BAHAHAHAISTILLLOVETHIS. I love the little Weasley anecdote -- that sounds exactly like something Arthur would do lolz. And I adored the bit about their knees. :3
Good job (again)! *clap* Report Review
My first review for this story, despite the fact that I've been working on it fro a few days now!
First let me say that your power of description is amazing. The way you assembled this story, turning the series into your own was phenomenal. I love the missing moment feel to this story, despite the fact that the moments weren't really missing at all. They were just never described properly. I also love your take on Ginny. She is the independent character that I so loved before coming to this site, where the opinions of others tainted my view of her, I am sad to say. =( However, you caught the good side of her, the side that Jo Rowling always tried to show. The difference between Jo's story and your own is that Ginny's behaviour within the actually series seemed (forgive me, Jo XD) almost Mary-Sue, because of the small amount of time we got to spend with her. You pulled this off amazingly, definitely going into my favourites.
Now onto this chapter specifically. First, I must comment on how much you are making the Wizarding World War seem like the Holocaust, especially with the Burning of the Books. It works for this story though.
I also love how Ginny is finding out more and more about Lily and Snape’s friendship. The only thing I have to say about this, though, is that Ginny appearing everywhere at exactly the right time to hear what she needs to hear is almost unbelievable. Her investigative abilities are amazing, but not something that seems out of place for her. I love that you had the information she was searching for right under her nose the entire time. It seems exactly the type of irony that occurs day-to-day. I commend you.
I adore your take on Neville. He is exactly the type of Gryffindor that we saw when he sliced that snake in two. I love that he defends his friends so loyally, and takes on his role as a leader. You have done a brilliant job of characterizing each character as a matter of fact. Ginny’s fiery temper is intact, Neville’s way of progressing from shy to brave is realistic, Luna’s slightly ditzy attitude is believable, even Draco is accurate. Scratch that, ESPECIALLY Draco. His unattached way of saving his own arse is characteristic of Slytherins. Perfect. In parts, it actually seemed to be leading towards Ginny/Draco, which would have been ironic (and disappointing considering the story) because of the joke Luna made. I love Angerona as a character as well. Quite the mature person for someone so young.
I love the compassion Ginny has for Snape, and how similar you made parts of their story, particularly the way they fell for the green eyes. I do recall that Lily’s middle name was Marie…but perhaps that’s only my assumptions from the other fics I’ve read. Dumbledore’s character is spot on, and I love how you added the bit about him weeping. ‘Course, we all know now what he saw! ;)
I adore how you alternate from ‘he/she said’ all the time. I love how you instead say indirectly that someone said something. I also love that Ginny had Hermione to talk to, and then Tonks. As a matter of fact, I love how much Ginny related to Tonks, because it seemed believable.
Ginny seemed kind of detached throughout the whole Pensieve scene. Where she usually speaks more about her feelings than about what happened, I felt as though you were only explaining the occurrences, and not her reactions to them. It was only after she was removed from the Pensieve that she reacted.
Overall, really good. And I wrote almost a page and a half, so I hope I was of some help! 9/10!
~KatieAuthor's Response: It's always nice to have long reviews.
As much as I would have loved to see more of Ginny in the books, I understand. The story wasn't a romance, nor a story of how HArry found the love of his life. It was about Voldie and Harry... always has been, always will be. So yes, when we get to see Ginny, we see the good things, because why would we want Harry to get together with someone who isn't good? It does make her appear a bit Mary-Sueish. A BIT!
i'm only following JK's trend of making the Wizarding war feel like WWII. All that obsession about pure-blood, rounding up the Muggleborns, calling them less than animals, etc etc...
And once again, I'm following JK Rowling's formula in places for story telling. Without Harry's amazing ability to be in the right place at the right time, he wouldn't know very much either. Just take a look back through the books sometime and you'll see what I mean. I commend JK, because it IS a great story telling device... eavesdropping.
I would NOT write a Ginny/Draco. But I was trying to give them a connection, maybe even hint that Draco might see Ginny as more. I don't think he did, mind you, I just wanted to give that feeling that there was. (and then my little jab at the ones that were hoping. hehehe)
According to the HArry Potter lexicon, Lily's middle name is unknown. So I think Marie might be a fanfiction invention although I have never heard of it.
