Hey :D That was a sweet one shot. Fluffy and romantic! The sentences flowed well most of the time and it was well written. I'd like to point out a couple of things though -- the most obvious one first of all, that the age difference between Tonks and Remus was more than two years (which I think is what it seems to be here) and besides, they weren't even at Hogwarts together. They didn't meet before our HP timeline.
But anyway, even allowing for that, I have to admit that both of them do seem a trifle out of character... I mean, we can't know how they behaved when they were younger, but neither strike me as behaving like that. No offense meant, that's just how I see it -- but I still think it was a well worked out one-shot, no jumping around, and the story was told very prettily. Well done :)Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reviewing. (:
Yeah, I know... I realized that right after I'd posted it. -.-
Okay. I've gotten that comment before, and I can see that. I should really fix that, I know. I will when I can.
Thank you very much! I apologize for the errors, but thanks for reviewing anyhow. (:
-Jasmine Report Review
That was absolutely awesome. XD I should be sleeping, but instead I'm in stitches... I loved the references -- and the rocks (Prometheus!) -- and it's certainly a much better thought out plan than most Marauder pranks tend to be. Hilarious, but not completely insane, either. I loved it. Great work! Report Review
I love how you put the quote in the beginning. Puts the entire thing into perspective. Funny, really -- before HBP, I could hardly think of Remus/Tonks without a question mark, but now it's more along the lines of, of course Remus/Tonks!
To me, it does seem like it would fit into canon. Brilliantly described, and I loved the characterization. Even in the most awkward moments Tonks was very Tonks and Remus very Remus. I feel so sorry for both of them! Brilliantly written, and I love how you imagined it. Absolutely perfect. Fits into Tonks' behaviour during HBP so well it's amazing. How do you always know the right words to use, too?!Author's Response: It's great that you liked the quote! It seemed to fit that, because the story needed to fit into HBP, that including a quote would root the story in canon a little more. This particular quote really stood out in the book as the sudden realization that the ship did, in fact, exist. :D It was very sneaky of JKR to slip the ship in the way that she did, yet it made for a great mystery, trying to figure out what was wrong with Tonks.
Oh wow, thank you for this review! It's so uplifting to get one like this, and I really appreciate that you took the time to read and review this story. I'm pleased with how the story turned out, which is pretty rare, so it means a lot that people enjoy reading it, too. ^_^
The characters were a challenge to write, so it's great to hear that they fit in with canon. Tonks is wonderfully awkward, and Remus can be awkward too, though in a different way. As for choosing the words, I don't know how it happens. Perhaps it's the perfectionism (sitting there glaring at the screen until the right words come :P).
Again, thank you! Report Review
Oh, my God. That was... absolutely amazing. Caroline's characterization was so unique, so well done, it IS absolutely amazing. James was so, so right. It sounds perfect. Your language is amazing, you always have the right words, and the occasional inflections of humour are absolutely wonderful. Honestly, I think this must have been flawless.Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed it. It was really different from anything I've done before, so thank you! Report Review
"They finally reached a dusty basement which smelled like the Creme egg you forgot to eat last year and decided to eat now- with disastrous consequences."
I love you for that line. XD
Anyway, sorry for leaving a review so late in the story, but I couldn't help it -- I've been clicking next as fast as my fingers can reach the trackpad for the past forty minutes solid. I love this story! I love how you've characterized Rose (so different from everyone else) and Scorpius/OC is so much more gratifying than all the Rose/Scorpius that we get all the time. Wonderful work, 10/10!Author's Response: Oh, thankyou so much, its great having a new reviewer! I love that line too, I was at the moment of writing it with my best friend who was very messily eating a creme egg and it gave me the idea :P I so happy you like the story that much, although I myself am so used to Violet se never appears as an OC in my mind- I never realised it was Scorpius/OC. I really like Rose's charecter as she is more flawed than many of my other charecters so I can laugh at her and make her more intersting. Thanks for the brilliant review!
xx Report Review
That was so awesome. XD
I'm not generally a slash reader... but when I saw this on your author page I simply had to give it a shot. It was absolutely hilarious and so well done. Brilliant, I can't believe this is your first slash!Author's Response: Wow, thank you for such lovely compliments! I'm so glad you liked the story, thank you for reading! :D Report Review
Er... just wanted to let you know, James Potter was actually a Chaser, not a Seeker, as the last reviewer said. The movies messed it up, and if you're sticking to canon he's a Chaser.
As to the story - several things I'd like to point out, if you don't mind; please don't take any offense!
First, the spacing in the first part of the chapter. It makes it really, really difficult to read when the spacing is inconsistent or sometimes just not there. Maybe a beta could fix that for you, unless you already have one, in which case you might want to go over it again.
Second, I can see a lot of hints of cliches here you really need to avoid, as far as I can see. Being that close to Dumbledore, the phoenix in the common room, Sirius being a 'sex god' (I particularly don't like that one), Sirius being her nemesis when it's fairly obvious they're going to end up together (if they aren't, well, apologies, but it's still not good), all the fancy spellings -- Arya, not Ayra; you keep changing the spelling of Marietta; etc -- Ayra being in the 'Hall of Fame' and being a 'mastermind', and... er...
Sorry, I just thought I should point out that the basis is close to a cliche and the FMC bordering on Mary-Sue. Apologies again! I'm just trying to give you some constructive criticism, and I don't know I'm doing much of a job of it.
Gah! Sorry.Author's Response: No, it's fine. I've been really busy lately, and i started this story 2 years ago, and never checked up on anything in it. I'll have to go through it and simple it up- but i really appreciate your critisism->i really need it :) Thank you so much for taking your time to tell me :) That means alot. Report Review
All I have to say is that this was much, much better than you attempted to make me believe!
I agree with Alex, though... I love how he died simply. Absolutely perfect for Jamie. -huggles him... okay, both of them-
It'd be awesome if you would write about Aidan; he pretty much automatically sounds as if he has great potential.
You know, it kinda surprises me, how easily writing so much seems to come to you, despite how you were assuring me how your prefer minimalism (that's what it seemed like to me, anyway). -shakes head- Ah well, at least there's more of your writing for me to read!
If not Jamie, do write more. -squish-Author's Response: Thanks for reading, Vera (: Simple deaths work wonders, eh?
I would like to thank you for giving me the idea for a new story (Aidan, chapter one is validating right now) and I hope it'll tie up some of the more underlying loose ends to Jamie's story. It'll be from Rebecca's and Aidan's point of view.
Minimalism is my preferred method for roleplay, and writing a lot (though you can hardly call Leaving London long!) comes easily when I'm feeling inspired. I guess I'll have to be inspired a lot in the next few weeks if Aidan is going to work.
Cheers, Vera! (: Report Review
It's hardly as dry as you claim!
Okay, you said CC is welcome, so I'll try. Firstly, I find this slightly surprising because it's rather different from your writing that I regularly read - it seems faster; slightly more rushed. But I loved the lines you put in - such as the last one, or the comment about how dinner commenced peacefully. :)
The second thing is that it seems kind of short - I was actually rather surprised when it finished. I expected it to be a little longer, but now that I look back, it's perfect the way it is. ;)
-Huggles- 9/10!Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Vera! It's a good thing you didn't think this was too dry, otherwise I'd likely have dashed off to fix it...if I could think of how to.
To be honest, the writing that you read of me most often (you meant PW, I should hope) isn't my natural writing style. This isn't either, but it's a lot closer to how I normally write stories. It took forever to learn to RP write and I tend to differentiate between story writing and RP writing, beacause they ARE different. In stories, I need to be in full control of the characters, and I don't often feel the need to write every single thing out.
However, this story was written in like, a day (when I first found the challenge it all poured out more or less), so you're probably right about it being rushed.
I have a tendency to write short. In most of my other stories, I tend to cut off rather quickly, mainly because a) I want to leave a rather surprised effect and b) I haven't a clue what to say next.
I'm glad you liked the little lines though.
Again, thank you for the review!!!!! Report Review
Aside from the fact I don't like Ron/Hermione much... that was great! :)
Sorry for the short review, but that's just pretty much what I have to say. ;)Author's Response: I don't like R/Hr much either, never wanted it to become cannon but it did so oh well...thanks! It's alright, it's a review :P Report Review
I loved the JKR reference! xD
Thanks so much for the brilliant entry in my challenge! :D I loved it; Mr Weasley was perfectly written. :)
VeraAuthor's Response: Yay! Thank you! I loved the doughnut you sent me! Report Review
Woo hoo! I loved this chapter; so sweet! Update soon! ^_^
VeraAuthor's Response: Oooh, I like 10s. Hope that I can give you more. ;) Report Review
Hello! Vera here (obviously) to review as promised. :)
Well, so I don't know what to say! A Harry/Hermione story - which, just so you know, is my top pairing - and so brilliantly written too. Let it suffice to say I love it. :D
VeraAuthor's Response: Vera! I had no idea! I was expecting to have to convince a few readers. ;) I'm very happy that you like it, and thanks again for the inspiration. I'll be done soon. Report Review
You're pretty much inducing me to write a fic about my characters as well. ^^
Anyway, I like the descriptions. Now I see where your posts come from. Great to see what Halliwell Manor looks like!
And wait -- did the PW Derrick actually have his parents killed in such a manner? o.o Talk about dark pasts.Author's Response: Well not really, depends on how the flow goes in PW.. maybe.. just maybe.. but Derrick does have a dark past ;) Report Review
I loved it! (Yes, I know it's unoriginal, but bear with me.)
One question, though. The summary says he has to see her love his brother. Do you mean Charlie? Or is it Remus, who is called his brother in a figurative sense?
Anyway, 10/10. And I love the banner. ^^Author's Response: *sigh* a complex question. OK, so I know you didn't mean for this to be a complex question, but it is. :) Promises was a spinoff from a really crappy story I wrote called Harry Potter and the Prophet's Star. I've long since allowed it to be used as a guinea pig for a lot of or coders testing and finally deleted it not so terribly long ago. It was popular enough, it was just bad :P BUT, in the spirit of not letting too many sub plots in (because it was my attempt to write current era trio and I kept allowing the grown-up's to ebb in a bit too far) I spun off a sub-plot regarding Bill, Lupin and Tonks to Promises. With that having been said, however, since it was existing on the sidelines, it worked just fine with Charlie in Lupin's place and, mind, this was shortly after the release of OOTP when people thought that Lupin/Tonks was completely insane.
SO...to help ease the transition a bit, I just changed a few words and called it Charlie... Of course, since having it be charlie really doesn't fit into my whole "master plan" of the series, I think I might do a little bit of tweaking all tehse years later to turn it back to what I intended it to be in the beginning. Report Review
Ah, ohkay, I'll begin with the minor mistakes.
1. 'She scowled, though an amused smile played across her face.' She can't scowl and smile at the same time! You do both with your lips.
2. '... now-empty cup. A few moments later, he smiled and returned the glass to her.' First it was a cup, next moment a glass?
3. 'McGonagall tried to yank the microphone from her hands.' All evidence points towards the fact that Lily was in fact rather a favorite of the teachers. I mean, she was in the Slug Club, she had to be liked. She was sort of like Hermione from all we know, and, believe me, neither McGonagall nor Lily would ever be rude to each other.
4. James and Lily being so nice to each other? Nope, not that easy. She's hated him for six years!
... sorry if that offended you, it was just CC.
Keep it up! 9/10, because the song was awesome. Join a band, record the song, and give it to me for my iPod! Woot!
Cheerz!Author's Response: Nope, it's completely fine! I'm glad, actually! Really helps me w/ my characterization. In this story, I wanted to catch a more rebellous side of Lily (you seemed to have pointed this out! Thanks again!!!
ps--thanks for the song thing--means a lot more to me than you think! Report Review
That was great, and I see only two points of improvement.
1. I'm not sure how to phrase this, but your way of writing is a bit... well, old world. 'A smile spread across her pink lips,' I mean, it's nice and all, but what's wrong with 'She smiled softly,' or something?
2. It needs a bit more description of the things around them.
9/10, keep it up!
Can do. =) Thanks for the review!
-Carrie Report Review
Wow, I really liked this. Like, a lot. I'm a big fan of Snape, so you can tell where I'm coming from. ;)
And I really don't know what critique to give. Just one thing - I know every one says long chapters are the best, but if they're average length, people won't forget what they thought about the first para by the time they get to the last. :)
Cheerz!Author's Response: Woot, Snape fans! Haha, truthfully though, I'm pretty new to being a Snape fan. I couldn't get through the chapter The Prince's Tale in DH without becoming one, though... And I always knew he wasn't evil, anyways. :-)
Gah, I know, I write so much! It's hard to decide how long to make the chapters, because if they're long and I finish this story, I think it's going to be pretty lengthy, but if I make them shorter and end up finishing this story, it might end up being realllllly long...! Decisions, decisions...
Thank you for your input!!! And the 10/10!! :-D Report Review
LOL! That was cool! Though it's a bit confusing; I mean, I understood why Ron would use a Firebolt as a teddy bear, after all, he is totally jealous of Harry, but it took me a minute to get to, and some people might not get it at all.
Meh, did that even make sense? But, anyway, I really liked this, specially because I can twist my imagination and make myself believe this was HHr. LOL!
Cheerz!Author's Response: I'm glad you like it! Yeah, I can see where it might be a little confusing, but I didn't really want this story to make sense. A little light-hearted story for someone to read if they had a bad day. Thanks for the review! Report Review
You have me hooked. *Proceeds to read Fred/George first*
Me x This Story = Love.
10/10Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much!! XD I'm totally ecstatic to hear that you've enjoyed it!! Thank you for your lovely reviews and for reading, too!! Nothing makes me happier than having my reviewers enjoy my fanfics. XD Thanks so much!! Report Review
Spanking! A spanking! Oh, a glorious, glorious spanking!
PS No, I am not crazy.Author's Response: ...Um, I'm glad you liked it? XD Thank you so much for the review!! I'm so happy you loved this chapter. It was fun to write! :D Thanks so much for the ten out of ten again!! XD Report Review
I think... Ruthie is a big, fat, horrid, rude git. And that you've written her brilliantly. :D
10/10Author's Response: Oh, thank you so so much!! XD *prances around happily* I'm thrilled to hear that I've written her well. XD Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!! And for the ten out of ten!! :D Report Review
I would have liked it more if she had been put in Slytherin. I KNOW the Hat takes your choice in account, but still. *Shrug*
9/10.Author's Response: Yes, I know what you mean, personally. While I was writing it, I figured she would want Gryffindor because her uncle was in Gryffindor (actually, now that I think about it, he was probably in Slytherin *takes DH into account and the way he acted there*). And, I wanted to make her in the same House as Harry, Ron, and Hermione...just 'cause. XD So, I know what you mean, but I see it as the Sorting Hat seeing how she would be if she wasn't spoiled, and how her family was all in Gryffindor, so there you go. :P Thank you so much for the review!! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :D Report Review
Schoonkums? Did I spell that right? o.O
10/10!Author's Response: Lol! XD Thank you so much for the review!! Um, that's how it's supposed to be spelled, but I actually spelled it wrong - Shnookums - and I was so mad at myself, because I had wanted it to be spelled exactly as you put it. *headdesk* Thank you so much for the review!! :D And thank you for the ten out of ten!! XP Report Review
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