Reading Reviews From Member: Pookha
  
211 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PookhaHurricane Luna: They Meet in a Tree

19th January 2015:
So I'll start with your headcanon for Rolf; T.J. Thyne. He's not my first choice (I picture Rolf as very large and Viking-looking, more like Zakk Wylde), but I love the choice and I can see the Rolf in your story looking like this. Great faceclaim for Rolf.

As someone who writes Luna a lot myself, I think you got her characterization right on the money. So many people make her too strange or not strange enough and then she's flat or not understandable or relatable. You got her spot-on.

Her eagerness to help and learn often exceeds her skill, but she learns quickly and she's willing to listen to people, but if they don't agree with her worldview, she will think about it then dismiss it if it's not correct to her. You capture that well here with her stubbonness about the birds.

I really liked Luna watching him for days in the trees before announcing her prescence. I've already read the other chapters and hope to review them soon.

Author's Response: Hey there!

Haha - So, SO many people comment on TJ! Thanks for the compliment about Luna - I can't wait to read some of your work with her in it!

Thanks again - I'd love to hear what you think about how this story develops!

♥ Beth


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Review #2, by PookhaFeel Alive: Feel Alive

14th January 2015:
Ron/Hermione is one of those relationships that either love or hate it seems. I really like the canon pairing and understand where they come from.

Ron does make her FEEL, that's why they're such a good pairing. The sisterly love that Hermione feels for Harry is so different from what she feels for Ron. It's so much deeper for her. Yes, he's not as smart as she is and yes, he's inconsiderate; but, he does love her as she is and that counts for a lot.

My headcanon has their marriage solid as a rock, with these little things never threatening it or causing more friction than exasperation, and that seems to be what you have here.

A great little insight into Hermione's feelings for Ron.

I loved it.

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Review #3, by PookhaStating My Independence: Stating my Independence

12th January 2015:
While this goes against my headcanon and JKR canon, I quite enjoyed the AUness of it. This is what fanfic is about; finding the 'what ifs' and using them to make an interesting story.

This is a good character study of Draco and it shows the side of him that is willing to change, the side that wouldn't betray Harry to the Snatchers at Malfoy Manor in DH. This is the sort of Draco where we can see humanity.

I really liked the way he steeled himself to leave his mother especially. I truly can see this Draco having a hard time cutting the maternal bonds (but not the paternal ones).

A very nice character study.

Author's Response: Thank you. I wanted to explore Draco a little more with this story and hopefully justify his actions and show him making a change. I feel it was his fathers control which dictated much of his decisions. Without him ruling his life, I believe he'd be a different person...still driven, cunning and devious, but not quite so ready to follow a murderer.

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Review #4, by PookhaRiddikulus: Riddikulus

7th January 2015:
I really enjoyed this story. Minerva's Boggart being the dead from the Battle makes so much sense to me. The biggest thing that I enjoyed here is that Winky is shown being redeemed and active at Hogwarts instead of moping about in misery.

I will say that she should have known it was lying for sure when Fred accused her. She had to know that Fred wouldn't have thought she hated them. Boggarts are great at really pulling the emotional strings.

Very nicely written.

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Review #5, by PookhaBroken: i. a broken lavender

5th January 2015:
I really enjoyed finding this story. It's good to see someone giving Lavender her chance. I'm currently writing a Dudley/Lavender story that has some similar themes (Lavender with PTSD), so it was good to see someone with like thoughts.

You handled the self-harm and other sensitive subjects with aplomb and care. I really liked the tender relationship between Lav and Parvati.

So many students at Hogwarts have to have PTSD, but it's a subject that often gets ignored.

Really well written and evocative.

Author's Response: Hello, thank you so much for the read and review! I'm definitely not the first to give Lavender the attention she deserves but she's so underwritten and it's such a shame because I think she's an incredibly interesting character.

I'd garner a guess at saying the majority of students suffered from some level of PTSD after the war but you're right, in general quite an ignored fact.

Thanks so much for the feedback. Also, I feel I'll be checking your Lav/Dudley story very soon - I can't wait! :D

xo


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Review #6, by PookhaI see trees of green, red roses too: I see trees of green, red roses too

4th January 2015:
A wonderful story. I liked the way that Ron subtly falls in love with Hermione more and more over time. Toasts at weddings are always awkward and you captured that great.

It's nice to see a characaterization of Fleur that doesn't just make her a cliche. I also like your characterizations of Ron and Harry.

Author's Response: I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Thanks for the review.

-Georgia


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Review #7, by PookhaTwo Earthly Kingdoms: To Anger a God

3rd January 2015:
Orpheus in the underworld with Snape as Orpheus and Voldy-baby as Hades. An interesting take on Snape's tale and one I thoroughly enjoyed.

The lyrical style is almost like proesie, some of the best of Baudelaire, like 'Les fleurs du mal.' It evokes a mood, which is as important to this story as the plot. Beautiful and moving.

Author's Response: Hey there - thanks so much for stopping by! :)

Yeah, I just loved the idea of Snape fitting into that role - it's an incredibly tragic role, which fits his character, even if not completely, and it meant there was a lot of space for other characters to fit into it too. I'm so glad you liked it - I know Greek Mythology isn't exactly everyone's cup of tea :P

Wow, thank you so much! I've read enough Baudelaire to know what that means, so thank you so so much! :) I really enjoying writing this, making all the connections and the links (even if it was pretty hard), so I'm so happy some of that came through :)

Thank you so much for the lovely review - it was such a great surprise! :)

Aph xx


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Review #8, by PookhaA Deception: To Deceive

3rd January 2015:
Well, this is quality writing. Beautifully evocative and subtle. It gives the proper feeling of Andromeda, haughty and proud, but still unsure of herself at the same time.

Appearances are just as important to her as reality and she knows it. Her ability to see within herself really rounds out her personality and adds to her relationship with Ted.

At first, I thought she was too cold, but I began to understand her better as you went on with the story. It's good to see Bella as someone who was a sister, and not just as a mad Death Eater. It's something that people often forget to do with Bella; which is to give her life.

It's also interesting how her tale parallels Sirius's a bit with running away to escape. Always good to see the minor characters get some love.

Author's Response: Hey there! Thank you so much for dropping by! :)

Gah, thank you so much! I'm so glad you like it - it was something I wrote on a complete whim, so I was nervous about posting it and how it would go down... so thank you so much! :)

I really wanted to bring out the more pureblood side of her, and explore the idea that maybe it wasn't just for love, or something 'good' that she ran away. I loved turning round the more typical presentation of her, by making her colder towards Ted, and making her more friendly with her family, more fond of them than normal.

Yeah, I liked making a kind of connection to Sirius running away, since I always liked seeing them as similar things, and having similar ideals behind it. I do love minor characters! :P

Thank you so much for the lovely review! It was so great to get! :)

Aph xx


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Review #9, by Pookha19 years: Year 1: The First Day

21st December 2014:
No language errors that I noticed, and I'm fairly strict that way. It's so nice to come back to HPFF and find quality fanfic still lives.

This is one of the best stories I've read in a while and it's so nice to see someone trying to stay canon while telling a missing moments story. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Author's Response: That's good to hear. And wow, thank you so, so much for all your kind words. I'm thrilled to hear you're enjoying it that much so far, and will keep my fingers crossed that you'll continue to :) Thank you again!

xx


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Review #10, by PookhaAshes of Dust: The Constant Vigil

18th February 2011:
This is beautiful. I love your style in this piece. You capture their emotions wonderfully, especially Helen's. They have a very real and complicated family dynamic and it directly gives the reader a view of what made Alastor what he is.

I can see the line from here to Mad-Eye. His monomania and paranoia are very well drawn out by you. I wish I could write in this style; you are beautifully evocative in your ability to be poignant without being cloying or over-the-top.

A very rare 10/10 from me.

Author's Response: This review has left me speechless - it's absolutely fantastic to hear that you think so highly of this story. When writing it, I was uncertain about the simplicity of Helen's memories and emotions - it's very everyday, which I don't usually deal with, so I really stripped away metaphor and description to find something surprisingly moving. It's not my usual style, either, I think I'm trying to say in a feeble way, but I am very pleased to hear that you liked it.

For once, I'd wanted to write a growing up story that didn't include grand tragedy or sweeping drama, but that was fairly normal (for the wizarding world, of course). I'm glad you could see the themes of paranoia and watchfulness slowly emerging in the young Alastor, especially inspired by his mother's warnings. His childhood and adolescence set him on the road to becoming Mad-Eye - the war with Voldemort ends up being the figurative straw that broke the camel's back for him.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this story. I really appreciate hearing any opinion from you, and that your opinion on this story was so favourable only makes it better. ^_^


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Review #11, by PookhaFighting Is Perfection: Fighting is What we Do

26th June 2010:
Well, first of all, I want to say that I have a quite different view of Ron and Hermione. But, that's what I love about fanfic, I can find a piece written from another view and find things to enjoy about it.

What I love about this piece is the dialogue driven story. The dialogue really makes this story shine. Ginny's character was minor in the story, but the way she speaks makes her character come alive.

Ron's and Hermione's characterisations through the dialogue were very good, too. I can totally hear Ron speaking his lines and Hermione's responses to them.

Some people might tell you that there's a lack of description in this story, but I would urge you not to listen to them. It's rare to find a story that leaves the descriptions up to the reader so the reader can picture the scenes. What I mean is, if you add too much description to this story, the wonderful dialogue would take a back-seat.

Author's Response: I am really intrigued about how you view Ron and Hermione. I felt that the dialogue would be most important and in the forefront with Ron and Hermione. I'm not exactly sure why, I just felt it had to be that way.

I am very glad you liked the characterizations. I mostly write Next-Gen because I am deathly afraid of writing a character we all know and love and not being able to do them justice.

Thank you for your kind review!
:)BaletGir


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Review #12, by PookhaFinally Got It Right: Part Three

7th May 2010:
Xeno is slowly realising that the Muggle girlfriend just isn't right for him and you do a great job showing that slow realization as she rejects him. Capria's a much better fit.

I find it interesting that Capria was a fan of Xeno's before she met him. That makes the relationship a bit more interesting and more likely than just a chance meeting and it's a great bit of imagination from you. It makes Capria a more interesting character and gives her a bit of more real feel.

Again, I love your characterisations of Xeno and Capria and we can see the growing attraction between the two of them. They are learning that they're soul-mates

The scene with the two of them releasing the animal from the trap was brilliant and perfect for the two of them to bond over.

Author's Response: He's becoming more and more aware as the story goes on, yet not losing his dreamy quality. I definitely think this is progress. (:

Glad you liked that detail! I imagine Capria to be quirky enough to read silly little nature magazines. So, I had to add it. It just seemed so... quaint to me. Perfect.

Ah, yes. The animal in its cage. That image was one of the first that came to me, back when the story was just a vague idea in the back of my mind. I loved writing it.

Thank you again!


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Review #13, by PookhaFinally Got It Right: Part Two

1st May 2010:
I really enjoyed this chapter as well. We see so much more of Xeno's personality here. I love the way the he moons a bit over his girlfriend, but then moves on when something else catches his eye. He really seemed ill-matched with her. I could picture his unsaid past conversations when he tried to explain wizards to her.

I also really like the way that people react favorably to Xeno. He's a very likeable, but eccentric character and you show that with his actions and people's reactions very well.

Capria's characterisation is very well-done. She's intriguing, but strange and you can just picture her passing that on to her daughter. The scene with the spider web really got my attention, since I love spider webs covered in rain or dew. They're beautiful and says a lot about Capria that she can see that.

While very minor in this chapter, I enjoyed Astrelius, too. He's very caring about his brother, but still determined to live his own life.

The potion draws my interest, because I always had the idea that Luna was good at potions, but never precisely followed the recipes, which would have driven Snape mad.

One last thing. Often in fanfic, I see the author making the characters too pretty or charming and that's not the case here. We see two realistic characters with flaws, but also with redeeming qualities. They feel human and not carboard cutouts. Bravo for defying stereotypes of fanfic.

Author's Response: Ah! Your reviews are just fantastic!

Yes, they are very unmatched. Yet the strange this is, Xeno doesn't really seem to see it. He's content to just go along with it, without knowing why. Oh, Xeno.

He is likeable, despite his eccentricities. I think it's because he can be so clueless. It's kind of adorable. (: But he's also just a nice guy. Really, he wouldn't hurt a fly.

I added the potion bit because all we really know about Luna's mom is that she liked to experiment with magic. Now, I know it was a spell gone awry that killed her... but I figured, hey, if she's experimenting with spells, she's probably experimenting with other facets of magic as well. Why not potions! So it's her own concoction, an experimental stuttering remedy that may or may not work.

What a compliment! Thank you! I strive to make my characters real, and through doing that, fall in love with them (an author/character relationship is so rewarding - and now I sound like a mad person! haha). I appreciate you saying that they feel human.

Again, thank you!


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Review #14, by PookhaFinally Got It Right: Part One

30th April 2010:
I really like this chapter of the story. I think you capture Xenophilius very well. It says a lot about him that he doesn't like to waste time, but doesn't consider the time he spent cloud-watching while waiting for the pain to pass to be wasted. What's important to him isn't necessarily what would be important to another, but he's not crazy, just eccentric.

I really enjoyed Capria's characterisation as well. You can see traces of Luna in both her parents and you can see the sort of woman, who while plain has a great sense of being comfortable with who she is.

When I look at them together, I see a sort of destiny that draws them nearer and I can tell that's what you're going for in the writing.

I must say that I don't think the addition of the Muggle girlfriend did much. Her character is so one-dimensional that I have a hard time seeing what Xeno saw in her. Maybe like most guys, he could still have his head turned by a pretty face.

Overall, I really enjoyed the story, and knowing where it's going to come out in the end doesn't detract from being interested in the story.

The addition of Xeno's brother, Astrelius also helped to round out Xeno's character. He's good to have a brother that understands and supports his writing.

I've already read the next two chapters, and as I re-read them, I'll review them. I was glad to get a story to review on the review exchange that I had already favourited to read.

Author's Response: Pookha! So so sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this. But I hope you know I really appreciate you taking the time to review! So thank you.

Wow, great catch there! Yes, he does consider his daydreaming time well spent. His priorities are a bit different than those of other people, which may or may not be a weakness. We'll see. ;)

Thank you for bringing the Muggle girlfriend up. Yes, I did want her to be somewhat one-dimensional, and for reasons that aren't apparent until later chapters. Although, when the story is done and I re-read and make edits, I may work on her character a bit. You're not the first to point that out, and I wonder if I what I had in mind is coming across.

So glad you enjoy Astrelius and Xeno's interaction. I didn't want Xeno to live entirely alone, even though he is a loner character, so a sibling seemed perfect, especially one who encourages him in his somewhat eccentric pursuits. There just aren't enough people like that in the world.

Again, thank you. I really appreciate all you've said!


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Review #15, by PookhaSocks.: No socks?

28th April 2010:
This is super cute and fluffy and worthy of my challenge. I enjoyed reading it very much.

I apologize that it took me a while to get this review in. The real world is definitely not 12-.

I rally like the way the mystery of the missing socks is set up and that Vicky calls Teddy 'Teddy Bear.'

This was a wonderful, cute little story and it fit the challenge very well. Thanks for taking it up.

Author's Response: hahahaha...thanks!

I'm sorry for the delay in responding, and I must agree. The real world is definitely not 12-. Ugh.

Your challenge was so much fun. The whole 12- joke was a blast, and I really couldnt resist getting into the spirit with a story. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I have tons of free time now, so i may get around to updating it soon.

Thanks again for the review!!



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Review #16, by PookhaHarry Potter and Making Friends in Cupcake Land: Harry Potter in Cupcake Land

28th April 2010:
I promised I would review each of the stories from my challenge; sorry it took me so long to get to it.

I really like this; it has the wacky, weird parts and just funny parts. The sparkly vampire bat just cracked me up; should have named it Edward (lol).

I also liked the ending very much with DD talking about Cupcake land. This is a very different take on the Battle of the Department of Mysteries and I enjoyed it very much.

I'm always a fan of original, silly songs and yours is wonderful. Great job on this story.

Author's Response: Thank you very, VERY much! This was my first only-humor story and I wasn't quite sure if I didn't go over the top with it.

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Review #17, by PookhaFull Circle: Full Circle

9th April 2010:
I will state first off that the story's written in a style that I don't personally care for, but it shows that style very well and I think you hit the mark on what you were going for.

It's very well written grammatically, which is always a joy to find with fanfic.

The strength of this story lies in its portrayal of a heart-rended Andromeda, trying to reconnect with her estranged family. It rings true and it feels right. I particularly like the scene with Andromeda and Narcissa as girls when Narcissa receives the necklace. It seems very sisterly to me from before the familial rift.

I also like that Bella is mentioned, but not shown. Her outright cruelty would have jarred with the style of the story.

A very good story of a family that's had problems, but is still a family.

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Review #18, by PookhaWe Both Go Down Together: all the way down

25th March 2010:
The link you gave when you requested the review pointed to a different story, but I reviewed the one you named rather than the one you linked to.

Since you specifically asked about sentence structure and grammar, I'll start there. Yes, there are a number of awkward, strange sentences in the story and there is some strange grammar, but it generally adds to the mood you're trying to set. What I mean is that poor grammar is sometimes distracting from the story, but in this case it doesn't distract from the story. I do believe that with a beta who fits your style, and one who concentrates on grammar rather than style, you could improve this even more.

I thought the heart-rending meeting between Albus and Gellert was very well done and it rang true to the heart-break that people feel when meeting a past love who's done them wrong.
The tension was palpable and you made the reader feel as if he were in the room with them watching them; fascinated and uncomfortable at the same time.

It's not boring and the ending is very satisfying because it ties into what we know of Albus' personality and what he did later in his life. This helps to explain a lot of why Albus delayed before finally confronting Gellert. Personally, I don't think they actually duelled; I think Albus convinced Gellert that he was going down the wrong path (think Luke turning his father back in SW).

Overall, a very moving and interesting piece.

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Review #19, by PookhaEsperanza: She Will Wait

28th February 2010:
I love drabbles and short pieces, especially when they are as well done as this. A lot of people will tell you that you can't write a coherent story in 500 words, but they're wrong. You do a beautiful job setting the tone of this story with the descriptions of the seascape and how they relate to Teddy.

The flow of the story seems very natural and the descriptions that you use are simple but powerful. I like the ending, as well. It's really left up to the reader to decide whether or not take it at face value. Did Teddy really die on the water, or is it just metaphor for what Rose is feeling? You do a good job showing ambiguity there.

I can't say a lot about development, because that's one thing that a drabble doesn't do well, but it does catch a snapshot of a moment in time.

This was a very nice read and I even overcame my aversion to second-person writing. Usually I find it experimental and off-putting. I think the reason I could tolerate it here was because it was short and beautifully described.

Author's Response: I love drabbles and short pieces too! It's not that common to find someone who does actually. I'm glad you think this was done well :D. All of the participants in this challenge have proved that 500 words is enough to form a coherent story

Thank you! I try never to overdo it on descriptions, otherwise I find my stories have no substance whatsover (although they still seem to go that way).

In my mind, Teddy did drown, and I wrote it with that as the backstory. It could be interpreted any way you want though.

Yeah, second person can be a lot to take sometimes. It is very experimental, but it's the way this story came out.

Thank you so much, this review made my day! :D


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Review #20, by PookhaShot in the Dark: Shot in the Dark

16th February 2010:
Wow! Easily the best of the stories for my challenge and a wonderful stand-alone story. You capture Colin's essence very well. We see the side of him that wants to document and know what's going on and the side of him that wants to expose the DEs to support Harry. He's very much like the small dog in the cartoons that's always bugging the bulldog that he idolizes. It's idolatry out of love.

I was particularly moved by the way he discovered and recovered Fred's body so it wouldn't be discovered by anyone else. You also captured me with the other minor characters all playing a supporting part and being worried about Colin, but also supportive him; he made his choice to stay and they understand that, even if they don't fully understand his reasoning.

As far as I can tell, you do a wonderful job staying canon with it as well. Your writing is beautiful, impeccable and perfectly descriptive. I truly believe you are one of the best writers on the site; don't doubt your talent.

Looking at this another way, it's a large action scene that you wrote without the action being repetitive or boring; something that's harder to do than most people take credit for.

As you know I enjoy your work immensely and now I must go and write for your 'Four Seasons' challenge.

Author's Response: Thank you very much, Pookha. As you know, I enjoy your work as well. :-D

I am so pleased you found the action in this piece to come off all right. I've never written an action sequence before, and I struggled immensely! The biggest problem was having Colin near the action but enough apart from it to document it. In my initial draft, Colin didn't cast a single spell, did not speak to a single person, and did not even have a spell cast at him until his death. I completely scrapped that version and started over--more than once.

I have to credit Jackson Robles for giving me the impetus to finish this . . . I asked him how he writes action, and he said something like, "You'll be fine. Just plan it out." I already knew what pictures I wanted Colin to take, but after re-reading the battle scene a few times and taking notes, I had a much better idea of the timeline and feeling of the battle, and everything fell into place.

There were two things consistent among my numerous drafts: the idea of Colin taking 24 pictures and Colin finding Fred. I just fed off the emotion JKR created already. I used minor canon characters for a few reasons. One, it's easy. Two, Colin's photographs take on greater significance if the readers are familiar with their subjects. Three, viewing Colin through the lens of other characters (pun intended) gives greater depth and understanding to his character.

I'm pleased Colin's characterization came off convincingly, as I struggled with it also. For the purpose of this story, he had to have a more serious agenda, consistent with having died in battle, yet it's impossible to ignore the "small dog" side of him.

I've practically written another one-shot in response, so I'll be quiet now. Thank you again for reviewing (and issuing the challenge--it was truly a challenge for me and very inspiring!) and for all your lovely compliments.


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Review #21, by PookhaPhoto: Photo

16th February 2010:
I loved this story. You captured one of my favourite scenes in the books with Colin's last picture. I was reading DH late in the evening and almost woke up my wife when I got to the scene where Neville cut off Nagini's head, so to see it captured as the final picture in the story moved me.

I can feel Harry's emotion as he looks through the pictures and it feels just right to me. It always amazes me when someone captures good emotion in a short piece. You do a good job showing Colin's personality through Harry's reminiscences.

Beautiful and moving.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! This plot bunny hit me as soon as I read your challenge, and I worked really hard to make it just right, so I'm really pleased that it went over so well :]

I really don't know what else to say! I'm pleasantly stunned with your review! Thanks so much! :D


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Review #22, by PookhaDancing Lessons: Dancing Lessons.

10th November 2009:
It's always good to see author's who don't always take the subject matter so siriusly. A good, strange, but funny story is always welcome. I haven't watched AVPM, but from this story, I could picture the song.

I was very amused by this and it lifted my spirits a bit. I've not been feeling great lately, so a new story from one of my fave authors is always a good mood lightener.

As always, your stories are well-edited grammatically and well written.

Thank you for brightening my day. :)

Author's Response: Sirius subject matter? Pshaw! Yep, this is about as far from serious (I almost spelled that "sirious") as you can get. The whole point was to be silly. I'm so glad you found it funny. I myself thought it was funny, but . . . you know. Sometimes we find ourselves a lot more amusing than anyone else finds us.

The "Shall We Dance" song is nowhere to be found in AVPM, though Voldy is a tap-dancer (and he has a Death Eater kickline!) in it. The song just seemed appropriate to the subject matter. I originally had this as a songfic, but copyright issues = TOS violation, obviously, so I had to change it.

I am a bit of a stickler for grammar. Heck, I'm only human like everyone else, but grammar comes easily to me. I've got to give a nod to Weasley_Twin_Mom for correcting my spelling of "Quirrell" though.

Thank YOU, pookha, for brightening MY day with a review and kind words! :-)


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Review #23, by PookhaAfrican Violets: How it Happened

2nd October 2009:
I'll be honest; the story was so gripping and moving that I didn't notice the two different times. You did a very good job of keeping the present tense in the main part with the past tense in the flashback parts. It was seamless and easy to read. I normally find present tense reading to be distracting, but you did it very well and it gives your story an immediateness (if I can coin a word).

I had figured it to be a Neville/Hannah before I was too far in and I loved your descriptions of the way he would potter (pun) in the garden and she would watch him. This is sort of the reverse of what I do with my wife; I watch her in the garden; of course she has roses, not a venomous tentacula (or whatever killed him, I suspect a hybrid he was creating, a la Hagrid).

You do a very good job of showing that Hannah's barely keeping her emotions in check. The reader gets the feeling that one more little thing and she could break. Wonderful emotion and great prose.

If this isn't a featured story for this challenge, I'll eat my hat.

It also seems like you write the part about sitting by a bedside waiting for a loved one to die from experience as it rings so true. I have experienced something like it, so I can say it with certainty.

Beautiful, heart-rending and it makes this old man a bit weepy.

Author's Response: I believe you are aware of my general distrust of flashbacks. Therefore, it was with reluctance that I used them in my own story, because I wasn't sure I'd be good enough to pull it off. I tried a few other ways of telling the story, but I kept running into the same problem: there were events I wanted to describe as happening now and events I wanted to describe as happening in the past.

I really wanted what is the beginning (the men at the door) to be the beginning, but I couldn't make it work without a flashback. So I figured I might as well embrace it and try to weave the two parts together. I'm gratified to hear it came across well to you. Present tense writing can be difficult to read, but I do like the sense of immediacy (though immediateness is a fine word too) it imparts.

I'm so glad you commented about Hannah barely keeping her emotions in check! That is precisely what I wished to convey. After all, the funeral was the day before yesterday, so her grief is still very raw.

Yes, Neville was breeding hybrids a la Hagrid, although we may never know if he bred this one on purpose or if it mixed itself while he was incapacitated. I actually pictured the Tentacula crossing with a fanged geranium, but I couldn't find an appropriate place to slip that in.

I'm relieved the bedside part rang true for you. I actually have never experienced it firsthand, so I was quite worried about it. I wanted to be honest, respectful, and realistic without being overly sentimental.

Thank you very much for such a detailed review. I respect your opinion a lot.


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Review #24, by PookhaSunday Morning: Chapter 2

13th September 2009:
For me, the best part of this chapter was the conversation between Yaxley and Travers. It really set up that there's dissension in the ranks of the DEs. I could easily picture that conversation happening exactly as you wrote it. I think you have a good ear for what makes dialogue sound real. Your dialogue never seemed forced or stilted.

James and Aidan have a predilection for action and it's perfectly in character for both of them as Gryffindors. I was glad to see Aidan be a bit more confident in himself in this chapter. I see that James has a bit of Harry's overconfidence as well. He should have sent as many letters as he could to lots of different recipients. This is an important insight into him; he's brave, a bit reckless and not always able to see the long run; a lot like his dad, in other words.

I also really liked the scene with the DEs asking for new recruits that they obviously are planning to use a shock troops or distractions. Again, you have given them very real motivations for what they're doing, even though we don't know exactly why they're there.

Also, again a very well-edited and well-written chapter. It was a joy to read and I would be happy to review more. Feel free to re-request when my review thread opens up again.

Author's Response: Again, sorry this response took so long!

The conversation between the two was originally going to have a much bigger part than it ended up having, but the idea between it was, yeah, that there is going to be some dissension in the ranks. Not everyone is going to like Rodolphus being in charge because he's no Voldemort. James' recklessness can get him into some trouble, and it certainly does in this particular situation. He is a lot like Harry. The main difference is he doesn't have his dad's luck. Again, thank you for reviewing and giving me feedback! I appreciate it! Thanks again!


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Review #25, by PookhaSunday Morning: Chapter 1

13th September 2009:
Sorry for how long it took me to get to this review. Real life has been quite hectic lately.

Firstly, it's an extremely well-edited chapter with no typos, misspellings or glaring grammatical errors that I could spot. It's nice to read something that the author obviously cares enough about to ensure readability.

I found James and Aidan to be very likeable and interesting characters. James is obviously more brave than Aidan, but Aidan is a Gryffindor as well, so I think we'll see more from him later. I like the way you started the story with Aidan trying to get James out of bed. It immediately established their friendship and the quality of their friendship.

I found it slightly strange that no one from the attackers had checked the Gryffindor dormitories, but it didn't bother me much as they couldn't have possibly checked everywhere.

The scene with the professor being 'gunned down' on the base of the stairs was especially well done, IMHO. It showed the DEs would brook no opposition and that they were there for a specific purpose.

I must admit that when I started, I was confused because I missed that it was Next-Gen and thought it was Harry's dad. I quickly realised my error when I saw how old the DEs were; I really should learn to read the summaries better first, lol.

This looks like the great beginning to an interesting action/adventure type story. Very nicely done.

Author's Response: Wow, I am SO sorry that I took so long to get to this! Geez, it's been months.

I'm a bit of a spelling and grammar nut, so I hope all of that looks good! Otherwise it would bug me quite a bit to know that I made a mistake. My reasoning behind not checking the dormitories was, firstly, I assumed they couldn't even get in them. A few chapters later and I realized that the only thing standing between them and the Gryffindors is a portrait, so that was rather poor logic but... whatever. XD Anyway, the Death Eaters weren't concerned about getting everyone in the castle. That was the main reasoning behind it. Yeah. Thank you for the compliments, thanks for reviewing, and I'm glad you liked it! Again, sorry it took so long for me to get to replying!


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