I'll consider your feelings about the pensieve.
justin Report Review
I like this, but it isn't all explained thoroughly, so I have two suggestions. First, get this read over by a beta reader. Second, it would be an absolutely lovely short story, or even novella. That way you could explain how and why she stopped spending as much time with Harry, Ginny, and Ron, and why she started spending more time with Malfoy, without it feeling rushed. You could also give some of the background to their relationship. The idea is good, and it's well written, and I would love to see this a novella. If you do decide to do this, will you send my an OWL on the forums please? My username there is simply Hermione101. I'd love to read it. Very good job!
=D Report Review
Okay, my first review for this story. I have to admit, while I've seen the plot quite a few times (I have one myself, except with Hermione and Draco :P) you managed to make it original. I like it. I also like Jamie's character and her friends.
There have been quite a few grammar mistakes that I noticed, but I didn't comment on them because they didn't really take away from the story. This chapter was one of the more correct ones, and I only noticed one outstanding mistake: when applied to clothes, suede is spelled like that. Just thought you might like to know!
Well, I have to go, but I will continue reading this story when I get back. Great story!
~KatieAuthor's Response: thank you so much!
ahhh grammar was never my strong suit, i am planning on re-editing this story over break. I will make sure to change that.
Thanks! Report Review
I really love this story. I love how you describe the emotions, the characters, the setting, and everything else. I love the dialogue, and the prank turning into a catastrophe was a great idea. Overall, another wonderful story! And I hope there's some Remus/Sirius.
P.S. - Is that Sirius's real birthday or one you picked for him? Either way, it's kind of a coincidence. That's my birthday. Not the year, but the day. XDAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you Katie :) I am so glad you're enjoying it. And don't worry, there will be some R/S :)
Yep, I made up Sirius' birthday, since canon only gives us the year (no precise date). I can't remember why I picked that day, but what a lovely coincidence that it's yours as well! Cheers for the wonderful comments :) Report Review
I laughed really hard during this chapter. I love James's reaction, because it seems realistic, and I love the little daydream part. I loved the whole chapter.
And you seem to have a knack for choosing pictures of the Marauders. I have to ask: who's your James on the banner?
~KatieAuthor's Response: Thank you very much for the nice review, Katie! I'm glad you liked James' reaction. The guy in the banner is (I think!) Tom Welling. He was wearing glasses in the big picture, but not the smaller one, so I added them on in photoshop. :) Nephele Report Review
Hi, I'm here to review!
I actually already read this chapter. I thought I reviewed too, but obviously not. =)
I like the plot twists in this chapter. I love the characters you created in Mrs. Jones and Marion, and I love the description.
I absolutely adore your characterization of Merope. She is strong, and independant, moreso than you would think having grown up with an abusive father, and I like that. I love that she is proud of her ancestors, but she doesn't care as much as Marvolo and Morfin. I just love her character overall.
I love Bethe too, mainly because of how nice she is to Merope, who needs a friend. I think that she has dealt with her surprise well; I probably would have fallen over with shock.
Something else I love about this chapter is the way you had all three POVs. And I love your writing style. It completely draws the reader in, and it made me feel as if I was right there viewing all three scenes.
Also, I like that you didn't use the speech from the books word for word. It gave an original flare to the chapter.
grown up who had been in a beastly mood all morning thanks to an immense hangover. - Okay, I'm not really sure why, but I don't like the word 'hangover' in this sentence. I really have no idea why. Maybe because it takes place so long ago. You could try 'thanks to the large amount of alcohol he had consumed the previous night' or something to that effect, but that's just personal taste.
Great job, again! 10/10
~KatieAuthor's Response: Hey Katie, thanks for coming by again to leave a review! :) I'm happy that you like Merope and that you think she's a strong character. I like to imagine that she's more than just a pushover; most people assume that is the way she is because it's how we saw her in the books, but the only scenes JKR gave us was when Merope was getting pushed around. At least once her father and brother are out of the picture, I imagine that she grew a little more confident and became herself without anyone to stop her. And of course, now she can do as she likes regarding Tom and having friends, etc.
Bethe dealt with her surprise well because she has always felt different, even when she was a child - the episodes of not remembering what she had said or what had happened, as well as being naturally capable with herbal medicine, have convinced her that there is something else going on that she needs to find out ... which indeed she does. :)
I love writing in different POVs. I've gotten quite a few comments on how well it works, so I think I'm going to keep doing it. It keeps the story interesting for readers, especially if one reader likes or is curious about particular characters or different sides of the story. It also helps me flesh out the story and weave together different plotlines that I otherwise would have had trouble doing.
I agree with you, I couldn't really find a good way to explain how Marvolo was doing but I will try to think of another way to say it. Thanks for telling me. :) What a great review, thank you so much! :D Report Review
Great dare! I laughed really hard when Harry read the card out loud. Maybe when Hary gives the dare you could have him hesitate a bit. I don't know if he could think of that so quickly. Other than that, description would make it nicer.
~KatieAuthor's Response: Hi once again! I now have the two previous chapters in waiting after I edited them, so now I am off to edit this chapter! Thanks so much for the tips, I always want to make each chapter better and better.
~Cassie Report Review
Okay. I'm sure you don't need to say things like: "Ron said nervous, knowing that his sister was famous for her Bat-Bogey hex." Everybody already knows about Ginny's infamous Bat Bogey Hexes! Instead, maybe you could add some more detail, like "Ron said nervously, gesturing wildly with his hands, his eyes widening in terror."
I like Harry's little description of the game. I smiled. Hermione is canon, as are Ron, Ginny and Harry. I'm glad we're getting into the game now. I'm off to review the next chapter now!
~KatieAuthor's Response: I'm glad you smiled! : ) I'm going to go and fix that sentence and change it to what you suggested and will credit you at the top. : ) Thanks!
~Cassie Report Review
This was a beautiful chapter. The description was lovely, as usual, and we got to see some Tonks! Yay! I love that se didn't feel disappointed, and that she was wearing her mother-in-law's wedding dress. It's kind of sad that she didn't get to wear her mother's, while her father escorted her down the aisle, but she was so happy it was worth it.
week-year-old daughter - week-old daughter
It was a pleasure reviewing, and I'm adding this story to my favourites, update soon!
~KatieAuthor's Response: Yes, it's sad that her own family wasn't there with her, but what matter was that she was happy. And I agree: yay for baby Tonks! I'll change that. I'm flattered that this went to your favourites and don't worry - the next chapter will be up soon! Thank you for each review! - Steph Report Review
I like the end. Again. =) And I like the way Cissy acted, because it seemed canon. I also like how romantic the stone throwing on Ted's part was. I like that he surprised her, right when she was about to run away anyway. I love the description, especially of the emotions, as usual! =)
Off to the next chapter!
~KatieAuthor's Response: I loved writing this chapter. Cissy saying goodbye to her sister seemed only natural and as for Ted coming to Andromeda's rescue felt the same way. As always, thanks you! Report Review
I love the description, and the way you described all the emotions especally. I love how you ended it. In fact, I love the way you have ended all your chapters so far. Onto the next chapter.
She managed to hide her grin. Having never gotten along with the Slytherin boys. - While JLHufflepuff did an excellent beta-ing job, in my opinion, this would work better as a single sentence.
~KatieAuthor's Response: Hehe, thank you. I'll go back to this too. Have to see the paragraph and see what I wanted with that. I'm grateful for you pointing it! Report Review
I like the last line. The description in this chapter is lovely, and I love the original prank idea! I love the relationship between Dromeda and Sirius, and I love all of Dromeda's friends. I can't wait to the next chapter!
~KatieAuthor's Response: Aw, glad to hear you liked the prank! I was really worried, seeing as I'm not one to be that creative coming up with mischief. The relationship between Andromeda and Sirius is one I've loved writing. She was his favourite cousin for I reason I figured =p Report Review
I love that Andromeda decided to trust Narcissa, and I love the description, especially when you described Dromeda's emotions upon reading her letter. I did notice one thing though.
Narcissa entered the dormitory, lightning the whole dorm with her beauty, as she always managed to do. - lightning should be lighting. That happened in the last chapter as well.
~KatieAuthor's Response: I'll go back to that as soon as I can! Thanks for pointing it out! Report Review
Very powerful ending. I love that Andromeda has vowed to keep her little sister safe. I also love the description in this chapter, and that you brought Sirius into the story, if only for a little bit. I love Andromeda's personality, and Ted is really sweet. The only thing I noticed is that Narcissa seemed to be acting a bit younger than she actually is. Great job!
~KatieAuthor's Response: Younger? Hum, I wonder... She is a bit insecure and I think that makes her a bit... well, not really mature. I haven't thought of that really. Overall, glad to hear you liked it all in all. Thanks! Report Review
I love your choice of chapter titles. They all seem to tie in perfectly. I also liked that you gave us a little more background before heading right into the story, and you left us hanging witht the fact that Bella saw her leave. I love the description, and Ted and Andromeda's personalities. I can't wait to see where you take this. Onto the next chapter! =)
~KatieAuthor's Response: Aw, thanks! I made my research though, heh! I'm glad to see that that's appreciated - I wanted this flashback to show how things were between them and of course, let you know that they were engaged. Truth to be told, it was Narcissa who saw her leave. Bellatrix had (later on) no real reason to doubt her, although there were rumours. Anyways, thanks! Report Review
Hi, I'm here to review!
First, you asked me if I liked the last lines. I did. I smiled, and I found it a sort of comic relief, even though I'm not sure I should have. ;) It seemed like the type of thing Petunia would say to appease Vernon.
Now, my honest feedback. I liked it, but it could have been better. I say this, because although the description you did have was nice, I'm a fan of stories with lots of description, o don't take it personally. I like the way you describe Harry's apprehension, and the lack of hostility in Petunia's voice. Like you warned me, the grammar was a little off, but I'm sure it'll be better when you run it by your beta. One thing I did notice:
tip toped down - did you perhaps mean tip toed?
Overall 8/10. Though the grammar was off, it definitely had an impact, and I like your reason for Petunia's hate of magic. The picture was a nice touch too. Good job!
~KatieAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your honesty and I'm def (sorry can't spell that word) sending it to my beta :)
~LB Report Review
Hi, I'm here to review!
First, your concerns:
Overall flow - It was beautiful. The way you linked each part of the story together smoothed the flow out perfectly. I didn't really even find anythin confusing, like you said we might.
Impact - Well, it definitely left an impact. The emotions and description in the story hightened it, and the way you ended it was just beautiful.
Some good ol' feedback ;) - I loved it. I loved the emotions, and the way you described Rodolphus's reaction to Bella. And the way he KNOWS that she adores the Dark Lord. It was just amazing overall. I did notice a few minor grammar mistakes, though. Just a few places where a semi colon or a period would have worked better than a comma, so not especially important, but it might help if you just reread it. 10/10
~Katie Report Review
Wow. The descriptions and the emotions were really vivid. I also like the personality you gave Katie, and the character you made in Becky. I have a question though. In the first paragraph, you mention a Bridget. Who's Bridget? I like the original plot and the way you developped her dreams/memories. Beautiful. 10/10 and I'm adding this story to my favourites!
That would be Becky's original name. :P I changed it while I was writing and forgot to change it in that paragraph. Thank you for pointing that out for me. (: I wouldn't have noticed it otherwise. I'm glad you liked it, though. (: That means a lot to me. Report Review
Hi, I'm here to review!
There's a lot I like about this story. I love that you didn't rely too much on describing her surroundings, but focussed more on her emotions, because it left more to the imagination. I like that you give a bit of background information, and I love the first person. I like the resolution that Penelope has, and her trepidation as she's approaching the stage. I love her inner voice and her personality. I love the way you didn't choose a major character as your main character. I love the story in general. 10/10
~KatieAuthor's Response: :) Glad you liked it! The background is fuzzy, even to be. In fact, it looks kinda like my own high school's auditorium.. hehe..heh.
~ Caroline Report Review
Wow, this one was quite sad. The way you described the emotions was amazing. I love the description in the 'fight scene' and Bella and Lucius were perfect. I like Regulus's personality; he has become my new favourite character thanks to this story and a few others. I find his story fascinating.
Anyway, you might want to add a bit more in the first few paragraphs, as it was a bit confusing. I wasn't sure if you were referring to Edgar or Lucius when you called him the Dark Lord's most loyal. I also wasn't sure how Edgar and the others were listening in.
Other than that, I loved it. I'm adding this to my favourites, and I am looking forward to the next chapter!
~KatieAuthor's Response: Basically Edgar and the Order snick in to spy as was often done in the war but I probably could expand more on that cause people might not think about that as evident from your review hehe
glad everything was good and also glad you liked it enough to add it to your favorites! I am working on the last part now and its about half way done so it should be up soon! :D Report Review
This chapter was really interesting. I like how you used the same last name as the kind old man in the first chapter, and know I find myself wondering what the connection between the two Davies's. I like the coldness that Riddle portrays, but I would think him one to play with his victim a bit more, rather than coming out and saying exactly what he planned to do. I like the original spell, and the almost cliffhanger you ended on.
counting the days till -- counting the day's till
ancestor’s had always called -- ancestors had always called
Good job. I look forward to the next chapter. And did I mention I like you chapter names?
~KatieAuthor's Response: If you looked under the chapter image you would see a family tree that shows the connection between the two :)
I never pictured Voldemort to "play" with anyone when there was something he really wanted involved. I always pictured him as a "strictly business" kind of person when it came down to it. But thats just a different interpretation of the character I suppose hehe
As for the chapter names, glad you like them hehe the story is meant as not only a show of how the family faired over the generations but Hogwarts as well and the chapter names are to show it going from nothing to a castle :)
thanks for the review and as you said, next chapter! hehe Report Review
Hi, I'm here to review!
Okay, I love the beginning. I also love the way you portrayed and described each individual character. I love the way that the orphans share their surnames with characters from Harry's era. Your description is lovely, and I love the way you ended. I adore the way that you described everything as a fairy-tle to her, which is likely. The emotions are portrayed well. A few slight grammatical mistakes, none important enough to mention, and your writing style drew me in quickly. The transition from 'orphan' Annabelle to 'Hogwarts' Annabelle is slightly confusing. Other than that, it was really good.
~KatieAuthor's Response: No mistakes important enough to mention is what I aim for hehe cause nothing will ever be perfect :)
I'll look at the transition part again, I can be a bit hasty with that stuff as I want to get on to the next part cause its running through my head really fast lol but thanks for the review and so glad you thought it was really good :D Report Review
I like the description in this chapter, and I love the dream. It added a twist to the story. I also liked the way Firenze reacted, and Rose's inner voice. It's kind of funny that everyone calls her Rosie ALL THE TIME though. MAybe you could switch back and forth, or even better, have it a special pet name that Scorpius uses. I love the way she tries to pretend that she doesn't like him -- yet. I'm adding this story to my favourites. Update soon!!
~KatieAuthor's Response: Thanks again! I was a little worried about the dream and how readers would react with it. Is it too weird, cheesy, etc.? So, I'm glad you liked it!
That is an excellent idea, actually! I like that. There really isn't a lot you can do with the name Rose, but I can figure something out.
Haha, it IS a Rose/Scorpius after all. Something is bound to happen. I was actually thinking about that yesterday before I went to sleep... But I won't say anything!
I'm really glad that you liked it, and thank you SO much for taking the time to review it! It is greatly appreciate! Thanks so much! :) Report Review
I like this chapter. I like how Scorpius calls her the pet name, and the way she feels awkward. And you left us wondering with the last line there. I'm guessing she was just making all of that up? I also like that it looks like you did a bit of research regarding the chiromancy. Nicely written. I love the description, especially at the beginning. Okay, well, I'm off to see where they're headed!
~KatieAuthor's Response: Thanks! She kind of made that stuff up. there is obviously, like, true background there of what she was basing the stuff she said on. And I have been interested in palm reading for years. I don't do it all the time, but I like learning about it.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
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