I just realized I never reviewed this. -sheepish-
I remember watching you as you wrote this, the frustration in your voice at times and the doubt. You pulled through and you were strong and this chapter is fantastic. The characterizations were wonderful, if a little OOC at times, but I know that is what you wanted & needed for this. And Neville...Neville is love. I truly believe this could expand into a short story or one-shot collection.
If you expand this story, or the next time you post something which I hope is soon, I wouldn't mind seeing a little more of Hermione's, or the character of the submission, thoughts or feelings. And as some CC, remember to use some more of the senses to help paint a mental image. For the first person POV, I bow to you oh great one. You seem to have a good grasp of it. I could continue for ages on this but I think you know what I'm trying to say.
Great job hon, and I can't wait to see whats next for Hermione and Neville!! Report Review
First of all, let me just say I don't read many next-gens outside of validating. So this will be interesting! :) Also I like to type up the review as I read, so if it sounds odd... -laugh-
I enjoy how you portray her as an eleven year old, and you convey the feelings very well. We've all been in that unsure spot at some point in our life, afraid to let go of what we know to face the future but willing to go at the same time.
Aww they're so cute together!! Why haven't I read more of this ship before now? I know you have one of the genres labelled as fluff, but you keep it at the right level so its just enough. Not too mushy to make the ready just stare at it as though they've just drank pure sugar, but enough to make us smile at their cuteness. Very good!
This is a touching story, academica. I enjoy how you portrayed many important moments in their life. Having the whole chapter centered made it read a little wonky at times but that might just be my preference of things. Thank you for the enjoyable read!Author's Response: That doesn't sound odd at all, considering that I use the same method when composing reviews, at least for the most part :)
It's great to hear that Victoire's eleven-year-old self came across well. I find it's harder for me to write young students as compared to young adults, so I'm always happy to hear that I've done it correctly.
I also don't read or write a lot of next-gen, but I'm trying to open myself up to it more, and this story was a first step. I really like Teddy and Victoire, and I do think they're cute :) It's good to hear that I effectively toed the line between fluff and romance. I definitely wouldn't want it to be nauseatingly mushy.
The centered text works for some people and not for others. I don't usually do it, but I wanted to try it out for this piece. I'm glad it didn't impede your enjoyment too much :)
Thanks for your lovely review! I apologize that the response took so long.
Amanda Report Review
Okay, I'm just going to start out by stating flat out I'm horrid with reviews which is probably why I don't leave them that often. :)
Gurtz, this was very enjoyable to read. I love stories with Luna in it, so I had to click this one after seeing the summary. You described Ron's thoughts and emotions in such a way that we could see and feel them clearly, without feeling as though we were drowning in them. The story was so short and sweet, even with such sad beginnings. I would love to see more between them but alas I shall be content with this one-shot.
Thank you for an enjoyable read! Happy Valentine's Day, or Excuse to Give Gifts to Your Friends Day!!Author's Response: Aww, thanks Selene! I don't think you're horrid at reviews. :P Glad you liked it! Report Review
I don't usually read one-shots Drecklin, but this one caught my eye as I browsed your author page. I'm so very glad that I clicked on this though. The detailing you gave was magnificent. I felt as though I could reach and touch Narcissa's wedding gown you described it in such detail. I wish for nothing more than her to find happiness in her marriage; you gave such a twist to their relationship I don't recall ever seeing before. It makes me wish for more, to see how the two adapt in their marriage. If she ever finds happiness, even if for just a few moments.
Thank you for such a wonderful read Drecklin!Author's Response: I am so glad you liked this little diddy here :) It always makes me so happy to read such a great review. Thanks again, Selene- you're a doll!! Report Review
Oh wow, this is dark. It made me sit back and be afraid of Riddle. You weren't overly descriptive with the violent bits, you gave us as readers just enough detail to send our imagination into overdrive. Wonderful job on that, some writers will go into way to much detail and make a reader squeamish.
You're depiction of Tom was actually inspiring, if that makes any sense. I feel like a light bulb has gone off in my head as I find Tom/Voldemort the hardest character to write. He's just so evil, that I wind up making him seem a pansy since I don't know how to even start pulling him off right. Heck this whole thing is inspiring in a way, not just in a dark sense but in a writing sense.
I'm adding this to my favorites when I submit this review. Thank you for the read!Author's Response: Hey!
First things first, I am so sorry for taking so long with this review reply. I really do appreciate you taking your time to read and review this story; real life has been hectic lately, so it's taken me away from HPFF.
My response to this review is just: wow. Thank you so much for your kind words; it means more than you will know.
I definitely agree with you about the darkness of this piece and that was honestly something I found hard to deal with. I have never attempted something so dark and twisted, so it was really difficult. I am so glad you think I didn't go overboard with the description, though, as being too adjective-friendly is something I've always had a problem with.
As for Tom's character: thank you so much for the compliments on that. I found him so difficult to write, especially as a child. I didn't know whether he was out of character or too evil to be realistic, so your review is very reassuring.
Thank you so much once again!
-- Jordan Report Review
Adding to favorites now!
This was spectacular! I love Tom/Minerva stories and this is my favorite thus far. The fact that you actively incorporated The War while they are at Hogwarts is something I've never seen but have always wondered about.
Thank you so much for a wonderful story, ciara!Author's Response: Thank you! That's amazing to hear. I actually have never read a Tom/Minerva. I have no idea where the plot bunny for this came from, but it arrived and required dealing with immediately.
Thank you so much!!! Report Review
I'm amazed by this, you have amazed me. Folks on the forum sent me this way when I asked for stories of this ship and I'm so glad they did.
I truly enjoyed how you wrote this. That it wasn't a reflection on years gone by, but the years of their prime. We see McGonagall as an older woman so often, that its easy to forget that she too was a student and a young woman once upon a time. But reading this, you can picture her walking along the grounds as a young lady of her times.
Thank you so much for such a wonderful read. This ship needs many more fans to join us.Author's Response: wow really? thank you so much hun. i am really really thrilled you enjoyed this. i don't know what else to say except thank you and i am glad you appreciate what i have done with the characters.
i agree- tomerva all that way!
xx Report Review
This was wonderful. A quick taste into what can be called the forbidden relationship. I would recommend this story to readers that were curious about the pairing, to give them a taste of the possibilities. I really enjoyed reading this, thank you for giving me the link.
In a writing aspect though, 'she' was used quite a lot. I know that writing in first person can be difficult and you did a wonderful job writing this other than the heavy use of that pronoun. Thank you for this read! I can't wait to read your Tom story when its up.Author's Response: Hey!
I'm so glad you enjoyed this. I tried to keep in more of a memory piece, rather than digging deeper into their relationship, just to get a feel for the pairing. When (there is a when, not if - I love the ship now) I write this ship again, I think I will be more comfortable with it and go deeper.
I definitely agree with the 'she' pronoun; I have such a bad habit of that, simply because writing the name gets a little tedious, I find. I will go back and edit that, though. ><
Thanks so much for your compliments! I hope you enjoy the Tom story when it's up.
Have a great week!
-- Jordan Report Review
Oh wow, I'm glad I decided to read this one! I really liked the idea of Snape selecting his house, let alone Ravenclaw. But in a way, it does make sense that if he weren't a Slytherin he'd be a Ravenclaw. One doesn't master potions like he did without being studious and dedicated...or a tad bit mad and obsessive.
I enjoyed this one-shot, especially with how you portrayed Snape. You showed that he didn't become a Spy for the glory of his actions. He knew he'd be hated, but he was a loyal and brave man, dedicated to his cause. A Gryffindor is some ways, I suppose. Thank you for a pleasant read, since I don't usually read one-shots.
Slytherins - Dominating the World - One review at a time!!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I love my housemates! This one was written as a challenge piece and when I thought about it, Ravenclaw was the only other house I could imagine Snape being in. Thanks for the read!
~Celtic~ Report Review
I'm so sorry this has to be so short since this chapter was excellent but I have class in less than 5 minutes. This chapter was wonderful, and I just want to grab Lily and comfort her. I'm so attached to this. You did a wonderful job and I really can not wait to read more. James handled it a bit better than I was expecting, but after thinking, its what any big brother would do. I can't wait to see how Scorpius handles this. Wonderful chapter!Author's Response: Yeah, James is largely the bad guy in this story, but that's partly because I'm writing it from Lily's point of view, and she may be a little biased; he actually has some good points too, and certainly loves his li'l sis.
Please, you have less than nothing to be sorry about - you've just reviewed every chapter of this story with useful insight; that is.. well there aren't adequate words for how awesome that makes you.
Next chapter up any time now, but be warned, Scorpius may not handle it as well as you'd hope...
Thanks again; off to write the epilogue! Report Review
Okay. This was brilliant. He gave her chocolate on Valentine's Day, they kissed, they got busted. Oh wow. I'm trying very hard to not have a fangirl moment. This was wonderful, excellently written. I'm so sad that there is only one other chapter up and waiting, I'm so addicted. Wonderful job.Author's Response: Then you will be pleased to hear that the next chapter is awaiting validation, and the last proper chapter is being beta'd - just the epilogue to write.
Yeah, this is definitely the eventful chapter - I had this written before I'd even started chapter two, so I'm glad it was worth it. Thanks so much! Report Review
Oh I'm definetly still reading. Not getting any work done, but still reading. I'm loving this! He noticed that she put some effort into her appearance, that was so sweet!
Okay, okay, I'm calm. No more gushing. This is going great Capella, and you are so very talented. I am 100% addicted to this story. She doesn't want to let him go...okay next chapter.Author's Response: So, I got no work done when writing this, and now I've stopped you working - this story is officially bad for the economy!
Please, gush away; I'm now looking like the Cheshire cat as a result! Glad you're still enjoying, reading, and taking the time to review! Report Review
Poor Lily! Stuck in a family love triangle, that has to be so awkward for her. Her friends coming to her for advice on her cousins. But that dream at the beginning, wow! She's falling hard for Scorpious, and I think I know what his happy thought was. I'm sorry I sound like such a gushing kid right now, but I'm really enjoying this story. I guess there are a lot of perks of writing in first-person.Author's Response: Yup - I'm currently writing two stories, one in first person, one in third. Got to say, generally I find first person easier, though sometimes it can be really difficult to set up plot twists believably - see chapter nine for example!
Awkward is definitely the word - wouldn't be her for all the magic in the world (well, OK I would, but it would be a tough decision!) And yeah, you probably do know; it won't be revealed in this story, though I am writing a 'companion piece' from Scorpius' point of view.
Thanks for reviewing!
Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
I really enjoyed this chapter, and had a momentary memory lapse wondering why Goyle didn't have any children...*blush*
Really though, this story is getting better by the chapter and I'm loving it. I added it to my favorites finally. And no, I didn't find this chapter dull and obviously I made it to the end. It did seem to lag a bit when she was being taken to the hospital wing, but it was a necessary spot and set up another moment for the two of them.Author's Response: If you think that's bad, imagine how silly I felt when, after posting this, I realised it was Crabbe that died in the Room of Requirement, not Goyle. My clearly lame excuse is that they're Vincent Crabbe's nephews... yeah, my bad. So actually Goyle may well have kids, though really, would you have kids with him?
Yeah, I found the hospital scene hard to write (crustacean pun aside), but as you said, it had to be done. Still, might have a look at it, give it a tweak or two.
Thank you so much for all your encouraging words - you are awesome. Report Review
Well, that explains what he needed help with. Poor Scorpious, you just want to hug the boy. The Potter/Malfoy rivalry lives on even through their children sadly. This is very very good, and I just can't stop reading which is a good thing for you since I review. I keep wondering what will happen when her family finds out about these lessons. Please tell?Author's Response: Well, they're not going to be thrilled, I feel. However, never underestimate Lily's ability to keep a secret, so it may be a while before we find the answer to that. Good to know you want to hug him - he's definitely not the most loved individual in this story.
So happy you're enjoying this, as your reviews are encouraging me to get round to the epilogue at last! Thanks! Report Review
Lily's reaction was very realistic, you don't have to worry about that. I'm still interested in this and am slowly becoming addicted to this paring. You're doing good, I'm not finding any grammar issues that would need pointing out and I'm really interested about what her secret is. What is it?Author's Response: Well, from my review page, it seems that you have now discovered the answer to that! Hope it didn't seem too clichÃ©d when you did find out, but glad to know I've kept you reading thus far.
Thanks for another lovely review! Report Review
One probably shouldn't read the first part of this chapter while multi-tasking or you could possibly choke. I don't really have much to say about this chapter other than I enjoyed it and I'm very curious. You're a very talented writer, thank you for sharing your talents with us.Author's Response: Sorry for any inadvertent attempts on your life. Hope the answers don't let you down, after such a lovely review. Report Review
This was a very good chapter, Capella, and the characterization was wonderful. It brings up excellent points. Albus and Scorpio dislike each other for something that happened in their first year, but he can't remember what and James dislikes him for prejudice reasons and because its like looking in a mirror in a way. You have me hooked and I am enjoying this story.Author's Response: Glad you liked the reasoning, or lack thereof - I find this is so true in real life; 'I haven't spoken to them in a while, so I must have had a good reason!'
Thanks for reading and reviewing; I'm very glad you're hooked! Report Review
Holy crap! Any review I may have had just went out the window with that ending! That was a surprise for sure, but I really liked it. I'm really glad that I came out of my reading comfort zone and picked a type I don't usually read. This is reading really well so far, and I'm enjoying it. I'm off to the next chapter now!Author's Response: Hurrah! It's supposed to come as a surprise, but I think you are the first person to see it that way, so thanks so much for letting me know I succeeded at least once! Glad you're enjoying it, and thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Oh my goodness. This was wonderful, I'm nearly crying because it is so touching to me. For a first story, you did a very good job.
This isn't a story I usually read, since its in a first-person point of view and a one-shot but I am very very glad that I gave it a try. I wish there were more chapters to this, or even a second one-shot to see Neville after he fulfilled his promise to them.
Not having a summary available without clicking on the title might make some people skim over it, but the banner and title worked in dragging me in for a closer look. And having consecutive sentences starting with 'I' can be a bit distracting, but I still found this a touching story. I'm interested to see what you do next with your writing and I'm adding this story to my favorites. Happy writing!Author's Response: Oh wow - this was such a lovely review to read. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.. and super thank you for my first favourite! :D
I think about your advice next time I write. I understand what your talking about. It can get repetitive writing in first person - hopefully one day I'll find a good technique.
My next one-shot is just a light-hearted piece. It's not going to change the world, but it's refreshing to write something fun!
Really, it was so wonderful to get such a positive review. Thank you for taking the time to review - it means a lot!
P.S My computer was acting strange and I was having trouble with the summary after I added my banner. I'll go investigate... thank you for telling me! Report Review
Haha! First review!!
The stronger potion comment makes me think Draco will somehow manage to escape while under the influence...the boy ain't stupid after all.
Amazing how a little potion makes him realize his feelings. Why can't it always be that simple?!?! *huffs off*
Four rooms down and over thirty to go?!?! What I would do for that kinda allowence! Hermione go ahead and plan the nursery! You know you'll marry him and have even more smart, pretty Malfoy children!
Awww, he's worried over her!
Poor Hermione, I feel so bad for her. The closest experience I can compair to is when my grandfather passed away.
I really liked that you added the Will. Not many people would add something like that and I like little touches like that. Great job!!Author's Response: Thanks... I was nervous bout adding it, but it was important in my opinion. I think some people may think it boreing... oh well. I'm glad atleast one person liked it so far lol... *hugs* Report Review
Oh my god, I love you! This story was hilarious!!! Tonks the caffinee addict. Only then can you mouth off to Snape and get away unhexed.
Great job. One little thing I noticed is that the entrance to the Slytherin common room is a stone slab, just so you know. Thanks for a great read and awesome banner!Author's Response: Aw thankyou I love you too ^.^. And thanks for the pointer about the stone slab. Only now we all have to pretend its a tapestry (cue suspicious look around) lmao. Wait ... I DID put tapestry, right... oh no... Report Review
Tonks and Remus' cause sounds really great. I never would have thought of something like that. Hermione is scared of storms? I love how you include little things like that and cleaning. That bathroom sounds like every girls' dream. Naughty Draco! That's a horrible experience for any child! No wonder the girl is afraid. Again, little touches. Yay! The twins! The concern they have for Hermione is much like that for a sister. Oh my god! Draco on a love potion...that's better than a drunk Draco.
Great job as usual! I can't wait to read the next chapter!Author's Response: LOL...yeah, him on the love potion cracked me up while writeing...it was hard to finish that chapter lol... Update in the q! *hugs* Report Review
I forgot all about the elecklicipity!! I don't know how Molly can handle that man sometimes. He's like a child in a candy store.
Poor Harry! Poor Ron! Will they be alright!?!?! Finish chapter, manda!
Ewww! He exploded??!! GROSS!!! But hey, it works. The war is over!! Tommy Boy is gone!! Rufus Scrimgeour, you old coot! Ooh, I do not like that man! Go Arthur, tell him off! Are you not a big fan of the Minister? Arthur should be Minister...
I love those boys...I have a feeling that those three will become good friends in this story. Could you please email me when you update? firstname.lastname@example.orgAuthor's Response: Well I'm not writeing too much Ron and Harry into the fic...but they will pop up now and then...No, I don't like Scrimgeour lol... I was smileing when I wrote Arthurs response to his tirade lol...Thanks for yet another awsome reveiw ;) *hugs* Report Review
I can picture the headlines now if the dark side won. "Battle Won Through Devious Head Colds!"
That bed is huge! And nearly falling asleep to be woken up by having heart attacks. Those two house elves know how to get the jump on a person.
I'm glad that Draco is trying to change, though it will be different seeing him without some of his comments. He must really love her, watching her sleep like that.
*dies laughing* I loved the scenes after they woke up. I can't say how much that amused me.
Is Hermione one of those girls that, when around the guy she likes, starts rambling, interrupting herself, etc?
Don't worry, Draco, you'll get rid of that blasted mark yet!Author's Response: LOL... *apologizes to other reveiwers* You have got to be my favorite reviewer ever! I love your responses...thank you for likeing my fic so much! *hugs* Report Review
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