Reading Reviews From Member: padfoots girl
194 Reviews Found

Review #1, by padfoots girlMore Than Meets the Eyes: Let's Get Together

28th May 2009:
Here with my review, as promised! ^_^

This was a good story for me to curl up in bed and read. It was definitely enjoyable. Marisol was a believable character who had her insecurities and her strengths and I really liked her. James, as well, had a good personality, although at times I felt he was whining just a bit too much for my liking. That's just my opinion, though, I've never been a fan of characters complaining more than necessary, you know?

As an overview, everything seemed to flow rather nicely. Your characters were good, the story line was good, and I kept racing through the chapters, crossing my fingers for Marisol and James. My only complaint would be that it felt somewhat rushed and a little bit forced. James and Marisol started liking each other SO quickly and it just seemed like if you had taken a few more chapters to spread it out over, it would have worked a bit better.

As for the forced parts, it's just the way your sentences flowed, sometimes, particularly in the first few chapters. At least in my mind, it seemed a bit choppy and you chose to tell, more than show, if that makes sense. Like, when you started describing people, I just felt like I was reading a list of their physical traits, rather than imagining what they looked like from detailed description, you know?

Besides that, though, this story was great. Really, I loved it and it was a really nice read. I'm so glad that they ended up together and I'm sure in your sequel you're planning a whole lot for them. ^_^ Wonderful work, dear! Keep it up.

-Alex/renegade on TGS

Author's Response: Yes, I quite agree that James and Marisol did get together rather fast, but my reason for doing this was because there are plenty of teenagers in real life that are fast to get together. At least that was how it when I was in high school... and some people at college are also quick to get together as well. And as for the choppy sentences and descriptions, I quite agree with you but I just can\\\'t bring myself to edit the first few chapters because I like going back to read them just to see how much I\\\'ve improved in my writing.

Thanks so much for the review, I very much appreciate it! And the sequel only has Marisol and James as minor characters in it as it focuses more on Holden Summers and his quest to find the girl behind the mask that he talked to on New Year\\\'s Eve night at the Potters\\\' masquerade party. Thanks again for reviewing! ;)

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Review #2, by padfoots girlJust Because: Pain Pain Pain, Oh Bloody Pain

23rd May 2009:
Here to review, as requested! ^_^ I'm so incredibly sorry that it took me so long! School and all has been a bit of a drag. =[

Anyways, onto your story! First off, the spacing was really weird here. Every few paragraphs you'd have extra spaces and it would throw me off. O_o I don't know what's up with that, but I just thought I'd point it out. ^_^

I think you're definitely improving, but you still have some work. Oliver came off as a bit too kind in my opinion. In my mind, at least, he's a Quidditch captain who really doesn't care about anything else but the game. I don't think he would be so concerned for Ellie herself, but rather the fact that she wouldn't be able to play. But I never got that vibe from him, you know?

As for Ellie, I like her, but she could easily become a Mary-Sue. All we see of her is her being stubborn and being irritated by Oliver. I think it might be good to expand on her characteristics and show us some other sides to her, because no one is every snappy and annoyed every single second, you know? If you just tweak her a bit, I think you'll be on the right track for a good, solid character.

The story itself is rather entertaining and I'm enjoying reading it quite a lot. I tend not to read Oliver/OC, so I can't give you feedback on whether I think this is original or not, but it seems like it's off to a great start and I can't wait to see where it goes. Keep up the great work, dear. ^_^


Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing. I really appreciate it!

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Review #3, by padfoots girlAstute Observations: Astute Observations

14th May 2009:

Seriously, this was an amazing one-shot. I've always meant to read your stories and I never got the chance to. But I'm really glad that I started with this one. ^_^ The way that you chose to write this story was extremely original. I don't think I ever would have thought to change up the order. I loved it, though. I read it both the way it was intended and then I went back and read it in the correct chronological order and I loved both ways. It really made me appreciate the story so much more. ^_^

The thing that struck me most about this story was that there really was no happy ending or grand final scene or anything of the sort. It was simply real. It was written beautifully, there's no doubt about that, and the writing itself was amazing, but there was nothing special about the events themselves in this story. (A good thing, in this case. =P) And that's what made it so great. You took insignificant events and weaved them together to create a beautiful story.

In all the Tonks/Remus stories that I've read, I've always felt like something was missing, but I always assumed that I would just have to deal with it and no one was going to capture this ship the way I wanted them to. You've proven me wrong. This is officially my all time favorite Remus & Tonks story. *applauds you* You did an absolutely amazing job with this story. I honestly don't know what else to say. I'm so glad I saw you posting around TGS, because otherwise I'm afraid I would have missed out on this awesome one-shot.

