Hi there! Here for your reviews and can I firstly apologise for the delay!
You have lovely descriptions throughout and a really nice plot here :) It's a lovely snippet into every day life at the castle and I thought it was a really sweet piece of writing. Your characterisation, especially that of Slughorn, was spot on throughout :)
The interaction with Potter and Black was great, as is the intrigue you create around the 'plan'. The spellwork was described beautifully and the mention of Tuney's cardigan was a simple yet very effective touch.
A lovely story, and great writing :)Author's Response: No, don't apologize, you had things going on! :D
Thank you so much, Slughorn's characterisation was something that I really focused on and i'm so glas it's had such a good reception.
You're the first person to mention Petunia's cardigan, I really loved that little bit as I feel Lily really misses her, a sisterl bond is something really strong and when broken it has a profound effect on each party :)
Again, thank you so much :) Report Review
Hey there, here for your review :)
I really enjoyed this, it was just really quirky and a good insight into the troubles Harry would have faced. Having known what a baby crying all night is like I'd be inclined to do the same thing ;)
You have a great start to the story, it's a little intriguing as we don't know quite what's going on and you give your readers time to guess a little bit, I like that in a story :)
Your characterisation was pretty much spot on for me, Harry was perfect with his fear of failing them, never leaving them. The only thing I thought was a little strange was the 'Mr Weasley', personally, I think Arthur and Molly would be insisting by now that it was too formal to be Mr and Mrs Weasley, but that's just me. Perhaps Mr Weasley once or twice and then to the end he would call him Arthur? I don't know, it's your story ;) Arthur was bang on the nail, I loved your portrayal of them both.
This is such a fantastic and unique dilemma for Harry to tackle and I really think you did it justice. I loved it, and the ending threat of all the Weasley's chasing after him didn't half make me laugh! ;) Great story!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I really appreciate your comments on the plot and characterizations.
Thank you for pointing out the 'Mr. Weasley' thing. That completely makes sense. It's details like that that I always forget when writing future stories.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story and especially the last line. I like it too :P
Thank you so much for your review and for getting to it so quickly! Report Review
Another fantastic chapter here :) I fell back into the story really easily and it was a good as all the others :) I get so swept up in the story when I'm reading it and it's so believable with the links to canon. Again, these are subtle but any Potter fan worth their salt knows these events and it's great to see you weave them into the story so brilliantly.
There's a great mysterious start at the shop, I almost expected you to tell me Snape had been taken cause they'd figured him out! You had me panicking for a while ;)
The detail you write in is fabulous. I had such clear images of the shop, Netterheim, Karkaroff, that I really felt like I was a fly on the wall and was watching firsthand, rather than reading it. That's a great skill to have and you use it brilliantly here.
I am so intrigued by the Guild and Netterheim! I would love to know more about them, they are just so unique and different from anything I've imagined in the magical world before that they really do fill me with a need to know more :)
Your characterisation is also spot on for me. I loved the confrontation between Snape and Josef and I really enjoyed Rosier at the little Death Eater hidey hole. You seem to be able to write all of your characters really well and in a very believable way, it's great to see.
A truly unique take on Snape and his time with the Death Eaters, brilliant plotline and just one thing I need you to do, post another chapter! ;)Author's Response: Another fantastic review. I feel spoiled!
Sorry about the panic... okay, not really. :) Those are bad, bad panic-worthy people. It's great that the story has you so pulled in. (I can get pretty lost in that shop too.)
You'll have to let me know later if I did your curiosity justice with the Guild. I didn't mean it to be such a large part of the story, but you know how things can snowball out of control and take over...
I'm glad you liked the hidey hole part! And thanks for the characterization compliments! I wanted this to be something unique, yet plausible, and I'm so happy you're enjoying the plot!
A great action packed chapter to end this story. It was fantastic, I thoroughly enjoyed it and found it a refreshing, if somewhat dramatic change from the usual post battle stories that I have read :)
You have great descriptions of the characters, the action and the battle in general throughout the chapter and write the tension and drama necessary tremendously well.
The twist of the ritual is a great piece of ingenuity there! It was fantastic and highly reminiscent pf the ancient magic Dumbledore was always on about. But then you add twists in the twist! It just gives the final duel a huge edge to it that is simply phenomenal and amazing to read!The tension and drama and links to family honour was just so intricate and fantastic :)
And I loved the little bit of romance at the end :) It was simply a beautiful chapter, a fantastic story and one I would highly recommend :)Author's Response: Ahh. My favorite chapter and favorite scene. Truth be told, this scene is more reminiscent of how I wanted Harry's battle with Voldemort to happen. Not necessarily with all the flourishes, but at least more intense.
Again, I'm glad you found this to be a change from the usual. Though I must give credit to Eldy for the idea of wards re-directing apparation.
The romance between Neville and Parvati came from Thanfiction's DAYD universe. I loved the pairing there as a secondary pairing to Neville and Hannah later. I wanted to explore that a bit more. I see Parvati as a dainty but tough little chick that too often gets ignored (tough little chick is a term of endearment I have used for quite some time for young women who have a very strong constitution but also affable. Just thought I'd throw that in as I know some people take offense to the term).
The "snog you to death" came of its own accord as I was finishing the chapter. After I wrote it, there was no way I could change it.
I thank you for these great reviews and am really humbled by the praise. If you would, could you give me something that you think I should work on? Feel free to PM it to me. Report Review
A great continuing chapter here :) I was so glad to see Neville recovering and that was a great twist with Seamus suspecting Madam Pomfrey. It was incredibly well done and read really well :)
You wrote the family scenes for the Longbottoms brilliantly, there were very touching to read and I felt like I was spying on something I shouldn't be seeing. The heart to heart with his nan was great and the time spent with his parents, particularly his dad was incredibly emotional to read and you really did yourself proud here.
The budding romance and the party were great as well, really well written. It was lovely to see some happiness finally, but then you go and let Bellatrix spoil the party! I hate her so much, she's a right evil little witch isn't she! I really felt like I could feel Neville's pain in this scene, and his self exploration at the end of the chapter, it was tremendously well written :)
By the way, on a positive note, you saved Fred so you are without a doubt my favourite person at the moment ;)Author's Response: Again, I'm glad you like this part. Probably my second favorite scene in this story is Neville asking his dad about witches. I think I actually broke out in laughter as I wrote Frank's response.
Ahh, Bellatrix! I've been called cruel and I think maybe even wicked for that part of the story! I can SO see her doing something like this if she made it though the BoH.
Neville's little coming of age was a work in progress. At first, since I didn't know what else to write (and when the story is flowing, I just throw stuff out on the page, regardless of silliness), he was mixed with. . . mermaids! I knew before I wrote it that it wouldn't work, but didn't want to stop the flow. Mermaids, can you believe it? I think I am much happier with Grendels. Neville probably is as well!
Ahh Fred. I figured if it was AU, I could bring him back. Gotta love Fred (so much that he demands bad English).
I was actually a little nervous making Harry P. humorous here. He doesn't seem to exhibit much of a sense of humor, at least in cracking jokes. Report Review
Hey there :) Here for your reviews, and I really like your story so far!
You show a great talent at writing the tension and immediate aftermath of the battle. You have a great unique take on how the battle ended and the aftermath itself which you write in such a believable way I find myself questioning why I never knew this happened :)
Your characters are great as well, I find them spot on with the characterisation and the banter between them is fantastic. It shows the detail of what happened whilst having a slightly comical edge to it so it stops the tension building up too much :) Great technique there!
And finally, the drama to end was fantastically written. The curse, the coins, the worried comrades, just a great way to end the opening chapter :)Author's Response: Thank you ma'am! In all honesty, I'm not sure how I even came up with the idea of the Death Eater world descending on Hogwarts 20 minutes or so later. I think it came about out of a need to push my characters out of the area and put them on the run.
I really appreciate the comment about characterization and banter. I'm a natural smart-alec, so in tense situation I tend to pop-off a bit while still getting serious work done. I just can't imagine Seamus not being that way, or a few others responding in kind to Seamus. I also thank you for your words concerning the balance. I actually cut a few things out because it seemed out of balance to me, your comments confirmed that it was probably the right choice.
Glad you liked the ending as well. I have a beta for my main story I'm writing that is getting VERY ticked at me... because I keep leaving cliff-hangers at the end of the chapters and it takes two weeks or more to get the next chapter to him. LOL. Report Review
WOW! I think you know deep down that you have produced yet another phenomenal story and you really, really really don't need me to tell you how much I enjoyed it and how wonderously talented you are at writing dramas surrounding the Quartet. Your stories never fail to entertain in many ways, comedy, love, action, suspense and drama to the absolute max. You are a phenomenal writer who really does deserve every accolade this site could provide. I'm honoured to call you my friend :)
And so, to a review, well, I'll do my best because as always I get so caught up I can't make myself keep notes to make my review coherent lol!
The start with Harry was so dramatic, it really felt like it was a premonition of the drama I knew was going to come in this chapter.
But then you disperse it with the humour at the start of the chapter with the boys being late and Ron fussing about food again. You really do write Ron superbly, it's the best I;ve read him on the site and I actually prefer your Ron to JKR's, you give him so much more credit as a character :)
Now the encounter with Zack was brilliant, and it was there I really started to get jittery about the whole calm before the storm feeling I was having. Having read the stories totally out of order I knew there was a huge battle coming up but here was where I really felt it starting to develop.
I had to stifle my laughter about Ron's hinting about the pond incident ;) Absolutely classic bit of humour there, great to lighten the mood slightly. This whole scene was a great snippet into Weasley life after the war, to an extent, and it made the fighting all the worse after seeing such a happy family scene. But bless Arthur for his Muggle obsession! I'm so glad you included that :)
Gosh! Isn't Ron a sharp little knife now! That's why I love the way you write him, you give him so much more depth and credit him so much more than JKR ever did, it's like he's always been Harry's equal, but in the books it was never that way.
But by Merlin! Those action scenes were more heart in mouth than a ride on a Hippogriff! They were so dramatic, so full of action and you really felt like your heart was in your mouth for the whole second half of the chapter! I really felt like I could feel the emotion and the tension the characters were feeling and I so wanted to grab my wand and jump in to help! You write these scenes brilliantly :) I was so glad to see the end of Greyback finally, but Yaxley is a slimy snake indeed!
The ending, with Ginny finding Harry in the future was also great, it concluded and rounded off the story beautifully and really showed a rgeat eloquence to your writing :)
And so, another story you have written that I am truly in love with, that has gripped me from the start and that I have struggled to find enough kind and appropriate words to review. You really do leave me speechless with your extraodinary talent at writing and I am definitely looking forward to reading my way through everything you have written, so get to my review thread to request and make sure I do! I hate that RL got in the way all those months ago and stopped me reading this when I planned to, but never fear, I will be reading everything :)
You are fantastic, don't ever forget that!Author's Response: Ok. Uh. Wow.
Speechless here. Truly speechless.
Lily, one of the greatest things about this site, and me finding writing again, is getting to meet all the great folks out here in "potterdom"
It really is the icing on the cake. Thank YOU. Heck, you were my first big supporter, nearly, three years ago now. I'll never forget that. I'm eternally in your debt and count myself lucky to have you as a friend.
Ron. I really do like the kid. Maturing him, growing him based on the way JKR wrote him during the Battle of Hogwarts is my favorite thing to do. He truly is a dangerous adversary now, Harry's equal. And the two of them together are nearly unstoppable - except where their witches are concerned. LOL!
And, again, to hear my version of Ron praised really makes my day. Thanks!!
As to the actions scenes, this says it all "I wanted to grab my wand and jump in to help" I really can't thank you enough. The Battle here was one of the toughest to write because there was just so much going on. At least in Crusade, I could cut away and take it in pieces, but I desperately wanted to keep a Harry POV here, and that was DEVILISHLY hard. But, if I got you to the point that you wanted to join the Weasleys in kicking some DE posterior, I know I've suceeded.
Balanceing the humor, romance, drama and action...well, I tend to write the kind of stuff I like to read - I can never stay too serious for too long, or dwell on any single angle without having to cut to some other aspect. Maybe I've got ADD? LOL! Just the same, thank you again.
Lils, I promise to get back to your review thread just as soon as I can. With amazing reviews like these, how could I not?
RL has been brutal. About the only thing I've been able to keep up with is reviewing, and ocasionally checking in with the forums so I'm not completely out of touch.
What I'd really like to do is write. But there just isn't the time. This summer has been far to hectic. Just the same, hearing from you has made it all worth while.
Thank you my friend, for everything.
P.S. There's a complete timeline at the end of this chapter, to help navigate through the Crusadiverse.
A lovely glimpse of normality at the Burrow to start the chapter :) It's so great to see glimpses of happy canon throughout the whole story, it really gives it a great grounding in the here and now so to speak :)
I loved the little 'heart to heart' between Arthur and Kingsley. You gave us a great insight into these two characters which was wonderful to read :) I loved how they linked to Dumbledore and all the other canon battles that have happened :)
You capture the dynamics between the Quartet so perfectly that it is truly phenomenal to read. You have it so perfectly on the balance, it really does leave me speechless with your ability to write this :)
The ending with Harry talking to Death himself was a fantastic twist, absolutely fabulous and totally unexpected!
Another fantastic chapter, truly brilliant and a real feeling of calm before the storm again!Author's Response: On the whole, the year leading up to the Battle of the Pitch has been a good one for the quartet. Harry and Ginny moved out of the Burrow ("Journey of a Thousand Miles" is the tale that covers that), the DE's are leaderless and are being rounded up, Harry's gotten comfortable leading the Corps, with Ron's help, the House Elf laws been passed and peace is being restored. I wanted to show a glimpse of that happiness here and in chapter 1. Then, of course, I go and let Yaxley escape and ruin everything.
But there still are some light hearted moments before Crusade comes crashing down on everyone. "The Adventures of Reckless Git and Danger Ponce" which takes place a few months after Pitch is fairly light hearted, but then as the war drags on, the strain really starts to tell on Harry, as "Tipping Point" makes clear.
The Arthur/King dialogue was what threw me. I needed to get that speech in there, to justify why the DA HAD to take over the Auror Corps; but the transition, without a Harry POV was troublesome. I'm really pleased you liked it.
OK, blushing with the praise in your third paragraph. Thanks!! I just had to have Hermione wack Ron with a pillow, couldn't help myself. That whole scene was a blast to write, especially the part where Ron gets the better of Hermione.
Yep. It's Death, come to claim his due.
Thanks so much for this great review!
Eldy Report Review
Framing either end of the chapter with the snippets of Harry in the future is a great touch, it really does give the story an edge to it :) It's a great technique to almost tell 2 stories at once :)
I love the banter between George and the Aurors at the start of the chapter, it was a great snippet of normality, a calm before the storm as it were, but I didn't realise just how much it was! You hinted with the fear over Greyback, it's like they speak of him with the same fear they spoke of Bellatrix or even Baldy Shorts himself when he wasn't around.
What a twist after a little lull though! The drama and action was tremendously fast paced, incredibly well written and real nail biting stuff. I was literally on the edge of my seat, well, as much as you can be when you're propped up on pillows in bed haha! The duel with Yaxley was absolutely phenomenal and boy were the Angels just in time!
The way you revealed the new aspect to the link was brilliantly done, and really lovely to read. Ron and Hermione are total nightmares though! They don't half make me laugh ;)
Kingsley's debrief, if I can call it that, was fantastically done also, as was the scene between Ron and Harry in the flat. It was all so detailed and brilliant and just super de dooper :) LOVE IT! LOVE the whole story :)Author's Response: This was the last "easy chapter" as far as the bookend story line goes. It got devilishly hard to make it work after this.
The George/Aurors scene was somthing I always wanted to do. Kind of a "guys cutting up in the locker room" thing. I'm really glad you liked that. And then everything goes to Hades...
This chapter was actually built around the idea of Ron fighting off a slew of DE's while he clings to an unconscious Hermione. And then Ron just goes full-on angry-mad-mean. I just always liked the idea of Ron whipping up on anyone who threatens her well being.
And, yes, Harry just about bought the farm there - thanks to the ANgels for saving the day. Sooner or later, I'm gonna have to write a story just for them.
Ron and Harry's scene was crucial. REALLY appreciative of the praise there. Although Harry and Ron have been growing closer since DH, they really didn't become equals (in Ron's mind) until the DE's made him undesirable number 2. It was that act that finally allowed Ron to put to rest his last doubts that he was just harry's side-kick. As a result, he could finally tell Harry how he really felt - that they were brothers and had been for quite a while.
These reviews are amazing!
Eldy Report Review
This chapter, this story is all just so perfect :) I truly love it to a huge extent :)
The details of how things have changed, like Seamus taking some more control etc really does help explain things yet also give the reader a slight break from the tension that is building. I don't know whether you mean to but after each little tension break it feels like you're knocking it up another level, it's fantastically done :)
The discussions around the Death Eater plans were fantastic and detailed. It's great to see Ron having a more active part in the Trio, sorry! Quartet ;) and the detail you provide just knocks it to another level :)
The argument and make up with Ron and Hermione was ever so funny, you write these so well and they always make me laugh!
And oh do I love that link! The way you write Harry and Ginny is so unique and brilliant, I could read it all day if I'm honest. You really do show in a fantastic way how brilliant they are for each other :)
Another rolling on the floor moment in this chapter, Percy skinny dipping with a woman! Where did you come up with that, it's comic genius and I actually spat lemonade all over my keyboard, not that I mind, I had such a belly laugh it was well worth it! Brilliantly written though, just perfect to break the tension again!
And what a great ending with flashing back to Harry in danger, just fantastically done and another superb chapter :)Author's Response: This chapter has to be about my favorite of all the fluff/friendship/relationship stuff I've written. Psyched you enjoyed it!
The couples should be close, tight friends, who are exceedingly familiar with each other. Even without a link, it seems to me that Harry and Ron and Ron and Hermione and Harry and Hermione all know what the other is thinking to a fair degree. Its great fun to write them all like this.
The link is a favorite flourish of mine. But again, it's not my original creation. Justanothermuggle, MyGinevra and Edward Ollivander all used it before I did. I honestly don't know who first created it, but it is a fun flourish.
That said, the Harry Ginny romance and the R/Hr romance always compete as being my favorite. Right now, R/Hr is my favorite, but that changes month-to-month. Harry and Ginny's scene at the pond has got to be one of my all time favorites.
Got you laughing with Percy/Audrey in the pond? Classic! Hope I didn't ruin your computer. I just couldn't help myself with that scene.
Usually, I interupt my characters mid sentence to start a duel. here, I thought it would be fun to interupt H/G's conversation for a...well..."Out of character Percy Moment". Yeah, that's what we'll call it. LOL! The muse just dumped that scene on me - I really don't know where it came from, but It cracked me up too. My muse is not well.
Thanks again for this amazing review!
Eldy Report Review
I get so carried away reading your writing that I forget to make notes so that my reviews make even an ounce of common sense.
I honestly don't know why you worry about anything you write, I can't criticise or wish for anything to be changed, and the time switches are brilliantly done. I know how hard it can be making them work but you've doen a darn sight better that I did!
The Ron and Harry friendship is written perfectly throughout. You really have nailed that and it's a joy to read. If I didn't know better I would say this was a secret story from JKR because in all honesty, it is so believable and just perfect I'd have thought she'd written it ;)
The tension building throughout the chapter to the reveal that it's Greyback who's the one they really need to watch is perfectly done. You just feed it gently, let the tension build and then go the whole hog and drop it at the end of the chapter!
The drama at Azkaban is also fantastically written, with great tension and detail. Also, it's fabulous to see them solving puzzles again, well Hermione at least!
Just simply another fantastic chapter, I'm intrigued by so many different things and without further ado I'm moving onto the next chapter!Author's Response: Your reviews make LOADS of sense. No worries!
I was worried that the transitions flow properly. The format for this story, with the shifts was a real problem. For the first three chapters it was ludicrously easy. then it got hard. REALLY hard. So much so, i nearly dumped the whole tale and started over. So I'm really glad that you think it works.
R/H is my new favorite, non-slash, pairing. LOL! I've really turned them into a bit of a bromance. I have a real ball writing them this way.
Secret story from JKR? Ok, head's swelling! I really liked getting back to the trio doing what they do best and I figured it would've taken them several years after DH before they could get to that point in their lives. That's another reason I never bothered writing a book 8; I wanted to skip ahead a bit and get to the point where they're back to being themselves, without dwelling on the transition to RL. Also, there are SO MANY great book 8's out there, hard to be original.
Even with me skipping a few years ahead, I still take a lot of inspiration from justanothermuggle and siledubghlhase, to name a few.
Flattered I've got you hooked!
Eldy Report Review
Ach! I'm going to write this super super quick cause
I want to carry on reading so excuse the waffle and incomprehensible mess I am about to leave you!
