Hey there! I entirely agree with your author's note - I think those thoughts are totally plausible. Petunia as a character always fascinated me. Sometimes I feel bad for her despite how horrid she was.
Anyway, I know I am not that far into your story yet, and I intend to read more! So far everything looks good - there are a few grammar mistakes and typos, but you seem to know your grammar, so a quick read-through should take care of that.
On to the next one,
~GabbyAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I hope you like the next two chapters!
I will hopefully have the time (and patience) to do a read through of all the current chapters next weekend to iron out any grammar issues.
Thank you for reading and reviewing, you have no idea how happy it makes me to know that you are enjoying my story enough to continue! :)!
-JChrissy Report Review
Me again! This piqued my curiosity as well, and I have to say I never thought about the relationship that Luna and Mr. Ollivander might've developed during their days of imprisonment. I love fics that take a mention of something in the books and develop it into a story! One tiny thing: where you say "The darkness in the world was triumphed," I think you mean it was triumphed over? Just a typo.
Great job again! What a sweet and unlikely friendship.Author's Response: Hey again! I have to say at the sake of sounding egotistical, that this is my favorite one shot that I've written. In my head, Luna and Ollivander had always had a friendship follwoing their imprisonment. It never really occured to me that this was a novel idea until I posted this one shot. Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
Hey Witness, I came by to see what you've been up to =] I'd never read Arthur/Molly before, but I'm so glad I decided to give this a try! The theme is so unique and your little flashbacks of the couple are truly touching.Author's Response: Baww. I'm glad to see a review from you!! This one shot is a bit older, but it's still one of my favorites. I'm glad you liked this story.
Thank you so much! Report Review
Hey, sorry it took me a bit to get here. Like I said, I was away last weekend. Thank you for entering my Adopt-A-Ship Challenge!
The ship you chose and the random trait I gave you are an interesting combination. James is so confident and talented, and Lily so rational and efficient, that I'd never expect either of them to get panic attacks when stressed out or scared. I'm glad you chose Lily to have them, though, because she is so often portrayed without real faults or weaknesses, even though, as a human being, she must.
I like your style of writing. It has a real lyrical quality to it at some places. And the last few lines were so cute and punchy - it definitely embodied James and Lily as a couple and ended the rather heavy piece on a lighter note.
Thank you once again for entering, and I will announce the winners shortly!
GabbyAuthor's Response: hi Gabby! don't even worry about it - I completely understand. I'm just grateful you came to review! and you're certainly welcome - I thought the challenge was a fantastic idea.
I'm so happy you liked the way I characterized Lily with the trait you gave me - I spent some time debating how I was going to do that without making it seem weird, so I hope I did okay on that front. you're right - Lily is often written as 'little-miss-perfect': and I mean she can be, but she has her faults too, like you said.
you have no idea how relieved I am to see that you at least semi-liked the ending! I was sort of debating whether or not to change it, but I might re-think that now.
thank YOU again for reviewing as well as doing this challenge! can't wait to hear from you :)
~Emma Report Review
Hey Jill, I've come to take a look at this story, too. I don't read many Cedric or Cho stories, so I can't really say I have much to compare on, but I thought getting into Cedric's thoughts was interesting. Also, I liked that Cho was portrayed like the intelligent Ravenclaw she's supposed to be before Cedric's death, not some off-her-rocker girl who's always surrounded by giggling friends.
I'd suggest running through this again, though, because there are a few confusing sentences like this one: "Another sound had joined Krumís breathing, but as he stepped in front of Cedric, turning towards him, he hit." There are three Hims in the scene: Krum, Ced, and Harry. Who are you talking about? I think it's Krum stepped in front of Cedric, Krum turned towards Cedric, and then Harry hit, but I'm not sure...haha, well, you get the point. It's confusing.
Well, great use of the lyrics. I have a soft spot for Amos Diggory - poor man was devastated to lose his son, the pride of his life. :( I enjoyed this, good job!
~GabbyAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing Gabby! I definitely have been planning to go over this again... it was the second piece I ever wrote and I kind of just posted it without a second thought, haha, so editing is definitely necessary. Finding the time, however, is the hard part ;]
I'm glad you enjoyed it! I was going for that different look at Cho; some people seem to forget that there's a reason she was sorted into Ravenclaw! And I agree about Amos... I felt so bad for him!
Ack! That sentence! Oi vey, WHAT was I thinking? haha thanks for pointing it out. Thanks again for the review! It's much appreciated :D
Awww, poor Ellie. Being injured stinks. And being injured, unable to eat/play Quidditch/walk/breathe, and stuck with Oliver Wood all at the same time? Even worse. :P
As for what I think of Ellie, I'd love to know more about her life outside of Quidditch and Oliver...if she has one, of course. =] Like her family, her friends, her favorite subjects, etc. I know Quidditch probably takes up a lot of her time, but it'd be great to see other parts of her life. Like Harry played, but he still had time to get into all kinds of trouble, haha.
I'm meeting my friends soon, so I can't read any more today. But Chapter 12 of Two Shots is newly up so I will pop over to your thread before I go. Enjoy the reviews! =]
~GabbyAuthor's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Okay, this line totally made my day: "Quidditch is not a fashion sport itís a contact one." BAHAHAHA so true and yet so funny. Ellie is great.
I liked the interaction between Oliver and Ellie more this chapter. The last scene in the Hospital Wing seemed smoother, more natural, and more consistent. Oliver is a devoted Quidditch captain who might have an ulterior motive to be so concerned for Ellie, or may not. At this point, no one knows...haha, the point is, it was realistic and yet hints of romance to come. ;)
On to the next chapter!
~GabbyAuthor's Response: Thanks again, Gabby for all your reviews. I can not put into words how much I appreciate them! Report Review
Hey Rachel, me again. I left a review on your story Permanent Scars, too, if you haven't seen it. =]
Well. This was an eventful chapter, haha. I feel like you've got the Quidditch team/practice dynamic down well, but I was confused by the relationship between Ellie and Oliver. Trying to establish a relationship, friendship, or something in-between in one chapter is not easy, but the important thing is to be consistent. There's a place where Ellie says "We did better when we ignored each other." Then a few paragraphs down, she says "Other than that, he was merely just okay." THEN right after, she says, "I wanted to murder that boy at times." That sounds like 3 totally different attitudes towards Oliver. Which can get confusing when the reader is trying to figure out where Ellie stands regarding him.
The other thing I noticed is that sometimes he calls her Ellie and sometimes Marshell. And same for him - sometimes it's Oliver, sometimes it's Wood. Which is okay, I guess, but maybe you should keep to first names and reserve last names for when they're really angry, or keep to last and reserve first for when they're in a really good mood. It's just less confusing that way.
Now, on to the good stuff: I loved the part at the end with the twins. I love them, but I can never write them right. And it seems like Ellie is going to have trouble wooing Oliver with them around. =] Also, I like that you had Ellie doing homework at the beginning. A lot of Quidditch stories tend to forget that even Quidditch players have to do homework. As much as we'd like it to be different, there's more to Hogwarts than Quidditch and Oliver. :P
Yeesh, what a long review. Anyway, I'm going to take a look at the next chapter.
~gabbyAuthor's Response: Thanks so much Gabby, I really appreciate you reviewing. Your words mean a lot. Report Review
Hey Rachel, I know it's been forever, but I said that I'd take a look at stories by the authors who follow my stories, so now that I finally have a bit of time here I am. =]
I looked at this one first because I love the banner, but after I'm done with Ralph, I'll feed Josefina over at your Oliver Wood story too. I think the concept of death following Jacqueline is very interesting. I mean, it's scary - I would never wish that upon anyone - but you could do lots of things with a character whose past was riddled with deaths of loved ones. Just please don't make Al die. =[
I'm interested to see how you develop Al's character, because it seems that he's one of the Next Gen kids that lots of people focus on, after Scorpius and Rose. Can't wait to see what havoc James II might cause, too. ;)
Keep writing! Now, off to Josefina...
GabbyAuthor's Response: I know it's been forever since you reviewed. And it's been even longer for me to respond. I'm sorry! My life is so crazy. I'm not sure when I will get the chance to update any of my stories. It's been months since I've written fan fiction. I hope soon though. THanks! Report Review
OOOH, Jill, I absolutely adore stories like this - the ones that stop time in a moment and examine it from a character's perspective, showing that character's thoughts and feelings towards it. Then, at the end, the moment ends and everything normal starts up again. Yum!
Err...yeah, I think I'm just rambling now. If you understand what I'm trying to get at, props to you! Haha. =]
There was one part that stuck out to me: "Stupid decisions hold as much weight as a bank full of gold; they can both make or break you." Before this sentence, it was all he-she-them, etc. Then, allofasudden, there's this YOU. And it just doesn't fit too well there - it's almost like you're drifting into second person, then yanking yourself back.