My favorite line: "What was she supposed to do? This was not the sort of thing she was trained for." Just a simple little line, but I loved it. It really shows that Tonks has no idea what she's doing when it comes to love. ^_^

10/10. I absolutely loved it. ^_^
-Alex (renegade on TGS)

Author's Response: Wow back to you. :P This is quite a review! Thanks for taking the time to be so detailed. :D

The changing of the order happened accidentally. It was originally continuous, with the parts in the same order as they are now, but without the flashback. But when I looked back into HBP for help, I realised that I had it out of order - Remus and Tonks talked about Sirius's death not long after it occurred, so those two scenes had to become flashbacks. I'm quite pleased that this mistake turned into something people liked. ^_^

As for happy endings, or the lack of them, that's my own problem as a writer. I seem incapable of making my characters end stories happily. And when I do, it usually sounds fake (to me, at least). :P It's quite sad. Good to know that it worked for this story - I did try to make the ending less depressing (because it was even depressing me. It was initially going to end with his flat-out rejection of her). Anyway, it didn't seem to me that neither character was really able to make a sweepingly romantic ending happen. They're so mismatched and awkward, which is at once sweet, but also keeps them from finding perfect harmony with one another.

Haha, if it helps, I wrote this partly because I couldn't find many Remus/Tonks stories that really satisfied me. It's fantastic that this one was the right one for you, and I'm really really glad that you enjoyed reading it. Wow, your favourite! *dances* Thank you so much for taking the time to read, review, and most importantly, enjoy. ^_^

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Review #4, by padfoots girlMistakes Worth Making: Four.

14th May 2009:
Haha. I love how all the adults so easily understand that Teddy likes Dom, but Teddy himself can't seem to figure it out. And then Bill is just oblivious 'cause he wants no one near his daughters. =P Another great chapter, here. I love it. Again, I think a bit more description could be added in the parts where there's just a bunch of dialogue, but it's nothing too major.

I'm really excited to see where this story goes! Let me know when it's updated, okay? *glomps* Keep up the wonderful writing. ^_^

Author's Response: Well, either the men are wrong or Teddy just hasn't come to terms with it yet, the drama, Lol. Dad's do tend to be on the protective side, don't they? And I don't think Bill would be any different with his part Veelas. Yes, I'll be working on the dialogue bits, because this chapter is still to be beta'd. Your praise and your CC are so helpful and I really appreciate your reviews ^_^.

There's a while to go yet, but hopefully you'll read the whole way! I updated two days ago, so I'll go and PM you now, my dear. Thanks so much for your amazing fantasmical reviews! *glompage*

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Review #5, by padfoots girlMistakes Worth Making: Chapter Three.

14th May 2009:
Aw, overprotective Teddy! Haha. =P I really am enjoying this story, Jane. The characters you've created here are really amazing and I feel like I'm there with them. ^_^ My only criticism would be that there are parts where there's a whole bunch of dialogue and no description at all. I don't think a lot of description is needed, but a little bit more would be beneficial to the story, in my opinion. ^_^

Besides that, it's wonderful! Teddy is still confusing me, Dom and Adam made me go "aw!" and Victoire just doesn't get my support. =P Keep up the great work, dear! *huggles*

Author's Response: That is really one of the biggest compliments you could have given me! I do try to make my characters easy to relate to and I'm glad that you think they are. I understand that completely, it's something that my beta has pointed out to me and as I am having my chapters edited I plan on adding some in ^_^.

Ahhh! Thanks you so much again. Teddy is a complicated bloke, and I agree Dom and Adam are both sweethearts, but that isn't how Teddy sees it. And as for Victoire, just wait and see, maybe she'll grow on you ^_^. *huggles alex back*

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Review #6, by padfoots girlMistakes Worth Making: Two.

14th May 2009:
Okay, so I am right with Dom and am thoroughly confused about Teddy at the moment. But I suppose that's what you wanted, yes? =P The boy says he doesn't like Victoire, but all signs point towards the fact that he does. *sigh* I can only wait to see where this goes, but I am the newest cheerleader for Dom & Teddy. ^_^ Dom/Teddy for the win! =P

Anyways, nice chapter. I loved it. I'm going to say it again: it's super nice to read a love triangle story that isn't insanely depressing. =P It makes me a very happy reader. haha. Keep up the great work! ^_^ *skips off to the next chapter*

Author's Response: You shall be confused for a while yet, the plot can only thicken, Lol. Woo! Dom and Teddy fan alert, if you want some good recommendations for these two, then I'm your girl. But, you never know what could happen in this fic... =P

Thanks so much! Your reviews really make me smile, for this fic I had to pull myself out of the good old thing they call depression in writing, Lol. *skips off to next review*

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Review #7, by padfoots girlMistakes Worth Making: One.

14th May 2009:
You've made me smile, Jane, and considering my sick condition at the moment, that's an accomplishment. ^_^ I've been sitting here all day reading this terribly sad and depressing stories and then I decided to read yours and I was happily surprised with it. Most Dom/Teddy/Victoire fics are all angst and depressing and full of unrequited love and all that, but this one started off differently. And I must say, it's rather refreshing. ^_^

I really loved Dom and Molly's interaction--it was rather amusing. I have no idea where you're going with the whole Teddy/Victoire thing, but I'm very interested to see why Victoire was acting like that. I haven't read Persuasion yet... it's sitting on my table just waiting for me to pick it up, so I can't really guess accordingly. Darn. =P But I suppose I'll just keep reading and see where it goes. ^_^

Teddy's line at the end was great, also. He's different than the Teddy I normally read, but I like him. I think that you took characters and a plot that are rather overused and you've started off in a completely different way than most stories. *applauds* I really enjoyed reading this and I'm continuing on to read the rest of the chapters now. ^_^

Author's Response: Aww, I'm glad that I got a smile out of you! Yes, sad and depressing fics are usually the ones labelled must-read, but I completely agree that they can get waay too heavy and all you need a little bit of romance or humour to break it up. There shall be no angsty depression here, if I can help it, Lol.