I loved the way you jumped straight in with an action scene :) You always write these so well and it was a great way to kick off the story, and then to swap and give us the build up slowly was another great touch and very well done :)
Two words. BALDY SHORTS! I actually rolled with laughter! I'm so pinching that to use in general conversation haha! ;)
The whole piece is just so smoothly written, it all follows on naturally and makes complete sense, as it always does :) But why do I worry when I read nice happy scenes... Probably because knowing you, you're going to make me cry again later, and boy did you come close with that ending of this chapter, I was so worried for Harry, and you are the only author on here I know who evokes such strong emotions so well.
You've linked the canon in superbly, as always, and it's just so great to know all the background to keep the readers informed :)
The family relationships were spot on, as always, and display some superb writing skills indeed :)
Great links between the time changes, great characterisation, great plot, just perfect if you ask me ;)Author's Response: Waffle excused! LOL!
Hey Lils! this is far from "an incomprehensible mess" Great review! Thanks!
When I first starting writing this tale, I actually had two plot bunnies going at the same time. First, I wanted to do a story about the Battle of the Pitch mentioned in Crusade. But I also had this image of Harry, wounded, stumbling down a lonely country road. I hate writing more than one tale at once, so I combined the two. The result is Pitch as it is now. It also solved a problem I was having, keeping the suspense building in Pitch, because everyone that read Crusade would generally know how he story turns out. However, adding in the "bookend" story line that takes place after Crusade helped give it an air of suspense. Glad you liked it!
Baldy Shorts. I like that too; but I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere else, so I can't take credit. Problem is, I've read so much fic, I can't keep all of my inspiration straight! Regardless, whoever came up with it gave me a really good laugh, too.
Yep, I kinda cut short the happy scene at the Burrow with Harry dying and all. Evil of me...Sorry! But thank you so much for all the praise and this STUPENDOUS review.
Eldy Report Review
Hey there! Here for your review!
This is such a lovely piece of light hearted, funny writing that is so in line with what Fred and George would do it's scarily almost too much like canon! It really made me laugh thinking of not only this but some of the other things they were up to!
You have a great start and throughout this story tou really do capture their personalities perfectly, it's like you are one of them, or at least you've used occlumency to get in their heads!
The enchanted snowballs were so funny, that actually made me laugh out loud and it was such a Fred and George thing to do :)
Overall a quirky, fun, little piece of writing that I wish was longer!Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
Thank you so much! I was worried about getting Fred and George's characters right, so this eased my mind.
Fred and George are really fun to write, I hope to do more of them :) Report Review
Hey there, here for your review ;) And may I say thankyou for requesting, such a fantastic story you have here!
You have a very eloquent writing style and include so much detail yet still hold things back. It's a tough technique to use but you use it brilliantly and to such great effect.
This is such a dark and enigmatic beginning to a story and so intriguing. I find myself trying to answer hundreds of questions as I read and this story truly stimulates the reader and exerts a strange pull to find out more.
And then you finish with such a simple but perfect cliffhanger. I am so desperate to know who she is, why she's there and what her story is. Please come back to request again once you have updates, this is a fantastic piece of writing that I cannot wait to read more of! Report Review
Fantastic yet again! I actually stopped making notes again so excuse the randomness of my review!
You have Fenrir to a tee, he is such a creep!
The tension and emotions throughout this chapter are superbly written and really add to the experience you get when reading. They are so believable and intense it's just brilliant to read :)
Oh WOW! The order, all of them :) That's really great to see them still going and still looking out for their own. But wowzers! Her sister too! Great twist with a lovely ending :)
I honestly cannot wait to read more, I want to see Auxilry's revenge, and the Order meeting and see how the Raven/Teddy/Victoire triangle develops!
Please, please, please come back once it's updated! I honestly love this story so much!Author's Response: The Raven/Teddy/Victoire triangle will have some suprising twists.
Thanks so much! :D Report Review
This is such a great chapter! You can totally feel the tension between them, the desire to get away from that place, Raven's desire to put right some wrongs, so many feelings that are beautifully written here!
The fight scene was, once more, brilliantly written, and I have to admit it was nice to see Vanessa get a little pain ;)
The emotions are superbly written throughout and would you look at that... Auntie Auxilry creeping out the woodwork :/ A great cliffhanger here, cannot wait to see what she does next!Author's Response: Thanks so much! :D Report Review
Dun dun dun. Cliff hanger! Boy am I glad the next chapter is already waiting!
It's such a great story I forget to write notes as I'm reading to make a decent review for you, so please accept my apologies in case this is rather jumbled!
I really felt like I could feel Raven's plight to get him out alive. It was like I could feel the bond between them but Vanessa is a nasty piece of work isn't she! That was a fantastic fight scene indeed!
The thing with Nydia and the bag is highly intriguing and I cannot wait to find out who was talking to her about that prohesy! And meeting Auxilry. Too many exciting things to read. Off for my next fix of Raven, I love her, she's just brilliant, and so is the story!Author's Response: Thanks! The prophecy won't be explained until chapter 7, which hopefully should be put into queue right after the July 10th once the queue is back up. :) Report Review
Oh WOW! FANTASTIC!
I love this story so much, you just keep weaving in these twists and turns that are all so brilliantly thought out and connect so well but I miss them until they hit me like the Hogwarts Express in a rush!
You have a real talent for writing Raven's feelings and emotions and her inner turmoil is so endearing that it's actually making me want to snatch up a wand and save her!
Her family history is very intriguing also and helps to give snippets to get the reader more on her side, however she is such a fantastic character, you don't need any help with that ;)
But wow! Teddy Lupin! That's the blue eyed guy! Phenomenal twist there, definitely wasn't expecting that! But what a great way to end the chapter :)
Loving this story, your characters and your style!Author's Response: Thanks for your lovely words, dear! :D Report Review
Another fantastic chapter that completely pulls the reader into Raven's world and carries them along on this adventure with her.
It was a great twist to see Raven's softer side, so to speak, and her compassion for the victims of the group she's been forced into. I really think you captured the feeling of being trapped perfectly, and you have a real edge to her character.
Your story flows beautifully, and the plot feels very intricate already, although nothing major has happened. It pulls the reader further into the darkness in such a convincing way and is brilliantly written.
Several things are intriguing me now, and pulling me to read on. One is Nydia, I really can't wait to read more about her, the other is the thing she has with the blue eyes, it's just so intricate but I can't stop reading and letting my mind try to work it all out!Author's Response: Thanks! You've brought a smile to my face! I'm happy you like it! :D Report Review
Absolutely blooming brilliant! Such a brilliant start to a chapter that I really am lost for words, boy am I glad I make notes as I read otherwise I would have nothing sensible to say in this little box!
I love the drama you create in this chapter. Your writing style is just perfect for this story and really gives it another edge. The start of the story is so full of drama that I didn't want it to be merely a dream, however I get the feeling it may not be.
You have such brilliant detail in describing the situations and the characters that is a real delight to read and provides a superb start to the story.
You have created a fantastic mysterious atmosphere around your characters which is so tangible I felt I could feel it coming from my computer screen. It's great how you give a little, but then leave the reader needing more, it's like you're teasing us and it's brilliant to hook us in and take us further through the chapter.
I'm truly intrigued by this story, it's really hooked me in strongly and I cannot wait to read more! Thankyou so much for coming to my review thread!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your beautiful words! :D Report Review
Another great chapter! I love Matilda more and more, she's just a fantastic character and totally absent of all the OC cliches that do my head in!
It was great to meet her friends from her point of view and they seem like a great bunch, I know why she wouldn't want to leave them behind! But her goodbye prank is fantastic! I love that idea so much, very Potter and Black ;)
I am dying to know who the boy that left is though! You've left it on a really intriguing cliff hanger and I can't wait for you to update! Hurry up hun!Author's Response: I'm so glad you like Matilda, I wanted to as you said make her different to the 'cliche OC' and give her as much of unique personality as possible.
It was an absolute nightmare writing this chapter, I had to re-write it so many times due to wanting to say something different in the goodbyes, I had so much trouble with the goodbye to her friends because I really didn't want to leave them out, they are such a big part of how I imagined Matilda to act and I couldn't bare to part with them.
Her prank... well yes I do love it, I must give credit to my dreams for that one, it was the best one I had ever come up with.
And shh that will come in time... and the next chapter will come when I am closer to finishing the 4 chapter... patience hun, patience. Report Review
This is a great detailed start to the chapter :) You really introduce the situation, the scene, the characters, everything really with great detail to make it easy for the reader to get to grips with the story quickly.
