Reading Reviews From Member: onestop_hpfan18
  
1,631 Reviews Found

Review #1, by onestop_hpfan18Gravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Prologue

4th October 2013:
Hi there, here to review as requested. I really enjoyed the way you've set things up in this prologue. You didn't provide a whole lot of information, but you definitely went the mysterious route to hook readers in so that they'd want to read on to know what's going on. I also think you've created a good, solid character that we can expect more from just based on the little bit I've read here. I can't really provide further feedback than that since this prologue seems to leave more questions than answers, which is a good thing as prologues are supposed to do that (short and mysterious enough to pull you in). I will read and review the next chapter for you, though, since I automatically read&review the first two chapters of any story requested in my thread.

Author's Response: Thank you! I was trying to be quite mysterious with the prologue, but at the same time make people curious and want to know more. And yeah! You think the character is all right so far. I know I didn't give readers much to go on in that short prologue, so it's really okay that you don't have more feedback to give. What you said was just lovely and what I needed to hear.

Can't wait to see what you think of the next chapter. Thanks so much for your time and review.


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Review #2, by onestop_hpfan18Love has no Limits: Love has no Limits

29th September 2013:
Hi there, here to review as requested on the forums. I think you have quite a nice premise for a one-shot here, however it could have been more descriptive. Also, I felt like at the beginning where the dialogue started like something was missing because I felt a bit lost at what they were talking about. I'd suggest either include more information in dialogue, or write some description before the dialogue starts that will elaborate on what they're referencing.

The battle scene was alright, though it didn't draw me in like one of J.K. Rowling's. I also doubt Neville would ever use an Unforgivable Curse, especially considering what happened to his parents being pushed beyond sanity while under the Crucious curse.

I also noticed some incorrect grammar, sentence structure errors, and spacing seemed off portioned. For instance, one of the grammar mistakes I noticed was where you wrote 'would of' when you really meant 'would have' based on the surrounding context. The sentence structuring issues I noticed mainly had to so with missing and/or misplaced comma splices.

Aside from these issues, I think you can definitely turn this around and elaborate further in narration/description to draw readers in. Also, I'd recommend finding a beta reader on the forums to help you fix the grammar issues in this as it's really helpful (I learned so much more about writing when I first started writing fanfic by getting a beta for my first few stories).

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for your review, I appreciate it. :)


I'm going to try and find someone to read through it and point out all the grammar stuff.


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Review #3, by onestop_hpfan18How I Killed my Lover -or - Why You should Never Love a Werewolf: Sorrows of the Moon

28th September 2013:
This chapter was good, however Remus would go stay in underground lairs with other werewolves around and during full moons in an attempt to get as many werewolves on Dumbledore's side, not the MoM. Underground was where Remus disappeared to and it was hushed up as he only reported back to Dumbledore. Since you're writing from Remus's perspective then you could write some scenes of him underground with other werewolves; his experiences.

I also think the relationship between Tonks and Remus is prematurely moving forward as they're really only friends the summer before Harry's 5th year. Tonks doesn't start to try to talk Remus into dating until later in Harry's 5th because the summer before 6th is when Tonks starts having trouble with her morphus abilities/appearance because she ends up being depressed since Remus is rejecting her. But other than timing, story progression is much better in this chapter, less rushed than the first chapter. Though you could have made the transitions from one time to the next smoother as it blended as a single time for me until I realized after a paragraph that time had lapsed/shifted.

Author's Response: Hi!! Thank you for doing two chapters in one go (I do recall you said you'd do that in your thread but it was still exciting to see).

I didn't interpret Remus' mission in OotP as being with the werewolves. My story follows the idea that he's futzing around London for the Order in OotP and goes to the werewolves to spy on Fenrir in DH. I'm not sure it's detailed in the books what he's exactly up to in OotP so I made it something that was convenient to the plot.

I have gotten a lot of feedback that their relationship seems fast at first. I've written them as rather stop and go throughout OotP (their relationship roller coaster makes up 3/4 of the story to date). When Tonks gets depressed at the beginning of DH it's because (in my story at least) Remus breaks her heart in a pretty big way.

I've been working on the transitions between elapsed periods of time (in general). I've been thinking about doing spacing or the cutesy lines people put into the text (in addition to clearer transitional statements).

Thank you so much for another great review. You've given me a lot to think about.


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Review #4, by onestop_hpfan18How I Killed my Lover -or - Why You should Never Love a Werewolf: Lines Depicting Simple Happiness

28th September 2013:
Hi, here to review from the forums as requested. I like Remus so much as a character and I think you've really balanced him quite well from what we know about him.

Character Development:
Since this is only the first chapter it'll be hard to gauge development that the character goes through since the progress takes on throughout a story arc. But as far as I can tell Remus seems to be just as muddled over his initial feelings for Tonks before anything starts between them, which is good. Readers should be able to see the flaws of a character more sharply in the first chapter of a novella/novel length story. It shows the readers what the character must overcome as the story progresses. So good job so far on character.

Voice/Narration:
I felt that at times the voice was long-winded and unnecessary in a few spots. This is mainly because I felt overloaded with more information than I should have been given in a first chapter (you always want to stay brief, yet descriptive). Think of the first chapter is an outline to the plot itself, only with less information (you want to keep the readers guessing because then they'll want to read more). But aside from that, I like it so far.

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for providing such detailed feedback. I'm glad his characterization seemed to fit. His flaws are definitely central to the story so they never really leave the forefront of the story.

I guess the long-windedness was part of how I imagined Remus' voice as a narrator. I'll go through and see where it can be wheedled down though.

Thank you again for reviewing!!


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Review #5, by onestop_hpfan18Nightmare: Nightmare

25th September 2013:
Hi, here from the forums to review as requested. I thought you did a good job with the pace of this, however the sentence lengths weren't as varied as they should have been (you had more long sentences), which made reading it feel like it dragged on. You could definitely break some sentences until a couple smaller ones, which create more tension and suspense to the piece.

I also noticed that some sentences had commas in them that really shouldn't have been in them. Like this sentence here: ...as she walked, she turned to him as she walked past him(,)* with the younger Severus wandering behind her. The comma I indicated doesn't need to be there, also the sentence sounds awkward because you use walked twice so close together. You could change it to something like: ...she turned toward him as she walked with the younger version of him wandering behind her. You won't even need to insert a comma if you rearranged the words and eliminating extra words that make it sound redundant.

PLOT: As I already said, I liked the pacing. I just felt like you left it too open, especially with his nightmares. His dreaming felt disconnected from his being awake and haunted by these dreams. I understand that he doesn't know why he's dreaming these things, but he must have some shred of thought as to the meaning behind them. I felt like you could have interwoven the nightmare better to show its meaning toward that conclusion; some evidence that Severus was expecting it since you mentioned how he knew his time was ending.

CHARACTER: I feel like Severus would have been a bit smarter and able to come up with at least part of the truth behind why he was having the nightmare. However, I did feel you captured the essence of Severus's mannerisms quite well.

Over all, I did like this, I just felt like it it was left too incomplete at the end. I actually didn't pay attention whether I was reading a one-shot or WIP until I finished it and went back to see what type of story it was and was somewhat surprised to find it was a one-shot. I feel like this could have been stretched out as a short story with a few chapters to better explain why Severus was feeling this way and to shed some light onto these nightmares he's having. That said, still a good story.

Author's Response: Hi there, thank you for reviewing! So sorry it has taken me a little while to respond, real life took over all my time! Thank you very much for you patience :)

I do have a problem with writing lots of reallly looong sentences, so thank you for picking that up, I will definitely look into it, there are definitely some places where they can be split.

Okay, I will change around the comma's as well. I haven't read this out loud yet (I just wanted it submitted :P) so will read it out loud and change the ones that you pointed out as well :)

I understand what you are mostly talking about in the plot, but I don't entirely understand your comment on the dreaming. The only time we get his dream is at the end, the rest is all what he is thinking about, or seeing the ghostly figure during the day. You are probably right in regards to intertwining the nightmare more into the story, I will have a bit of an experiment in that, and see how it works out :)

Snape could've been portrayed a bit smarter, but it was supposed to show that he wasn't emotionally stable and his health was deteriorating, draining his life. He had begun to write lists of ideas, but none had really come to mind.

I understand what you mean about it left incomplete, it was supposed to be used for you to imagine your own outcome, it obviously hasn't worked, which is sad. But at least I know where to improve!

I am really glad you enjoyed it somewhat, and thank you again for your review, this was very helpful :) I appreciate it alot.

Grace



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Review #6, by onestop_hpfan18Pink Eyes: Pink Eyes

24th September 2013:
Here to review from the review tag on the forums. I thought this was sweet and I like the tone you've given Teddy: Sarcastic and all boy. There were some formatting issues with spacing throughout that distracted me from the writing, but other than that it was a cute and fun piece.

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you liked the chapter and thanks for letting me know about the spacing xD I'll fix that! Thanks again!

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Review #7, by onestop_hpfan18The Brave at Heart: Beginnings

24th September 2013:
Here to review for the Hufflepuff RTAP tag. I actually liked this first chapter and the way you've written the characters, especially as innocent first years. I like that the group of first years sitting together in the compartment were all sorted into different houses, thus splitting them up. I also like how you showed how different they grew up (from the purebloods/halfbloods whose families thrust their beliefs on them to the muggleborns like Lily who feel like they're more lost than the others). I also like the subtle way you've written Lily's distaste for James (it's always annoying when authors overdramatize Lily's hate toward him and I think you've found a happy medium to draw from here). Over all, entertaining chapter you've written. (:

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you are enjoying the story so far, and it's wonderful to hear that you like the characters, and my approach to James and Lily. (I always felt like that scene in Snape's worst memory couldn't have been typical of James and Lily's interactions... years of such hostile feelings towards one another would have been really tiresome and I doubt they'd have gotten together!) Anyway, I'm really happy you liked the chapter! Thanks so much for reading and for your lovely review :)

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Review #8, by onestop_hpfan18See Jen Run: Sandcatsle

9th September 2013:
Hey, I'm here for the Hufflepuff Review the Above Person tag. I thought this was a cute chapter and I like the way you've written Sirius. So many times authors write Sirius as a playboy and insensitive, but I like how you've characterized him as caring in his own playful way. The only critic I'd give you is watch the exclamation marks as you wrote two dialogue tags back to back at the beginning of the chapter; a rule of thumb with exclamation marks is to use them sparingly (once for every 100,000 words). But great first chapter. (:

Author's Response: Caring in a playful way? You nailed it; exactly what I was going for! Goodness, I've never heard of that rule before, but I'll certainly keep it in mind as I press forward. Thank you for the review and the encouragement!

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Review #9, by onestop_hpfan18Malice: Chapter XVII: Momentum

3rd August 2013:
My head is spinning with questions. For instance, the wand that Emerson won... elder wand? Gah. Everything is really picking up pace in the plot now. And I like the power struggle at the end of the conversation between Hector and Emerson. Always nice to see things start to crumble on the bad side.

Poor Evie, she clearly feels betrayed by Noah and with good reason too. But she shouldn't go too hard on him. He's just trying to do his job, even if he should also keep his mouth shut. Hopefully they won't stay mad at each other for long. I like how adamant Evie was about learning how to fight as well. In a way her character reminds me of Harry since he preferred to do things his own way and relied on others to help him finish tasks,too. Great chapter. Looking forward to reading on.

♥ Leslie

Author's Response: Hello again!

Okay, I will put that one to rest right now - not the Elder Wand. :P Just quite a powerful one as it belongs to the Hunter which will be used in the planned-but-not-sure-if-I'll-write-it sequel...

Yes, as I said before - rock and a hard place! He did the right thing though for everyone, and Evie needs to just get over it. Thanks! I think it's pretty important that she learns to defend herself.

Thanks again for reviewing! :)


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Review #10, by onestop_hpfan18Malice: Chapter XVI: Aftermath

3rd August 2013:
Man, it's so great to return back to reading this. Sorry for taking this long to read the rest of this. I got pretty busy last year with classes and after graduating a few months ago I've been more into reading books on my TBR pile instead of fanfic. But I just remembered this, sitting in my favorite stories queue, and returned back to finish reading it.

Issy really is something. I get that she's angry and hurt that Evie likes Noah (and Noah clearly likes her, too), but she doesn't have to be so mean to Evie all the time. Though I kind of like reading their confrontations, adds tension for Evie's character to grow on. And I really like that Noah didn't say more about Evie to Xavier. It shows his loyalty toward keeping Evie's secrets, the ones that matter.

I'll definitely be reading this throughout the week so expect more reviews to come in. ♥

Author's Response: Hi Leslie! Excuse me while I re-read the chapters to remember the finer details of what happens in my own story, haha! I'm so pleased you've come back to it :)

Yeah, Issy's had a problem with Evie right from the start that goes deeper than the whole Noah thing. There's definitely some rivalry from losing her status as the only girl before.

Yes, Noah is definitely loyal but is caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to Evie and Xavier because he's second-in-command.

Thanks for reviewing lovely!