I decided to go for a Molly that was not like Percy, because in this story there's enough of my ridiculous form of Percy to go around! So, therefore why shouldn't she and Dom be able to get along? They're a lot of fun together. Also, reading persuasion probably wouldn't help you, at this moment Vic is just an OTT version of a character in it, but I do suggest reading it because it's one of my very favourite Austen novels.

Teddy is the love of my life (mainly because he's Remus' son)! I'd be interested to know what the Teddy you normally read is like because, despite my love for him, I've only really read two long fics where he reoccurs; Still Delicate and Colour My World. I've managed to steer away from other love triangle fics and I'm sooo thrilled that you think this is a fresh take on an old plot! I just couldn't resist writing these three.
Thanks so much for the review it truly was wonderful ^_^.

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Review #8, by padfoots girlStars and the Moon: Doug Anderson III

14th May 2009:
Okay, back again. ^_^

I don't think it's Casey that you need to be worrying about too much, actually. I mean, there are a few things you could work on to improve her and make her a more complete character (I'll get to that later in the review), but my main concern for this chapter was Doug and Sirius. I think you rushed into things here, so what could have been an interesting twist just popped up out of nowhere. As I was reading this, I just couldn't seem to shake the feeling that it really didn't flow with the rest of the story so far.

I think if you took it slower, introduced Doug more as his own character and let the readers decide what they thought about him, rather than just taking Casey's word and never really reading him until after she says yes to his date. The way you did it, I feel like I haven't connected with him at all and you want your readers to connect with a character, even if they're a bad character, you know? It'll make the story more complete.

You're headed in the right direction with Sirius and when he first came into this chapter, I thought you were doing pretty well. But as soon as he and Casey both started to get into an argument about Doug, the believability was lost. At least, for me it was. Sirius seemed too nosy and he was pushing a subject with a girl that he really doesn't know. I think if you had stopped that little dispute when Sirius says, "He wants you," it would have been more effective. In my very humble opinion, at least. =P

I understand that you want to get the story off and running and that this chapter was just a filler chapter as it was, but I still think you could have split this into two chapters. You don't have to necessarily devote each chapter to a certain subject, you know? You can incorporate the plot with Doug into the plot with Remus & Sirius and that way they all work together to bring you towards your end goal. ^_^

I've decided that when it comes to descriptions, you're fine. After all, this is written in first person and often times it's hard to write descriptively that way, because most people don't start rambling off about the setting and all that. =P So don't worry about adding more description, just write what feels right and don't force anything. =]

Your grammar errors have gone down considerably and I see that you had a beta for this chapter! *thumbs up* Betas are absolutely wonderful. ^_^ There was just one thing that stood out to me most and I had to re-read it twice to figure out who was saying it:

"Well I didn't ask for your opinion," I snapped, but automatically felt bad for being mean.

"Sorry. I just… It's just rare for someone to like me let alone want me."

^There, you should have that all one paragraph. Because when you start a new paragraph of dialogue, it generally means that a new person is speaking. Which confused me when I was reading this, because I was like, why is Sirius saying sorry? =P Just thought I'd point that out for future reference. ^_^

So overall, just don't rush things and take a step back and look at your characterizations. Remus and Casey are just fine (which is good since they're the main ones =P), but people like Sirius and Doug--and any other character in the future--just need a little bit of tweaking. Your dialogue is really good, also, but at times it just seems a bit forced. My advice for making sure nothing is off in dialogue is re-reading it to yourself and ask yourself, would someone actually say this out loud? There were a couple of lines between Sirius, Casey, and Doug that I really doubted the realism of the words. Because in my honest opinion, no one out right says (after only a week of knowing the girl), "I just want you all to myself. I don't want to share. I want you to be mine." Make sense?

I wish you the best of luck with the rest of this story! I'm sure it'll turn out wonderfully. And I'm glad that these reviews have helped you. Keep up the good work! ^_^

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Review #9, by padfoots girlStars and the Moon: Pancakes for Two

14th May 2009:
Okay, here to read another chapter, 'cause I didn't get around to it yesterday. ^_^

Once again, I'm skipping over the grammar errors, because when you get a beta, they'll take care of that. So with that part of the review out of the way, I can go on to look at the characters. ^_^

You're definitely on the right track with Casey. In the beginning, though, it seems a bit off to me. Maybe it's just my personal opinion, but I think I would have preferred to have one whole chapter of Dead Casey talking to us and then just continue on with the story without her commentary there. *shrugs* It seems to break up the story to me and you're explaining things that would be better explained if you just wrote them out. Does that make sense? My apologies if I'm just rambling. =P

The interaction between Remus & Casey was well written, for sure. I think you really have a good grasp of Remus's character personality-wise. For example, when he insists on paying her back, that was a very Remus moment for me. So good job on that.

The only thing that I'm a bit hesitant about accepting is that Remus is so good looking. I mean, sure, he was probably handsome, but you continue to repeat over and over again that he's pretty much the most drop dead gorgeous guy ever known to earth, and that just seems a bit out of place, you know? It's fine for Casey to be attracted to him and to think he's good-looking, for sure, but just don't over do it, 'cause then the readers get bored and are like, "We get that she thinks he's hot. Can we move on?" And you don't want readers to get bored. =P

Casey's dad amuses me. And the fact that there really was no one else in the cafe but her dad and her brother are so annoyed with her was a nice touch. Things like that, which are subtle, really add to the characters, in my opinion. It shows that her dad & brother have no tolerance for her socializing and think she should be working all the time. And when it's written in a way that's not stated, but rather implied, that's when you know you're getting somewhere. ^_^

I keep going back and forth on whether or not I think there should be more description. Of course, I'm a huge fan of tons of description, but it also depends on the story. I think you're doing a nice job with dialogue, so you don't need to worry yourself too much about description. But if you are looking for help in that way, I would suggest just describing some more emotion, rather than appearances, you know? *shrugs* I'll get back to you on this one in my next review when I have a better opinion! =P

You're doing a very nice job so far, dear. Keep up the good work. ^_^

Author's Response: Goodness, I love how specific your reviews are! You're just fantastic, aren't you? I'm actually planning on going somewhere with the thinking Remus is so gorgeous thing. What goes up, must come down, correct? Muahaha.

I'm glad you liked Casey's dad and brother XD They're basically like my dad and my youngest older brother. Heh.

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Review #10, by padfoots girlPerfume and Promises: Back When He Was Perfect

14th May 2009:
Oh, wow. I absolutely loved this.

I was a bit hesitant at first, since generally I'm not a fan of Draco stories, but you changed my mind about this one. It was beautifully written and extremely sad. It left me feeling empty inside (a good thing, in this case =P) and I really felt sorry for Astoria. You did a perfect job of subtly hinting at the life that she and Draco shared after he started drinking, but you didn't have to go into detail about it. It was just left up to the reader to determine and I really love those kinds of stories.

The last line of this story was amazing. I can't think of a better way that you could have finished this. ^_^ It was perfect. This one-shot was a really enjoyable (although, sad) read and I'm really glad that I took the time to read this, because it really was worth it. I plan on reading more of your work in the future, for sure. Amazing job, dear! ^_^

-Alex (renegade on TGS ^_^)

Author's Response: Aw, thanks!

I'm not a huge fan of Draco stories either, mainly because I haven't found someone who's written a convincing Draco, so I decided to see if I could. I'm glad you enjoyed this, and the last line specifically, I've received mixed feedback on that so I'm happy to hear another vote to keep it.

Thanks so much for this review, it's lovely, really. Now I'm going to be smiling all evening :P


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Review #11, by padfoots girlIn This Best of All Possible Worlds: Prodigy

14th May 2009:
Wow. I've been meaning to read "We Gryffies" for some time now, but kept putting it off due to the length. And then I saw this pop up in the recently added stories and I decided that it was definitely time I read something of yours. And I must say, I'm absolutely thrilled that I did. ^_^ I understand that this is only the first chapter of this story, and really just an introductory one at that, but I think it's brilliant.

Not only did you capture the era amazingly, but your characterizations blew me away. I really felt like I was sitting next to Albus and Madam Bagshot, listening in on their conversation. They came alive in my head and you managed to do that in one chapter alone. It was amazing.

I don't know what exactly it is that's making me already in love with this story, but you managed to do it. I cannot wait till the story really kicks off. This chapter alone was amazing and nothing really happened. =P I can't wait to see where you go with the rest of the story and I'll definitely be here to read each and every chapter as they're updated. =]

I generally write more structured reviews than this, but I have no criticism for you. Honestly. And I think this chapter deserves to be praised more than anything, so that's just what I'm doing. =P It was brilliant, I loved it, end of story. ^_^ I'm adding this to my favorites, for sure. Excellent job! Please, keep up the amazing work, dear. ^_^

10/10. ^_^


Author's Response: Oh my goodness... Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you enjoy the story so far - I'm a huge Dumbledore fan (as you might imagine =P) and the story of his and Grindelwald's friendship is the most compelling to me in terms of "uncharted" canon waters that are ripe for fanfiction.

Haha, nothing did happen in this chapter, but I hope it's appropriate for a prologue and, let's face it, Albus's life was probably really boring until Gellert came along. Things will pick up, of course, and I'm very excited for when they do.

Again, thank you so much for your kind words. You've made my day! =D

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Review #12, by padfoots girlRemember Me: Recollections

29th April 2009:
Here to review, as requested! ^_^

I must say, this was a nice little chapter for the start of this story. I really liked how you had them meet under every day circumstances. Too often people try to have their main characters meet in some amazing scenario, but this way makes it much more believable. I thought the flashbacks were really good and I think that you have set the tone for the story rather well.

