAS SO REAL, SO VERY REAL. The relationship between Ron and his brothers. "Ron tried to keep up, but as always, the good chairs were taken before he arrived there." I feel like that sums up his place in the Weasley family very well. The fact that he's already decided to not make a huge deal out of it at such a young age...gah, my heart goes out to him. ♥
Erm, if you couldn't tell already, I loved this very much and I can't wait to continue. This is also going on my favorites. :D Onward to the next chapter!
--jordanAuthor's Response: JORDAN Y U SO AWEZOME. Like seriously, it's raging. Raging with awezome. So much so that it needs to be spelled with a 'z' just to express it. LIKE WOAH.
Your comments made me squeal just a bit and perhaps do a self-congratulating dance, because my ego's been puffed up several notches after reading this. I CANNOT HELP IT. You are just so lovely.
My brain is mush. Simply melted. I cannot even... Thank you so much, Jordan. Really. :3 ♥ ♥ Report Review
:O THIS WAS AWESOME fjdlszj
I love how there was a rhythm to this. I was tempted to read it aloud because I knew that with the right pauses this story would sound epic. But anyways :P You should get this podcasted somehow. for sure!
The way you structured this was really cool. I like how it the sentences were concise. You didn't beat around the bush, you got right to the point, and I LOVE THAT. Even if you were concise, you still conveyed so much through this story.
Your repeated references to the crown made lovely little mental pictures appear in my head as I read the story. Kind of like a comic, I guess, though that really has nothing to do with the tone of the story! :P It really made the story relatable for me - goodness knows I used to take those flimsy, paper Burger King crowns and wear them lopsidedly on my head xD
The overall concept of the story was truly brilliant. The continuous comparisons of Sirius, then Regulus, really set up the whole picture very well.
Excellent job! I don't usually read stories about the Black family, to be honest, but when I saw TenthWeasleyWriter write such good comments about it in the BvB thread, I knew I had to read it! :D
10/10, of course. :)
--jordanAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review! ♥
I love reading things out loud. xP I actually tend to read my own out loud before sending it in - it's a good way to catch silly mistakes! I think I'm one of those rare people that actually enjoy public speaking.
Being concise is something I struggle with generally so I'm glad to hear that! ^-^
Oh man I always wore those paper crowns too! They always were lopsided... I'm sure I looked quite stylish anyways though. ;)
I'm so glad you decided to give it a try. It means a lot! :) Report Review
This was a lovely piece of work! :D I love how you've portrayed Victoire as the shyer, quieter one of the two sisters. Usually, Victoire is the loud, outgoing one, while Dom is "pushed aside" into the background. You don't see many characterizations of Victoire like this, so I'm glad to see your unique take on it!
I like how you make sure to point out the contrast between the behavior of Victoire and her family. I find that the differences are really intriguing. You could definitely develop this a little more if you wanted to, just to explore the background of Teddy's and Victoire's story. I would love to read that story if you did decide to write it! :D
Super cute, *sigh* I love Teddy/Victoire ♥Author's Response: Thank you so much, Jordan! :D
I love this portrayal of Victoire too, it's actually what inspired me to write this. After reading the same generic Vic over and over again, it can get boring, so I thought I'd spice it up.
I haven't actually thought of writing a prequel/sequel to this, but after NaNo, I might.
I love them too Report Review
Wow. Even though it was 500 words, that was a really powerful piece. :O
JANECHEL, I AM HERE AGAIN DUE TO YOUR EPIC CORVARIUM STALKING POWERS. ♥ Anyways, I love the way you craft stories. You have great description that I envy from the deepest corners of my heart. D: I hope you're up to sharing some with me! 8D
You don't name any characters in this story, but from the first few bits of the one-shot my mind immediately flew to Harry and Ginny. I think it was this bit that officially sold me: "why would he choose you, out of hundreds? But you were his target from the first moment he saw you, it seems."
However, once you mentioned the ages, my mind casted around for a possible name and face...but this one-shot could've really happened to anyone during the final battle. It's like you had the final battle on tape in front of you, you randomly paused it at this one point and saw the scene unfolding in front of you. It all seems so very real.
For example, the fear you've put into the narrator's description of the scene is great and terrible at the same time. Great in terms of writing, of course, since yours is practically impeccable, and terrible in terms of how it made me feel! I sympathize a lot with characters in general. :P But I felt so conflicted as I read the second half of the story. The fact that you can invoke such emotion in your readers is a mark of a good writer :)
Excellent job on this, love. It really ought to have more reviews like your other stuff has :) Even if it's short, you've fit the perfect amount of substance into 500 words, and it's not even fluff, it's deep stuff. It's such a sensitive topic this one-shot had to be rated mature. ;) I had a few favorite lines in here, but I don't think they're 12+ so I won't put them in the review heh xD
This was brill, if you couldn't tell from my ramblings already.
jordan ♥Author's Response: JORDANNN. -flail-
The characters in this story are OCs -- OC Ravenclaws, actually. I'm not sure where they came from or what I'll do with them, but they're stuck in my mind. :3
You know what's funny? This one-shot came about because I'd seen one of the trailers for DH Pt. 2, one of the battle scenes, and it was replaying itself in my head. :D YOU'RE SUCH A GENIUS, JORDAN. ♥
Thank you heaps and bounds for such a lovely review, dear. -hugs- It totally made my day! Report Review
FINALLY I GET AROUND TO READING PSYCHO!HARRY :D
Vell hello, Janechel. This vas pretty awesome. I honestly don't know why I'm writing in a Viktor Krum type accent, but hey.
I mean, I guess that's slightly weird of me to say after I just read about a psychologically messed up Harry, but it was extremely well written! It can't not be awesome! I did not expect any less from you, of course. ♥ I absolutely love some of the sentences you write; for example: "He collapsed onto the floor and the wand slipped from his fingers, rolling away and meeting with shadow." OOH, MEETING WITH SHADOW. I LIKE! Your manipulation of the English language is quite creative! /and there goes my poor attempt at sounding sophisticated and grown up. It just won't happen. :P
I think it's a very logical idea that Harry would go crazy after defeating Voldemort. Having those memories of the awful experiences in OoTP at the Ministry, the final battle, etc., are bound to scar a person (hardy har har!). Honestly, I was a bit confused at the end. You say Harry was Voldemort and Voldemort was Harry, and then you say it was only ever Harry. Are you saying that it was just that Harry was crazy? Or are you saying that piece of Voldemort that was bound to Harry never died, hence he kept messing up with Harry's mind? OR ARE YOU SAYING BOTH? oh, the intrigue of it all.
I really enjoyed reading this, Janechel! I liked how your tone throughout was more like one of an observer and not as emotionally connected to Harry as it might be. It gives a sense of detachment from the character that lets the reader imagine more things & construe more possibilities as they read, which is really fun and amusing to do xD
So to wrap this up.
this was such a horrible story.
jordan ♥Author's Response: Viktor Krum's pretty awesome. I'm surprised people don't type in his accent more often. VELL HELLO, JORDAN.
That entire last chunk of the story was written stream-of-consciousness and I have not touched it since. I am glad you were confused. :D (Is that strange? OH WELL.) Basically, it goes as so --
Harry is only seeing himself in the mirror, Voldemort is obviously not there. He's been defeated. But his mind twists his own image and he sees Voldemort as himself, because he's going mad, you know. His mind's somehow got it that Voldemort is still inside him. It's like he's jumped a few years back in his mind. Then, for a split second, when he casts at the mirror and it cracks -- right before it shatters -- his mind is cleared for the very briefest of moments. And he sees himself, as he would have seen all along has he not been insane. Then the madness consumes him again as the mirror shatters, and the pieces kill him.
Wow. That sounds a bit dark.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SUCH A LOVELY REVIEW, JORDAN. ♥ I am very glad you enjoyed psycho!Harry!
As much as I love Jane + girl time and Dodger Roger, I MISS OLIVER. You've prolonged this confrontation for more than enough now ^___^ However, that little bit with Angelina pregnant had me scared haha
I absolutely cannot wait for the next chapter. :) Thanks for being such a wonderful writer!Author's Response: I miss Oliver too. Don't worry, the whole next chapter will be Jane and Oliver time. You sweat for a couple chapters and then you get it all released in one chap, haha :) Thank you so much! I really appreciate the review :) Report Review
baw sarah this has got to be one of my most favorite stories on the sure ♥ not many people do fred/oc, and because I particularly enjoy your writing style, it makes the entire situation even better. :) I want fred and hollis to interact in person so badly right now hehehe. The thing with the quill was hilarious! Even though hollis is a puff she's still got some spirit which I appreciate very much. update soon!
--jordanAuthor's Response: ♥ JORDAN ♥
This review made me melt a little bit inside. I'm so thrilled that you like Frollis. Heee, Puff love. I love Hufflepuffs, I think they're such fun. They're on the mellower side, but I like to think that Hollis packs enough punch to keep Fred interested.
Thank you for reading and reviewing, lovely. Report Review
Never read any of your stuff before, so when I saw you posted in the review battle I thought I'd jump at my chance. And HOLY MUFFINS, GIRL. The description was lovely! One of my favorite lines in this story (there are many) is "of an English summer spent in sun flooded cottages.." sun flooded. that is love ♥
THE METAPHORS - the sand and the sea, "live in the innermost corners of her smile." the similes - "the scar, pink and jagged, risen from her skin like the Braille of warfare," ahhh. You have such a good way with words! SO CREATIVE.
If you couldn't tell already, I really enjoyed this xD MAYHAP I SHALL READ MORE OF YOUR STUFF LATER~ you write in such a nice, warmth-from-the-fire way. obviously my analogies are not half so creative and wonderful as yours :P I SHALL STRIVE TO BE LIKE YOU IN THE FUTURE.
--jordan ♥Author's Response: E hi Jordan!
I don't think I've read any of your stuff either. Putting it on my mental, to-read list and stashing it away for another day.
Adjkhjfg you're flattering me too much! I am speechless. I am really not that creative, but I am happy I am warmth-from-the-fire rather than soot-from-the-fireplace.
Nonsense, I shall strive to be like you, Ms. QTR Editor! Teehee.
Thanks for the lovely review, Jordan ♥ Report Review
OMGAH HATTIE THIS WAS CHILLING.
you are creeping me out with this murder scene.
but of course, it was fabulous. it could not be anything else! so much description - i could practically see it happening in front of my eyes.
being the wimp that i am, i immediately covered them and peeked every few seconds. :P
i will definitely not be able to sleep now ! DOM MURDERED SOMEONE ajflskjzkjasdoizj!
*hides under the covers*Author's Response: OMGAH JORDAN I WUB YOU! YOU'RE MY 200TH REVIEW! AND YES, IT WAS PRETTEH CHILLING.
I love writing the murder scenes. You now my infatuation with body counts and the rain, but it is pretty fun to write them. I can get all crazy and that. And Dom gets all cray cray and everything and weirdly seductive and murderous and it's good fun.
Aaw, Jordan! You so cute.
Thanks again for your lovely review and for being my 200th review! Fave fave fave! ♥ Report Review
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