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Review #11, by onestop_hpfan18A Spoonful of Sugar: One

3rd August 2013:
I really like that you have put Lucy in Hufflepuff as that's what house I placed her in my next gen fics. I haven't actually written a story revolving Lucy, though, as she's merely a background character, but I see her as a Hufflepuff. I'm curious as to what spurred between Darcy and Louis initially to turn her off of him. Your characterization of Louis is also much different than mine in my Louis-centric story as I have him as being relaxed and easy to get along with for the most part. Should be interesting to see how his character grows in this fic. Side note, this first chapter was a bit dialogue heavy (maybe work on integrating more narration/description with the dialogue). Other wise, this is a good premise for a story you have here.

Author's Response: Hello! I'm so glad you decided to read this story!
I'm really happy that you liked the way I wrote Lucy and Louis. I really love writing both of them, and Louis in particular is really fun because he gets under Darcy's skin so much! You find out why they annoy each other so much later on! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, and I'm thrilled that you liked the start to this story!
Cassie :)


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Review #12, by onestop_hpfan18Keep Calm and Carry On: The Job Thousands would Kill For

19th July 2013:
Back again to review! I really am enjoying this fanfic. It's such an effortless read and I find Edie to be very relate-able. She's stuck in an internship where she feels underappreciated, while at the same time she knows that it'll all pay off in the end and she'll be able to write the stories that matter to her after she's paid her dues in the journalism community. I also enjoyed the little quips you've added of Edie's interactions with her coworkers and then fleshing out more back history to connect her friends with her job as an intern. Anyway, great chapter. (:

Author's Response: Yay! "Relateable" is really what I wanted out of this story. Glad to hear that, really. Thanks!!

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Review #13, by onestop_hpfan18A Light That Never Goes Out: Hogsmeade

18th July 2013:
Aww, this chapter was all kinds of sweet. I really do love how Lily seems to be the one piloting the relationship. She's the one who asked him out, finally giving him a chance, and it's clear James is still half-expecting her to reject him despite her asking him out. They really are quite the couple. I love how natural the dialogue is between them, too. It's almost like a casual passing, not overly flowery/romantic in the slightest. It's just two people who like each other and want to get to know more about the other. It's sweet. And their first real kiss was romantic in the catch you off guard way that just makes you go aww. Also, I highly doubt James had never been kissed, especially after him kissing Lily like that (he had to have had some experience in kissing). But I can see him not kissing too many girls before Lily finally gave him a chance in 7th year. Great chapter :)

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! :) I definitely wanted Lily to take the reins more than she's usually depicted as doing, because I don't like the narrative of James being pushy and Lily being dragged into the relationship kicking and screaming. (But yes, James has definitely been kissed before, though he does lack a huge amount of experience.)

Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #14, by onestop_hpfan18A Light That Never Goes Out: A Light That Never Goes Out

18th July 2013:
Here to review for the House Cup. I have been meaning to get around to reading and reviewing this story for quite some time. I really love the interaction between James and Lily in this first chapter. It's sweet and casual, yet Lily still plays with James when he questions whether she really wants to go with him or if she's just messing with him. He's so used to her rejecting him that he can't quite process the fact that she asked him out and is warming up to him.

I also like the fact that she is the one to ask him out. It shows that her feelings toward him really are changing. She's choosing to give James a chance on her own terms, which I would expect from Lily. She's independent and intelligent, a mind of her own. She doesn't need anyone to tell her what to do. I also found it sweet that James saved her from the rain with his umbrella, very knight and shining armor. Anyway, great chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed this - I know it's a bit of a different take on James/Lily, and I'm happy it worked for you. :)

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Review #15, by onestop_hpfan18Keep Calm and Carry On: Take Two and Call Me in the Morning

14th July 2013:
I like this, and I like the fact that you chose minor characters from the series and original characters as Edie's friends. It's light and humorous and just refreshing to read instead of next generation. I also like that you gave them all different jobs that are lesser known for the most part. It's great to read about a character that is pursuing a career that isn't a healer/auror/ministry job.

Though I did find it humorous that you have Seamus as being 5'8" in this and in real life Devon Murray (who is the actor who plays Seamus in the movies) can't be no taller than 5'3" because I met him just a couple weeks ago at LeakyCon in Portland, Oregon and he was almost a full head's shorter than I am (and I'm 5'5"). He's also very nice and down-to-earth.

