I love this story, the intrigue - the absolute Britishness of it, reads like a magical John le Carre novel (seriously, if trash like 50 Shades of Grey can get published, why are you not just changing some names and facts and getting this sorted? NOW - magic and spies? Winning combination!)
You have a very easy style of writing, the descriptions are lovely, but never purple and everything has a nice flow to it. You make it easy to visualise your characters, and to follow what they're doing without getting too bogged down in the details.Author's Response: So I'm actually American, but I tried really hard to make things sound as British as possible, so its great to hear that it seems to be working!
I think we all want to bang our heads on a desk about the success enjoyed by the likes of Stephanie Meyer haha.
Thank you so much for these great reviews! Report Review
I truly, truly hope you are utilising your massive talent to write original fiction as well - it's very rare to come across something so unique in fanfiction, especially in HP fanfic - which has just about smacked together every possible idea on the planet and seen it published. You have a true gift for prose, pacing and characterisation. Your ideas are fresh and fun, and well researched!
I love these kinds of stories, I love the idea of reimagining Muggle historical events with a magical spin. The idea of Tom Riddle in the midst of the Cold War is a very interesting one, if we are to believe that each Muggle war had its own magical mirror happening at around the same time - that they influenced each other. I find this a really fantastic idea, as it would be the first chance for Tom to really get involved in a wide scale conflict.Author's Response: Hey thanks for reviewing!
So I actually haven't written any OF, but I have to give your reviews credit for making me start thinking about it.
The tidbit in the books that really inspired me was when Fudge meets the Prime Minister, it really opened up a whole new window of looking into how the worlds and events were intertwined.
All we really know about Tom Riddle from canon in this era is that he was presumably somewhere in Eastern Europe, so I'm just taking that and running with it.
Thanks a lot for reviewing! Report Review
You really got down Nick's pompous persona! A very interesting perspective on the whole thing - he'd have been there from start to finish, seen how it evolved from political conflict to all out war.
The humour was a nice touch, I think John Cleese's portrayal (albeit brief) certainly added to my image of him being a very droll sort. And I loved the idea of this being a 'teaser' for his new book - and the line about the kindle was rather genius.
Also, I noticed a tiny spelling error: 'it may be de-classifid'Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the review!
I imagined Nick being pretty pompous and self-righteous, but in an amusing and humorous way. I also don't think he would be too happy about the way he was left out of the films. Thanks again! Report Review
This is a really beautiful and heartwrenching piece, I think Lily is so often looked over - because she is this larger than life presence, the mother who died for her child. The quiet desperation in this fic resonates, it bleeds and you ache for Lily. I love her relationship with James too, it's not overbearing or overwritten - subtle and strong, without having to say much about it. They lean on each other, and pull each other up when they need it. It's truly lovely!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it. I wanted to make her seem more human, because you're right, she's often seen as larger-than-life. Thank you very much for such a lovely review, it really is appreciated! ♥ Report Review
Only three chapters to go? But...but...no! Oh well, I hope you provide a couple of spin off one shots in this universe maybe.
Excellent subplot with Peter, I can imagine his desperation getting to the point where he would take stupid risks, and Neville would go along and follow the breadcrumbs. Because he's Neville...and Harry was dumb at that age too.
I love the scene with Lily and James, it warms me to see them so happy and normal in their relationship. I wonder if Snape still holds a torch for her here though, that would be interesting. Because without Lily dying, he may never have had that wake up call that what he was doing was wrong.Author's Response: Oh, I definitely want to continue writing this story past their first year, but ... I don't have very many ideas :( Thanks for the review! I haven't given a ton of thought to any lingering feelings Snape might have for Lily, but I think there's something there... Report Review
YES! Go Sirius, James and Lily! (And Remus too). I can just see Harry's face falling once he's realised he's let his parents down - especially James and Sirius who he idolises and probably hasn't had a harsh word from in his life.
Oh, and I meant to say last chapter - I do enjoy that Harry told a fib about how it was HIM who snatched the map from Filch's office. Just a nice little detail that expands on his character.
I think you did really well with the Peter subplot - I like his role in the story, and how Harry and Hermione are the ones to spot him. I like the way that you weave the plot in, you have a very easy writing style to follow and it focuses more on characterisation than prose which I really appreciate.
Oh, and GO HERMIONE! Everyone should beat up on Harry. It's obviously fun.Author's Response: Glad you liked the Howler scene because it wasn't originally in this story, but I think it was necessary :) Glad you caught Harry's little lie in the last chapter, it was very subtle, so yay for you for picking up on it!! Thank you very much for the compliments! I love them! Yes, Harry really deserved getting his butt kicked by a girl, and who better than Hermione?? Thanks for the review!! Report Review
In response to your other reviews, I've been keeping an eye on this story for a while now. It's been a joy to read and validate whenever I get my hands on a chapter, so thank you for that.
I do like how you're managing the Malfoys and Harry - a lot of people either have them at each others throats, or best best friends forever. Yours is a kind of middle ground which I think is more honest - they're no longer school children, and Malfoy certainly no longer has the upper hand and I can imagine he'd struggle with that. He's still a berk though, glad to see that hasn't changed - Malfoy was never a hero, he was just out for himself and his family. Harry's reactions to him are mark perfect, he's condescending and disrespectful, but ultimately he's the better man and is showing him such.
I do like that Malfoy knew better than to get mixed up in the Anti-Muggle/Muggleborn backlash. He's a survivor and I think he knows a dumb bet when he sees one. I like that Astoria has allowed him to come around and see things from a better perspective too, and that she's not just some bland harpy as other fics often portray her as. She's complicated and difficult - she has redeeming qualities, but still is a pureblood elitist when it comes down to it, even though her own grandchildren have Muggle blood in them. It's a good conflict! I imagine that blood elitism is like racism - very difficult to overcome, even when the evidence stacks up against you. It's an ingrained thing.
Anyway, great chapter.Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Again, I'm glad to see that the story is resonating with you. I tried to take a very balanced approach to the Malfoys because they come off one-dimensional otherwise. Draco isn't doing anything out of the goodness of his heart. He has his motivations and to the extent they happen to align with Harry's that still doesn't mean they're gonna have some huge "I love you, man!" moment.
Astoria is a fun character to write because there is no canon on her, aside from the brief mention in the Epilogue of DH. I thoroughly enjoy taking the portrayals I've read in other fan fics and turning them inside out. It's a hoot.
There's one thing that I'm surprised nobody has picked up on yet. Let's see how many people pay attention to what's written on the reviews page. Does anyone know where the line "my wife cured me of that wickedness" originally comes from?
FINALLY! A Draco Malfoy portrayal that's true to the books, doesn't make him overly evil or overly sympathetic and has him in a healthy relationship with Astoria! Words cannot express how grateful I am for this chapter! He's a complicated character who I have never believed was entirely good or bad, just self serving and very loyal to his family and as that family now includes Rose Weasley, I can see him being just that kind of belligerent but affectionate kind of man to his grandkids and to Rose as well.
I really want to see the story of Scorpius and Rose too - it sounds fantastic.
Hermione and Astoria are all kinds of awesome by the way - such different women, but both fierce and well rounded!Author's Response: Hello, again. You seem to consume stories the same way I do: pick one and tear into it and don't come up for air until it's over. I really appreciate you reading and reviewing.
I was very happy with how Draco turned out in this chapter. It certainly took a lot of fine-tuning to get there. Writing him is tough. You have to be very subtle and pay a lot of attention to the details to hit that balance. I'm glad there's at least one other person in the world who thinks I got it right!
Scorpius and Rose are coming a bit later on. There's still some setup that needs to happen, but I hope I can give them a chance to shine.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing. You're seriously making my day here! Report Review
Ahhh, so Harry is just guest lecturing. I wonder if the role of the Defence Professor still has trouble attracting suitable candidates? One thing though - and again, it's minor and I'm being nitpicky, but the Projectumbra spell sounds really clunky and 'made up' - the latin for projection is 'Projectionis' or 'Proditus' and they both sound a little more in sync with the HP world.
I love that Neville is the Headmaster - as soon as I found out he became a Professor there, I always hoped I'd see him become Headmaster.
Harry's lesson to Norway was important - because ignorance is a dangerous thing, people can get attached to any idea if they don't understand it. I imagine that's how it was so easy for the Ministry to fall, people didn't want to believe it could happen in the first place.
Excellent story, must read more!Author's Response: Hello, again!
Making up names is really not my strong suit. Maybe I should rely more on the Help Needed section of the forums for that. Umbra is actually Latin for shadow, which is where I was going with it. Better luck next time!
The extracurricular lesson from Harry to his grandson and the Northway boy will turn out to be a linchpin development in the story. It provides the first look at just how "bad" things have gotten.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I like that you have allowed Harry, Ron and Hermione to be fallible before the eyes of the law. So many stories have them written up as these heroic gods who get anything and everything they want. Not so - how many people love to see a hero fall? How many of those out there that were not Death eaters but still opposed his involvement in the war and the new age it would have brought in?
You bring up an interesting post-DH world that I think, is very unique. A very complex, somewhat dark world where just because one monster was felled, doesn't mean another won't rise in its place. I think there's even something like that in the books.
I love that they all put their mourning on hold for the trial and just banded together as a family, this is why I love the OBHWF trope - because it makes them all connected, it gives all these amazing characters this warm and supportive environment and I adore how you've written it here.
Oh wow. I love Percy's role in all this. I cannot stand to see Percy constantly turned into a villain. It's such a bad characterisation of him - he was a man who stood by his convictions, first and foremost, but he was a Weasley and he was loyal to his family in the end. Losing Ginny would just about tip him over, after seeing what happened to Fred and the guilt he felt over that. I like how you've given him an arc - he deserves one. Poor Perce.
I love the portraits too, they're not often used but I think it's a lovely idea. And the banter between all of them was spot on - Sirius always bucking authority, and I can imagine his trust in Dumbledore wouldn't have been as steadfast as the others, Dumbledore never asked questions while he was in Azkaban, did he? Poor Harry though, he's so lonely without his Ginny. I so want happy ending for him, but anything you give him will be bittersweet.Author's Response: My goal in this story is to portray a world that has become complacent and somewhat naive due to the years of peace and prosperity after the war. Since it's been over 40 years since Voldemort's fall, I don't think that the world outside of the family should still be worshiping Harry. I'm glad that concept came across OK.
The Weasley family is meant to be one of the constants held over from the era of the books. Molly and Arthur still lead the family and the family still comes together in times of crisis. To me, that has always been a pillar of the HP universe and the story wouldn't feel right without it. Percy is an integral part of that family, and even though the rest of the world still perceives him as something of an outsider, I think his bond has become stronger since Fred's and much later Ginny's deaths. I hope to do really interesting things with Percy's character before this story is over. Stay tuned...
The portraits were a late addition to this chapter, but that part was extremely fun to write. I've been feeling a measure of, I don't know, I guess you'd call it "writer's guilt" about the things I put Harry through in this story. Giving him back that connection to his parents, Sirius, Remus and Dumbledore felt good.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing. I'll do my best to keep things interesting for you! Report Review
Another excellent chapter. I am guessing that Ginny died in a very mundane, Muggle way? The victim of a mugging or similar?
I love the relationship you have between the trio and also the one you've established with Rose. It's very sweet and supportive, Harry ever the slightly clueless when it comes to girls, but a good listener all the same. The Scorpius and Rose relationship looks to be complicated and interesting too - I very much look forward to reading about that.
A couple of minor things - I have noticed the spelling of 'mom' in here and I know it's not major, but I always feel that Americanisms tend to take away from the HP universe which is so thoroughly British.
"If wizards spent as much time studying new magic as they do rehashing old family feuds and blood purity rubbish, we probably would have found a way to apparate to the moon by now, Harry added sanguinely. Is missing the closing speech marks too.
Again, a wonderful chapter with a new and exciting premise - I will be looking forward to updates!Author's Response: Thanks for catching that. After the next chapter clears validation, I'll try to go back and patch that up.
The scene with Harry, Rose and Octavia was a late addition to the chapter, but one that I'm rather proud of. It helps -- I hope -- to continue to show the "family" side of Harry, which will be an important contrast later. Rose is just so much fun to write, since she's gifted with her mother's brains and her father's sense of humor. It's a great combination.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing. I know your other responsibilities must keep you busy and it does mean a lot! Report Review
Aw! I was tearing up towards the end there. I think you show how strong their marriage was and how much they lved and depended on one another very well, even with one party dead and gone. I am very curious to see how Ginny died, as it doesn't seem that her death was natural - wizards and witches do live a long time after all.
I love that all of Harry's kids have grown up and they have kids of their own now and each has a very distinctive role in the wizarding world and I especially like that you did make Al a Slytherin - I really felt his being sorted there was important in the healing process for the wizarding world, post Voldemort.
And Harry as a professor! Excellent - very needed, I think. Hogwarts was always his first home.Author's Response: Putting Al in Slytherin just felt right, especially after reading some other excellent fics that made great use of that plot line. The wizarding world has moved on from the war by the time of this story. In some ways, that's a good thing and in other ways it's not so good. Sorting out the good from the bad will be -- I hope! -- a central tenet of this story.
If you like the idea of Harry as a professor, I think you're going to love chapter 5. 'Nuff said.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I have been meaning to review this story for a while - what an exciting premise and start to your story! I love trio fics, and it is exceptionally rare to find one when they are all grown up, established and with their own children also grown up. I look forward to reading this properly!Author's Response: Wow. So I immediately recognized your username from the validation emails and I feel pretty honored that you would take the time to review, given how many stories you must look at every day. It means a lot.
I look forward to reading your reviews! Report Review
I love how you're handling Peter's role in the story. I like to think he was smart and scheming enough to not get caught - Peter's always portrayed as dumb, but I think he knew how to manipulate people well enough to get what he wanted when he was desperate.
I love the scene with Sirius, I do think you've handled him very well. I like seeing him happy and healthy and whole, I really think that even if he hadn't gone to Azkaban, James' death would have shattered him completely.
Few minor quibbles - you used 'Peter' instead of Percy once, and also Sirius made a mental note to inquire Harry about what he did to Neville later' should probably be 'what he had done to Neville' as it makes more grammatical sense.
I also hope Sirius actually educates Harry on why bullying is bad, especially to Neville to whom Harry owes so much.
Great chapter, and I'm loving the quick updates!Author's Response: Thanks on the comments about Peter & Sirius, that's exactly how I thought of it. Okay, thanks, I'll fix them! Your suggestions are so good I might have to go back add a chapter or two... but I'm so busy I probably won't :( Thanks, I love the quick reviews ;) Report Review
First! Or, you know. Whatever.
I love love love this story. Everything just seems so well thought out and even though it is an AU, you can recognise the same basic qualities in the characters, it's Harry and Neville that are the most changed, but even then they're still there under all of that - it's just their circumstances that have changed.
I [i]know[/i] you've said that Harry will come good in the end, but jesus I just want to slap him silly for being such a bully, I truly want Lily and James to come in and just tell him right off. You can see that he's still sweet and loving underneath it all, he's just...very dumb and very arrogant. I love that he clapped his hands to his mouth after accidentally calling Lupin 'Moony'. He's just cute as a button there, I want to see more of that shine through and for him to get over his ridiculous enviousness and prejudice. Don't get me wrong! It's great to read about, and I look forward to seeing how you handle his evolution, because you're very skilful so far.
I love how fiery Hermione is, there's just no way she'd stand for Harry's rubbish towards Neville, she's always been so loyal to those that are good to her and the underdog especially.
I wonder what Lupin whispered to Harry in the detention?
I nominated this story for Best AU in the Dobbys by the way, I hope you win. More people need to read this awesome story.
More! This just keeps getting better!Author's Response: You'll see more of the sweet Harry in the next chapter! I'm glad you like all the characters because they're always what's most important to me when I write. Thank you sooo much for the nomination! It would mean so much to me if I won!! Report Review
I don't think I've ever seen a better submission for this particular challenge. There's a whole story here, a beginning, middle and an end - and it was just so touching and so beautiful.
This little moment in time with her little boy - everyone else seems to focus on her relationship with Rose but here you have drawn a very realistic and loving relationship in just 500 words - marvellous! I love the suggestion that Hugo is her favourite, because he is the both of them so combined, a reminder of their union and all the parts of them that fit.
Such beautiful imagery too - the warm descriptions give this piece an air of familiarity and fondness. Every word very carefully chosen, though you manage to make it look so easy and flowing.Author's Response: Wow, that's quite a compliment! Thank you :)
I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! It's really hard for me to write things with a sparse word count--I've heard people call very long chapters/paragraphs after my name, which is a compliment but at the same time goes to show that this is a branch away from my M.O., so to speak :D
I like Rose, but my own conceptualization of Hugo makes me believe that Hermione would be drawn to him; I picture Rose as more of a Hermione mini-me and Hugo as a healthy balance of his parents and families. He's very innocent in my mind; I think that because Hermione was robbed an innocent adolescence, she'd prize it very much in her son. As well as the way that he is the symbol of the unity of her husband and herself.
I tried consciously to focus on color and space in this fic--so glad it came across and wasn't overloady :D
Thank you so much for your kind, kind review! I really appreciate it :) Report Review
I keep reading more because it's so rare to see any Dumbledore fic and even then, it's usually just the same old stuff - this is so different, I keep wanting to find out how he'll react to certain situations, how he will behave, if he'll come through, if his talents will be used - please continue!Author's Response: Everything about Albus I've seen is in his late teens and based around the whole Grindelwald thing *guilty* so I wanted to go younger on him. I wanted to leave out any romantic element so I put him too young to care. :P
There's some big moments for him coming up in chapter 4 and 5. :D --Jenna Report Review
Ooooh, I like her. It's good to see a fighting and ferocious female in any era, but going back this far it's a rare joy. I like how fiesty she is, and how well rounded she is, only two short chapters in.
It is a good job Albus has broken his wand, as things might be a little too easy for The Greatest Wizard of Time if he had that at his hand. Though still, I do wonder if he might show some of his foretold brilliance now - there'd be no better time!Author's Response: Thank you times like 500! I've always seen Guinevere that way in my head (I'm an Arthurian lover) so I figured I'd give it a go on paper...er screen.
Yeah, for the scenes coming up, having his wand would completely kill all the action and adventure. I mean "accio necklace" and The End. :( Couldn't have that. Plus part of his personal mission is to become stronger without his wand.
...I ramble. Sorry.
Thank you again! --Jenna Report Review
Excellent chapter, the introduction to Guinevere was very well done and the language...while awkward and stilted against Albus' modern English, is also well done. Am I to guess by her choice of colours, she's...a little bit Slytherin?
And in this universe, does Merlin exist or is he just a story like Arthur and Guinevere? Or perhaps the story is historical in this instance?Author's Response: Thank you. ^.^
I have to admit, I spent hours trying to get the right amount on her dialogue. Because while Old English is something I'm pretty good at, I didn't want to add too much and make it a pain to read, or too little and it seem out of place.
Yup, she's a total Slytherin. I used the colour choices to kind of get everyone in that mind set already, but she proves herself one soon. :)
Well I consider Merlin, Arthur and Guinevere legends in the sense of "no one quite knows the real story". Kind of the way they are now, but the wizarding community would have a more close connection, believe that they were real more than we do. I like to think Albus sees them all as historical, but skewed. I hope that makes sense...
(Like if in 500 years, someone told the story of Obama becoming President and said he had laser-vision too.)
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I was starting to consider dropping this story because it didn't seem like anyone was reading. Now I'm inspired all over again! --Jenna Report Review
Very beautiful, the imagery and word use is just gorgeous and very lush. You create an atmosphere of passion and temptation and even though it's short, this fic breathes very well - it's expansive and suggestive of a whole relationship. Report Review
An extremely original idea for a fic! I love that you've used Albus as the main character, and his era for one thing - and to tie in Arthurian legend is very unique!
The writing style is flawless, and you have a very easy to read flow, that isn't overburdened with flowery prose but still very descriptive and imaginative. I also think you've got a great handle on the characters, I love how Elphias and Albus were portrayed, and I even love that their tormentors called him 'Dog', it seems like such an obvious thing, but I don't think I've seen it before.
Great chapter and I will be reading more!Author's Response: Thank you! While I can't take credit for the two character choices (they were the challenge given) the rest was mine. I was very excited to get Albus actually. I like writing him. ♥
Thank you again. *blushes* That means a lot! --Jenna Report Review
How lovely to see a fic from Ginny's perspective that's so in character!
I especially like that you've started when she was young and utterly awestruck by Harry, because it's so awkward and there's a good deal of second hand embarrassment - who doesn't remember pining over their first crush at a time when you just realised that you could even like someone in a not-friend way?
The characterisation is great - you haven't made her as fiesty as she becomes, she's still a little girl who knows Harry only from myth and legend; and Fred, George and Ron are all wonderfully illustrated as well. But I do love seeing a Ginny story, they're so rare to come by and I hope you continue! Report Review
I usually hate and despise Quidditch stuff, but you give it an air of authenticity that I appreciate,and the action and pacing doesn't feel stilted at all.
And we get more into the plot! I love that you've given Harry a sense of recklessness, he's known only danger and adventure his whole life, I can imagine he'd struggle with normal everyday living. I love that you're using Daphne as a character and that we get to see more of Charlie!
Carry on!Author's Response: Of course! Will do! Report Review
I...I love Lupin.
Really, he is just...wonderful. Harry is such a disappointment! (not to me, I think you're doing wonderfully with him) But to his parents, to Remus - to think, they know what Neville has gone through and to see Harry being so cruel just must be so heartbreaking because they know and love Harry and know he must be better than that.
I just want someone to come along and knock some sense into Harry! And then hug Neville some more, he needs it. And Hermione while I'm at it. And Ron.
And I like that you're delving into what happened in the past too, I am keen to see what roles Peter and Snape play. PLEASE continue this, I need to see how you've worked this out in your mind! It's just wonderful!Author's Response: Thanks! I also love Lupin. I have the feeling you'll warm up to Harry by the end, because deep-down he's still... Harry. It is done, so it's just a matter of posting it!! I'm really proud of it, and hope that you like it... I feel the pressure now.. lol. thanks for the reviews, they mean a ton! Report Review
Again, you do great justice to the characters. I just want to squish Neville though, he's so lost and lonely and such a different kind of boy to Harry, he lacks his resilience.
I love that Lupin has a place here, that he's allowed to be a Professor and not just a desperate last resort - it would have been very different for him had James and Lily survived and Sirius not gone to jail. Though I do have to wonder how this all played out in your universe, with Peter's betrayal. I want some answers!
And great introduction to Ron, he is a loyalist to whoever defeated Voldemort, I think - he has the proper respect! Unlike Harry and Draco, obviously. I wonder what Lily would say if she heard him speaking like that, I wonder what James would say (I do have the feeling he's the one who er...has made Harry a little over-confident in himself, but he still fought in the war and he still knows what happened that night and how close it came to being them).Author's Response: thanks again!! I wanted Lupin to be in here from the get-go and figured it was likely he'd be better off with his friends still around. And James is exactly the reason Harry is the way he is.. Sirius may have helped too ;) Thanks so much for the reviews, it makes me so happy each time I get one!! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection