I've ever read or reviewed a song fic before, but I shall give it my best.

Short and sweet. I really like your word choice and characterization. I normally don't read stories about the main characters, but this was very good. It flows well, and is well written in my opinion. I don't have many critiques for you because I am by no means picky on grammar and whatnot. I am however a discription junky, but seeing as this is a one shot I think your okay on discription even for me. XP

ERASoul

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Nope. I didn't find anything. This is an excellent story. Again, I'm sorry it took me so long. I like the transition in Dudley a lot. KUDOS!

Soul

Author's Response: Hi again! Thanks so much for reading! I'm thrilled you liked it! I know its a big transition, but hopefullly it was believable! Thanks so much Soul!!

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Excellent. This is very interesting. I like your style. There really isn't much I can say to be honest. It's very good. I may not make another review till the end. See if I notice anything by then.

SoulERA

Sorry this has taken me so long.

Author's Response: Hi ERA!

Don't worry about it! Sometimes I get caught up in work and it takes me weeks and weeks to get here! Thanks for reading, and I'm thrilled you like the style and story! Thanks!

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Over all it's a good idea. You just need more discription. Characters, surrondings, all of it. It will improve your story, and give the reader a clear view of what's going on.

Soul

Author's Response: Sure. Thank-you for your reviews :D

:)

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I'm not exactly sure what to say. This isn't my type of story, but here it goes.

First I must appologize for how long it's taken me to actually start reviewing your story.

First I feel having everything and everyone hating your character is a bit cliche. I can understand the bulling and what-not, but she should have one thing perhaps a plant or another animal. Also I would think a Ravenclaw bully would stick to verbal abuse or magic over physical means. It would seem more in place for them to do so.

Other than that it makes an interestin prologue.

SoulERA

Author's Response: Okay, thank-you... when the Q opens I'll edit... I know it's kinda cliche and all... please give it a try though. I think my later chapters, 8 & 9 which aren't up yet (figures) are better. And maybe 2... depends.

:)

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Overall your storys is pretty entertaining, though it is a little disconnected. I'm nto exactlye sure how to feel about it, because I still feel that Draco's out of character adn so is Hermione, but each to thier own.

Also like a I said earlier try and find a beta for some of the chapters, they'll help you tremendiously.

Thanks for requesting. I'm sorry I can't be of more help, I just don't know much about stories dealing with the Golden Trio characters.

Best of Wishes
ERA

Author's Response: Thank you! They are, but people do change! Remember, pree DH so two years have gone by and people change! :p

I have to betas..

Thank you

Pingo

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Tad better on the balance, but it looks like your qoutation marks are all messed up. You may want to go and fix them. I'd tell you how, but I'm not sure how they got were they are in the first place.

-ERA

Author's Response: Thanks..

Oh my God.. I thought I had changed that in every chapter.. It was a problem in chapter 1-5 and obviously I havn't changed it in chapter 5.. Thanks for pointing it out though.. I'll do it when I have the time for it..

Pingo

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I'm starting to enjoy the humor in this. Like I warned everyone, the way I take things in my stories is very dependent on my mood.

I'm sorry about the whole nitpicky thing, I wasn't aware english was your first language. May I suggest looking for a beta? I absolutely adore mine. She's quite the shiz.

Also my appologies on taking so long midterms are up and well.. things have been crazy.

Again try and add more description to your chapter's, they already are at a decent length but the amount of conversation can take away from the story.

Also be carefull not to overuse the 'only my love can call me dray' line. Don't want to wear it out.

I can't think of much else really. I usually read fics with minor character's so this is really different for me.

On to the next...

-ERA Soul

Author's Response: Thank you! It's all right!

Hmm.. I have two.. And they're danish too though.. Hehe

I have done that in the later chapters.. After I've got a lot of reviews saying that.. I didn't want to change the chapters, but I wanted to make it that way in the other..

Thanks a lot

Pingo

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The first part of the chapter would be served better if you took more time on it and made it an introduction.

Your characterization for Hermione and Draco seem off to me. Like they are a little too extreme in some cases.

In the line fourth from the bottom. I think does is supposed to be do. There were a few mistakes like that in the story, sadly that makes them very obvious and distracting.

I'm gad you choose a minor character like Susan Bones. I love seeing stories invovling them, because they always turn out so interesting.

I'd also recomend that you add some more detail in the conversation parts of the story. There is a lot of dialog in the bulk of this chapter.

-ERA

Author's Response: Wow.. Deja vú.. Haha..

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The first part of the chapter would be served better if you took more time on it and made it an introduction.

Your characterization for Hermione and Draco seem off to me. Like they are a little too extreme in some cases.

In the line fourth from the bottom. I think does is supposed to be do. There were a few mistakes like that in the story, sadly that makes them very obvious and distracting.

I'm gad you choose a minor character like Susan Bones. I love seeing stories invovling them, because they always turn out so interesting.

I'd also recomend that you add some more detail in the conversation parts of the story. There is a lot of dialog in the bulk of this chapter.

-ERA

Author's Response: It's only this chapter and maybe actually also 2-4. I like them 5+.. HAHAHA..

Well thank you..

Susan? She's not going to be in the story that much.. I just choose her, so I didn't need to use the time for intrudocing, but she's not going to be there that much.. Hehe.. Sorry..

Hmm.. Remember that I'm not English and theese kinds of mistakes are difficult to see for me..

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Characterization is good, the plot is still going well. This chapter is definently better in flow, and the balance between dialog and content. Your style is much more used, and developed in this chapter as well. It could use a little work with flow between the different scenes, and it does seem a little rushed still, but it's an improvement.

-Soul

Author's Response: Thank you SO much for pointing this stuff out for me!

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The flow from the last chapter to this was a bit better, as well as the flow of the chapter itself. Characterization is fine, adn the plot is rather amusing. Just work on have an equal amount of description and dialog, flow, and make more use of your writing style.

-Soul

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that it's improving!

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Pretty much the same as the last chapter. You seem really rushed int his chapter though. Slow it down a bit, and try to make your chapters flow together more.

-ERASoul

Author's Response: Okay, I'll work on it.

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First there is still a lot more dialog than anything else, and some more discription or something between the dialog.

Rachel's emotions seem very abrupt, and quickly shoved in.

Also the flow of this chapter could use some work, it's pretty jumpy.And as for the plot, it's okay so far. Characterization seems a tad off for James, and maybe some of the others, but nothing too out there so it's fine.

-ERASoul

Author's Response: Thanks for all of the great advice! I promise I'll work on it.

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There is a lot of dialog in this chapter. I would suggest oging back and pointing in more between parts of dialog. The characterization seems about right. I can't commnet on the plots just yet.

-SoulERA

Author's Response: Okay, thanks for the suggestion!

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Rather disconnected, however the flow in each part was rather good. Dumbledore seemed a bit out of character to me. However over all the story was well written. I like your style, but it needs some work on flowing from part to part.

-ERASoul

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I appreciate the criticism and will examine the issue of flow.
As to Dumbledore -- I'm not quite ready to go back and tinker with him; but you zeroed in on an area of concern; and your reaction is helpful.

Thank you so very much for taking the time to review.

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Same comments as last time. The story seems slightly rushed. Like you're trying to fit to much into one chapter. However the plot and everythign else is well done. My suggestion on seperatign it into more chapter still stands. All the same this was a very interesting read. Thanks for requesting.

-Soul

Author's Response: I will bow down to you because you were honest and didn't sugarcoat this! *hugs. I do have to say that out of the entire story this is the chapter that got done rather quickly. I think that I just really wanted to get somthing out because I hadn't added anything new in months. I'll most assuredly take your advice into strong and healthy consideration. Your welcome!

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Transitions are pretty smooth in this chapter, a tad jumpy, but that may just be me. I found this very intriguing. It seems a tad rushed though, but that may be because of the format you had to do it in. I would say that you should consider splitting it up some more and making the events a little longer. It's good as it is really, but that might make it seem less hurried.

-SoulERA

Author's Response: Thank you for being honest! And thanks for pointing that out...I'll take a look at it when I edit it soon :) Thank you for your advice!

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Your plot seems thought out so far, make sure you keep it planned out. It'll help your story flow better. Also make sure you flow your chapters together a bit better. Your OC stilll rocks, and characterization of others is well done. Also your style si still very consistent. Good work. I'll be watching this story.

-Soul

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I officially love your OC. She's amazing. Perfect to the T. I still am not ready to comment on your plot when I have a better idea of what to say. So far everything is still excellent. Keep up the good work.

-Soul

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Spledid. You have a good balance of dialog and content. Also your style is impecable,a dn your origional character is very intresting. Overall your story is rather enjoyable. I can't comment on your plot yet but so far so good.

-Soul

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First line second paragraph struck me as a tad odd. "now that it was there ", consider changing there to here, maybe? Just a thought.

Your style has carried through. Also the story flows very well so far. Excellent job, it's very entertaining. Your characterization is good so far, nothing to worry about there. I can't really say on your plot yet, but I'm sure after a few more chapter's I can give you some feed back.

-Soul

Author's Response: I sat looking at the 'there' and again, decided to let it be. I think 'here' would work too, but it'd be... almost personal. As it's with me and not her. Meh, don't know if I'm even making sense. Gonna keep thinking about that one though. But thank you for your reviews!

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You have a very nice style. I rather like it to be honest. Though I will say that I hope you have a reasoning for what appears to be out of character for Scorpious. I am just going along wiht what you wrote, but I'm sure you'll cover that. This is a very good introduction. It's pretty catchy, and enticing.

I'm not sure if the line "the steel in them reminding me of liquid" really works. Perhaps something other than steel, or suggest that the had softened became seemingly malable*sp* might work better.

Also, maybe I'm wrong but after "“I’ll check on you later,” he said and gave me a smile. Not his incessant smirk, but a genuine smile." I think you should use "I nodded." as a new paragraph.

Well so far so good.

-Soul(ERA)

Author's Response: Hm, what appears to be out of character for Scorpius? I created another paragraph as you suggested. Thanks for that. As for the line "the steel in them reminding me of liquid"; gotta say I'm quite happy with it, so I let it be =) But I'm glad you find this good overall!

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If at all possible I think you should continue this. It's quite amazing.

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I really like Mia, the fact that she isn't some perfect girl is very appealing. I hope you next chapter comes out soon.

Elizabeth

Author's Response:
I'm glad you like her. :) It's oftentimes hard to write her because she's just so imperfect. I'll get the chapter out soon. :)

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