I really like this. I always think that most of the characters we know would have some form of PTSD, and I think it's realistic that Harry has the symptoms here with waking up and screaming/crying in the middle of the night. I also like that it's not disturbing to James or Lily - just a part of every day life. This is really sweet and meaningful! Thanks for entering the challenge! :)Author's Response: Personally, I find it hard to believe that after what they went though everything would be just peachy, which is where the idea came from. But I figured if they had grown up with it, there would be no reason for them to find it odd, kids don't normally notice things are off until they're older. But I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
I like the way this starts out with James obsessing over Lily and Malfoy. It seems very like something he would do. I also enjoy your characterization of the M'rauds. They are not my favorite usually, but that is because of bad characterization in most cases. Yours, however, is very refreshing. You even bothered to characterize Peter - kind of absent-minded almost?
I love the scene where Lucius is using his typical powers of intimidation on the Head Boy so that he can be partnered with Lily. It reminds me a bit of Lucius in one of the books (OOTP?). The whole Prefect meeting in general was interesting. I've wondered about what those were like, and yours was, well, a typical meeting with some drama thrown in. I liked that it was from Remus's perspective! Could he have been reading something about dark creatures? ahem?
Anyway, this story is great, and I look forward to the next chapter!!Author's Response: Ahh, the Marauders. I do love them so! But I agree that they are often not characterized well. And it's a huge pet peeve of mine when people skip over Peter as the oddball of the group. He was a person, too, even if he did end up being a traitor. (btw, you just helped me realize another Biblical reference in HP: Peter (Judas) betrays James, and then realizes what he's done and end up (however unwittingly) killing himself.../endrant)
I felt Lucius would be a rather intimidating person even as a teen, obviously something he carries on to adulthood. I rather liked that it didn't work. :P
And I honestly just created Amy so that the meeting could go quickly. >.<
I am so glad you noticed the book! It's very important, so you have a good eye.
The perspectives will change a lot throughout this story (Lily and Lucius aren't the only characters involved, after all!) and I have to say I loved writing from Remus's point of view. ^^ He's definitely one of my favorite characters.
Thank you for such a lovely lovely review!
Dem Report Review
This is yet another awesome idea - a way to incorporate a character (?) who we would never have expected! I love that you show the car's emotions! I originally thought that it would be a Centaur or Hagrid's brother... but the Ford Anglia! LOVE IT!!! Report Review
The characterization in this feels natural. I get a sense of Delilah and how she relates to Draco and Blaise. The situation that they've set up is very cruel, but I suppose it will be interesting. A Slytherin going for Longbottom! Anyway, I HOPE that it will end in her actually liking Neville despite herself? :P Anyway, this is an interesting start.Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I'm glad that the characterisation feels natural. I know; the situation is very cruel, but I thought it would be an interesting, semi-plausable way for a Slytherin to go after him. Ahh, you will just have to see what happens. :P Thanks again. :) Report Review
I think you do a good job of setting up Lily's status at the Prophet and the boredom that goes along with it, and it will be very interesting to see what on earth is going to happen with Scorpius and his son... Castor. Poor kid, with a name like that! :)Author's Response: I know, I can't imagine being named after a constellation with "Castor" as the name. :) Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate it. Report Review
This chapter captures the essence of a good girls' night out - all the major types of girls are there. I feel like this is one of my own gatherings with my friends. At any given point, I have been each one of these girls, and I think most women go through phases of each. I, personally, loved all the man-hating comments simply because I've been having to use them with a friend here pretty recently...
I love the way you are distinguishing each of the characters since they are relatively OCs anyway. Rose and Molly as the rational, level girls. Lucy as the big ol' mess. Lily as the sweet (sometimes too sweet?) one. And Gorgeous Nigel! I knew the minute Rose started talking to him that he was going to play a big role somehow!
