Reading Reviews From Member: Branded_Punk
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Branded_PunkRising: Why Hogwarts?

14th July 2007:
I reserve my right to make a judjement until I see more. =) The only thing I can say, is don't make your main OC (Gina) into too much of a Mary-Sue. Watch how her character develops so she doesn't become one of those girls who most people want to slap. Don't focus her character on 'wearing the latest micromini', and 'ohmiGAWD! Did you SEE the top she was wearing with that?'. Give her a little bit of depth, because no one wants to see Draco fall for the girl who idolizes Paris Hilton. Speaking of which, Paris Hilton doesn't really seem like the kind of person you'd mention in Harry Potter, but that's just my opinion.

Oh, and if you're going to have your characters speak another language, let other people know what they're saying. I, for one, kind of got lost in the flow of the story because I had no idea what your characters were saying.

I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm criticizing too much, but PLEASE, and I mean PLEASE do not make this girl into a spoiled little brat who lives in a mansion, has all the latest clothes, has a fantastic body, and stomps her feet when she doesn't get what she wants.

We, the readers want FLAWS baby, flaws. We don't want Draco falling for the high and mighty princess. Sorry, one more thing I swear:

We don't care what colour her shoelaces are; I mean honestly. She's wearing shoes, we get that. We don't need every little bit of detail. We don't need to know that 'HEY! She was a preppy princess before, but now she's a punk rebel!'. Don't make her out to be cliched, or perfect.

Otherwise, I think this story has room to improve and become really good! :) I just think the way you make your OC come off should be improved.

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