Good job. Good Sunday morning reading material. My homework will have to wait till tonight.Author's Response: Thank you for the review...I also love reading fan fiction on Sundays. ;-) Report Review
You probably don't need me to tell you how good this chapter is...Author's Response: aww, thanks, dear! Report Review
Very funny! I was sad, but then I decided to read this story and I was happy! I like your poem at the end!Author's Response: I love to make people happy! Thanks for checking out my story, I appreciate it, dear! Report Review
Wow... I just laughed my butt off! Nice job! I haven't laughed my butt of in ages...Author's Response: Excellent to hear! (as long as you can re-attatch your butt at some point in time..). thanks for the review!! Report Review
I think that your story was witty and amusing. But I think the story, altogether, would have been stronger and easier to read if the words and sentences did not create as much rhythm and shock. For example, when James is daydreaming about his future wedding, he states, â€śI pretend to go in for a slow, romantic kiss, but then Iâ€™m all like, â€śIâ€™m outtie, suckas!â€ť and I give Lily a big fat kiss on the lips and sheâ€™s all, â€śOh James!â€ť and Padfoot tosses me my racing broom and we hop on it and fly out of the church or wherever the hell we get married, and all the people back in the church or whatever are like, â€śOh snap, this is the sickest wedding Iâ€™ve ever been to!â€ť (Paragraph Thirty-Eight). I know that it is important to have your individual voice in the story, but sometimes it is harder for the readers to focus on events when various words or phrases (for instance: â€śsuckas,â€ť â€śOh snap!â€ť or â€śsickestâ€ť) rob the story of its evenness.
Also keep in mind that you are writing from Jamesâ€™ point of view. James lives in England, not New York City (Please donâ€™t take that comment the wrong way. I did not mean it in a culturally cruel way).
In conclusion, I would like to add that I did laugh several times.Author's Response: Thank you for your honest review! I'm sorry if the story was in any way difficult to read, but I wanted it to sound like the stream of consciousness of a teenage boy with ADD. I usually don't write run-on sentences like the example, but to try to make the first person perspective more authentic, I wanted to use bad grammar (if that makes any sense). I also recognize that my choice of language was pretty ridiculous, and I tried to make this story as accurate as I could, but I suppose as a New Yorker who came of age in the 2000's, I am inherently going to make linguistic mistakes when assuming the voice of a Briton who came of age in the 1970's. I really, really appreciate your criticisms and will consider them in my future writing, but the only purpose of this one-shot was simple entertainment and I did not write it to be perfect. I'm glad you found it funny, though! That's all I ever really wanted. Report Review
Please, Please, Pleazee Please tell me that you are going to finish Lindsay! I lurve your stories!! Your stories are like oreos! You take one tiny nibble, and you have to eat ten more!!!Author's Response: LOL!!! well if you are going to compare my little stories to the magic that is a oreo then i shall HAVE to finish!
nah really, i am writing the next chapter like right now. (well not right now coz i cant type 2 things simultaneously but you know... its open and i was writing and i plan to go to it too...)
mmm... oreo.... Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection