One thing - Harry Potter is set in the UK, and there they don't say "mom"; it's mum just in case you didn't know. Sorry, I'm just always really irk-y about it.
Other than that, it was amazing. Really beautiful :)Author's Response: Ah! I knew that too, I call my own mom 'mum'. I guess I just didn't put that in writing...=)
Thanks though! Report Review
Oh this is good. Really good. I love Draco/Ginny haha. Great characterization, and I love this line "Some things were just more important then Harry Potter." It just seemed to hold contempt; it was great.
I look forward to chapter 2! 10/10Author's Response: thank you! :D I'm glad you like it! Report Review
Oooh, suspense. I honestly am in awe of your non-rushed writing. I tend to rush haha. I love your characterization of Draco :)Author's Response: Thanks! However, in later chapters, my writing does get kind of rushed and not nearly as descriptive. And thanks about Draco. He is so hard for me to write... Sometimes I have to get up and pore over the books for a while in frustration, trying to capture his personality in a better light than the one JKR gave him. Report Review
I'm pretty shocked to be honest. Why doesn't this story have more reviews? Weird.
I liked it. You didn't rush, and kept a steady pace. I think you went into a little too much detail about her appearance, I think... but it's barely noticeable and it's not terribly annoying as you blended it really well and you didn't say anything like "curves in all the right places".
After reading your reviews for this chapter, I'm going to disagree with the reviewer before me about the categorize thing. Many men are that sexist, and as she expressed her dislike for it I thought it was pretty interesting.
It also makes sense with the "she can't apparate" to me. You said that she was made an example by the Carrows, which could prevent her from being allowed to take the exam (being of muggle decent and all). It's interesting.
I really liked it to be honest! Do I give it a 10? Yes I do.Author's Response: Aw, thanks! Truthfully, I'm happy with as many reviews I have now!
Yeah, I suppose the detail about her appearance is a bit too much, whereas, in another story, I hardly went into detail at all, lol. Thanks!
Thanks again. I did that intentionally, making her boss a bit of a character, and I'm sorry that I didn't explain that clearly enough for some readers.
Awww... A 10? Thanks soo much! I really appreciate this review and the fact that you took the time to write it! Report Review
I noticed a few things that were a little inaccurate, and Tom seemed a little OOC... but he was at school, and people change a lot so maybe not OOC... sorry if this review makes little sense; it's the early hours of the morning.
Other than that, really well done :) It certainly worked well with the title! Thanks for taking up this challenge; I rarely find good Tom/OC one-shots; this was definitely great.
9/10 (:Author's Response: Thank you very much, both for your review, and for the lovely challenge that inspired this fic. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I agree that he was slightly OOC, but I really can't fix it without wrecking the plot. Thanks again for reviewing, especially considering how early it was!
I loved it. Very much the voice of Neville; tentetive yet simple. I loved the affectionate use of the word "dad" instead of father. It made me smile. Powerful and really well-written. I love the banner too. 10/10 xAuthor's Response: thank you so much :] i'm glad that you liked it! Writing Neville, and Hannah, actually, was a bit of a challenge for me so its nice to know that you thought so. :)) I love the banner too! I *had* to use it LOL. Thanks for the great review!!
-lauren Report Review
it's pretty good :) i think a little more description would go a long way though :) thanks for taking up the challenge; sorry it took me ages to review! Report Review
LOVED IT. Intense, and Ash has changed so much... BUT she's still in characterizatgion; you can tell her, even if she's changed. Well bloody done.
Well chuffed with the update ^_^ I was like yaaayy hehe. I like this fic, very original. Very rare to find a good marauder fic that is written in a Slytherin point of view; not ones that don't have the character falling for Sirius randomly in the first chapters anyways!
10/10. :)Author's Response: well thank you bunches. she was still in character? YESS. success. thats what i was reeeally trying to accomplish, because i havent really written anything sincee like january, let alone anything pertaining to ashlynn and i wasnt sure i could remember how to write her. but thank you so much !! wooo. im like. ecstatic now. haha. Report Review
YES. Dance? Yeah! *dances*
Awh. Bliss and James. Their little moment was so perfect. Honestly, you are an amazing writer. Really good at setting the scene, y'know?
I love all the characterizations, especially of James and Lily. ESPECIALLY Lily. She is so like Ginny, but her own character too. It's really fun to read!
Thanks for a great update!
I don't think I even need to say 10/10 anymore. (: xoxoxAuthor's Response: I have previously responded to this review. I believe that there is some glitch within HPFF that has made this review, and 91 other ones of mine, become "unanswered". I am sorry for the inconvenience. Report Review
Wow. This was bloody amazing. Whoaa.
The voice of Ginny you had was really strong. Amazing characterization. All the happy, and bittersweet, times made me smile. It was like "awh" then it came to "I remember when you had your first seizure" and my eyes filled up. Almost cried, well bloody done! ^_^
This is DEFINATELY going into my favourites. Amazing.Author's Response: Thanks, it was really hard writing Ginny's voice because I see her as a very strong and determined woman. I'm so happy to know I got that right! And thanks for favouriting this piece! I really liked writing this! Thanks for the challenge! Report Review
Twas a bi short, but I liked it. I thought it was Draco who was the mentalcase. :P Well done :)
10/10 xAuthor's Response: It was what I was going for :-) Thanks for the review! Report Review
I really like this. It's intriguing. Reminds me of the omen ^_^
The kid is odd. It's great :P And he insulted Hermione... and he reminds me of Draco... what a great kid xD ^^
10/10 :) xAuthor's Response: Haha I'm glad you're enjoying it! I loved writing the bit with Triston and Hermione ^_^ I'm happy you liked Triston as a character and thank you for taking the time to review! :D xxxx Report Review
The grammer was a bit bad, you missed capital letters and commas and some sentences contained misspelt words or wrong tenses or missing a 's'.
You use one hell of a lot of colliquol expressions. You also over-describe the characters, and the situation with her parents and whatnot. It would be more interesting if you showed how she looked through other things, rather than just coming out with it.
You also switched POV, but went into third person then back into first person.
I'd reccommend getting a beta. Oh and, to get a banner, you can formally request one via TDA. People don't send banners usually, they have to be made for you...
Oh and, if I was you, I'd avoid using "goth or emo" in your summary. It makes people go off reading your story.
Sorry about the bad review, I just wanted to give you a heads up. I'm sorry if I came off as rude, too. x Report Review
Sorry about the crap review.
10/10 (: xxAuthor's Response: Aww, lol. Its okay, this is a crap response too : P Report Review
"The tiniest internal flaw-- the one crack that could enable the perfectly composed image to shatter. Doubt. The one blemish that tarnished the perfect picture and threatened to consume her at any given moment. "
My favourite bit.
WOW. *IN AWE*. That was f*cking amazing. Wow. Bloody hell. You captured the emotion of every character, you put in slight humour, the angst was perfect and not over-done... bloody hell... Amazingly written, good characterization and I actually had tears in my eyes. GO YOU XD
O, and 10/10. Whoa.
Song lyrics are very Snape/Lily (:Author's Response: XD OMG AWSOMEST...REVIEW...EVARRRRR. Thank you so much for the wonderful review!!! It makes me so happy when readers quote their favorite parts =D ( which doesnt happen too often) I'm so happy now XD
Severus/Lily is one of my favorite ships and i thought the song was perfect for them. So glad you liked it and thanks for the review!
kay~ Report Review
AMAZINGLY WRITTEN. I love the character of Ginny, and I think you captured her reaaally well :) Well done!!
O, most definatly. Sorry I didn't review your other story - I don't have the time. Andd sorry it took me soo long to review, I'm overloaded atm :/
You said you'd like to review one of my stories...
Well, for humour I'd reccommend "Contrast" or "10 Fool-Proof Ways To Deflate James Potter's Big Head". Mainly "Contrast", though. For dark, I'd reccommend "Vermillion" or "Paint Me Malice". Mainly "Paint Me Malice" - it's very new.
Thanks! (: xxAuthor's Response: Thanks so much. I'm really pleased that you like the story and my characterisation of Ginny. I completely understand that my novel-length is a very long thing and don't worry about having taken your time. I understand the feeling completely.
Yes, I will review for you too, probably not until tomorrow though.
Thanks so much for this very encouraging review! Report Review
It's well written, but it has a bit of a jerking sort of flow.
It was good, despite the fact that I could not see that happening but ah well XD
When Ginny kissed Cho, and how she reacted - I really liked that. It seemed realistic.
9/10 (: xAuthor's Response: Well, I had to set the plot first, hehe it's not that they should jump straight into each other's arms in front of the others just to make the flow move faster. :) Thanks for reading it. :) Report Review
HAH I like it!
Not the most original storyline, but very well written!!
O, gotta say XD Report Review
Aha dump-age. I like that girl.
Good. A bit short, but god.
10/10 (:Author's Response: Hey, Arielle is pretty cool. A lot better than some of the othr girlfriends James has had, I'm sure.
I'm sorry its a little short, but it got the point across, didn't it? Tehe, thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Awh... he had a remorse thing going on. Well done. I like his girlfriend. She reminds me of Lily (I).
Arg. Bliss intrigues me.
10/10. Sorry about the crappy review. It's getting late. :)Author's Response: Ah human emotion! A strange thing to get from James, right? Aha, he's growing up...slowly.
Lol, you're right Arielle is a lot like Lily I. However, I'm not sure this James needs a fiery redhead in his life ; ) Report Review
This was insanely cute. The end was utterly fantastic.
Yeah. Bliss trying to rape James. HAH. Creased.
Yeah amazingly written... etc etc. It's perfect. I noticed a couple of missing commas... but I was too busy in awe of the awesome-ness to actually take note of them... eep.
10/10, obviously.Author's Response: Aw thanks!
Lol, the thought of Bliss trying to rape James is funny...lmao.
I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, I know...my grammar isn't the best, but whatever Spell/Grammar Check doesn't pick up when I'm writing it, I don't really pay attention to. I know I should probably proof read it better but yeah...I'm a little crunched for time lol.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I love Bliss. She seems like... weird. In a good way.
She reminds me of an insane Luna. Is that good?
Great characterization, but I'm sure you know that (: 10/10, obviously. xAuthor's Response: Lol sweet! Bliss is pretty cool, I must admit. Definitely one of a kind. And yes, she is a lot like Luna...I think I even made a connection between the two sometime in the story. But don't worry, you'll soon find out that they're VERY different ; ) Report Review
10/10. Loved it. I love the characterization of all the characters - just how I imagined them! I like how you included Harry and Ginny - it's unlike every next-gen fic I've read so far, who skip straight to Hogwarts.
I'm guessing, due to the James/Oc ship, that it will be Bliss/James - which I like. She seems like a very original character. You always have the "best friends turns into love" fics, and the "enimies turn into lovers" fics, but it's very rare to find a "hated-freak and the hater turn into love". I'm interested about how you do it.
Amazing. I've been telling myself to read this for awhile, but I never got 'round to it. I'm so, SO glad I did now. I haven't read ANY fanfiction in AGES and this got me reading again. Go you! xxAuthor's Response: Aw, thanks! I'm really happy that you like it.
ugh, I know what you mean! I love Harry and Ginny too much to leave them out. I think that seeing them as parents is really important to the overall plot of the story too, but you'll see that later ; )
Ahh, well you'll just have to wait for the James/OC part, I think that its obvious that James has a lot more growing up to do before he can deal with dating. And besides, the fic isn't just based around him falling in love, its about him maturing into an adult in his final year of school. But like I said, we'll get to that later.
And I completely understand the whole "friends to lovers" "haters to lovers" thing. I didn't want to do either of them. I've already stretched the "friends to lovers" as far as I can, I think that "freak/bully to...whatever" is a much more interesting basis. Especially since the Next Generation genre is kind of new and not a lot of people have written it yet. I wanted to be different lol.
I'm glad you finally decided to read my story! I hope you continue to do so! Thanks for reviewing!
Really good, again. The lack of commas is evidant, but, again, it doesn't make it unreadable. Parts seems a little rushed; you could expand.
Like : "Once again Ron and Hermione barely spoke with each other since the awkward night in the kitchen. They both desperately wanted to, but they didn't have much time as they were trying to look after the Weasley's and many other guests that arrived."
You could have shown that, instead of stating it.
E again, I think. :)
LOVE the banner, by the way. Report Review
Really well written. Sorry it's taken me soo long to review! The grammer is a bit dodgy in places, but nothing that make it even a little unreadable. Some comma's are a bit off.
I'm intrigued. I like it. Good characterization.
I'd give it an E atm, considering the grammar - that's really good, btw. I've only given a handful of people over an A :) x Report Review
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