This is a really fun - yet intelligent - story!!!Author's Response: Ha, I tried to encapsulate what I go through whenever my friends and I meet up. Of course, at first it's a game of catch up. But then, somehow, it always manages to turn into an I hate men session one way or the other. You're absolutely right. Every girl is one of these women at one point in their live and I am just extremely happy that I portrayed them well enough.
As for Lily, oh you just know she's bound for some rose-tinted-glasses shattering trouble :) Or not...
Thank you for this review! You always know how to make my day. Report Review
This story has just made me your newest fan girl! I love every single part of it to absolute death! I love that you have his kids already there expecting him in what can only be their new house constructed on Malfoy property after they tore down Malfoy Manor? That's the only logical thing anyone would do to that house, really. It's also sweet because it's like Rose understood how lonely Scorpius felt at that moment in time and sent one of her kids out there to meet him. Aw.. :)
I think that his reaction to meeting them is extremely realistic, wit the exact right of Malfoy sass and the proper dash of childish disbelief. I think you balance his acceptance and disbelief of what happens really well - not too much of one or the other. My favorite part of his interactions with them was when he comes to the conclusion he has lowered himself to marry a Weasley.
Everything flowed completely naturally between all the characters. I love the way you've described Rose in the future, somewhat Hermione-ish yet not. The characters of Leo and Lyra are just perfect to me, also.
I'm wondering where the forty-one year-old Scorpius is at the moment, and prospect that they aren't supposed to tell him much about his future. It makes me absolutely die to know more. Hopefully Leo will let enough slip!
Randomly, I also like the idea of there being a Time Travel Committee! Very progressive, I think.
Anyway, this is a great story I shall definitely be wanting to read more of.Author's Response: Aww thank you! Your reviews made me ridiculously happy, especially because I was only expecting one of them and instead I got three! You rock.
Yeah, it is a renovated Malfoy Manor (: And I'm hoping there'll be a lot of sweet moments between Rose and Scorpius without it turning into creepiness. My favorite part about writing this story is that it's not mainly romance. It's exciting :D
I really can't say thank you enough, but I'm going to keep saying it. Thank you! Your opinion really means a lot to me. Pretty much the best part of planning this story was coming up with the personalities of his children. It's quite fun, strangely enough.
So, yeah, thank you for your awesome reviews. You're really amazing and you've given me something to smile about all day.
This is so brilliant! I love this concept sooo much! I like your characterization of Scorpius and the world he lives in. The idea that James Potter is his enemy is neat to me. I think it could be realistic, no matter how nice and happy some people want to think all the next-gen Weasly-ites are. I also think it's realistic that Harry would be a total workaholic with no time for his family. I totally picture that as happening on some level.
The idea of the watch turning back (or as the summary indicates FORWARD) in time is brilliant! I love the desperation Scorpius feels as he decides he will go back and change everything that has made his life the horrible thing that it is. I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter! :)Author's Response: Thank you! I guess you can kind of see how messed up I like imagining the Weasley-ites (as you call them) really are. I didn't really want to write about that family being perfect, even though that's how most people seem to assume things are, so I'm glad you appreciated that :D
I did worry that the idea of the pocket watch was a little far-fetched, so it makes me happy that you liked it. I think if I were Scorpius, I would probably make the same stupid decision, which made it really fun to write. Thank you for your review! You're so sweet, JLHuff ;) Report Review
Wow! Your writing style makes this a great read! I love the realism of the feelings that you portray in Ginny. At first, it seems as if it's just typical cold feet like many people have experienced on getting married, but then it delves into something more, something a bit darker. We don't really know A LOT about Harry and Ginny's relationship, so for all we know this could be a canon piece. I think it's completely realistic for Ginny to think that her family would pick Harry over her, as well as everyone else. It's not like you can really break up with The Boy Who Lived and be considered a good person?? At the end, it's haunting to think that Ginny is doing her duty to her family in the end. I really enjoyed reading this, CherBer (I just made that strange nickname up)! :)Author's Response: Thank you! It doesn't really seem like too many people look at Ginny and Harry's relationship as anything other than perfect, so I thought this might be interesting to write and I'm glad you enjoyed it. It is very haunting and depressing to think she married to appease her family, but I think even if that were true she would end up happy, if only because of her children. Haha, your name is harder to give a nickname to. Thanks, JLHuff? Report Review
So far I think your OC is developing nicely. I get a firm sense of who she is and where she fits into the next-gen scenario. James sounds like a jerk with what he did to her, and I wonder if he really did or she maybe just thought wrong? I wonder who she'll choose next and if she'll be able to get over her fear of commitment.Author's Response: Thanks! We'll soon find out if Devon was wrong ;) Thanks for stopping by and leaving a great review! Report Review
It was really interesting to get to see the inner workings of how the dark side hangs out/gets together. I like the way they interact - the way it shows them in their younger years. I was wondering how you would characterize Evan, since he obviously does some pretty gruesome things later on. :) I like that he is nice and sensitive to Amelia throughout, especially the end, but you show that he does have a tougher side which would make sense with the rest! :)Author's Response: Hey Jessi,
I like to show that Death Eaters are people too. There would've had to have been something that made them the way they are. In The Time Has Come, I emphasised the love Anna's parents had for each other and expressed their beginnings here.
Despite the fact that they've done some evil things, I do believe there was a reason for it. Take Lucius Malfoy for example. Before DH, everyone thought he was a cruel man even to his family but chapter one changed that for me. I wanted to do the same for Evan Rosier.
Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Lia. Report Review
I really enjoyed reading this chapter, also.
I still love your characterization. I get a feel that Eridanus is kind of what some people stereotype Scorpius to be, while Scorpius in this fic is somewhat more sensitive and accepted by others. I am interested to find out more about Eridanus. I can't decide if he's just a jerk or if he's more involved with what is happening.
I like it that you put Scorpius in Slytherin even though he seems to be great friends with the Gryffindors. He can be whatever anyone wants (nice, mean, whatever), but for me it never works unless he's in Slytherin!! ;)
The creepy guy who is obviously not really an Auror is just that - creepy! Can we say serial killer/stalker??Author's Response: Haha well we shall see, won't we? Lol, thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate all your thoughts. please continue to read on! The story is just getting started...
~K Report Review
The characterization in this blew me away. I really like how you've portrayed Scorpius in such an angsty way. The backstory about his family, his time at Hogwarts - it's all very interesting and well done. You even gave him a mean brother with a name to match! Love it!! I also really like that you're setting him up quite effectively as an angsty badboy type. His character is the kind I just want to give a hug!!!
I also like Rose's characterization, and what happens at the end of the story definitely makes me want to read more.Author's Response: Great! I'm so glad you liked the older brother as well, because some people haven't...but good! Please continue reading, I think the plot really unfolds from here.
~K Report Review
At first I was hesitant to read this because it was all OC and even historical, something that not many HP-verse stories are. But I was grabbed almost instantly, and their first meeting was so lyrical. It's like their relationship was this amazing dream. I had no clue in my mind that it would end any other way than just some happy, prosaic ending. I was literally shocked when it ended the way it did! It was a very thought-provoking ending. Great passion does not always have great consequences, huh. :-/ . This was a really awesome read! :)Author's Response: I totally understand. I'm generally not one for historical pieces. I'm glad you liked it though! It's important to me to grab the reader's interest right away, so it's great to know I did that ^-^
Yay! Surprise endings are what I'm aiming for. I'm glad you didn't think the ending was too far-fetched. Thank you so much for your great review! I really appreciate your feedback ^-^ Report Review
Okay, this is so amazingly poignant that I almost started crying, seriously. First, there is the completely natural fatherly scene. I mean, I'm picturing James as my nephew and Albus as my niece, and I'm sure many similar situations like this have happened with them... It was so sweet and cute when, at last, James was able to get Albus to stop... All nice, sweet.