Everything else was good. I like how Draco holds himself back from acting on anything and tries to hide that he's watching her. It seems like a very Draco thing to do. I don't know about the resentment towards his father, but with all the pressure I suppose he might feel that way. You could add that Draco knows the danger he's in if he does not prove himself; he could question his own desire to complete the task, and his motives [to protect his mother, mayhap?].
Ooohkay. This was very nice, and I think I have rambled sufficiently to reach the nicely-lengthed reviews that you usually give me. =] Do let me know when you post a new piece!
~GabbyAuthor's Response: I went on a totally different branch with this story - I wanted to see how it went over. It seems that everyone who's reviewed liked it! I'm glad you did :]
I did understand what you were trying to say - I'm another rambler who seems to have no point but really does. I'm a fan of Dramione, but not as most people write it. There are a select few that I enjoy because they're written really well and not to OOC, but this was my view on how their relationship "should" be. I thought it was a little short, so I'm glad you're suggesting something to extend on. I may get to that... eventually. RL is ridiculous at the moment.
Agh. I knew there was something wrong with that line; I just couldn't figure it out! Looking at it now, you're right. The you is just horrible there. Thanks for noticing that!!
And thanks for this review as well! I'll let you know when I post another one-shot. I'm currently working on one about Dedalus Diggle, but if you're interested in reading something longer I've added the next chapter of my big project "Give A Little" in the past couple days... it should be out early next week. Thanks again for the lovely, unexpected reviews!!! :D Report Review
Hey Jill. I'm here, just like I promised! I thought it was time I read something of yours, considering that you follow my two biggest projects at the moment. :D
I don't usually read Ron/Hermione stories, but I thought I'd take a chance on this because I like the song. And you wrote them absolutely adorably! Ron is such a cute guy, and I love how you made them argue for a bit before coming to the realization that they were on the same page. It seems like something they'd do. I loved the little details you threw in, too, like how Hermione was working so hard even while pregnant and how Ron shouted at the people on the Knight Bus. It really makes your characters come alive. =]
The pace was kinda quick here, but seeing as this is a oneshot songfic, it's not like you had much choice in the matter.
Sorry that I'm not as good at long, extensive reviews as you are, but I enjoyed this very much so I'm going to go find something else of yours to read! =]
~GabbyAuthor's Response: Gabby! I'm glad you stopped by! I appreciate the unexpected reviews :D
I LOVE THIS SONG haha, Lifehouse is one of my favorite bands! I'm glad you like it too! And I'm glad you gave it a chance, then enjoyed it! Ron is one of my favorite characters, only following the twins, so I'm so pleased to hear that I wrote him well. I seem to get him pretty well, dunno how that works out as I'm way too emotional.. haha. Yayyy! Living characters!
Thanks so much for the review! They don't have to be long and gushy haha, that's just the way I am. As I said above, overemotional ;]. I'm just glad you took the time to read and review! It seems like no one reviews on this one much, so thanks again! :D Report Review
Hey Petey, it's me! I decided to check out this story because I love the song, and I'm really glad I did. The experiment is such a crazy idea - just the kind that Dumbledore might have. I'm interested in what might happen with Jenny and Remus.
I'm adding this to my favorites. Please update soon!
GabbyAuthor's Response: Hey Gabby! Aw thanks so much--you are too sweet! That was so nice of you!
Can't wait to begin the Collab, I'm just waiting on some answers still!
LM Report Review
Oh my gosh! How horrible!
Please update soon. I can't wait to see how you finish this story off. How many more chapters are left?Author's Response: 3 more chapters, I think. I can\\\'t believe it\\\'s finally coming to a close. I\\\'m sort of scared to be honest. Hope you enjoy it. :)
xx Report Review
Awww, how cute!! ;)
Okay, now that I got that out of my system, it's AlannaLestrange here from TGS to review.
I thought this was a nice piece, with the right balance between fluffy romance and stronger emotions. Alice was well-characterized, and different from how I usually see her written - as a shy, good-natured girl like Neville. The Narcissa complication was interesting as well, because I never thought about her getting involved with the Longbottoms [probably because Draco and Neville kept their distance at Hogwarts] but it certainly is possible.
This was a unique Alice/Frank, and with no grammar issues to boot! Great job.
~CSGAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review! I've never been able to quite do fluff, but this is the closest I've come to it, lol. Narcissa just kind of jumped into my mind - I had no idea, really, where I was going with this when I started. Anything's possible though, isn't it? :P
Thanks for taking the time to read and review this! :)
Blaire Report Review
Hey, thanks for entering in my Adopt-a-Ship Challenge! Wow, you got this written quick. Extra points for the first to finish! :)
Well, I have to say, you used your trait very well, especially considering the ship you chose. You put a great twist on it - Harry and Draco BOTH coming from their canon families, both unsatisfied and turning to each other, yet both lonely for what they had in the past. That's a very different take on Draco/Harry than the usual, and it's a great idea!
I really like your writing style, too. It flows very nicely and the dialogue between the two men sounded natural. The whole one-shot seemed a bit top-heavy, though. There was a lot of description and idleness with Harry in the beginning, and then when Draco shows up it seems like all the action [bahaha, both kinds] and emotions come in very quickly. It works, of course, but I think in comparison to the first half, the second half could be beefed up some more.
Great job, and I will pick winners once the deadline comes and everyone has turned in their entries!
~CSGAuthor's Response: Well, about the transition from being 'top-heavy' to the action, it's suppose to be like Harry is just managing to trudge through life, and the world is on his shoulders, but then when Draco comes onto the scene it's all gotten rid off.
thanks you!! Report Review
AW THAT WAS SO CUTE!!! *squee*
Wow, just had to get that off my chest. ;) Ron got it spot on; that's a perfect gift for Hermione. I clicked on this because I thought it'd be cute, and you didn't disappoint me. I really enjoyed this, and that's saying something coming from me because I don't usually read Ron/Hermione stories.
Great job! =]
GabbyAuthor's Response: You don't read Ron/ Hermione stories!! You know that's a criminal offence right?
Only joking :D Heehee I'm very happy you liked it, especially as you don't usually read R/H stories. :D
Thank you lots for reading! Report Review
AlannaLestrange from TGS here with your review!
I haven't read many stories about funerals, but you seem to have it down - the sadness, the grieving, and the strength in numbers. I especially liked Harry's actions here; they were appropriate for him. And tying Mother Nature and the weather in made the ending of the piece very poetic - I have a soft spot for analogies, haha. =]
~GabbyAuthor's Response: Thanks for dropping by!
Thank you! I'm glad that the funeral seemed...appropriate. Harry was very hard to write, so I'm glad you didn't find him OOC or anything of the like.
Thank you for the review! Report Review
Haha, I love how I see that you've updated, so I put off writing my paper to read this. It was totally worth it, though - it always is.
Like I've said before, your story is a real mix of happy moments, funny moments, horror-inducing moments, and downright heartwrenching moments. That's what makes it so real. If I didn't know any better, I could totally believe that this was the story of the Marauders - god, I wish it was! =]
I'm also loving the quick updates. Yeesh, if I could update only half as fast, and I don't even have to wait in the queue. You put me to shame, dear. =]
Please update soon! I hope we're not nearing the end yet. Report Review
Wow! I love Sirius, but I can't really seem to get him right, so I guess I'll substitute by reading him in your stories. After all, word on the street is that you're the best when it comes to Sirius Black. :) I recently favorited Reckless and I've been meaning to read it - if it's anything like this first chapter I'm sure I'll love it.
Sirius/Hermione is an intriguing pairing. This promises to be good. Favorited for sure! ;)
~CSGAuthor's Response: *hugs* Thank you for the sweet words!!! I love Sirius and hope that shows through in at least parts of it :) Report Review
Hi, it's AlannaLestrange from TGS!
I liked this a lot. This was a cute snapshot of Sirius's younger life from a new point of view. I always wondered what kind of friends Sirius had, besides Regulus of course, before Hogwarts. I'm not sure if Sirius's parents would willingly let him play with James as a child, though, since the Potters are a known blood traitor family.
One thing you want to watch out for is tense changes. The very first sentence of your story is in present tense, but the rest is in past. Also, this sentence: "Not that there is any problem with muggles..." There are some spelling/grammar mistakes, but a quick run-through should take care of that.
Anyway, thanks for a very enjoyable read. Well done!Author's Response: Thanks, and I understand where you're coming from with Sirius being allowed to play with James before Hogwarts with the Potters being known blood traitors, but I went completely AU with letting them know each before the first train ride in their first year in this one-shot. And as for tenses, that's always been my weakness... I hate tenses very much so as it's so easy to slip into different tenses. Thanks again for the review and I'm glad that you enjoyed it! Report Review
Hi, it's AlannaLestrange from TGS.
First off, I thought this was nicely written, very fluid and poetic. You covered many years in a one-shot, but it seemed to all flow naturally.
I liked the situation you made for Astoria as well - it's always what I imagined a conventional pureblood marriage would be like. I was impressed with the way you tackled Draco's character here, too. He's not Lucius, but he's not miraculously transformed either. I like that even though it was all in Astoria's pov, you could still make me feel sorry for both of them.
The only thing that perplexed me was ending, when one day Astoria simply left. She endured all those years married to Draco, and it would make more sense if she left after a particularly nasty fight or maybe if he threatened her - something that finally crossed the line.
Nice story, though! =]Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much! Draco, I was a bit worried about, as I've never really read a convincing Draco, so I'm quite happy you think I handled him well, and that you could sympathize with him.
As for the ending, I saw it more as she didn't have a reason to stay any longer. The only reason she tried to keep her marrige intact for so long was Scorpius, and that was no longer an issue. She'd wanted to leave for several years, I think. Leaving after a fight always seemed like a more Gryffindor thing to do ;) Slytherins would put a little more thought into big decisions.
Thanks for the review, and sorry it took so long to respond. Report Review
Hi marina! I'm here to review from TGS [I'm AlannaLestrange there]. Awesome site, btw. =]
Anyway, I've just read the WHOLE THING up to here, and I have to say I really like it! Teddy and Victoire are so cute together, even if they are pretty messed up when they're apart, LOL. I love the red lipstick - it's something usually associated with ... confidence, so it gives Victoire some spark. I'm also pleasantly surprised that Teddy doesn't change his hair obnoxious colors on a regular basis. He's usually portrayed in fics like that, so this is a nice change.
One thing I felt could be made clearer is whether or not the Potter-Weasley clan knows about Victoire/Teddy. Obviously Bill and Fleur and Harry know, but I found myself wondering exactly what the rest of the family thought about it. They are a big part of Victoire and Teddy's lives, so...I felt that was missing a bit.
Otherwise, great job! I'm reading on in hopes that Teddy gets better!!Author's Response: omg i just realised i never replied to your reviews *blushes with embarrassment*
anyway, I'm seriously impressed you read this far for me! I'm quite honoured, thank you.
thanks so much for the feedback, I'll admit I forgot about the family side of things, I'll be sure to encorperate that more. Thanks so much :D
thanks so much for reviewing and reading! Report Review
Hey, I'm here as promised.
I like your idea - it'll be interesting to see how the Order and Rabastan will clash. Your Rabastan is so incredibly different from my Rabastan that I squirmed while reading him here, but that's a good thing! He acts a lot like post-Azkaban Bellatrix, which makes him believable.
One thing you want to watch out for is past tense/present tense confusion. Your story is in past, but there are a few sentences where you switch to present. If you're good with that stuff, an extra look-through will take care of it. Otherwise, a beta.
On to the next one!Author's Response: thanks so much for the comment. I'll watch out for the past/present tenses, they always get me. by the way, how do I go about finding a beta in case I need one? Report Review
"James probably didn't realise how stupid and goofy he looked at that moment, but Remus knew. After all, he had seen that expression three hundred and seventy-nine times before."
LOL That was the greatest line ever! I'm loving the shift between James and Hermione to romance. It's so cute! ;) I never thought I'd like a James/anyone-but-Lily story, but you're writing this wonderfully. Of course, I feel bad for poor Remus, but I think it's funny that Peter swoons over James and even Remus admits that he's very easy to fall in love with. I can see where Hermione and older James get their chemistry from now. Gah, the only thing is, I've just realized that if things carry on like this, Harry won't even exist! :O
Great job so far, can't wait to read on!
~CSGAuthor's Response: Hi again and thanks! I thought that line was pretty funny myself. :) I'm glad I turned you into a James/Hermione shipper at least for this story and that you see the basis for the future I've portrayed in the earlier chapters. And Peter does worship James; it's in canon! Remus, well... I've always thought he was likely to pity himself. :( Yes, you're right, if things do carry on like this, Harry will not be born. But we shall see. :) Report Review
Wow, I'm really enjoying this story so far! This chapter was just hilarious - the Brigade's adventures remind me of the kind of stuff I used to do at summer camp. Being at Hogwarts would make it so much better, though!
I actually love stories with lots of characters. I'm writing a Marauders one with 6 main characters right now - it's difficult sometimes, but it makes for a really fleshed-out story, I think. I love the super-close friendship between those 4. It's something really rare in real life, but it seems to fit on paper. I hope Cass and Dom get together soon! =]
~CSG Report Review
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