Okay... Well, I don't think I've actually reviewed any of your other fics, but I've read everything else you've posted here. Your writing posses great power when it can force a reader to cry, laugh and second guess their own thoughts within a single paragraph.
Your style of writing is unique, and I really love it. It's nice to read AU fanfiction that's actually kinda realistic, especially in that the actions of the characters are actually as rash or cautious or outrageous as you would expect from them.
Back onto the topic of this chapter, it's the one that really inspired me to write a review. As I've read this fic and seen the events unfold in my mind, it seems that the tension and emotions have just welled up and climaxed at this wonderous (though unhappy) peak, bringing the reader to tears.
I'm truly amazed and engaged by every chapter of your stories, and I can't wait to read more.Author's Response: Thank you very much!!!! Report Review
Wow... what a great piece of writing. You certainly have a knack for capturing grief, especially in Harry. Can't wait to read some more! Report Review
This looks really interesting, though parts of this chapter were a bit difficult to understand. Maybe you could make it more obvious when you change to a different memory, instead of just merging them all together as you've done.
I like the idea of Sirius just being caught in that sort of zone between life and death though, and I think you've portrayed that reasonably well.
Now, on to the next chapter! Report Review
Hmm... very interesting...
I like the idea of James not being dead... but if he recovers, how will he react to Sirius' recent death???
Just watch a few words in there, some of them don't make sense, like at the start it says he saw Sirius fall "throw" the veil, and I think you meant to write "through".
Looks good though.Author's Response: thanks, I don't think I would have caught that. Report Review
What a great AU fic. I've read so many that completely destroy the ideals behind a character still being alive, or whatever else the author changed.
I love the way you're developing the relationship between Sirius and Harry, though I do hope at some point Harry will tell Sirius what was happening ;] I think that's sort of the big thing that's stopping the reader from seeing an almost complete father-son sort of thing happening.
I'd also like to see Lupin a bit more involved. he and Harry and quite close, and he and Sirius are close, so you would expect to see Lupin a bit more involved in this sort of fic.
Otherwise, I think it's great. Can't wait for an update!Author's Response: thanks, very encouraging. what did you mean by "destroying the ideals" ? hmm about Sirius and Harry. when he died i was so disappointed, because they didn't get a chance to deepen their relationship. (hence my story!) anyway about Lupin. something is coming up in the future which (put simply) will change so many things, and in his Harry and Lupin will also become a little closer. thanks for the detailed review, next chapter is awaiting validation! Report Review
Your ff has a heap of potential - the plot looks really interesting.
I was wondering if I could make a tiny suggestion... you might like to look for a beta to proof-read your work and help you with spelling, grammar and maybe some of your characterisations.
But you seem to be right into your story, so keep writing, 'cause there aren't that many really out-there fics with a decent plot. Report Review
Well... first time I've been the first to review a fic!
I like the emotions that you show in Harry and how Lupin tries desperately to connect with him. You captured the reactions well.
Hmm... trying to find something to give you constructive criticism about lol... Umm... the strength of Harry's outburst towards Lupin when he awoke seemed a bit strong for someone who had been unconscious, and he seems like a character who would tend to be slightly more withdrawn at that point in time after the conversation (for lack of a better word) with Dumbledore.
It looks promising - keep writing!Author's Response: Thanks, I haven't updated because I've been at camp, but I will soon, I promise
Hey, what a great start! It looks really promising as a fic. Update soon!Author's Response: Thank you very much! We're putting up a chapter very soon. Report Review
Looks like a great start - the Black's are characterised well.
Update soon!Author's Response: Thank you, I was hoping that they were not OoC. And yeah, I'm working on it right now! =D Report Review
OK, I said I'd review, so here goes.
I like the use of the flashback, and that particular revelation about Petunia's background.
I think though that maybe you could think about the way your sentences are structured, because some of them don't seem to flow properly.
Do you have a beta? If you do, you might like to ask them for help with that area of your writing. If you don't, I would be happy to help if you like.
You have a good plot base that flows straight through, and you focus on the important reactions of Petunia and Lily and how that affects them not only at the time, but in the case of Petunia, also later in life. That's a great start for your one shot. Report Review
Wow... wow... that piece of writing is just... just... I'm speechless, so I'll come back to this in a few minutes...
*a few minutes later*
Right, okay, I might be able to write something useful now :D The way that you captured Sirius' pain and grief at such a difficult time shows a true understanding and a lot of thought. His actions mimic those you would expect to see from the Sirius JKR shows us in the books.
The way in which all of his memories start flooding back, and he starts almost blaming James and Lily, these actions show how lost he is, how desperate he is to have the Marauders together again.
A brilliant piece of writing... You, as an author, have inspired me to attempt a fan fic myself, and I can only hope that maybe one of my fics will come close to being of the same quality as this.Author's Response: That is the best thing I've heard in a long time. I am SO happy that you're going to start writing fanfic. It's a great way to work on your skills and I can't tell you how flattered I am that my writing helped inspire you. Thank you so much for this great review. Best of luck with your writing, I'll be sure to check it out! Report Review
Wow, that's an absolutely fabolous piece of writing! I'm in awe of your skills, having also read Hazy Eyes, though I reviewed under another name before I registered. Don't ever stop writing.Author's Response: Awww, thank you so much! I don't plan on stopping. ;) Report Review
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