As far as characterizations go, I think you have Lily (and the small part of James, so far) down pretty well. It really sounds like them and I have no criticism there. Where Severus is concerned, though, there were parts that made me feel like it just wasn't him. He seemed to nice overall, too polite and civil. He just found out Lily and James got married, I don't think he would be taking it so well. But that's just my opinion, to do what you wish with it. ^_^

Overall, you have a great start to a new story. I wish you the best of luck with the rest of it! It's sure to be a wonderful read. ^_^


Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. =) I was more worried about Severus and how he was reacting than Lily, probably in part due to the fact that you can't see his thoughts and just generally how he is such a complicated character. I'm glad you enjoyed it so far. Thanks again! =)

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Review #13, by padfoots girlDefiance: No Regrets

22nd April 2009:
Here to review, as requested! ^_^

I really enjoyed reading your Narcissa here. I think you had a very nice grasp on her as a character, as well as taking some creative license and spinning her into your own version of her. Very nicely done. The air around her just seemed perfect and you had the whole pureblood supremacy emotion down perfectly.

Your descriptions in the beginning were wonderful. Really, I was drawn in from the moment I started reading this and I just read straight through without letting anyone distract me. You really did a great job on keeping the flow of the story continuing on and I didn't feel like anything was forced here. *applauds*

My only criticism is of Draco and Lucius. You put so much development into Narcissa and then I felt like I was let down with these two. Draco was somewhat believable, even if he was a bit on the soft side for my taste. (But that may just be my personal opinion, as well.) But Lucius... I don't know. It just seemed all so sudden, him forgiving Narcissa. Again, it could just be my strong opinion, but I think that he was too accepting for a man in his position. I just don't see him ever apologizing.

Besides that, though, wonderful story! I'm so glad you stopped by my thread, this was a great read! Amazing work, dear. ^_^


Author's Response: Narcissa was a surprisingly intriguing character to explore. To be honest, I never really thought much of her before DH. After I read her major scene in DH, I was completely gobsmacked. It just added a whole nother layer to her I didn't know existed. I'm beyond thrilled and relieved that her character came across the way I wanted.

Oh wow, you have no idea how much that praise means to me! Description is by no means my strongest suit. It's a constant uphill battle to get it right so it's a great relief to hear that you enjoyed it that much. *blush*

Fair point. You're not the first reviewer to mention it so it's alright :). I'm not as satisfied with their characterisation as I am with Narcissa's. It was tricky to write them, I can't lie. Draco was meant to be depicted as more reserved and withdrawn and I guess the romantic in me wanted for there to be a happy ending for the Malfoys.

Thank you so much for the wonderful constructive criticsm, I greatly appreciate it!


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Review #14, by padfoots girlStill I Rise: Prologue

13th April 2009:
Here to review, as requested! ^_^

So I must say that you've got an interesting idea here. Although, I don't quite understand it all. If Andraste could just kill Voldemort, then was there really any reason to kidnap Harry? But perhaps there's a reason that I'll just have to find out later. =P But from this chapter, that's what confused me.

And everything seemed to just flow a bit too perfectly. I mean, Andraste is really close to being a total Mary-Sue, in the sense that nothing ever goes wrong for her. She's the Dark Lord's most trusted servant, second-in-command, yet he never knew that she was working for the Order? And she was the "other" Marauder and all that and... I don't know. She just seems to have everything go perfectly for her without any struggles, so I'd be careful about that.

There were a couple of grammar and spelling mistakes here and there. One specific spelling example was that prophecy is spelled with a "c" not an "s." But nothing too significant, it might just be me who sees all this grammar stuff all the time. =P

But overall, it's a really interesting idea. And aside from everything running smoothly for Andraste, I think she has a lot of potential as a character. That little paragraph that came after the opening of this chapter was great. I think it really captured her personality, at least for me. So good job on that! Just work on developing her a little more so that she doesn't just walk through life without any problems, you know?

Great job, dear. I hope you don't take anything above the wrong way. I'm just giving you my suggestions. =] I think this story has really great potential. There's just a couple things you could work on a bit. Keep up the good work, though, dear. ^_^


Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I know that it was a bit confusing and that Andraste did pretty much whatever she wanted in this chapter but that will be explained. Thanks for picking up on the spelling too, I'll fix that asap!

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Review #15, by padfoots girlYou Had Me: You Had Me

10th April 2009:
Here to review, as requested! ^_^

So you've got a really interesting idea here and I really enjoyed reading it. But honestly, it was a bit on the short side. I'm not usually someone who looks at the word count to measure a story, but in this case, I think you could have given us some more. The parts that were in here were amazing, really, and your descriptions were beautiful, but we never learned why she killed him, or what exactly happened when he left her to die. You could have definitely expanded on the story.

But I really did enjoy what you had here for us. I only say the above because your story left me wanting more. If you were trying to keep it vague, then I understand that, but your writing was just so good and this story has a lot of potential just from this little piece, that I think you could really have an amazing idea, if you wrote more about it. =] But that's just my opinion.

Aside from all that, I am in love with the way that this is written. I really like your style and I very much enjoyed this. You took a character that so many people have written and you wrote a side to her that I have yet to see. So I applaud you for that. Amazing job! ^_^


Author's Response: Hey! :)

Aha, for the most part most people have agreed with that it's too short and needs more. It's what I intended originally, to leave the reader to draw their own conclusions, but people want answers! :P I shall rewrite this in the future to include some more information, but not much. ;)

I am seriously SO glad you liked the style of the story, I thought it was quite prominent in the writing! I'm glad you like my characterisation too :D

Thank you for such a wonderful review!

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Review #16, by padfoots girlJust Because: Fear Of Falling

8th April 2009:
Back again to review. ^_^

So this was definitely an interesting chapter. The whole thing with the broom will prove to be a rather interesting mystery if you expand on that. (Which I certainly hope you do.) For a moment there, I was worried that you were going to have Oliver catch her when she fell, in which case I would have cringed at the cliche-ness. But you proved me wrong! Which I'm very glad about, because I like this way so much better.

My favorite line had to be, "Get better soon or something,” he said gruffly." As if he doesn't even know how to say get better soon. =] That was great, right there. And I think that you're doing a better job with your OC, even if we still haven't seen her outside of anything to do with Oliver. Of course, this is an Oliver/OC romance, but still, it would be nice to see her interact with just the girls for a couple of scenes, or just the twins, without her thoughts wandering back to Oliver. Even people completely in love with another person don't constantly think about that person. They have to think about other things at some point. =P

Other than that, you're doing a wonderful job! Keep up the nice work and I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your story. You have the makings of a wonderful story here! I had fun reading this story. ^_^


Author's Response: I'm so glad that you like it! I really love writing this, because I get to show off another side of my writing style. Normally, I write some very sad pieces. But thanks! I really appreciate your review

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Review #17, by padfoots girlJust Because: Miss A Quidditch Practice Or Otherwise Die

8th April 2009:
Hello, dear! Here to review, as requested! ^_^

Oliver is obsessed with Quidditch, I've got to hand it to him. =P I really like that side of him, so I think that you should just expand even more on that and show just how insane he can be about the sport. It'll give you plenty of opportunities to have Ellie mad at him and it'll develop his character more. Of course, you also need to show other sides of him, because no one can be like all the time, I don't care what anyone says. I know a couple of people who believe that life is all about sports and nothing else, but they do occasionally think about other things. And they still manage to sort of have a life. =P

Your OC just seems to be mad at Oliver and that's about it. Maybe add more layers to her? I know it's only the first chapter, but if all the reader is going to hear is her going on and on about how much she hates Oliver Wood, then your readers are going to get bored rather quickly. So just show her in different situations where her main concern is not Oliver. It'll help the readers connect with her and it'll develop her more. But you also said that there was a reason for not going into detail about her in this first chapter, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

There were a couple of places where your spacing seemed to be off, but besides that, I didn't really notice any grammatical errors. I wasn't looking, granted, but still, I didn't catch anything. So good job on that front. I'm off to read the next chapter now. ^_^


Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much for a great review. I really appreciate it. :0

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Review #18, by padfoots girlThe Importance of Being...: Smart.

8th April 2009:
Okay, so just a couple mistakes I found and figured I'd point out. ^_^

-"...feeling Indie jump onto the end, she feel asleep almost instantly." It should be "fell" not "feel."

--“Breakfast’s finished, and dinner’s not until 12.” -- Dinner? I think you mean lunch on that one. =]

So with those out of the way, I have to say that I really liked this chapter. Obviously Lyla's hiding something and you're doing a good job keeping your reader in suspense and wanting to know what exactly happened with her brother.

Now, again, I'm finding it hard to believe that Lyla can just throw someone against the wall and act like any other normal person, because, lets face it, she isn't. Unless there's an explanation for this in later chapters, then I would work on fixing that. *shrugs* That's just my opinion on the whole thing, since I just can't seem to find it possible, let alone normal.

Now, with that said, I really liked the scene between her and Lucius. It really added another layer to the story and yet again you gave the readers a chapter that is fast paced and has something happening in it. I really like that part of this story, there's never a dull moment.

Also, I like how you write Lyla having better senses than most (with the exception of sight, of course). Hearing and smelling better than most people is definitely something that blind people tend to do, so that's a big thumbs up on that part. ^_^

You're off to a really good start with this story. I would just suggest working on Lyla and making her a solid character when it comes to her being blind. Other than that, you're doing absolutely wonderful. Nice work. ^_^ It was a pleasure reading.


Author's Response: =] Just a quick one I call "Lunch" - "Dinner" an dinner "Tea" sorry if there was any confusion.

I'm glad that you liked the scene with her and lucius because i enjoyed writing it. I know it seems like she has this weird super strength she doesn't she has normal strength but it is explained more in the coming chapters.

I can't get accross how much i appreciate your reviews I will definatly be taking note of them.

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Review #19, by padfoots girlThe Importance of Being...: Innocent

8th April 2009:
Okay, so there is the occasional grammatical mistakes scattered throughout the chapter, but nothing earth shattering and nothing that I took the time to make a note of, so that's good. ^_^

Now, onto the actual story. I really enjoy the fact that your plot is fast paced and keeps the reader interested. There's no boring, filler stuff, just to up your word count, you know? Everything in the chapter is interesting and you manage to keep even the smaller moments exciting, which is good. =]

Lyla's personality is great and I think you've created a nice OC here. Only thing again, is the whole blind thing. I'm curious, (and I don't mean this in a bad way at all) have you ever met a blind person? Speaking from experience on my end, (now, granted, I only know one blind person) someone who's blind doesn't really have their eyes darting all over the room. Generally, their eyes are rolled back and they usually stay that way. *shrugs* Just throwing that out there so you can make this more realistic.

The scene between Dumbledore and the Gryffindors was a nice touch. As well as James's version of the story. I really think you're doing a good job with those guys and how you're writing them. They're all staying in character for this story and I think you've definitely got a nice handle on that part of the story.

Keep up the good work and I'm off to read the next chapter. ^_^


Author's Response: I Know i'm making Lyla seem a little well, not blind. But there is an explanation for it coming up in the next few chapters. =] But taking what you've said into consideration I will definatly start working on her character.

Thanks again.

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Review #20, by padfoots girlThe Importance of Being...: Asleep

8th April 2009:
Okay, here to review. ^_^

So you've got a good idea going here, with your transfer student being blind. It's a good way to set her apart, for sure. The only thing is, Lyla just isn't believable to me. I mean, I know someone who's blind, and she definitely doesn't have such a good feeling of her surroundings. Every movement for her has to be careful and even on a path that she's walked a million times before, she still has to feel her way around.

So, with that said, perhaps you have an explanation for Lyla's insane dueling skills and how she can react to Sirius like a normal person. But I just think you could develop her a little bit more so that you take full advantage of her being blind and use it to build her character, rather than just slapping on the fact that she's blind and then not incorporating that into her character, you know?

Aside from that, I think you have a good sense of characterization for the Marauders and Lily. Having Lily and Remus be friends, even though Lily disapproves of his friends, was a nice touch as well. Now, the one thing that I had to wonder about was Lily agreeing to just duel because Lyla convinced her. To me, that's just not Lily. Of course, you're entitled to your own opinion of the type of person Lily was, but you were starting to build her up as a rule follower and then all of a sudden she's agreeing to break the rules? *shrugs* It just seemed a little off to me.

Your dialogue is really good, though, and you really keep the story moving through that. You might want to add a little detail here and there to keep it from being all dialogue, but that's all good. You're off to a nice start here, dear. ^_^ And I don't mean to sound harsh at all, just in case I came off as having too much criticism. I just think you have a really good idea here if you just develop it a little more. ^_^ On to the next chapter!


Author's Response: Hi, Thanks for the great review you've given me alot to think about. I appreciate you taking the time to do it =]

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Review #21, by padfoots girlMadam Minister: Pater Familias

6th April 2009:
Alright, characterization definitely isn't a problem in this story. =] I absolutely love Artemisia and what you've done with her so far and after introducing her brother and father, I love them as well. You definitely are able to capture the air of the time in both the descriptions, as well as the dialogue and I bow down to you for that.

The plot I'm guessing will be picking up soon? You seem to be setting it up rather nicely, though there are no big events for me to comment on at the moment. Altogether, though, this story is pretty darn good. ^_^ You have your characters down well, the basis of a plot is in the works, and your definitely not a newcomer to the whole historical bit. It's nice to read a historical piece where it actually sounds historical, rather than just forced. Everything seems to flow really well in this story.

I love it! I'm adding this to my favorites, for sure. And please let me know when it's updated! I would love to read it. ^_^ This certainly has the makings of a wonderful story, my dear. ^_^


Author's Response: Hey Alex!
Yay! I'm so glad you like Artemisia's characterization. I've been trying so hard to keep her well-rounded. I really don't want her to become a Sue ;)

Yes, the plot should be picking up soon. The next chapter really gets things rolling with Artemisia in France, meeting new people and learning about the Enlightenment. The story itself has four different "phases" to it. The first ten chapters are a bit slow and talky, the next ten are action-packed and the rest are based on the advent of the French Revolution and the subsequent drama. But I better keep my mouth shut or I'll give away the whole story ;)

Thank you SO much for taking the time to review, Alex. I really do appreciate it. I hope you have a great week! Take care!

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Review #22, by padfoots girlMadam Minister: The Duel

6th April 2009:
So I definitely enjoyed this chapter! You seem to have a really good grasp of your characters so far and where you want them to go. I especially liked the duel and how you showed that Dick really wasn't looking forward to hurting Artemisia, but that he was just doing it to defend his honor. It made me more sympathetic towards him and I think it definitely helps the reader connect with him.

Unfortunately, I feel like I'm listening more to Dick's story than Artemisia's, in this chapter. I don't know how the other chapters will play out (I'll see when I get to the next one), but maybe have it from Artemisia's POV? Not first person, but sort of like HP is, with it being in third person and all, but we see it from Artemisia's POV. Because then the reader is going to be able to connect more with her. ^_^ But you might do that in later chapters, I'm just saying that based off of this one.

I really liked the end of this chapter and how Dick felt bad about being the reason that Artemisia didn't get the job and how he offered her some sort of help. I wonder if they will ever cross paths later in the story? It might be interesting to see how they act after she becomes Minister and it's all because he told her to apply to a different department. =P

Overall, you're doing an absolutely wonderful job! I'm really looking forward to following this story and I love the fact that you took such a minor character (a miniscule minor character, at that) and are creating such a wonderful story already. Keep up the amazing work, dear! ^_^


Author's Response: Hello again Alex!
What a wonderful review! Thank you so much. Your feedback has been so encouraging. ^_^

Yes, Dick will cross paths with Artemisia later on. He'll actually be a very important character and quite significant to the plot. I'm glad you liked his interaction with Artemisia enough to want to read more about it ;)

And yes, this story will mostly be in Artemisia's POV. There will be a few chapters (like this one) when the POV shifts to another character, but otherwise, the fic will be told from the third person in her POV ^_^

Again, I'm thrilled that you're enjoying this. Your comments were so very helpful. Take care!


