Reading Reviews From Member: DarknessIsMyOnlyFriend
  
100 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThorns of Time: Thorns of Time

20th July 2014:
Thanks for the review request! I rarely read stories about Percy or Penelope, so I was curious and excited!

I was immediately drawn in by your writing style! It has a really good flow. And of course starting with someone coming back after years, always interesting. Why did she leave, tried to forget everything there? And why would she come back now? And why does she think she can pick up right where she left off?
I love it when the first paragraphs make me ask so many questions!

You held a really nice pace. Nothing too slow or too fast. You took time for her thought process. This was important to the story. Without it, the reader would not connect to her. You need it to understand her. After all it's quite an ordeal to leave everything behind and start over without your friends and family.

I get why she left, the pressure to be perfect, to excel is overpowering, intimidating. However, I understand her reasons to come back even more. Her thought-process seems realistic. She was done running. Only to find that while she ran, the world kept turning without her.

I find it funny that she, upon seeing him, thinks of their past. How good they were together. When in reality, how good were you together if you never even bothered to ask him along? There is a reason she didn't.

You asked about the length and I think this was just right. You could've made it longer by adding her trying to see other people, but I doubt it would have helped the story.
It might even do more bad than good. The story is well rounded. Finished. Well paced. Well written.
You described her feelings very well. You didn't put focus on her surroundings and this story did not need it. It needed that attention to her emotions and thoughts. Other things would only distract.

I really liked it! Thanks again for pointing this story out to me!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this wonderful review!

I really love the point you made about her not inviting him along, and there being a reason for that. That's definitely true, and I'm really glad you pointed that out.

I really appreciate all of your comments, you addressed everything and this review made me happy! Thank you so much!


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Review #2, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendWhen Summer Fades: syzygy

16th July 2014:
Okay, can we just...he makes a friend and she gets sick? The boy can catch a break, can he?
I like that it makes him reflect on the friendship he built with her and how he has been selfish in it. Though I worry that the possibility of losing her might push him further into a world of glum, hatred and consuming darkness.

'Months ago I would never have imagined shaking hands with a Muggle, but it was just like shaking the hand of a wizard or witch.' Can you imagine growing up in such prejudice and than discovering that you did not die from shaking hands with another human-being. I like how you've been attacking his prejudice, that seem so normal to him. You mention it, show how simple little things cause him to stop and think.

Again you add little details to the story. Like making faces with Sirius during Christmas dinner. Or Sirius having a Aerosmith shirt. I love that. And it flows so well with the story. You don't just add details and throw them somewhere, anywhere. They fit and it does not halt the story in any way.

As for the characterisation in the first chapter and this one; you are very consistent. Summer keeps up her happy-go-lucky attitude, Regulus tries to hide his double life but he doesn't do a good enough job, since Jasper keeps seeing through the lies. And Jasper, I stand by my assessment in the first chapter. He might be on the dark side, he surely isn't just a bad person. He is a good friend, even though he does not understand.

I do have one question. About the letters. Regulus would tell Jasper that the letters were to his brother? His brother is seen as a traitor. Talking to Sirius would be as bad as talking to a muggle, would it not?

Another good chapter with a good flow! Curious about the third chapter!

Author's Response: :( I was definitely not very nice to my characters in this story. But you're right, I think that he might not have realised just what the friendship meant to him if he hadn't entertained the idea that he might lose it.

I'm so happy to hear that you like the way his prejudices are shown. He is starting to change - has been changing for months - and it kind of surprises him when he notices!

Haha, I'm glad you liked the details about the Black family Christmas and Sirius' Aerosmith T-shirt, I hoped they weren't too random and unnecessary, so it's really good to hear that you liked the way they add to the story.

Your assessment of Jasper is pretty accurate! I'm really glad you like him as a character, and that all of the characters are consistent with the first chapter. This is a very character-driven story so that's really good to hear.

That's a good point about Sirius. What I was going for there is since Regulus is hiding his letters when someone walks by, it's evident to his friends that he's writing to someone he shouldn't be - and he thought his brother would be a slightly more acceptable answer than the Mudblood girl his friends hate.

Third chapter is in the queue so should be up in a day or so. Thank you so much for this thoughtful review!! I really appreciate it! ♥


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Review #3, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendWhen Summer Fades: equinox

16th July 2014:
First of all, Thank you for the request! Second of all thank you, because I LOVE stories about Regulus! Now on to the story.

The way you begin the chapter fits with how I see Regulus. The little things we learned about him in the books, told us he was uncertain of where he stood. You explained this short and simple, but very clear.

I too believe he was never really happy, once he stood by his parents and against his brother.
He is so glum. I can totally see him reacting to a smile in the way you described.

It's also kind of high school-like. Which it should be. Your family expect certain things. Your friends expect certain things. He plays with the thought of Summer in his life. The freedom of her life and what it would be like for him. I always like a story about his conflicting feelings, what or who caused it. A catalyst in his life.

Jasper actually seems...not so bad either. He knew about the 'friendship' and he decided to let it go. I like this little tidbit, because it shows that death eaters aren't merely evil. They are human. They two make allowances for the 'mistakes' of their friends. They might be on the dark side, they know loyalty. It gives the characters depth and realism.

The story does have a quick pace, but I think, considering the fact it's only three chapters long, you went just quick (or slow) enough! You still took the time for details.

I like it. I want to know what happens to Summer.

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for taking ages to respond to this wonderful review!

I'm glad this fits in with how you see Regulus and that you thought my portrayal of him fit in with the things we know about him from the books.

I couldn't see Regulus as being anything but a moody teenager :p Sirius was like that too, but had pretty optimistic friends to keep him from sulking too much, whereas Regulus only has depressing friends and not cheerful company, which I think is why he's so sulky for most of this story. I'm so glad you like his conflicting feelings and how Summer is the catalyst to change.

I really like your analysis of Jasper, too. He was one of my favourite characters to write in here just because he's so complicated and there's so much moral ambiguity :p Anyway, thank you, I'm so glad he seems three-dimensional and realistic.

I am thrilled that you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks so much for your review!!


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Review #4, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendChange: III

13th July 2014:
Love the letter she send Harry and Ginny. Although I wonder if she would ever speak this candidly. Would she not keep it more to herself? This could just be my interpretation of course.

"Crossing the border into Canada where she promptly froze" haha. I have an Australian friend who moved there and his first winter.well let's just say he fell in love with oversized warm sweaters and immense winter-coats. And venturing outside was kept to a minimum.

I also love the idea of having to go through a international apparation station before entering another country. It would help the magical community keep track of it's inhabitants.

I do hope we, at some point, get another chapter dear!

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Review #5, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendChange: II

13th July 2014:
Poor Hermione not fitting in, in these countries.

I LOVE your description of Australia. I travelled through it myself and while I never encountered any form of rudeness ( they are far more polite than people in my country) I do understand the huge difference you speak of between the coast and the outback. There is no comparing the two I think.

For a Brit this must be such a culture shock. You either take it in stride or you don't, I guess.

And as always I love your descriptive writing. "like glinting azure diamonds"

A good, albeit short, chapter!

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Review #6, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: Get in the door with the Gryffindors

4th June 2014:
So I planned to review this quite a while ago,but things got in the way. However, I came back!

I stand by what I said before, I like the way you depict Rose. I also like the budding friendship between Belle and Rose. Their friendships seems to really fit. Though it took a big jump since the previous chapters, it does not feel forced. After all Rose saw a side to her nobody else got to see. It forms an undeniable bond between people. Reminds me a little of how Rachel and Brooke became friends in One tree hill...don't know if you've ever seen it.

And again I love her protectiveness of Giles. He is such a likeable character. Though I do feel sorry for Ethan. He seems so distraught by what he wants and what his family wants.

Loved your little joke about Voldy snogging :P You can only imagine the look that would be. Nice imagery.

Evander was really leaving the passive aggressive pursuing behind on the pitch, wasn't he. Which I think is fine, because I do actually root for them.

And you mentioned the marauders!!! Now I truly love you :P

Another wonderful chapter! I really like this story.

Found a typing error: I found my self standing awkwardly at the top of the Slytherin side of bleachers. → I am guessing 'the' should be before bleachers.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for the great review--I really appreciate it :)

I'm glad you think Rose and Belle's friendship works. They're fun to write and it's nice writing a different side of Isabelle.

OH Ethan...he's kind of a dolt, isn't he? Oh well, he and Giles are just so great together...if they ever get it together!

I'm glad at least one of my reader's is team Bell and Evander!

Haha...I LOVE the marauders. Had to mention them. (and spoiler alert, they don't come back from the dead or anything crazy like that ;) The next chapter will be tons of fun though. Hello Gryffies!

Thanks for the editing help, re-reading the chapter I found a few other things so I'll have to edit and re-submit when I get a chance.

Thanks a million for reviewing! Now that my life is a little less crazy I'll hopefully get the next chapter up soon :)

--Emmy


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Review #7, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendI Can't Date A Hufflepuff: I Can't Date A Hufflepuff

4th June 2014:
First of all thank you for requesting a review! I appreciate it.
I am sorry it took a while for me to get around to reviewing this! Time flies by so fast.

Now on to the story. I like hoe you used the typical house traits, but still made the characters different. You stepped away from the line many fanfictions take.

I like that you made Neville proactive as a teacher. He wasn't going to let kids be bullied!

I also like Damian's arrogance. The way you suggest if before you mention it. The way you describe even how he sits, I can see some cocky teenage boy sitting behind a desk in a normal high school.

And I like Maria as a Hufflepuff. Kind, happy and all the things we usually see in them, but she isn't introvert or shy. She seems more...fearless I guess in a way. Brave. Strong in a way that they are usually not depicted. I like that.

Just like you focussed on the boy's feelings. This all makes the story stand out from many others.

It's a cute story. Very well written. It flows nicely! I don't read fluff very often, but I am glad you requested a review for this one. I liked reading this!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Sorry it took so long for me to respond! I guess we're even now lol

You're so kind! I put a lot more time into the description than I usually do so I'm glad it stands out! And I'm so glad you liked it. I loved writing it :) I like pulling characters out of their stereotypes because I see a lot of that when people decide what house to put them in. Obviously they need to fit, but I don't like them to be what everyone expects them to because of what their house is. So I'm glad you noticed that.

Thanks so much for your kind words xx


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Review #8, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThat Escalated Quickly: Intensity

31st May 2014:
So far, I think you are doing Hermione justice. She would not make a scene, but calmly placing his hand back is in character.
Although her talk(s) with Mclaggen seemed a bit much, I think. I always viewed her as more subtle. Until she is pushed too far of course. However, in this case it seemed too soon for that. I see her more as subtle, as in the first moment with his hand, instead of aggressive. That is of course, my interpretation.

Also it was bit confusing...she left the party to go to the library. And than wished for the party to be over soon? Also, she brought a bag filled with homework to the party? Or was she having dinner in the great hall.not at the party? That part wasn't all clear for me.
Since the party was going to be that night.and then suddenly everyone was out of the common room, Neville was sleeping on his book. And the party still had to happen.

I think the storyidea is good. But some parts are a little confusing in my opinion.

Author's Response: Well you would not be wrong in how my characterization of her kind of slips out of what I typically write her as, I thank you for pointing out where my discrepancies lie. I agree that she is more of a subtle person, so I'll tone down her conversations with McLaggen some and make them more maturely handled.

Yeah the party scene got all jumbled in my head and then I realized my total word vomit in the chapter after I had posted it at around 1 am. Needless to say, I am very embarrassed of that catastrophe of a timeline and will definitely be fixing it! I think I'm planning on the party being in about a week or so, just to make Hermione's agreeing to go with Cormac really seem last minute.

Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews, I'll definitely come back to you again! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #9, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThat Escalated Quickly: Before the Party

31st May 2014:
I'm sorry for the (really long) wait! But here is the requested review!

It's a good story. It's a short chapter, but the content is good. I had a few things that stood out as I was reading it.

In the beginning you state that 'Ron had been a complete a***' twice. Perhaps you could give an example, besides snogging Lavender. By mentioning it twice but not elaborating, it makes it seem rushed.

Also, you say at the end that she could not decide how she felt about him...but throughout the chapter it seems that she does know and that he was simply a last resort of sorts.

I found one word to be used quite frequently in the first few paragraphs; though/although. It became a little repetitive. So perhaps find a synonym for it?

Author's Response: No worries about the wait, I've been busy too! :)

Firstly, thank you for reading this rather awful incomplete short story that hasn't been updated in over a year! Now that you mention it, I hadn't noticed the Ron comment before...I'll have to go back and elaborate on just what he did (essentially begging Hermione to continue doing his schoolwork for him while he's off rendezvousing with Lavender is what I'm going say).

Yeah...I tend to have a bit of a problem with tying things up at the end of a chapter differently than how the chapter starts/is in the middle due to haphazardly writing and forgetting what I've already written. I'll make sure to make it more clear just how she feels about him right away rather than muddle through it.

During the time I wrote this, I loved using those words, so it's understandable they're overused. I'll replace them with synonyms where appropriate.

Thank you so much! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #10, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: The other side of Slytherin

9th March 2014:
I like that Kane knew as well. He just didn't really see it as a big deal. Despite the prejudice in the wizard community. Everyone of the friends seem to know and accept it. But poor Giles! What are those boys up to though?

I understand it must be hard for Isabelle that they aren't trusting her with their plans. Then again, she doesn't trust them with her secrets either. They don't know who she really is. It's hard to figure out how you could help your father, if you can't tell anybody, that knows that information, who you are. How lonely it must be, to be Isabelle.

I like that Rose did not tell Giles what had happened, just where to find her. Like there is asilent understanding between the girls.

Why on earth would the death eaters or knights or whatever they call themselves, let their children help? What can they do? Then again, they can test their alliance like that. If they come through you know they are on your team. But they are still kids. I'm really curious about this! About the situation the boys find themselves in and how they got in said situation.

I like that as the elder brother, Evander took charge and decided to tell Isabelle a bit more. I'm sure this also has a little bit to do with him liking her, but still.

I saw another typo: Prizon, instead of prison. And prizoners instead of prisoners. After Giles explains why Ethan is dating the girl.
And a little further down: Both of us kepting glancing...” when Giles and Isabelle are in the great hall for dinner.
When Evander talks to Isabelle He regrets his decesion ->decision.

Another wonderful chapter! Can't wait for the next instalment!

Author's Response: You seriously understand all of my characters so well. That's exactly how I imagine Isabelle. Even though she has Giles and all of them, she can't completely trust them. There are so many secrets which causes her to feel isolated from everyone. As much as she hates not being able to tell people who she is, she is just as terrified of them finding out the truth.

The children's involvement may seem far fetched but then again even Draco was recruited by Voldemort while still in school.

Thanks for pointing out the typos--I'll make sure to fix them!

Your reviews have been WONDERFUL!! Thanks so much! :)


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Review #11, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: Bully for You

9th March 2014:
I like how you made the relationship between Ethan and Giles important enough to mention often. But you have Isabelle not really making a big deal of it. It just is. Nice touch!

Also liking Evander! The way he responded to Isabelle when she tried to get the dirt on Malfoy. It made me like him. It made me think that he was completely comfortable with who he is and what he did. And he became so defensive when he thought Malfoy had done something to her. I like it.

I can tell you really took the time to develop all the characters and I love that! That way the characters won't hold back the plot. It will just make the story flow fluently.

I also love that you mentioned before Isabelle would have understood if she had been placed in Slytherin. Because you made her character a good mix between Slytherin and Ravenclaw characteristics I think. It makes her more complicated and therefore a more believable character. So far I actually really like her.

I love how Rose said she almost did too good of a job. It seems so typical for a large percentage of girls their age. We don't want their attention but when it's gone we actually miss it a little bit!

I'm really glad I finally got around to reading this! I'm loving the story so far!

Author's Response: Most people don't like Evander so I'm glad you do! I've been told he's creepy but he does have reasons for why he acts the way he does.

Thanks so much! I did do a LOT of planning for this story and have pretty much all of the chapters mapped out. Just need to get re-motivated on writing them :)

haha. I liked that line of Rose's too. Everyone knows Rose is secretly in love with Malfoy :)

Thanks for reviewing!!

--Emmy


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Review #12, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: Testosterone Levels Rising

9th March 2014:
Another good chapter. It flows so easily. It almost makes me forget to make notes for the review as I read. Leave out the almost. I made no notes while reading.
I really enjoyed reading this. This chapter brought a little more background on the friendship between Giles and Isabelle. Again I really like Giles.

Isabelle also seems very interesting. Though she was in the muggle world for so long, it seems she really held on to the views of her family. I like that. It tells us more about who she is really. She is smart, surely. But she is also set in certain ways. She is loyal to family. She has a certain arrogance that makes her feel better than others.

I also like the introduction of the new characters. Simple, but good. Big brother coming to see his sibling and friends. Often stories make siblings hardly talking, especially id they are in Slytherin. While I think family and loyalty too family is very important to Slytherins.

I saw a few typo's, nothing big:

One in the beginning. Truck instead of trunk, when Giles places Isabelle's in the overhead compartment.
And one, right after you mention the ball when Isabelle and Evander danced. “You'll do no such think” I think that would be thing.

Author's Response: BAH, I hate typos. I swear, I've read through these chapters several times and somehow missed them. Thanks!

I do love the train ride chapters! You've got Isabelle figured out perfectly. I agree, I think family IS very important to Slytherins. Sometimes even more so than other houses if for no other reason than the family name in the Slyterin house is everything.


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Review #13, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: An unlikely Ally

9th March 2014:
I like that she became friends with other death eater children, without them knowing who she is.
And I like how close she seems to be with Giles. They are very comfortable around one another. I wonder if she will trust him with her secret identity. Although saying it like that makes her sound like a superhero. Then again, a superhero would be able to either participate or stop the major thing that will happen at the ministry.

I also like how Isa is able to see Rose for who she is. She knows the strengths of Rose, I mean. She doesn't just put her down because of her great dislike for the girl. It fits with my idea of Ravenclaw. They can see how the other person will be a good academic partner and are able to work together despite of their feelings of one another.

I like that you gave rose her mothers brains and her fathers temper!

Another really good chapter! I like it! I like the characters. I really like your style of writing. And I'm just more curious about the rest now!

Btw I copied the chapters back when you put out the request. Am I correct to say the original second chapter was replaced? Or did I just miss a whole chunk of story? It did not feel like that but still I thought I'd Check. Did chapter 2 and 3 get switched around?

Author's Response: I actually really love writing about Rose. She wasn't even really supposed to be a big character when I first mapped out the plot but once I started writing her I couldn't stop! Had to re-do my plot slightly :)

LOL. Never really thought about her secret identity as a super hereo. I like it!

It's supposed to be prologue, t. levels rising and then an unlikely ally. I believe they're in the right order! I'll have to double check.

Thanks!

Emmy


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Review #14, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: Prologue

9th March 2014:
I'd like to start by saying SORRY for taking this long. I had this request on my list for far too long, but I just lack time lately (Especially since I wanted to read it in one go, to have it all fresh in my mind). Anyway here I am, finally.

I love how you set the tone in the first few paragraphs. Very strong, clear descriptions that take you to where the characters are. I love darkness, mystery and tragedy in a story and I got just that!
I love your style of writing. You only use the dialogue from if it's truly needed. I sometimes use it too much and I love your style much more! It's more descriptive. Which draws you in more.

Isabel is a smart little girl isn't she.

I really like this first chapter. It gave just enough information to be intrigued. I really want to know more of what will happen to the remaining Travers. And what the marks on the ruins mean. Why they then started firing at one another. So many questions! Really good!

Author's Response: No worries. Thanks for reviewing, so pumped to read all of them :)

Glad you like the ruins! They will come back into play but not for awhile. Eventually I'll answer all the questions :)

--Emmy


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Review #15, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendStranger Things: Hide & Seek

5th October 2013:
I'd like to start by saying Sorry for taking this long. I had this request on my list for far too long, but I just lack time lately. Anyway here I am, finally.

This story caught my eye because it's set in the marauder era, my favourite. However, your summary isn't enticing really. This is a shame because a summary (in the end) has little to do with the story. It says so little about it.

For a second I figured you were already starting with quidditch or something of the sorts. Instead it's hide and seek! I like it! And for it to go the way it did. It was a nice introduction to Charlotte I think.

Her mother was an inferius when she had charlotte? How does that work? After she was killed, didn't all functions stop? No more blood or food to the baby and everything? I do love that Voldemort controls a part of her. It makes sense, if he controlled her mother while she was born...
That does make for a very interesting plotline! Very curious about this!!
Details like; nothing fills her up, but does food sustain her or does she need an additional food source?
And how does it effect her powers.

I like the way you describe her relationship with her father. The interest in school and such. It's a really nice touch. And the fact he realises which subject she dropped.

I also like that she mentions she isn't good at making friends and points out a fault of her own, instead of making herself a victim. No matter how big a victim you actually are, I always like it when someone does not victimize themselves. However, the reason does make her sound a little full of herself and I don't really think she is.

And how rude of the marauders to tell her to leave! Don't get me wrong, Charlotte was wrong in the situation as well. But seriously, you came in later. And you could not take the insults you dish so well? If I had been Sirius I would have left, head hung down in shame. Don't dish it out if you can't take the heat.
Seriously though, I like how you portrait them. I often make them really nice and wonderful, but the books indicate that there was another side to the marauders. A cocky and somewhat rude side. You captured that wonderfully.

Author's Response: I'm so ecstatic after reading this review! I'm glad that you had some points that I should work on. The details are a bit vague when explaining her backstory, and when I have time I will have to revamp this novel.

Unfortunately, Charlotte is a bit full of herself. I kind of miss writing a character that everyone hates, and Charlotte gave me a perfect excuse to do that.

I'm also super duper happy you understood my point of view with the marauders! I know that they are overall good people in this chapter of their life: but they're still teenage boys.