Anyway, great chapter. I've already favorited this and will be returning to read & review more. (:

Author's Response: Aahhh a new reader! Hello! *Throws confetti always kept at hand for such occasions*

I've mentioned this before, but when I came back to HPFF after my hiatus, when the books had ended, I felt that the majority of stories were Next-Gen (this may not be true, but it sure felt that way!) And I missed the characters I grew up with, especially the minor ones. Hence this story!

I also felt very unconvinced by stories where all the characters had their dream jobs. Yes, this is set in 2006 so things were a bit better, but it is SO HARD to find careers now--even a part-time job is hard--and I wanted to write about that struggle.

That's funny that Devon is so short. I picture Seamus looking different in this story, but I kind of like the idea of him being even shorter than 5'8"... I have a habit of making all my male characters exceedingly tall... But I like the idea of an even shorter Seamus!

Thanks so much, and welcome! ♥


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Review #16, by onestop_hpfan18Flight of the Heart: Boys Will Be Boys

10th July 2013:
I liked this chapter even if it was filler. Fillers are always my favorite because we get to see more of the characters in their environment without the plot getting in the way. I mean I love your plot so far, too, but I'm one of those readers that pay closer attention to characters than plots. After all, the characters often are the ones driving the plot.

I also like how interconnected you've bridged the characters together without them knowing it yet. I'm assuming Mia's interview is with Oliver's sister. That's an excellent way to ensure that Oliver's and Mia's lives intertwine with one another. I can't wait to see more interaction between the pair of them. And Aidan is adorable. Anyway, another great chapter, Jami! Keep up the amazing writing! The only critique I have is to make sure you proofread more carefully because I noticed quite a few typos in this chapter (whereas the previous chapter I didn't notice any, or if I did they weren't as noticeable). Also, some words were clearly supposed to be other words. I also noticed that you used 'then' when you should have used 'than' somewhere. A tip in remembering when to use each is that 'then' is used when talking time (something following something else in chronological order); and 'than' is used when comparing/contrasting two things in a sentence. Other than that, I have no other feedback. I'm still interested in this story to keep reading and I hope you update soon. (:

Author's Response: Hi again!! I'm one of those people that thinks there can pretty much never be a filler unless it's just a character sitting there in silence, because -- like you said -- character drive chapters are the best times to get to know them better. Especially in a story like this where it will be mainly character driven.

Hmmm you might be right about Mia's interview being with his sister Claire ;). maybe! Aidan is probably my favorite part about this. Well, that and the fact that it's just him and Mia. Single mom's, who are interested in really giving their children a solid base, tend to have such a special relationship with them.

Ugh I'm the typo queen. I always think I caught them all, but then they just stay hidden in there :P. Then/than usually happens when my brain is going faster than my fingers (we/be happens a lot that way as well, and i have on idea why!) I'll do another read through and see if I can comb out the rest of the errors! Thanks for pointing them out! I'm *think* I'll be posting the next chapter by Sunday :)!

Thank you so much for another awesome review, and I'm so excited that you're enjoying these characters so far! I'm on pretty shaky ground in this era, so your feedback has been absolutely awesome to receive!

♥ Jami


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Review #17, by onestop_hpfan18Flight of the Heart: A Chance Meeting

9th July 2013:
This was a great first chapter. It's always nice to read a post-hogwarts story and especially one that includes Oliver Wood. There are so few Oliver stories that interest me and this one is definitely one of them. You've hooked me in. You've always done a great job getting Oliver's characterization right and how he might be as an adult after Hogwarts.

I also like Claire and can definitely see Oliver falling for her. And Aidan is adorable. Kids are always cute in stories and are generally great matchmakers for a single parent. Anyway, great job so far! Looking forward to reading more (:

Author's Response: Hi there :)! Thank you so much for stopping by! I really wanted a story that I can work on that I know I can give a happy ending. My Marauders one has me wanting to just sit there and pout sometimes, so having this and thankfully getting characters who don't have to all die at the end has been a huge relief!

I've never really read an Oliver story, so I'm excited that you think I have his characterization right!! I think I'm going to has a lot of fun getting to focus on an adult cast!

Thank you so much for this awesome review! It was such a lovely surprise! ♥ Jami


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Review #18, by onestop_hpfan18Hormones: The Hazy Future

9th July 2013:
Poor George. He really isn't doing well with the shop. I understand why he doesn't want to change anything, but there really comes a time when things have to change in order to move forward. I hope James and Fred and help George see that. I just want to snuggle George, though, because he did loose his other half. Great chapter.

Author's Response: I feel for him. I do. It's just something he really can't let go of and something Freddie has to step up and fix. It'll take time, but it's going to show who Freddie really is - if this is what he wants or not. thank you so much for the review! Enjoy the rest of the story!

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Review #19, by onestop_hpfan18Off the Rails: thirteen

7th July 2013:
I'm enjoying this fanfic. I also like that you made Lily a squib, too. It's different and gives more perspective to that end of the spectrum (what it would be like if one of the magical families like the Weasleys and Potters were to have one of their own born non-magical). I also like Carlotta's character thus far. She's a strong female character, and I love her with James. She really brings out the best in him. Great job so far on the story!

Author's Response: Making Lily a squib was by far and away my best fanfic decision EVER. I don't think I realised at first just how much of a contrast she would be, both with James AND Carlotta. And it's nice to be able to explore the troubles of being a squib in a magical society, as well. I'm glad you like Carlotta, too - after all she's a fairly important character! Thanks for reviewing :)

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Review #20, by onestop_hpfan18Hormones: Wrong about Ryan

17th June 2013:
Ooh, he's falling for Ryan now; and I think she may be warming to him, too. As much as I liked Fred/Annie, I actually am really warming up to Fred/Ryan the closer they get to know each other. :)

Author's Response: Over the course of the story you'll slowly find more and more out about Ryan... as will Freddie. I hope you enjoy the rest! Thank you!

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Review #21, by onestop_hpfan18Hormones: A Little Competition

16th June 2013:
But there's a flaw to the guys getting the girls' room since the stairs to the girls' dorms turns into a chute the instant a guy steps on it. This should be amusing when they attempt to move in.

Author's Response: I didn't add that in, mostly because I didn't like the logistics but also because I felt like someone would have disabled it. Let's pretend Sinatra is all about equality.

Thank you!


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Review #22, by onestop_hpfan18Hormones: At the Shop

16th June 2013:
I love the father/son relationship you've drawn up between George and Fred. It's exactly how I imagined George to raise his kids and his reaction to Fred getting Ryan pregnant fit his character. I just loved everything about this chapter. Fred and Annie are just so cute, and it has George in it so it automatically tops the others because who doesn't love a Weasley twin sprinkled in. :) Great chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you!! I love writing George in this story. He's just... George, only with children!

Thank you so much :)


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Review #23, by onestop_hpfan18Hormones: A Plan of Action

15th June 2013:
I'm sensing a lot of hostility in Ryan toward the father of her unborn fetus. Hahah, and with good reason, too. She had a future set to play professional Quidditch after school and now that's up in the air. But Fred's life is also changing because he's preparing himself to take responsibility for his actions. That's really honorable and I love him even more for it, too. I guess this means Ravenclaw won't be getting its star Quidditch player back anytime soon. Great chapter!

Author's Response: Yeah, I think if I was in Ryan's shoes i'd be hostile toward a lot of people. It's the lack of control, do you see it? As you learn more about Ryan, you'll realize why she is the way she is... and why that lack of control drives her mad.

I love Fred for being honorable too. Thank you, George, for raising such a boy.

Thank you!


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Review #24, by onestop_hpfan18Hormones: Straight-Laced

15th June 2013:
I absolutely love the dynamic of Fred and James's friendship. They're like a couple of teenage girls, gossiping and arguing back and forth. It's amusing to watch and I find it easy to imagine guys doing just the same that us girls do when we're not around guys.

And I love Fred and Annie together. They're so sweet and cute. Just, awww. I think they fit together as a couple nicely. James's teases were hilarious, especially when he was badgering Fred when he came back from the date. Keep it up!

Author's Response: They really are! I know a pair of guys like that, so I gave their bromance to Freddie and James. It's hilarious. And considering they're very different, but also very much the same. It's a refreshing friendship.

I really enjoy Annie and Fred. They're sweet, you know?

Thanks!


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Review #25, by onestop_hpfan18Hormones: I Remember When

15th June 2013:
Fred's embarrassment over the discussion of Ryan was so natural and expected, you did such a great job writing his reactions. I can't wait until we see more interaction between Fred and Ryan. Side note, I like how Fred is with Annie... I can kind of see a love triangle forming between Ryan/Fred/Annie. Anyway, keep up the great writing!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!! Fred and Ryan have this heat that even they don't realize at this point. There are a lot of things that happen in this story... but the whole time things develop between Ryan and Fred. I hope you enjoy the rest! Thanks!

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