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Review #23, by padfoots girlMadam Minister: Prologue

6th April 2009:
Hey Lee Anne! Here to review! ^_^

So yes, there's quite a bit of angst in this Prologue, but I have complete faith that this is going to be a brilliant story. This is a nice little set up for the rest of the story and with your brilliance when it comes to history, I'm sure this is going to be fantastic. =]

I wasn't looking for mistakes, but there was just one error that caught my eye. You say, "They had called her a the great reformer and true to her reputation..." and you should take out either the "a" or the "the" but you can't have both. =P

I can't give too much feedback on the characterization or plot so far, seeing as it's just a prologue and very vague at that, but you seem off to a good start and I'm excited to read the next chapters! Artemisia seems like an awesome character and I'm really looking forward to seeing how you develop her. ^_^


Author's Response: Hi Alex!
Thank you so much for taking the time to review. It was great hearing from you and I just loved your feedback ^_^

Hehe, yes the prologue was quite angsty, but the rest of the story certainly won't be. There will be drama, of course, but nothing quite so melodramatic as the opening installment ;)

Ack! Typo! Thanks so much for pointing that out ^_^ It seems that no matter how many times I proofread a chapter, one mistake always slips through.

And I'm glad you like Artemisia so far. I think she could easily become a Sue, so I'm really trying to keep her grounded.

Again, thanks for the great review! Take care!


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Review #24, by padfoots girlPirates: The Ships

5th April 2009:
So I love the last line of this chapter. Well, the last few lines. ^_^ I'm still trying to grasp this whole concept of this new "world" but I think I'm starting to get it. I really like the idea of throwing them all into this world, but if you ask me, I think it would be more effective as a time-travel fic where they would actually be thrown into the real world. It might make things more interesting. *shrugs* But that's just my two cents.

Anyways, I think you have a really good handle on Draco's character, as well as Hermione's. Characterization doesn't seem to be a problem at all, although I didn't get to the chapters that you said you were worried about, unfortunately. My advice is to just make sure that you don't rush things and that you have the characters act like they really would. Don't make things too simple, don't resolve conflicts in a single chapter. Take your time and I'm sure that this story is going to be quite a fun read!

Keep up the good work, you're definitely on the right track. ^_^ It was a pleasure reading this for you.

Author's Response: Truly, once you get to chapter four, it's so good. But I believe I'm loosing people on the way in. It's difficult, and like I mentioned below, it's so hard to find a way to make this fly!

I thought about throwing them into the actual world, but then... They couldn't die so many times. haha :) It's all about the competition, I suppose :) I do appreciate the cents though!

Draco: *sigh of relief*. Thank you so much. He... I hate it when people make him a daisy mush pot. He's not! And... I just got tired of reading Dramione's over and over again where he was.

Rushing: I'm doing my best not to, even though sometimes i'm impatient to get to the rest. :) Slowness is always fun, the readers throw virtual tomatoes, but it's all good :) haha. I'm so happy you took the time to read these first three chapters. Already, you've given me ideas to make this story easier on the eyes, and the transition might work out better aswell :)

Thank you! I really appreciate it!



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Review #25, by padfoots girlPirates: The Choice of the Scope

5th April 2009:
I so called Hermione being a Pirate Captain! The one thing I wish we could have seen here would be Ron and Harry's reaction to Hermione being on the other team. They are all best friends, after all. And I think that IC-wise, Hermione would have been a bit ticked off that she was a Pirate Captain when that means that she's against Harry & Ron, something that's never happened before. Maybe show her confusion and a bit of timidness? After all, this is a situation that has never come up before for the trio.

Also, do you have a beta? I keep finding grammatical errors and though they aren't too bad, it would be nice if you had a beta who could go over that and edit your chapters for you. =]

The end of this chapter is very IC for Hermione. I like how she takes charge and pretty much tells the others what the ship is going to look like. That's very Hermione, so good job on that part. =] Over all, its a good idea for this story and you seem to have a good grasp of the characters. So even though the plot is a bit out there, your characters are staying pretty IC, for the most part.

Author's Response: Haha :) Truly predictable, huh. :P What can I say, my foreshadowing... worked? haha

You're completely right about the whole Trio reaction to Hermione being a pirate. I do need to address that. You're genius! I never thought to put it there. She would be mad. You're right :) I need to fix this ASAP. Props for the brilliance :)

I don't have a beta :) I tried to get one several times, but unfortunately, no one wnated to do a Dramione that was already 20 chapters in the works :( I need to find one, but they are elusive. I've applied at the forums, but to no avail.

I'm happy Hermione is good :) She is the main character, and I think that she needs to be spot on. :) Thanks for the encouragement and positive thoughts. I figured if they were IC, the story would be a little more acceptable, than not ;)

Thank you again for the amazing review :) I wonder if you'd let me request again? haha :) You're genius is just... wonderful. I could use someone like you to make this story jsut what it needs to be!


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