And then the addition of Harry's thoughts about death - about the sacrifice he made. Just utterly beautiful! It just goes to the deeper meaning of sacrifice in general. Sometimes you make the sacrifices to do something just because it's the right thing, and it might not seem like it at the time, but that's how you live the good life. Harry finally has the desires of his heart, though he'd initially laid aside that dream for the task at hand.
Okay, Jessi is calming down. It just hit me that I think I saw you are a Christian in your profile, so I think that might be why you thematically included this? Anyhoo, lovely!Author's Response: I actually had to go back and read this little story so I would be able to know exactly what you were talking about!
I'm so glad that I was able to capture the image of a father and his two sons. I don't have any children and it was really all up to my imagination to get the scene right, so I'm ecstatic that I did.
Harry's thoughts about death seemed so natural to me. I mean, how many times would he look at his life and realize how lucky he is to be alive. And then to decide that he'd risk his life -again- for his family. And I believe Harry would.
Yes, I am a Christian, and I can't exactly remember what I was thinking when I wrote this story, but I imagine that last line was definitely a reference to Christ. ^^
Thank you again! I wasn't expecting you to read this story, so this was a pleasant surprise. :DDD
Dem Report Review
I like seeing their reactions to the incident once they are away from each other. Lucius's perspective is very nice, indeed! I don't think of him as ever possessing a chink in that armor of his, but I think you've brought it out realistically. He is, after all, still a teenager with hormones and insecurities. The way he questions Severus is neat, as is Sev's reaction. The Black sisters are characterized well, also. And did I mention that you make him just a little bit dreamy, too??
I love Lily's little flashback to the past that explains why she did what she did, what made her who she is. I also LOVE it as a symbol for Lucius. Maybe?
I'm really curious to find out what happens next, so I'm adding this to my favorites... Also, kind of curious as to whether this story ends canon or not ... Hrmm... Guess I'll just have to wait to find out!!!Author's Response: I thought it would be interesting to see the story from both sides instead of just one. Both of these characters are full of such personality and beliefs that seeing how both of them transform from the relationship is almost essential for anyone to even understand how it could happen.
I love writing Lucius. He's such a character! And dreamy, apparently. :P
Flashbacks are my best friend. Haha, it was definitely a symbol for Lucius. Very obviously, I hope. I thought that there needed to be an explanation to why Lily helped him. I mean, she's no saint. She had every reason to just leave him there or worse, but that would go against everything she wants to live for.
Hmm, I guess you will have to wait! Yay favorites!
Thank you again for another lovely review!
-Dem- Report Review
Wow! I don't think I've ever seen this pairing before, or if I have, it hasn't been done this well. Marauders era is not my favorite time period, but this has me greatly intrigued.
Your characterization so far paints a good picture. James is in typical form. I really can see him being hot-headed enough to start a duel over an insult. Lily seems to be what we know of her from canon but something more, also.
And Lucius ... I don't know that I've ever thought of him as being something squee-worthy, but in this chapter he comes pretty close! In this chapter, he's sort of just in a comical position because he's weakened, so he can't be all intimidating and sneering.
The one thing that isn't clear to me in the story is the age between Lucius and Lily. I'm no Marauders genius, but I think he WAS at Hogwarts with them for a while, only quite a bit older. Anyway, that's minor, but it could be brought out more. :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for this amazing review! Really, it just made my day!
This is a unique pairing, which is really why I wanted to write it. I know that Lucius turns out to be a complete bastard, but he was just a kid once like everyone else. But I won't say anymore because that might give it away!
I loved the idea of making Lucius weak because every other time we see him (except when he loses his wand to the Dark Lord) he's powerful with a strong stature and filled with pride. Nothing could bring him down. So it's a side of him we haven't really seen.
Ahh, as for the ages, I believe I made an Author's Note about it at the beginning of the chapter...but maybe it wasn't clear enough. Lucius is actually about 4 years older than the Marauders, et al. I made him younger (and Bella too, she's a couple years older than him even) so that the relationship would be plausible to occur during school. Otherwise she'd be a 3rd year and he a 7th and that just seems a bit odd to me (even if that's the exact same thing that happened between my fiance and I).
I think I'll make an official note of their age as to avoid any further confusion, so thank you for pointing that out.
This review really really made my day, so thank you so much!
-Dem- Report Review
This story idea is just completely unique in my mind. You do a great job of establishing Fiametta as somewhat of a legend/farce. I was kind of disbelieving that I was reading about hunting in the magical world, but at the same time intrigued. Letting the reader kind of adapt to reading the same account that Wesley reads and finds to be trash.
The situation that Wesley is in also sounds very promising for good drama in the future. I think so far his character is developing nicely.
I love, love, love the phrase And this was why they called him Spout-Hole Spavin. Not only did he have the physique of a fully grown whale, but he could also crush you with minimal effort. It made me snicker and want to keep reading! ;)Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I remember asking a review from you back when I still had Taste of Ashes up and seeing you open a new thread up, I instantly jumped at the chance to get another review from you :)
I have to say, you are very spot on as to Fiametta. Her exploits have become such of a legend that one has to doubt if she's even real. Its characters like Wesley, with their healthy cynicism, that I hope will keep the reader grounded despite the obvious mystique about her character.
Haha! Ironically, that line was only added in final editing XD I only found out that Spavin's nickname was "Spout-Hole" during prepping the story for posting. The mind boggles with nicknames like that XD
I'm so glad you had fun with the chapter! I'll definitely re-request when the next chapter is posted...which might be earlier than the slated time XD Report Review
I think this is an awesome start to your collection of stories about Ron and Hermione.
I was pretty surprised she was crazy enough to dump Ron's clothes onto him while he was in the shower. It's perfectly like her but dramatic enough to definitely bother him! I liked getting to see your interpretation of what's been happening with the kids, etc, as she cleans through their rooms, etc. The thing that made me like this so much is the fact that when I clean (even though I hate cleaning, unlike her) is that I do exactly what she did - reminisce about the past, read through old diaries, etc.
To me, the diary entries gave this an authentic feel. I love when they made up at the end. This story just feels "real" to me. It could definitely be any happy couple's story. :)Author's Response: Thanks! This is very encouraging. I was hoping to write many other similar stories like this. I don't want these cliche life moments to be the main topic of the story, but more in the back ground. I want to focus more on how those moments in life kind of find you in odd moments, like when you're cleaning.
Thanks for taking the time to write a thoughtful review! Report Review
Typically I'm not a big fan of second person stories, but I think you make this one work well. I like the way you show the various stages in Tom/Minerva's development, subtly showing them as they evolve. To me, the end was very chilling. I like the symbol of the angel! :)Author's Response: Haha, I know second person stories aren't for everyone. I didn't like them at all when I first started reading ff, but there are some excellent ones out there (mine not included). I'm really glad you enjoted it :D. I was going to write just about one section in their relationship, but it's too hard to write in just a snapshot. Their relationship, for me, has so many levels, and is very dysfunctional, which you get more of a sense of through the evolution. I'm really glad you liked the ending too :D. Thanks for the lovely review! Report Review
I think you responded very well to the challenge. You did have very few details to work with, so this is basically just like a work of original fiction with a few spare Harry Potter facts. I think the idea of having a young girl see them was very interesting, and I like the way Dumbledore shows up toward the end. Very well done! :)Author's Response: Thanks. You're right, there wasn't a lot to work with but I tried to incoprorate as much canon HP as I could (Percival, owls, and obviously Dementors!). Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
This piece holds a lot of meaning, with Cho unexpectedly finding the dress that reminds her of Cedric and all that they had been. I can tell that she still cares about him, still misses him but has moved on in life as well. This shows her level of maturity and independence that she can remember him with fondness but is not completely debilitated by grief. I think this is a very clever way of answer the challenge. It contains some good characterization as well as a good life-lesson. :)Author's Response: I'm glad that you said something about the piece having meaning and that it has a life lesson. I am always harping on about how JKR has so many lessons in her writing, so I suppose this was my attempt at trying my hand out at dishing out some advice! It means a lot that you thought that aspect worked!
Grief is funny that way. I know absolutely nothing about grief since I am very fortunate to have never lost anyone close to me, but I think that grief is something you truly never get over. And I tried my best to convey that here, that moving on does not mean forgetting.
Thank you for your comments about Cho's character, as well. I wanted to make her seem a little more than just the pretty girl who serves as Harry's first crush and I hope it worked!
Thank you very much for your review!
Joop :] Report Review
I am literally stunned at the amazing way you show Sirius's thoughts in Azkaban. I am fascinated with imagining anyone's Azkaban experience, as the very nature of the Dementors is to almost always hurl that person into a dark psychological place, which is another thing I love reading. It's almost like instant PTSD of some kind.
The way you set everything up is very effective, kind of setting the tone for Sirius's experience in Azk. with him Sirius trying not to remember the past - even the good things - put then ruminating painfully on it anyway. The thoughts he has about James and Lily are really poignant and significant, as well as they way he remembers and views his own actions.
I LOVE the fact that the tiniest sliver of hope for the future is what keeps him saner than he would be... The thoughts, "Would that Remus knew this" and "Would he ever get to meet Harry?" stand out to me so vividly. Those are his reasons right there.
I think your psychological, stream-of-consciousness style serves you well in this, for sure! I enjoyed reading it!
Please feel free to request from me at any time in the thread or just PM me if there's not an open spot. I want to read more of your stories! Report Review
The darkness of this piece is its best feature, right along with the emotions portrayed between the brothers.
The situation you've set up is very chilling, that the Death Eaters could be so cruel to set up the particular brand of captivity between the two brothers. The idea of the collars working the way they do is very interesting, and I think it works well here.
I like the way you have the brothers' relationship deepening and changing because of what they've gone through together. They realize that NOT talking about what they've experienced, by keeping its secret, they are acting out of love.
You kept up with the spirit of the challenge well, even using the theme in your story.Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a great review!
I was worried about how dark this piece was, but I knew it had to go all the way or it wouldn't work. It's always nice to hear that readers agree with that.
I never really intended to write this piece. I had a dream, a very freaky dream actually, that was basically the premise for this piece. I filed it away in my brain but never meant to use it until I saw the challenge. Then I couldn't stop it from being written, if that makes any sense.
As for the twins' relationship - I love exploring sides of that. Fred and George are my favorites. I'm glad you understood the heart of what I was trying to convey.
Again, thank you so much for such a great review! It was a pleasure to get one from you. Report Review
This cracks me up! I love your ease in portraying a lot of next-gen mischief goodness. Even though I've always imagined Metamorphmagii could do a lot of awesomely hilarious tricks with their abilities, I don't think I've ever seen a story with one doing something just plain funny. I love the originality of Teddy's little transformation in this, and the way Scorpius reacts is just perfect, as well as the way the other guys respond.
One of my favorite parts is the situation with Ron getting mad that Scorpius is there. I love Ron-Scorpius tension! It just makes my day for some reason. It's also really fun that George kind of ruins the prank. Takes one to know one.
I think your characterization of everyone really works here. :)Author's Response: You know, people always write about Ron or Harry having trouble with Scorpius, and I can easily see Ron having no tolerance for the poor kid. I'm glad you enjoyed that! The ending was unplanned, but I realized I had to give some closure and decided to let the prank end. Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it. It was a fun challenge. ;) Report Review
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