AWESOME! Great story!!!
Dudley wouldn't be in Hufflepuff, he's not particularly hard working or loyal, he isn't smart enough for Ravenclaw (duh), not Gryffindor as he is a coward. I'd go with Slytherin because he is ambitious, Slytherins aren't necessarily all evil - look at Slughorn and Snape. So I'd go with a thuggish Slytherin like Goyle.Author's Response: Thanks so much!!! I love hearing your views. Keep reading! ;) Report Review
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOVE IT!!! You are fan-bloody-tastic!! I'm reading all your stories now!Author's Response: Thank you very much lol, although I can't promise much humour in all of them! Report Review
That was so beautiful and so sad, lovely writing - although you wrote "Alice and me" instead of "Alice and I" at one point.
Neville's first sentence was so poignant, their characters were rendered perfectly exactly the way I imagined - although a mention of Neville's Great Uncle Algie would've been great. If you feel like editing (although I have no idea why you would) I'd add in that little bit, it just adds authenticity.
If you've got any spare time can you have a look at my story, as this was one of the best written stories I've read in a very very very long time.
You've efficiently converted me as I now have to read the rest of your work. 1000/10 (because it was 100 times better than I expected).Author's Response: Thank you very much! I realized that after it was validated and was very angry; in fact, it probably will be edited just to fix that bit, but not until after Christmas, as I've got some newer one-shots to post first. I'll also work in Algie; I didn't think of him while writing, although that makes since, since we have limited knowlegde of Neville's family and should use all we've been given.
I'll check out your story as soon as I have a minute (my parents think I'm writing a report on Switzerland right now) and leave you a review hopefully as lovely as the one you've left me. :)
I hope you enjoy my other, less-gloomy stories as well, and thanks again for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Bloody hilarious, keep finding those myspace bulletins - loved it! Report Review
that last poem sucked... anyhoo there were some really good parts in this - i loved the albanian senator that was absolutely hilarious. It was a bit clicheed, and please PLEASE! don't sign post like that ever again like when you referenced Wicked - some readers will get it others won't and if they don't they won't care anyway - DON'T write "They giggled at the reference to the Muggle Broadway play, 'Wicked'" just "they giggled" is fine, if you really want to mention it's a broadway musical make it anecdotal - it'll make your writing far better (sorry, I got a little bit obsessed by one measly sentence didn't I? lol)
Overall this was a sweet one shot, cute, pink and fluffy just like fairy floss. Written quite nicely although largely supported by the great plot line.Author's Response: ya... *sighs* i am not very talented at poem writing. really? good parts? WWWOOOWWW!!! i feel so loved! no really, it feels gr8 to be told that THNK U!!! yes i no, i was having a boring day, so it just kind of came out WWWAAAYYY 2cliche 4 my usual taste, but u no *shrugs* thot id post it 4 all those gushy ppl *coff lala25525 coff* oh yyyaaa... i was already wondering if i should take it off, but i ended up not cuz... well i wuz lazy and it duznt bother me all that much if other ppl dont get it. but i promise i wont do it again. plus i couldnt figure out how 2 fix it, but now ill remember that 4 future riting, kk? anecdotal, hmmm... that iz a funny wrd! but i understand ur frustrashun (if thats wut it iz) and ill do that if something like that comes up again - im up 4 anything that makes my riting better! itz ok, i ttly do that all the time and just flip out 4 like a tiny reason. fairy floss... wutz that? sorry im sure its a stupid q, but i honestly dont no. and THX SO MUCH *tears up* u said i have a gr8 plotline!!! yay!!! THX AGAIN!!! xP Report Review
This is very interesting, I'm intrigued as to the context. What is the death eaters' aim? Is Voldemort alive? How come Scorpius is friends with Rose and Lily?
I enjoyed the liquid motif, and your word choice is elaborate and enthralling to read.
I think this story has serious potential but it needs to be more than just a one-shot otherwise it's too enigmatic (although in some ways that could be a plus).
If there's any chance you could have a look at my story I would be very grateful as you are clearly a good writer, also I read one of your reviews which I thought was very well written.
Probably one of the best next-gen fics I've read. Keep writing. Report Review
That was nice, although one little thing - unfortune should be misfortune. Great job, nice writing, and you seem to capture Sirius' "voice" really well. I'm waiting for the next chapter.Author's Response: Yeah sorry my English teacher would kill me!
