I really like how all the different characters are now interacting here, like Tonks, Roland and Charlie. For a moment I was having mischievous desires of pairing Tonks up with Roland but well maybe not. The thing he seems like a genuinly nice guy so I'm off to find him a girlfriend lol
The conversation between Kerri and Tonks was interesting... they are so off target aren't they? and hell Sirius would have to be mad to take more money out of that account, a point that never was explained in canon (re broomstick money) but one that makes an awful lot of sense.
I wonder how Sirius will react to Remus knowing his whereabouts etc and to their trying to talk sense into him. I am really looking forward to that scene and the ending was great. You showed the determination on Remus' part really, really well.
Don't worry about taking longer. We are still hooked to this so I'm sure we are all still here to read and review.
Great job!Author's Response: Tonks is temporarily done with men...supposedly. Besides, I have someone in mind for her next year.
Well, Sirius does do reckless things, doesn't he? It was reckless to buy Harry that broom in the first place. Knowing him, he'd withdraw money again, just to annoy the Malfoys.
Sirius won't mind Remus knowing where he is, and he'll probably be more willing to open up to Remus than to Kerri.
First of all, great opening description. It's cold over here and I could feel Kerri getting out of bed and the castle in stages as it were.
Also, sorry I should have said this first but I read this for the first time quite a while back but was too tired to review and then well you know all the commotion I've been having at my end so now hopefully things have quieted down a bit and I can get on with it 'finally'...
You really showed how worried Sirius really is about Harry because normally he is the reckless one who encourages the boy to test his strength but this time he knows there is someone dark behind the whole business.
The little humourous touch with Kerri's skirt was hilarious, and Kerri keeps being ordered to attend balls lol
I must say my favourite part perhaps was the conversation between Kerri and Sevvy. It was great to get Kerri's view of her mother in the circumstances but as much if not more how you sort of hint at the fact that no matter how hard we think we have had it there is someone out there worse off; of course I'm referring to Severus' upbringing here. Also you don't make him go all melodramatic with it at all, he retains all his typical demenour whilst hinting in that direction.
Interesting introduction of Karkaroff too. Now, what was Basil thinking!!! Poor Kerri, how very, very embarrassing!!! I wonder if any of the other teachers ever got a howler.
In the midst of all these funny little details you also manage to convey extremely well the tension that is building up in the wizarding world, the storm that is brewing...
I must say I'm feeling really sorry for the boys now because on the vein of your chapter there is a lot of pesimism and worry in their outlooks despite all the playfulness that is characteristic of them.
Great balance of fun and seriousness here. Loved this chapter and my apologies for taking so long to review.Author's Response: The getting out of bed thing is pretty familiar to me too, after the cold winter that we just had. Maybe I should have added 'putting on sunblock' to the list. Mine is in spray form and I hate putting it on when it's cold.
I always thought Mrs. Weasley was too harsh with Sirius. Sirius was doing the best he could to take care of Harry and of course he cared about him. I never thought Sirius was reckless in how he took care of Harry, more in how he took care of himself.
Basil was just being a dork. (Just being a guy, I guess).
The part with Kerri's mother was again an attempt to get people to like her a bit better. I have some major plans for her later in the series so it doesn't hurt to work on developing her now.
Oh, I can just imagine Snape playing the piano and to a fairly dramatic and not very happy tune. I have, for some reason, as similar idea to yours in terms of Snape solitary hobbies. Now, at first I was a little unsure as to what the reference to coins was about but I gather it was the money that Snape left for the meal which she was giving back. I really ought to go an re-read the previous chapter. I forget details so easily, silly me!
Remus' reaction to Snape's improved behaviour was exactly how I expected it to be, still noble despite the fact that Snape would do anything to split him up from Kerri.
The scene with the boys and Vashti was hilarious, as usual. You never cease to amuse me with the things you come up for pranks and well Filch's switches also, for instance. Oh, and having Kerri mentioning 'being thrown to the wolves' was just priceless. Love how you did that!
So I gather now that Sirius is going to definitely give Kerri lessons to help her become an 'unregistered' animagus. That should be fun! Also nice little touch by showing us that Remus wasn't whiter than white in his younger days either.
Using Kerri and Roland's point of view to describe the welcome dinner was a nice idea, especially since they are both your original characters. Trust her to have been at the World Cup and know absolutely nothing about it, so typical lol
Now Madam Maxime and Hagrid, umm... a lot of innuendo there and I love it. I just ove this pairing and well the horses' diet, only you could come up with cheeseburgers, so funny!
You have certainly managed to convey a lot in just one chapter which I think it's very skillful.
I really look forwad to the Kerri/Snape scene. She seem to feel more positive towards him know despite what she says and still thinks. It will be interesting also to get Kerri's full reaction to Harry having been chosen for the tournament in such an odd fashion. She did touch on the subject but I get the feeling that it hasn't sinked in properly with her yet.
Great chapter, but then again yours always are.Author's Response: Finally getting around to answering this. Newly-released-book mania knows no bounds. Actually, I remember now that I started to answer this several days ago but ran out of time and canceled.
Yes, the coins Kerri was returning were for the night Snape bought dinner for her.
Remus feels guilty that he's the cause of the rift between Kerri and Snape. He'll be very happy to see their relationship mend.
You never know when you write what little details readers will point out in their reviews. It amazes me that many times it will be parts I struggled with (Like Vashti's because my heart wasn't in it at the time and it felt forced) or things that I added on a whim and wasn't sure would work (Like Filch and the switches).
Sirius will be teaching Kerri animagus transformations. She'll master the ability sometime midway through year five. I'm not quite sure how to present lessons.it makes me a bit nervous. It's a different kind of magic from any that the kids learned in the books, so I'll have to come up with it all completely on my own.
Vicktor who? Kerri isn't really into sports. Drives her male friends crazy.
Cheeseburgers -- why not? The things drink only whiskey so I imagine that their diets consist of foods that are a bit stronger than oats.
I would kind of like to put Hagrid and Madam Maxime together eventually, but I don't think it could be realistically done until during their trip together in book five.
I am so far behind with my writing ! My readers are all going to be ready to kill me.
Using the dream pillow as a device for Kerri and Remus to talk things through was inspired. I really liked it. I knew that Remus would see sense sooner or later but of course his mind is telling him one thing and his heart another. Kerri must be sick by now of everyone trying to pair her with Roland, but yes, he is a 'good catch' and also a nice guy so I can see why people want to pair her up with him.
The episode with the screwts was sweet. Hagrid ought to control his critters better lol
I knew that Snape was going to try to be nice to Kerri in this and I was waiting for the grand entrance and wow, just wow, I loved the way you did it! Very powerful entrance indeed, praising Kerri like that when nobody noticed he was even there. Loved it!
It's obvious that Snape wanted to give Kerri and Roland a chance to be alone in a well, shall we say possible romantic setting. However, I do wonder if the call was staged completely or if something has truly happened. Taking into account that Harry might have been selected as a champion, I think my money is on the latter but then again, I guess Snape and Kerri would have been there to witness the show, so maybe not...
I agree that Snape could be pleasant company if he chose to be, althoguh of course most of the time he choses not to be so polite.Author's Response: Remus has these very moral ideas but he's still just a man. It's one thing to have principles but it's another to see another male threatening to take your female from you. Remus is going just slightly caveman here. (And this is probably about as wild as he's capable of getting, unless he has four legs of course).
We all know that Hagrid can't control his critters. They always run all over him. When Kerri and Remus have children they will probably do the same.
Snape's entrance, well he does have a habit of that. There are times in canon when he just seems to appear out of nowhere. My favorite is in book two when Harry and Ron have just crashed the car and are looking in the window, noticing that Snape is missing. "Maybe he quit." "Maybe he got sacked." - "Or maybe he's right behind you waiting to hear your explanation."
Harry hasn't been selected as champion yet. That will be next chapter though and Kerri will be there to see it happen. Report Review
I started a review yesterday but the thing crashed again! so here it comes:
Firstly, I thought that making Hermione and Eloise interact was a nice touch. She comes across, Eloise, at the sort of kid that other children might pick on so it would have been nice to see her making friends. I guess there wasn't enough space in the series for Jo to concentrate more on her, since I guess she created Luna for that purpose, as a sort of odd ball.
The scene with McGonagall was very good as well. It's nice to add a little background to canon characters whose private lifes we know very little about. I thought her caution in terms of the advice she gives Kerri was very in character.
Now, the meeting between Roland and Remus was a classic. I would have expected Remus to be a bit more gracious about the whole situation but this is not a criticism of how you write in, on the contrary, because well we are all human and jealousy is a powerful emotion. What I'm not entirely sure about is whether Kerri is correct in thinking that he isn't fighting back. In my opinion, Remus is very much fighting his own corner but not with the usual weapons, which would be more in line with causing some sort of scene, at least once Kerri and himself are in private. Instead he gives them both the cold treatment which I think it's a lot scarier, at least it would be to me. I much rather someone shouts at me than give me this sort of cold, polite treatment. It will be interesting to see how Roland and him interact in the future. Kerri is definitely right in that she hasn't done anything wrong. In fact she mentioned the fact that she had a boyfriend very early on. I'm still unclear as to whether Roland fancies her or whether he just wants friendship and again this is because you have written him very well.
Vashti of course is in the middle of everything as usual and back to her old tricks. She is quite fun to read about actually.
I really, really loved the scene from book 6. So nicely done, very sweet without being at all over the top. Well done, again!Author's Response: This thing here really hates you, doesn't it?
I didn't want to leave Eloise hanging. I wanted to give her little plot line some closure, so I put it in here. Also, I can see Kerri having a little cluster of students always hanging around her in the way that Slughorn always had his favorites around him. (Only she won't be picking favorites based upon their famous relatives. Actually, I have a feeling that she won't like Slughorn very much).
McGonagall's scene wasn't really necessary and didn't need to be that long. But it's one that I decided to put in for personal interest. Why did McGonagall become an animagus? What was her childhood like? It adds a little depth to her personality.
Remus is definitely not going to be able to just sit still and watch Roland move in on Kerri. He's only a man after all, and this will trigger his caveman instincts just a little bit. It won't be easy for him to allow another male to slip in and steal away his female, no matter what his ethics might say. That part will be addressed in the next chapter. It would have been too long to resolve in this one.
With Roland, I think he probably is attracted to Kerri, though right now I don't intend to have him act on that. He really is a nice guy and he knows she's attached to someone. On the other hand, there is another character who would very much like to see Kerri and Roland get together and I'm going to start him trying to interfere in the next chapter.
Oh well, I was only going to try to review one more chapter but you really got me hooked, so I had to read it all! lol I might print your new Twilight one to take it on the train to read.
I loved this chapter, a little short but extremely enjoyable. The conversation between Kerri and Sirius sounded very real. I knew that Sirius was going to offer to talk to Remus as soon as Kerri told him the story. He really is being a bit of a silly boy (Remus) although we know that he will come round in the end.
It was a nice touch to get Kerri to see Buckbeak again also. Now, I wonder what Sirius is worried about re Harry, since I don't think they have selected the champions yet, have they? or have I forgotten something already. You know, sometimes I get your story and canon mixed up and the timelines, although I know that you follow the canon timelines pretty rigorously.
Now the baking of cookies was definitely a good thing! lolAuthor's Response: This chapter came from one of those pre-written scenes and it's the only one so far that I had to almost completely re-write. Originally I hadn't planned for Kerri and Remus to be having problems at this time so I had to make changes to accomodate for that.
Early in GOF Harry's scar burned and he wrote to Sirius about it. Sirius immediately dropped what he was doing and returned to England where we learn later in the book that Dumbledore helped him find a place to hide. Report Review
Good Lord, I'm behind! You posted this around Thanksgiving and it's now almost Christmas! Sorry about this.
I must say that I can tell your love of animals which shows very much through Kerri even if those are fictional ones. The detail you put in and everything, it almost feel real and well educational I would go as far as saying (if dragons existed of course).
Now, one think I noticed is that you mention Gideon twice. Was it an error or was Gideon really there? Now, forgive me if my memory is failing but wasn't Gideon Tonk's boyfriend, the one whose parents owned a wand shop? Just wondering...
It makes sense for Kerri to show Roland her experiments, they would certainly make a good team, although yes I can see that she feels guilty although she isn't doing anything wrong and well all these girls giggling doesn't help.
Now, good plot device for getting Kerri to start siding up with Snape, even when he hasn't asked for it. I wonder who actually wrote that note.
Interesting to get Kerri to be the one to bring provisions to Sirius. I'm really looking forward to their interaction.Author's Response: You're like the third person to catch the Gideon-Roland typo. I should correct it but I rarely do go back and fix things. I guess I think of posting chapters like turning in essays. You can't go back and fix an essay to get a better grade, so I rarely go back and fix chapters either.
Oh, this was hilarious and also introduces new conflicts so again a very good mixture of seriousness and humour.
I guess you are trying to portray Roland as a bit of a dare devil by contrast with Remus, although well giving the fact that Remus was a Marauder I bet he wasn't always so sensible. The canary scene had me in absolute stitches and all the mention of candy well hungry. Thankfully I had your cookies handy! lol
Kerri was very clever in the way she dealt with the twins, yes trying to force one of their own tricks on them, either that or a confession. I guess they are bolder with Kerri because they knew her as a friend of the family first.
Rita Skeeter is back to her old tricks, I see. It was nice to see Tonks, Mary Ann and Jillian and Ryann again. It was also nice of Tonks to take a personal interest in the matter. Interesting that Moody looked at her with suspicion which of course the real Moody would not have done...
The Apparition lessons are going to be fun I guess, yet another extra curricular activity for Kerry. At this rate she is going to need a timeturner but is actually a very simple but effective idea, certainly better than having to move because of stupid Rita!
I read most of this chapter over a week ago but didn't get around to leave a review. Onto the next one now.Author's Response: Yes, I'm trying to present Roland as more the adventuring type. Remus no doubt was a bit more that way when he was younger, but not so much anymore. Here Kerri could have this young, handsome, adventuresome fellow with a medical degree and good prospects for his future.
Yes, the twins think they can get away with things with Kerri because she's been friends with the family. Kerri does sometimes have a difficult time being taken seriously. She's young for one thing and some of the older teachers tend to think of her that way.
The fake Moody is looking at Tonks with suspicion because that's how he thinks the real Moody would react to a stranger appearing in the doorway. He didn't know that Moody knew Tonks quite well so his reaction was incorrect.
Kerri won't actually be in charge of the apparition lessons. She's just responsible for having suggested them. Jillian will do the actual teaching. (Although staging Mary Ann's apparition lessons might have been fun).
The start of this chapter reminds me a bit of politics and how people talk about them. I can picture my friends discussing a topic and well everyone's views things from their perspective and accommodating their preconceived ideas. So Kerri has it for Moody and Kincaid for Snape and Dumbledore. They both want the people they dislike coming out as the bad guy and well in their minds they succeed, even though they cannot persuade the other.
It's nice that Kerri is showing signs, slowly, of still caring for Snape and well I think the situation between her and Remus although very far from ideal is beginning to heal a little too. Nice hints that you give, a little bit at a time. They make the story sound very realistic.
You have such imagination when I comes to writing Luna and her quirks well and her father's. The whole passage had me in stitches, and oh well the bit about werewolves being handy for the winter months. lol
The Eloise part of the chapter was great. Perfect balance between comedy and well making the reader feel sorry for the poor girl. Filch is such fun, isn't he? I could see him doing exactly what you described.
Now, poor Cedric. With hindsight it's really sad to hear him talking excitedly about entering the tournament...
Great job again!Author's Response: There are times when I'm completely on Kincaid's side when it comes to deciding what to do with prisoners. Though I might be more evil than him because I think we should use them for laboratory testing instead of abusing helpless animals. Oh well. Let's just all be glad that Kincaid wasn't made Minister of Magic. On the other hand, Bellatrix and co. would never have survived to escape Azkaban.
Snape and Kerri, yes they're starting to recover a little. Kerri is going to have to be the one to give in though. I'm fond of Snape and don't want to compromise his dignity. I never make him say "sorry" if I can help it. Report Review
I like how you expand on the canon details, like for instance what went on behind the scenes after the ferret episode. It is even more obvious in this chapter that Kerri is not going to keep her temper under control. Now, I wonder what she actually suspects. Okay, she dislikes Moody but I think deep down even she recognises that she's being a bit bias and well one thing is disliking the guy and his methods but I wonder if she actually suspects something more. After all she even mentioned the 'rat.' I think I would have alarm bells ringing in my head if I were in her shoes. Also, 'Moody' is very insistent when he questions her about her parents. I wonder what he himself suspects or even knows...
The scene with Hermione was very entertaining. My guess is that Kerri suspects the twins but well, I certainly think that Harry and Ron are also totally capable of playing pranks on Sevvy, although I don't know, Harry might have been a bit frightened of him. My money is on the twins anyhow. Poor Hermione and her good intentions. You wrote Kerri there very well because to begin with it's not clear which way she would go. I expected her to try to reason with Hermione about the nature of house elves but then again I thought she might have joined just to be polite. Her reasons for not doing so sound plausible though. Nice of her to grant her some house points.
Very nice chapter, as always. It raises a few questions in the reader's mind where Moody is concerned.Author's Response: Finally going to answer a review. Wow.
Kerri doesn't suspect anything about Moody other than he's a paranoid jerk who doesn't respect anyone's privacy. Besides that, she's also irritated because he took Remus's job, which makes her a bit prejudiced. Now she's watching him target Snape and that makes her defensive. Kerri and Moody -- not even Kerri and the real Moody -- will never be friends.
The fake Moody doesn't suspect anything about Kerri's parentage at the moment. He's questioning her to try to figure her out. She's just the sort of person that Voldemort would want to win over to his side, because she's young and talented and holds a position at the school. And Voldemort has already talked to her himself through Quirrel so the interest is certainly there.
If Hermione had been campaigning to save werewolves, no doubt Kerri would have happily become a member of SPWW. Report Review
This chapter was very entertaining and it went amazingly quickly actually. Well, the first scene with Luna was very funny as it is every time she is involved. You write her so well!
It was funny how you hinted as Septima being all over Roland and yes the little thought that Kerri has about it being weird to go for walks with him didn't escape my notice. lol
Now, I do appreciate Kerri's frustration but I think she is getting far too personal, when he calls him one legged something or other, for instance. This is good in many ways because you show your protagonist as someone with faults. She is still sympathetic and we all love her but yes, she's by no means perfect. Okay, since she doesn't suspect Moody actually the problem they would appear to have is very true of real life and in fact of politics. In fact, it's an issue that gets touch in the original fic I'm trying to put together; i.e. civil liberties -v- national security (in this case Hogwarts' security). Both factions have a point and a strong one. Dumbledore seems to be going for a middle ground and yes, as you commented in a reply to a review, Crouch Jr is definitely a very good actor because yes a lot of people knew him before and Dumbledore, although no perfect isn't stupid.
The scene was pretty comical (Kerri -v- Moody) of course and it shows in a way that there are a lot of Gryffindor characteristics in Kerri anyway.
The little scene with Basil was sweet and very well done and it is so true. I mean defeating boggarts seems like an easy thing to do, in theory, but of course yes, how about making someone you really want look ridiculous. Well, I probably could, but maybe I'm not a romantic at all lol (yes I could even find something ridiculous about Harry, or various things in fact).
I guess we are in for a lot of tensions between those two and poor Dumbledore in the middle! I don't envy him.
Lovely chapter and I look forward to more as always.Author's Response: Let's try again. THE POWER KEEPS GOING OUT !
As we talked about in emails, Kerri's temper is getting out of hand. She's acting a lot like Snape here, who can become obsessive and childish when he dislike someone.
The civil liberties -- national security theme is even more noticeable in the chapter I'm working on now. Kincaid is giving his opinion and of course that's always colorful. (For instance, he wants all the prisoners in Azkaban to be humanely executed --- by beheading).
Basil's scene was intended to remind people of that particular plot line. I haven't forgotten about him and Tonks and I don't want my readers to either. Also, Basil's personality has been changing a lot. He's growing up and becoming more serious. (Miracle of miracles) Report Review
You know, when I read this I was just picturing in my head the pumpkin patch at the park, it seemed so real much before I ever went there. Shame that those pictures of Hagrid's hut were on my camera. I think Mary posted one or two in her album though, she took it with an iphone, so at least there are some survivors. (Okay, sorry this is completely off topic).
I love the scene by the way, him and his critters, even Kerri thinks that both him and Dumbledore have finally gone loopy!
I could also see very clearly the image of Dumbledore catching the pears with his wand. Of course, Kerri is not going to be able to avoid people enquiring as to her and Remus. I knew that was unavoidable from the previous year fic.
The scene with Roland reminds me a bit of Jane Austen for some reason (I'm a big Jane Austen fan by the way) although here he is the 'damsel in distress' and then when he suggest that they go for a walk. In all truth, she has a genuine reason for not wanting to go but it might have sounded different to him. The second part of course is just playful banter. Yes, it is clear that there is temptation in Kerri's way which adds a little tension.
Now, poor Sybil, well apart from making all those silly predictions she is causes no harm really. I think this just comes to show that Kerri still feels a lot of anger inside that she has to point at something and well of course Moody is her other scapegoat, although I think he will prove a tougher target than Trelawney. Oh, and she is taking it out on Draco too. She is unstoppable this year.
Nice news about Cedric. I can see how evil you is making Kerri closer to him so that she will be really upset at the end of the year.
I very much enjoyed the summer but it's nice to have them back to Hogwarts also, oh and the ideas you come up for pranking Snape. How embarrassing it would have been if Kerri had got the blame! *cringes*
Very well done again!Author's Response: Well, this wouldn't be the first time that Kerri suspected Dumbledore of going loopy. Usually she's tolerant of Hagrid though.
The pear scene.actually that was inspired by the video game. I was casting around for something unique for Dumbledore to be doing. From canon, you'd think that he lives behind his desk. I remembered the pear three in the clocktower courtyard in the video game and decided to have Dumbledore there. Give him something to do besides sit at that desk, the poor guy.
Kerri's irritation with Trelawney possibly stems from the fact that she's so much brighter and more capable at her job. It would be hard not to look down on someone like that just a bit. And it's true that Dumbledore didn't keep her around for her teaching skills. With Moody, she's much more vicious and yes, he's a scapegoat. Although he'll give her genuine reason to dislike him in the next chapter.
Poor Draco, she's been after him ever since last year. Sometimes those Snape-like tendencies do come to the surface.
You're completely right about my motivation with Cedric. Also, Kerri sees a little of herself as a teenager in him. They're both good looking and bright and successful; expected to go on and do great things. Of course one of them won't.
Flowers outside Snape's door. I've been thinking for months about what to put there. I considered shampoo but that would be the ultimate insult so I think I'll save that one for year 6. The flowers, with pink ribbon will irritate him enough. It's the annoyance of not knowing who's doing it and what their purpose is that makes it so funny. Such a stupid thing but it drives him nuts and that's where the humor comes in.
I really enjoyed Kerri's reflections upon her situation. She is aware that she is burying her head in the sand to a degree but cannot get herself to come out in the open. It's also very true that often people, well intentioned as they might be, don't make it any easier by asking questions. In my opinion, she definitely did the right thing by going to stay with the Wesleys. In fact the way she sees them is very similar to the one Harry does; yet another parallel. Of course, when she is down all manners of thoughts enter her head about whether they would accept her if they knew who her father is. I'm pretty sure that they would do. I mean, it's not as if it's Kerri's fault but it's also natural that she feels like that. She is a complex character and you are very good at showing that to the reader. At times she is becoming a little annoying but it's understandable and it proves that she's human and not the 100% perfect heroin. If she wasn't being a little unreasonable she would sound a little too perfect.
Now, the ice-cream scene was a great device to introduce the new member of stuff. The flirtation is there, whether consciously or subconsciously and even Kerri has to admit to herself that she feels a certain attraction... Roland comes across as a sympathetic character. You were quite clever in the way that you explained away why they hadn't met because I assume they are about the same age and in the wizarding world it would have been logical for them to have met either at Hogwarts or Merlin but the explanation you give is very plausible.
The staff were all very in character as usual, Snape, Dumbledore. Septima ought to take a potion to prevent her from being insensitive or something; she has such a big mouth, which makes her hilarious.
I really look forward to seeing how this all progresses once the academic year starts and of course, I'm very intrigued to see what happens when Sophia and Kerri have their talk.Author's Response: Kerri does have a few things in common with Harry. (You would be the one that notices that). There's the way they both regard the Weasleys but also the way they think of Hogwarts. They both think of it as home, much more than they do their real homes. They're also both magical individuals raised as Muggles for the first part of their lives. And actually, she's starting to remind me a bit of the way he was in year 5 when he drove everyone nuts with his moody behavior. But there's a lot of Snape-like behavior coming out there too.
The ice cream scene was taken from real life. It happened to me and my niece once when I was a teenager and she was little. We were at a buffet and I'd taken her to get some ice cream. We were walking back to our table when she tripped over a metal strip that held the rug in place. Her ice cream went rolling away across the carpet and she started to cry. I was trying to calm her down and get the ice cream picked up and fortunately some lady stopped and helped.
Well this story intrigued me because you are obviously taking inspiration from the Book of Esther and I thought this was pretty original. In fact mixing Harry Potter's wizarding world and religion is something that I do in my novel length fanfic.
The one suggestion I would make is that you could explain the actual story for those who are not familiar with this festival and how it came about; which is of course a fascinating story.
It's interesting that you have a happy ending for all concerned, on of peace which is of course a beautiful message. My only criticism is that both Haman and Mordecai here just decide to bury the hatchet without a psychological built up to it. I think this story could benefit from a slower explanation as to why both of them decided to suddenly leave their differences behind, how they managed to set aside their resentment etc.
However, this is a very, very interesting concept.
Just by all means feel free to link my Bellatrix story to your Bellatrix website.
Take care.Author's Response: This story was originally written as a play for my Hebrew School Class. It was meant to be kind of corny in way. They're are younger people in the Hebrew School, and they probs wouldn't have gotten a deeper message. But what you say is true. Perhaps I will edit it!
Glad you enjoyed it.
Nitenel :) Report Review
Very clever plot in terms of involving Cedric in the Snape-v-Kerry boxing round. Well, I think both theories are true: Snape is picking on Cedric because, despite what she says even to herself, Cedric is a sort of favourite with her and he knows it. Yes, Snape is motivated by sour feelings; hence anyone who is a friend/son whatever of someone he's against is his enemy (hence Harry because of James and well, Lily's rejection). On the other hand, I can also see how Quidditch comes into it as well as an added extra.
Very clever of Kerri to corner him when he couldn't argue to earnestly without showing himself up in front of a pupil.
Cedric comes across exactly how I imagine him; professional to the ultimate, unbias and a top student.
Now the second part was hilarious as all your werewolf boys scenes always are. Vashti has a point and yes, they do self-regulate since the Ministry can't give a damn but she's being far, far too bossy (which is totally in character for her). The boys are as funny as ever (cactus anyone? lol). I like the fact that you don't show her as a complete villain and there is a reason for her to be concerned and angry. I certainly wouldn't want people like that showing at my place if say a room-mate had got into a sticky situation. Remus handled it remarkably, of course.
Now, great cliffhanger about Tonks. I'm sure all your readers are sitting tight on that one!Author's Response: You're right about the Snape-Kerri-Cedric thing. Really, it's Cedric you have to feel sorry for, stuck in the middle of it. Although I guess you can feel sorry for Draco too since Kerri is targeting Snape's favorite little darling too.
Vashti was never meant to be a villain although I know a lot of readers hate her. (They hate Kerri's mother too) At the very least, Vashti would never be the type to run off and join Voldemort so that's something at least. Report Review
Oh, I tried to review this early and I lost it again! I think I have now figured out what I seem to be doing wrong. I guess I pressed preview and didn't follow the whole process. Sorry about that.
Well, I think Charlie has a point in that he hasn't had time off since he started work in Romania.
Now, I do wonder if Sevvy is actually going to have a word with Remus, for 'Kerri's good'? The problem is that Remus would probably see Snape's point. Kerri is definitely right about Sevvy not having a life. Is he supposed to be still in love with Lily in your story?
Kerri was a little bit too rude with Tonks. It seems as if she was taking out on her what August did but yes, Tonks was a little too irritating by going on about Remus who hasn't really done much wrong. Still it was good banter.
Now, Luna has guessed? Wow! The trouble with her is that noone ever takes her seriously. She's in fact really perceptive.
Good chapter again.Author's Response: No, Snape is going to accidentally tell everyone that Remus is a werewolf at the end of the year, which he'll hope will cancel wedding plans if Remus loses his job. (Although Remus will have already decided against getting married by then anyway).
Yes, Snape does love Lily, but Kerri doesn't know it. I'm thinking she can find out end of year four, or early year five. I certainly want her to be aware by the end of year five.
Kerri and Tonks were just irritating each other. (And of course both of them turn out to be right. August is completely undependable and Remus is going to weasel out). Report Review
Mary Ann always makes me laugh. No, I don't think I would trust her with my hair either, but she has a point in that she would have to try in order to learn.
Kerri contacted just the right person in my opinion, because yes, explaining to Remus what she was doing down there would have been well... complicated. Also, the fact that she never says a word to Snape is undoubtedly the surest way to get him annoyed.
I think it would have been hilarious to let Kerri swap the car but yes, I agree that there would have probably been repercusions. You are really inventive, you know? The chocolate frog collection was inspired.
Poor Kerri is still trying to avoid Harry at all costs, isn't she? although I give her some credit for trying to establish a bit of conversation. Also, giving Remus Percy's ticket would have been a sound idea and of course very in character for Ron to make such suggestion.
This was a really entertaining chapter and next one promises to be also. Both Hagrid and Kerri will be broken hearted but oh, well, we all know that it all ends well.
Great job as always.Author's Response: Not too many people would trust Mary Ann next door, let alone taking sharp objects to their hair.
I had Kerri call for Streak to begin establishing the relationships that are to come. If Dumbledore has the Order of the Phoenix, Kerri will have a lot of werewolves who will function similarly for her. Basil will be second-in-command but Mel and Streak will function almost as bodygaurds whether she wants them to or not.
The car thing would have made it way too complicated. I'd have had to stage the scene and then they'd have made new enemies that would have to be handled. The important thing is that Kerri now has control of the car which you know I have big plans for.
She is currently trying to avoid Harry but she will end up staying with the Weasleys over summer in order to avoid someone else. Report Review
Arthur was very in character in his letter. He's such a nice man, isn't he? and scared of Molly, at least slightly.
Interesting question that Mary Ann posed. I get a feeling that you are going to go somewhere with that (re: what happens to werewolves if bitten by a vampire), although would it be preferable to be a vampire instead of a werewolf?
Septima needs to think before she opens that great big mouth of hers, although in fairness she had a go at Goyle just the same, so she doesn't discriminate; she is tactless with everybody. lol
You reflect very well two aspects of McGonagall's personality here: the competitive side to her nature and her sense of fairness.
If I were Dumbledore I would threaten to fire both Kerri and Severus if they don't stop the bickering. I would be tired of it if I were him.
Kerri continues to be absolutely terrified to be anywhere near Harry, I see. I wonder if she will have him in her class in year 4. I can't remember in which year the trio dropped care of magical creatures. I guess you will still have him with Hagrid even if they are still taking the subject.
Yes, interesting that Remus is making almost definite plans to go house-hunting.
It seems that your next chapter is going to be rather entertaining. I wonder how Kerri will get out of the situation.Author's Response: Isn't pretty much everyone afraid of Molly Weasley? The one person who apparently wasn't was killed by her. (Go Mrs. Weasley!!!)
Actually, I don't intend to answer the werewolf/vampire question. It's just something for Mary Ann and Kerri to talk about and also something for Kerri to think about in her research.
As Remus says, Septima Vector means well, she's just thoughtless. The teachers in general are just fun to play with. I like to put them together and present them as a disfucntional family. We get to see the stuff that goes on behind closed doors that the students don't get to see. (Although they do know that Snape and McGonagall have a rivalry going).
Kerri will be staying with the Weasleys and Harry at the beginning of next year. She says she won't but she will, probably because she'll be trying to avoid a certain person she'll be having an argument with at the end of this year.
Harry will remain in Hagrid's class but I'll probably have Kerri be the substitute during that time that Hagrid falls apart over Rita Skeeter's article.
This chapter has a very good balance between seriousness and humour. The capture of the car was hilarious as was your depiction of Athena as the one in charge.
So, Remus has been making really solid plans for the future? Wow, things seem to be progressing pretty fast although he's still adamant that he wants to think things through.
Well, Basil just gets more daft by the minute, doesn't he? Now, at first you mention 5,000 galleons and then 500. I know this is just me being nitpicky though. I believe that if you multiply galleons by 5 you get the approximate amount in pounds, so if it's 5,000 we are talking about really serious money here. I just thought I mention although it's just a small detail and it doesn't really affect the plot.
I wonder now what Arthur will want them to do about the car. I thought the shrinking spell was just genial by the way. Great chapter!Author's Response: Well, I have future plans for that car in year 7 and again I'm trying to familiarize people with Athena a bit because I have plans for her in the climactic scene of this story. (Which is my very favorite of all my pre-written scenes).
You know how this is going to go at the end of the story. Remus's plans are going to go down the tube. He's going to feel sorry for himself, etc. (Sometimes he really does remind me a bit of Edward. Gag. Get over it, Remus !)
I think it was 1,000 galleons and he wanted half. I don't worry about precision when it comes to numbers though. I won't add 1+1 without a calculator. I don't try to convert dollars to pounds and pounds to galleons. Probably most people don't pay close attention anyway.
Ha. Arthur doesn't ever want to see that car again ! Mrs. Weasley would kill him and he knows it. Report Review
It was nice to hear from Mary Ann and Hermione again. Harry at least should try to keep her some company. I can't remember what he was exactly like in canon about that. I just remember him being fed up being in the middle.
I wonder why Remus didn't spot Peter's dot earlier than he did. In fact, it was Harry who noticed, wasn't he? It's nice to see Remus reminiscing about his good old days at school, although of course he always gets a bit sad remembering because of all that happened afterwards.
To be quite honest, if I were Dumbledore I think I would probably suspend both Kerri and Snape until they reach a cease-fire, but of course he doesn't know that it was them two playing games. Of course he could use Legilimency but I gather he didn't expect two teachers to act like that.
Anyhow, lovely chapter. It will be nice to see the centaurs making an appearance in the next chapter also.Author's Response: Mary Ann, Hermione, there are so many characters to juggle; canon and non canon. I worry about not having had a scene with Royal's family for quite some time but I just haven't had a convenient reason to bring them back into the story. I do try to give everyone their chance but with some people it's easier. Now that I think of it, I haven't thrown Luna in here for quite a while either.
I think that Harry mostly hung out with Ron during this time. He was always closer to Ron than to Hermione. I don't think he avoided her, I think that's just how it worked out. Hagrid scolded both Harry and Ron because Hermione had been coming over to his cabin crying quite a bit.
Dumbledore has a habit of underestimating Snape's tendency to hold grudges. Like when he tried to get him to get along with Sirius in year 5 and later admitted that had been a mistake. Kerri is just like Snape when it comes to holding grudges so he probably wouldn't suspect her either. Revenge for Kerri's action is going to be forthcoming, of course. Snape can't ever just let things go.
I'm trying to bring the centaurs in because I want people to be familiar with Athena at the end of the story. She features prominently in one of my pre-written scenes. (The one that takes place on the night of Peter's escape).
I just loved the trial. You made it sound so realistic even thought the judges or at least some of them were bias. I loved Draco's input. He didn't lie outright about not having been warned about how to treat a hipogriff, he just blamed it on Hagrid's accent whilst taking the opportunity to comment on Kerri's as well. You just have to love to hate this boy! The way in which all that dirty laundry about Hagrid came out sounded very much like a real-life trial as well. I wonder if we'll see Hermione's reaction to the news, after she worked so hard trying to find precedents.
The Ministry woman, was she Umbridge by any chance? I wonder also if August Day will try to genuinly help now or whether he's going to pretend being too busy still.
Remus and Kerri really are good at blaming themselves for everything, aren't they? although I have to admit that they both have a point, although the fault isn't theirs but of the prejudiced people they encounter.
I did wonder even in canon why Dumbledore didn't put a good word in, although perhaps he did to no avail. After all, the Ministry never liked him much. Lovely detail when you put in Kerri's lips that she'll make Buckbeak escape if necessary. I wonder if she would play some part in that.
Great, great chapter!Author's Response: I've been dreading Buckbeak's trial because two of my readers are lawyers and one of them is a criminal lawyer. (And you know who those two people are). In the end I just had to decide, "Oh well..I'll just do my best with it."
Draco is a little monster. I'm not one of these people who see him as cute or a tragic figure. I think he's a horrible little brat. The Buckbeak thing really bugs me. There was no reason at all for him to be so excited over causing the potential death of the hippogriff. He and his father need to get real hobbies.
No, not Umbridge. I don't think Kerri will lock horns with her until year five. Year four will be Snape's time to squirm because of the dark mark returning. Year five will be Kerri's time because of Umbridge. Kerri, like Harry, has difficulty keeping her mouth shut sometimes.
I wanted Kerri to start to see that being with Remus could possibly stop her from doing some things, or at least make attaining goals difficult. She's always just shrugged it off but now this thing with McNair is making her re-evaluate things. She's starting to think things through a bit more seriously now.
Okay, my first impression was that Remus's letter was a little over the top. However, it does sound very sincere coming from him, so it's the character who is being over the top, not you as the author. This is a huge step forward as far as he coming out clean with his true feelings goes, although I'm sure there will be twists and turns in the relationship. Interesting also that he is now willing to disclose that he knows that Kerri and Sophia get up to something in the kitchen. I love their little chats.
The comment about Snape needing to broaden his repertoire of insults was great. So true!
The boys are hilarious as always. Interesting also that Kerri was even surprised by the fact that Brand and Jennifer got the time off to attend their own wedding. So funny and so true again.
I must say that Vashti was the star of the show in this chapter. She's coming across as very intelligent and more willing to compromise. She's finally accepting that sometimes one has to co-operate with people one is not that keen on. Her prejudism is beginning to subside. You make this be due to circumstances, which is very good character development. It shapes the character without making it feel as if it came out of nowhere. So well done!
You have managed to move the plot along very well due to the fact that the meeting itself created consequences. So, a lot of people are interested. Okay, there are still practical obstacles but it has become now more or less impossible to turn back. Great work!Author's Response: The language of Remus's letter or the content? I've already had one comment that he sounds a bit like Edward Cullen. (Eew).
Every review but one has mentioned Vashti so I must have done a good job with her this time around. She's not the nicest person in the world but she's not a villain either. I wouldn't exactly say that she's cooperating with Remus and Kerri either, more that they're an unfortunate means to her end. But whatever works. In future it will be useful to have these people knowing magic. Report Review
Mary Ann's letters are always amusing. This one just shows that even though Jill and Ryann are trying to teach her better, she has never grasped the concept that fancying someone (even if the person in question doesn't recirprocate) is not a crime. Unless the guy was of course getting too tactile or something, well, there are other ways of dealing with the matter. Still highly entertaining.
I notice the pictures she's been taking (remind me of the ones you got of the snow in Florida, lol).
The surfacing of Sirius has brought a lot of tension into your story and you have very skillfully made it fit with your plot: Kerri and Remus, Kerri and Snape... Now, both Kerri and Dumbledore were brilliant in terms of dialogue. Snape was as well, of course.
Now, the only not necessarily criticism but question in my mind is: would Draco actually be cruel to animals? It's possible, I suppose, and perhaps not far fetched if he was showing off to his mates or a potential girlfriend, still, I'm not sure that's his style. He's pretty cruel to Harry and his mates, but in my mind, he envies Harry, so I'm not sure but that's just an observation.
I absolutely loved the Headmaster office's scene. The quips were superb!
Snape is too deluded to see the truth and use his incredible brains to the benefit of Hogwarts. He seems to be just after 'brownie points' to be honest. This is very in character, in my opinion, and very well done.
I'm still puzzled in canon that Dumbledore never seemed to have suspected Sirius having been framed but then again, he's not infalibable and an infalible Merlin-type character would probably had been cliche.Author's Response: Mary Ann is like a crazy version of me when I was a teenager. Who needs boys? Yuck ! Get away from me, you nasty things ! At least I didn't go around giving them black eyes. I just finished writing Kerri's response to this letter today. She's not at all amused.
Draco was avid about having Buckbeak's head cut off. His behavior there tells me that he doesn't have much respect for animals. I could see him teasing a cat or the cat's owner by holding over the side of a banister. Actually, where I went to school we had this one boy who was very short. The other boys used to hold him by the belt loops from a second story balcony. Boys will be boys, I guess.
Oh, good grief! I read one of your replies to a review where you stated that egg roulette actually exists and in England! lol I thought my mates were crazy but evidently not! Where did you get this info from by the way? I'm now intrigued!
On a serious note, interesting device getting Griffin to witness and react to the Greybacks' behaviour. I always felt a little sorry for Sheila, because though she's a totally unfit mother and an alcoholic she shows some love towards her daughter in that she doesn't want to be permanently separated from her. Of course, she's not able to understand that she has a much better life away from her natural family, still I'm proud of Grifin in that he came on Kerri's defence.
I admit that the Howards' attitude is pretty reckless but also brave. I think there is often a fine line between these two concepts. I can empathise with the idea that letting bullies win only perpetuates the bullying but then again, would I actually stand up to Greyback or his entourage? Probably not...
By the way, I liked the remark at the very beginning when Kerri is trying to almost deny her own curiosity about her mum's family with that very pragmatic idea of needing to know about possible genetic disorders or something.
The scene with Remus was very in character. Kerri is stubborn and although she admits to herself than the Howards' approach to the situation might not be the safest, she hates bullies and she doesn't want to be deemed a coward and of course it matters to her what 'her family' thinks of her! Remus, typically, forgets all about treating women equally and gives her an order. To him this is no laughing matter and all he cares for is her safety.
Snape and Kerri, well, I can see how they are trying to communicate with one another albeit in a very round about way which has to contain insults. Maybe I'm wrong but I think pride is very much the prime issue what these two are unable to make up, although I accept that Snape genuinly suspects Remus. If he thought it through though, he would know full-well that it wouldn't be within Remus' means to buy a firebolt, but rationality doesn't come into it at this point.
Getting Kerri's and Remus' argument to be short lived was a very nice way of ending this chapter.
By the way, I'm terribly sorry that my first review of this chapter just disappeared. God knows how I manage that, and that often! lolAuthor's Response: It was a video clips show called, "Dumbest Competitions." As a matter of fact, most of the competitions Basil has been betting on came from that show. They do exist and many of them are from England.
As you know, I came close to letting the Howards and Fenrir actually fight each other. I decided not to do it because I didn't think it would be realistic for no one to get hurt. I think I'll save that battle for later on. It seems like it would make a good climactic scene for a later story. Eventually the clash will have to happen because Fenrir won't forget. He knows he can't get to Kerri at Hogwarts but I'm sure he thinks he'll be able to get to Griffin.
Remus loses all common sense when it comes to Fenrir. Everyone has something that really gets under their skin. For Snape it's Remus. For Remus it's Fenrir.
We know from canon that Snape was constantly trying to convince Dumbledore that Remus was helping Sirius and I do think he really believed it. In this story he has the added motivation of That Werewolf being with his sister, which makes him twice as determined to prove it. Poor Snape...
Sometimes if I minimize the page very quickly after submitting a review, I notice that it gets lost. Maybe that's the problem you're having? Report Review
I know you were looking forward to writing this one and it didn't disappoint.
The little details with Hermione crying by herself added a touch or normal Hogwarts life to the chapter and she was very much in character, for instance when she silently realised that Kerri was not really at liberty to criticise the Malfoys in front of a student.
I think it was nice of you to find an excuse for Remus not to be able to attend. It was also significant that he had been invited, to demonstrate for instance that they are not prejudiced against werewolves.
The description of the house was great. In a few sentences you managed to convey the 'feeling' of the house and the personalities of its inhabitants. It was almost as if I were there, honestly. Yes, country-style, old fashioned, rich without being grand to the point of intimidating, a home in essence... I love the description.
Kincaid is very interesting. Some of his rants are totally typical of a whinning old man, not too disimilar in content to the complaints that Vernon often makes about the way criminals are dealt with, however, as we all know he has a lot of reasons to feel that way whereas Vernon just possibly reads too many Muggle tabloids! The touch with the roses was great on various levels, it shows sensitivity in Kincaid whilst also proving to Kerri (unbeknown to him) that he still cares for his daughter, that she has not been forgotten. I wonder how you will have them react when they find out who Kerri really is. It's great that they all got on well though.
I love the idea of the wands, it adds characterisation to a minor (at least at this stage) character whilst adding to the plot.
Next week's chapter sounds very promising too. Well done!Author's Response: Would you believe this is only the second review this chapter has gotten? I felt so confident about it too. Maybe people just haven't had the time to review.
I threw in Hermione to let readers see where we now are in the school year. I do try to bring the canon events into the story but sometimes I consider them an annoyance. I've gotten so attached to my werewolves that I prefer writing about them now. (Sorry Harry).
I wanted to throw Kerri into this situation all alone without Remus for moral support. Cruel I guess. but it also saves me the trouble of having another character there to deal with.
When I write it's like watching a movie and describing what I see. I didn't put a lot of thought into the Howard home. I just wrote what I saw in my head.
Kincaid is entertaining. And he does sound just like a lot of people that I've known, especially his comments on the death penalty. Now that you mention it though, he does sound a bit like Vernon Dursley. I guess he's a conservative wizard. If he was an American Muggle he'd have voted for Bush. (Kerri will one day have her own rose, by the way...it's going to be the red one).
The wands are a stategic maneuver. If Kerri is one day going to lead a werewolf rebellion against Voldemort, it will be helpful to have some of them be capable of magic.
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