Reading Reviews From Member: leaney
  
71 Reviews Found

Review #1, by leaneyInevitable; It Had To Be You: A Jayded Past

11th February 2011:
Leaney here with your review!

First off, may I just apologize how long it's taken me to get to you. You've been at the top of my review list for ages! Anyways, I'm excited to read your newly updated opening chapter! I feel like you did really well with description. The opening was unique. I like the background we get on Jayde that will be ever so helpful as the story progresses, I'm sure. Your flow is done nicely and I can't seem to spot anything too distracting on the grammar front. You make Jayde seem like a person the reader can relate to in a way. You don't make her or the story feel threatening and I simply cannot wait to find out what happens next for her! Keep up the good work dear!

-leaney

Author's Response: Eep! Thank you so much!! It's totally okay, I knew you must have been very busy! I'm glad you thought the opening was unique, and that it flows well. As for the background, it will indeed help as the story progresses! *winks* Yes! I'm glad you found her to be relatable! I'm glad to hear you can't wait to find out what's next! Thank you so much for your time, and the review!

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Review #2, by leaneyRisks to be Wise: The Bitter End

11th February 2011:
Leaney from the forums here!

First off, let me apologize for getting to you so late! I really love reading a good Founder's one shot every now and again. Yours was refreshing and I really took to it. I'm fascinated by the diadem, Helena, and Ravenclaw plotline in general and I love what you did with this one-shot. You made Helena a character who was easy to read and easy to sympathize with. Your opening was well crafted. Since the details surrounding the events in Albania and Helena are so vague, I think the creative licenses you took were wonderfully chosen. They seemed realistic. Your detail was well done and I had little problem with your flow. Keep up the good work!

-leaney

Author's Response: thanks for the review! :) i'm really happy you liked it. :D

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Review #3, by leaneyFramed: Chapter 1: The Discovery

9th January 2011:
leaney again!

Okay, I really liked this chapter! I felt like the reader got a better sense of your writing style and where exactly the plot is going. I found your characterization was done quite nicely and the flow was superb. I found absolutely no issues with anything grammar or dialogue related. Your description fit the bill as well. I can't wait to delve deeper into the story and really get to thick of the plot! Nice chapter!

-leaney

Author's Response: thanks for reviewing again! chapter 3 is now up if you're interested :)

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Review #4, by leaneyFramed: Prologue: The Crime

9th January 2011:
Leaney from the forums here!

First off, I haven't come across a good HP mystery fic in a long time. So that being said, I was actually pretty excited to get to read this when you requested a review! Your first line was quite captivating. For some reason I really liked that it was inside job. I the tone of the whole story. It was comfortable and casual. On the grammar front I didn't really notice any issues. My only suggestion is to slow down a little bit. I found myself confused at some parts. All in all, your provided us with a nice intro. -off to read Chapter 1-

-leaney

Author's Response: thanks for the review! i was hoping to make it a little confusing, but not so confusing that you couldn't understand where it was going, if that makes sense :P

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Review #5, by leaneySomeday: Of Love and War

9th January 2011:
Leaney from the forums here with your review!

First off, let me apologize for keeping you waiting! With the holidays I sort of allowed myself to get a little backed up. As far as your story goes, I really loved the concept of it. I thought the story was going to be too fluffy for my taste, but as I continued to read I was actually quite touched. I loved the short alternating time periods. I felt like I could easily feel connected to either Frank or Neville and I liked seeing them paralleled in this manner. I loved the repitition of 'Someday' especially in the last segment pertaining to Neville. Your flow is fine. I couldn't spot any issues with grammar and I your use of description was really spot on! Keep up the amazing work! This was a delightful little read!

-leaney

Author's Response: Hey Leaney! Don't worry about it; I completely understand. I've been neglecting my review thread for the same reason haha.

Wow, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I was worried that the last two sections were perhaps too rushed, but it's nice to hear you didn't think so. Haha I'm not a fan of anything TOO fluffy so I tried to avoid that.

Thank you so much for all of the compliments! And for the review itself, of course. ^^


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Review #6, by leaneyRonald's Box: Sortings and brilliant plans

31st December 2010:
Leaney again!

Oh Dearie! This story is amazing, and I'm not just saying that! Generally, I try to give a fair variety of comments on each story while remaining pretty neutral. However, I can't seem to stop reading awe! -takes a breath- I MUST stop fangirling long enough to focus on writing down this review! Okay, to begin, I really feel like the characters are cannon. I feel like you've stayed very true to each of them and they're all portrayed pretty brilliantly. Even Ron's voice in the past feels like it's ringing true! Your subtle humor makes me smile! I especially like the part where Rose comments on how weird Hugo's sorting was (Weirdest. Sorting. Ever.). I have no idea why I found it so amusing, but I could just picture her saying it. I also like the part where Al dismisses Lily at the end for asking what Teddy wouldn't enchant for him. Also, I've noticed that your chapters aren't particularly long. Usually, I find that to be a turn off since it usually leaves me unsatisfied. Your story is different. Your chapters feel like just the right amount and they make me excited to read on to the next! I'm excited that they'll be able to go into the letter! Keep up the good work! No complaints on this chapter for me!

Author's Response: Thanks a bunch for this heartfelt fangirl review!! You have no idea how much I loved it!!!
The first two chapters are particularily short, I agree but see, the story wasn't supposed to go like this at all at first but the second chapter was rejected (my idea didn't fit with TOS) so I had to find something else. I think this idea is far better but it gave two short chapters... I'm considering melting the two first chapters together to make a longer one but this is still in question...
Thank you so very much and be certain that I will re-request from you in later times (when the beta-ed version has been approved more like, that way it should be more enjoyable for you!)!


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Review #7, by leaneyRonald's Box: Finding the box

31st December 2010:
Leaney from the forums here!

To begin, I was browsing through HPFF a few days before you made your request and was tempted to read this story (your banner & description are delightful). However, I got distracted and figured I would catch it some other time. You have no idea how excited I was to see you requested a review! So, here I am! You stated in your author's note that you're a beginning author, but I truly couldn't tell! Your plot was really original and that is something completely hard to come by! I loved the beginning. Summer is always hot and boring! I think everyone can relate to that. Also, everyone, I think, can relate to guiltlessly going through their parent's things. I know I've gone through my parent's boxes of stuff before and everything has a story! You have a quite a knack for humor too! G-Mum?! Oh, I seriously laughed way harder than I should've over that! -snorts/chuckles- G-Mum! As far as any criticism goes, I only spotted one little typo, maybe one or two misplaced commas, and one spelling mistake. Nothing serious! I think you have a really great foundation here and I can't wait to read the next chapter! Great work! -adding to favorites as I type-

-leaney

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your sweet review; it really touched me. I hope you keep on reading and appreciate the rest just as much. It is really hard to come up with something original here and I am really, really glad you think this falls in this category.
Thank you once more.


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Review #8, by leaneyLove At First Kris: Part II

31st December 2010:
Leaney again!

First off, may I just gush about how much I love your lengthy little author's notes? Anyways, the story. Focus. This chapter was easy to read, although everything seemed to be happening really fast. Kristen and James fall in love so quickly! However, I am glad that that fact is generally acknowledged throughout the story. They also fought about something that I consider pointless and mundane. Sure, he should've probably told her that he was leaving her for a moment (a-duh Al!), but I don't think that it should've sparked that sort of drastic reaction from her. If someone left me while I was in a dressing room, sure I'd be really pissed, but I don't think I would 'hate' that person. Hate is a strong word. But, every person and every couple has their quirks. Overall, nice chapter! The ending was sweet! Keep on writing!

-leaney

Author's Response: Kristen is the type of person who always has everything under control, so when she sees herself falling for Al so quickly, small things start to annoy her; hence that drastic reaction to him up and leaving :D
i'm glad that you liked it! :D
thanks for getting to this so soon! :D
Ak~


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Review #9, by leaneyLove At First Kris: Part I

31st December 2010:
Leaney from the forums (finally!)

First off, sorry to have kept you waiting so long for this review! I read this a few days ago and forgot to submit your review the first time around! Whoops! Anyways, I think you have a good starting place for your story. Your title is mighty witty, may I also add. I liked how the story opened and I like that we immediately get a sense of who Al is and how he interacts with his seemingly dysfunctional family. I think it's refreshing that Rose and Scorpius aren't together and that Rose and Al aren't glued to the hip. Most stories portray them as each other's best friend, but there seems to be more dimension to that relationship. Kristen, so far, seems mysterious yet likeable. I can't make any judgements about her really. I also found bits of your dialogue highly amusing. Especially the part about all the curves and no brakes! Gah, what a line! Your style of writing is also very straight forward. The flow is good, just make sure to keep your details and dialogue polished up! The only criticism I seem to have stems from Al's character. He seems kind of shy and unsure of himself, but around Kristen he's some big Quidditch playing hotshot? He sort of transforms into a line dropping jerk! Haha. I was a tad confused. Perhaps, he was just trying to impress her (unsuccessfully, might I add) and I'm reading entirely wrong into it? On the grammar front, I only spotted a few spelling errors and maybe a comma or two out of place. Nothing serious! I'm off to read the next chapter! I can't wait to see where it will take me! (:

-leaney

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Review #10, by leaneyAnnora : Slytherin

23rd December 2010:
Leaney again for chapter too!

Again, I really liked this chapter. I'm getting a better feel for Annora, but I still find her mysterious. I know her family is on the darker side of things, but does she really adhere to all of it? Is she really a dark witch or does she do it out of loyalty/fear? Hmmm, something to ponder. I liked that you took the time to introduce the characters and clearly establish everyone's relationships. I can't wait to see what begins developing between her and Draco. Grammar wise, I didn't spot anything distracting. Oh, and I really liked Annora's interaction with Snape, Dumbledore, and the sorting hat. You've kept everything feeling really cannon! My only suggestion is to just polish up the dialogue some. Can't wait for the next chapter! I hope it gets juicer! Overall, excellent job!

-leaney

Author's Response: Hello again,
Glad you liked it and that you're getting a better feel for Annora but I want her to be mysterious a bit longer and so you'll slowly get to know her and tbh she is exactly a nice person :/
Thank You! So happy you liked it!
I'll try and do that sometime and will defianately concentrate on conversation in the next Chapters.
Lily :)


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Review #11, by leaneyWhite Lie: Donut eating security who don't share

23rd December 2010:
Interesting chapter. In my opinion, it almost had too much going on in it. I often times found mysef skipping sections in order to get to the good/funny parts. I appreciate your use of detail, but sometimes it can actually take away from an upbeat action laced scene such as this one. I was also kind of disappointed that there wasn't more going on with Oliver in this chapter. Wasn't he the entire reason that she was even at that horrid club (and he didn't even recognize her)? Haha! On a brighter note, I thought Pen DJing was kinda of hilarious. Her night was entertaining to read and really believeable! Nice story overall and I wish you the best on your chapters in the future!

Tons of love,
leaney

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! I'm sorry that some of the parts were boring but one the bright side I'm glad it was believable :) I should have put more Oliver in there I realize that now but I just thought that that moment would be a perfect time to introduce Alexander.

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Review #12, by leaneyWhite Lie: In which obvious things are pointed out.

23rd December 2010:
Wow! Pen really has gotten herself into a boatload of trouble, hasn't she? So far, I really like this story. It's keeping me interested. I wonder how Pen will pull this one out! Oh, goodness! I like your development of the story and the characters. Seeing Pen interact with Oliver and Athena is definitely a highlight for me. Grammatically I didn't spot any errors. The only thing I spotted was this little sentence:
-'No you have to get used to the outfit.' I pout.
I think it should read:
-'No you have to get used to the outfit,' Athena pouted.

Also, I find it really interesting how much Oliver is immersed in technology. Ipods and online classes? Whoa! Haha. Anyways, another top-notch chapter! -off to the next-

-leaney

Author's Response: The explanation for way Oliver knows so much muggle stuff is coming up in like one or two chapters (I have to check my edits again). Again I'm really glad you liked the chapter and I hope you keep reading the story!

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Review #13, by leaneyWhite Lie: Larry Rotter and The Sociable Pebble

23rd December 2010:
Leaney from the forums here to review the rest of your chapters!

Since I'll be reviewing three chapters instead of two, don't be alarmed if they're a teeny bit shorter than normal! Okay, right off the bat a highlight for me included the line, "we agreed that any guy with that broad of shoulders and muscular arms must have a cute face to match." Gah, this line could've not hit any closer to home with me and my own friends. I also liked the background I got on Pen and the Audrey/Percy pairing! You seem to have a good idea about your timeline and Penelope's interaction with Oliver is really amazing thus far! The cliffhanger ending is also really intriguing. In fact...
-off to the next chapter-

-leaney

Author's Response: Ha Ha! I'm glad you liked it and that you found that line funny that line describes my friends and I as well so there you go! I'm so happy you liked it!
-off to answer next review-


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Review #14, by leaneyThe Catalyst: A very Weasley Christmas

23rd December 2010:
Leaney again!

I really enjoyed this chapter! I was delighted to see more development, the characters, and the plot as a whole. This chapter was more detailed and the flow was improved. I liked seeing a more dynamic side of Rose and I especially liked seeing the interaction between her and the rest of her family members. Grammar wise there's not any issues that I could seem to spot. Remember to keep up the good work and always keep progressing!

-leaney

Author's Response: Thank you once again for reviewing! Its all really helpful to me :)
Ava xoxo


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Review #15, by leaneyThe Catalyst: The Catalyst

23rd December 2010:
Leaney from the forums here with your review!

First of all, I'm a huge Rose/Scorp fan so I was excited to get to review your story! I really like how you made Scorpius and Rose friends in the beginning instead of enemies or automatic lovers. Their friendship and playfulness really set a good tone for the piece. Your dialogue seems pretty strong. I especially liked whenever Hermione's like, "Ron is going to burn the house down." For whatever reason that made me laugh! Grammatically, I didn't spot many errors. My only suggestion is to slow down. I feel like the plot progressed really rapidly. In the beginning scene one second Rose was off after her bag and the next she was with an OC crying her eyes out. I didn't really understand what was happening at first. The kiss scene was really passionate but I didn't really feel the build-up. One second Christmas break and the next passionate kissing. Then, whenever Hugo storms into the story. That was also kind of sudden and unexpected, but I understand the need to somehow incorporate his presence. I feel like you could definitely take more time to develop the scenes more completely. Also, your formatting is slightly weird. Overall, though, your story has a good solid plotline and I can't wait to see where the next chapter takes me!

-leaney

Author's Response: thank you for reviewing. This chapter was written a long time ago and I do realise it needs development. Now you've introduced some points for me to look at that I've never really thought of before so thank you for that! This review was actually quite helpful :)
Ava xooxo


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Review #16, by leaneyIím Falling in Love With Who??: I'm Falling in Love With Who??

22nd December 2010:
Leaney from the forums here!

For your first fic, this isn't bad at all! The first stories I ever wrote are absolutely terrible and I've had to delete most of them! I liked the storyline you stuck to here! It was fun and light-hearted. The switching point of views was also done nicely. However, I found myself a little put off with the suddenness of it all. Hermione and Draco are supposed to detest each other and to go from detesting one another to loving one another so quickly is kind of crazy. To fix this I would suggest adding more action in between? I would add more detail or more explaination in this sudden change of heart. I liked the end, but it also felt sort of out of nowhere. They were flirting and just now becoming comfortable with one another. I think the kiss could've waited but I understand the need for it. As far as grammar goes there's no immediate issues and your flow does fine. Overall, really good work! Keep on writing and keep on developing your characters and the story around them!

-leaney

Author's Response: Thanks for your quick response, Leaney. If I come back to this story and revise it, I will take into account what you've said and change my story accordingly. Thanks again!

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Review #17, by leaneyScarlet Molly: Part Three

21st December 2010:
Leaney again!

I decided to review Chapter 3 to give you some variety and since it's your most current chapter. The flow and the grammar are a little rougher in this chapter. Your commas and punctuation are a little off. Not to worry though, this is easily fixed and isn't too big of a deal! I stand by what I said in your first review. Though I get a better sense of who Molly is and what she's doing on the outside (as well as everyone else's perception of her), I don't really feel like I get to know what's really going on inside of Molly's head. She seems to react so generally to everything. Like whenever Rose gets upset with her and decides they can't be friends. She doesn't seem to really react at all. Though their relationship doesn't exactly seem perfect to begin with, I felt there should've been something more emotionally. A teeny bit more description would help develop the story as a whole and really improve the flow as well. Again, I'm insanely in love with the storyline. I like how adventurous Molly seems. I find myself really drawn to Molly's interaction with Simon. I found their sex scene really funny and adorable. Oh, and I like the last sentence too! What a rebel! I can't wait to see...well read about...everyone's reactions to her lingerie (especially Jozlin's)! Overall, I really like this story. It's original and your characters seem really fun. It's such an enjoyable read and I know that you can really turn it into something even better than it already is! Keep up the good work and remember that Rome wasn't built in a day!

-leaney

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! I know I rush and need to explain the characters more! I will be sure to work on that, so when the querie opens again they will be ready to be validated =)

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Review #18, by leaneyScarlet Molly: Part One

21st December 2010:
Leaney from the forums here!

To begin, I love the plotline and I simply can't wait to read your later chapters! I like that you chose to go with MollyII instead of Rose or Lily. It definitely gives your story an original element. I personally haven't seen many MollyII stories so I got very excited to read this. As far as grammar/punctuation goes I only spotted a few things. There are a few misplaced commas which weren't distracting at large and a few too many brackets for my liking.

I really liked the way you translated this story into the magical realm. Also, the humor in this chapter was done quite nicely. I literally chuckled whenever I read, ďRose, letting Scorpius Mafloy feel you up under a willow tree, does not mean you are a slut..." and the part about Jozlin overhearing their "whorish ramble." Haha!

What I would really like to see more of is general characterization. I think you have an amazing plot going for you and a really awesome set of fresh next gen characters to play with. I'd truly love to make them your own and develop them. I'd like to see more description and more background. Who is Molly really? What is she like? What is Rose like? Even give us more on Jozlin and her ins & outs. Give us just a smidge more detail/polish the rougher bits in your dialogue and you're golden. It'll enhance your story and give it a stronger foundation. Overall, an interesting chapter! -scurries to read next chapter-

-leaney

Author's Response: I am gald you liked it =)

I agree that I do need to work on characterization and I do rush a bit!

Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #19, by leaneyVital: Chapter 1

21st December 2010:
Leaney from the forums here!

Oh, this story was definitely interesting! I have to congratulate you right off the bat with how amazing your characterization of Elena is! Though she's an OC, she feels natural in the magical world. I also like the fact that she's a healer. It's extremely original and I love the perspective. Your writing makes the reader feel comfortable. The flow is wonderfully done and your description is balanced. I'm interested to see where this story will go. Normally, I wouldn't have read something like this, but I'm pleased with the story thus far. I liked the beginning of the story the best. I liked how suddenly afraid Elena had become by the explosive. It really got across how uncertain the magical world is at this time. The magical world had been stable but everyone seemed to question whether it would stay that way. Nicely done! The only thing that was left desired, is that I didn't feel like anything too exciting happened in this chapter. I can excuse this since I'm sure this chapter is being used to primarily set the stage for the rest of the story. I can't wait to see what you have in store for Elena, but I know whatever it is, it'll end up being amazing! Keep up the great work!

-leaney

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review. I'm glad to hear that Elena is a well characterized character (lol). I was nervous to write an OC, because it's harder than writing about characters JK Rowling has already imagined.

I'm kind of hoping that this story appeals to people who wouldn't normally read something like this, like you said.

I know that this is a bit slow, but I really did use it to set things ups for the next chapters, which will be much more exciting.

Thanks so much again, I really appreciate your review, it made my day!


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Review #20, by leaneyAnnora : Anything and Everything

21st December 2010:
Leaney from the forums here with your review!

To begin, I was initially unsure if I would like this story. I don't read a lot of OC centered stories and it's not exactly cannon. Your plot could've easily gone down a cheesy road and I questioned it at first since this girl was just randomly arriving in the middle of the school year. I know we've all read those stories. Pretty OC, arrives in the middle of the school year, cliche, cliche, and more cliche. However, I'm delighted to say that I actually loved this story a lot (adding to favorites as soon as I get done with this review)! It was a wonderful surprise and the further I read, the more hooked I became. It was insanely gripping. I loved your description/characterization of Voldemort. He was so intimidating and icy! He really was evil and I could really feel the fear and tension flowing between Annora and him. Also, I loved how cannon you made everything feel. It felt as this could really be happening. I'm curious to learn more about Annora as a character (what are her values? what is she really like? is this emotionall a struggle for her? what are her quirks? etc) and I can't wait for the next chapter so I can see the interaction between her and Draco. This story actually makes me excited! Ah, I can see this story really turning out amazing! I didn't notice any immediate issues. Keep up the good work and really develop this story! It has the potential to be amazing!

-leaney

Author's Response: Heyy,
Thank you for reviewing, I will go and say a big thank you for this wonderful review as soon as I'm done with reply!
Yeahh, I had those worries when I started writing it as I really don't want to write a Mary-Sue!
Thanks so much, I'm really glad you like it!
Another chapter is already on it's way and as soon as the queues are open after Christmas more will be up!
ThankYouSoooSoooMuchForWonderfulFeedback!
Lily ^_^


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Review #21, by leaneySurrendering My Broken Heart: Progress

21st December 2010:
Leaney from the forums here!

To begin, I absolutely loved this little oneshot! You had me completely hooked from the first line in! You detail and description was perfect. Your characterization of Lily was unique and a complete breath of fresh air. I also applaud you for making James a little different. I liked the variety I saw there. I got to view him a different light and it was refreshing!

Though your description was amazing, at times I felt their was something left to be desired in your dialogue. It was a tad rushed. I think you could've definitely pumped it up so that the fight seemed more intense but at a more appropriate rate. It causes a slight rift in flow. Everything feels smooth until the date scene. After the date scene, the flow immediately goes back to its original smoothness. I don't know how to explain it. Hmmm...It felt like one second they were blissfully happy and the next they were completely broken. Aside from that and a few stray or lacking comma throughout the piece I found nothing wrong with the piece.

On a good note, I simply loved this little section right here, "I was Lily Evans, a muggleborn witch of no fixed identity. Heart beating, body shaking, my breathing shallow, it dawned on me, how everyone I loved was slowly disappearing, and there was nothing I could do to prevent it." I loved little moments like this. I like how I felt everything Lily felt.

Overall, this little oneshot was such a delight to read. You're a very talented writer and the balance you find with your detail, fresh characterization, and all around smooth flow is truly admirable! Just work on polishing up your dialogue and keep up the great work!

-leaney

Author's Response: Hi Leaney

Wow, this review really put a smile on my face, I'm so happy that you liked my writing, it's great to hear. I understand what you mean about the dialogue, I'll definitely look at fixing that up, thankyou for the suggestion of improvement and the lovely review.
Katie.


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Review #22, by leaneyWhite Lie: Football practice of which I play goalie

21st December 2010:
Yay! Next chapter here I am! Wow, I seriously laughed my butt off during this whole chapter! The coach was hilarious. Some of my favorite things were the coach calling Oliver 'butterscotch' over and over again, the bit about Harold's boyfriend coming to pick him up (hahaha), and her saying "I am of the female gender" and no one noticing. Well written witty humor is hard to come by. I'm starting to really warm up to Oliver and Pen ship wise and can't wait for them to race! Your plot is doing wonderfully and your description is improving with each chapter! Keep that up! My only cause for concern is the lack of magical elements. Though it mentions Hogwarts and Quidditch goals, I think that this story could easily translate into something more AU. That's not really an issue since the story is turning out to be something really smart and fantastic. I'd just like to see more magic/magical reference incorporated perhaps? Overall, this story has been really wonderful to read. Keep working on description and keep up the amazing work on this story!

-leaney

Author's Response: Yay! I am working on the magical elements issue and their will definitely be more of Coach Robin and Pen's soccer team because for some reason I had so much fun writing them! I'm glad you're warming up to the ship I wanted to make it believable. And thank you for calling me witty!

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Review #23, by leaneyWhite Lie: Notes that weren't delivered.

21st December 2010:
Leaney from the forums with your review!

Okay, to begin, your story is so entertaining thus far! You really seem to have your characters nailed down. However, the story does seem very modern and so do the characters. The characters feel almost like muggles in a sense, but no matter. Your first person narration is spot on and the flow is splendid. The dialogue is humorous, but especially towards the end can be a little overwhelming. My suggestion is to slow down and add in those little extra details and descriptions. It'll do nothing but enhance your already amazing story. Your grammar looks good at this point as well. Your closing line really cracks me up! This story is light-hearted and amusing to read. I love the relaxed nature of it all. Keep up the good work! -scampers to read and review the next chapter-

-leaney

Author's Response: Yes! I am so glad you liked it! I know that I messed up magic-wise but that's because I was focusing on the dialogue I was so panicked that this story wouldn't work out! I am however getting that fixed so never fear! -scampers (I love that word) to answer next review-

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Review #24, by leaneyHis Memory: His Memory

20th December 2010:
Okay, first off, may I just tell you how much I loved your description? It kept everything anonymous and thought provoking until the last second! It was thrilling to read and it kept me continually hooked since I wanted to know who each of ther characters were and figure out what the storyline forming around them was all about.

Initially, I found the detail a bit overwhelming. I found this line, "The lustrous light is in its seemingly untimely task to awaken a form who stirred deep in her induced dreamless sleep," particularly hard to read. In fact, I think I read that line more than once in order to comprehend. There are a lot of adjectives and emotion/action tried to be conveyed at one time which causes a rift in the flow. However, as the story progresses on, the flow and the detail pan out perfectly. They find a balance and everything becomes smooth sailing.

Also, I love your use of emotion. This oneshot was unconventional in such a good way. You explored the plot from a whole new perspective. My favorite section was, "In this blissful moment before true consciousness, in that lethargic state, she wasnít anyone; just a girl awakening from sleep. Have you ever enjoyed those mere three seconds where we know nothing of ourselves? Momentarily free from all those worries of the day ahead?" I liked how involved the reader felt and how intimate the atmosphere felt around the main character. Your characterization was done quite nicely, might I add.

Grammar wise, I didn't spot many errors. You do seem perhaps a tad comma happy, but I'd prefer anyone to overuse commas than to not use them at all! Haha! You seem to have a very distinct style of writing (which is amazing in itself), you just need to polish your detail so it's more concise and a little less wordy. All in all, well done! Keep up the spectacular writing! You were such a delightful first read for my renewed reviewing career!

-leaney

Author's Response: Hey there Leaney!

You really did? Thank you! Reading it again, sometimes I feel like I overdid it, you know. I'll try to see what I can do to make it less overwhelming with the "Lustrous light.." part. I was going for an intimate moment and that daunting feeling you get when you have no choice but to follow Time :).

I'm really flattered and curious when you found this one-shot unconventional. Involving the reader was my way to make them understand the situation in a way and gain a certain amount of sympathy, even if a little.

Yay! I did well of the grammar aspect! English isn't my first language and I write poems half more than I write stories, so grammar is a little struggle for me LOL.

Thank you so much for this helpful review!

-Saeli
Proud member of the Slytherin House


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Review #25, by leaneyQuidditch Affairs: Quidditch Affairs

9th August 2010:
Oh dear! I loved absolutely every bit of this! The tension was conveyed so amazingly that I kept clinging to the hope that something passionate and forbidden was going to happen at any second! Haha! I hadn't really thought about this pairing before but I give you many props for writing it! Anyways, well done dear!

-leaney

Author's Response: Hi, Leaney! Thanks so much for your lovely review, it really put a smile on my face. I've been a big fan of the possibilities of an Oliver/Cedric thing, so it was so much fun to write this. I'm glad you felt the tension, which was really my ultimate goal in this one. Again, thanks so much! :)

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