I love the quirkiness of your writing style, it's just so refreshing to read and it really adds something to Matilda's character, especially with the twist with the letter, a geat touch there!
Great start to the story, nothing I would change and I'm off to read some more! You have me intrigued!Author's Response: hehehe, I am glad you liked it hun, The letter has to have been one of my favorite things I have written for the story so far! I tried to describe everything while staying as matilda so I'm guessing that worked and I have qiurky writing? good to know!
Again so glad you enjoyed it and so happy there is nothing to change. Report Review
A fantastic chapter here! So much happening and going on!
Great tension throughout the chapter, and if I were to write all my favourite bits in this little box I would bore you as I would copy the whole story!
Rabastan's revelation is really sound reasoning, and if I'm honest, totally understandable. It reminds me of marriages between high class families in the 1900s. The concept of an engagement for business purposes is a great twist, and they will both benefit from it
The links to Voldemort are also great as they indicate the story is getting darker. This was great when their marks burned, a great touch to end with some mystery!
And finally the note! I have no idea who it is but I am definitely looking forward to finding out! Please come and rerequest once you have some more chapters up! Dying to read some more of this story, you've truly hooked me in!Author's Response: Wow, I'm poleaxed. You liked the story that much! Thank you.^_^
It's nice to hear that the drama and intrigue wasn't too over-the-top. I was a little worried after posting this that people would find the drama in this chapter fake...yes, I must admit that a lot of the marriage deal and social-climbing scheme was inspired by writers like Edith Warton and the experiences of my grandmother (who had an arranged marriage!). I figured that pureblood society might be a bit backwards in their treatment of their offspring...not exactly an original idea, but one that I like.
Yes, I'm glad that you picked up on the dark mark stuff! I wanted to make it obvious without saying "dark mark" right out loud. The story is definitely getting darker for poor Addie, but I am trying to keep up a lighter subplot (that would be the Kimmie inspired hunt for Hairy Hearted) so hopefully it won't become unbearable. I'll definitely rerequest when chapter 14 goes up, sorry it isn't ready yet...the plot fairy has not visited in a month or so. : (
And again (how many times can I repeat this and still convince you that I mean it every time? I really, really do!!), thanks for all your reviews! I loved reading them.
xoxo wenderbender Report Review
This chapter started so lovely and happy, but then that nasty Alecto spoiled it again!
It was great to see the 'girl time' they all had at the start of the chapter and I had a really clear mental image of what Addie looked like :)
And the lovely awkwardness of a new couple was written brilliantly! It's hard to get this right but I think you did it splendidly. But uh-oh! Nasty old Abraxas was where the night started going downhill, and I so wish it hadn't, I really wanted to see some romance between Rabastan and Addie!
The drama at the end of the chapter was great as well! Really well thought out and written, with her reflections and Lily's inclusion, it was just lovely to see how well you made them all work together :)
Reaaly looking forward to reading more, it's just all so believable that I'm finding myself more and more caught up in the story! Report Review
That painting did make me laugh! I love it when authors use the paintings to make a point, I do it all the time in my writing, it really made me smile here :)
Addie had such a close escape from those two playing dress up! I really felt for her when they were trying to cajole her into it all, and then to be harrassed by Kim for details and new robes, all in the life of a girl with little romantic history I guess!
I was quite sad to see Zuz get sensitive and upset, but I'm intrigued where you'll take it. The scenes in Hogwarts with Kim trying to follow them were quite comical in parts but I could imagine Zuz's reaction if she had caught them!
But I really did feel for poor Otto being dragged into their plan! Bless him trying to stick up for Sev yet help the girls, he seems like a lovely character and I really hope we see more of him!Author's Response: YESSS! Believe it or not, the scene with the painting was the first thing I wrote...the whole scene was basically based around that one line. Yay for talking inanimate objects!
I'm actually very dissatisfied at the moment with the Hogsmeade scene...though I'm glad you were intrigued by it. I'm planning on rewriting it, but it may have to wait until I'm sure where I want to take Zuz and Cary's relationship. I haven't totally worked that bit out yet (lazy author syndrome).
Otto is awesome! Everyone seems to be rooting for him already, which make me super happy. He's just a bundle of cuteness...you won't have to wait too much longer for more!
Thanks again for all your wonderful reviews!
xoxo wenderbender Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection