Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.






Reading Reviews From Member: Dojh167
  
414 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Dojh167In The End: Chapter Two

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

So based on what you’ve said about Remus having avoided Tonks for the last couple of months, it seems like he has known about her feelings for some time already.

Wow, this is a whole year before they get together in the end of Half Blood Prince, and Remus’ talking points of being an older werewolf already seem super stale.

A few little typos:
in “You can talk the Wolfsbane Potion” “talk” should be “take”
In “Tonks’’s hair” there should only be a single apostrophe

I think both of their sides are a little frustrating. They are both blatantly refusing to try to see the other’s perspective. I do agree with Remus that Tonks is a little naive in thinking that his being a werewolf wouldn’t make any difference. And as for Remus - well, if you’re so concerned about having a kid, don’t have a kid? I’m sure there’s effective birth control in the wizarding world. And if they can support themselves separately now, why can’t they support themselves together?

Okay, so Remus does have feelings for Tonks, but even she doesn’t know that. On one hand, that makes me a little annoyed with Tonks that she is so persistent when he has given her zero encouragement. Also it makes me feel extra sad for Remus, that he feels he has to be so self sacrificing that he forces himself to hide his feelings so others don’t pressure him to be happy.

Oh wow, you end the chapter before he answers Tonks. I wonder what will happen next. You said in chapter one that Sirius was alive, so they don’t get together for another year, unless they had some sort of secret relationship for a while. We’ll see!

Sam.

Author's Response: I have lo0ts of plot twists coming. Stay tuned for those. (Spoiler I'm not killing Sirius SH! lol) I hope you check back for more soon!!

 Report Review

Review #2, by Dojh167Enchanted: 20 Questions

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Back for chapter 2!

Wow, your description of Rose waking up drowsy and wanting to fall back asleep is super effective, it’s almost making me want to fall asleep (wait, maybe that’s the fact that I’ve been awake reviewing all night)

She kinda seems to totally miss what Scorpius is going for there, though…

I wonder how much time has passed since the first chapter. Rose mentions it’s early in the relationship, but they seem to have gotten quite close. As fas as I can tell they’re just friends and not yet dating.

Oh wow, Scorpius had a crush on Rose all that time? And also, this is the first time I’ve gotten an idea of how old they were. Before I was picturing Rose as around 13.

Well, if Scorpius is so open about wanting to kiss Rose, she must know that he likes her. I wonder how she feels.

There’s the kiss! Maybe they are a couple already after all. I can’t actually tell!

Woah, who’s Toby? Did I totally miss something? Was it mentioned before that Rose had a boyfriend?

Haha, Ron is still Ron, shoveling cereal down him throat while he talks XD

Is Hermione really jealous of Astoria for having a baby? I’d be relieved it wasn’t me!

Aww, I find it super cute that Arthur give his grandkids muggle games for holidays.

Haha, “light bulb goes ping”

Oooh who saw them?

This is a fun story, and Rose and Scorpius are cute together, between twenty questions and monopoly and everything.

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #3, by Dojh167Enchanted: Christmas Parties

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

HELLO FLAG AUTHOR AND FLAG STORY

I think it’s really creative to take an idea for a song fic and stretch it out longer than a one shot.

At first I was uncertain if the protagonist here was Rose or Scorpius. It seemed more expected that Scorpius’ family would be the one to have big parties. I can’t see Ron or Hermione really enjoying hosting them, but I suppose that’s what a big ministry career demands. I can’t blame Rose for hating them.

There were a couple little typos in this, but nothing that a beta reader or another proofread couldn’t fix.

I enjoy “stupid quaffle head” as an insult. Haha, and then she keeps laying it on thck with snitch brain! XD

Wow, James. Bullying people into not even talking to Rose? Do not like.

Oh, this is the first time Rose has met Scorpius? I like that better - that she sympathizes with Slytherins not because she likes him, but because she has all of the empathy James missed out on. It also says something about her that she didn’t recognize him, the most famous Slytherin.

Ahh! She didn’t recognize him because he changes his appearance. That’s interesting. Scorpius as a shy metamorphagus is pretty darn cute.

How mysterious that he wouldn’t give her his fake name =P

Rose has had things pretty rough from her family, and I’m glad to see she is finally making a good friend(/maybe more) and hope that things improve for her.

Congrats on posting your first story!

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #4, by Dojh167Untitled: Untitled

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Kudos to you for getting to write fan fic for a homework assignment!

There was a double space after the first paragraph that I wasn’t sure was deliberate or not - for a moment I thought it suggested a change in perspective and that the first paragraph was from Draco’s perspective, but I can’t be certain.

I really like the sensory detail of the scents of the flowers mixing to become a poison. It is really great use of description to support the emotion of the story.

People have lots of different headcanons of Draco and Astoria’s relationship, but for me the thought of them having to marry for money makes me really sad. I wish Draco could have been able to break out of the pressures of his old life, but that never really ends for him. I suppose I figured that Draco’s social status wouldn’t be so desirable after the war, as he was out of favor with both sides, but I suppose at this point the remaining pure bloods can’t afford to split straws over that.

I can’t imagine Daphne having a good reason to be jealous. From Astoria’s perspective we clearly see that this is not a desirable position to be in!

“sacrificing something I loved for something that I knew I wouldn’t like better” well if that’s not the most depressing reason to get married.

This whole story was really heavy and really sad. PArt of me hopes that Draco and Astoria are able to find common ground, but also not because I don’t want there to be justification that this kind of arrangement is okay in the long run.

Still, you certainly did a good job with this. Your imagery and portrayal of Astoria’s emotional state were very well done.

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #5, by Dojh167A Forgotten Savior: Forget Me. Pretend I never existed.

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch.

This was already a really hard moment, just hearing about what Hermione did in the books secondhand, but now you go and make it even harder. My poor heart. Of course, I always knew that there was a risk in what Hermione did and that she may not be able to properly remedy it, and she knew that too.

It was really disorienting to go from the dialogue in the past between Hermione and her mother to the present between Hermione and Ron, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing - it is disorienting for Hermione, and you’ve recreated that same sense in the reader.

I really like that the memories Hermione focuses on here are so domestic or simple. Nothing big happening, just getting dinner ready. That is really evocative, since it contrasts so heavily with the action filled life she gave them up for and now regrets.

I’m confused about Hermione saying she hugged her grandparents and then obliviated them. I had thought she had only done this to her parents - I hadn’t considered that she had to obliviate her extended family as well.

I really really like how rapidly you mix past with present here. At first it was confusing, but like I said, it works really well to make the reader feel like Hermione does.

And somehow you manage to add extra sads in something so simple as Ron falling asleep.

At least you end on a somewhat positive note, with Hermione making up her mind to find her parents. Has she tried before? I had assumed that she had found them but had been unable to reverse her spell, but the fact that they moved somewhere else of their own initiative also is possible. I am curious which (or both) it is and if Hermione is able to integrate them back into her life.

This is truly heartbreaking and very good.

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #6, by Dojh167Not My Own: The Switch

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Wow, what a fascinating idea for a story! I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like this.

It makes me really sad that Remus had to unnecessarily ostracize himself from what society he had. Things were already really and for him and this just made it worse. At least Dumbledore owns up to that.

I daresay Dumbledore has a lot of “One of my greatest regrets”

I makes me so sad that Remus has even fallen out with the other marauders. And here he and James are talking so formally to each other, it really hurts my heart.

Haha, Dumbledore poking into the tense moment with a lemon square.

Wow, Remus really thinks Dumledore would ask him to bite someone. That really speaks to the fact that Remus thinks that he is good for nothing beyond being a werewolf.

I’m kind of confused why there needs to be a switching. If it’s so they have someone with them who’s better at defensive spells, why can’t they just add a bodyguard to the family? But I think we just kind of need to go with the premise here to get to the interesting content.

I really like how you described Remus identifying the changes in his new body. Not just the obvious like the different vision, but the way his muscles felt and his senses functioned. Remus is taking a bit risk with this switch and he knows it, but it also offers him freedom like he has not had before.

Oh, that’s really interesting that even though it’s not a full moon it’s a very active struggle to fight against the wolf.

Omg I’m already confused who Dumledore’s talking to when he says James and Remus XD

Again, this is a very interesting start and I am very curious to find out what happens. Can I pretend Remus!James doesn’t die? Cause I don’t want that.

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #7, by Dojh167(Who) Needs Horcruxes?: Legend

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Hello former puff! ♥ I can’t believe I didn’t know you wrote this hilarious crossover! Late is better than never =)

I am a little unclear of the first section in the story is meant to adhere to the canon timeline. If Nagini is the only horcrux remaining, then that section would be taking place well into the Battle of Hogwarts, after the Diadem and Cup have been destroyed. What a time for the Doctor to show up!

I wonder if the Harry Potter and Doctor Who characters exist in the same universe here, or if the doctor had to (or accidentally) traveled to an alternate dimension to find them!

Omg I’ve never read Doctor Who fan fiction before, but you’ve done a great job of capturing the Doctor and Clara’s voices here. Well done!

Woah, they weren’t just sucked into the Potterverse, but into a written document within it?? How original! Oh no wait, they’re in the actual fictional world and they know it’s fictional - that’s very interesting!

Oooh so whoever gave Voldemort that information knew that it would lead to this happening? Or is the legend that the Doctor is talking about something else?

Agh and we don’t get to find out what it is that pulled them there yet! I am super curious and hope you get back to this story to satisfy my curiosity =P

This is a really fun story. You’ve done a good job of balancing action with playfulness to create a tone that is very true to Doctor Who. I am curious to see how that works out once Potter and Who characters mix!

Nice start!

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #8, by Dojh167Storge: Storge

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Your title and summary are super perfect.

Wow, I am so entranced by this. It was disorienting at first, but it is clearly meant to be, and you do a really wonderful job of capturing Ariana.

I loved everything about colors and eyes, and particularly “we’re all the same hue of numb regret.”

Oooh, I really like referring to Grindelwald as Albus’ shadow/reflection!

I like that Ariana can see that Albus uses words as a weapon. That really cuts to the essential and sometimes harsh depths of Albus.

I like “But oh brother while your heart weakens for this rude German boy his only grows stronger – he feeds off you like a starving parasite.” I dislike the idea that Gellert didn’t return Albus’ feelings (in part because that reduces the only canon queer relationship to one sided), but whether or not that is true here, I really like how this line expresses the very different effects an intimate relationship can have on the different people involved.

There are such fascinating disparities in the way Ariana thinks - she goes from saying things that are very eloquent to things that are disjointed and simplistic, and I really like that. It seems more appropriate than the obvious temptation to make her altogether simplistic. She was raised a Dumledore and she is surrounded by Albus and Gellert’s eloquence, it makes sense that she would mirror some of it, regardless of how much sense it makes to her. This actually makes her a really fascinating middle ground between Albus and Aberforth.

Omg “wouldn’t the world be better if we sewed our ears together. No more rubbish, no more poison” is everything that is perfect about this story. The poetry, the eloquence, the disjointedness, the sadness. ♥ I am so into it.

“What on earth is an Ariana?” No comment necessary, it’s just perfect.

What really struck me about this was how calm the transition seemed, from Ariana being alone and as peaceful as typical to being in the middle of the fight. Everything in this story had a strange calmness to it, which worked really well with Ariana’s detached state, and kept her that way even as things became more intense around her.

Wow, and she kind of deliberately did what she did. OF course she wasn’t totally conscious of the consequences, but she knew there would be consequences and she chose to act accordingly.

This was simply stunning, and definitely the best thing on Ariana that I’ve read. Excellent work!

Sam.

Author's Response: Hi Sam! Thank you so much for the review. Usually I'm the least poetic person in the world - nothing ever flows - but I think that's because that's how *I* am. Like you said, Ariana is a Dumbledore, and she's been surrounded by these eloquent people - and she thinks completely differently to anyone I've ever known, which is probably why I was able to do this! Thank you so so much for the compliments, they've made my week!

 Report Review

Review #9, by Dojh167Her Whisper is the Lucifer: Prologue

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

This story really feels like rolling the dice cause there’s no story summary so it could be anything =P And whoops, looked like I even read what was in the story shell wrong, since I thought this was a one shot. Ah well!

Oh, if Pansy has a thirteen year old, this is set much further in the future than I expected! I wonder how all the characters will have grown by this point.

I like how you list all of the presents sephora has received. Without you having to spell anything out, it does a good job of telling u skey things about both Sephora and Pansy and their relationship.

Okay, before I’m reading further I’m placing my bet that Sephora’s birthday wish is to meet her father, which is the secret Pansy has been keeping since a teenage =P amirite?

The fact that Scorpius exists in this story suggests to me that it is canon compliant. I am glad that Draco was still able to get a decent job after everything he and his family went through.

I really like the relationship that Pansy and Draco have here. Even though they have kept their connection a secret (is Pansy also Draco’s mother?), they seem to be on very comfortable terms, and I like that they have been able to maintain that despite the inevitable turmoil between them.

Wow, this seems a lot more complicated than a teenage affair! So maybe the secret isn’t the parentage of the children. But that seems most likely like what sephora would be so interested to know, but perhaps it is linked to something deeper and darker.

I’m also curious if the vow they’re talking about is a normal promise, or an actual unbreakable vow.

Wow, I’m really curious about this now! I need to stop reading first chapters of abandoned stories =P Give me a hint?

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #10, by Dojh167Astoundingly Ordinary: Free

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Wow, people very rarely write about Karkaroff, and much more rarely in a ship!

Your writing is so beautiful, and your descriptions and imagery really suck me into the same enamored state Igor is in.

I found the phrasing quite awkward at “The eyes that stared up at him, as dark as death itself, he got himself trapped in,” specifically with the last part. I guess it’s kinda formatted like Yoda speak?

Oh, is this woman a muggle? I like that, because it really does seem like she has him under a spell, just not the literal kind, I guess. I hope that the fact that he can love a muggle means that he doesn’t still hold the same supremacist views that he must have when following Voldemort.

Wow, so is this just a one night stand? What a fascinating intoxicating way to write it. I find it interesting that you characterize this is “raw love,” even though they don’t seem to know much about each other or plan on seeing each other again.

Oooh, I like characterizing the sun’s rays as “autocratic.” Directly followed by another fabulous line, “The sun could have her tomorrow”

I wasn’t certain when this was set until towards the end, when you clarified that Igor had just been released.

Not gonna lie, I’m kinda jealous that Igor can use sex to get himself out of bed every day, if that means he gets to have sex every day ;) I know I know, it’s a serious thing. But still.

This was a really interesting little story! You did a good job of exploring different sides of Igor’s story with showing instead of telling, and you honed in on some of the different interesting complexities that can exist in a single night of seemingly meaningless pleasure.

Well done!

Sam.

Author's Response: Hey, Sam!

Ever since writing this, I've been developing Karkaroff headcanon and I loved every bit of shipping him. Unfortunately, when I wrote this, I was super-pressed for time during a House Cup (and completely missed the mark for the prompt :P), so it is definitely in need of editing (and expanding). That'll probably be put off until I get around to moving it to the new archive.

The major reason I brought in 'raw love' is that I was trying to set it 'in-the-moment', and trying to convey some feelings that often get interwoven/confused with lust.

Whenever I do get to rewriting this, I'll try to make the timeline more clear from the beginning -- thanks for pointing that out! :D

;) Whatever gets him through the day!

Thanks for the review!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #11, by Dojh167In The End: Chapter One

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

First off, I adore your short chapters! Not just because this is a reviewing event and speed is of the essence, but because I really enjoy writing and reading in that style. You’ve done a good job with that here, really focusing in on the essentials and making a very powerful litte chapter.

The phrasing of “This has always been the case since her Hogwarts days. She had feelings for Remus Lupin” kind of confused me. With those sentences right next to each other like that, it looked like you were saying that she had feelings for Remus since her Hogwarts days. Especially because you use “had” instead of “has” when the rest of the story is present tense. But she wouldn’t have known him when she was in Hogwarts and certainly not in an age appropriate way.

In the books we don’t find out anything about Remus and Tonks’ relationship until book 6, so something feels very innocent and precious about this being set back when Sirius was alive. Like those were the good old days. And I think for Remus they were a bit better than after he lost his oldest friend, which may well have influenced how he saw things with Tonks.

I’m curious about what the state of Remus and Tonks’ relationship is at this point. She clearly likes him, but Sirius thinks it’s odd for them to even want to talk to each other, so it doesn’t seem like they’ve interacted much so far. I wonder if Remus knows of Tonks’ feelings or even thinks much about her.

This chapter really built up Tonks’ feelings with Remus, and I’m curious to see how he will react in the next chapter!

Sam.

Author's Response: You will definitely see more of their interactions! I am so glad you like it! I need to write more soon but with school that is kind of hard. I will try to write another chapter soon.

 Report Review

Review #12, by Dojh167infinite (we swear): post life

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

omg it’s not funny don’t be mean none of this is funny I’m fine.

I love the heartbreaking phrase “the graves of dreams”

And it is SO heartbreaking and rude that you give Frank a line about how the memories of the dead live on in them, when Frank lives on without his memories. I’m not fine.

This is also a really beautiful line: “eyes hating and loving all at once and then not at all.”

Hahaha, the idea of the marauders trying to all commentate on quidditch all at once is quite amusing. I wonder if that just happened that one time or if it was a regular occurrence XD Who was the regular commentator? Did the marauders or even one of them even have permission to do it? I can just imagine how McGonagall would react to all that!

Yes, it’s awful for James to be dead. But it’s somehow even more awful for him to be able to witness the confrontation between Sirius and Peter, understanding what must have happened, and watching the lives of everyone he knew unravel. Oh my, to think he could watch his son grown up, and then have to see Harry’s unhappy childhood. My poor heart. Let’s go back to death being desolate and empty please.

I’m with James yelling “Be okay, dammit” at everyone.

Another thing that is really sad about this (there are so many) is that James is separate from Lily. He can have no peace or happiness watching these events unfold with those left alive, nor can he have the peace of moving on with Lily.

Wait, was the ending a flashback, or after they were all dead? Was James finally able to move on once they had all died? I hope so, but ouch what does that mean for Lily?

It says a lot that James was finally able to forgive Peter, but I am glad that he did, and the marauders finally got some peace and joy together in the end.

This was really well written and also really upsetting. As I like to say:

Rude.

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #13, by Dojh167Doing the Right Thing: Doing the Right Thing

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

I’m honestly kind of surprised that Voldemort had been merciful on Draco for failing his mission to kill Dumbledore. He didn’t seem to expect for Draco to succeed or much care if he didn’t - he seemed more interested in punishing the Malfoys than keeping them among his ranks.

And wow, he was under so much pressure his first time around, I can only imagine how that would have multiplied by this point.

Wow, what intense infiltration they had pulled off, getting the minister’s secret keeper to be a death eater.

Excuse me, mister minister, I’d suggest that when you are awoken by a death eater in your house you don’t make idle chit chat about how he got there.

With this one I really wasn’t certain until the very end what Draco would choose, so well done with that.

One thing I quite liked about this piece was the vagueness of “doing the right thing.” There could indeed be different interpretations to that, depending on one’s perspective. Draco has been raised to believe that the “right thing” is to be loyal to his family and their ideals, but that is not what he chose here, adhering instead to a deeper moral imperative. I do like that in this decision, he is still in a way being loyal to his family, just in a different way than he historically has.

This was a cool little one shot, and I’m left quite curious to see how it ties into your longer story!

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #14, by Dojh167That Morning: That Morning

24th April 2017:
Hufllepuff CtF Review

Because of your summary I honestly expected this story to be about Vernon, which would have been an interested and rare choice. Instead you’re focusing on a different and more minor character, which I cannot complain about.

I really like the tiny detail that Dorcas had been planning on working in her garden that day. That really highlights the fact that this was just supposed to be another ordinary day, but instead something extraordinary and world-changing happened.

I like that you focus on the gossip and uncertainty about what happened here. In the books we see this event first through Dumbledore, Minerva, and Hagrid, all of whom know what has happened with certainty, but there were far more people like Dorcas and her neighbors who were entirely reliant on rumors.

And that’s a good point that a lot of people might not have known that it had happened in Godrics Hollow unless they had a line of gossip to the town, or even that the Potters had been involved. I wonder how people even figured out that Voldemort was involved.

It does seem a little odd that everyone in the neighborhood would know that was the Potters’ house, since it was supposed to be a secret.

Ow, that’s probably one of the last days someone will ask “Who are the Potters?” They really were just a young couple, and now they’re both famous and dead.

Haha at “they’re being very closed mouth about it,” when there’s gossip all over the wizarding world and beyond

Ouch. Somehow I had never considered the removal of James and Lily’s bodies. In my mind they died there and then they were just gone.

This was an interesting mix of exciting and sad, all in line with Doris’ perspective. It was a very interesting missing moment from a fresh perspective! Well done.

Sam.

Author's Response: Hi, Sam.

Thank you for writing a review for my little story. Please forgive me for taking so long to respond; I just recently checked this site for new reviews.

As you say, the wizarding world would have been aswirl with rumors, speculations, tiny snippets of information passed by word of mouth, and unanswered questions. Like you, I have wondered how people found out that Voldemort was involved.

The business about the cottage has always been a little vague in my mind. Godric's Hollow was half-Muggle, half-wizard, and I assumed that the cottage was standing before James and Lily moved into it, and that the Muggle citizens could see their wizarding neighbors and the cottages they lived in (without realizing that they were wizards, of course). How this all changes when a house is put under a Fidelius Charm is not clear to me. A good question.

The books are full of missing moments and tiny characters just waiting to be expanded. I have wanted to write Doris Crockford for a long time. Why was she so eager to make a connection with Harry when she met him in The Leaky Cauldron with Hagrid in the summer of 1991?

Thank you again for your kindness in reading my story and leaving such a thoughtful, detailed review!

Vicki


 Report Review

Review #15, by Dojh167The Internal Monologue of Wolfgang Kluge: Sin

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Hello! I’m not sure whether or not I need to have read the other stories in this universe for this one to make sense, but I’m going to jump right in and find out. I definitely want to give this story some love, since it doesn’t have many reviews on here. Hopefully it does on other sites, and if not I’m happy to help grow the love here.

Right off the bat you do a great job of being true to the “internal monologue” part of your story. I really feel like I’m within the main character’s mind, just as well as really well written second person narrative. Also, you do a good job of keeping his thoughts a perfect balance of to the point and believably wandering, without distracting from the narrative.

I really relate to the frustration of not being able to get my mind to track where I need to, and I think you captured that well here.

I don’t know who these characters is or the background of what’s going on, but that is okay with how you have written the story. While I may know more about the characters if I had read the other installments in the series, the fact that your MC is trying to put pieces together as well makes me feel right at home in my uncertainty.

I like how you characterize Annet. She is very sharp, reading into the questions her father asks, and as you say she doesn’t ask herself, she demands/interrogates.

Woah, weird. How could they create a human from thestrals? Were people who had not seen death able to see her when she was alive? Or did that only come into effect when she died?

Wow, there’s a lot going on here and I don’t quite understand what it all means, but at least Wolfgang doesn’t seem to either!

Oh wow, but what happened at the end? Did Wolgang try to kill himself? And then get his memories removed? So I don’t imagine we’ll understand what happened there for a while. I am curious whether the next chapters will take place after that last section, or portray what happened in between the sections.

I see you have this listed as a next gen story including Teddy/Victoire and I am interested to see how they come into play.

Interesting start!

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #16, by Dojh167Draco and Ginny Pudding: Who Is She?

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Omg I am SUCH a sucker for Draco/Ginny. I am thrilled you have multiple options for stories about them! I usually go straight for the shortest stories posted, so it’s quite notable that you tempted me away with a longer story with long chapters (normally anything over 1500 word gets my whiney).

The way you describe Draco seeing Ginny is so ethereal, kind of like in a hyper-romantic film sequence, where the world seems to slow down and the wind blows in her hair, and there are gentle lights and maybe mist. It is kind of over the top, but definitely sets the tone for the kind of story you are telling well.

OMG! The one thing I’m a bigger sucker for than Draco/Ginny is Dark!Ginny

The thought of Ginny actually enjoying herself at a Malfoy party does seem a little odd, and while I wouldn’t think that her finding Harry cheating would be enough for her to change sides, I can’t blame her for wanting a change of company, and she’s such a compelling force of nature, I can see her fitting in wherever she chose to go.

Ew, that stinks that Harry dictated that she couldn’t follow the career path she wanted to, and to work under him. Glares. That gets me a lot more mad at him than he cheating, to be honest =P

Yeah, waking up in Lucius Malfoy’s home is a very creepy way to end a night of drinking… Ginny doesn’t seem creeped though, cause she’s fearless.

Oh wow, way to slip in after she’s accepted the job that she needs to live with you…….. Creepy creepster is creepy. Still, in most of is dialogue Lucius comes across as calm and reasonable, although he clearly has nefarious motives.

A big unanswered question I have with this chapter is how Voldemort factors in. Has he been defeated, or is Harry still fighting against him? Is Draco doing missions for him or for someone else?

I’ll probably be back for more of this guilty pleasure of mine!

Sam.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing :)

To understand Ginny and Lucius you have to read on ;)

This was written in 2006, so after HBP released and before DH. The war from DH had not happened, set in the future, and Voldemort had not been defeated yet.



 Report Review

Review #17, by Dojh167The Network: Rat

23rd April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

I was going to be whiney about reading your long chapters (cause I’m a scaredy cat with low endurance) but this story has actually been on my reading list for years, so I’m glad his event i making me finally read it =)

Omg who in the world rehashes chess games played in pubs 25 year later

I am always creeped out by surveillance state things, and while I hadn’t considered thi for the wizarding world’s floo network before, I certainly believe it.

Haha, fartsmoke. I did not expect that.

It didn’t occur to me that Marietta would be old enough to work in the ministry by 1997, but it makes sense, especially in such a thankless position.

Wait, is this the real Reg Cattermole, or Ron polyjuicing as him? That would explain his peculiar behavior. Ased on his dialogue it doesn’t really look like that’s the case though.

I’m really curious about what Juniper Swift did that makes her considered a traitor. With the state of the ministry right now, it’s hard to say if they’re targeting Death Eater sympathizers of OotP sympathizers.

I wonder if Marietta started her job before or after the ministry takeover. Did the surveillance exist to a similar degree before that?

Yikes at getting a recommendation from Dolores Umbridge. Welp, at least Marietta got something positive out of betraying her friends? I find it notable that Umbridge rewarded her that much, instead of punishing her for being part of the DA in the first place.

Oh, I had totally blanked that Marietta would still have the SNEAK on her face/wore a balaclava.

I’m confused by the ending I thought that the owl would be delivering some kind of threat or something, but there’s no new information there. Unless perhaps someone will be targeting those people in the next chapter? I’ll have to come back to find out.

I think Marietta is a really interesting MC for this story. She is kind of somewhere between worlds here - she had initially sympathized with Harry, having joined the DA, but after betraying them and being assaulted by Hermione, you can’t blame her loyalties for having shifted. Still, I don’t imagine she truly shares the new regime’s views, although she goes along with the status quo and seems disgusted by the thought of mixing with muggles.

I’m really curious to find out what happens next!

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #18, by Dojh167Upper Class: Chapter One

23rd April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

I was told to expect lots of Dramione stories in the Slytherin author ages and they weren’t wong!

This story is based on a trope that I’ve heard of quite a bit before (surprise Hermione’s a pure blood), but I don’t think I’ve ever actually read a story about it, so I’m interested to see how you handle it.

Okay, so it looks like this story is DH compliant, since you mention Hermione’s parents being in Australia. The fact that they tell her this right after they return is interesting to me. They couldn't have been planning to do it for some time since they didn’t have their memories of Hermione, but perhaps when they regained them and realized what it felt like to be deceived like that they realized they had to tell the truth to Hermione.

Hehe, I love the introduction of Ron and Harry as incredibly lazy flatmates.

This line isn’t quite right: “loud crack and the sound of weeping disturbed their quiet evening, followed by a loud sound of weeping.” You seem to have weeping followed by weeping.

I’m with Ron, in that I have lots of questions! Your sections are really short, which is good in that it keeps the inertia and suspense of the scenes going - it feels kind of like scenes in film, where they end quite early and we don’t see everything resolved or discussed between characters.

Like Harry, I think it’s kind of odd that Hermione’s parents moved back to England while Voldemort was still in power and they were pregnant. I guess narratively I’m not sure why they had to move to France at all, instead of directly going into hiding as muggles. Maybe that will be relevant later. It also seems like overreacting to stay in hiding so long after Voldemort fell.

They must have had a really good reason for having to hide very well, to abandon use of magic and to blatantly lie to Hermione for so long. I can’t blame her for being upset. By the sounds of things there is more they haven’t told her though.

What has changed now that they finally want to return to their old lives?

At least hermione is twenty one and shouldn’t have to be part of her parents’ lifestyle more than she wants to.

Hermione’s parents don’t seem like the kind of people who would get on well with the Malfoys, but this is certainly making me question everything about them. If they were lood elitists, would they have really tried to be muggles? Are they still on good terms with the Malfoys, or did their hiding and the hint of them knowing something they shouldn’t put them at odds with the Malfoys?

I have so many questions! A very intriguing start =)

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #19, by Dojh167Unrighteous: Butterflies and More Lies

20th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Jumping to chapter 9 because #CTFlife. Let’s see how everything has changed! But it is very kind in that it gives me some exposition! I normally would discourage against opening a chapter with such narrative exposition, but because it serves me so well now I don’t think I can say that!

Okay, so Hermione is in love with Parker and Draco. I can live with that, so long as she’s not in love with that horrid Nathaniel =P

Whaaat Hermione’s been seeing this girl in her dreams? Cool, going with it. I’ll take note that when meeting a girl from my dreams, offer her tea and ask if she likes art.

I feel like I’m leaning forward as much as Hermione about this mysterious Underground Renegade - I want to know more as well, and I know less than Hermione (/your other readers)!

Is it Fight Club? It sounds like Fight Club.

Well, at least it makes sense to Hermione =P And I now know that Death Eaters are still active in this story.

Ugh, so Nathaniel still exists. We still get to roll our eyes at him though.

Haha, Draco has a good heart because he murdered a bad guy instead of a good guy. We’ll go with that for now.

This is such a great chapter for exposition, I continue to be glad I picked it!

Hehe, this girl just met Hermione, has never met Draco, and already ships them.

Oh, I didn’t realize she was so young!

Ouchouchouch I haven’t seen this relationship develop so I’m not sure invested, but I can tell it hurt Hermione a lot to hear this. I also don’t believe Draco that he was faking (at least completely), especially since he seems so set on protecting her, but we’ll have to wait and see for that.

I was going to say that this is an engaging start, but I guess it’s more like an engaging middle =P

I’m excited to read what comes next assuming this isn’t the flag, and we’ll see where it goes in the chronology =P

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #20, by Dojh167Unrighteous: Turbulent Thursday

20th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

So maybe Ya’ll weren’t kidding about using Dramione stories as flags..

I haven’t read the prequel, so I’m going into this not totally understanding all the context, such as the history with Parker and the other OCs, but I’ll roll with it.

But what’s going on with Hermione’s memories? Did something so bad happen she’s trying to forget it? That’s dire! Make good choices, Hermione!

Oh, okay - now we’re going back to get context. Good think I reread those dates!

Nathaniel’s introduction here makes it look like he wasn’t in the requel, so at least I should be u to speed with his stuff (at least as much as Hermione is).

Whoa there Nathaniel. What’s your problem? Ugh he is supposed to be her partner and he’s new, what gives him the right to boss her around, and in such an unfair way?

I’m already wondering if Draco will be more or less infuriating than Nathaniel when he shows up.

Ugh, he thinks he has more power just because he’s physically bigger than Hermione??? Someone turn him into a ferret.

And then even Hermione’s friends grab her without warning. I know Harry didn’t mean it aggressively and Hermione may not have taken it that way once she realized it was him, bot boy does she have to deal with a lot of insufferable men.

Haha, Hermione’s idea of how things will go sounds too good to be true. Sorry, girl. =P That’s what you get for existing in chapter one.

Well, I can’t say I’m surprised by Nathaniel’s note, and Hermione shouldn’t be either after that introduction.

I’m really interested in this so far! I’m curious to see how the relationship between the characters will develop =)

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #21, by Dojh167Between the Trees: Chapter One

20th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Hello! Here for chapter two and very curious what happens!

GIRL IN THE BOY’S DORM! I’m good. Just had to be that person.

I tend to think of Teddy as being a very lively and open person (maybe it’s the blue hair), but it makes sense that, having lost his family, he would be a bit of a loner who doesn’t let people in. Definitely with those Lupin genes =P I like how you combined those things and made him sometimes very jovial and sometimes not.

The dynamic between Teddy and Victoire makes me really sad. They are really eager to help and please each other, but can’t quite communicate openly (or at least Teddy can’t).

The question “who could fathom what it was like to have never known their own parents?”makes me wonder if there are other students whose parents died in the war (I suppose they would mostly have to be older than Teddy, as he was born so soon before the final battle). And Harry of course never knew his parents, but I suppose that doesn’t help Teddy feel less alone at school.

I am glad that Teddy at least knows how to ask for help when he needs it, and that Harry has so many wonderful stories he is so ready to tell ♥

It’s kind of weird to see Remus written as “your father.”

“We spoke about it afterwards.” Lowkey way of saying “We totes shipped them.”

This story was so very touching! It was a really good mix of the sweet and the sad, which made it feel very real. I also think it stands on its own very well - I practically forgot that I was reading a multi chapter fic - this could work really well as a oneshot, but as it is I’m glad that I get to come back for one more chapter.

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #22, by Dojh167Opals and Fire: Cuckoo

19th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Wow, I feel like every time I come back for a round you have a new story up! Which is great for both you and us =) I cannot imagine how you can leave so many reviews and still be productive enough to post multiple new stories! *bows down*

This is a really interesting part of the books to make into a one shot of. I certainly wouldn’t have thought of it, as it seems like we saw that moment clearly enough, but you are so right that although we saw it through Harry’s eyes we cannot feel it, and reading back over the original passage I see it there was a focus on things Katie could see and feel that nobody else could, so I think it’s a good idea to tell it from Katie’s perspective, and you’ve done it with such a powerful voice.

At the “down, down, down” part I was honestly uncertain if Katie was still experiencing the direct effects that Harry witnessed, or if it was after the worst was supposedly over. I like this uncertainty, because Katie herself doesn’t fully understand what is happening.

Wow. Everything about how you describe how the familiar faces look changed to Katie is breathtakingly disturbing and riveting.

There’s a really interesting balance between Katie seeing totally out of control, but then at times having very strongly formed thoughts, particularly about her aversion to being “crazy.”

I adore the paragraph beginning “You are Katie Bell.”

I really like that you let Katie fight herself out of this. I had just seen it as something horrible that had happened to her and eventually ended, but I really like the dimensions you added my giving her agency here, even when she had so little power.

I’m really glad you were able to post this while we still had a match against you so I got to read it!

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #23, by Dojh167Making a Broken Heart: Making Mistakes

19th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

I’m coming into this without having read anything else in the Making It universe (as far as I recall), which explains why the story summary left me with no idea what this was about =P

Your description here is excellent. We don’t know anything about your main character (at least those of us who aren’t familiar with the rest of your universe), but your description grounds us very well in the moment, and also tells us a lot about your main character through how she acts and feels about that without you having to spell anything out.

I love the line “instead of flying, I was falling. Instead of magic it was science.” It has a really clever rhythm to it.

Okay, we’re following Molly! Not sure if I missed that in the chapter description or something, but now I’m caught up. I had correctly assumed from the narrative that the protagonist was female, so I was at least that far.

Christopher is awfully confident, diagnosing and mending a broken wrist on his own. I suppose as a quidditch captain he may see them more regularly than other students would.

So far this is really cute, though the story title certainly makes me wonder if it will stay that way!

You list this as a short story collection, so I’m not sure what to expect from it overall. The story summary makes it sound like it will all be about Molly and Christopher, but since I don’t have the context from other stores I’m not sure how long they were together. I am certainly interested in coming back for more here, but also your other stories - choices, choices!

Well done, you hooked me!

Sam.

 Report Review

Review #24, by Dojh167Run: Run

19th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

I like how you referred to the moon in the opening name just as “the celestial body.” The indirectness there indicates an aversion, kind of like that-in-the-sky-which-must-not-be-named

I wonder if Remus’ feverish symptoms have to do with his transformation, or if he’s also sick. Being both at once must be awful!

Ooooh maybe this is the first full moon when they all transform together! I normally go into short Remus stories expecting them to be very dark and hopeless, but perhaps this one is different! That’s good - Remus deserves some good times, and we deserve some happier Remus stories!

Oh, is this after the marauders sneaked Snape into discovering Remus? I suppose I never knew whether that was before or after they became animagi.

I’m really impressed that they were able to keep that a secret! And also very impressed that they were able to do the research and magic without Remus’ help.

I really like how you incorporate “run” into this story, first with Remus demanding that the others run away, and then with them having the freedom to run together ♥

Haha, Remus transformed just in time to not waste breath objecting to what was already done =P

Haha, the others promptly argueing about nicknames while Remus tries to be the (loudly) sensible one =P

HAHAHA James and Sirius shut up for a month, they are such self sacrificing friends =

This was super fun, and very refreshing for a Remus story! Nicely done.

Sam.

Author's Response: I always thought this would end up being the happiest period of Remus' life despite the inevitable conflict he would be feeling.
I think the marauders would almost always try to introduce humour to every situation, and would view this as an adventure as much as a way to help their friend. Bless them.
I also find the thought of them being unable to talk for a month hilarious :D :D :D
Thank you so much for the review xxx


 Report Review

Review #25, by Dojh167Christmas Magic: Christmas Magic

19th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

I finally came back for one of your newer stories - the newest in fact! And boy am I glad it’s fluff! Haha, but your drabble is the length of a longish chapter for me =P

In the beginning I was a bit confused about some details, like who the narrator was and how olds the kids were. At first I assumed they were pre-Hogwarts, but big words like “namesake” threw that off. With the mention of the quidditch season I thought they may be hogwarts aged, and it wasn’t until the second section that I knew they were graduated. You also have a couple OCs that I don’t know how they fit in. Because you mention them without any detailed introduction, I’m guessing they perhaps appear as OCs in your other stories.

Twins for every Weasley/Prewett generation!

Waiiit, do they have a dog named padfoot??? &heats; ♥ ♥

Whose Nana Marge? Can’t be Aunt Marge =P But I can’t think of who else it would be.

In “My mother and step-dad; Patrick were” the colon should be a comma, with another comma after Patrick

This was a really nice little fluffy oneshot. It’s nice to just let fluff be fluff sometimes, especially after all the trials everyone has faced. Even though I think I was missing a lot of context by not reading your other Flick stories, but I enjoyed seeing this little slice of holiday life for your characters =)

Sam.

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>