I know I said I'd only read one chapter of long stories...But I went ahead and read it all. :D
You've got some serious potential! Your writing is amazing. I absolutely adored this story! It had all the things I loved. Oc's, Slytherins, OC pairings and sexy hunky men. :D
I couldn't possibly tell you anything wrong with your story. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar issues. (I was too absorbed in the story!)
The flow..god it's good. I can't wait until they're a bit older. Sixth year, perhaps. That's when all the juicy romance starts up, yeah?
I'm in love with Zach. The way he has to live up to his uncles expectations in order to keep his mother alive. It's such a selfless act. He had to give up the girl he potentially loved, for his mother. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ah! There is nothing to criticize! You..I can't explain it! Your storing is just..SO GOOD.Author's Response: Oh my god. Wow, my heart is beating like a hundred miles an hour right now. I didn't think it was that good! Thank you so much. I'm blown away right now.
I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Oh, wow! This completely blew me away.
I don't think I've ever read a story that I liked after less then a paragraph! I'm sorry but there is not a single thing I can help you with so far. Amazing, amazing, AMAZING. I'm a pretty hard person to please, being so god damn picky and everything (which is proven on my review board), but i genuinely LOVED this story. The characters, the flow, the description and the way Nola thinks that witchcraft is just an illusion. I'm sorry if this isn't what you were looking for in your review, but there is not a single thing wrong with this. Keep it exactly how it is.
Sexy Sev Report Review
Hmm, I like where this is going.
Although, I did find a few spelling and grammar mistakes. Missing words are the most common, as there is a few in the first couple paragraphs. Nothing too major and eye-catching, but I'm here to pick them up for you, so I did. I don't really find anything to pick on in this story. I think you've got yourself something strong and flow-y. (Is that a word? It is now. :D)
Again, the idea of Snape in a relationship has really got me excited. What can I say; I love myself some tall, dark and dorky! Even though this is my last chapter review, I will most definitely carry on reading this. I hope I gave you the tiniest bit of help. Good luck with your story!
Sexy SevAuthor's Response: Thanks for pointing that out! I will go back and fix that! Thanks so much for the reviews and I am glad you will keep reading the story! Report Review
Wow. I feel so stupid. I reviewed chapter two on the chapter one review! So just imagine that this is for one, okay?
I like the flow of the story. You haven't jumped straight into it, yet you haven't gone incredibly slow, which is good. You've wrote the characters pretty well, and the description is good (from what I remember). I like that you'd put a Slytherin in with the Gryffindors. :D It always makes things more interesting. I also like the way you've wrote the Marauders. You've captured how they're meant to be like perfectly. Keep up the good work, yeah?
8/10Author's Response: I like the drama added in with Gryffindors and Slytherins being friends. I find it hard to believe that everyone in each house hates each other. That and the conflict is fun to write! Thanks! Report Review
Okay, well I actually am quite enjoying this story so far, and will most probably continue to read and review on. : D
Although, I noticed once or twice you didn't exactly say who was speaking, which kind of confused me a little bit? Maybe I just missed it, but I thought I'd point it out. Your spelling, grammar, and all that jazz is good. I didn't pick up on any spelling mistakes. I'm pretty excited to see where Severus comes in all of this. It's got me excited. Even though you mentioned he isn't the main ship, I still love myself any story with a good Severus/oc pairing. Keep up the good work so far. : DAuthor's Response: Severus actually does become one of the main ships but a little later into the story. He is my favorite so there is no way I could leave him out! I am so glad you like the story. I'll take a look at the dialogue and fix it! Thanks so much! Report Review
Everyone does James/Oc.
You should do an oc/oc for once.Author's Response: Woo, another Freddie :D
Everyone does do James/OC so that's why I thought an OC/OC would be interesting too
xx Report Review
wow. i really love your story.
which is probably due to the fact that my favourite kind of stories are set back in the ancient history times, when king arthur & so on exsisted. (:Author's Response: Thanks! I really enjoy period pieces too; history is so fascinating to me...I couldn\\\'t help but try my hand at writing one :D
Thanks for R&R! Report Review
Okay, so I seriously love this story. Complete favourite, by far.
I love Alex & Anna in every way possible, and will be extremely annoyed with you if she ends up with Sirius.
It's so boring reading fanfiction after fanfiction where Sirius always gets the girl. I was so happy when she finally got over him. I mean, cliche' much? I swear to god if she refuses Alex's proposal.. erg!Author's Response: As refreshing as it is to hear that there's someone who roots for Anna/Alex, I ahte to break it to you, but most of the readers are Anna/Sirius shippers - including myself :D The sequel might not be your favorite, and now I have warned you :) Report Review
I was really hoping for that kiss...Author's Response: Dear sexyseverus,
Thanks! That will come soon enough...
Your Obedient Servant,
The Phantom Report Review
Why must you make fun of Frank? I hear he was lovely back in Hogwarts...
Wait. Nobody knows you make fun of Frank. Only me because I'm special. :DAuthor's Response: Gee, thanks, P. Flaunting your connections much? Lmao. But who said nice guys can't have laugh-worthy features? Alice'll love him anyway, because JK said it was so =)
'Sides, he is lovely, because I wouldn't give my little Alice any less. Or I hope he is...I intend for him to be.
x Report Review
I can't wait until Elliot and Madddie totally get together. :DAuthor's Response: In some...cheesily horrendous scene? Me either, to be honest. I get urges to type quick snog scenes in halls, but you know, Maddy'd never forgive me.
Later on though, maybe she will?
i love elliot.
he makes me cream.Author's Response: If he existed, I couldn't bare to let you have him. lol. He's up there with Gilbert, above my ape-as you so eloquently call him. Ape's still in third you know.
Cream away, there'll be more of him soon. You'll read it the minute it's readable. =)
I'm off to comment, aren't I P? Yes. You're beautiful, that's what.
why is your writing so amazing?Author's Response: Because I've charmed you into thinking so with my...er, wand? Insert a wink about here, a laugh, and an 'Aww, P!'
You're a doll, you are, you are.
xx Report Review
Hmmf. I really like Henry. Hes by far my favourite character. It really sucks for me to know that yet again, Sirius gets the girl. Bleck I'm starting to really hate Sirius. o: I think Henry should get her. Sheesh.
Love your story, totaly my favourite. (: Report Review
This story is wonderful. =]
Can't wait to see moreee. Author's Response: wow thank you very much ^_^ I am currently writing chapter 4, so it should be up soon!
x Report Review
This story is still my favourite. =3
Even if you...deleted it.. -.-
Petey. =3 Report Review
Okay. Well it's a nice story, and I like where it's going. However, you need to work on your description, as it makes it easier for us to imagine, and also makes the chapters much longer.
It's pretty original, as I've never read a fanfic about a sister of Peter. Hope to see more of this story writen soon. =]
And this is my favourite quote; “What?” Charli mocked. “Protecting your mummy’s virtue?”
-PeteyAuthor's Response: Like I said in my response to lyramoon, I have a discription prob. I'm working on it--and I'd like to thank you for pointing it out to me. Thanks for the fave quote. I like to know what people get out of this.
Thanks for reviewing!!!!
Mini Marauder Report Review
Okay. This story was actually very well writen.
Good flow and characterizations.
I know you said that you wanted CC, but I don't have anything wrong with it to point out! D;
You asked for your favourite quote. =P
'A blush formed across Severus’ face as he looked at Lily and whispered softly, “That you’re…you’re a witch.” Lily gasped.
“That’s not a very nice thing to say about someone!” she exclaimed. Swiftly she turned towards her sister and marched off with her nose in the air. '
Author's Response: Thank you for the awesome review!!! I love that you liked it! :-D Yayayay. lol Report Review
Okay. Well, I enjoyed this story very much, although I would of liked it better if you put what the hat was thinking. xD
Next to no grammar and spelling issues, and a lowly flow.
Characterisation was good as far as I can tell.
Keep up the good work. =]
-PeteyAuthor's Response: Hey, thanks for your review!
The thing is, Sirius was not really paying attention to whatever the Hat was saying. And the Hat probably noticed that he wasn't listening, so it just kept silent and then shouted out a random House name XD But point taken.
Thanks so much! Report Review
Okay, the story has a good flow to it. =]
I started reading it last week, but it didn't really tickle my fancy, but since you requested a review I thought I'd read it all, and turns out I enjoyed it.
You should try deleting some of the spacing between paragraphs, and joining some together, as it gets a tad annoying.
Few grammar and spelling errors.
Overall good job. =] I added it to my favourites and all. xD
-Petey.Author's Response: Wow! Thanks alot XD
I didn't realise there is any more mistakes though. I'll have a scan though.
I'm glad you didn't judge this book by its cover *winks* Report Review
In all honesty, I didn't think I'd enjoy this story, as the hate Hogwarts Era. But I can say I honestly, and thoroughly enjoyed it! =D
Even though it's kind of clear Mel and Roger will get together.. I wouldn't mind seeing Eddie and Mel together a bit, as he seems..I don't know.. right. xD
Keep up with the great story, love! =] Report Review
Ah. I was hoping a story like this would come out.
I've read your The Fires Within story, numerous times I might add, and I've always been kind of curious as to what went on between the Professors. This has actually been quite enlightening!
I didn't see any errors, which I didn't expect, as you've got such beautiful work. And your decription was lovely.
I love the character Grimm, and was actually quite upset when he..er..unfortunately dropped dead. xD Anyways, keep on writing this story, as it's quite interesting!
-Always your avid reader, Sexyseverus.Author's Response: Haha, it's great that people were hoping for a story like this - it certainly was the only interesting subplot from TFW, and of course Grimm is my favourite OC. :D Thanks so very much for reviewing, sexyseverus. I really appreciate hearing from you! ^_^ Report Review
Your last chapter was..beautiful..
It made me cry. =]Author's Response: thank you so much! No, no crying! I am crying too much for everyone. thanks!!! Report Review
Okay, hopefully this review will show. =]
I find this story highly interesting, and I'd be sure to recomend it to anyone who ask.
Your writing style is fairly intriguing, along with your descriptions of character.
I love that you havn't made your character a cliche Mary-Sue with perfect hair, eyes, teeth, body, lifestyle and all that, and that she has obvious flaws; including that temper of hers that got her a detention.
Overall, fantastic story! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, and have even added it to my ever-growing favourites list!
Great job, love. I find that I can't find a single thing to critisize.. =D
-PETEY.Author's Response: Hi there Petey, and thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I'm terribly sorry it has taken me so long to respond, but on my defense RL has been a mess...
I'm so thrilled to hear you liked our piece here, especially the fact you found Morgan realistic and believable warms my heart ^^
Thank you so much for the favourites list-nomination, and I can only hope you'll stick with us when we update again ^^
Thanks again for reading and reviewing! Report Review
That was good, honestly.
I've never been one for action, but I can actualy say I thoroughly enjoyed it.
It gives off a good vibe, and leaves the reader wanting more.
For example; Who exactly -is- Dirk?
What do you mean 'Just another day's work'?
You had plently of decription, which is a magor plus for me. And the flow was fine as it was.
Overall, you did a fairly impressing job, and I'm sure that your writing will get even better. =]
-Aphrodite.Author's Response: thanks a ton sexyseverus/aphrodite. Im glad you liked it and thought the descriptions and flow were good, I was worring about that. I hope you stay with it and read on :) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection