Reading Reviews From Member: xTimexTurnerx
  
319 Reviews Found

Review #1, by xTimexTurnerxI Specialise in Murders: Sacrifice for What Greater Good.

20th January 2014:
Cool developments! I feel like I got to know Scorpius more in this chapter for some reason, but it was great! I liked it. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Thank you, hopefully you'll get to know both Scorpius and Lucy really well by the end of it, as i'm hoping to give their characters a lot of depth. :)

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Review #2, by xTimexTurnerxThe Things that Haunt Me: Live with My Mistakes

17th January 2014:
Hola!

I really felt like this took the voice of Peter to a new level, I loved it. In the beginning, my only criticism is that a couple paragraphs purely of thought were a little long and could have been broken up/ edited.

I loved the emotional vulnerability we got to see in Peter's character when he hears about Harry casting the curse, I thought that was so unique and yet made perfect sense. Although it is hard for me to think of him as sad over losing his "two friends" when he was directly the cause of one.

Well done!
xx Lizzie

Author's Response: Hello!

Ah thank you! I'm glad that you do! :D

Okay, I'll consider that next time whenever I decide to edit my stories or for my future writing. :)


Hehe thanks! I felt like cowardice played a big role against Peter. I would like to believe that there was some remorse he had to felt because he didn't do the things he did out of being evil... or greedy for power. I believed Voldemort had complete power over Wormtail that he couldn't fight back. Sp yeah. ^_^


Thanks for reading and the thoughtful review! n_n



- Asphodel


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Review #3, by xTimexTurnerxThrough the Half-Moon Spectacles: Preparing for What is to Come

17th January 2014:
Hello again!

I like this story! It reminds me a bit of my challenge with filling in missing moments, but it spans throughout the year instead, which is very cool.

I think it's interesting Dumbledore choses to look like he's sleeping. I think that falls in line with how he was passive in life and let people discover things often rather than just telling them, so I thought that was pretty canon and a smart choice on your part to write him like that.

I would have liked to gotten a bit more of Dumbledore's feelings when he recieved news on Harry or the Order.

Overall, good story!

xxLizzie

Author's Response: Hi there!

Hehe, yeah, I really thought so too. :D

Ah thanks! I felt like he chose to be asleep during important times of his need. Not because he was a tired painting.


I am... sort of... in the next part... I'm not sure if I'll deliver it like how you'd expect... but I'll get into that in upcoming chapter. ;)


Thank you dear!

And thanks for reading and reviewing! :D




- Asphodel


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Review #4, by xTimexTurnerxThen There was Light: Forever Changing Words

17th January 2014:
Howdy! Ms. Lizzie/ xTimexTurnerx here from the forums!

I've gotta admit, I've read Twilight fanfic and I've obviously read Harry Potter fanfic but never a crossover. I think you're brave for writing it and bringing the two worlds together.

There are a couple minor grammar/ spelling errors:
1. We're not in the alley no more. (Should be 'any more')
2. He enclosed mines into his and he began to guide me through a street that he seemed familiar with. (He enclosed my hand? that makes more sense)

I did like that you kept each character canon in their emotions and until the part where Isabella started trying to figure out what Harry was and discounted werewolves and vampires, it was not obvious she was Isabella from Twilight. She could have been a human OC, which I liked.

Side note, poor Bella if she really did get mixed up with vampires, werewolves and wizards... oh my!

Interesting to read, thank you!
xx Lizzie

Author's Response: Hello Lizzie! n_n

Ah shucks! -^_^- I'd never thought to cross these two if it weren't for a video I saw the main character paired up in. It was a pretty cool video, so it was what inspired me to write it in the first place. :)


I know, I plan to rewrite this whenever I have more time to fix those pesky errors. -_-


Hehe, yeah. :P Bella could have been an OC, but there's a reason why I'd address her as "Isabella," and not the name she prefers. You will see whenever I get the chance to post the novel version of this. :D

Hahaha. I know right! She's going to be in for a long ride! XP



No, thank you for reading and reviewing!




- Asphodel


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Review #5, by xTimexTurnerxI Specialise in Murders: Things We Lost in the Fire

17th January 2014:
Hello again!

Ah cliffhanger! Update! I want to keep reading! I think this story is well written, I love the pace and I think your characterizations are working wonderfully.

I especially loved when Lucy was like: This would not do. This would not do at all. --> So casual whilst her shop is being burned to the ground. I totally picture that to be her response.

I'm excited to see the next installment! Thank you again for being in the challenge :)

xxLIzzie

Author's Response: Thank you, I love Lucy's character, though I actually find her surprisingly hard to write at times. Scorpius and Albus however come to me easily, I love them to peices.

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Review #6, by xTimexTurnerxI Specialise in Murders: Dead Men and Snapping Teacups

17th January 2014:
Yay for the plot thickening!

Two chapters; two murders. I dig it. I enjoy Scorpius and Albus' relationship and am interested to know about how Scorpius and Rose interact. My only confusion is in the first chapter he had one line when he first saw Lucy about how there were two many Potters (I don't remember the exact wording), but his two best friends are in that clan. So that was a little strange for me.

I like the possibility that Lucy is this awesome black market trader with her sweet flying carpets. That may not be true, but I like to think it. Is that the reason Albus was so weird about the shop or not? Can't wait to find out.

All in all, great descriptions, interesting plot and I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

xxLizzie

Author's Response: Scorpius' two best friends are Potter-Granger-Weasley's, but I think in some ways he sees them as not really Weasley's as such. He has after all grown up as a Malfoy, his family having a certain disdain for Weasley's. I think thats one of the internal battles that Scorpius has.
You will find out more about the dodginess of Lucys shop. :D


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Review #7, by xTimexTurnerxI Specialise in Murders: And the stage had been set.

17th January 2014:
Howdy!

I love the set up of this story! I like the flashes between Scorpius and Lucy, it shows their difference in character.

I'm interested in why Scorpius became and Auror. As of now, he seems good at his job, but relatively bored or run down, hoping for "a quiet weekend." So I'm curious about his motives for his career choice.

I think my favorite bit in the whole chapter was this bit: "Knockton Alley was black. Diagon Alley was white. And Lucy Weasley was most definitely grey." I thought that was great. I love the idea of Lucy representing these different worlds from the location of her shop and even the name.

I can't wait to see how these two are tied together by this case! I love a good mystery.

xx Lizzie

Author's Response: Thank you so much. :) I'm so excited about developing these two characters and the sub-characters in it.

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Review #8, by xTimexTurnerxThe Broom: The Broom

16th January 2014:
Hello! Ms. Lizzie from the Missing Moments Challenge! Sorry for the delay! I was waiting for all the entries to be completed before I set to review!

I'm impressed by what you did with the prompt! I think you captured Sirius' angst well. My favorite part was: "Sirius labelled Ron as Harryís James, Hermione his Remus. At least they filled holes, mortared gaps, built bridges in Harryís soul. Ron was Jamesí smiles, Hermione Remusí sense. For that at least Sirius was grateful. He couldnít have imagined himself without James and Remus, nor Harry without something akin to them." I love the comparisons he makes between his generation and Harry's. It reminds me of when Mrs. Weasley yells at him saying "He's not James!" The lines get blurred for Sirius.

I also liked that you supplied an explanation for how he would be allowed to order and pay for the broom, because not knowing always irked me.

All in all, well done! I wil have the winners posted very soon! Be on the lookout.

xx LIzzie

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. I specialise in angsty one-shots, lol. Which is funny, because I don't generally read angsty oneshots, but I feel their a great way to explore a character, and a fun way to explore themes.

I'm glad you liked the explanation, I wasn't sure if I had emphasied it enough for the challenge prompt, originally I was going to focus on that more, but than I ended up just exploring Sirius' comparison of himself with Harry and it didn't really fit in as well anymore.


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Review #9, by xTimexTurnerxDoorsteps: Wide Green Eyes

16th January 2014:
Hello! Ms. Lizzie from the Missing Moments Challenge! Sorry for the delay! I was waiting for all the entries to be completed before I set to review!

I really enjoyed what you did with this scene, the Dursleys were so fantastically canon and well written, good job. My favorite line was: "Did you know about Number Seven?' Petunia asked as she scraped some butter over Vernonís toast. 'I heard from Arabella that theyíre thinking about divorce!" I love that they refer to their neighbors by the house number, not by their names.

Also, I thought the last bit with Petunia acknowledging Harry was a perfect way to end it. I would have liked to know maybe just a little more about her thought, if she knew Lily was dead, but all in all well done!

I'll post the Challenge results very soon!

xx Lizzie

Author's Response: Hello there!

I'm so happy that you think I wrote the Dursleys well! Even though they're not really main characters, I found it quite intimidating to try and write thenm, and I'm so glad you think their characterisation was good. :) Yeah, I think that someone who gossips as much as Petunia was purported to wouldn't really have much repect for others, hence her referring to them by their house numbers and not their names. I'm glad you liked that little touch!

Ooh yay, I'm glad you liked it! I wrote it in a couple of minutes and really wasn't sure whether to put it in or not, and in the end I did because I'd already written it so I may as well. ;)

Thank you so much for this lovely challenge, I really enjoyed writing this for it! :D

And thanks for this lovely review as well, I really loved it. :)


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Review #10, by xTimexTurnerxHonour Among Thieves: the end (part two)

3rd January 2014:
Ah so much action! So good! Thank you for updating! How many ending parts are there?!?! I'm in crazy suspense!

Author's Response: Ahaha, there is only three and the third part is now up! Thanks for the review!

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Review #11, by xTimexTurnerxAlbus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince: On the Hogwarts Express

31st December 2013:
Howdy!

Ms. Lizzie from the forums here!

So you said in your areas of concern that you might abandon the story, but nothing I say can sway you either way on that! Only you can know if it's worth your time-- are you developing your writing skills? Do you still have fun writing it? Do you feel like there's more story left to tell? These are things you should use to decide whether or not to continue the story.

After that mini-lecture (sorry 'bout that) onto my review!

I like this as an introductory chapter! I felt like I really got to know Albus and Scorpius, and it gave me a good ground work for their friendship.

A big piece of their world are the politics from the war still affecting them, so I thought the line in the beginning, "Voldemort had been dead for nearly twenty years, Death Eaters were rotting in Azkaban, the wizard prison and the peace that was reigning over the wizarding world didnít look as if it would be shattering anytime soon." to be a little out of place. It makes their world seem completely peaceful, but we see that James and Rose are prejudice against Scorpius, as is Goyle.

Speaking of James, I was surprised at how anti-Slytherin he is, because I feel like Harry would have raised him differently. But we do see him teasing his brother on the platform in the epilogue, so I can see it.

I feel like if you were to edit the chapter, I would look at the dialogue and see what was necessary for plot, character development and what was kind of just "there." I feel like some could be caught.

I would continue reading, so if that helps you out, good!

Please feel free to re-request another chapter!

xx Lizzie

Author's Response: Hello!

Sorry that it took so long for me to get back to you, real life has been a major pain. Anyway, I haven't decided if I'll abandon this story or not but thanks for your advice and words of wisdom, I didn't mind the mini-rant.

Well, when I first wrote this I hadn't had much of a clue on what I would do later for this story so that line might not fit for that reason. But also, its meant to be a bit of a lie, considering that there's still prejudice that the kids see and experience. Or even tag along in. Hence, why Rose wasn't interested in talking to Scorpius or being anywhere near him. The War was over but there were still a lot of nasty things under the surface.

James has cousins and other influences and I don't think he would completely ignore what his father taught him but I also think that he would try to follow his relatives. And also, he is his own little man, his thoughts are probably not the same as Harry's so that was something I'd wanted to make clear. I didn't want them to be miniatures of their parents, which is SO boring. Hahah.

This is just the first chapter and I honestly had no idea what I was doing with it so if you'd wanted to read on, that would be great. Or not? Hahahah.

Thanks for the review,

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #12, by xTimexTurnerxToo Old: Too Old

31st December 2013:
Howdy there!

Sorry for my delay in reviewing, it's Ms. Lizzie for the forums.

I really like how you chose to explore young Tonks versus the one that we meet in the books. I think my favorite piece of characterization was this paragraph: "Her mother was the princess- she was beautiful, and she did all the sorts of things princesses did. She cooked, read books, mended clothes and cleaned. Nymphadora climbed trees, played with the boys in the street, rolled in the grass and refused to clean her bedroom. That was before. But now that she was growing up- practically an adult, she understood what the most important thing really was. Jokes." I loved the contrast between Tonks and her mother. Tonks seems very aware of herself and set in herself at a young age, which I would expect from someone who was such a successful Auror.

Her father was very pleasant to read, but I wish I got a little more of his backstory, although I understand the focus was supposed to be on Tonks.

I loved the ending and her mother mourning the loss of her two sisters. This told me a lot about the mother's character without having to rely on descriptions (showing rather than telling) which I think is a real art, so well done!

Thank you for requesting, and I loved reading!

xx Lizzie

Author's Response: Hi! It's perfectly fine- sorry for taking so long to respond! I've been pretty lazy recently.

Due to her being an auror later, I couldn't imagine her being incredibly girly or anything. I wanted her to be a bit more like Ted, rather than Andromeda though still be able to have that love and respect for her mother.

I adore writing Ted, and reading about Ted, especially his backstory. I'm thinking of doing some more Ted/Andromeda stories so that I can get a chance to explore that.

I love writing about Andromeda so I just couldn't resist putting that in. I'm glad you liked it!

Thank you so much for the amazing review!

x Ely


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Review #13, by xTimexTurnerxCrossing the Borderline: Albus: The Decision

24th December 2013:
Howdy!

Thank you for re-requesting! I am enjoying your story.

I love to see the story from different POVs. As for Albus, I find him a bit less of a reliable narrator than Aaliyah. He seems to be caught up more in himself and how everyone's actions affect himself, rather than I found Aaliyah was interested in observing to learn more about people.

There was one piece of description that confused me: "She isnít brooding nor does she disappear. She lets herself be out in the open, yet she feels untouchable like even if you feel her skin, she isnít really there. You can see her. You can smell her. You can touch her. But you canít get the taste of her." It was weird because you say she's untouchable, but then you can touch her? I like that you are incorporating the five senses but this confused me.

I really like Scorpius's character. He's a believable teenage boy. And I'm excited to see how he finally confronts his Rose problem.

I also feel like Albus does actually like Aaliyah, although I don't think it's mutual. I also want the back story between Aaliyah and Fred! Can't wait for that.

One last thing, I'm not sure if the 'two days later' or the 'next night' headlines are necessary. I feel like you could convey that information in the story and using it as a title might be a bit of a crutch. Unless you were using that to show the difference in narration between Al and Aaliyah, then I can see it.

Overall, liking the plot progression!!

xx Lizzie

Author's Response: Hi!

I didn't originally plan on it being told from different point of views but I thought seeing how Aaliyah acts from an outsider at times is necessary so that is how it became split between Aaliyah and Al.

I made Al a little less reliable since teenage boys in real life aren't as caught up with details as girls. When I was writing this chapter, I got stuck and then got opinions on how guys think so I sort of based it on that. Albus does have an observant, calculating quality though which will come in handy later on. And he will become less arrogant haha. :)

Scorpius is my favorite. I did want him to come off as likable so I am glad you liked him. He reminds me of James in a way. And Rose... well, that is going to take some time to deal with but he will... eventually. ;)

I've got some feedback from others saying they thought Albus likes Aaliyah too. He actually doesn't like her in that way. He is just curious and finds her a mystery. And he doesn't like leaving mysteries unsolved. Also her connection to Fred sparks an interest in him. So.. she is a fascination. Granted, not a healthy one but not a crush... yet. ;)

I took your advice and got rid of the headings. Instead, I put that info into the story. I also edited the confusing 'untouchable' part so it is more understandable. And what he means when he says, " like even if you feel her skin, she isn't really there" is that she was there in person but her mind seemed to be somewhere else, if that makes any sense.

Thanks for the review! I had a great time reading it and you gave lovely advice.

~Sama :D


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Review #14, by xTimexTurnerxFluorescent Adolescent : communism in mermish

22nd December 2013:
Here I am, back for chapter two!

I like all the interactions between people, but I feel like I'm going on a bit of a character overload. We've so far been introduced to: Effy, James, Albus, Oscar, Aspen, Danny, Mikey, Josh & Lucy Wood, Lara, Scorpius, Liam, Diala, Ophelia, Tommy, Benjamin, Callie, JJ, Jasmine, Pheobe Anderson, Professor Campbell, Professor Binns, Professor Longbottom, Theo, and Rose. Granted, some of these are minor characters but that's a lot for a reader to know! I'm getting a bit confused because I'm trying to keep everyone straight! I don't want the volume of characters to impact your ability to characterize them.

I'm liking the way information travels, always second hand or he heard or she heard, it's interesting because I feel like the matter of truth or validity will come up.

I felt like Effy's interest in a boyfriend came up very quickly, but I mean she's a teenage girl so, hormonal mood swings are to be expected.

I find the relationship between Effy and Mikey interesting, and he seems like a typical bloke but I wonder if he has any feelings for her or will again??

Off to a great start! Thank you for requesting reviews and I hope you re-request when the next chapter is up!!!

xxLizzie

Author's Response: hi! thanks for your second review!
i wanted to write a book which reflects teenage life and to be frank, there are a lot of people in the average teenager's normal day. some characters- such as dahlia moss and mikey lancaster- will be developed, but others are just there for a scene or two as just faces and names. i hope it's not too confusing; maybe i'll go over it and aze some of them.
like you said, effy is a teenage girl and she's spent the past year in the shadow of her best friend's relationship being a major gossip source for the student body. i think she's been feeling this for a while but only now has she been able to vocalise it.
mikey is one of my favourite characters! i suppose you'll just have to see what happens between the two.
thanks again! bea xx


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Review #15, by xTimexTurnerxFluorescent Adolescent : crushed moon extract

22nd December 2013:
Hello!

Ms. Lizzie from the forums here! I quite enjoyed this chapter! I'm excited to know the narrator's name is Elizabeth, because we have that in common hahah. But down to the story!

I'm really interested in the narrator's relationship with Quidditch, these lines in particular: "But then Hogwarts looks more like a doll house and I freak out a little. The higher I get the closer I am to falling off my broomstick and this both fascinates and terrorises me." made me intrigued. It shows how she's bold and courageous as well as a cautious, a bit more like a Ravenclaw.

I love your friend characters you've described. Aspen, I'm glad that her flaws are recognized as well as her strengths. I hate when people merely mention the good parts of their characters.

Oscar is fun too. You've made the choice to make him very stereotypically gay, which I would just watch the line with. I feel like yes, his witty remarks add comic relief, but you don't want to be offensive or have his character be so predictable the reader starts to kind of discount him. Ha, as I wrote this I just read your ending A/N. I know you're aware of it, and so far I think you're doing a good job! Just something to be on the watch for as the story develops.

James is a nasty piece of work, eh? I can't wait to see more about him.

Overall, very good intro chapter, good pace and flow! I'm excited to see what happens next!

xxLizzie

Author's Response: hi! thank you for reviewing!
so i wanted the main character to have a very "british" name to accompany james' name, and it was between elizabeth and charlotte. but i decided i liked effy more than lottie, so yay hahaha :') go elizabeth!
i think effy isn't bold and courageous as she is naturally curious; she is fascinated by her ability to fly and this will be explored later on in the story. she's also very intrigued by the unknown, and this is what, quintessentially, (i believe) to be a main trait of ravenclaw house.
aspen is a babe, i originally wrote it to be dominique weasley but i felt that was too cliche of a james/oc story. whilst yes, oscar is a bit of a comic relief and very stereotypically gay, i ran this piece by my mate ethan- who's also gay- and he thought it was fine. but thank you for the warning hahaha, and i do expect his character to develop so much more later on in the story.
james is cocky and arrogant and rude, but he- like every other human- has redeeming qualities which will also be reflected later on in the story- namely chapter 3, which i'm writing now. i'm trying to write him to reflect a lot of effy's bad qualities, which i know isn't explored a lot in this chapter but will be soon! they're both impatient, sharp and quick witted and have a mutual dislike for liers and anything fake in any way.
thank you again! xx


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Review #16, by xTimexTurnerxCrossing the Borderline: Aaliyah: The Meeting

22nd December 2013:
Howdy!
Ms. Lizzie from the forums here!

First off, I'm very intrigued! I like that the narrator sometimes breaks the fourth wall like when she says, "That story Iím saving for later though." It's interesting because that means I know she's telling the story retro-spectively so I know these moments have impacted her future. It makes me more excited to see what's happening next.

I know we're only getting bits of story at a time, but the only thing I'm having a hard time grasping is why they are so afraid of a reporter. Like this whole paragraph: "You owe your sister. James and Gabby faked being a couple for half a year to keep Ronan from digging into peopleís lives. The Weasleys, Potters, Scamanders, Woods, and all the other groups were protected. They were given more of a chance to live without reserve. That wasnít the main reason though. It was to shield you and donít act like you donít know it because you do." Why do they care so much what she reports? What information does she have access to? What have each of these groups done, and our narrator have done, that they need to be covered up?

Also, did James/Gabby develop real feelings during their fake romance? I think yes.

I like that the narrator is an observer and pays such close attention to body language and reading people, a trait that I would kind of expect from a Ravenclaw.

Overall, very well done! I'm glad you requested a review and please re-request for other chapters!!

xx Lizzie

Author's Response: I honestly am not sure how to respond to this review but I'll give a go at it.

Reading this actually made my day. I literally couldn't stop smiling. :) And all I could think about while reading this was, "Does this person actually think that?" and "How is she so NICE?" and "OMG I don't deserve this much kindness!"

I never heard anyone call that a "fourth wall" but I like how you put it. I guess I didn't want to reveal too much... well not yet anyways haha.

Charlotte... is different from everyone. She looks at things differently, and she is actually very cunning and manipulative and oh-so clever about how to go at things. Wow... I just noticed how much she sounds like a Slytherin, haha. And the groups have done a few things, really not good things which I will tell later on.

James/Gabby is a good ship. Yeah, a good ship. I would ship them if I was a reader. Maybe they could be 'Jabby' or 'Games' or something like that. But did their fake romance turn out into something more? Hmm... maybe, maybe not. ;)

Overall, thank you so, so, so much. This review is a 100/10! :D And I will probably end up reading this one over and over again.

Thanks again.
~Sama


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Review #17, by xTimexTurnerxSticks and Stones: This Means War...or Friendship

19th December 2013:
Hello again!
I'm glad to be reading your newest development!
I'm glad to get a bit more of an insight into Pippa. She's good at her job, a bit ruthless, a bit two faced (having that speech prepared), loves being in control, but also capable of friendship.
About their friendship, I'm not sure how deep I believe it is. It makes James seem very flighty going in so angry and coming out with a new friend, but perhaps that is his character. I can see how Pippa feels comfortable with him (ďPippa didnít know why she had asked him to, ĎBeaí was a name reserved for family.") I get those hints but I have no idea why James feels comfortable or his vibe he gets from her. But then I get the feeling their friendship is uneven by James calling her a friend and Pippa only asking he doesn't hate her. I'm rambling. Basically I can see half of it, but James' side is harder to get.
Also, just one other random tidbit, in the beginning section with the toast you end it with: "That issue had invaded Jamesí mind for quite a while." And I dunno, it just sounded weird. Is toast really THAT pressing of an issue? Maybe it is, but it just caught my eye that it sounded a little awkward.
Overall, loved the plot development and am excited to see how this new relationship between Pippa and James carries out!
Request when the next chapter is up please!!!
-Lizzie

Author's Response: Yeah- Pippa is really two faced, you'll see that soon enough. But, she can justify her actions and well, she is nice enough. She's cold, but certainly not mean :)

James, well, it's hard to get across his thoughts when I'm not writing in his POV, so, I understand why u might think that. Well, that is the truth, James is reckless, carefree, out going and definitely flighty :) He's a softie at heart- thats why he forgave her when she said sorry.

Yeah, James is that easy loving, easily loved kind of guy. He's like a big teddy bear :D o, he falls for people easily, but has a right temper! I'll focus more from his perspective on the next chapter! As u can see, writing 3rd person is a bit of a challenge for me...

Haha, yeah, might need to go edit that out :) Change the wording :)

Haha, their is going to be a very complicated relationship :) I can assure u that- clue: Felicity (mentioned in the last paragraph) gets in that way :)

I definitely will :)

-ReeBee :)


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Review #18, by xTimexTurnerxSticks and Stones: I Don't and Other Wedding Nightmares

17th December 2013:
Hello!
Ms. Lizzie from the forums here, thanks for requesting a review!
I'm intrigued by your opening chapter, it grabbed my attention so well done!
I am curious as to why Pippa was about to say "I do" when she clearly describes Peter as boring, monotonous etc. Also given the fact that she says Peter is cheating on her again... I'm sure I'll find out, but just one of the many questions I'm excited to have answered.
Aside from the fact that I don't believe Pippa wanted to marry Peter in the first place, I think you make the plot and reactions very believable. At first I thought Pippa was a bit too quick to believe James and Mason, but as she's been cheated on before, I think she would trust strangers with information more than her disloyal ex, so that was good. I also liked her anger.
Peter behaves just as I would expect a coward to. Loser.
All in all, well done! I'm excited to see where this goes, please re- request when the next chapter is up!

Author's Response: No problem! Thanks for the wonderful review! :)

Haha, yeah, Pippa's a bit twisted, but she has a motive in mind, as you'll probably see soon (as I'm planning to rerequest eventually). But, yes, she is a bit iffy about the marriage. Thank u, she's a calm person and quite cold and even a bit cruel. A very fun character to write!

Haha, Peter he annoys even me! Especially since I know their backstory and stuff... -_-

Thank u so much! I'll be sure to. Hopefully it should be done before the queue closure :)

-ReeBee :)


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Review #19, by xTimexTurnerxA Melancholy Melody: Cold Shoulder

14th December 2013:
Hello there!
Ms. Lizzie from the forums here!
First, just a quick couple typos I caught:
1. "But no, she didn't want." I think you meant: But no, she didn't want to.
2. "What's this?" Cleo asked when Ethan gave her a small red box as her sixteenth birthday present." Cleo? Not sure if you changed your OC's name while writing, but I think you meant to say Allie.
3. "Oh mann, she was so nosy and annoying." versus "Oh man."

On to the more abstract!
I'm interested in your main character and how she came to befriending Albus and Scorpius, I know you go into depth about her recent James friendship, but I'm interested to see that back story!
I like her personality and that you didn't start with physical descriptions but rather traits, I always enjoy that. That being said, I feel like I got a LOT of her backstory right away. I feel like the Ethan thing could be revealed a bit more over time to lead to a gradual understanding of Allie rather than all at once.
But I really am enjoying this, and excited to see where you go with it!
xx Lizzie

Author's Response: oh my gosh yes, sorry for the typo! I kinda slipped Allie up with my other OC character :p This is actually kinda embarrassing lol -_-

Anyway, thank you for your review! I really appreciate it. And yes, Ethan will be mentioned again in later chapter :)


-Anissa


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Review #20, by xTimexTurnerxHonour Among Thieves: the end (part one)

13th December 2013:
AHHH I'm dying! (not actually) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE update soon! I've skipped studying for a final because I've been reading this all night. That's how good it is.

Author's Response: PLEASE STUDY FOR YOUR FINAL! I appreciate it though, it means a lot that you like it this much! Thank you, and I will update soon :)
I PROMISE


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Review #21, by xTimexTurnerxBlatching: Prologue

11th December 2013:
Hola! Ms. Lizzie from the forums here!

I do love me some Next Gen :)

I like the parallels you've already drawn between Scorpius and Charlie with their equally weird but invested friends. I feel myself wanting to know more about Olivia. I'm curious to see the dynamic between Olivia and Scorpius. I get that she's a blonde and appears to be more social than Charlie and not interested in Quidditch, but I feel like a bit more description about who she is/ why she's in Slytherin/ what are her interests would be helpful!

Speaking of Slytherins, I like that we find out Albus is in Slytherin in this sentence: "Charlie jumped slightly when the seventh year Slytherin girls dormitory door slammed open and Olivia Davies jumped on the bed with Charlie, scattering all her papers around." A great example of showing something about him, as we're transitioning out of Charlie thinking about him, rather than being obvious about it. Well done.

There are a couple times the formatting is a bit off:
"I can't tell you until we win the game tomorrow!" Scorp said in a sing-song voice before prancing
out of the dorm, slamming the door behind him."
The line cuts in the middle which was temporarily confusing but I've been having difficulty with that too. The formatting on here is like the staircases in Hogwarts, it likes to move occasionally. But just so you're aware!

And lastly I would look for some times when you can cut down multiple words for one more descriptive one. Ex. "When they got to..." versus "When they arrived..." And those pesky filler words/ repetitive phrases: "She really needed to find a way to balance the two equally because this was a very important practice and tomorrow was a very important game." (Very important being used twice).

I like that you ended on a high note, because I feel like something is bound to go amiss soon ;) Maybe that's just the mischief maker in me. Good start! Let me know in my thread if you want me to take looks at other chapters as you keep posting!!!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! This was an amazing review! I'll definitely track down those errors and fix them when I get a chance, so thanks so much for pointing those out.

I'm still figuring Olivia out. I think she's going to be a tough character for me, because I don't think I know anyone like her, so she's gonna be a challenge. I hope I can get her down soon though, as she's a fairly important character. Oh, and why she's in Slytherin will become apparent soon enough. :)

Thanks again for reviewing. :D


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Review #22, by xTimexTurnerx30 Days of You and Me: Home

9th December 2013:
Thank you so much for updating! I love this Rose/Scorpius so much and this chapter was no exception. Although I morally disagree with Rose reading Scorp's diary, I wish he was writing about me like that. Well done, haha. Also I would just like to note that your writing of Ron with Rose is my favorite father/daughter relationship I've read thus far in a fanfic. It's canon enough to be like Ron, but more mature and caring than he was in the books, which I would expect Hermione to bring out in him. Update again soon please!

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Review #23, by xTimexTurnerxDisclosure: Bonding with the Pages

8th December 2013:
Hey there!

Lizzie from the challenge here!

I loved reading your characterization of young Ginny. One of my favorite lines that I feel really sum up a love-struck, insecure eleven year old girl was: "Perhaps Harry and Ron were having a good laugh at her fascination with The-Boy-Who-Lived. "

It's so interesting to think of that statement in comparison with her bold actions (like hijacking Harry and snogging him on his seventeenth birthday) later on in the series. I feel like her growth as a character is enormous.

I would love to have seen a bit more of her feelings or conversation with Riddle, but I also love the cliff hanger. Well done and thank you for participating!

Author's Response: Hehe you're right, because - pretty much - Ginny is a bold person. Like standing up for Harry against Malfoy - which is one. :P

I had to really sink to the level of a little girl, since I haven't been one for a long time. Women has insecurities in general, but I hope that I had added enough innocence to it as well. :)


I know, I could have gone that far, but I was feeling uninspired when I was writing it. And I knew that I had to enter this challenge before my internet went off and when the queue's close... no telling when I was getting my internet back. So I tried to turn it while I could. ^_^


Thanks for reading & reviewing, and I still had fun writing it though. :D


- Asphodel


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Review #24, by xTimexTurnerxConfronting Temptation: Dresses and Invitations

6th December 2013:
Howdy! I love your stories and I saw your A/N at the end of this chapter. Nothing was wrong with the last chapter! It was cute, I'm so happy they're finally getting to be together. I feel like after the chapter before it does seem a little anticlimactic and these two chapters seem almost like a sequel. The "Stay" chapter read like the natural ending to the story. So maybe people took it that way? Are less tuning in? I love me some fluff and their relationship is so strong that I still love reading what you post. Those are just my thoughts!

Author's Response: I personally felt that they would have an awkward moment at the beginning of the last chapter where they would be like what now. There really was no good way to bounce back from chapter 19 unless I said something Crazy like Rose was pregnant.
I hate it when Stories just end with them getting together and then getting married, I want to explore their relationship some more, but I see how people thought that could have been the ending. However it was not. No, less people are not tuning in, its the same as before, that was why I was sort of thrown off a little by the reviews. I'm not complaining I'm grateful to receive even one review but considering the other chapters number in reviews there was a dramatic difference so my first thought was that their was something wrong somewhere within the story because it was very different.
Anyways i'm feeling better now about it. So glad to know that you love my stories and that you are enjoying this chapter. Fluff is always good but not to much, I still have a couple of twist planned. Thanks for reading and reviewing.


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Review #25, by xTimexTurnerx30 Days of You and Me: Paint

27th November 2013:
I am so enjoying this story! I think the characters are really believable and I have a smile on my face the entire time I'm reading! Thank you for sharing this story I can't wait to keep reading!

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