Thanks so much for your review and I'm sorry the response is so late.


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Review #16, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendOnce upon a time: Fairytails and all that crap

5th October 2013:
I am so sorry that it took me this long to get to this story. I'm currently horrible at finishing any to-do-list I make. So again, sorry but I finally got around to do it now :)

I like stories like this. Stories that reference to a fairytale. Although it can easily turn cliché and become a fairytale on it's own, I still love it :). Then again, I love fairytales.

I like how the beginning was an internal monologue for nobody but herself. The tone of that was similar to the rest of the chapter which is really good! It set the tone for the character of Cinderella. It had some hints of sarcasm and self reflection with a hint of the ability to make fun of herself. It's good! I like that.

I also like Dom. She seems like a fun girl and a genuine, loyal friend.

I do think you might want to explain a little bit more about the characters. How old are they. Part Veela, part werewolf and the likes. Is it because mother is full veela or part, although most people will be able to guess it, it's always good to explain it shortly. And the part werewolf thing should definitely be explained. It's not canon if I am correct, so people would be wondering.

There is currently very little back story and since it's only a prologue it's not absolutely a necessity, but I personally like to know a little more. Where are they in their lives? Are they living on their own or still at home with their parents. Are they working girls or do they live of a trust-fund of sorts. Stuff like that, is always nice to know of the bat.

Also perhaps a bit more description of the place they are in. What it looks like, the smell, the feel of it. It makes it easier to really be pulled into a story.

There were a few typo's, but nothing major, so that should be easy to fix with another look. I see you have a beta, so that will all work out perfectly I am sure :).

I am very curious about the rest of this story!

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Review #17, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendSnapshots: Snapshots

26th July 2013:
For a second there I though the boy would be the child of Luna. "you are funny. I like you" I like that this is Hugo though. And a Creevey child...interesting. A friendship with family of a hero was all her uncle would have wanted.

I never really though of the character of Hugo, so I was really interested to see where you would take it. He asks a lot of questions and he whines a bit. And a bit pushy to become her friend haha. I'm not entirely sure how to see that behaviour in the right light, but as I said I know very little of his character.
In the later years he reminds me of Fred and George a bit. Not just the pranking. Also the way he interacts with Anslee during other moments. Confident but not cocky. Suave.

The time jumps were different from what I've read before but I liked it. And for some reason I did not need telling in which time I'd be. It would clear itself up pretty soon, so that's good. I really liked the bits of history you gave us. And Hugo was one romantic man. Asking her to Hogsmeade the way he did. That was cute and it really helped establish their relationship better.

The start gave it a sad vibe, so it kept me wondering what was happening in present time. It was a nice trip down memory lane and wonderful way to get to the ending. It gives a good sense of the them as a couple which makes the impact of the second part of the story much bigger. And it was sad. Very sad. And beautiful in its sadness.

The only thing I found that I could comment on were that some the sentences where Anslee explained why she liked something, seemed a bit forced into the story. However with simply changing the wording I am sure that would change. For instance this sentence: 'I love flipping through the pictures, because it’s a really great way to reflect on all that's happened in the recent past.' I can' tell you why it feels a little forced, but it does. I think it feels like overly explaining it. But then again I get that you want to mention it, since you link back to it again.. Am I being difficult? I'm sure I am, sorry haha.

I really like your writing style by the way. It's really easy to read, it flows so...fluently if that's the right word to use.

Author's Response: Hi there! Sorry for the (majorly late) reply!

Yes, Hugo does have a bit of a Luna-like character, especially at the beginning. And I'm sure Colin would have been just beaming at his niece's relationship with a Weasley. ;)

I wanted Hugo to be a bit different, so yeah, he's a little pushy at the beginning because he's used to getting what he wants, and what he wants is to be friends with this girl, and figure out what this object is that she's holding. Also, I like the comparison to Fred and George, because that's exactly how I wanted teenage Hugo to be. :)

I know the time jumps are something I haven't seen much in reading, but I wanted to try it out here, and I'm glad it worked out some. And yes, Hugo's a bit of a romantic on the inside... underneath all that pranking nonsense he's basically a big softie.

There was definitely a fair bit of foreshadowing, and yeah, it ended up sad at the end. But I love that you called it beautiful too, because a beautiful sadness was really my goal for this piece.

Yeah, looking back, I did phrase some of those sentences kind of awkwardly... thanks for pointing that out! I will definitely fix that!

I'm so happy you like my writing style - that's such a huge compliment! Thanks so much for reviewing!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #18, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAnachronous: In a Man's World

20th July 2013:
Don't you just hate when you love a story but feel like it's missing something? I know the feeling all to well. Often it's just a feeling you have and a reader does not share.
The story is relatively short, in comparison to some of your other stories, so perhaps that is why you feel this way. However, some stories don't need more pages. Sometimes it's better to keep it shorter, than to add pointless text.

I think this story is beautiful. You kept it small and that seems just right to me. Of course you could add to it, by describing more specific situations in her life, however I don't think this story needs it.

Her feelings are strong and they fit the way she was raised and the time in which she lived. She was a strong woman, even if she does not fully realise that. She kept going. Kept getting up in the morning, when others could have fallen apart. She is the silent force that keeps others going.
She was only a small part in the books. But in a way she was very important.
She is right though, the job of being a house wife and a mother is not one to receive a lot of praise most of the time. But there are very few jobs as important as raising the next generation.

She was raised for grandeur and she choose the more simplistic life. Her feelings had a great sadness to it. It was good enough, she says, but somehow I feel that perhaps it wasn't. After all someone who feels that she is forgettable, might not be so happy.
It was sad. But beautiful in its sadness, if that makes sense.

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for coming by :)

Your review made me feel very comforted about this story, and I appreciate your kind words. I agree that sometimes "less is more," and that's the approach I tend to take with these sort of abstract one-shots, but once in a while reviewers will say that it feels too superficial or I'll notice that something isn't right. I'm glad to hear that for you this felt like a complete story and that you enjoyed it.

I agree that Andromeda was really important and strong and probably deserves to be discussed more than she was in canon. I tried to put myself in her shoes in this story and this is what came out. I think you really nailed what I was trying to convey with your statement about her life being much simpler than she probably thought it would be and her having an ability to see the beauty in that change, though at times her sadness did come to the forefront. She lost a lot and her fortitude is really admirable.

Thank you for your very kind review!

-Amanda


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Review #19, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendBad Blood: One

20th July 2013:
The first part made me very curious to read on :)
It raised questions and answered very little. I love that in a story. And it worked with your mystery theme!

I also really like your description of the marauders! They are very different indeed. And you were very accurate I think. That is how I picture their morning rituals anyway. And it's good you emtnion that James is not often this pensive, since I too think it would only happen every once in a while.

Despite the more vague start of the story, you took your time getting the story going by the time you went to James' point of view. This was good thing. The tone was very different because of it, but a well established story just works better.

I'm glad you made Lily believe James rather quickly. He was a bit on the nutty side, but he really liked her. That could not have gone right past her. He wouldn't do this. Although I sometimes wonder if I romanticize the boys a little too much. It was said in the books that they could be cruel.
Still, I doubt he would be cruel to Lily.
But I could not imagine who would be...so I liked figuring that out. And I wonder if the writer of the letter is speaking of Asher or not.

To make a long story short: this chapter really set a tone. It created an atmosphere that is just right for a mystery story. It gave a little information and raised more questions. Always a good thing!
I am curious!

What you could perhaps do, to enhance the fact that the first part of the story is separate from the second part, is using italics. It would make a more clear separation. However this is only a suggestion, as the * works as a separation as well! So doing this would make it double.

There was a typo in the description for Peter. "He might get burn his nose..." I'm assuming 'get' wasn't really part of the sentence.

Author's Response: I'm very glad the beginning of the story read so mysteriously to you! In a mystery, that certainly is a good thing. ;) I've done a lot of Marauders writing (as in over 300k over three novels, in addition to various one-shots), and so I've got a lot of headcanon where they're concerned... which is probably why it took so long to establish the rest of the chapter. Once I start writing them, it's just really hard to stop!

I think I see Lily different from a lot of other Marauders writers -- and I kind of feel like she liked him long before she agreed to date him (dating, falling in love with, and getting engaged to someone in a year seems really implausible to me).

I've already fixed that typo, but thank you for pointing it out! :) I love astute readers. And thank you for being willing to review this for me, too -- I really do appreciate it! ♥


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Review #20, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendMakes Me Wonder: The Only Chapter

17th June 2013:
That uncomfortable moment where you feel all eyes on you, the moment you go out to buy something like condoms. You described it well. Uncomfortable usually breeds clumsiness. It was a normal experience, funny because you didn't force anything into it.

I like how you made Rose such a popular girl. Seeing as her parents weren't really part of the in crowd themselves. They were known, surely, but not really popular. She is very brazen though, isn't she. Perhaps a bit much? However, I did like how she played on his obviously discomfort.
And Scorpius in Ravenclaw. It makes it more realistic that they would've become friends during their school years.

While the overall story is good, perhaps you could make the scene's flow better by adding more descriptions. Perhaps by describing the scenery a bit more. What did the shop look like, what aisle were they in. But also when you cut to a new scene; you could make the transition clearer by saying. After the shop he went home. Or; a few days after the incident in the shop he was looking out of the window of his London home(or whatever town). And then go on to describe a few more details about what he sees outside or what the inside of his home looks like. Before the redhead pops up in his line of vision.

I expected this story to be more filled with humour, but I like that you gave room to the fluff of it all. It worked well. It was a nice story.

One sentence that I didn't quite understand. "I stare and the strips lying on the ground." I'm guessing there is a typo there?
Where you say; 'I can't let you win anything'. I would perhaps make that 'I can't put anything past you, can I.' It's just a suggestion, but that was the sentence I half expected to be there :).

Author's Response: I was trying to make it as natural as I could. I'm glad that came across properly.

I always find that most people imagine Rose to be fairly bookish, inexperienced when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. I think that there is another side we can explore, so I tried it out here. I'm happy I managed to convince you :)

About the flow, I'll keep that in mind... I guess I was focusing more on the plot and conversations between the two, that I neglected some aspects of the story. However, this is very useful because I'd never have realized it if you hadn't pointed it out!

Maybe I could've made it more humurous, but this seemed more fitting, I guess. I was going for a fluffy, feel-good story with some subtle humour. I hope I got it right! I'm glad you think it worked well here :)

Maybe that is a typo, I should look into it and edit this once. And that line (I can't let you win anything') was to signify that there was a competitive edge there, with Rose suggesting that she got more action than he did. But maybe I'll edit that too, either to make it clearer or to change the sentence.

Thanks a bunch! :)
Your review has been very helpful.


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Review #21, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendSomebody's Baby: Somebody's Baby

16th June 2013:
To start this review off, I am sorry this took me much longer than I anticipated! Time slipped away from me. So again, sorry. And now off to the review!

I like the whole idea behind this story. The love of a parent. I may not have children of my own, but I remember my sister looked at her daughter, as Narcissa looked at Draco at the start of this story. I can only imagine how this must feel, but I think it might just be as you described.

And I liked that you kept the reader guessing as to what they had in store for baby Draco. Of course I am curious. For a moment I thought they would use a spell of sorts, but I like how you left that out. This worked without knowing. And it leaves it to the readers to interpret it.

And I like the love you showed between the couple. It was always clear in the book as well...or perhaps I imagined it. But I always imagined them as this loving little family, no matter what darkness was surrounding them.

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Review #22, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThe Worst: Decisions and Discoveries

14th June 2013:
Again I must say I like how you describe the interaction within their family. They seem as close as all Weasley's were in the books. And it seems effortless.
And I can just see Fleur sitting there. Crying over the troubles of her daughter. Loving her children in a way that rivals Molly's love. I like that.
And Victoire telling Dom that there is a choice, when Dom sees none. That kind of almost naive hope a sister or really close friend can have for a person. Hope for a different future. I like it.
And I like the motherly idea that the bad news should come in moderation and not all at once.

And Dom trying to stay strong for her family. Accepting their good intentions, despite what she might or might not have wanted. It shows a strong character. One with flaws of her own but a good heart. A likeable character.
Even her resentment towards her sister's bright future does not take anything away form that.

But oh my poor Teddy. Again she pushes him away. It would be much easier for her own mental health to simply speak to the man haha. Then again, I probably wouldn't if I had been here. So it's realistic, but I just feel for him.
I love how he stood his ground this time, even if it was out of character for him. It might not have been what she wanted, but perhaps what she needed.

Oh and a nice reference to something that has changed over the years. Using portkeys as a quick way of communicating now.

I like the suspense you added this chapter. She is finally thinking of what happened. Not merely all that had followed it, but the actual moment where she was bitten.
And I wondered why anyone would want to harm another being like that. What was her boss going to gain from this? Surely there is the personal experience that she now has when writing about werewolves. But is that reason enough? She could have gotten another werewolf for that.
Is it her popularity? Did that threaten her boss? Again it seems that there would be easier ways of taking care of that. This is just cruel.
Now this is something I can (over)think about until the next chapter. I blame my love for detectives and other crime stories. I always look for something extra, a deeper hidden meaning behind things. On the one hand to humanize the perpetrator or simply to try and understand it. Pure cruelty exists, but I just can't understand it haha.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a ton for reading and reviewing my story so sincerely! My apologies for the super late responses.

I am glad you enjoyed the interaction with the family, especially Fleur's reaction as I was quite uncertain while writing her. I have an elder sister too and she always wants (and hopes for) the best for me, thus how I wrote Victoire's almost childish fantasy that everything should one day be okay for her sister.

I am pleased you find Dom a likeable character despite her flaws. I wanted to show her as someone human who has faults, and yet not take away the appeal (if that is the right word) that she has for my readers.

Also, I love how you catch on to and point out the little details I mention in the story, like Dom's resentment towards Vic's brighter future. I love weaving them in and it is great to see readers noticing and highlighting them. Thank you.

Aha yes indeed it would be so much better if she just spoke to Teddy, but that's not Dom. She is a Ravenclaw and an over-thinker, and has to complicate matters xP I am glad you feel for Teddy, and liked how he stood his ground.

I figured things would change over the years and I try to incorporate some of my head-canons in my stories, thus the portkey thing. Glad you liked it.

I am happy you enjoyed the suspense, if it can be called that, haha. Yes, Dom has been overwhelmed with all that has been happening with her, but now that she has time to think, she did a lot of reflection. As for Delilah Jones' motive, you'll have to read on for that ;) I understand what you mean about pure cruelty, I can't stomach it either, haha. I believe there's always a deeper emotion, some trigger, associated with the hatred from which the cruelty stems from. So her true motives will definitely be revealed sooner or later.

Thanks so much for such a thoughtful review.


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Review #23, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThe Worst: More Bad News

5th June 2013:
OK, Teddy is just so sweet. I am really glad that your characters are still very much the same as they were the previous chapters. I'm not sure if had said that already in another review, but I really like your consistency.

And you take the time to tell this story. Her meeting with Delilah was the same day as this chapter. Another good thing!

I also love the relationship you've created for Teddy and Dom. They seem so close and connected, despite the fact that now they are having problems. He just keeps up his supportive act and she feels guilty for pushing him away...I like it!
And I feel like this is realistic for a good relationship, which you mentioned they had before the attack. It kinda makes me root for them to make it through this.

I'm also glad that Dominique is finally letting the emotions out in a more constructive manner than pushing people away. Grieving is necessary in order to move on from the attack. Anger will not help her.
I was so worried for her though, when Teddy told her a healer was coming with some bad news. And the bad news was in fact really bad! That would be enough to put many people in a depression. And she already had so much to deal with.
I never thought of this complication of being a werewolf, but it sounds quite realistic. As far as being a werewolf is realistic of course. Everything changes.
I am curious what decision she will have to make.

I like that Teddy calls her out on her behaviour in such a sweet way. But I had already said he was sweet, had I not haha. His behaviour is like textbook good right now. And while for some characters that would not work, with the son of Remus it does not really surprise me. Then again I love Remus! Is it crazy that he reminds me a little bit of Dean in Gilmore girls? Not sure if you ever watched that, but yeah.

It was a bit strange to read Aunt Fleur and uncle Bill, when he spoke of her parents. I know he has always been part of the family, but still, to me it was strange.

And a question about the process of getting the bad news to Dominique; in real life, isn't it so that once a person reaches adulthood, the doctor cannot speak of their medical situation to the family. In this case that would mean, that the healer would have to go to her first, instead of her parents. With all the privacy laws existing in human world, I imagine this would also be in the wizarding world. Now everyone seemed to know before her.

Another good chapter!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks again for reading and reviewing.

I am pleased that you liked Teddy, and that you're liking the consistency. I work hard on it so it means a lot =)

Yeah I am trying to not pace this too fast even though it's a short story, so glad you appreciate it.

I am happy you are liking Teddy/Dom, and that you find their relationship realistic. Yay for you rooting for them xD

Indeed, I always think there are certain stages that people go through when something sudden and unnerving happens - anger, grief, acceptance, 'action' etc. She'll get through it all eventually.

I am pleased you like her situation realistic and could feel for her. Thanks.

Haha Teddy is too sweet isn't he? Yep I always though that Remus' son would be quite calm and sweet and nice. Though in the end Teddy is only human so he may just lose his cool once in a while ;) I have never watched it but it sounds good!

Hmm I always felt that he'd have been close to them, like a part of the family, thus the 'aunt' and 'uncle'. Him calling them "Mr. Weasley" and "Mrs. Weasley" would have been weird for me. Oh I guess to each his own xP

Hmm I didn't quite think about the adulthood factor but I do think that in such 'special' cases of werewolf attacks and such, the healer would confide to the family first, and ask them to deliver the news. It's only immediate family after all. And well things may work differently in the wizarding world. That's just my opinion though.

Thank you!


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Review #24, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThe Edge: One

5th June 2013:
I like the idea behind this story. It could be very interesting, so I was immediately interested to see where you would take it.

One question about the depression; you mention that she did not know, but I never heard of that. Of course that could just be me. But my understanding has always been that people know when they are depressed. Of course that does not mean they will accept help.

How you described depression however, I did view as realistic. It made me angry at her husband, though. And the fact she wonders if her depression caused her marital problems, while at the same time she knows he has an affair...I mean come on. Realistically written, but it made me angry :P
While depression is different on everyone there are a few basic things that occur in most of them and they were present in your descriptions, so that was really good. Perhaps instead of saying she feels numb, you could let her think about it and not know what she feels. Then again, some do immediately understand the numbness is a feeling on it's own.

As for Draco forcing her...perhaps you could explain that a little more. The doctor was aware of their situation it seemed. Which is logical, since forcing someone into such care is difficult. A long process goes before that. Or she would have to pose a direct threat to herself and her environment, which would get her into the care for an assessment or until the immediate danger is gone.

The chapter was a good introduction, that did raise some questions. Which I think is a good thing.
I wonder how long the affair had been going on.
How long has she been depressed?
How long were they married and was it ever good?
How does Pansy factor into their lives besides being the mistress?
How old their children are and how much the current events have effected them?
I also think you could elaborate on a few things in the chapter. Like I mentioned before, on the road they already walked to the doctor. And perhaps you could show us a bit more of their relationship before. Just so it might be easier to relate to her. Get people to know her but better, before she is all depressed. And it would also let the reader get a better image of Draco, since he is quite mean in this chapter actually.

There were also a few typo's, but not much, so I'm sure you'll catch them if you looked it over again. For instance: "I was a bleak as the day itself." As bleak.
And: "There is no cure, but there is no treatment" there is a treatment is there not? Also in reality it is curable. Of course this is the wizarding world, so it could be different.

Author's Response: Thank you for the long, detailed review, All of these questions will be addressed in later chapters. Draco is not meant to be a good guy in the story so... yeah. Thanks for pointing out teh typos, i'll work on them. I really like your idea to expand the road to how she ends up at the doctor for it.

I am glad to here that you think the chapter is realistic. As to depression being a curable disorder in real life, it is not to my knowledge as a psychologoy major, curable because, it is a natural chemical imbalance of teh neurotransmitter serotonin in the brain. There is no artificial substance that will naturally produce higher levels of seraotio, but there are ones that will help to treat the symptoms. I will have to to research into this further and investigate a curable aspect to depression. Thanks again.


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Review #25, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendHating You Is What I Know: The Beginning

27th May 2013:
I am so sorry for the wait. Time went by too fast and before I knew it 11 days had come and gone since your request. But here I am.
Since English is not my first language, the grammar check won't be perfect, but I will point out anything I see :). With that said, on to the actual review!

I like that you gave the character something she loved in the first chapter. It humanises her immediately. A love for sunrises is also relatable, which is another bonus point for you :D.
I did wonder why she was wondering what a witch was, when her brother had already been exposed as a wizard.

And I like that she gets her confidence out of something that she has in common with her mother and brother. It's a nice touch.

I also like that you take the time for the morning ritual. It gives you time to describe things, like her surroundings and her looks. It gives way for details.

It's an interesting start. I am curious where you will take this.

A few points I noticed while reading:

One sentence doesn't flow right: "Only for my brother and mom, [...]because he has been there with me always." First of all, it's quite long. This makes it harder to get all the information to a reader. Also you are missing a word. Perhaps you could break the sentence up like this:
"Only to me brother and mom, am I an open book. Although it's easier to hide things from my mom, since she is rarely home. My brother, however, is not one to be easily distracted, because he has always been there with me."
And where you mention that James can't steal your brother from you; the comma should be before 'but'.
Shortly after that: she is never home for long time: a long time.
You missed a few words after that as well, which makes sense. After a long time writing you miss those small things. If you want to I can point them out to you in pm or something.(However, I am not really a beta since English is not my first language). I don't want it to take any time away from the review :D That wouldn't be fair to the work you've put into the story!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review :)
I would use those points when I would reedit the story.


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