Thanks for the review. Report Review
This was really good, some of it was clicheed but your writing flowed really nicely and I enjoyed reading this. I especially like the name whomper, and how she's tough - I think what would've been nice is if you could parallel a bit of James/Lily romance as well. I laughed all the way through, you o humour really well and I love all the parts in bold. I'm looking forward to my pony and chocolate frogs, and if you can, drop by my story for a review?? as you are a rather talented writer, and I'd really value your opinion.Author's Response: Well thanks a lot! I'm glad you liked her nickname, I'm quite proud of it, and I'm very glad you found my story funny. Since this was set in their 6th year, I didn't want a lot of James/Lily, but there will be lots in the companion to this. Oh and the pony and chocolate frogs are in the mail! Report Review
ummm, nice writing but WHY THE HELL DOES LILY JUST SUDDENLY KISS HIM? You need to set the scene properly examine her character - motivations etc. Does she really hate him? Love him? I liked it but the switch from hate to love didn't make all that much sense. Report Review
WHY DIDN'T IT GO ON? I'm waiting for the next chapter... This one was beautifully written I loved reading it you've got a better vocabulary than half the other hpff writers on this site. However although James' love was explored thoroughly, his character didn't display the same depth - and Lily's motives for changing her mind wasn't explained. It needs to become a short story as it was a little confusing near the end - Did he accidentally put a spell on her or not? There needed to be a bit more background given to the story - it needs to be fleshed out a little more. As much as I enjoyed your writing - work a little more on the plot and characters and this fic will be absolutely incredible. Report Review
Really, really cliched. But nice and fluffy and your writing is quite good. I liked it although perhaps a little more conversation would be more realistic. Nice though.Author's Response: I dont usually write cliched stories but I had this idea buzzing around in my head for days and I thought I'd post it. Thanks for the feedback though. Report Review
This is brilliant! I don't know whether I reviewed this before anonymously (I've read it several times) but I really like this story. It's really deep and sets me in a great mood to write english essays. Thanks alot for writing it - I attribute my 100% mark to this story. Keep up the incredible work!Author's Response: WOW! you read it more than once!! that makes me so happy! I have to say that the fact you have bothered to even read over my story to get you in the 'mood' for an essay is THE BEST COMPLIMENT I HAVE EVER GOTTEN! Report Review
AVOID CLICHES! They really got on my nerves. You could use this story as a L/J fic instead of Sirius/OC. It was cute but all the crying seemed a bit ridiculous and CLICHEED! Apart from that it was good, making it into a short story would be a great idea to give a bit more background to the characters. "watery blue eyes" makes Jess seem like she's crying all the time, so maybe ocean blue eyes might be better? Just a thought, keep writing you're doing a great job and you don't need the cliches to mar your great writing style. Report Review
Very nice - and fluffy. I liked it, very cute... the Sirius bits were great I want to read more of them! Keep writing! Report Review
That was incredible... but I really want to know how they end up together agan now - you have to write another chapter to finish this one properly, at the moment it's just sad. I loved the imagery of the storm, it was beautiful. I don't think it could be any better, you just need one more chapter to finish it.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I've never really planned on writing a sequel, but I guess I could see about tying up their story. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
That was great! Usually these types of oneshots are ridiculously cliched - and you did have a few in there "he says my name almost like a prayer" but otherwise it was good - you really got Lily's character across wonderfully. I'd love to see one like this from James' POV. Keep writing!Author's Response: Oooooh!! thanks so much! My first review!! I really try to keep away from all the cliche stuff... it bugs me. And I actually hate that line like you wouldn't believe, I need to change it. Thanks for the feedback though, it really encourages me! Report Review
I liked the idea at first but it turned really cliche, or maybe if you put in another chapter to give some background. Great effort - keep writing try to avoid cliches.Author's Response: thanks for the advice. I'll try Report Review
This was interesting, I've seen the idea before - however you need another chapter or two where they end up together because it feels a bit incomplete as it is. Otherwise good work!Author's Response: another chapter or two??
gladly, i will try and write another chapter. i have been meaning to do it, but i've never gotten around to it!
thanxx for the reveiw! Report Review
It's cool, not brilliantly written but the plot carries it - and the description of Mia was really good because you didn't realise it was a description until later - however I think her eyes 'shifting' was a bit odd maybe 'darting' would be better? Great job and I hope to read more of your work in the future.Author's Response: Hmm... Darting would have been better. Thanks for the review. ^.^ Report Review
This is great - I love it, however there are a few small things - Bellatrix wouldn't threaten to hex Wormtail - she'd curse him, and she wouldn't speak to Wormtail that much she would despise him because he betrayed his friends, the last thing she would ever do to Voldemort. You keep saying the snake crawled - snakes slither. Lose not loose. Bellatrix doesn't blush she flushed in that scene. Voldemort wouldn't say do I detect an upset tone in your voice - maybe something more like I detect your malcontent. Then I shall grant you your wish is what Voldemort should have said to Ms Bones.
Otherwise this is brilliant - keep writing Report Review
That was so cool - that's the first time I've read a songfic and listened to it at the same time. It was really good, competently written, keep writing but the whole "Narcissa felt her breath get taken away" doesn't sound right, otherwise good work.Author's Response: You read and listened at the same time? I LOVE doing that. All the while I was writing this, Missing was on repeat so I wouldn't loose the feeling of the fic. I hope that worked for you?
Thank you so much. I love getting such beautiful reassurance :D I hadn't given much thought on that sentence, so it didn't occur to me it would sound weird. Oh well. Thanks heaps for telling me, though, and also a big, big thank you for reviewing =D Report Review
That was brilliant. You wrote with such eloquence and truly captured Bellatrix' obsession and Voldemort's fear. It was a pleasure to read. Keep writing.Author's Response: Thank you so much. (: I really appreciate all you've said, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
Interesting, I'd prefer a little more back story on Voldemort's old crush - and would Bellatrix really be crying about Rudolphus, after all she is in love with Voldemort. Nicely written Report Review
Weird... your writing isn't bad. (I hate hairspray by the way - no offence). I kinda liked it, just that there is no way that Bellatrix would look down at the floor - "she is unyielding" as DH says. Otherwise I liked it except for the song. Report Review
I liked it, you're right there isn't enough setting etc. However - did they have coffee tables in Gryffindor house? Really though I liked it, soppy, but in a good way. I hope you keep writing. I'm looking forward to the novel...Author's Response: yea. this entire thing will going be in the novel which i hope to get out soon and in the movies(does that count?) there are coffee tables in the gryffindor's common room. but this was in the head's common room Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection